Amused Mastery

I think a lot of guys get hung up on the term “aloof”. The word conjures up the idea that a guy has to pretend to be looking down his nose at some girl he’s interested in a lame effort to get her to qualify to him. When people read “aloof” they tend to think “haughty” or feigned disinterest. Throw that term away right now, because you don’t want to be “aloof”. What you want is AMUSED MASTERY.

Roissy made this distinction a couple years ago; there’s a difference between an arrogant ‘aloofness’ and a confident Amused Mastery.

A presence of Amused Mastery puts you into a position of maturity while still remaining playfully approachable and forcing her to qualify to you by acknowledging your mastery of her (really all women by association). An attitude of Amused Mastery implies to a woman that by virtue of your maturity and/or authority you’ve “seen it all before”, you already know what women mean when they say or do what she is, and it’s amusing to you. You’ll play along, but only so far as to cleverly poke fun at her attempts to get you to qualify to her. It means you never take her seriously, like a bratty younger sister, but also with the presence of mind of a senior Alpha male who knows her game before she plays it.

I’ll admit, I never fully appreciated the potential of Amused Mastery until I had a daughter. I found myself naturally using it with her because that’s the actual, unforced relation I have with her. When she was younger this added to my Daddy-Alpha credentials, but now that she’s 14 theres a history of my Amused Mastery she finds comfort in. However, I also noticed my wife finds Amused Mastery just as appealing, to the point that she includes herself in my Mastery over my daughter.

Amused Mastery is particularly effective for older men / younger women Game. Assuming you’re in reasonably good shape and have some degree of affluence, being older gives you a degree of authenticity. With maturity comes an expectation of knowledge and experience for Men. I’ve used Amused Mastery with my “pour girls” at promo events and it’s like cat nip for them. You become that Father figure to them (FILF?) that they crave, but can’t seem to get from younger guys. There’s a certain Alpha security dynamic at play between a woman and a Man who emits an ambient vibe of having been with enough women to be able to predict her shit tests, and then pass them with a casual roll of his eyes and a knowing smirk. When a man is giving off the cues of Amused Mastery theres an unspoken presumption by women that he “just gets it” when it comes to dealing with women.


Another term that gets very abused both in the manosphere and the feminine Matrix is the word ‘dominance’. That word also conjures up a lot of preconceptions in people because it carries the same negative connotation the word ‘power’ has been associated with. Women will rarely admit to wanting a ‘dominant’ man or male influence in their lives because the word seems so binary and absolute. In the feminine defined equalism of the Matrix, if one partner is dominant the other must necessarily be submissive. After having been fed on a steady diet of “independent woman” tropes for the better part of the century, to admit to desiring a dominant man is to admit dependency upon him. Dominance is synonymous with aggression and oppression to this mindset, and women and feminized men have a pavlovian reflex response at even its mention.

On the red pill side we look at the truth of the dominance need women have for men. We can evidentially see women’s desire for dominance in their behaviors and the latent meanings of their words, but I think, at present, the manosphere also has a somewhat absolutist idea about what constitutes dominance. We classify it as ‘social dominance’ in that it indicates an Alpha status, but it really goes beyond this. Ideally I think most guys imagine dominance as having his particular woman present when he’s issuing commands to the underlings which he has power over as some form of social proof she’ll want to fuck him that much harder for.

After 50 Shades of Grey became a best seller it became sort of an ‘ah ha!’ moment even for the men still plugged into the Matrix. Women really do get off on being dominated, but this too is a very narrow facet of masculine dominance. Obviously the popularity of that particular type of fem-porn is enough to reinforce that women do in fact harbor fantasies of dominant men, but does it require a sex dungeon and bondage paraphernalia to confirm masculine dominance?

Personal dominance, social dominance, doesn’t have to be cast in such extremes. I am the dominant personality in my marriage and in my family, but that doesn’t mean Mrs. Tomassi plays step-and-fetch-it or wants me to include zip ties in the bedroom. Dominance is much more than making demands and issuing commands. I display it in my speech (even my silence), the way I dress, the status of my career, my attitude towards people on either end of that status spectrum, my tolerance and my intolerance, etc. As Men we have a tendency to think that the more overt our displays are the more women will take notice, but women are far more sensitive to the nuances of our actions than most could imagine. A little goes a long way, and what we think are useless gestures are often the most memorable for women.

Amused Dominance

I got ran up the flag pole by femosphere pundits when I wrote my essays on Dread and Dread Games. Women don’t like overt dominance, just as they don’t like overt objectification or adoration. It’s when it’s covert that they respond most favorably – women love to be objectified, dominated and adored, but only by men who know better than to remind her of it. I’ve always advocated the positive effect of maintaining an ambient threat of competition anxiety with women, but this form of dominance cannot be an overt display. Dominance must be playing in the background, only occasionally being amplified as situations warrant. Women need to know it’s there, but her imaginations of that masculine dominance are more useful to a man than a constant, present, overt reminder of it.

And thus we come full circle; Amused Mastery is a form of social dominance. That sense of knowing the answer before the question is asked, but still giving the answer with a smirk is a very effective form of demonstrating higher value (DHV). An attitude of Amused Mastery begins from a default position of social dominance.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

105 comments on “Amused Mastery

  1. Any time you have to lower yourself to using explicit displays of status or power is seen as desperate act to grab for position.

    The most resonant displays of high value is when it is shown in a stylish manner.

    Any time I hear people brag about money, how badass they are, how much they can lift, I mark those people down as being deficent in those areas and as having low social status. The fact that someone has to verbalize displays of high value instantly cast doubt of that person’s worth.

  2. If you remind yourself that by default men communicate overtly and women communicate covertly, everything makes perfect sense. Covert communication of dominance is the best kind. Everyone notices it, but there’s no backlash. Even things like walking through a crowd. When you’re truly dominant people will make a path for you without you having to say or do anything.

