Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are. 

The concept of “frame” is yet another ephemeral idea that had need of a term in the very beginnings of the great masculine awakening that’s become the ‘community’. If memory serves I think it may have been Mystery who first picked up on what’s really a very rudimentary and well established psychological principle. In psych terms, frame is an often subconscious, mutually acknowledged personal narrative under which auspices people will be influenced. One’s capacity for personal decisions, choices for well-being, emotional investments, religious beliefs and political persuasions (amongst many others) are all influenced and biased by the psychological narrative ‘framework’ under which we are most apt to accept as normalcy.

The concept of frame covers a lot of aspects of our daily lives, some of which we’re painfully aware of, others we are not, but nonetheless we are passively influenced by frame. What concerns us in terms of inter-gender relations however is the way in which frame sets the environment, the ambience, and the ‘reality’ in which we relate with both the woman we sarge at a bar and the relationship with the woman we’ve lived with for 20 years. One important fact to consider, before I launch into too much detail, is to understand that frame is NOT power. The act of controlling the frame may be an exercise in power for some, but let me be clear from the start that the concept of frame is who’s ‘reality’ in which you choose to operate in relation to a woman. Both gender’s internalized concept of  frame is influenced by our individual acculturation, socialization, psychological conditioning, upbringing, education, etc., but be clear on this, you are either operating in your own frame or you’re operating in hers. Also understand that the balance of frame often shifts. Frame is fluid and will find its own level when a deficit or a surplus of will is applied to change it. The forces that influence that lack or boost of will is irrelevant – just know that the conditions of an operative framework will shift because of them.

Pre-LTR Frame
Often I’ll see forum posts lamenting some loss of frame – “Lost the frame, how do I get it back?” A lot of times guys believe that because a woman initially gave them IOIs or was ‘really into them’ in the beginning that they had ‘frame’. This is another unfortunate misconception about frame – and I partly blame the PUA culture for it – but frame is not interest level (IL). Simply because a woman is attracted to you does not mean she’s ready to ‘enter your reality’. Her entering your frame may become a byproduct of that attraction, but it by no means guarantees it. In truth, under today’s social environment, I would expect a woman to resist tooth and nail from rushing into a man’s frame. This is why women have psychologically evolved a subconscious propensity to shit test; to verify the legitimacy of a man’s frame.

Most Game incongruencies develop around a guy’s inability to establish frame and opting in to a woman’s frame. What’s ironic is that on a base level, we understand frame imbalances instinctually. If you feel like you’re being led on, or being made to wait for sex, you’re operating in her frame. Are you in the ‘friend-zone’ or did you accept an LJBF rejection? You’re in her frame.

Ideally, you want a woman to enter your reality. Her genuine (unnegotiated) desire for you hinges upon you covertly establishing this narrative for her. Famous men, men with conspicuous affluence and status, and men with overwhelming social proof have very little difficulty in establishing frame – they can’t help but establish frame in a very overt fashion. A woman already wants to enter that world. She want’s an easy association with a man who’s unquestionably a proven commodity and offers her hypergamy not just a actualized fantasy, but also a high degree of personal affirmation in being the one a Man of this grandeur would choose above other women.

Unfortunately, you and I are not this Man, he’s a feminine idealization. However it’s important to understand how hypergamy plays into establishing frame. The Man who impassively accepts women’s hypergamous natures has a much easier time establishing frame from the outset. You or I may not be that be that famous guy with an automatic, overt frame control, but we can be by order of degrees depending upon our personal conditions and the conditions of the women with whom we choose to associate. The default pedestalization of women that men are prone to is a direct result of accepting that a woman’s frame is the only frame. It’s kind of hard for most ‘plugged in’ men to grasp that they can and should exert frame control in order to establish a healthy future relationship. This is hardly a surprise considering that every facet of their social understanding about gender frame has always defaulted to the feminine for the better part of their lifetimes. Whether that was conditioned into them by popular media or seeing it played out by their beta fathers, for most men in western culture, the feminine reality IS the normalized frame work. In order to establish a healthy male-frame, the first step is to rid themselves of the preconception that women control frame by default. They don’t, and honestly, they don’t want to.

