The Ballad of Clark Kent

When Lois Lane met Superman he was fighting crime, could bend steel in his bare hands, stop locomotives, leap over tall buildings in a single bound; shit, Superman could fly! Then one day he met Lois and swept her away, rocked her world in the sack and fell in love with her because thats what Super-Men do. After a year of this whirlwind Lois starts to feel her relationship with Superman was lacking something, “Why does he have to always be out there fighting crime, huh? Why does he always have to prove he’s so Macho? Does it threaten his Ego? He really needs to get in touch with his feminine side. What about MY needs and why can’t he just grow up and get a real job? I’m not getting any younger you know, he’s got some responsibilities to live up to. When am I gonna see a ring?”

So eventually this wears down on Superman and he submits to Lois’ requests (demands?). After all he ‘should’ really ‘grow up’ anyway, right? It’s the right thing to do. So Superman changes his name to Clark Kent (Super-’MAN’ was so male self-aggrandizing anyway) and lands a job as a reporter at a great metropolitan newspaper. Clark begins wearing glasses – even though he can see X-Rays, and shoot lasers out his eyes, he wears them because Lois says it makes him look distinguished, intellectual and SHE likes them.

Time goes on and Lois and Clark marry. 5 years into the marriage Lois gets bored. Same old, same old. Clark is so mundane and unassuming. She longs for the days he would fly and do that funny steel bending trick he used to do when they were dating. He hasn’t done any of that for so long; not because he can’t, but because he’s afraid she’ll get upset with him and not put out that evening if he gets ‘cocky’ with her. In fact she’s not putting out even half as much as she used to these days. Clark just doesn’t arouse her as much as he once did and she just can’t seem to put her finger on the reason for it.

Then one night Lois ran into a wealthy fellow named Bruce Wayne at a charity mixer. Bruce was dark, mysterious and in great shape! He couldn’t fly, but he made up for that in so many other ways. He fought crime! He wore a mask and spoke in short, purposeful sentences, never mincing words. He didn’t wear glasses (that was so retro!) and he came and went at the time of his pleasing, not hers. He sent tingles down Lois’ spine (and other places that hadn’t felt tingles in a while) when he began seeing her.

The weeks went by until, after a 60 hour work week at the Daily Planet (swanky apartments don’t rent cheap), Clark made his way home on the subway (since flying had been out of the question for a while now) and picked up a dozen roses to surprise Lois with (he thought she tended to put out when he showed his ‘feminine side’) when he got back to the apartment. However it was poor Clark who got the surprise upon discovering Bruce Wayne bending Lois over the kitchen table when he opened the door. Bruce propmptly toweled off while Clark, slack-jawed with horror, watched speechless.

“How could you? After all we’ve meant to each other!” Clark began to cry as Bruce excused himself from the now estranged couple. Clark was used to crying a lot now to show his sensitivity.

“What could you have possibly seen in a guy like that?!” He shrieked like a school girl.

“Well,..I couldn’t help myself” Lois said indifferently, “Batman is a Superhero.”

And that’s the danger, where do you end and she begins? The reason I wrote Identity Crisis (almost 5 years ago) was exactly this: Men tend to adopt a position of constantly qualifying for a woman’s intimacy, and understandably women reinforce this because to puts them in control of the frame and aids in their sexual selection. Most guys willingly make fundamental changes if they believe it will increase their chances of qualifying for a woman’s intimacy. Are they genuinely inspired, or are they deductively reasoned changes meant to qualify for her acceptance – A+B= sex?

The real insidious part is that the more deprived a man is of that intimacy, the more he’s likely to convince himself that the change is genuine. Whenever I hear a guy or a woman say “we’re working on our relationship” or “relationships are a lot of work and compromise”, it translates to the man changing or compromising to better fit the woman’s ideal. He’s being ‘fixed’, he’s broken and he needs to change. It often gets to the point where the guy will believe that there IS something genuinely wrong with him – it’s her reality he must conform to because the feminine reality is the ‘proper’ reality. The rude awakening comes when she discovers that the man she’s fixed her husband to be is the polar opposite of the Man she was attracted to at the start.


17 responses to “The Ballad of Clark Kent

  • MacAgent

    “Whenever I hear a guy or a woman say “we’re working on our relationship” or “relationships are a lot of work and compromise”, it translates to the man changing or compromising to better fit the woman’s ideal. He’s being ‘fixed’, he’s broken and he needs to change. It often gets to the point where the guy will believe that there IS something genuinely wrong with him – it’s her reality he must conform to because the feminine reality is the ‘proper’ reality. The rude awakening comes when she discovers that the man she’s fixed her husband to be is the polar opposite of the Man she was attracted to at the start.”