  3. Excellent post….especially ties into LTR game I think


    Women don’t like overt dominance, just as they don’t like overt objectification or adoration. It’s when it’s covert that they respond most favorably – women love to be objectified, dominated and adored, but only by men who know better than to remind her of it. I’ve always advocated the positive effect of maintaining an ambient threat of competition anxiety with women, but this form of dominance cannot be an overt display.

    I think the part about it not being overt is absolutely essential. The magician can’t reveal the details behind the trick otherwise it ruins it. I think this also explains why you can’t have an intellectual discussion with most women on something like this. By its nature, analyzing and discussing makes it overt, and probably flips that emotional trigger to react against it.

    I got ran up the flag pole by femosphere pundits when I wrote my essays on Dread and Dread Games.

    Oh yeah. Here’s whats funny. In the discussion of this over at HUS, Susan basically admitted that at one point in their marriage her husband gave her an ultimatum of either you will do this or this marriage isn’t going to last which actually is pretty overt. But somehow she was able to rationalize what he had done wasn’t actually “dread game” so therefore it was OK. What I’ve come to realize more and more is that with most/all? women perception is reality. Terms like “dread”, “dominance”, are just words on the screen. Women will interpret the behaviors in different ways to make the terms themselves meaningless as descriptors.

  4. Good post, particular the last part about keeping your dominance covert instead of overt. Subtlety is HUGE when dealing with women. You can’t just scream at a woman or try to overtly display dominance. It doesn’t work. It just scares the cat. Subtly displaying dominance is actually somewhat hard to do for regular average guys.

    Rollo: Do you have any specific pointers about how to covertly display dominance?

    [This is really contextual depending on the guy, but you may want to read Command Presence for some ideas.]

  5. Great post. It’s a timely reminder. I went too overt on dominance and dread game recently with my wife, and it backfired. Having used more subtle and humorous communication in the past, I know that less is more. Got to remember it’s “show” not “tell” for optimum results.

  6. I always give a little slap on the ass while telling her to run along. Not sure if that’s an example of Amused Mastery but it keeps it playful.

  7. Outstanding post. The FILF acronym is a meme that ought to grow legs, but in a way it’s already embedded in the female psyche.

    As I progress in this endeavor to explore my own masculinity and cultural heritage, more and more I learn it’s all about the nuance.

    Form follows function, and the gross form of basic movements and tenets of the novice eventually gives way to the subtleties and more subjective experience of the intermediate and expert.

  8. “It’s when it’s covert that they respond most favorably – women love to be objectified, dominated and adored, but only by men who know better than to remind her of it.”

    An excellent distinction that could only come from a FILFy mind 🙂

  9. Exactly- knowing the answer before you ask the question. I’ve heard that exact definition used to describe ‘brilliance’ in an academic context. I always do this, it’s like creating a little game for someone.

    via text:
    man: You’re one of the more girls I’ve met out here
    man: More fun*
    girl: 🙂 thanks. you are hilarious.

    A neg, a compliment, a dhv, and you know it’s going to get a rise.

  10. @MikeC74

    What I’ve come to realize more and more is that with most/all? women perception is reality. Terms like “dread”, “dominance”, are just words on the screen. Women will interpret the behaviors in different ways to make the terms themselves meaningless as descriptors.

    I saw a neuro-imaging picture that brought this concept home. Women think emotionally with the right side of their brain, while men systematize with the help of logic.

    The way all of us gain a theory of mind is to first start with our own experience, and then extrapolate out from that. So young men dealing with women simply can not wrap their minds around the lack of logic. How a woman will claim to see a forest of feeling, but when you point out one by one that each tree is in fact nothing but a shrub, she STILL feels she is right and that the forest is really there. Feels.

    Some FEEL their beliefs so strongly they will outright tell you that masculine logic is oppressive and wrong. Which to us is of course outright stupid insanity. Because it is outright stupid insanity.

    It takes experience after experience for years and years to be able to accept that women are crazy. And even then, they can be very frustrating creatures.

    So, ya. We learn to take them less than seriously. To treat them like children. To have amused mastery and ignore or laugh at most of what comes out of their silly little mouths.

  11. ” …but does it require a sex dungeon and bondage paraphernalia to confirm masculine dominance? ”

    I’ve always thought of that as a kind of overcompensation. Not that it can’t be fun, but it just seems like a person with an adequately dominant personality wouldn’t need to act things out in such a way.

    Why tie a woman up if you can own her soul with words ?

  12. This thread reminds me of the distinction between the words, “dominant” and “dominating:” The former is your amused mastery. The second word has more of a captive or controlling sense to it and is sometimes a more objectionable concept. I suspect the femosphere you mention got its panties in a bunch by conflating the two meanings.

    The former word, “dominant,” is an adjective and merely describes someone’s state or capacity. It can be used without reference to a direct object being acted upon. By contrast, the second word, “dominating,” is the gerund of the verb “to dominate.” And like any verb, it’s associated with an action towards a direct object–a specific person or thing being acted upon. To be “dominated” evokes a more specific feeling of being controlled whereas to merely be around a “dominant” person does not.

    Someone can be dominant without dominating or controlling in a particular person or situation. …And that’s what’s behind the word or quality’s appeal among women. To be dominant means one has the capacity or the power for control without necessarily exercising it. To be dominant means one isn’t revealing a specific need, fear, or insecurity to control. A man who is dominant (and not dominating) gives security to a women without triggering her feminist fear of being controlled.

  13. This is very timely and interesting. I’ve recently started to game girls in their 20’s. I’m late 40’s.

    My success rate is about the same as with any other type of girl. But a few things.

    One, friends my age start to make jabs and comments about “jail bait”—which I now take to be AFC frustration. These girls are mid-20’s, hardly jail-bait.

