Generation Alpha Widow


My real-life friend and internet shadow, Good Luck Chuck, once expressed this idea to me in a comment (SS forum?) thread:

“Rollo, once a guy gets to be 40 ALL women are Alpha Widows. There’s simply no avoiding it. By age 30, unless there’s something psychologically wrong with her, virtually every woman a guy might want to date has some kind of baggage – kids, a former bad boy(s) she can’t forget, or some other residual effect that weighs down on her as a result of basically following the socio-sexual “you go grrrrl” script the majority of women do today.”

As part of the greater whole that has become the manosphere, and courtesy of the age of technology, today we have the unique benefit of being able to go back in time and observe the meta-game being played by the Feminine Imperative. I did something similar in Choreplay; comparing and contrasting the five year reinvention of a feminine-operative social convention by Diane Mapes. However, you can do so on a larger social scale as well, and chart the social trends that typify the ‘fem-think’ of a particular decade or even longer.

In the early 2000’s the feminine order of the day was “live while the living’s good.” The HBO series that defined that era was Sex and the City. The fantasy of masculine control for women could be realized and along with that the world was a woman’s sexual oyster. Blatant demands of sexual satisfaction mixed with the frustration of perfecting an optimized hypergamy with a selection of prospective men made for not only an award winning series, but was also responsible for the social saturation of a new feminine mindset culturally.

SatC wasn’t necessarily reflective of what was realistically going on from a cultural meta-perspective, but its social influence and associative feelings for women was undeniable. As with most cultural influences for women, the impression is all that mattered – personal conditions and reality be damned women, wanted to live vicariously through SatC.

That Was Then

Now in its second season, HBO has a new cultural benchmark for women in Girls. In 2012-13 the sexual market landscape is a new frontier compared with the SatC days. Rather than sell the fantasy of wanton sexual largess and indulgence that SatC did, the feminine order of the day is bemoaning the lack of marriageable men possessing the elusive balance of Beta with a side of Alpha. Make no mistake, the sex is still the primary associative for Girls’ predominantly female viewership, but now the message is less about power and more about the powerlessness women of this decade are frustrated with. In both shows, the male protagonists are impotent caricatures of modern men, and in both shows the women’s primary plot conflicts are rooted in these men’s inability to live up to feminine expectations and in such a way that is accommodating of the conditions their life’s choices has determined for them.

In SatC the frustration was met with blunt force. The solution was to overpower men into entitled submission with spunky feminine über confidence and enrapture the only men so deserving of them – men with equal to, or preferably greater than, social status than themselves. In Girls the dynamic is an equally intense powerlessness; the mechanic of plot conflict relying on its female viewership’s empathy and sympathies. The Girls generation wallows in the frustration of men’s imperfect suitability for their needs. Not only is the indignation aspect of Girls supremely satisfying for women, but the emotional associations women make with this show tell a greater story of the current gender landscape.

Girls appeals to the generation of Alpha Widows that Sex and the City was itself an accomplice in creating. It’s easy to relate with Chuck’s evaluation of modern women being a seething mass of Alpha Widows in this light, all pining for the guy(s) who, at least perceptually brought them as close in their real lives to realizing the dream of a perfected hypergamy. Only now do they realize the consequences of extending the search for the hypergamous dreamquest, but the blame for those consequences doesn’t lie in their choices or even their inability to recognize the mechanics of their own hypergamy. No, the blame goes to parents, the blame goes to cultural forces they are only now conveniently aware of, and of course the blame goes to all the men who would not or could not help them save themselves from themselves – the same men who adapted to the sexual market their decisions created.

The zeit geist that the feminine imperative would have women believe today is that the source of their unhappiness comes from being sold on the idea of an acculturated priority of putting professional life above personal life. As tempting as it is to agree with this, the problem is that the same empowering professional aspirations that women may or may not have been encouraged to internalize are inseparable from the personal (romantic) decisions they made for themselves. Women’s professional beliefs influences their personal beliefs and vice versa. So now, once again, the feminine imperative reinvents the messaging, but the same culprit of women’s unhaaaapiness is still the same – the men who evolved contingencies to cope with the sexual market place women developed.

Now the feminine imperative’s meme is about men’s unwillingness to adjust to women’s wanting a satisfying relationship prior to their turning 25 years old. Asshole Alphas have polluted the sexual market. Their insistence (not women’s predilections) has made the nefarious hook up culture what it is today and the poor, disenfranchised Girls of generation Alpha Widow are bearing the brunt of Alpha predations. What’s old is new, and it’s the men created by the SatC generation who wont Man Up, do the right thing and girlfriend-up a mid 20’s girl.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

75 comments on “Generation Alpha Widow

  1. Part of swallowing the red-pill is coming to realize just how rare it is for women to understand the repercussions of their actions and how rarer it is from them to take responsibility for them. Their lot in life is never something they did to themselves.

    A woman from back in highschool (about 25 years ago) today posted on her page: “If life gives you a shit sandwich, you don’t have to go spreading it around.” Almost a noble thought, one might think. Except for the fact that this woman got pregnant at 15, married at 19, divorced at 28, had three kids she raised recklessly, one of which got pregnant at 16. Never went to college nor developed any marketable skills. Now, she’s raising her granddaughter and spend most of her days drinking.

    Yeah, it was “life” that gave her a shit sandwich.

