The Feminine Mystique

Perhaps the single most useful tool women have possessed for centuries is their unknowablity. I made that word up, but it’s applicable; women of all generations for hundreds of years have cultivated this sense of being unknowable, random or in worse case fickle or ambiguous. This is the feminine mystique and it goes hand in hand with the feminine prerogative – a woman always reserves the right to change her mind – and the (mythical) feminine intuition – “a woman just knows.” While a Man can never be respected for anything less than being forthright and resolute – say what you mean, mean what you say – women are rewarded and reinforced by society for being elusive and, dare I say, seemingly irrational. In fact, if done with the right art, it’s exactly this elusiveness that makes her both desirable and intolerably frustrating. However, to pull this off she must be (or seem to be) unknowable, and encourage all of male society to believe so.

The feminine mystique appeals to the feminine psyche for the same reasons ‘chick crack’ works so well in PUA technique. It appeals to the same ‘secret power’ dynamic that makes meta-physical associations so attractive (religion, superstition, intuition, etc.) One need look no further than women’s innate love of gossip to understand; There’s power in secrets for women. It’s hardly a surprise that connections with witchcraft have been associated with the feminine for so long. In an historically male dominated culture it follows that the power of secrecy and mysticism would need to be cultivated into the feminine as a resource for influencing the men in control of it. Sometimes that may have ended with a woman burned at the stake, but more often it was a means to becoming the ‘power behind the throne’ by degrees, and depending upon the status of the man she could enchant.

Combine that mysticism with sexuality, and you’ve got the feminine mystique – the most useful tool the feminine imperative possesses in it’s quest for optimal hypergamy.

The feminine mystique permeates inter-gender communication. On every forum response, on every blog comment, on every facebook post and in any article ever written by women with a personal, feminine investment in the subject, there is a residue of recognizing the feminine mystique. When a woman retorts to an observation of  female behavior that betrays female intent, the standard misdirection is ALWAYS saturated in the unknowable, unpredictably capricious, feminine mystique. The first (and second) rule of Fight Club for the feminine imperative is to protect the mystery of the female – and the sisterhood has no mercy for those who would betray that. To quote Roissy, the closer you get to truth the louder women screech.

For years I’ve striven to breakdown confusion and common problems by observing behavior. Women are human beings with the same basic motivations that men are subject to with some greater or lesser variation in their reasoning and methodologies. The point being is that women are every bit as subject to being as mundane or as extraordinary as men are, but the difference is that men don’t enjoy a masculine mystique. With rare exceptions, we don’t generally cultivate this sense of mystery because we’re not rewarded for it to the degree women are – and honestly, we haven’t needed to. But for a woman, if she can cultivate this mystique, her attentions become a reward unto themselves for the guy who is ‘lucky’ enough to tame her. Rest assured, when you think a woman is crazy, she’s crazy like a fox; she’s crazy with a reason. Women are every bit as calculating as men, in fact more so I’d argue because they have the mystique to hide a multitude of sins behind. They’re not irrational, they’re calculated – you just have to develop an ability to read a woman’s actions and behaviors and see the latent purpose behind them.

In contemporary times, men are far too ready to write off women as irrational agents. Even Freud was fooled by the hysterics of women’s responses and wrote them off as largely incapable, random and duplicitous to their own interests. I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating it is to hear an elderly man say “women, I guess we’ll never really understand them, huh?” How many times have you been asked by a friend, “so, did ya get lucky with Kristy last night?” We don’t think much of this passing question, but it’s framed in such a way that men autonomously perpetuate the myth of this mystique. It’s not luck that gets you laid. I understand that circumstance and being the right guy at the right time most certainly plays a part, but that’s not the operative here. However, if we feel as though we got lucky, we won the lottery, or walked away with a rare and valuable PRIZE, it doesn’t help us to understand what it is we did correctly in a given instance. Not only that, it perpetuates women as the mysterious prize-givers and ensures they maintain an indirectly primary power role in embodying the prize that is feared to be lost. You were lucky to have gotten sex with this mysterious woman so it must be something rare and valuable indeed.

The feminine mystique discourages questioning the process or the motives involved in inter-gender relations; men are just happy to have had the chance of experiencing the unkowable woman they scarcely understand. When mixed with sexual deprivation, the lucky fate element makes the sex that much more absorbing. It’s this luck precognition for men and fostered by women that leads to the scarcity mentality and often (but not exclusively) ONEitis in men. It serve the feminine if men willingly adopt the feminine mystique mindset with regards to their intimacy. Sexuality is a woman’s first, best agency and any social mechanism that contributes to the value of it will always be encouraged.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

67 comments on “The Feminine Mystique

  1. A woman I was seeing for 7 months essentially broke up with me without actually telling me she was breaking up with me. A month ago, we had a celebration (she treated me) and I reacted by revealing I was happy with her–not very mysterious of me and I was punished for this. She called me a few days later and said she just couldn’t date for a while, she had to go away for a bit, was simply too busy. Since then, nothing but scarce texts.
    Posts like this one and the previous one (women’s behavior, not their words are the communication) give me the clarity to stop wondering about her motives or whether there’s still a possibility of her desiring me. The truth is painful, but I can’t progress without it.