    Secondly, the girls that I’ve had the most success with have either been mature and have chased me.

    Or, i’ve demonstrated the “Amused mastery” by teasing them and otherwise not seeming fazed by their hotness while at the same time doing push-pull and other normal game.

    Last week I met up with an 18 year old i met online who within 45 minutes of meeting me was making out with me.

    The one thing that does happen is that the ASD comes up quickly and some will ask my age.

    My response is usually to reframe with: “I’m Benjamin Button” or “I’m like 70….” or if pushed, “Do you want a boy or a man?”

    I say this with a big laconic smile.

    This will not work with all girls. That’s why game a qualification is vital.

    I digress. Back to the point. Amused mastery is “acting”, it’s acting like you don’t care, like when the girl is shit-testing you and wants to pull away or says “ok, i’m going” and you just smile at her and don’t move.

    Amused mastery is when you keep your frame and slow down, smiling, chuckling at some thing she’s done.

    I was doing this with a girl who had been giving me IOI’s and had her saying “Why do you keep giving me ‘that look’?” —the look of the raised eyebrow and cocked head to some comment she made.

  14. It soooooo complicated 🙂 Women want “dominant” men, women want “confident” men, you have to have “game”, women want “jerks”, etc You have to fulfil this 1000 points check list and meet subsequent shit tests, you have to overcome last minute resistance, you have to schedule this – dating “game”. It is somehow too much work, isn´t it? Young guys are scratching their heads what the fuck that all means. Nerds with 150 IQ are producing definitions of “dominant” and “confident” men, game, shit tests, tec. Gentlemen, please!

    Women are very SIMPLE, not complicated, creatures. They are basically WALKING SEX ORGANS ruled by passion and emotions and you are their sex toy. You are trying to persuade such creature with your complicated…ehm…BEHAVIOUR?

    You are observing and trying to mimic the behaviour of an attractive man. But bear in mind that attractive man does not need to qualify to women. If you are attractive women will show you their interest and they find their way to fuck you. She even schedules her events to catch you. But the reason of why attractive women want him is NOT his “amused mastery”. He often does not know a thing about the world. Women want his genes in the first place. His “do not give a fuck” attitude is the logical consequence of his being attractive to women, not the reason thereof. If you have too much candy you do not need another one.

    Unattractive men are qualifying to women for a good reason – they would be non-existent otherwise. Women would not notice them. Therefore they are doing those ..ehm..”routines”, etc. Therefore they think that you have to DO something to be worthy of chick, you have to show off to her to notice you. From their point of view it is logical – cos women would not notice them otherwise. They are basically screaming at our lill beauties – “here I am, notice me!!!!” If they remain silent and employ this ..ehm…amused mastery, they might remain completely invisible. So I do not know if those advices are useful to them 🙂

  15. Rollo, love your blog, so much hidden wisdom in every post. While I have subscribed and get updates whenever theres a new post, I still like to browse old posts on my mobile. Have you considered mobile-enabling this site? A “random post” function for us browser wouldn’t go amiss either.

    Just some suggestions, but I wouldn’t read your blog any less if they weren’t implemented.

  16. This is not so much a comment about this topic, yet it is.

    My niece has a cute friend, an 20 year old HB7 who thinks that she is an 8 and is grooming herself to be a “trophy wife”. I think she is gonna be disappointed. But she is very status and money motivated in her choice of men. But anyway, the last I had heard from this girl was that she had met this “Ideal boy” who had a winning smile (I had met the guy) and his family owned a restaurant.

    A couple of months later, my niece mentions that some other guy was trying to hit on this girl last night. I asked “So what happened to whats-his-face”.

    She answered, “He turned out to be a creep. He was very possessive and controlling. Constantly texting her at work, knowing she couldn’t get texts at work.”

    SOOOO. The Rollo Tomassi voice in the back of my head says “BULLSHIT. There is more to this than that”.

    I said “What was she doing to make this guy insecure and also when women have GENUINE DESIRE for a man, his texts don’t bother her, even if she is at work. It’s text and no one knows except for her. So why was she backing away. She was COVERTLY COMMUNICATING her disinterest through her actions.”

    There were a couple of other “things” the guy had done with once again, things that if the woman had GENUINE DESIRE, they would not have been “firing offenses”. But I sensed she was looking for a reason to pull away from the guy. So I kept pressing. I had thought maybe he had failed some shit tests or something, had kissed ass a little too much on a 20 year old cute girl. It was far more basic than this and certainly warranted this girl creating a cover story for dumping the guy

    So it turns out the guy has about a 3 or 4 inch dick but little Miss Trophy Wife couldn’t broadcast to the world that she would actually dump a guy because he had a little dick. She couldn’t admit that the size of a dick was important to her like it was to “those other sluts”. No, he had to be controlling or possessive or something from femcentrically acceptable than having a little dick.

    So the rationalization hamster cooked up this other less slutty behavior from the guy to justify dumping him.

    The funny thing is that even though all the girls in the circle knew the dude has the tiny dick, the publicly repeated excuse from all the hens in the coop was “controlling creep”.

    I mean, it was Amused Mastery to pull this out of my young niece by using ROLLOLOGIC. I had a smirky smile on my face the whole time as I interrogated my niece to get to bottom of this.

    Before this site, I would accepted her initial story at face value. Not now.


  17. @Gregg

    Read my comment about how this Rollo stuff works.

    Also, Roosh had a comment a couple of days ago that there is so much more knowledge on both sides out in the open and common awareness that your father and mother probably would not have married if they met today.