  2. Very good post. Tomassi: You are one of the last good voices in the Manosphere. Sadly, it has been over-saturated and polluted w/ garbage writing over the last many months. Keep up the good work. Gotta keep this going…

  3. The girls of “Girls” are modern day beauties dontcha know. You left out that not only do they want the guys to relationship up with them before 25, they also want the Alphas panting after rolls of pasty fat.

  4. Rollo, are you familiar with a new book called “Paleofantasy?” From what I’ve heard, it’s trying to make evolutionary psychology fit the feminine imperative, since evo-psych has been used to challenge the ruling feminist orthodoxy.

  5. I see a simple solution: don’t date older women. I’m serious. If they have baggage like that described above I simple NEXT them, and if she has a head full of bad wiring, which I would consider being an alpha widow qualifies, then she’s also not making the cut. I can live with that. Maybe when I’m older I’ll change my mind, but for now I can afford to be choosy as I’m only 36.

    Remember fellas, there is an endless supply of younger women in the 18-24 range who haven’t been laid properly and/or still values a good provider, and that pipeline isn’t going away anytime soon. And if that doesn’t work for you, there will always be women with daddy issues to suit your, ahem, needs.

  6. I will go out on a limb here and defend this show up to a point. Even Roissy himself acknowledges that “Girls” is pinching from his site lots of red-pill ideas and concepts about Game and today’s SMP. It is very game-aware, even if its audience isn’t and they miss the meta-joke. In other words: your observations are correct, but the writers are just reflecting the vagaries of the SMP back through these very fucked-up privileged characters. One working title for the series was “Smart Women Making Stupid Choices”. The women (mostly) are toxic and the men super-Beta-ized, except when they aren’t (the PUA Booth Jonathan). Welcome to Brooklyn, and the modern World According To the Feminine Imperative.

  7. It’s just hamsterbation. And someone needs to rub their face in it.

    And I volunteer.

    How do I hate thee, let me count the ways.

    I read a study called “Changes in Women’s Mate Preferences Across the Ovulatory Cycle” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. I’d say that’s a pretty reputable source.

    The study described the traits that women choose/prefer/are attracted to in men and compared those traits when ovulating to when not.

    The group of traits included attractiveness, successful, warm, intelligent, arrogant, confrontational, muscular, faithfulness, Good father.

    So what did they pick? What is attractive to them.

    First, “Faithfulness” was resoundingly rejected. Resoundingly. In fact they were attracted to “Unfaithful” as the fifth most attractive trait behind a really “swell” group of traits they preferred.

    Second, they are not in least attracted to intelligence. Not in the fucking least. In fact when ovulating, they were attracted to Stupid.

    It was sort of complicated with successful. For fun fucks, yes, very much. But for short term when ovulating, no, not at all, “Good Genes trumped it. It’s not like rejected it, not like intelligence of faithfulness, but it wasn’t important and high on the list like:






    So mother fuck them and horse they rode in on.

    I don’t want to hear shit about from them any fucking more. They have every opportunity to pick wisely, but the Gina Tingles won’t let them, and they whine those men “aren’t man enough”.

    The study showed that there isn’t even a significant difference in traits to which they were attracted in a short term mating schedule and in a long term schedule with the whole “I can fix him” bullshit. Then when that arrogant, confrontational, stupid, unfaithful man shits on them, then “Waaaaaaah, all men are pigs”

    The fucking reality is that they won’t “woman up” and stop thinking with their cunts.

    But what I am finding out is that they can’t.

  8. Oh, yeah, I left out something.

    The study also said something I think was pointed out on this blog.

    If they choose a partner with their head, then when they were ovulating they were attracted to those men with that swell list that I listed up above. And were somewhat less attracted, actually resentful, of their present partner if he did not possess those traits, “Particularly if he is asymmetrical”

    “But often (wish I had italics) women do not resort to extra-pair sex because there is the ever present possibility of divorce”

    Yeah, and in 2011 and these United States, that’s just a real massive punishment for a woman, isn’t it.

    But instead of divorce she just rips the skin off that poor fool that married her.

    Let me think about this for a minute. What should men do about all this?


    Oh, yeah

    Pump them, dump them, and next them

    For like forever, I would just write these comments and just send them and I was pretty oblivious to any reception of them. I had no idea anyone read them.

    It appears that the rants were better received than calm analysis.

  9. Another gem Rollo. My hat honestly goes off to you for actually taking the time to sit down and do the research on these brain dead tv shows to come back and give a solid breakdown on where we currently are at.

    Your a better men than I am Gunga Din. If that was me I’d have to mentally prepare a week in advance before commencement of the stripping of brain cells, like a Rocky montage . Fuck that noise, I’m glad it’s you and not me.

    1. @Fred, I’ll admit there is a lot of red pill in Girls, but because it’s delivered in a fem-centric context it makes a viewer think only women uniquely know red pill truths and men are the ones ignorant and indifferent to their own base motives.

      So the message is no longer “I am an independent, strong willed woman who should be desired by an adoring, higher-status man chosen from my man-harem” the message is now “I’m a poor victim of men’s callous affections of which I can’t help but be consistently aroused by.”

  10. Yeah, that study. Yes, sports fans. You heard it here first.

    Oh yeah, a guy that works on a suicide hotline set me a Facebook message. He hears a lot of the hopelessness in men and many have expressed how they feel Feminism has won and there is shit left for men. He says if he can get them to laugh, then get a good nights sleep, then the morning is usually better.

    Once again, I pointed him to Rational Male particularly “Casualties”.

  11. There is little to be done in the matter. Most Men have an innate understanding of the inner workings of the feminine machinations. If you want to get laid and fulfil your own biological imperative, the option for most Men is “jump in and hope for the best”.

