Sunshine Mary had an interesting insight about some of my analysis of Soft Dread:
It may come as a comfort for a guy who’s unused to sentimental declarations of appreciation, but it’s important to remember the why in that declaration, rather than the who in that declaration.
Although it seems mercenary, there is some truth to that. However, we are grateful because our husbands have saved us from spinsterhood. So it’s not a “rather than” situation, it’s that we are grateful to him because of what he has done…it’s both the who and the why. I wouldn’t have wanted to be saved from spinsterhood by just any man, ya know?
Mary knows I love her, and this is in no way a cut on her, but here’s a new item to add to the Hypergamy doesn’t care list:
Hypergamy doesn’t care about who you are, it only cares about what you are.
Your awesome personality, charm and any number of ingratiating personal traits are all perks – value added – that contribute to what you might consider Relational Equity, but as we’ve already observed, Hypergamy doesn’t care about Relational Equity. The problem with Mary’s estimation here is she hasn’t considered women’s Hypergamic capacity to make any man into a special man so long as he meets her Hypergamic criteria.
In the past I’ve described the female sexual strategy as schizophrenic, but what it really is is pluralistic. All the jokes you read as 4Chan memes about ‘chick logic’ are only funny because we all have an intrinsic, largely unspoken, understanding of this sexual pluralism. The female sexual response is characterized by a dual nature, Alpha fucks and Beta bucks.
That’s the simplistic, distilled version ready for easy consumption and understanding, but the feminine sexual response is much more detailed on an individual level, and much more significant on a social level than just this jargon. Every stimulus bearing on the feminine, from how she’ll explain her girl’s night out to her LTR Beta, to how women in the workplace can rejigger legislature to create a society directed by the feminine imperative, all come back to the Alpha fucks / Beta bucks equation for optimizing Hypergamy.
Alpha fucks and Beta bucks is literally a biological imperative for women. I wrote in Balancing Sexual Pluralism about this pluralism describing the desire for that perfect balance of Alpha sexuality when ovulatory impulse predisposes women to it, as well as Beta comfort and security when her cycle predisposes her to it. This isn’t just my speculations, it’s a scientifically documented phenomenon common to all women. Yes, in this instance, all women are like this. It is literally in their DNA.
Hypergamy is the constant striving for an optimization of a woman’s sexual plurality. Although there may be behavioral permutations that women will use to achieve it, or the imitation of it, the underlying motivation of Hypergamy is the same for all women. It’s a hard-coded psychological survival script that’s benefitted the human race since our tribalist beginnings.
The War Brides Effect
Recently there’s been a lot of discussion on the forums I frequent about Michelle Knight, Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus being held captive by Ariel Castro for a decade. Let that sink in a minute, a decade. That’s 10 years. That’s a lot of life to live. That’s a lot of normal to get used to. There are other cases like this; Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart come to mind, but are all of these instances the results of a hard-wired Stockholm Syndrome in women?
As it applies to women, I think Stockholm Syndrome is a convenient term for psychology to a give a name to what really amounts to adaptive hypergamy. Granted, due to media sensationalism we may not hear about incidents where men have been taken captive for as long, but this identifying with one’s captor is far more prevalent in women than men.
Primarily I attribute this to the War Bride effect, wherein evolution selected-for women with a psychological facility to adapt to a new dominant male captor as a species-beneficial survival trait. Have a read of War Brides for the full theory, but the short version is essentially this: in early tribal societies, women evolved a capacity to accept new out-tribe (presumptively Alpha) conquering men as their masters after the fathers of their children were killed or otherwise defeated and neutralized.
This is not unfounded historically. There are documented tribal traditions in cross-culture societies where it was not only accepted, but expected of a man who’d defeated another in a challenge to assume responsibility of the slain man’s children and wife(ves). In terms of inter-tribal warring, it was common practice for the conquering tribe’s men to take (and often rape) the defeated tribe’s women. Another, more humane, version of this War Bride effect is found in Old Testament Jewish law where a dead man’s brother was expected to take his wife to bear children irrespective of the woman’s interest.