    40 years ago, your mother would have showed an indicator of interest and if your dad didn’t pick up then she would have been a little more overt to insure he got the message. Today a young girl would assume he wasn’t alpha enough because he didn’t act on it immediately. When your dad finally did ask out your mother and they went on the date and he had some nervous habit then she would have consulted with her hens to cure him of it. Today she would blow him off and she would burn him on Facebook that he was a creep and not alpha enough. If did start dating yet he wasn’t progressing fast enough at work, then she would coach on what to do at work or how to press for a raise. Today she would dump him for the next better deal or fuck around with his more successful friends behind his back.

    This stuff works. Stop minimizing it. I am a 6’3″ blonde haired blue eyed, buff on the thin side with muscles and up until I was 38 I used to hear all the time that I looked David Bowie, all the time. And I still took shit off of women because I didn’t know this stuff. Being attractive is important but it not everything. I was always reluctant to approach. I was always the nice beta. My friends would say “Mark. Jeez. Don’t take being tall and blond for granted.” And I would say “It’s not everything you think it to be”.

    There are so many situations from my past where if I knew this stuff back then it could have been so much better for me.

    If for nothing else, the ability to hear what women are actually saying masked behind the bullshit that they do say is invaluable and once you crack the code, it is easy to have that smirk on your face. I think what this post is saying is once you truly figure them out and can see what is a shit test and what is bullshit and what they are truly saying it becomes like being the very dominant fighter that can block every punch another fighter throws at you and in the end, he is dominant.

    The P.S. to my comment above is the new guy that is trying to hit on “the trophy wife” wannabe girl I mentioned above is failing. He is a big guy that is normally successful with other women by being an asshole. But with this cute girl he is being supplicating to the point that it makes my niece laugh to see him act this way. And he is failing miserably. Everything he does is showing to this girl that she has higher value than he does and she is rejecting him out of hand. Her excuses are “He smokes pot and he doesn’t have a good job nor a path to get going”. We all know that’s bullshit. She sees him as having lower value than her because he is busting his ass, like running ahead of her to open a door, to show her his lower value. He needs to walk away right now. Its his only chance to get with her. Or to have some self respect in the situation.

    One other thing. My sex life took off once I started employing dominance in the bedroom. No one will ever convince me otherwise. I pull their hair. I spank them. I smash kiss them. I pinch them. I hold their hands over their heads. When I do them doggie style I push their faces down into the bed and I step on their faces and hold them down. I call them sluts and make them tell me they are sluts. AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SUCCESSFUL SEXUALLY.

    When I was Mr Sweetie Touchy Feely, I would get dumped. I started to evolve to this dominant thin, little by little, a little slap on the ass here, pulling her head back by the hair when I kissed them. Now I don’t even wait. I get right into it. And it always works. None of them have ever said to me “Hey, back off”. One woman said to me “Mark, you certainly understand the sexual tendencies of women”.

    The one moment when I knew this was the final truth was when I was having a first kiss this woman and she was giving these little peck peck, reluctant little kisses. She had a ponytail and I yanked her head back by it. And her face lit up. Her eyes smiled like “OH, you’re like that.” Everything changed in that moment and she got immediately more passionate.

    You know where I learned it? Discovery channel and porn. Also my cat. I had this prissy little princess snotty little siamese cat girl who was exactly like the Disney Siamese cartoon cats “We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don’t please”. If you ever owned one you would understand that line. She went in heat and we wanted to get some kitties and give them away. We knew a friend who had a friend who had a male. Caesar. He was fucking giant, the biggest male Siamese I have ever seen in my life. His head was bigger than grapefruit. He stared at her for a minute, she started running, and he ran her down, slammed her head down, pinned her, and fucked the shit out of her. They were growling the whole time.

    There is a joke. Noah tells all the animals on the ark “No fucking. We only have room for the two of you.” The cats said “We’ll make them think we’re fighting.”

    I used to just think it was me and that women that were attracted to me were attracted to me because they were like that, but not all women were like that, only the ones that were attracted to me. Because all the ones that were attracted to me were like that. Now I know, from the internet, and from these blogs, and from Christian Grey, all lot of them are like that

    But then I would fuck up the relationship by being all “gentleman” nice guy chump out in the living room and it caused drawn out break ups where the woman was torn over how felt about me sexually yet issues with me otherwise because I failed every other shit test.

    So never underestimate the power of dominance. Rollo does a good job of explaining this and it is timely. A couple of weeks ago, Roissy put a picture of Prince Harry. A hot girl is leaning on his shoulder, jabbering into his ear, and Harry had this look of the Aloof Alpha. Roissy said “This is the look you want on your face to convey alpha.” I been wearing it every since. But what I understand now, after this Rollo post is that Harry also had the look of Amused Mastery on his face. Not only was he aloof, but there was a hint of smile in his eyes even though he appear to be looking off in the distance at nothing, not paying attention to the girl,

    But he was.

    This stuff in this blog works. Accept it. Apply it. Stop fighting it. Even if you only read it and not actively go ahead and actively trying to employ it, it still changes everything.

    ‘ve been reading this blog, Roissy, Roosh, for a few short months. Today someone said “I’m so glad football started because you seem to be coming out of your funk and your shell.”

    It ain’t football baby. It’s Rollo.

  18. Amused mastery for me is a man who is not ruled by fear or appetite and his self worth is not easily threatened because he is not emotionally dependant on others for a sense of his own value.

    He would have to be extremely self possessed.

  19. @Mark Minter

    First off, you’re anti-marriage rant was epic.

    Second, in your comment above refuting gregg’s point, something needs to be pointed out:

    For a good looking guy like you (according to your description), the addition of “game” would have an exponential effect that doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone else that isn’t as good looking. I remember when I first stumbled upon Roissy (now CH, although I suspect it’s a different writer), and he touted “looks not mattering very much” quite often. While I agree having game and average looks is better than good looks in no game, I did something that made me understand his dynamic much more. I went to and looked up roissy in DC. And that’s when it hit me as to why he’d tout the “game” aspect of attraction so much. He’s already a tall, good looking dude. For a guy like him, you, or flyfreshandyoung, game would simply be the final piece to the master puzzle. So from that perspective, it might seem like “game” is the end all but simply for you and guys like you it’s just the final piece, a piece which has a significant multiplier effect. One of the things that I like about flyfreshandyoung is that he recognizes – more than most – the importance of his own looks in his pick-up.