    Teaching them to catch (then quickly release) these broken Women is the most straightforward, honest approach another Man can take in aiding his fellow patriot.

    For the Men who are not willing to cut ties with one after she sinks her teeth in, they reap what they sow. Either she is going to realize her own sexual strategy and eat through you or you will front-run her duplicitous sexual strategy and use her for sex and then discard her before she had enough time to launch her assault on you.

    Let her go back into the wild with her “Men are Pigs” vitriol spewing henceforth. She will not have the emotional intelligence to realize you beat her to the punch, and she’ll damn herself to the same cycle of misery by virtue of her inability to reverse engineer her own unhappiness, thus imprisoning her in perpetual state of it.

    Revenge is best served Cold. You can start to treat these Women with respect once they have conclusively demonstrated enough factual evidence that they have matured past this self defeating behavior. (cue the laugh box).

  12. Ok. I got a joke. It’s not particularly germaine. I am reading this paper
    The Law of Accelerating Returns by Ray Kurzweil. In it, he is talking about how technological advancement is now occurring at an exponential change that the rate of change is exponential itself. He is making predictions about the future growth of computing power. And this section I got is about the possibility in 15 years of “Downloading the brain into silicone” and how is almost already feasible.

    So I can imagine this research professor going into the department head’s office:

    “Chief, I want to go ahead and get the jump on the other universities with brain download project and get started on downloading a man’s brain into a system..”

    “What do you need?”

    I figure about 100 servers, 100 terrabytes of storage, Miraband interconnects, …”

    And the boss cuts him off “Whoa, Whoa. Stop right there. Right now the best I can do is a couple of PCs and maybe I can scare up a Linksys router for you.”

    The professor thinks for a minute and then he says

    “Then I guess well have to do a woman’s brain then”.

  13. I have a buddy who’s convinced that all his career-type chick-friends (in their late 20s early 30s) are flawless angels. I’ve tried to explain to him that he’s just too close to them, too inexperienced with women, and been in a relationship too long, to see their flaws/baggage, but he refuses to believe they have any. Grass is greener, to him since he’s in a relationship. But just because she doesn’t have a couple of obvious bastard children in tow doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a bunch of mental baggage under the surface.

    In the future I imagine Feminists will push for it to be illegal for a man NOT to marry a woman if she wants him to…not a man she’s dating or anything, just any man she picks to clean up her mistakes lol

    Giving serious consideration to the sperm-cryopreservation+vasectomy combo these days. The number of young chicks I see with kids now is pretty terrifying and I don’t see it getting better anytime soon lol Would hate to get trapped by a single mom because a few swimmers were too enthusiastic. Sounds like your “little men” stay alive for a solid 20 years, and at 30 I’m sure if I decide to have a kid I’ll have decided before I’m 50 so it’s not a bad setup.

    Anyone have any recommended reading on that particular topic? Maybe I gotta’ dig through some MGTOW forums lol

  14. I know the sources of my unhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapiness is when I screw up as a person and do things that aren’t in my best interest. I don’t blame others for my faults…I own them. Cut that garbage out and I’m relatively happy most of the time.

    Which is why I’m feel both sorry and spiteful to women who either can’t or won’t do the same. Feminism put that lousy idea into their heads that men are the source of all their ills…and they are free of the consequences of their actions. If today’s woman would show some humility she’d get a lot farther in life than passing the blame onto others and adding interest onto her unhappiness.

  15. The ball is still traveling over the upper decks on this post and may hit may hit the glass 4 stories up on Eutaw Street.

  16. I didn’t have cable when SatC was on and I don’t have cable now to watch Girls. However, I did catch up on SatC on dvd and have seen both of the movies. I enjoyed them at the time, but they can be pretty cringe-worthy in retrospect.

    Generally, I’d say all’s fair in love and war, but if someone blatantly lies to you or truly misleads you about their intentions- even if they believe what they are saying at the time- the idea of owning up to your responsibility would start to try to patience of a saint. Especially when these “episodes” happen one after another. Each time you think, oh this one is different, you can be certain he isn’t.

    I guess this could come off as sounding sad or pathetic, but I no longer trust anyone to do anything that they say they will or be who they say they are. Mostly because people are unreliable descriptors of themselves. Making promises is, for the most part, unwise. I have to see things now as people coming together for the current moment. There is nothing more than “now” and an accumulation of “now”s. The second you start to think about future “now”s, the relationship is doomed. Cherish the moments.

  17. I have dated and/or fucked chicks age late teen to early 40’s, and the only, I mean the ONLY ones who display the softness and femininity required to be worthy of long term commitment were the ones who were under the age of 25. Even then, there were only two that would have ever had any kind of shot with me. One of these girls had only two prior sex partners and the other had had only one.

    How practical is it for a 40 something man to land an early 20’s chick? It is certainly possible, but the older you get the less and less access you have to the only women who are worth anything more than a pump and dump. Then when you do manage to land a chick who is worthy, older bitches society will go to great lengths to ensure that the union doesn’t last.

    Cock destroys the feminine soul.


    Women simply are not wired to have sex and relationships with multiple men. By the time a chick hits 25 the downward slide is in full force. By age 30 she is pretty much unmarriageable, By the time they hit 35 (and have sampled a smorgasbord of dick) most women are incapable of bonding with a man in a healthy, feminine manner that is a prerequisite for a happy relationship.