  2. Spot on. Back before my ‘red pill’ days, I used to laugh along and shake my head along with, and tell, those “who can understand women?” jokes. Now that I do understand women, I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to tell the next guy who says one of those that I don’t see the humour any more, and there’s a good reason why…

  3. An integral part of the feminine ‘shaming’ dynamic is to presume that a man even suggesting he “understands women” should be ridiculed back into a state of unquestioning compliance with the female imperative. Just the attempt for a man to understand the feminine is laughable.

    Not only this, but the need for protecting the veil of mystery is so strong that male identifiers had to be recruited and socially rewarded for joining in the shaming. This is why it’s ‘funny’ to joke with other guys about how men will never understand women.

  4. @Will S.

    1st rule of Fight Club is don’t talk about Fight Club.

    Next time you hear someone tell a joke like that just smile and shrug.

    If there’s a woman around, give her a knowing look.

    You’re part of the inner circle now.

  5. i think it goes both ways. men are mysterious to me. they are so different. not that i’m not occasionally baffled by the behavior of some women, but men are so alien. what on earth makes them tick? i never discussed this with other women and so don’t know their take. maybe i’m an outlier, i dunno.

    this may be tmi from this long married woman-during orgasm with my husband, i think (to the extent one can think) ‘_now_ i really get it,finally i understand’ but it’s only momentary. soon that epiphany slips out of my grasp. i can’t hold onto it and am back to square one. it’s impossible to describe.

  6. Women have *never* been a mystery. That is an ideal created by MALES. Men have been the ones who have buried their heads in the sand about who and what women truly are. For decades males created these images and rules on what women were to be. Women had no power for long periods of time and thus upheld this image that MEN wanted women to be – not who we really were.

    Fast forward to Feminism, and now men are really seeing who women are. Actually, if there was one good thing about Feminism, it was the fact the women finally ripped the band aids off the eyes of men for once. Now you are seeing women as we really are IN THE RAW and not who we were socialized to be for so many decades before feminism. Thank your forefathers for this – they should have never had the blinders on in the beginning. If they hadn’t, it’d be smooth sailing for men today b/c you would already know what to expect from women.

  7. To quote from the preface of the 48 Laws of Power, “Those who claim to be nonplayers may affect an air of naïveté, to protect them from the accusation that they are after power. Beware, again, however, for the appearance of naïveté can be an effective means of deceit (see Law 21, Seem Dumber Than Your Mark). And even genuine naïveté is not free from the snares of power… Genuinely innocent people may still be playing for power, and are often horribly effective at the game, since they are not hindered by reflection. Once again, those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.

    You can recognize these supposed nonplayers by the way they flaunt their moral qualities, their piety, their exquisite sense of justice. But since all of us hunger for power, and almost all of our actions are aimed at gaining it, the nonplayers are merely throwing dust in our eyes, distracting us from their power plays with their air of moral superiority. If you observe them closely, you will see in fact that they are often the ones most skillful at indirect manipulation, even if some of them practice it unconsciously. And they greatly resent any publicizing of the tactics they use every day.”

  8. Dish- that quote describes the nature of women at their core.

    There are quite a few things that women are oblivious to or only peripherally aware of that they use to mercilessly play the mating game to their advantage. Take “feminine virtue” for example, which is yet another concept that is perpetuated by women and their white knight minions. Ask a few random people which sex is morally superior. Of course those of us here realize that the idea of women being morally superior to men is laughable but I am willing to bet that most all women and the majority of men will say that women have a better moral compass than men. When you understand the mechanics of interpersonal relations it is easy to see that women are no more inclined to “do the right thing” than are men, but they have the advantage of the assumption of moral virtue and they operate on a completely different plane that allows them to fly under the radar.

    Or how about the myth that women are the more romantic sex? Once again the assumption is that since women like candlelight dinners and flowers and rom-coms so they MUST be more romantic, right? A guy shouldn’t have to be a rocket surgeon to realize that this is complete bullshit the first time he gets his heart ripped out by the cute cheerleader after working up the courage to give her a rose, or the first time a live in girlfriend of three years shacks up with someone else a week after she leaves you, but how many guys still believe that women are the “romantic suckers” despite the preponderance of evidence to the contrary?

    Relative value is ALL that is needed for a man to be successful in the mating game and the guy who understands the secret code is likely to be a higher value male.

    In other words, it’s a shit test of the grandest proportions.