    People say things alot on these comment sections along the lines of “the good looking guy may get her at first, but the “Alpha” guy steals her away”. Think of the biological significance of this statement. The ugly “alpha” guy can steal her away but the good looking guy is getting first access to impregnating her. So all in all, gregg is pretty spot on about the attractiveness aspect to it all. It’s not everything, but it’s more important than alot of people are giving credence to.

  20. It’s a really bitter part of the red pill that people don’t want to digest. Alot of guys on here have swallowed the red pill, not nearly as many have fully digested it. Truth hurts, but it sets you free.

  21. Nek, yes, even the best thinkers and writers with a great wealth of experience can become confused as to what value to put on the various variables of attraction. I’ve long disagreed with what had seemed to be Roissy’s view that in the end all attraction traits boil down to or can be replaced by confidence. I think it’s a pretty huge mental map error.

    I view the various attractive traits as belonging to different categories, and it’s your overall total score that matters. You can’t be ugly and broke and short and skinny with no social support and super confident and have as high a total score as a guy with a full set of attraction triggers.

    And like you say, scoring high with looks gives you a big boost to your score.

    It’s not ALL about confidence and attitude and what you say and do. And sometimes that’s not even the easiest variable to effect. A man needs to play the long term game and slowly over years raise his value, through every means possible. Highlighting only game can really do a harmful disservice to the young guy, who can focus too much time and energy on learning to push attractiveness triggers that won’t serve his as well once he’s older, or if he travels, and neglecting fundamentals such as career or his body or even his social networks.

    And that’s going to be a blind spot for guys who already have high value. They aren’t going to notice that their success is not easily replicated by the ugly short guy.

    I’m an ugly short guy, with a big bald spot and not much on top. In any bar or club 98% I’m the ugliest guy there. Being aloof does nothing for guys who are not already projecting high value. We are just an aloof wallflower that nobody cares about then.

    There are different brands of game that people use, and the other two Rs heavily emphasize a brand of game that works best for higher value guys (tall, with at least average to above average looks) who are looking for one night stands or no strings attached relationships. Roosh for instance is careful to select girls who are putting out signals of sexual availability. He may even at times be screening for women with attachment avoidance issues.

    But there are other types of game that rely more on emotions. A love at first sight type of game, that includes the black and the white keys on the keyboard. Dominance as well as bonding.

    We’re going to learn more over time as more men from a variety of backgrounds join in the discussion. The aloof alpha game is a style, not a fundamental principle.

  22. And Heartiste still uses a common dictionary definition when he talks about being aloof. From his latest post “HER: My vagina burns for violent sexual adventures with an emotionally opaque, aloof badboy who makes me a little scared for my life.”

    So when he uses the term he’s not just talking about amused mastery.

  23. I should mention that I’ve found a way to compensate for being ugly, that works on some women. I obviously have a smaller pool of women for whom I meet their minimum level of attractiveness, but none the less once I get my foot in the door I can close the deal and then get them deeply emotionally hooked and physically bonded.

    But it’s nothing about being aloof. Aloof is a word, and although we like to twist into whatever convenient form fits our ideology, it still holds the simple community agreed upon dictionary definition.

    The ways that I overcome the handicaps of ugliness have more to do with strong passion, and sex. Subjects you would be unlikely to see discussed on the two R’s blogs. Roissy in fact suggests that you don’t even worry care if the girl comes. His seduction style is absolutely not about having the girl feel engaged in a whirlwind of mutual romance, and if his relationship style is it’s not discussed.

    There are huge, monstrous blind spots in game as discussed on some manosphere blogs.

    So don’t just rely on that style, unless it is congruent with your needs and inner workings.

  24. @Mark

    Mark, I understand your point nd you are correct in many things. The reason of why I am speaking this way is that I´ve been on both sides of the fence. As a young guy I used to be quite attractive – and I´ve had my share of beauties. My buddies knew a lot more about women, were maybe more confident but they often did not even get the chance with beuaties when I was there. I was ignorant back then but I loved sex and women loved my body. SIMPLE as that.

    Now I am in my late thirties. I am quite succesful lawyer and businessman, I have my own company, good status. I know (due to my practise in divorce industry, many beauties under my belt and my analytical brain) maybe more about women than most guys on this planet. BUT I am balding and overweight. I let myself go, you know – business, high level of stress, etc. And let me tell you, that even with all this knowledge and experiences, employing “amused mastery – level 67890%”, there is huuuuge difference of how I used to be treated by beautiful women and how they see me now.

    Now I finally understand the point the average guys are coming from. It is completely different reality. This hottie in restaurant that a couple of years ago would have been heavy flirting with me is now looking past me. Even if women know about my status and wealth and they are sleeping with me, it is different. Such is the power of attraction and looks.

    Not do not be mistaken – dominance and confidence are VERY, VERY important traits with women and If we want to keep an attractive chick we better have them. But genuine desire can not be bought nor negotiated.

  25. a·loof/əˈlo͞of/

    1) Not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant.
    2) Conspicuously uninvolved and uninterested, typically through distaste.

    Even the most insightful and interesting writers can have this blind spot: guys who already have high value can run an aloof game that either flat out doesn’t work for guys who lack their advantages, or completely misses addressing the emotional needs of a regular non-dark-triad man.