I originally went into detail in War Brides about this dynamic due to men’s observing women’s ease of transitioning romantically from one lover to another. That facility is a vestige of a psychology evolved to ensure Hypergamy is optimized with the best mate a woman’s environment (and her own physical conditions for attraction) will allow her. More often than not, in our evolutionary past, a woman’s conditions and environment were not of her own choosing, thus psychological contingencies had to evolve in order for women to maintain a mental and emotional dissonance while still ensuring as Hypergamously optimal a situation as she could.
Women lacking the mental capacity for selective, impersonal indifference to men would’ve been selected-out, either by debilitating emotional breakdown or by her new captor’s disregard for her provisioning. We can draw modern day parallels to the latter situation when we hear about how a woman might divorce her previous Beta provider husband for an Alpha lover only to regret having done so. It’s not the emotional consideration she regrets, but rather the loss of provisioning when her Alpha pumps and dumps her. Hypergamy is sated from one side of her sexual pluralism (Alpha fucks), only to create a deficit on the other side (Beta bucks).
War Brides vs. Alpha Widows
Where all this gets interesting is in considering the Alpha Widow dynamic;
These are the Alpha Widows – women so significantly impacted by a former Alpha (or perceptually so) lover that she’s left with an emotional imprint that even the most dutiful, loving beta-provider can never compete with. A woman doesn’t have to have been an archetypal slut in order to have difficulty in pair bonded monogamy.
On the surface of it, it may appear that the Alpha Widow dynamic contradicts the War Brides dynamic, but if we dig deeper we find that they are both mutually reinforcing principles, and both are expressions of Hypergamy attempting solve the problem of women’s plural sexual strategy.
It is actually a woman’s capacity for selective indifference that predisposes her to an Alpha Widow state because the Alpha(s) she “can’t get over” imprinted an idealized state of an optimized Hypergamy for her. So the guy she banged in high school or college (the one with enough Alpha impression to take her virginity) is the idealization she harbors while married to the dutiful Beta. Even the abusive lout that a battered wife keeps returning to and refuses to press charges on, still represents that Hypergamous ideal to her.
Women will pine for the most significant Alpha they’ve experienced in life. It’s not who the Alpha was it was what he represented to her in terms of an idealized Hypergamy. That’s not to delegitimize women’s genuine feelings of love, respect and devotion for that Man, but it is to say that all of those feelings are consequences of her impression of an idealized Hypergamy.
There’s a lot being made about how women should or shouldn’t settle for ‘Mr. Good Enough’ before it’s too late. Granted, much of women’s indignation about settling for less than they deserve stems from an overly exaggerated appreciation of their true (and decaying) SMV courtesy of social media and social conventions intended to alleviate the anxiety of the approaching Wall. However, the underlying psychology of that indignation is rooted in women being forced to acknowledge that they’ve reached a point in their lives where they can no longer achieve an idealized Hypergamy.
So the stress responses are social variations of “Don’t tell me I can’t have it all”, “I deserve better than ‘good enough'” or, “Look at (insert aging celebrity’s name), she’s proof that you don’t have to settle.” All of these are pleas for a recognition of an imperfect ability to balance her sexual pluralism.