  9. Why is it considered rude to directly inquire about a woman’s age and not a man’s? Why do women take offense to questions about their weight, yet men are more or less indifferent about it? Why would it be socially inadvisable for me to ask an unfamiliar woman if she’s presently having her period?

    For centuries, we’ve been acculturated into the feminine social convention that there are a variety of gender specific questions that are considered rude to ask of a woman, but are unimportant to men; why has knowledge of this specific information been deemed proprietary to women? Because it reveals empirical information about a woman’s fertility that she’d rather keep shrouded in mystery for her own long term genetic advantage. Every cosmetic product, every push up bra or breast implant, every high heel, and every collagen treatment is designed to maintain the mystery of a woman’s actual fertility potential.

    The feminine mystique is most definitely NOT a male construct, and in fact it’s so vitally important to sustaining the feminine mystique that social conventions had to be instituted in order for men NOT to think they are the originators of it.

  10. I think I screwed up the WordPress comments. Everything after my post was italics, because I made a typo in ending the HTML tag. I’m hoping this comment fixes it.

  11. Rollo,

    Of course women also adapted to the ideal of the Mystique so of course they created ways to uphold it by the various things you listed.

    But Women never set out to hide who they really were on their own or initially. It was feminism that allowed women to finally be who they really were. Women didn’t have much power during certain eras and didn’t even have any choice to be anything other than what men needed and wanted them to be. In fact I think most women today are relieved to be able to be who they want without societal pressures to contain it.

    The fact is, women are just as ruthless, promiscuous, etc as men. And that is what feminism set out to do. Allow women to be who they really are. I am not saying it was all good, or that I agree with the way women act today or how feminism tells women to be and act a certain way against htier own best interests (since I am more on the traditional side of the coin) but it is what it is.

    1. “Women didn’t have much power during certain eras and didn’t even have any choice to be anything other than what men needed and wanted them to be.”

      During certain eras life was hard and neither men nor women had the LUXURY of being “who they wanted to be”. This idea that these poor women were forced into a life of unhappiness and servitude back in the day is laughable to anyone with enough of a brain to realize that things were a little different 100 years ago.

      You have been around these blogs long enough I would have hoped you might have picked up a thing or two along the way.

      1. For the sake of the topic I was pointing out that the only reason women were ever deemed mysterious etc. Was b/c men wanted and encouraged this behavior from women during times when women had little power. Now that women have some power to be who they want, the blindfold has been removed on the “mystique” of women. Either that or women and men are just different today than they were yesterday.

        1. If it were true there is no preservation of the mystique, why is it that almost any time any man criticizes, speaks out again, writes a treatise analyzing the grotesque nature of women, he’s essentially more or less questioned as a bitter misogynistic loser? Women always screech, in various degrees of sophistication. If there’s no mystique, why?

        2. More pointedly, why is this quote true: “Men are not troubled to hear a man dispraised, because they know, though he be naught, there’s worth in others; but women are mightily troubled to hear any of them spoken against, as if the sex itself were guilty of some unworthiness.”

  12. Well Deep Dish I just think women have adapted to being seen as being a mystery and a gender that should be forgiven for certain transgressions. I don’t think women adapt this frame of thought as to be sinister, its just we don’t know anything different. We were born into this way of being seen as women and adjusted as such.

    I think women do like to believe we are a mystery. i honestly believed it up until I started reading game blogs and realizing women were doing things against the natural “feminine” ways. I’m a woman of many who has only had the one side of the story (the female version) like a lot of other women. So we are just products of the groundwork laid from generations before us (both men and women). It seems this generation of males is seeking to find the truth since they have been most negatively affected by this.

    I still think that women should aim to have a little mystery to themselves b/c I do think men respond to this quite well. WHY? Because I believe that men like to conquer by nature and a mysterious woman is to be conquered by a man – but that’s my opinion. A woman who lets it all hang 0ut is not really a challenge to a man IMO.

    1. Males of this generation seek the truth out of necessity. Game and the study of evo psychology are adaptations to the pressures of a mating market that is skewed in favor of women.

  13. Why do my eyes hurt? It’s because I’m getting deja vu from reading a Tomassi’s post again! 😀 j/k mate, about time you have a blog (JB from SS).

    This feminine mystique (I keep thinking of Rebecca Romjin’s incredible body as I read this blog) might’ve been a female construct at first, but I’m sure men went along at first because that was the only way a man could truly love a woman. If he understood her true nature, how could he love her?

  14. “Why would it be socially inadvisable for me to ask an unfamiliar woman if she’s presently having her period?”

    I can agree with you on those other questions, but this one is like asking an unfamiliar man about the size of his penis. Kind of a weird question to ask a stranger.

    1. Since a woman acts and responds differently when she is having her period, it is actually a practically relevant piece of information.