  26. As a woman, this post and thread are utterly bizarre to be. From our perspective this is all should be very obvious. I feel like I just got a glimpse of how in this particular way (reading emotional cues, etc), men’s minds are inferior to women’s. Not to say that men’s minds aren’t superior in their own way – as many of you acknowledge when you complain of women being “ruled by their vaginas and emotions.”

    This is because you’re still basing your presumptions on what ‘girl-world’ has taught you to believe about men. And, as a woman, you’ve never had cause to question it because feminine Duplicity is just your normative state. Women want a man who “Just Gets It” but they fail to see the meta-shit test inherent in wanting a man to ‘get it’ in spite of their deliberate attempts to confuse him.

  27. “From our perspective this is all should be very obvious. .. I just got a glimpse of how in this particular way (reading emotional cues, etc), men’s minds are inferior to women’s. ”

    What exactly is it that should be obvious? Do you not notice that women deliberately obfuscate their true desires?

    It’s not a matter of men not being able to read women’s subtle cues. It’s a matter of women working very hard to not give off accurate cues.

    It’s only through long experience and the sharing of it with other men that we can learn about you at all. It has very little to do with your “subtle cues”.

  28. Great post, as usual.

    I like to do the less-is-more frame-based dominance. I wrote a bunch of chick crack routines last year which are basically this. Recently I do things like pat a girl on the head as a reward, when she’s agitated say (deadpan) “Is that your angry face?”, physically move her out of the way when I want something (rather than ask her to move) etc

  29. Start a journal of all the specific instances of you using this technique for your daughter and you’ve got yourself a valuable e-book product. I have a daughter and that’s something I’d be interested in.

  30. Fascinating topic this. AMUSED MASTERY. I also agree that the Prince Harry stare-blankly-at-the-horizon-with-a-hint-of-smirk look is the picture that captures a thousand words. It’s being absent-minded and present-minded at the same time. If you can pull this effect off with your own mother without it stressing you, you’ve got the idea.

    One of the most popular Seinfeld episodes produced the most popular catchphrase of its time: MASTER OF MY DOMAIN. This is the alpha key, the holy grail of “game”, albeit I doubt the show’s producers knew what they were really letting on. I also agree with the statement that you can only pull off the Prince Harry effect if you’re incredibly self-possessed. That kind of senior-alpha authenticity can only come by being master of your domain — that means having a ruthless level of self-command and command of people and things in your operating vicinity, and possessing the habits, structures and routines to support this in all areas of your life. It shouldn’t suprise that Prince Harry has the benefit of centuries of royal court tradition behind him to invoke this self-mastered pose.

    Vladimir Putin is a senior alpha in this regard. As master of his domain, he commands leadership of a nuclear nation. His foreign policy is no-nonsense. He is an accomplished martial artist, rider and athlete who ice-dips and flies a plane to lead Russian geese on their migratory path. He is incredibly wealthy. He has a super-loyal, super-submissive, super-pretty wife. With that kind of self-possession, he’d look upon this blog post and comment thread with a kind of, shall we say, amused mastery.

  31. To take a scientific tack:

    I suspect that “amused mastery” is a byproduct of “self mastery.” In more specific terms, mastery over one’s psychophysiology.

    While this might sound like psychobabble, I’ve heard scientists suggest that in studies, elite athletes, scientists, and entrepreneurs have greater control over their psychophysiology than average people. Specifically, it was noted that these elite performers can control physiological markers like heart rate and heart rate variability (HRV, which is a proxy for sympathetic vs. parasympathetic tone).

    Importantly, it appears that while these higher levels of control might be genetic, they can probably also be learned through training (I know of a few methods).

    All of that is to say: Amused mastery can probably be trained.

  32. Just when I was about to close the page, lalalala hits

    “From our perspective this is all should be very obvious.”

    It would be obvious if for 30+ years almost every newspaper, magazine, book, movie, would not be trying to blind my eyes and ears with “women are these emotional angels that need a connection”,

    It would be obvious if for 30+ years, people in my family would not be blinding my eyes in relation to what women want, and men would not be silent what they go through.

    It would be obvious if women would be giving out clear signals, and owning up to them when they do, and not blaming men for being unable to read the little pinky standing bent at 15.67 degrees as “Please come over and say hi”.

    For example: A girl that I am happy not to have moved further than the point we moved to, but a good study case for me, good looking woman and extremely flirty and good in it,

    “So, we kissed that night and it was beautiful”
    “Good for you”
    “Yea but the next day we did not talk about it”
    “But you met”
    “Yes. And then I sat like this (insert very sexy pose) and looked at him like this (insert very sexy looks)”
    “And he did not get the point?”
    “No. He asked me about the looks (the poor saps attempt at flirting, which backfired due to his lack of… amused… mastery), and I told him, no, what the fuck are you talking about”)
    “So it is done?”
    “Noooo.. I want to see him again… It felt so good”
    “You are and idiot and insane” (In my naivete I thought this comment would set me free, I did enough studying)

    So this guy, who she will see again in the coming week, is supposed to know the obvious? (unless he goes the “I don’t care what the fuck she is thinking” , route)


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  35. I’ve been listening back to music and cultural trends over the last 30 years – was the last time we had female-voiced music expressing a mature outlook on life? To wit – I played out some of that Miley Cyrus 4×4 thing – then had to bleach my brain with Phyllis Nelson and Jennifer Rush.

    I was wondering – with blue-pill female idols being idiots like the Kardashians and the overgrown primary schoolkids on Real Housewives – and the need to be an “amused dad” as grown women effectively act like spoiled children… rather than mature women who ARE true First Officers in Athol’s model.

    We blokes WANT a grown woman who can help shoulder the load and who can let her inner girl out to inspire the instinct to protect and adds that fun… but out there we have a whole generation who haven’t tamed the Veruca Salt mentality – and we as a culture have been Mr and Mrs Salt to them (useful when a childhood is marinaded in Roald Dahl)..

