Over the Christmas break I had Dalrock and several SoSuave members alert me to a recent story about the firing of a dental assistant for “being too attractive”. I’d thought it was pretty laughable at first glance, but there’s a lot more going on in this situation than just what’s on the surface here. Naturally the fem-centric media starting point is the egregiousness of the all-male Iowa high court unanimously agreeing that a woman could be fired for something other than her job performance. It’s always interesting to observe the legal twistings when when the feminine imperative smacks into a law it hasn’t yet distorted to its own purposes (like right-to-work laws). I’m sure the case will be taken up the chain to even higher courts, but the operative will be the same – women don’t want to be beholden to general laws that conflict with the feminine imperative. Give it time and new definitions of what constitutes sexual discrimination, and you’ll see how fluidly the imperative achieves its ends.
Beyond the indignation prompting social fallout, there’s an interesting illustration in Game theory here. Melissa Nelson, a semi-attractive 32 year old dental assistant has her 10 year employment stint terminated by 53 year old Dentist, James Knight for representing too tempting a potential lover and too potential a threat to his marriage. This is where it gets interesting:
Nelson, 32, worked for Knight for 10 years, and he considered her a stellar worker. But in the final months of her employment, he complained that her tight clothing was distracting, once telling her that if his pants were bulging that was a sign her clothes were too revealing, according to the opinion.
Well, considering all she wore were standard issue medical scrubs it would appear that it didn’t take much to arouse the good dentist.
While her former boss claimed her clothes were so tight he couldn’t look at her without being aroused, Nelson said the only outfit she wore to work was standard scrubs worn by many nurses and assistants in dental offices.
Think about this for a moment, when Knight hired her 10 years ago she would’ve been 22 and he would’ve been 43. Looking at the more recent pictures of Nelson, I can see she’s followed the standard SMV curve, and while I wouldn’t rate her higher than maybe a cleaned up HB7, no doubt Knight was privy to watching her progress from her SMV peak at 22, to the inevitable two child, postpartum “chop it short” mommy-do at 32. After watching this and enduring the slow-burn, sexual pangs for a decade I suspect that Knight probably spent in inordinate amount of masturbatory energy on her mental image.
He also once allegedly remarked about her infrequent sex life by saying, “that’s like having a Lamborghini in the garage and never driving it.”
No doubt about, we’ve got a beta here. Blatant and obviously telegraphed sexual interest ham-fisttedly delivered as a compliment not only belies the beta, but no woman in human history has ever responded positively to it. In all my time counseling in the manosphere I’ve heard some derivative of this line constantly used by beta orbiters hoping that their ONEitis will get the message that she’s not being treated as well as she should be, and he’s uniquely qualified to appreciate her for her rarity. What chumps like Knight don’t get is that genuine desire and sexual impulse cannot be negotiated.
All a long-married beta like Knight is doing is falling back on his adolescent social skill set. This is the hallmark of a chump who’s never developed his Game beyond what it took to convince his wife to marry him.
Knight and Nelson — both married with children — started exchanging text messages, mostly about personal matters, such as their families. Knight’s wife, who also worked in the dental office, found out about the messages and demanded Nelson be fired. The Knights consulted with their pastor, who agreed that terminating Nelson was appropriate.
Once you see the pictures of Mrs. Knight all of this crystalizes for us.
Now we add in the element of Mrs. Knights suspicion and a healthy dose of parochial shame from their pastor (most likely at Mrs. Knights behest) and we see the good dentist moved to terminate “just an ordinary mom”. Here we see an all too common theme of the feminine imperative; using men to settle a score between women. My guess would be that had Mrs. Knight not discovered said texts, Nelson in all her ‘hotness’ would still be employed.
Knight is a very religious and moral individual, and he sincerely believed that firing Nelson would be best for all parties, he said.
I generally reserve my interpretations of the religious ramifications of Game to blogs like Dalrock’s, but at the risk of encouraging the moralist commenters on my blog, I have to draw attention to how the feminine imperative influences religious perceptions. This very religious and moral individual in all likelihood had been devising scenarios in his head about how he might engage in some kind of sexual tryst with Nelson through out her peak SMV years. He watched her progress through a relationship, watched her get married, gave her maternity leave when she had two kids, and still he pined. That pining only ended when Mrs. Knight demanded Nelson’s termination. Once again, biology trumps conviction, and did so for a decade, but once his back is to the wall he makes necessity a virtue.
