Left Behind

left_behind

I’m going to relate a real story of a good friend of mine here as an illustration of a larger dynamic.

My friend Rob was what most guys would call a ‘natural Alpha’ in his younger days; fit, smart in an unlearned kind of way, and to the guys who couldn’t appreciate his straightforwardness, he had the Alpha ‘attitude’ that made him kind of an asshole to the people who didn’t know him. He was in the military for a bit right out of high school and that seemed to work well for him since he learned to be a damn good airframe mechanic and parlayed that into a pretty good career for a while.

Although he was a natural Alpha, Rob’s approach to women was very much conditioned by the influence of the feminine imperative. He had girls who were attracted to him, but he had a tendency for ONEitis so once he’d locked on to Kim that was his focus. He would say “I would do anything and everything for the right girl” because that was his belief, sacrifice and support were his mandates before they’d even met. Eventually she ‘accidentally’ became pregnant when they were both 19.

Rob’s ONEitis took on the predictable sense of masculine purpose to “do the right thing” when she told him the news. They were young, and even 20+ years ago he was aware that couples married young had a very low ‘success’ rate, but as expected he believed he and his soon to be wife would be the exception to that rule. Whether it was his predisposition for ONEitis or his righteous ‘natural’ Alpha stubbornness, at 19 he was determined to be a good father and husband.

Kim was always the less enthusiastic partner in the marriage, but she wasn’t going to have an abortion, and while she was uncertain about Rob’s future potential at 19 she married him. 5 years later they had two daughters and then a son 2 years after that. I would describe their marriage as one of convenience except that Rob genuinely loved Kim and the kids. His Alpha attitude only drove him on that much further as a good provider, but as Kim and he entered their early 30’s and their older children became more self-sufficient it was becoming clear that she was subtly and indifferently distancing herself from Rob.

At about 29 Kim went to work in a middle management position. Up until then she’d been a stay-at-home mom, but with the kids in school (except their youngest) she wanted to get into working. For having 3 children Kim was in exceptionally good shape (too good of shape in hindsight), Rob had put on a few pounds, but still had his upper body muscularity. Kim was at the gym and work more than she was at home now, and it was something that even heroic-ONEitis Rob was beginning to be annoyed with.

Kim had new friendships at work now, mostly single women in their mid to late 20’s while Kim was almost 31. All of her new work girlfriends were single and wanting her to come out with them for drinks after work. They didn’t call them GNOs (girls night out) but this is what they were without calling them such. Dutiful Rob would look after the kids and content himself with beer and movies at home. Even as this became a more common occurrence Rob still clung to the heroic, supportive, father/husband/provider role. Rob still wasn’t what anyone would call a Beta, but in his ONEitis devotion and his increasing domestic role this is what Kim saw in him.

Kim went from living vicariously through her 20’s girlfriends’ weekend stories, to watching them from the sidelines at the clubs, to actively engaging in their escapades. I’m sure most readers know where this is going, and yes Kim eventually cheated on Rob. I had the dubious, but serious, honor of talking him out of murdering both Kim and a co-worker guy she’d hooked up with at 4am after he’d tracked them both to the motel they ended up at that night. He had the kids in the car with him the whole time we were on the phone.

Missing Out

I’m presenting this story, not as some precautionary tale to scare you into not marrying early so much as to better understand the other side of doing so. Anyone who’s read my blog long enough knows I advocate men not even becoming seriously monogamous until after the age of 30. I realize that for most men this is a pretty tall order, and for most guys untenable, but the principle is that men need to realize and actualize their SMV potential before they can accurately assess their true role in the SMP, and then, evaluate the quality of any woman they’d want to become monogamous with according to their Game awareness.

My friend Rob never made that connection and lived (and still lives) by what an adolescent social skill set and his feminized conditioning had taught him. Rob was enraged about the infidelity, but he took Kim back, they went to the ubiquitous marriage counseling, and attempted the typical negotiations of Kim’s genuine desire for Rob. Rob was still playing by a rule set he believed Kim should recognize and should appreciate (i.e. Relational Equity fallacy), but after 3 kids and “missing out on her 20’s”, Kim’s Hypergamy didn’t care.