I think the feeling of “special” only happens after the fact. Its impossible to know upon meeting who one will regard as special over the course of time. The only thing that really solidifies it is if you mutually choose each other. You select them away from others thereby marking them as special, and, because they become your only source of romantic interaction, they actually do become special. In many cases (not all) one person is as good as the next. In a great quote from the Jane Austen novel, Emma, the title character tries to advise her friend on… Read more »
Man, why you always gotta pick on me? 🙂 OK, you write: she hasn’t considered women’s Hypergamic capacity to make any man into a special man so long as he meets her Hypergamic criteria. I don’t necessarily disagree with this. But not every man is capable of meeting that criteria. Hence why I said both the who and the why are important. Women will pine for the most significant Alpha they’ve experienced in life. Maybe I just get stuck here because I don’t know what that’s like. Still, I don’t disagree, because I keep hearing everyone else say it’s true.… Read more »
SSM: “Maybe I just get stuck here because I don’t know what that’s like.” With all due respect, there are a couple things maybe you don’t fully understand because you haven’t experienced them. (And that is a good thing! 🙂 )One of them is above: it appears you haven’t been left by someone you considered alpha. The second I’m just guessing, because I don’t know for sure, but it also appears you have never lost attraction to your husband despite his indiscretions. Do you see that forgiving a man you are still attracted to is very different than a situation… Read more »
How is an “Alpha Widow” and a man suffering from OneItis different? Why does a man do that? Some distinction, is a woman is looking into the past with regards to the Alpha, whereas a man is looking forward on a relationship he hasn’t had. As I struggle with unplugging, spinning plates and OneItis, I see that, you, Rollo give women a good model to view themselves, not that many care too. But what is the male model? You have mentioned Oneitis is a personality disorder, but I reckon its an evolutionary mechanism as well. I read something about the… Read more »
So neither men or women want to date down; like Chris Rock says women don’t want to date down (if her man had a car, she won’t get with a car-less guy, house, no more house-less guys), and men don’t want to fuck down (if he had a skinny freak, no more fat fish.) While we share that in common, my take is that on a date or courtship or whatever, when a women perceives a guy is down or not up enough, she sabotages the whole thing. However, if a guy is on a date and perceives she’s down,… Read more »
I think the advice for women to ‘settle’ ends up being bad for men… b/c the guy the end up with just gets treated badly and is in a financial marriage obligation. When a girl blows you off she IS doing you a favor… I feel bad for guys in previous generations that ended up with women who didn’t love them and got treated like crap their whole lives, at least guys nowadays can opt out of the process.
Can I add to the mantra?
“Alpha fucks, Beta bucks, and Omegas suck.”
The biggest problem from my viewpoint is that society is now revved by “what we do”, as opposed to “how we do”. We live in the thrill a minute time of history. Things built to be used then thrown out. If the adrenilin is not running you’re missing life.
So sad really. There is no depth in this type of life.
Having been on both sides of the alpha widow thing… It’s a hoot. No rhyme or reason to it.
Look at Superman acting like a beta in front of Wonder Woman. It’s just a matter of time before she gets tired of him failing her shit tests and moves on to Batman, the original alpha asshole.
@Marky Mark I think the advice for women to ‘settle’ ends up being bad for men… b/c the guy the end up with just gets treated badly and is in a financial marriage obligation. When a girl blows you off she IS doing you a favor… This model of marriage (based around “love” and female acceptance/choice) has very little history. I feel bad for guys in previous generations that ended up with women who didn’t love them and got treated like crap their whole lives, at least guys nowadays can opt out of the process. They actually “ended up” with… Read more »
“Men are attracted to appearance. Women are attracted to performance.”
Define performance however you see fit. Women do. Money, muscles, music…. it can be anything but don’t get lazy and just assume it’s money and nothing else. It’s not. A man has to have something going on. He has to be performing and he has to keep performing.
Try not to get too butt hurt either that a man always has to be performing. It’s a two-way street. I expect women to keep performing on the stairmaster.
Hypergamy doesn’t care about who you are, it only cares about what you are. Christ does the opposite. Christ cares very much about who you are, which SunshineMary rightly acknowledges in her blog. However, she implies in the last sentence of her quote that a man’s standing in a woman’s eyes in some way endows him with worthiness as a husband. This is where I believe the proposed response to the Feminine Imperative – i.e. Game departs from Christianity. In short, if Game is a response to the Female Imperative, it cares as much about who you are as hypergamy… Read more »
LOL. You have a link for everything don’t you?
Christian men who take their faith serious are unarmed in the gender wars. You cannot successfully engage with amoral women from a moral stand point and come out with your soul intact.
None of what I written above is how thing play out in the church
Your comments are solid. Even though they may go against “the grain”, I’ve always derived value from reading them. Thanks for the insight.
Good read. Thought-provoking.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
― Albert Einstein
Yeah, I screencapped the foirst few comments from your “Soft Dread” post, primarily for what sunshinemary said. I understood what what being said by her, on my own. I deserve a medal. No really…. ah.. After I read her comment I pretty much closed the web-browser for all that her comment meant. It doesn’t matter WHO you are, but WHAT you do, as it was said. Having known this to be since 2005. I’ll be 25 come harvest time.