    The difference between the young inexperienced girls and the oldest (and by far most experienced) women I have been with is night and day. The young ones gave off the “I am honored to be be with you” vibe, and this was evident in every aspect of the relationship. With the older chicks it felt like they were only with me because they thought that being in a relationship was the right thing to do. Even when they would try to be warm and affectionate it would always come off as fake and forced.

    I haven’t taken the time to analyze the show Girls (that’s what Rollo is for!) but I have watched it a couple of times. Saw an episode last night as a matter of fact. One thing that stood out to me was when one of the girls was introducing her new boyfriend to one of her female friends. The friend then proceeds to make a comment about how the girlfriend blew her cousin sometime in the past.

    To me that was quite a testament to how far society has devolved. Not only was her friend extremely blase about blurting something like this out in a conversation right in front of the new boyfriend, but the boyfriend didn’t even react. No dirty look, do uncomfortable body language, not even a facial tic that would belie the contempt he should be feeling after being punked in such a blatant manner.

    When you work 40 hours a week in a sewer plant you eventually you are going to get used to the smell. The problem these days is that men have been exposed to cock tainted women for so long, they don’t even know how a proper woman should act. They might have a little inclination that something isn’t right, but as long as they are getting laid most men don’t even stop to question what they are really getting. I know a couple of otherwise “alpha” men who are with rode-hard-and-put-away-wet chicks who are OLDER than they are. As long as the pussy flows they don’t stop to think about the fact that their women are used up skanks and that they are getting the short end of the stick.

    Pretty sad but better them than me.

  18. Its good for me to read the above. 34.5 and holding steady at n = 3. Having no fun whatsoever, but hopefully worth it at some point.

  19. Western culture will never, ever let women blame themselves. You can’t sell product or gain votes by allowing women to possibly believe that anything could ever be their fault. After all, doing so would mean Oprah lied, which, of course, in their minds is impossible. And since Oprah can’t lie the only plausible explanation left is that men are to blame. Conclusion:Today’s older women have been so over-sold by modern society’s false reality that she can never truly untangle herself. It’s part of her DNA now. Going young is a good option if you are under 35, but for a 40+ year old man the better answer may be to go foreign.

  20. Man, Minter is on fire tonight. Semper fi, dude. For all the depression about chicks in these parts there was one ray of light today. Check out Tuth’s comments about a Canadian chick he met on the subway in ROK. Maybe there is hope after all.

  21. I actually refuse to watch the show. I can’t bring myself to reward Lena Dunham with increased viewership. But that doesn’t mean I escape the punditry. Indeed, the state of women in this country is actually killing me, crushing my soul.

    Yesterday, I had a girl in a class tell me I needed to attend “diversity training” (she actually used that phrase) in order to create “safer spaces” for dialog. She claimed I was being too assertive. I couldn’t make this up. The irony of the situation was that I was explaining how feminism could better enact their goals. Stupidity on all fronts.

    On another note,
    Mark, you’re making me start to hate women. Seriously. That’s not to say the seeds of it weren’t already gestating, but previously it had more of a deflated quality, closer to disappointment than anger. From most perspectives I’m relatively young (a college student), but I was exposed to Roissy at an early age (You too Rollo) and found the dark triad too seductive to resist, though I suppose I’ve always been a bit of a rule-breaker.
    I find myself walking around and all I can think about is causing the girls I’ve been with emotional pain. Specifically, making them fall in love with me and then withdrawing my affection, or cheating on them, something of that nature so as to make them feel empty, alone. I suppose I want to inflect the pain I feel – a pain rooted in years spent seeking out literature and truth and refusing to shy away from reality. Hours spent educating, bettering myself instead of playing video games or watching rom-coms or feeling lonely and going on Facebook.The despair that comes with knowing there’s no god, that aging is inevitable, that humans are petty, that I’ll never discuss Kafka with an attractive girl. that I’m simply an ape.

    I had a girl I used to fuck tell me she didn’t like to think. This was a girl at an elite US university who actually read reasonably intelligent books, who came from an upper-middle class family. She said that it was easier for her to exist around stupid, incongruous people where she could “just be”. I suppose the ovulation theory factors into it, but I also wouldn’t rule out a general intolerance or at least impatience for any sort of boredom or psychic pain among the millennials. She turned out to be a coke-whore anyways.

    I suppose I’ll continue bar hopping for the better part of the next decade, doing lines in bathroom stalls, flirting with a blonde girl from California in a black cocktail dress, eventually making out with her right there in the bar, my back pressed up against the wall; this hideous internal self writhing behind a wry, anhedonic smile.

  22. @ Graham – You scare me. A friend of mine worked at a hospital where guys that you sound like came in after failed suicide attempts.

  23. Interesting post and wonderful comments. Glad to know you guys are out there. I particularly enjoyed the comments by Nutz, Mark Minter, and CassMan. Kate, I hope your strategy works, but I only think social pressures to destroy patriarchy family will get worse, and I am not sure a low notch count will be the defense it has been. (Or it could be more effective than ever for all I know.) I came across some notch count info from an offensively titled (but not to me) article by dicipres. Looking at that post, I don’t see the link to the chart I thought dicipress made by combining chart 15 from a Heritage document with something else. I might be able to find it with more effort if someone cares. Chart 15 from “Harmful Effects of Early Sexual Activity and Multiple…: A Book of Charts, which is only one source and future results could change (get worse?):

    Notch Count Minus Current Husband; % of Sexually Active Women 30+ in One Marriage Over Past 5 Years or More

    0; 80.47%
    1; 53.63%
    2; 43.65%
    3; 39.35%
    4; 41.77%
    5; 29.70%
    6-10; 28.70%
    [There’s more grouping up to 21+]


    Yes, interpretation of statistics and determination of applicability is key. Sexually active is a key qualifier. Things look dicey with just one guy for the husband to be compared to.