Knight fired Nelson and gave her one month’s severance. He later told Nelson’s husband that he worried he was getting too personally attached and feared he would eventually try to start an affair with her.
When you compare James Knight to David Petreaus’ situation you can’t help but notice some surface level similarities. Both married to well-past the Wall wives and open (at least ideally) to getting with younger, better looking women. Their stories are an all too common theme in today’s SMP. Just based on what I see from the pictures, Knight strikes me as that archetypal mature guy who married young (well before fully realizing his true SMV), played by the rules, and probably only woke up to his SMV when a hot 22 year old made him realize his past potential. When a guys like this make sexual allusions comparing undriven Lamborghinis to the objects of their sexual desire, the real message is their own sexual dissatisfaction with their wives. Harboring that angst for 10 years while your ‘too hot to work with’ ONEitis is only infrequently getting banged is a special kind of beta hell.
When I wrote about the redefining of men’s mid-life awareness, Knight’s circumstance is the uglier side of that.
The truth about men’s mid-life crises isn’t about recapturing youth, it’s about finally understanding the trappings they’ve been sold into through their 20′s and 30′s and coming to terms with that often horrible truth. Some men do in fact buy the sports car, get the new hottie wife or act in some fashion that appears reckless and irresponsible. This isn’t due to infantilism, but rather new understanding of their own position as men. They’ve “lived responsibly” for so long and for so little appreciation that when that true realization is made they feel the need to move. They’ve become respected, put in the hours, the sacrifice, the censoring of their own views. They realize now that they’ve sold off true passions in favor of maintaining what others have told him was his responsibility – whether it was his choice or not. And all for what? A fat wife? A shrew? Maybe even a fantastic marriage and a wonderful family life, but also a nagging doubt about not seeing enough of the world by 40 because of it.
Now, before it gets said, I’m not suggesting that Knight have gone ahead and got after it with Nelson (if that was ever a consideration), but I do understand his predicament and the motivators behind it. If anything Knight serves as yet one more warning for men in realizing their SMV too late. The real tragedy here is that for a brief moment Knight was becoming aware of his (waning) SMV only to reinsert himself back into the Matrix with the aid of his wife and pastor. The real damage will be dealt in his new need for constant repression of this knowledge every time he bangs his wife, every time she nags, every time she gives him that doe-like thousand yard stare; he’ll understand the oldest manosphere proverb – once you know about the Matrix there is no going back.
i like how any time it’s a man cheating on a woman, the headlines call it a betrayal, but when a woman cheats on a man, she’s sowing her wild oats, or eat pray loving, or liberating herself from oppression…
@itsme who said “…but when a woman cheats on a man, she’s sowing her wild oats, or eat pray loving, or liberating herself from oppression…”
Yeah, let me fix that for you. She’s Exploring Her Sexuality®.
You Go Grrrrrrl®. 😉
@King A: “Marriage isn’t a mere “contract of monogamy”; it is a covenant and a sacrament. There are high-minded reasons to participate in it” Oh you mean like believing in a storybook about a magic man in the sky? Definitely sounds logical and rational to me, not like believing in Santa Claus. I would definitely make all my big life decisions based on ridiculous stories in a book instead of real world observation and logic. P.S. I’m not religious, can you tell? Have a field day with THAT one lol try to use the word blasphemer if you can, that’d… Read more »
@tatearl on leading women: Keep experimenting with it, it’s really powerful. The hotter girls tend to shit-test you more because they need to test your congruency but as you’ve found out if you hold your frame, theirs collapses and not only do they obey but they do it with a smile and a giggle. Some stuff to focus on that’ll help is your voice tonality (use breaking rapport and make statements not questions even if what you’re saying is a question, ie – “Where are you going. (Pause/stare)”. Don’t repeat yourself when they pretend not to hear you and go… Read more »
[…] Phinn said: There’s something about the religious mindset that fosters your kind of hypocrisy. I think it comes from the incredible amount of double-think that is required to maintain religious thinking. Religious thinking depends entirely on splitting and projection — a constant monitoring of one’s self, a complete inability to cope with most of one’s emotions, and the relentless rejection of most of your own mind as “bad” and intolerable. […]
Phinn said: There’s something about the religious mindset that fosters your (Matt King A’s) kind of hypocrisy. I think it comes from the incredible amount of double-think that is required to maintain religious thinking. Religious thinking depends entirely on splitting and projection — a constant monitoring of one’s self, a complete inability to cope with most of one’s emotions, and the relentless rejection of most of your own mind as “bad” and intolerable. Rather than accept and cope with it, the religious mindset requires that this part of the self be denied and compartmentalized through all sorts of endless magical… Read more »
Rollo, Phinn: You are bores who search for motivations and discover cryptic evangelization in everything I write. And I don’t expect a high-level exchange from a grown man who uses pansy, high-school-girl neologisms like “judgy.” Phinn actually had a decent observation/criticism but bungled it by attacking me broadly rather than focusing on his valid point. No, my “take isn’t all that different from what YaReally is warning men about marriage.” We disagree about the purpose and place of marriage. He warns them to steer clear of matrimony and — because he has no understanding of its proper uses — suggests… Read more »
Then how can you cite my conversations with commenters I haven’t engaged in years?