[…] Re: Tomassi’s Hypergamy doesn’t care about who you are, it only cares about what you are. […]
Steve Mockey addresses The War Bride syndrome somewhat in The Woman Racket. He says the famous phrase “He swept me off my feet” literally comes from an inherent fantasy that women have about being “taken” by another man, literally picked up, thrown over his shoulder, and carried away. And it is derived from the same deep deep psychological basis on which War Brides is based. He avoids calling it a “rape fantasy” but he hints at it. Deep in the mind of that woman’s fantasies there is always the possibility that she could end up with a better life than… Read more »
oh come on guys.
This continuing fascination with the female psyche is proof itself of a beta aptitude.
Pussy is so 1950.
I always thought it was a plus to take an ordinary man/woman and make them special. Lets face it, most people aren’t so special, but most are good enough, if they get rid of their especially evil immoral tendencies (just a personal opinion). Thus, I always thought it was a plus to pick one among millions and make them special, instead of looking for something no one else has. An anecdote. My bf loved other women before me, and some of those didn’t even have a great personality, as he admitted. However, his choices weren’t indiscriminate, so I assume there… Read more »
jlw: “Can I add to the mantra? “Alpha fucks, Beta bucks, and Omegas suck.””
No, you cannot add to the perfection that is Great Books for Men, who invented this phrase!!!! And get it right. It’s “Alpha fux, Beta bux.” lzozozozoozlz. lzozllzozozozoz.
@Jacob Ian Stalk
Look, God created women to seek after Alpha seed for a reason. And likewise men to go after physical attractiveness. I don’t see either as the result of the fall. It is the curse of eve(struggle to control her husband) and the curse of adam( toil). As well as the general rebelliousness of men against god.
Don’t disparage god’s design for humanity.
Hm, we all have similar biological instincts to hypergamy. Isn’t the idea to overcome that though? This whole giving women an excuse to act like shit, is just that. An excuse. The only women worth giving a shit about is one who realises her hypergamous biology and rejects it with fervor.
I look on women pining for the greatest alpha they’ve experienced as an almost parallel situation to men talking about their glory-days. It is a mental exercise that reinforces the greatest self-value one has achieved in life. Women measure themselves by the “size” of the biggest alpha they managed to attract in life. Men measure themselves by their accomplishments. Kobe Bryant will, for the rest of his life, likely want to chat with anyone about his 81-point game, and any of his 5 rings. Likewise, Elizabeth Taylor probably spent most of her older adult life revisiting all the alpha she… Read more »
If she’s attracted to you, you’re special. Your flaws are minimized, your features are enhanced 100-fold, and the things you do and believe in are fascinating and righteous. When she’s no longer attracted to you, that all reverses. It’s basically Hypergamy controlling her Reticular Actvation System. Simple and logical, and you can use it to your advantage. I’m out of shape under my clothes, don’t own a car, and have been wearing the same pair of pants for like a year now. She’ll learn these things about me at some point…but understanding the above concept, I simply don’t present those… Read more »
Thought-provoking article, as usual. One question; you write the following: “More often than not, in our evolutionary past, a woman’s conditions and environment were not of her own choosing, thus psychological contingencies had to evolve in order for women to maintain a mental and emotional dissonance while still ensuring as Hypergamously optimal a situation as she could.” Isn´t this supposed to be “mental and emotional consonance”? If I get your gest then evolutionary speaken previous emotional bonds require severance in order to cope with a radically changed environment, so that would mean that any dissonance needs to be harmonized into… Read more »
I’m enjoying doling out Alpha fucks, but I gotta get me some beta bucks. Papa needs a brand new pair of everything.
Maybe this question has been answered before, but sincerely would like to know the answer: how do you get an Alpha Widow to get get through? Is it even possible?
By exposing her to even greater alpha. Otherwise, no, it’s probably not possible. Caveat emptor.