    And it’s exhausting to think about it..

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  38. Warning: this is a bit of a long post. I’ve broken it up into paragraphs for easier skimming.

    You are 100% correct about being dominant in the bedroom.

    Many people make the mistake that women don’t enjoy sex b/c we’re not actively seeking it out. Usually, a man approaches a woman and tries to ‘pick her up’ not the other way around.

    However, what few people realize that women don’t pick up men because while men love to fuck women instinctively love to BE fucked. We’re aware you’re stronger than us (but may deny it due to socialization) and will instinctively become more prone to orgasm if you display dominance.

    Women are hardwired to want to bear the children of dominant alpha males. We don’t consciously think about it but it’s in our subconscious just like there are some aspects of women that men subconsciously seek out.

    While not necessary for reproduction, the female orgasm increases the chances of pregnancy so our bodies are naturally more prone to orgasm with a male who displays alpha male characteristics b/c we want to ‘help along’ the insemination process as much as possible. When women orgasms she’s content, when she’s content she’s happy and satisfied, when she’s satisfied she’ll have sex with you again. Pretty basic stuff.

    In summary: women want orgasms just as much as men (don’t believe me look at the frequency of women buying sex toys). Dominant men usually provide orgasms (see above) so women will want to fuck dominant men.

    Finally, you’ll probably have to deal with some emotional stuff from your girl at some point. Despite being a female I’m a very unemotional person as a whole so can’t really advise anyone too much on that. As a man, that’s something you just have to realize will happen with most women and try to weather the storm w/o fucking up too badly.

    What I do know is don’t try to be logical with an emotional woman. If she’s in an emotional state then if possible leave and if needed pick the conversation up when she’s more logical. Don’t react emotionally back to her b/c that’ll just make her lose respect for you in the long run. She may not realize she does this but women don’t want men who react emotionally.

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  40. God love you guys. I would like to apologize on behalf of all women who treated you so poorly that you felt your best option was rational male. I promise we are not all that bad. And for the most part, women love and appreciate men.

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  44. Greetings, Rollo et al,

    I have been writing about the psychological implications of male-centered sexual Dominance for years, largely using pornography forums to get my message out (other than a few publications in psychology journals and the like). I was thoroughly revolted by the fake PUA scams of the mid 2000s, and walked away from NLP and its associated context until, literally, this afternoon when I found the Red Pill Reddit. That led me here.

    One of the things I write extensively about is that Dominance is not abuse. For that reason, I also found a strong resonating chord in this statement:

    ”…but does it require a sex dungeon and bondage paraphernalia to confirm masculine dominance? ”

    I have confronted this very idea on numerous occasions. Certainly, there is nothing negative about bringing flexicuffs into the bedroom, using floggers, or anything else in the BDSM lifestyle. However, as I have asked on multiple occasions, “Is she submitting to the handcuffs, or to you?” True submission is evoked by true Dominance, that subtle and yet powerful feeling that you are in mastery of the situation. Women adore this because it makes them feel safe and secure. They can sit on their knees and give up their body because ‘The MAN will handle it. I don’t have to do so

    I completely agree with every word you’ve posted. I admit to some frustration that I’ve felt like I’ve been fighting an uphill battle, and redefining new territory on my own. Part of this is my own beta programming, of course, but more of it is the sheer preponderance of feminist bullshit clogging the airwaves. It’s enough to make any real man feel crushed beneath the weight of lies and distortions and pointed harpy claws and shrieks of “misogynist!”

    As I learn more TRP language and methodology, I’ll share some more of my own experiences. For now, I wanted to thank you for this free gift you proffer to myself and to other men. It’s time for us to take back our birthright.

    Yours in Dominance,

    Sir Kolbath

  45. Great lines – “Women don’t like overt dominance, just as they don’t like overt objectification or adoration. It’s when it’s covert that they respond most favorably – women love to be objectified, dominated and adored, but only by men who know better than to remind her of it.”

  46. Great article. Even among men I’d say that these subtle methods can be more impactfull than overt displays. Sometimes you need to be subtle with power even among men or risk being try-hard. It all ties in to machialvellianism in a sense.

  47. I think this is funny how you wankers spend so much time trying to analyze dominance and trying to learn how to pretend to be dominant. True dominance is natural. I’m a dominant woman and I don’t spend any time reading about it. I just am what I am. I’m guessing this is why alot of men on dating sites assume that my pretty pics must be fake and that I’m actually a dude. Negative. But you all are just trying to fake it and it’s really just laughable😂😂😂

  48. Alexandra you are who you are because no-one has stood up to you properly and taken charge. Reasons being either because you are not worth the effort or the guys you come across have all been feminized by feminist modern society.
    Let me guess, you were brought up by a single mother or had a weak father who never stood up to you or your mother. If you’re that sought after why are you on dating sites?
    I’m my experience pretty and dominant women sleep with a lot of men and get bored easily, huge turnoffs for a serious relationship. Even the most dominant man still needs time and energy to work, run a business or have a successful acting/music career etc. Dominant females just waste what could otherwise be productive male energy.
    And BTW I ended up here reading about why modern women are so screwed in the head, root cause is feminism.

  49. This seminal post, with minimal comments 4+ years later, is as good as any to make this point, which I will proceed to make via bullet points…

    -I have read probably 75% of all RM posts over the past 5 years, including both books
    -I have read the RM top-linked RP Reddit posts “Women in Love”, “Men in Love”, “Of Love and War”
    -I have taken into account that Rollo has a wife and daughter


    -Rollo has fallen all over himself to retain the ability to declare that women ‘love’ whatsoever
    -Rollo has twisted around any conceivable dictionary definition of the word ‘love’ in doing so
    -The manner of attachment that women form with men is anything but ‘love’, unless one contorts the meaning of the word so drastically as for it to be entirely unhinged from its original dictionary definition
    -Rollo is doing this on purpose to preserve his own sanity (wife and daughter), which is rather anti-RP by itself
    -Women do not ‘love’ men other than their own children, period, full stop
    -Can we stop with the bullshit blue/purple pill to define women’s fickle, utterly conditional attachment to men as ‘love’ in such a pathetic, nonsensical manner already?