    This says men are more ‘salted’ by notch count than women. I don’t buy it, or maybe I do because the focus is sexual satisfaction:

    “The mean number of partners was 11.35 (SD 19.77) for men and 4.25 (SD 6.3) for women. Results indicate that for every additional premarital sexual partner an individual has, not including the marital sexual partner, the likelihood that they will say their current marital sexual relationship is extremely satisfying versus only being moderately satisfying goes down 3.9%. Additionally, when running models separately for males and females, the male model was more significant at 5.3%. The female model approached significance.”


    I wonder how male sexual satisfaction correlates to HER notch count rather than his? Another study:

    “Divorced/separated women were more likely to report 5 or more lifetime sex partners and 2 or more sex partners in the past year than never married women. They were less likely to report condom use.”


    It correlates well with the Heritage data. I am led to believe that virginity in women is not old-fashioned because of oppression (Declaration of Sentiments, h/t no-ma’am) but because of necessity. Any one man compared to the best traits of a composite of five, or even just two other men, is in trouble unless he as a man is the law of his castle and can lay down the law forcefully. Even if he could, it might not be enough to salvage women for marriage beyond some numerically small but potent notch count.

    If you are happily married, congrats. If not, maybe you can help set things right by understanding and civilizing the Imperative when big political change happens again, and help the unborn. I’d say it’s pretty messed up right now. It would take an HB9 red-pill virgin in love with me to make me consider marriage. At least that’s what I think these days. Life adds some strange twists, but not likely at my 40+ age. My aspiration is to learn the art of spinning plates. Not really getting there in this economy, but it’s only a million times more realistic. I used to be such a nice guy. Aurini taught me in his recent video on Good Guys that nice etymologically means ‘know-nothing’. As if I needed another reason to never be a nice guy again. lulz

  24. @Graham, I add you to the list of commentor with comments I particularly enjoyed. I feel a mental kinship with what you wrote: “The despair that comes with knowing there’s no god, that aging is inevitable, that humans are petty, that I’ll never discuss Kafka with an attractive girl. that I’m simply an ape.” As far as I’m concerned, that nails ‘it’.

    However, I don’t turn to drugs. Nor do I turn to women for ‘companionship’. I am seeing this all too much. The propaganda tells us to marry a woman who is our best friend. BS! We had men’s clubs for a reason. There is not teaching a conscious lesson to the hamster, only teaching behavioral conditioning. It is a man’s job to practice constructive husbandry as the husband and father. Women will never appreciate revenge, only husbandry. Women appreciate Big Government, and less often Big God. Women are tools used by banksters, by the oligarchy that always kills Caucasion civilization. We need to constitutionally outlaw fiat money next go around. Secondly, don’t let the woman voting power exceed the minimum of half and the proportion of eligible male voters in terms of male voting power. It would be hard to marry banking and taxation under those circumstances. Anyway, we are the men!

  25. Rollo thanks for the article. Someone up higher said yo u are the best of the manosphere, seconding that.
    Not sure what to add … seeing it everywhere, close up, far away, in long conversation with an AW just the other day. I can’t lay it all out it would be too harsh. Not sure what we are creating though either for the next gen. What is left for them?

    Mark re: Ray Kurzweil…he doesn’t know what he’s talking about … that shit sells though. Read David Chalmers and John Searle as long as you are thinking about a subject we vastly and totally don’t understand. Better to learn from thd ones who admit we don t have a clue than the clueless would-have-ya-think-he’s-mensa set that represents his imaginative fiction as sober study.

  26. I once heard a reviewer call SatC the story of four promiscuous, fashion conscious gay men living and working in Manhattan, who, in a meta-textually rich conceit of oddball casting, were portrayed by four women. (Or rather, three women and a plasticine cyborg (Kim Cattrall.)

    If you look at the show that way, the women’s behavior makes far more sense.

  27. The best revenge is a life well lived.

    The path most women take will never be a life well-lived…and they probably won’t get why it isn’t a well-lived life either. If a man gets it, his path will be well-lived. Drugs, alcohol, engaging in whatever whimsical pleasure comes your way, being angry at women is not revenge…if anything it’s conscious self-destruction.

    You really want to mess with a woman’s mind…be generally happy independent of them. That’s what I do. They’ll either reflect your mood…or get pissed off because you have something she can’t seem to get. If what you do triggers euphoria or anger in a woman…then you are on the right track.

  28. Find a woman under 25 who can accept that her actions has consequences? That is someone I wish to spend more time with. AKA, relationship material. Find a woman under 25 who doesnt base her life on TV shows? Relationship material. You’re a vapid caricature of an entitled brat who needs constant reminding that you arent actually living the Truman Show? NEXT.

  29. @Graham: No! No! No! You don’t realize all you have going for you. Its not about hating the other side. Its about knowing they aren’t what we thought and figuring out how to live and love them anyway 🙂 I suppose it is a long shot to find someone attractive who’ll discus Kafka with you (I’ve never had a satisfactory talk with anyone about “The Hunger Artist”), but my recommendation would be not to try the numbers game, but date smart. Filter, filter, filter! Sift, screen, and filter some more. It may be that you have to accept no woman will be as smart as you are. Try not to hold that against them and outsource your literature talks to other men.