[…] In other words, once again, Hypergamy doesn’t care about who you are, it only cares about what you are. […]
I probably didn’t explain myself very well.
Usually, whats is understood as Alpha widow in this context, is some kind of relationship that included high degrees of dread, instilling insecurity, manipulation, narcissim… well, basically a full dark-triad case.
I guess my question would be something different. Rollo, how do you overcome the memory of a dark-triad alpha, without recurring to those sames techniques?
Interesting blog post I read from a male paramedic explaining his feelings about the female paramedics he works with.
Also interesting to see the angry responses from males and females in the comments.
Rollo, I just counseled a man. He has been divorced for 4 or 5 years. And he just got suckered back into being manipulated. His ex-wife had a big problem and she was on the phone with him pleading for him to come and solve it. He came rushing down, all white night, and took care of this problem all with the hope of rekindling things with his ex. After the situation he was there to solve was well under way and she was sure of the solution, he went to dinner with her. And during dinner she slammed him… Read more »
Why would you want to get an alpaha widow through it? They are damaged goods and your resources would be better spent else where.
Plus there isn’t a real rational way women figure who is more alpha. Yes there is game and all, but a chick will think X is more alpha from one man and less alpha from some other man
Next them and move on to a more enjoyable dating experience
Ballsy writing, Rollo. Philosophically sound and excellent. You could have easily compromised on the truth and your principles, but you didn’t. I see it too much even in the Manosphere. I offer minor quibbles in the interest of refinement of our understanding of truth by peer review. “[Hypergamy is] a hard-coded psychological survival script that’s benefitted the human race since our tribalist beginnings.” “Primarily I attribute this to the War Bride effect, wherein evolution selected-for women with a psychological facility to adapt to a new dominant male captor as a species-beneficial survival trait.” Evolution mechanically rations and recycles limited resources… Read more »
@YaReally Since you have cred from commentary wisdom, you give me hope with the RAS concept. I’m in the no car, no money camp. I’ve pretty much given up until I have any disposable income at all. I’m mid-40s. I don’t know what you are, maybe very athletic, good looking, younger. I will have to work on my persona control. What else am I gonna do? I’m stuck in the life I’ve got.
I dated, and almost married, a hot alpha widow when i was living in Greece in my mid to late 20’s without realising it. In fact, i didn’t fully realise it until i came across the term on rational male last year; i thought the problem was that she was a little crazy and wasn’t ready to settle down. Her bitterness over the alpha that ditched her in her late teens was extreme for a 23 year woman; it is the kind of bitterness i am used to coming across now when i interact with women my own age(34). But… Read more »
Rollo you are basically repating, overe and over here, that women are solipsistic, inherently sexual, primitive and selfish creatures, not really caring about men. While I agree with all this, there remains a big open question? Given this, how could any sane enter into such serious business as marriage with such creature? Hm? Even more, how can you STAY married, how could you live with woman in a commited realtionship, with such knowledge? This knowledge can be soul crushing for ordinary young man in his twenties. Its is advantageous to civilization and to the well being of children as well,… Read more »
@ Gregg “When the ratio of such men, not willing to give MUCH MORE, than what they receive, reaches some point, civilization is completely fucked, my friend” There are a lot more men thinking like this, they are just shamed by contrived social conventions. Being familiar with the aircraft finance industry I was having a conversation with a colleague recently. It was about marriage. In its most basic form a capital lease transfers substantially all the risks and rewards from the lessor to the lessee, the complex asset is transferred from the balance sheet of the lessor to the lessee… Read more »
Females are emotional creatures – simple enough. They’ll do whatever they feel like. In modern environments, there is little reason to be fearful. This change especially affected women in the last few decades with changes in society and technological advancements like the birth control pills. Where there are no setbacks and no danger, the maturation process is halted. You can try and reason with a woman until you are blue in the face, usually it won’t work because of how her mind works. A sensual or emotional experience/action works much better. The more society/technology becomes protective about our physical and… Read more »
i actually came by to drop a line about a song i was listening to, because it just seems to flow with everything we read here, and this article was posted and seems quite relevant. it’s songs like these that help remind me of sometimes slips to the back of my mind from time to time. this is a story of some uppity bitches pre-judging guys based strictly on a few seconds of seeing him. not that there aren’t gross people out there, but here are the lyrics to scrubs, by tlc… “No Scrubs” A scrub is a guy who… Read more »
I think all this talk about hypergamy, alpha widows, and the feminine imperative is good for men… just like we are controlled by our desire for youth and beauty women are controlled by their emotions as well. BUT because of the way society is structured now you can cad it up if you have game and not have to support a family.