    Enough already.

  50. Great, let’s have this debate…I’d already read 2 of those, but just read all 3 (including ‘Love Experience’ for the 1st time):

    “Love Experience”

    “I have no doubt that their feelings of love are genuine to them based on their individuated concepts of love; indeed they’re ready to fight you tooth and nail to defend their investment in those feelings.”

    That they fight you tooth and nail on this means not a goddamn thing with respect to whether their assertion is objectively true. It could reflect dissociative rationalization or cognizant deception, or anything in between…but their argument is about preserving their ego-invested self-image, and does nothing to ‘prove’ their wherewithall to truly ‘love’.

    “women expect men to socially and psychologically agree with, reinforce and cooperate with the opportunistic feminine model of love as the equalist, gender-mutual model model of love while still believing that women share their own idealistic model. It’s the correct model that should work for everyone, or so women’s solipsism would have us believe.”

    Having one’s cake and eating it too, at another’s expense – not love. Not even close. More like a subconscious or even calculated narcissism – giving the minimum and taking the maximum. Antithetical to ‘love’.

    “Love Story”

    Seen Blue Valentine 2x at your recommendation. Powerful film as you said. Taking the plot into full account, sympathy for the Ryan Gosling character is muted by his threat of suicide on the bridge early on…that goes beyond ‘idealistic love’ into full-blown psychotic, manipulative (and obviously weak as fuck) behavior that merits disdain, punishment et al….but even with that wrinkle, towards the end when Michelle Williams’ character will not defend her (righteously) jealous husband against her scheming boss, that is a scene in which she demonstrates the opposite of love. She displays an opportunism that is ruthlessly self-serving, antithetical to ‘loving’. That is not love.

    Yeah, that scene at the end of SPR is painful. If anything, we infer a lack of empathy, a lack of…love from the elderly wife. No love there, just half-assed apathetic withdrawal. Loveless.


    “To the Alpha who makes himself his mental point of origin, that burden is a challenge to be overcome and to strengthen oneself by.”

    There is an inherent contradiction in that sentence. He is not the center if he concerned whatsoever with the meaningless shit tests of any woman, let alone ‘one special woman’ (which is far worse, since he’s stuck with that vapid bitch). If he has nothing better in his life to be ‘challenged’ by than a woman, he’s going down a dark and destructive path. Even purple pill serial monogamists (yuck) like David Deida and Corey Wayne will tell you this. Furthermore, amused mastery would by definition refuse such a challenge by some chick – it would instead require IDGAF attitude and just discarding her if she persisted with her bullshit. In what universe is such behavior from a woman defined, by the king’s English, as ‘loving’?


    One other thread interwoven into at least 2 of those articles was the notion that hypergamy has been good/important for sustaining human evolution throughout the generations. Well, to quote a certain contemporary politician “At this point what difference does it make?” That dynamic existed in prior distant generations with a sociosexual paradigm that I will never experience. Today, it’s just destructive. There is no love in usurious opportunism. It is putting the self above all others, at the others’ expense. Even going back to the Bible – in the book of Ephesians…the author does not consider the woman’s hypergamous blueprint – supposedly essential for sustaining human evolution in your view – to be defined as ‘love’. Instead, the author (Paul?) of Ephesians says that the highest and best possible relationship from a woman to a man is NOT one of ‘love’ but rather of ‘respect’. “Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands.”

    Even back then, our ancient ancestors knew that women could not love men. Why then do you persist in referring to this selfish opportunism as ‘love’?

  51. I’m glad to have read this article… It asserts that I chose a great man to have a daughter with.

    What age do you feel is best to gift The Rational Male to a boy/man?

  52. “As Men we have a tendency to think that the more overt our displays are the more women will take notice, but women are far more sensitive to the nuances of our actions than most could imagine. A little goes a long way, and what we think are useless gestures are often the most memorable for women.”

    …definitely true.

    When I was dating for prospective marriage partners at 20 my future husband demonstrated this perfectly. He is four years my senior, was in a position of authority in our congregation and has the best stoic ‘poker face’ I’ve ever seen. Even though later on he told me he was instantly attracted to me, our first interactions were filled with uncertainty, interest and confusion. Why? Because he didn’t fawn. He didn’t ingratiate himself with overt compliments, hangdog looks or other simpering activities that might have seemed ‘romantic’ on the surface.

    He barely touched me on our first date, merely asked several questions. I felt very weighed and measured…there was definitely ‘amused mastery’ going on to some degree. I think I got a hug on the second date, and it completely threw me for a loop – his demeanor was so uninterested and aloof that I genuinely thought he didn’t like me at all, which was sad and made me wonder ‘why’ he didn’t like me. Which further inspired me to find ways to step up my game to inspire said like.

    (later he informed me it was pretty much all he could do to not throw me in his car and have his way right then and there. I knew something was off, but hey. Women are definitely not perfect little mind readers, especially virgins. LOL)

    So, yes, that sort of vague feeling of uncertainty and insecurity does inspire a desire to ‘hold his attention’ or perhaps question one’s qualities and talents to see if they need some self improvement. Small gestures, thoughtless words that a guy might not view as a big deal can be huge in a woman’s mind. One night my husband dropped a careless line before falling asleep that kept me up nearly all night, wondering what he had really meant by that and researching ‘what men want/think’ (speaking of irony).

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