    @”Reality Doug”: Wow, that was a lot of food for thought. I’m glad you posted all that information. Too many and you lose the ability to feel, too few and you feel too much. Straight through the middle is the best route, I guess.

  30. Big fan of “Good Luck Chucks” comments. Great insight…and he is right…when you working the basement of the local sewage plant, eventually you get use to the smell. I think that is spot on

    But honestly. Roissy covered all of this in his first post on his blog. He actually never mentions that post, but what he said was ground breaking for the time. We are talking about him saying this in the summer of 2007! that’s years before anyone was really saying these things.

    Endless dating:

  31. Speaking of SatC, the 21 year old I mentioned who had only one previous sex partner prior to me, the one of TWO I have ever met who had even the slightest chance at a long term commitment from me, even she was poisoned by the SatC well.

    She would say things like “Why do women always have to give up their career goals to follow a man?” and “I want to have an awesome career AND a big family!”. Of course her chihuahua brain was incapable of understanding that SOMEONE would have to be there to raise the kids and SOMEONE would have to bust their ass to provide for the family and that there aren’t enough hours in the day for one person to do both.

    Ultimately that was part of what lead to the demise of our relationship. That and the fact that despite being born in another country she had adopted the attitude that so many western women these days have that it is perfectly ok to stay in contact with ex boyfriends and hang out with male “friends”, even late at night when no one else is around.

    Ultimately feminism won. Even unlimited on demand sex from a thin, young, attractive and relatively feminine woman wasn’t enough to allow me to look past the growing spitefulness I felt from being punked by something that a hundred years ago might have led a man to commit homicide, but is now socially acceptable.

    Just like approximately 80% of the rest of my exes, she went on to marry the next guy and popped out a kid or two. Poor guy.

  32. @YaReally….

    A few years ago I started banking my boys for about 6 months. Afterward I got my vasectomy, and have never been more happy. I spent about 8-12 months prior reading all kinds of blogs geared toward what are termed “child-free” couples to see what life can be like down the road if you choose not to have kids, and MGTOW blogs that eventually lead me to manosphere blogs. As time goes on, I am only more sure of myself and my decision. I used to only be willing to answer people’s questions about my story and never wanted to preach…. But these days, I recommend that all men at least think about taking control of their reproductive freedom.

    Just for some context, the long story short is that after the devastation of dealing with my second potential child being killed without my consent or knowledge by my now ex-GF, I wasn’t about to let a woman have that control over my reproductive rights ever again. Now, if a woman can measure up and prove herself to me, only then does she get the popsicles.

    So anyway, look into it guys. There are a lot of myths out there about it, so do some research yourself and sort out fact from fiction.

  33. @kate:

    You’re right. It sucks, but life really is just a series of moments. All in life is fleeting, even life itself. But regardless, it’s still shity the way we are towards one another. Life is difficult enough as is, so why be like this to each other. Sadly, I’ve noticed more and more than most women crave the shittiness (think Rhianna). I wouldn’t necessarily put you in that category, but it’s more common than not. And these women exist in a large enough number to make it the status quo. I have this saying that I came up with (although I’m sure someone somewhere has said essentially the same thing): Men are built for war, but crave peace. Women are built for peace, but crave war. I spend my days just trying to be at peace, no longer worrying about my relationships outside immediate family and a handful of good friends. It’s a struggle, but It’s what I got to do.

  34. Another top post.

    I think Sienfeld and Two and a Half Men are the male flip side to SaC and men’s reactions to having to navigating the new ‘rules’, I guess that’s why the shows were so successful with men.

    Kramer is the epitomy of the failure to launch adulescent or MGTOW type, George is the beta (who even though starved of female attention finds relationships stiffing) an Jerry is the classic Alpha.

    TaaM cuts to the chase more succinctly and lays out the new landscape warts and all.

  35. Ulf E
    @ Graham – You scare me. A friend of mine worked at a hospital where guys that you sound like came in after failed suicide attempts.

    Graham’s too polite to respond, so I will. You respond to honesty with pathetic, self-aggrandizing one-upmanship. You’re a miserable whiny bitch.

  36. @nek: “Men are built for war, but crave peace. Women are built for peace, but crave war.” That seems apt.

    As far as women craving shittiness, its a trap. When people treat you badly, its like a traumatic event in that its hard to get over. You’ll talk about it a lot, fixate on it, etc. I read once that thoughts make physical paths (grooves) in our brains. What I think most women crave is closure to these experiences. Closure really isn’t possible, unless some kind of happy ending were to happen. Its the inability to accept that some people just are bad that continues to harm women who think and act this way. Listen to Rihanna’s current song. Its a heart-breaker. She’s living in a hell of her own creating. Its just very hard to break free.

  37. To the guys talking about going after foreign women: Her respect for you isn’t because she hasn’t been corrupted by western culture. I’m sure foreign girls are just as shitty to their male counterparts as American women are. But the low status American male is considered high status in foreign countries, and therefore, is treated with more respect by the “fairer” sex. Think of it as international hypergamy.

    To the guys talking about vasectomies: Bad idea. What happens if the clinic that’s storing your seed burns down? Or, more likely, a mix up happens and your seed is lost? Trusting a group of strangers with my genetic lineage is not my idea of reproductive freedom.

  38. Kate: Are you making excuses for women, especially morons like Rihanna, or are you simply highlighting a peculiar psychological process?