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  21. It’s interesting to read responses from women on this one. Women “back when” were the ones competing for the best man (i.e. most land, wealth, assets, etc…) with all other women so it was best that each woman created this “mystery”…to stand out from other women.

    We see it, today, on social media with selfies, tats, hair coloring, etc….to stand out (grab attention).

    Women can argue all day long that a man created this “mystique” but in my opinion it’s nonsense. It’s women competing for survival (or the best) so they are using all tools necessary in their tool kit.

  22. The comments by the women above sound to me that they have no clue what men are settimg out to achieve here. Confirms to me Rollo is accurate in his observations. Oh well, at lest they are here I suppose.
    In regards to men encourging mystique in a woman as a man I say its bullshit. A man wants as easiest possibleway to fuck a woman when and how it suits him. Trouble is they have been hoodwimked into jumping hoops put up by women. I personally jump through no hoops for no women and get as much sex as I want. Redpill life is the only one for me and will be the only one for my son. My daughters will be taught the truth as well. That is all 🙂

  23. “you either love women or you understand women, but you can’t do both.” to that i add, “or you learn to read thru their bullshit tactics & schemes.” watch their behavior.

    i have 3 sisters, and i watched them play the games, tell the lies, and be exactly opposite to the “sugar & spice & everything nice” bullshit. further, i’ve seen them use horoscopes, memes, and other social media quotes to seem mysterious and intuitive… like some weird fortune teller.

    all of this was used to fool various guys into thinking they were something they were not. the make-up, all the hairstyles, fancy bras, etc., are also a part of the scheme… esp., “turn the lights out when we have sex,” to make sure he doesn’t see anything that she’s uncomfortable with showing. nothing is what it is… it’s all a cover-up.

    for men: play by the rules, keep your word, tell the truth, be responsible & accountable, and you’ll succeed.

    for women: use any tactic, scheme, cover-up… lie, half-truth, etc., to get what you want. fuck what anyone thinks… as the ends justifies the means. can you say, “natural machiavellians?”

  24. Omega

    Quote all too true as us redpillers know.

    I’m not sure quite enough is made of the sisters dynamic. Many naturals or just men who did ok with women from an early age cite their sisters/sisters friends as a part of their early unplugging. And that’s just the ones who use these sites with the prerequisite self-awareness to make the connection.

    Conversely many pedestalising betas with romantically idealised ideas about the “fairer” sex i would bet were only children or only had brothers (yours truly).

  25. Great post as always. Since I’m reading these posts carefully anyway, I just wanted to point out the minor possible typos just in case you ever wanted to go back and fix them. No disrespect intended at all. This sentence sounded like it should say serves instead of “serve”.

    “It serve the feminine if men willingly adopt the feminine mystique mindset with regards to their intimacy.”

  26. This is so true, men are always asked “did you get lucky”…women are never asked “did you get lucky”. For women they’re asked “Did you sleep with him?”, like every guy is interchangeable, and it was purely their decision because they are always on the pedestal. Great website. I just stumbled on it today.

  27. I’m pondering a bunch of men so obsessive in understanding women and so determined to undermine the power women should have just by “being.” it’s disturbing that this “red pill” group ( wtf?) is degrading towards the very ones who physically make it possible for you men to exist. ( women) You arrive through our bodies, minds, Souls at your most vulnerable…and we adore you ( we good mothers) and many of you spend your lives attempting to overpower us. Sad.

  28. And women wouldn’t exist without men, either; it is literally our spilled seed inside your bodies that allows the human race to continue, both male and female.

    You just don’t want us knowing your secrets, hypnotist woman.

    But now we do.

    Suck it up, buttercup.

    P.S. this post is 9 years old and still fresh. I guess that’s why you feel the need to rail against it this many years later. Sad.

  29. JanLee
    I’m pondering a bunch of men so obsessive in understanding women and so determined to undermine the power women should have just by “being.”

    We’re just deprogramming our minds of the negativity that this gynocentric society brainwashes boys and men with. Freeing ourselves of false stories and replacing them with truth.

    Are you opposed to men being the best they can be?

  30. The feminine mystique is one of the core features the differentiates humans from other apes. All other apes have obvious physiological signals to show every male in the group that she is ovulating. Human females adapted to hide their fertility window so that in case a new dominant male comes around while she got pregnant with the last one a week earlier, there was no way of knowing who is the real father.
    Baboons (or maybe some other ape) do it too to some extent. When a new dominant baboon takes over the group he abuses all the pregnant females to induce abortion. So baboons have adapted so hide their pregnancy during the first trimester. Since baboons are not that good at counting moon cycles, they can’t tell the difference of few weeks and think that the kid is theirs. Same kind of thing happened with humans. As men got good at math, women got good at hiding their fertility. Its a published research in ethology.

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