Then how can you cite my conversations with commenters I haven’t engaged in years?
Because your comments are still visible. If I read a blog post from year ago right now, I can see your comments from 2011. I don’t need to read them in real time, because the websites save comments. How do you not understand how the internet works?
Oh you mean like believing in a storybook about a magic man in the sky? Definitely sounds logical and rational to me, not like believing in Santa Claus. I would definitely make all my big life decisions based on ridiculous stories in a book instead of real world observation and logic. P.S. I’m not religious, can you tell? Damn, YaReally, that was disappointingly stupid. You are usually much better, even when tilting at windmills. Are you drunk? As for the rest of you pontificating poseurs gangbanging straw men and scratching at shadows: try again. There isn’t enough time in the… Read more »
lol I want to live inside King A’s head for like 10 minutes. I bet it would be fascinating. I’d probably have to wear a top hat and monacle.
Keep doing your thing, man!
I completely disagree with all the comments analyzing Dr. knights betatude, and especially that his comment about having a lamborghini and never driving it was pure beta. If he was trying to seduce her, then yes, that’s a very beta way to go about it but as others here pointed out, life is not one long pick-up game. He was married, apparently he is satisfied with his marriage, and he respects his religious precepts. He was not trying to lay her, and if he wanted to, it sounds like she was completely available (situational alpha?), no game necessary. His comment… Read more »
“The Manosphere should be pushing men to cheat. Stay married for the sake of kids, as kids grow up best adjusted in two parent homes. ”
Wrong. Kids grow up best in healthy, loving, ethical, non-dysfunctional two parent homes.
“What’s interesting is that every article I’ve ever read about how having an affair actually strengthens a marriage was written by a woman, specifically for women, and published in media that caters almost exclusively to women.”
Maybe, just maybe, if there are no kids involved. But with kids? NO WAY.
@Yareally, I agree with much of what you post, but I could also argue that putting up with and ignoring all the drama and stupid crazy shit girls say and do also as a “weak frame”. That’s the MGTOW’s view, most are just sick of that and no longer think it’s worth the hassle.
You (and the PUAs) are correct in saying that ignoring it gets you laid, it definitely works. But it also fuels the the fire of batshitness.
@Phero You can look at learning the rules of basketball as being a weak frame because you’re not just running around carrying the ball and dunking it in whichever net you want…but some of us like playing the game and find the fun in it because we understand the rules. If a guy wants to take his ball and go home because he has no interest in basketball, and talk about being better than everyone playing because he does his own thing, that’s cool, long as you’re happy. But if you’re going home because even tho you WANT to play,… Read more »
Great analogy. I’m deeply suspicious of guys on the internet who say they’ve “decided to walk away from women.” Once you learn the rules of basketball, win a few games, and decide not to play every weekend, you don’t announce to the world that basketball is stupid and that you’ve “gone your own way” from sports. You just naturally fill your time with hobbies other than basketball, and hold no resentment towards those that continue.
Usually guys that MGTOW would be the guys that blew out their knee (‘divorced raped’) playing ball and remember the horrible surgery and rehab that went along with it. The game fucked them and they are scared to play again.
Not always FF. I understand game been into it since I bought some RJ tapes in the 90s and never married. I don’t consider myself a pua or player just an enthusiast. I’ve only been aware of this “manosphere” for less than a year, lots of interesting stuff though. But i also have my bouts of MGTOW, I can understand the not wanting to play “basket ball” this week or even a couple weeks. I just don’t see things as black or white as most people on the blogs seem to do. Sex drive is a strong persuader, and I… Read more »
Dar there semi-attractive 32 year old dental assistant hit da wall 2 years ago.
Smelling a male imperative tackling the trying-to-emerge female imperative. Starting from “Common sense” it’s definitely all over…