    At the risk of sounding like a dick, i could care less for women’s self inflicted emotional traumas that result from poor mate selection. And no other man should either, unless he is being paid to care. e.g a psychologist

  39. kios: Highlighting. Do you care about men’s self inflicted emotional traumas that result from poor mate selection?

  40. Kate- I am a highly educated man with several degrees. With that out of the way….Tits, or GTFO.

  41. Kate: depends on the man and the ‘circumstance’.
    Experience has taught me that men are more likely to learn from their mistakes in this area, but not always.

    As for your comments about literature and women, i fimd it greatly depends on the culture. For example, when i lived in France and Greece, i had no problems finding attractive women into lit, philosophy and the arts. Were they major hotties? No, but I’m no adonis, so their looks were perfectly acceptable, and generally much better than their Australian and American equivalents.

    It is difficult for people into more ‘cultured’ things to find partners though, but it varies from culture to culture.

  42. > I spent about 8-12 months prior reading all kinds of blogs geared toward what are termed “child-free” couples to see what life can be like down the road if you choose not to have kids,

    seedless, Can you do a post summarizing what you found out? I really want to know this!!

  43. Kate
    March 15th, 2013 at 10:34 am

    @nek: “Men are built for war, but crave peace. Women are built for peace, but crave war.” That seems apt.

    As far as women craving shittiness, its a trap. When people treat you badly, its like a traumatic event in that its hard to get over. You’ll talk about it a lot, fixate on it, etc. I read once that thoughts make physical paths (grooves) in our brains. What I think most women crave is closure to these experiences. Closure really isn’t possible, unless some kind of happy ending were to happen. Its the inability to accept that some people just are bad that continues to harm women who think and act this way. Listen to Rihanna’s current song. Its a heart-breaker. She’s living in a hell of her own creating. Its just very hard to break free.
    naaaa she prob likes the drama more than her dude
    I bet she takes swings to
    cause a decent looking chick can always leave the ones that don’t don’t want to
    they like the life they living

  44. @Seedless_For_Life…What did you learn from all your reading on “child-free” couples to see what life can be like down the road if you choose not to have kid??

  45. I know this whole thing is old and stuff. I just discovered it recently though.

    I just wanted to say that some of the comments here really broke my heart, especially Mark Minter’s ones. His words sweat emotions. I think this conversation had an impact on me.

    I continue to exist for places like this little site.
    Thanks everybody.
    Thank you Rollo for that amazing blog.

  46. This is one the most stupid comments I have ever read about why there are so many fabulous single women over the age of 30 in NYC and the rationale of 40+ men thinking these women are “alpha widows”. Who wrote this article? Fred Flintstone?

    The reality is, in NYC, there are so many beautiful, caring, competent women here that the men simply cannot make up there minds. To think that the average female uses Sex and the City as a role model for living their lives is like suggesting that every man is Clark Kent and can change into Superman in the phone booth. It is comic relief for the state of affairs between men and women. It is a television show that is entertainment.

    I consider myself to be an intelligent, compassionate and realistic woman. I have many single friends and I have many married friends. I have siblings and friends who were married by age 30 and are divorced. On what type of personal experience is the author basing their opinions? Some people find love later in life. Some men just can not commit and hang a woman up for years. Some women fear being alone an marry hastily to the wrong man. I’m sorry author, but an article with episodes of Sex and the City as a serious reference point as to the state of affairs of the independent thinker (men and women) is insulting. Maybe I should take my relationship suggestions from the Sunday comix.

    And in case you haven’t noticed, not every female has a rich benefactor paying those monthly things that come in the mailbox called “bills”. So they work. And they do not team up with a guy who is not going to support them or at least support their efforts to support themselves. I think there may be some very stupid girls out there who can afford to play hide and seek with men indefinitely, but they are in the minority. The average woman is looking for live and companionship and a good healthy sex life with that companion. Do you have a problem with that or should I move to Utah?

  47. That is true. I am always seeking the best closure possible to turn the page and move on. Usually the very shithead that has showered is with this emotional turmoil is incapable of helping up with this closure because they are such damaged goods they do not know their ass from their elbow. And so as deeply caring women who strive to understand we ponder these situations for a long time. Meanwhile he is leading a wreckless superficial life and has know clue what the word closure even means. A very sad state of affairs which is very common among the young and older set. We are not single because we have outrageous expectations. We are single because we have human frailties and have human expectations. Some of us are caught by surprise by “wolf in sheep’s clothing”. If I knew in advance that my ex was going to lie to me and hurt my feelings, I would never have even told him my name. Nice girls don’t like bad boys. They like nice men. A lot of men know how to pretend to be nice for a long time. They should just go homosexual and leave the women alone, because apparently they hate women and it appears they have more affinity for their own gender. Or perhaps an occasional visit to a house of prostitution would satisfy their cavemanish emotional needs. They are not emotionally mature enough for an integrated relationship with a woman.

    1. an article with episodes of Sex and the City as a serious reference point as to the state of affairs of the independent thinker (men and women) is insulting.

      I’ll presume you’re unfamiliar with the quote, “Art imitates life.” What’s funny is that I’d expect you’d be in complete agreement with Susan Walsh’s enthusiastic comparisons of life and HBO’s Girls in many of her posts.

      Some people find love later in life. Some men just can not commit and hang a woman up for years.

      You must be new here.

      Nice girls don’t like bad boys. They like nice men.

      A lot of men know how to pretend to be nice for a long time. They should just go homosexual and leave the women alone, because apparently they hate women and it appears they have more affinity for their own gender.