At this point, Kim’s leaving Rob was just a formality, but the end came when Rob had an on-the-job injury to his back and he could no longer perform his job. He got pretty good disability, but it wasn’t what Kim had built up to making. Blood was in the water, and Kim went feral. Eventually she took the kids and left Rob to his own means, while she moved half a state away to “find herself” and get into the scene she missed in her 20’s.

For the men in the manosphere who want to use Game as a means to locking down an idealized wife, a lot gets made about marrying (or becoming monogamous) with a woman while she’s young – preferably in or just before her peak SMV years (18-24). Generally the idea is that if you can get to her early enough – before she rides the infamous cock carousel – and she’s cut from the right cloth for monogamy, then by way of a guy being the (hopefully) first Alpha she’s encountered, she’ll solidly pair-bond with him – bearing him healthy children in her fertilely prime years and remain his emotionally bonded, loyal and devoted wife for a lifetime.

I like this fantasy, as I’m sure most idealistic men would. In fact it might even be realistic for a guy in his peak SMV years (30-36) to pull this off with the right amount of status and Amused Mastery if his own value is well established. However, as per the story of Rob and Kim here, there is another risk to the ‘marry young’ scenario and that’s what I call the Left Behind dynamic.

Left Behind

In contemporary western society, even the most farm-raised, home schooled of girls are still going to be incessantly bombarded by the ‘be all you can be’ (previously ‘you can have it all’) social advertising the Feminine Imperative has for girls. Raising a daughter in such times (and I speak from experience) is fraught with risks of appearing to be limiting her potential while attempting educate her about the real limitations of women’s fast-burn SMV and the choices she’ll have to make very early in her life that will affect her later life once she’s past those peak years. I should add that for a father to even hint at these limitations publicly makes him instantly guilty of misogyny, patriarchy, male privilege oppression and every other male-crime the Feminine Imperative has a long established name for. However, even mothers will be accused of being domineered by that patriarchal mindset for attempting to educate their daughters about the real limitations of being a woman today and choosing between different life paths.

With this as the foundation, the inherent risk of finding, not to mention wifing-up, the ideal young girl, predisposed to marriage (unplanned pregnancies not withstanding) is that as a she matures, a woman begins to question the choices she made. While it’s almost a cliché now to breakdown the life path that led to the regret of never-married or divorced aging spinsters in the age of career women, the other side of that coin is the early-married woman contemplating ‘her life that could’ve been’ and the motivation to change her path. It’s easy to find fault with women who delayed accepting a marriage proposal for their own SMV convenience or self-interest, but it’s the early-married Kim’s of the world who are far more susceptible to the Eat, Pray, Love script as they approach the downslide of their SMV.

Ironically it’s the same feminine-primary social influence that encourages ‘be all you can be’ (and demeans her for not living up to her girl-power potential) that also embraces her when she re-plots her life course after leaving the husband of her youth. Mix in her single and divorced friends’ encouragement with fem-centric social promptings and top it off with an innate Hypergamy that never stops subconsciously asking “is this guy the best you can do?” after 12 years of marriage and you can see why she’d feel left behind.

As a Game aware, red pill Man it’s imperative that you consider both sides of a woman’s choices and adjust your Game accordingly. Half the reason I made the rough attempt at graphing the SMP and men and women’s SMV’s respective to each gender’s age is so men could predict and expect the behaviors, mindsets and social variables women will be susceptible to at various phases of their lives. It is, however, important, to consider the choices women have made in the lives they led before and after they meet you. It’s becoming increasingly too easy for men to think, “damn, if only I’d have met her when she was younger and inexperienced, she’d be more attached to me now.” This isn’t always the case.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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BC
BC
9 years ago

no idea what Roissy was thinking Well, a) Roissy is known to be a romantic, and has been successfully spoofed before (e.g. aoefe) or b) Roissy knows things he’s not telling lol also, from the rooshv forum: http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-26293-post-499413.html#pid499413 The verifiable details (dates, places, etc.) in the quotes Roosh posts here all match what I found via google and other search aids. That all said, I want to repeat: @Mark: If it is true about you and Kate, then best wishes and best of luck. I hope you can make it work and be happy. And if it’s not true, then… Read more »

Underdog
Underdog
9 years ago

I’ve always been dismissive of Mark’s rantings. I like my writers cynical, not bitter.