New promising manosphere blog:
I am trying to understand. Sure, my question comes from a recent relationship with an alpha widow who eventually dumped me. She was unable to bond because of that memory. But I’m not asking because I wanna fix that. I’m not playing white knight; that relationship is over. But she’s not the first alpha widow I’ve met, and sincerely, I’m tired of nexting girls I like because of that. I have done it in the past, but it’s a mindset that makes me feel like I’m not in control of my own life. “Oh, I really like that girl. But… Read more »
The only way to compete with the former lover of an alpha widow is to be as alpha as you can and use the dark triad to make her more attracted to you… THATS IT. No way you can heal them.
dahhan: Alpha widowhood is the female equivalent of Oneitis. The “cure” is time and experience. Like an obsessive addict, she may become stuck in a mental groove (did you know our thoughts actually make physical tracks in our brains which is why it can be so hard to break out of patterns?) and never get out of it. There really isn’t anything you can do. If she does get over it, it could take years. I tend to think women in this situation are more receptive to beta behavior (the novelty of being treated well) but this won’t last long.… Read more »
“But eventually you become someone unable to connect sincerely with other human beings.” Unable to connect with women, you mean. And why would you want to? You’re approaching this from a beta perspective. You’re asking “how can I make her forget the big bad alpha and want to be with me forever? You should focus on becoming that alpha and discarding any notion of long-term bonds with modern Western women. I consider this just part of being an adult male. “The older I get the more I am convinced that, if I am ever to do anything worth a damn,… Read more »
Butch up dahhan. You have to deal with reality vs how you want things to be. I had to next an alpha widow this week. I liked the girl, a lot. she was unbelievable in bed, nurturing out of bed, never cost much money and had her own girlfriend. However, for whatever irrational reasons she was stuck on a man who had a drinking problem and couldn’t get it up on the regular. By any objective standard I am many times the man he was, but she was stuck on him and inconsolable about him dying. I’m of enough value… Read more »
“What is the alternative? Mark Minters and Ya Reallies? When the ratio of such men, not willing to give MUCH MORE, than what they recieve, reaches some point, civilization is completely fucked, my friend.”
I got to apologize to everyone for fucking over civilization. Sorry.
We are not Powerless! The Matrix is a feminine decline that has happened to civilizations over and over again, and it will burn itself out. It will get hotter. For the record, it is my pleasure to have this intelligent, uncensored discussion with people who are thinking. I don’t know how to write with a shiny, happy tone. I’m not a shiny, happy person. Not a happy camper, but it’s not you, it’s lots of zombie deadwood enjoying themselves at my expense. @gregg wrote: “Its is advantageous to civilization and to the well being of children as well, when men… Read more »
Very timely post for me. The girl I’ve been banging for 4 months has started to go cold blaming being busy. I was taken by surprise and though my instincts told me something was wrong, she kept insisting that not meeting up or staying over was because of being “busy”… I was being gamed and didn’t realize it. I gave ultimatums: tipping my hand at my frustration. I threatened to walk away and got an “ok” followed by completely meeting up the next day and banging. But finally we met up, she was full of anger and sarcasm and after… Read more »
thing is, in the past, the alpha was the sexual being AND the provider. So that kinda shoots the theory of war brides down methinks.
@walawala Nice job learning lessons from your experience. Regardless of your intent in relationships, whether sex or commitment, the most powerful tool we have is rational analysis of our previous relationships. Figure out the behaviors that got the response you wanted, keep them. Figure out the behaviors that didn’t get the results you wanted or damaged the relationship, cut them out. doclove had a comment that made me lol over at heartistes: Amen. With the obvious but not all inclusive exceptions such as female relatives and wives or girlfriends of male relatives or male friends, if a woman is not… Read more »
Totally offtopic but does anyone have any advice to overcoming the ‘butterflies in stomach’ sensation? Pre-redpill i’d have mistaken it for love but I think it’s really just fear?
