Just Get It

I don’t usually cite Athol Kay on Rational Male, but I have to give him props for his recent How Walkaway Wives Run a Dirty MAP. There’s a lot going on in this post, and as per usual Athol approaches all of his observations from a married perspective constrained by a limited single-life experience, but a few fundamental points of Game really shine here. To be sure, relationship Game (or married Game) varies widely in application compared to the Game used in single-man-sex-life, but the foundational principles are essentially the same – as are the pitfalls – only the risks are higher and the rewards negligible by comparison.

I’ve stated this before, but, having experienced the ups and downs of single-man-sex-life as well as married-man-sex-life, I can honestly say that I’ve never found Game more necessary than when it’s within the context of marriage. I’ve also written volumes about the all-risk proposition of marriage for men, and women’s utter inability to appreciate the all-risk sacrifices men assume in committing to marriage. So it should be obvious that under such conditions if a man chooses to entertain a lifestyle of marriage the only acceptable condition is that it be within his frame and his terms. And this, gentlemen, requires not only a commitment to Game itself, but an understanding of, and an internalization of a much tighter Game than would be necessary in single-man-sex-life.

Higher risks mean less margin for error

In your single-man-sex-life Game, you have the leisure to Spin Plates, drop the ones which don’t produce dividends, and non-exclusively enjoy the ones who do. Though it may pain you to lose a particular girl as the result of fumbled Game, or to miss the opportunity of experiencing a woman due to a failed approach or consolidation, it pales in comparison to the risks inherent in lacking the long-term Game necessary to contend with women’s hypergamy in the context of marriage. Dumping a girl (or getting dumped) when single may be an emotional ordeal for some guys, but the decay of a marriage and the financial, familial and emotional consequences for lacking Game in marriage is a punishment that will make a single man’s break up tears seem like a blessing. Tight relationship Game means much more than just getting your wife to fuck you more regularly after the honeymoon.

A lot of men will respond that marriage is just not worth all that contextualization of Game, and they’d be right. It’s all risk with negligible reward / appreciation and the liabilities are too steep. Furthermore, there’s a contingent of men who’ll say that it’s impossible to perpetuate the solid Game necessary to assuage female hypergamy indefinitely, and they’d be right too, if Game was a constant act for them that they felt they had to keep up forever. Some guys get mad at just the suggestion that they’d need to Game their potential wives. “She should just love me for who I am!” They expect to be able to drop the Game, relax and be who they are, only to have their wives progressively convert them into an imagined ideal which really isn’t the guy who tingles their vaginas. Then they find out that their wives loved them for who they were.


One of the points that jumped out at me from Athol’s post:

When the lines of communication are broken between you and your wife, you aren’t going to get a message that the lines of communication are broken. That’s what the lines of communication being broken means. When she checks out of the marriage, she doesn’t tell you because she checked out of the marriage. That’s what being checked out of the marriage means.

I usually have to control my laughter whenever I overhear an AFC in the crab barrel parrot back the Matrix-speak about how “good relationships are all about communication with your GF/wife.” When this is coming from a single guy I can at least partially excuse him for lack of any practicable experience, but when it comes from a married Plug-In it’s just evidence of the totality of his conditioning. Most guys who tell you this are repeating what their girl-friends always told them was the most important key to a good relationship, but as with everything femme there’s always a latent purpose underneath the veneer of aphoristic truth they sell themselves.

A few months back I was at a liquor event with my usual ‘pour girls’ and during our conversations one tells me about her ‘guy problems’ with a “clingy boyfriend” obviously on the down end of an SMV imbalance.

“It’s so frustrating Rollo, why can’t guy’s just get it?”

With a practiced, but cute, little wrinkle of her nose, and the huff of her $5K tits, my girl had just indirectly revealed one of the most vexing complexities of intergender communication – women want men to “just get it.”