Post LTR Frame
In most contemporary marriages and LTR arrangements, women tend to be the de facto authority. Men seek their wive’s “permission” to attempt even the most mundane activities they’d do without an afterthought while single. I have married friends tell me how ‘fortunate’ they are to be married to such an understanding wife that she’d “allow” him to watch hockey on their guest bedroom TV,…occasionally.

These are just a couple of gratuitous examples of men who entered into marriage with the frame firmly in control of their wives. They live in her reality, because anything can become normal. What these men failed to realize is that frame, like power, abhors a vacuum.  In the absence of the frame security a woman naturally seeks from a masculine male, this security need forces her to provide that security for herself. Thus we have the commonality of cuckold and submissive men in westernized culture, while women do the bills, earn the money, make the decisions, authorize their husband’s actions and deliver punishments. The woman is seeking the security that the man she pair-bonded with cannot or will not provide.

It is vital to the health of any LTR that a man establish his frame as the basis of their living together before any formal commitment is recognized. As I stated in the beginning, frame will be fluid and conditions will influence the balance, but the overall theme of your relationship needs to be led and molded by you. Even very influential, professional, intellectualizing women still crave the right man to establish his frame in her life. They may fight it bitterly, but ultimately it’s what will make for the best healthy balance she can achieve. There’s a growing undercurrent of mid-life women questioning and regretting their past decisions to remain single into spinsterhood. And for all their late game rationalizations, the one thing they still simply refuse to accept is acknowledging that a man’s frame, the frame their “fierce independence” wouldn’t allow for, was exactly the salve their egos so desperately wants now later in life.

Gentlemen, you will establish frame in any monogamous relationship you have. You will enter her reality or she will enter yours.


  1. Excellent. Frame is the bedrock of a life well-lived. In engineering, a solid, unbending, totally unshakable frame is constructed when accurate, precise, and repeatable measurements need to be taken, or used to manufacture something with tight tolerances. It is the frame of reference–the basis for measurement to which everything in its purview must be held accountable.

    Frame goes beyond sexuality and relationships, it’s a crucial ingredient in developing who we are. Frame dovetails with the concept of “state,” as in state of mind. Perhaps you can elucidate the ways in which frame and state interact. My sense is that frame and state are to each other what strategy and tactics are in military matters. Strategy, that’s the big-picture stuff, the overall objective of a military division on the larger theatre of battle. Tactics are what happens on the individual battlefield, in the house-to-house fighting. Thus frame is the big-picture outlook on life, and one’s strategic attitude towards it. State, then are the moment-to-moment application of that strategy, the tactics in the moment that allow you to maintain frame. That’s my 0.02, I’d love to hear more from you.

    Practically and pragmatically, many people benefit from techniques to establish, maintain, and pump up the frame and state are essential, they combat the stinky beta-bait of entering a woman’s frame, or any frame of reference in business or life that does not serve the individual’s needs.

    So I’m very interested in any frame-management tools you might be willing to share with your readers. One of my favorites, it’s super simple, is to stand in alone, naked in the bathroom, with a huge erection, and cultivate that air of quiet, unshakable strength, power, energy. Then I tap on a spot, usually my sternum, to kinaesthetically remember what that’s like. Then in a social situation, I’ll tap on the sternum to recall that state.

  2. Also interested in techniques to achieve an ideal frame in both of the scenarios discussed in the post.

  3. One of the best practical tools for establishing your frame is REAL standards and qualifications.

    Then communicating those to people (or women specifically) and mentally noting or explicitly stating whether they live up to those.

    As I said, they have to be real because, faking it is not very effective at all (Can you cook? Are you adventurous? etc.)