Young Journeyman. Are you describing the preliminaries of a relationship? My opinion is that it is kind of “tough shit”, too bad, comes with the territory. My opinion is that it the building up of stress agents, cortisol, sort of like fear, but really stress, the production of cortisol. I had this happen to me, at fucking 57, a few weeks ago and I could literally feel that shit moving into me after a long absence of not having it. My arms were even a little number. I think it helps a lot, quite a lot, merely to be aware… Read more »
I was referring to the physical sensation.. which is caused by my attraction to a woman.
Didn’t know that lifting weights counters it, will rejoin the gym asap.
Thanks for the advice.
Recognize it, ignore it, move on to your objective, young journeyman
@Young Journeyman I’m 25. How old are you? Is “butterflies” really a bad thing? Two things for you to think about. 1. The red pill doesn’t mean squelching your emotions. Butterflies do not need to be overcome. They are a biological reality and biological reaction to deep attraction. I want to say enjoy them, but I know that is fucking hard, so just experience the butterflies without judging them. Pre-redpill i’d have mistaken it for love but I think it’s really just fear? You’ve already done the hard part! Men mistake butterflies for love because we’re told that’s what that… Read more »
Fear is a good assumption. Also your thoughts can foster or alleviate that sensation. Try to view yourself as being superior to her. The opposite would be to put her on a pedestal. And you can look at it as a challenge to make yourself tougher.
@Lumpy That butterfly experience may very well be different for you and YJ. In his case it seems to hamper his game while in your case it makes you better at it.
e.g. Fear can be exhilarating or it can make you freeze up.
@Lumpy I’m 20. “You’ll fuck it up with this girl, if you behave according to a label in your head rather than feeling what you feel and acting on the actual situation.” If I were to not reject that feeling i’d have a constant boner on every date, i think that’s counter productive to the whole mating dance thing.. I don’t judge what they mean but I see them as a hindrance that is why I was looking to overcome them because if I do I can control myself better. For example when I got her number ( first time… Read more »
@andrews never put a girl on a pedestal. it runs counter to everything we learn. we are the ones to be chased, and they need to feel that. by putting them on a higher level, that means that we are showing them why they should give us the time of day, when in fact, they need to show us why they are good enough to be with us. which actually brings me to a relationship question that i was hoping to get some advice with. i’ve been seeing a girl for about 7 months now. i love her in the… Read more »
@Andrews Definitely. You learn to handle butterflies through experience. I’m pretty shy. If I have no social momentum, I find it really hard to talk to even random dudes at the bar. If I have momentum, I can pull girls to a dark corner of the bar and make out within 5 mins of meeting. Going out, I’ve been punished over and over for freezing up with fear, so I make myself take action when I’m afraid. I can’t make make myself do it every time, but I never regret going harder. @YJ It’s kickbutt that you’ve discovered this at… Read more »
Thirty is not the new twenty:
@Lumpy I’m very grateful that I discovered this at my age, especially when I read stories of divorced men.. I’m glad I don’t need to go through that. About your assesment of women’s horniness, isn’t it the opposite? Isn’t the media always saying women are sexual, isn’t there the myth of ‘women crave sex as much as men do’ ? There are posts here aswell that detail this for example she’s horny depending on her cycle, women can abstain for much longer periods of time than men etc. On the other hand If you can push the right buttons.. I… Read more »
Rollo Hypergamy doesn’t care about who you are, it only cares about what you are. This is why sliding into betatude kills LTR’s and marriages, and this is why Athol’s MAP or some version of it works Women lacking the mental capacity for selective, impersonal indifference to men would’ve been selected-out, either by debilitating emotional breakdown or by her new captor’s disregard for her provisioning. This is important to understand, although it can be a difficult or bitter truth. Yes, AWALT. The woman who is LTR / married to a man descending into betatude starts shit testing him, and if… Read more »