Just Get It

From Female Dating Advice:

The guy with the capacity to call a woman’s bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the Man to be competed for. Essentially the ‘chick speak’, ‘chick advice’ phenomenon is a shit test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to ‘get it’; to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is, without overtly telling you.

She want’s you to ‘get it’ on your own, without having to be told how. That initiative and the experience needed to have had developed it makes you a Man worth competing for. Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant. Overtly relating this to a guy entirely defeats his credibility as a genuinely dominant male. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s ‘the way he is’ instead of who she had to tell him to be.

Observing the process will change it. This is the root function of every shit test ever devised by a woman. If masculinity has to be explained to a man, he’s not the man for her.

In my Pour Girl’s example we see this ‘get it’ paradox from the single-man-sex-life perspective, and in Athol’s scenario we see it from the married-man (or LTR) -sex-life perspective. Many men will complain that they hate the presumption that they need to be a mind reader and ideally women ought to just communicate overtly and directly – just as a reason-based man would communicate. The problem is that in doing so it changes the dynamic for hypergamy. As I’ve stated so often, women say they want the truth, but they never want full disclosure. Hypergamy will not be pandered to, and will not be negotiated with.

This is why the “communication is everything” meme has been responsible for the demise of more relationships than anyone will ever admit. It’s not that you communicate, it’s what you’re communicating and how you communicate it. I’ve counseled more men than I care to recount who’ve sobbed from the depths of their souls, “IF SHE’D JUST TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE HER LOVE ME I’D DO IT!” not realizing that their very verbalization of that and a belief in open, rational communication is the very thing that’s killing (or killed) their woman’s desire for him.

As I’ve written a thousand times, a cardinal truth of the universe is that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. The moment you tell your wife, your girlfriend, that you will exchange a behavior or attitude or belief or any other compromise for her desire you fundamentally change her organic desire into obligation. What she wants, what her hypergamy wants confirmation of, can never be explicated, it can only be demonstrated. If her desire is for you to be more dominant, her telling you to be so negates the genuineness and the validity of your becoming so. Again, observing a process will change it – on a limbic level of consciousness her innate hypergamy is aware of that truth.

She wants a man who knows he needs to be dominant with her, that is the confirmation of hypergamy.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

178 comments on “Just Get It

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  7. If game was this imperative, vital for men’s mating prospects, then how come the nature did not naturally equip men with the necessary understanding just as it did women with deception tactics; and instead hardwired men’s logic with a default wussy, woman-pleasing attitude? All the gaming stuff, pua methods and mentality are in themselves a form of trying, a forced attitude. With game, you digest from the path the nature has originally drawn for you: competing for access to woman’s company and providing for her in that context. It is a paradox that what nature prescribed does not work.

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  9. Sigh, I just had this hit me in the face. I met a girl on the street with her friends and just commented on what they were doing. I had no interest in her, but she basically said “Here, take my number.” It was weird, but deep down, I knew what it meant.

    So what did I do? I called her up a bit later, got sidetracked from the goal, and asked her what she wanted. The call still went to completion and we arranged a date, but she never showed. If it wasnt when I got distracted, it was when I asked her why, that I lost the sale. I realize that now, and that it likely can never be reversed. I had planned to just go for it, but I lost my certainty and confidence. If she had to tell me why she gave me her number, then I obviously have failed.

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  15. I have seen a lot of guys BUY a woman’s attention, by paying for meals, entertainment, and vacation. And then they cry foul when the woman, oftentimes a “girlfriend” runs out on them once she has found another provider or a well paying job. These sorry bastards were deceiving themselves from the get go. Often times, these guys never really knew the woman or understood her to begin with. They simply figured that as long as they kept shelling out the bucks, she was down for whatever. He loses his job or runs out of money, and she is gone. She finds someone else who can provide even more entertainment and excitement, and she is gone. He has been buying her time and that is it. And if she has been using him, it is what he has been signing up for.