  48. Well I did read one of the earlier articles you sent me a link to about “nice guys” and thank you very much. I do not think we are speaking the same language. I am a very real and nice woman. That does not mean that I am a doormat who pretends to be a perfect angel, cook, housekeeper, etc. I am an honest friend and a decent person. Just because I act this way does not mean every man is going to fall in love with me because he may not be physically attracted to me, he may not be intellectually curious about me or something like that. That’s just how it goes. I have to say that in general men are a little less particular for the most part as a gender when it comes to sexual attraction, from what I have observed. I think your definition of a “pretend” nice guy or a “forever hopeful” nice guy is – I apologize for saying this – a little sophomoric. I am talking about a man’s genuine ability to show care and concern. That what makes him nice. That is a given. I don’t fall in love with him just because he is nice, just like men do not fall in live with me just because I am nice. And I hate to break it to you, but although I am no longer 21 years old, I never could have picked a mate for life at that age as I was much too immature. I really think that “agism” falls under the same category as racism. Your generalities are about age and interest in sex and love are so strange. All people need love, regardless of their age. Some are capable of sharing and remaining open, others are not. I really live in hope and this concept you express of “alpha widow” is not the one of a hopeful woman. There are men and women with an attitude that it is impossible so why bother. Okay. So then don’t bother. I say be yourself and if you are a slimy liar, then you will get nothing, because no decent woman will put up with it for long. And if the woman is whiny and critical, the man will eventually leave because this will make him unhappy. This is just common sense. Read you later.

  49. lac hit the wall and is trying to hamster wheel rationalize it away. it doesn’t take much to be an attractive woman, certainly less than it takes to be an attractive man by a long shot. all you have to do is take care of yourself and be pleasant to be around, anything from there is a BONUS to a man. if you’re in your 30s and still single then chances are you either didn’t know how to pick them or you were unattractive as a result of your own choices or lack thereof. the only women i’ve ever known who liked “nice” guys were either abuse victims or alpha widows, but even then it wasn’t a genuine sentiment as they simply wanted provisioning, rather than a true appreciation of kindness and all those other “nice” traits. by the way, it’s not common sense, sense is a feeling, and it’s very clear that the average woman’s common feelings do not go hand in hand with what most people would call common sense. what you are referring to is common think, but we know how many women stop and think about what they are doing and why. i used to be a nice guy, r.i.p. to the old me, he was a good man.

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  51. How to exorcise the Alpha Widow from your wife?

    I’m married with 2 young kids. I have clear headship of the family. I’m a business owner and pretty successful. Wife is sweet, caring and submissive. No shit tests, no bitching.

    However I can’t escape the feeling there’s an Alpha Widow(tm) ghost in her head.

    Her old boss was the classic alpha type. Very successful in business. Married with 3 kids and a known womanizer with young women in his employ (saw it myself). Classic example of young woman idolizing and being attracted to her boss. Hypergamy at work.

    I always wondered if something went down between him and my wife while we were dating. But I never found a shred of evidence despite aggressive due diligence (if you know what I mean).

    She meets him for coffee from time to time. I don’t like it. I could tell her not to do it, but that seems insecure and butthurt.

    How to play the alpha and get rid of her alpha widow?

  52. Great article, the honesty is refreshing. I’m 32, female, been married 14 years together for 17, 2 kiddos. Things have gotten pretty bad, and I’m hoping to turn it around. If that doesn’t happen, I’ve been back in school and will graduate this summer, the loans are paid off and my parting gift to him will be that neither of our standard of living should drop by much if we don’t make it as a couple. I don’t want to get married again, I like men much better when I have my own space and they have theirs. But this philosophy doesn’t come easy, it comes from actually working through the issues before divorce so that there’s no animosity left. On the flip side of this, because there’s no animosity left, that means that I take accountability for being a nightmare wife who was at least as bad as I used to think that he was. Because I take accountability and am not bitter any more, our marriage might actually have a shot at working now.

    I bought into a false reality hook, line and sinker, and it caused nothing but pain and frustration. In the end I see my equal; he’s human and so am I. For all of the frustration of being with him, I’ve grown to understand things from his perspective (as well as I can at least) and I really think that for all my bitching, these were the best years of my life. Hopefully he had a good time too. My children are realists and hopefully they won’t make the mistakes of idealism that I did. If I’ve come to realize this, I’m guessing there are a lot of other women realizing the same thing, so maybe the next generation of people won’t be so screwed up when it comes to relationships.

  53. @Rollo

    I think there is a interesting phenomenon that is currently happening and as far as I know noboddy in the manosphere is covering it, I call it “the dead of the Alpha widows”.Here in the UK recently two post-wall women killed themselves due to their impossivility to get commitment from their Alpha male lovers, I know another case that was not covered by the media. I think it is the same case of Mick Jagger’s girlfriend.

  54. Trying to think of a topic I care less about then the trails and tears of women I ain’t related to and can’t rightly come up with one

    Could be why no one is covering it

  55. I’ve been agitating for an essay on this topic for months now. One day I’ll realise everything has been covered. It’s just a matter of finding the article for it.

    Rollo Quote

    “So the message is no longer “I am an independent, strong willed woman who should be desired by an adoring, higher-status man chosen from my man-harem” the message is now “I’m a poor victim of men’s callous affections of which I can’t help but be consistently aroused by.””

    The FI wouldn’t drop the strong willed woman persona if it could still be maintained. It can’t and the victim status is being used to elicit a sympathetic response from the men challenging it’s authority.

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