Case
Case
9 years ago

This whole affair and how its being discussed between RM, CH and Roosh forums … is funny to me. Seems to expose that we are kind of a clique … a virtual clique as it were where hardly any of us know each other FTF, person-to-person, real-world, but online across a few sites, we seem to find the places we prefer and anchor more heavily there, but it’s all just one-degree of separation – we are all in a little “sphere” together. I suppose you could create a compilation site: RM, CH, Roosh, Dalrock, SSM, etc … it’d be like… Read more »

Matthew King
Matthew King
9 years ago

kate, take it off the internet. Ghost out. Upon the advice of counsel.

Matt

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  Matthew King

Still waiting on the pics.

Still no word private or public (beyond what Roosh has published) from Mark.

And for the record, I’m not scrubbing anything from RM that Mark wrote. Either he’ll be validated by his convictions or serve as warning to others. It’s up to him.

Kind of a pity too, I had seriously entertained the idea of having him write the forward to my book this month. Maybe the timing was a blessing.

Kate
Kate
9 years ago

Alright. 🙁 The ugliness of people never surprises me, but it does make me tired.

The One
The One
9 years ago

The problem seems to be the kid, not the marriage. I met my wife when she was 19, married at 23, we still have no kids at 27. She didn’t miss her 20’s and now she has started talking about kids. The stats still stand the less partners a women has, the less chance of divorce. And younger women have had less time to fool around. Full disclosure: my wife’s first language is Spanish so maybe my life is atypical from most Americans.

Donny
Donny
9 years ago

WAIT – MARK MINTER IS GETTING MARRIED?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

what a soft, weak, hypocrite.

Leo G
Leo G
9 years ago

Ho-hum.

Back to the original post, I have a couple of acquaintances that are staying married, BECAUSE of the kids. One has not had sex with his wife for 3 years now. But he will not fuck-up his daughter. NAMALT, but it seems quite a few are.

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[…] Just found this, from Minter himself, at Rollo Tomassi's blog 'The rational male': Left Behind | Yes, it true. I took a little bit of an ass whipping over the above 75 notches, wet pussy, and […]

Random Angeleno
Random Angeleno
9 years ago

Caught us all off guard, MM did… a lesson there. Case has a cogent point about people who strike one as “off”. But not sure MM came off that way, only that he carried a lot of bitterness with him that I thought seemed unhealthy.

Matthew King
Matthew King
9 years ago

Kate wrote: Alright. 🙁 The ugliness of people never surprises me, but it does make me tired. I’d e-mail you, but, you know… The superficial good feelings you get from the bloggers and urchins online are the same quality as the superficial bad ones. Just remember, it’s all superficial. This medium gives the impression that they know you and you know them, but they don’t and you don’t. Just take a step back and let the frenzy play itself out. It’s not their hatred that’s making them ugly. It’s their insensate disregard for the real lives they are treating as… Read more »

Kate
Kate
9 years ago

Yeah, I understand. Thanks, Matt. You know nothing keeps me down long 🙂 I truly appreciate all you’ve done and said. Caritas: that’s what its all about. You know, I know, he knows, He knows. I don’t envy anyone the remorse they may later feel. Email is on and I’m, unsurprisingly, still living my daily life regardless of this “circus” as you so aptly put it.

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  Kate

Matt King is the Hillsboro Baptist Church of the manosphere. Soldier’s funerals, weddings, no matter the occasion, there he is with the signs, only instead of God Hates Fags, they read God Hates Rollo, Roosh and Roissy.