  4. as one of my prior girls said to me, “oh i know, its the dc1000 show on every channel, all the time”

    every decision, every action was done through my lens of what i needed. and if she wanted to participate, she was more than happy to…

    i’ve been able to maintain the dc1000 show all the time on all channels for a while now, its pretty grand.

    i learned frame in just the way you described first, from mystery and then onwards.

  5. Hand is a strategic advantage of power. Frame is that you define how the issues are talked about.

    You can think of politics. Hand is having an army. Frame is the propaganda wing of the government and a media that is sympathetic to the government spin.

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  7. Wow, you are a very good writer Rollo, I’m having a hard time understanding some of these Red Pill concepts, but I’m learning. Can’t wait till you release a book, it’d make it easy for me to share Red-Pill info with my younger brothers. There’s so much to read, so many sites, they are mind boggling goldmines filled with nuggets of life’s wisdom.

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  11. Just discovered your writings by being directed here via Krausers blog by your good self. Finding it all a bit overwhelming at the moment. Thank you.

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  17. If I understand it right, a frame is about creating the ground rules for interactions that fits my personality and needs? If i do that then the others have a choice to play by my rules or not?

  18. Probably the most important point to remember in a relationship. Recently a guy in my church came up to my wife and asked my wife if she had given me permission to go to some upcoming mens retreat. My wife looked at at him and said – “no , he never asks me a bout these things he just tells me he’s going”. The guy responded ” I figured as much”. Needless to say my relationship can be rocky at times but I never worry my wife is going to cheat on me or leave me. She knows her options are limited when it comes to men who will be stronger than me

  19. I am quite interested in your blog, as I have two sons and want to ensure they don’t get to pussified by all the social pressures.

    I think I am one of the 1-2%. My frame is the frame. I’ve been married 10 years and my wife constantly asks why I picked her. Becuase I think she was a hot piece of ass. And she feels the same.

    Being attractive and physically fit, intellectual, and confident are big. I’ve been blessed with being attractive, and the brains to understand its value, which has helped to give me the confidence to live in my frame, IMO.

  20. This is probably the most practically useful post I’ve ever read fro you behind “Your friend, menstruation”.

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  22. Does anybody want to quickly verify this though? what is frame or framing in lamen terms i’m looking for like a one to two sentence answer please.

  23. Frame is necessary in life as it is in relationships. I’ve led a life where I’ve had no frame in virtually any setting you care to mention. Not with women, not with acquaintances, friends or family. Frame requires that you know who you are. What drives and motivates you and ultimately what you want (in any given situation).
    The little frame I’ve managed to develop is founded on my stoicism.

    The following example may or may not qualify for controlling frame.

    I had a member of staff from a train company come up to me (while I was doing my job and thinking about something or other) and say “you don’t look happy.” The smug look on his face could barely hide the contempt he held for me. A total stranger.
    With my left hand placed behind his back and my right hand pointing to his colleagues, I said “Your friends are over there.” and carried on with my business.
    I didn’t want him or his fake concern. He refused to speak or even look at me the next time we met.

    I call that a result.

    In regards to frame I sometimes believe I want to be a smarter version of the boy I was, and not the man I eventually became.

  24. “As I stated in the beginning, frame will be fluid and conditions will influence the balance, but the overall theme of your relationship needs to be led and molded by you. Even very influential, professional, intellectualizing women still crave the right man to establish his frame in her life. They may fight it bitterly, but ultimately it’s what will make for the best healthy balance she can achieve.”

    I don’t think I can fully agree with this, this and a lot of red pill literature states that a woman want to be dominated and I don’t see it outside sex. When a man enters a relationship doesn’t he also want to make the woman happy? Is that being submissive and entering her frame then? You see men giving to much and receiving little in relationship and they are not happy, you think a woman is any different? If she fights it bitterly then it means it isn’t what she wants then.

  25. Love this. Thank you For posting this. I’m making a video on frame soon. Guys I have a channel where I’m going to *ATTEMPT TO* break down the rational male. (More so for my own benefit as when I make these videos it helps further engrain the information. Check it out (It’s called TheNeuroticAlpha)

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