I know this is extremely late in the cycle of this post. But these post are either very timely or I bump into stuff that reinforces these topics. Bear with on this. And do read the link I post below. It is most reinforcing and explains a lot about the two key recurring Rollo ideas, War Brides and Alpha Widows. Take these two key concepts, this War Brides one and Alpha Widows. In essence that are very closely related and I think I might have found the tie. So back when I was in post divorce pain, I bumped into… Read more »
@twan Yes, it’s always a bad idea to put women on a pedestal, unless you feel kinda self-destructive. But then, why not shoot oneself in the foot? – while we are at it. haha I’ve read through your chapter. To quote N. – “Little doth woman understand otherwise about honour. But let this be your honour: always to love more than ye are loved, and never be the second.” So in other words she should always love you more than you love her. Additionally, be careful not to overestimate her love, a lot of men tend to do that. We… Read more »
Mark M : I dunno, “Evil” to me implies some sort of moral choice, some element of choice and conscience. The foul and vicious things women delight in are no more “evil” than, say, the “joy” a parasitic wasp gets from stinging a caterpillar and laying its eggs in the living corpse. Or lampreys battening onto a passing fish. They do what they do, and to sentient beings these things are pretty repulsive. But it’s not as though the wasps, lampreys or women could even begin to consciously reflect on the moral status of their actions. They simply lack the… Read more »
[…] Value-Added – He’s SpecialFree Northerner responded to my response. I really don’t have anything more to say except on […]
[…] at The Rational Male, has a piece called He’s Special. It is an amplification post, using common tenets to interpret something SSM wrote, then using that […]
[…] Rollo Tomasi – He’s special […]
So, along the lines of this post, I have a story. I hope someone with some good experience with game is still watching this thread. My friend is nearing retirement. He’s an engineer who did very well for himself, and married a wife who earned quite a bit herself. When he married this woman, she already had a 5-6 year old daughter. My friend raised this daughter as his own, she’s essentially the only father she’s ever had. Her biological father is a total loser, who while older then 40 (I don’t know his exact age) is still entirely homeless… Read more »
How old is this BF geezer? About the same I guess? I’ve no advice to hand (well I do actually, loads, but being me, it’s ill-considered, uncivilized and absurdly impractical) so the only thing I can think of that won’t result in a worse mess is they should chuck her out. The parents that is. Assuming of course that they have half a clue as to what’s going on. Focusses the mind wonderfully well, abject poverty. I don’t suppose there’s any prospect of getting her sent to college hundreds of miles away? Even the Carousel is a safer bet than… Read more »
text game with girl I’d been banging…first time I ever showed any emotion…. Me: you were the first person i thought could make me believe in love again. I was wrong. Her: you are selfish, i needed you to comfort me and care for me . YOU LOVE YOURSELF. you don’t care about others. Me: 24 hours later: ya…the guy your mom warned you about. The other day I blew off a party at a club event I had co-created but which I couldn’t attend due to work. In my facebook I’d hinted i would be there. She never usually… Read more »
@Tam the Bam …well I do actually, loads, but being me, it’s ill-considered, uncivilized and absurdly impractical The father has money, loads of free time, and is considering a shovel as a solution, your ideas can’t be that bad. …they should chuck her out. The parents that is. They’re one rule break away from that very thing. Can they afford to wait for Nature to take its course? Maybe, but no one is certain this guy is not stupid enough to accidentally get her pregnant, and that can happen in any random 1-2 minutes. Oh and former Steady Eddy BF… Read more »
Do men want women who they know love having sex with them and present no conscious Game? Who are straight up and let the guy know they don’t have to do anything to get laid; the woman loves sex with them and that thwy can cut the crap and just get after it? Is it too wasy for them that they lose interest?
[…] covered this a bit in He’s Special, making modern comparisons to the War […]
[…] questions. Thankfully, I was wise enough to see from the beginning she had been searching for her first alpha’s replacement by engaging in serial monogamy coupled with a young fuck buddy and a couple of Craigslist hookups […]