No questions, no discussion, only convenient piety and admonishment.

xsplat
9 years ago

Best wishes to the both of you. It seems that humans are similar to other primates, in that when a leader gets challenged, they like to pile on. I had my day in the sun-of-hate a few years back on the Heartiste site. It’s not important, and it will pass. Keep doing what you do well well, and that’s your legacy. Not your day in the sun-of-hate. I never bought into Marks anti-intimacy rants, and considered them extremist and denial of an important part of basic human nature. Good to see him owning his desire for a woman to bond… Read more »

Glenbert
Glenbert
9 years ago

So, I’ve seen the stats suggesting that women who’ve been screwed more have less stable relationships, but this anecdotes jibe better with what I’ve seen amongst the guys I’ve known. My own ex was cloistered away getting her doctorate until a couple of years before she met me and wasted 5 years of my life before butthexing a rando. Meanwhile, my buddies who married clubrats are still married 10 years later. And the infidelity forums are riddled with AFCs who married at 20 to church girls. I’m starting to think the defining variable here is not HER n count, but… Read more »

YaReally
YaReally
9 years ago

With regards to the OP, from my archive: ““Oh wow you’ve only been with one guy? That’s really impressive, most girls have to sleep with a few guys before they figure out what they really like in be. You’re so lucky that the first guy you slept with is perfect in bed. Oh? It’s not perfect? Well I’m sure he’s trying, I mean you guys have role played right? No? Well he lets you have toys doesn’t he? Oh he’s jealous of those? Huh…I don’t know, I mean personally I think we should all explore our sexual sides before we… Read more »

FT73
FT73
9 years ago

It wasn’t my plan to be in LTRs in my 20s or 30s. That’s just how it ended up working out. That’s just how it ended up working out. Thankfully they were childless. No babies Daddies or pressure to be a provider male. Hindsight being 20/20, I couldn’t have planned it any better. Because I didn’t plan it! That’s who showed the highest level. They wete attractive and I took it and ran with it. Thank God I’m so glad the are sites like this. It took the Manosphere to learn the word hypergamey. I’m good in bed, dececent looking,… Read more »

FT73
FT73
9 years ago

I meant to type I am 5’9″. I played in bands, never did beta moves at the begining of dating someone It was later in the game my inner beta came up. For a lack of a better term. Or maybe not. I failed the shit tests with The One. Didn’t know it at the time.

Great articlwue about how going beta is bad. Not that being erstwhile will stop an Eat, Lpve Prey scenario. But at least you can dump them with some dignity without an OM in the picture.

FT73
FT73
9 years ago

One last thing for this 3 pt rant tonight:

Eventually it occured at the end of my 20s that women the same age were stuck up. Sure I banged a few hotter than me but am glad I just focused on the 30 year olds that had high IOUs for. Bonus poimts for me: they put more DOLLARS into the relationship than I did.

Enjoy it while it lasts men. Then once it starts onto that hot/cold/hot cycle, get the hell out of Dodge.

FT73
FT73
9 years ago

pS–I made a crucuial typo. What I meant to write in the first post was that I DIDN’T PLAN ON DATING WOMEN IN THEIR 30S THROUGH MY 20S AND 30s. Would’ve figured I would’ve been with people my age. But considering those 30 year olds I was in LTRs with were childish, I’m sure glad I didn’t waste time with stuck-up hypergamists who were in their 20s. Just got a few on the side. And I primarily dated around my age group in my late 20s.

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[…] But instead of her being able to communicate about this issue in a calm mature way, she decided nuking our family was the best course of action, for her.  What was likely also churning in her mind was her revulsion for a recent business failure I had […]

sam
sam
8 years ago

I’ve noticed a huge difference in girls who had bfs between 17-21 yrs old and girls who havent. They seem to miss alot of the ego bolstering that comes from being a single young hot girl.

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[…] Çeviri : Left Behind […]

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