    With my newly opened eyes, it is deeply disturbing to see how this was my marriage. Completely convinced I was the a$$hole, and the problem was me, I finally just ended up eating my way deeper into depression and self-hatred.

  • V.

    Well put! A poignant and vivid example of reality. Keep up the good rational work!

  • johnnymilfquest

    Its the same with furniture.

    No woman is ever satisfied with the arrangement of furniture in her living room.

  • xsplat

    Ya, the ever ongoing shit test.

    Woman: “I want you to do X”

    Man: “Ok.”

    Woman: “What kind of a man would do X?!”

    I want you to:
    Hold my purse for a minute while I check out these shoes.
    Not discretely check out other girls asses while I’m talking to you.
    Answer your phone whenever I call.
    Assure monogamy.

    It’s all very counter intuitive, until experience informs your intuition.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    Women are in it for the race, not for the medal.

    Women are only happy when it rains. Their hypergamous nature ensures that they will never truly be satisfied. A little dissatisfaction is natural and is CRUCIAL to maintaining a relationship with them.

    I remember the first time a girlfriend told me “You know I really love the fact that you are ambitous!” just to turn around and bitch at me for having to work until 8 o’clock at night. They can’t have it both ways but their brains don’t understand this so it is up to you to ALLOW a certain amount of dissatisfaction, anxiety, whatever you want to call it. You have to moderate it of course because if it gets out of hand it can work against you, but maintaining that balance is imperative to retaining attraction.

  • xsplat

    I’ve found that as long as you oscillate, you can allow any extremes of emotion. You can show extreme dissatisfaction with the girl, and display intense anger, and genuine brinksmanship over the whole relationship, if you later swing to the other extreme of being supportive and loving and passionate.

    This may seem unmoderated – but that is because we men tend to over-moderate. Girls like extremes. Girls need extremes. Bad dog! Good doggie!

  • Mr. Perfect «

    [...] First, there’s the guy that was once the Jerk, who had been attractive enough, or played the role well enough, to get involved with a woman who successfully “changed” him. And in an effort to better identify with what she’s convinced him (and herself) that he ought to be living up to, he reverts to being an AFC in the relationship. She can’t complain because he’s changed into what she thought she was supposed to want in a guy, but he’s turned into the kind of guy she’d never have been attracted to if she were to meet him while single. So she stays with him up until the point that she meets another Jerk who she wants to fuck and eventually ‘fixes’ him too. [...]

  • xalex

    Oh man, i see so much of my former self in your writings.

    Now excuse me, i have some tall buildings to leap in a single bound.

  • Flushing the Nest «

    [...] beta men, frame control is ceded as part of their wedding vows, but of the Alphas I know who were “fixed” by their women, their backsliding into beta-dom was the result of an incessant etching away of that [...]

  • Just Get It «

    [...] A lot of men will respond that marriage is just not worth all that contextualization of Game, and they’d be right. It’s all risk with negligible reward / appreciation and the liabilities are too steep. Furthermore, there’s a contingent of men who’ll say that it’s impossible to perpetuate the solid Game necessary to assuage female hypergamy indefinitely, and they’d be right too, if Game was a constant act for them that they felt they had to keep up forever. Some guys get mad at just the suggestion that they’d need to Game their potential wives. “She should just love me for who I am!” They expect to be able to drop the Game, relax and be who they are, only to have their wives progressively convert them into an imagined ideal which really isn’t the guy who tingles their vaginas. Then they find out that their wives loved them for who they were. [...]

  • Chauvinism «

    [...] feminized pop-culture, “Where are all the REAL men these days?” Why can’t we have Superman again? All in complete, blissful ignorance of the history and circumstance that have lead to the [...]

  • Miserman

    From AC/DC’s “What’s Next To The Moon”

    Heavenly body flying ‘cross the sky
    And Superman was out of town
    Come on, honey, gotta change your tune
    ‘Cause it’s a long way down

    Clark Kent looking for a free ride
    Thinking ’bout Lois Lane
    It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a suicide
    And that’d be a shame

    It’s your love that I want

  • kayne

    while this post was hilarious in its own right that batman video in the comments was just pure gold. I thank you Anon123 for that video and further proving batman is the one true master of game in all of superhero history and that nobody not even vaginas F*** with batman.

  • FuzzBall

    As a child I always knew being batman was the answer….as a broken 30 year old male attempting to reclaim my lost manhood I once again come to the conclusion being batman is the answer….was my 4 year old self truly smarter than my 30 year old self?

  • HHH

    Yes. Yes he was because he didn’t know he was supposed to give a shit and all the ladies loved him for it.

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