  16. I was brought up, like many of you, on a pack of lies. You know, treat women with respect. It used to confuse the hell out of me when women would walk up to me and make a bold pass, or go so far as to feel me up, or to literally slam their bodies into me if I did not approach them. The first 50+ women I slept with took me to bed. I did not game them at all. They straight up let me know that they were interested, they did not want to waste time, they wanted to get laid, period. And they wanted to get me home before any douche bags, or any competitive chicks, tried to get in their way.

  17. Two thoughts on this. Well three maybe.

    A man just is. He does things that are manly about the house. He does not do laundry or dishes. He can cook–but as a master. He builds things, he repairs things, he protects the family.

    If your wife won’t fuck you, it’s because you suck in bed and have no imagination. You won’t get it from porn. On any LTR I’ve had, sex is on demand. They want it when i want it and even when I don’t.

    If a woman asks you what you’re thinking about, tell her you’re thinking about her ass and how much you want to bend her over. Then do it.

    Life is simple. A man rules his castle. All women want to be treated well in public and absolute and totally debased whores in the bedroom. You don’t ask, you take. Where the hell do you think that term came from?

  18. Women are very unforgiving these days. Men are punished for minor transgressions they don’t even know they’ve committed. Ridiculous.

    There’s a woman I’ve known for 5 years. The most logical and forgiving woman I’ve ever know. We’ve had sex hundreds of times and the only time she ever turned me down (once) was when she had the flu. I can totally fuck up during the day, and as long as I apologize (for a legitimate fuck up) she’ll forgive and have sex with me that night. Most of the women I’ve known would freeze me out for days for some if the shit I’ve done. We not totally compatible in every way, maybe we couldn’t live together, but it’s hard not to respect and care for a woman that “gets it” like that. Most women are pains in the ass.

  19. So, somewhat related – say you sense a subtle change in the IL of a plate. Is there ever a scenario where it is acceptable to confront her on what is going on? My gut is that this would indicate to her that you need validation of her desire for you and would reduce her respect for you. I have this going on now. She’s gotten deeply involved with my family — I’m still spinning plates, but this one got herself far closer than the others, and I was ok with that given that she’s my top plate. Anyway, two weeks ago she left on a camping trip with friends, and the night she left she said she loved me, opened up a vein about the damaged relationship with her mother, and spent the night with me. I avoid contact with her until she texts me on day 7 of her 12 day trip…just a ‘how are you’…i respond minimally. She texts a few more times on her way back, but just 2-3 word texts about her location. Nothing much. Finally arrives home. Makes no effort to make plans with me. Granted she’s been back only 24 hours now. We did end up making plans to see a show next week. Point is, not much of a hurry to see me after being gone for 2 weeks. We have a date set up, but not for another week…I want to say ‘whats up with you?’ but I am guessing that’s a total beta move and not welcomed. So again, is there ever a time to ask wtf is going on?

  20. Does Rollo or anyone make the connection with the “Twilight” series?–Edward can read everyone else’s minds, except Bella’s? –& numerous other such items from the Twilight series? (Twilight, the education of a generation of females etc)

  21. Wow! This is so true. I was recently dating a woman and we were on a vacation together. We were in the hot tub at the condo and I asked her to get naked and she did take off her top. Earlier that day she had told me that I was really determined to have sex the previous night. And so I was gun-shy. To top it off my ex told me she felt violated the last time we had sex. My theory was that if you don’t ask the answer is always no. In no way that I force my ex wife into sex

    Later that night I was in bed with my girlfriend and she told me that I would have gotten naked for you in the hot tub and so I said why didn’t you? And she demurred she gave several other hints that she wanted sex and said what do you want? And I said what do you want? And then I said do you want to fool around? And she said “you were married for too long, you never ask a woman for sex” needless to say I was denied that night but it made up for it later

  22. So what you are saying is that you don’t get awards for not robbing banks moving towards getting laid? Being gun-shy is not a virtue?

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