Female Dating Advice

The prey does not teach the hunter how better to catch it.

Why women give bad dating advice.

This one is always a controversial topic on SoSuave. I find it ironic that the same guys who whole-heartedly agree with the idiom “believe what she does, not what she says”, are often the same men who really want to believe that, select, special women actually do give other men advice that has merit.

The problem is most guys simply parrot the words women have told them over the years when they asked them “What do women want in a guy?” and then think it works since they got it straight from the horse’s mouth. Unfortunately, too many guys, especially recently, have bought the same line women have been repeating for ages thinking it’s a way to put themselves at an advantage when all it does is disqualify not only them, but the poor suckers who hear ‘chick advice’ from another guy, repeat it, and the cycle continues.

My take is that the ‘chick advice’ phenomenon is a socio-evolutionary fail-safe mechanism meant to filter women’s selection process of less desirable men from more desirable (competition worthy) men. Think about this – women almost uniquely own “relationship advice” in popular media. There are a few notable feminized male exceptions (i.e. the Dr. Phils), but the ones who don’t align their opinions along a feminine-first priority are surreptitiously tagged as misogynists and marginalized or ridiculed.

On some level of consciousness women know they’re full of shit when they offer up the ‘standard’ chick advice. To greater or lesser degrees, they know they’re being less than genuine when they see this advice regularly contradicted by their own behaviors. Women (and now men) repeat in article after article how well developed the female capacity is for communication, so it follows that they must know to some, maybe subconscious, degree that they are being less than helpful if not deliberately misleading. Even the mothers with the best interests of their son’s at stake still parrot these responses. It’s like a female imperative. Why?

For the answer, all you have to do is look at the bios of single women on any online dating service. When asked to describe the characteristics they find desirable in a man, the single most common responses are confidence, decisiveness, independence. Traits that would require a man to be a Man and have the foresight and perseverance not to take things at face value. The guy with the capacity to call a woman’s bluff with a confidence that implies she is to be worthy of him rather than the other way around is the Man to be competed for. Essentially the ‘chick speak’, ‘chick advice’ phenomenon is a shit test writ large on a social scale. And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to ‘get it’; to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is, without overtly telling you.

Most guys are natural pragmatists, we look for the shortest most efficient way between two points. The deductive reasoning that follows is that if we want sex, and women have the sex we want, we ought to ask them what conditions they require from us in order for us to get it. The problem is that women don’t want to tell us this, because in doing so it makes us less independent and and more compromising (and lazy) in our own identities in order to get at her sexuality. This is counter to the decisive, independent and masculine Man they really want and is evidenced in their behaviors. He should know what women want without asking because he’s observed them often enough, been successful with them often enough, and taken the efforts to make decisions for himself based on their behaviors, especially in the face of a world full of women’s conflicting words. This makes him the commodity in the face of a constant, overwhelming contradiction of her own and other women’s motives, words and behaviors.

She want’s you to ‘get it’ on your own, without having to be told how. That initiative and the experience needed to have had developed it makes you a Man worth competing for. Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant. Overtly relating this to a guy entirely defeats his credibility as a genuinely dominant male. The guy she wants to fuck is dominant because that’s ‘the way he is’ instead of who she had to tell him to be.

Observing the process will change it. This is the root function of every shit test ever devised by a woman. If masculinity has to be explained to a man, he’s not the man for her.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Marellus
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Marellus
Marellus
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Marellus

And on Masculinity

Good Luck Chuck
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Good Luck Chuck

I was going to say that you give women too much credit for being intelligent and/or self aware enough to realize that the advice they give is complete bullshit, but then I remembered something that happened to me recently that would lend a grain of truth to your theory. A couple of months ago I met up with some friends before a night on the town. My business partner’s girlfriend and her best friend were there, along with the girlfriend’s sister who was visiting from out of town. We met up at my business partner’s condo. I had been warned… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
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Glad you found the blog ‘chuck’

Good Luck Chuck
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Good Luck Chuck

Good to see that you finally decided to get something rolling.

romeo maldini
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well said my man

“Women despise a man who needs to be told to be dominant”

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[…] adopting female seduction methodologies (i.e. “flip-the-script” Game), when promoted by women giving men advice, the premise is disingenuous on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin with it. […]

Theodore Hingely
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Theodore Hingely

Do you think this advice applies to dating women regardless of age?

What do you think about the advice in the following article:
http://www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-ask-out-a-woman-if-you-really-like-her-and-also-how-to-f-the-s-out-of-her-brains

T.Jr
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T.Jr

oh god. that article is an abomination. and that broad and others like her are the empowered sluts that the matrix is pumping out in mass production. the very crowning achievement of the whole shebang. i probably read about 1/4 into her list before i just stopped. its rife with typical feminist fallacies and faux indignation that can only be attested to her having ridden the carousel and hitting the wall. i can bet money that chick is over 25 and nothing more then a 7. and yes, it also has all the classic female imperative inclination (projection, assuming attraction… Read more »

Theodore Hingely
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Theodore Hingely

Thanks for your reply, T.Jr. You’re right. The woman in that article is over 25, 37 to be exact. So I guess Rollo Tomassi’s advice applies to all women regardless of age. I thought that at some age women and men would be able to transcend hypergamy and PUA culture. All aspects of The Game as played by men and women, including hypergamy, shit testing, pick up artistry, etc. seem so destructive. In April 2012, there were some very interesting articles on The Rawness blog discussing the types of personalites and behaviors encouraged by The Game including codependency, narcissism, and… Read more »

smoothreentry
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This is an excellent article. I have not read much Rollow because I discriminate against guys with shirtless avatars. But this post is very very good.

smoothreentry
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Rollo. Excuse the typo…

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[…] […]

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[…] on and so forth. Do they really mean it? No and being more attuned at communicating I suspect even they don’t believe the rubbish their saying when it clearly contradicts with their own […]

Tony
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Tony

I understand why you don’t ask a woman you are courting what she wants you to do. But in the case of a hired female coach… presumably she’s in business and wants to make money…. and would realize that providing bad advice to her clients that will cause them to be unhappy with the results…. Now, if I follow this article correctly, despite that, she STILL can’t help herself from doing the things she would do to make sure that her clients are not worthy of her selecting them herself… even though she and they both know that she is… Read more »

Jeff Alberter
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I’m not sure where I saw this nugget of wisdom; it might have been here.

Asking a woman how to win her heart is akin to asking a child how it should be raised.

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[…] that the best way to ‘get the girl’ was to take women at their word, use their “advice“, be their friend, make her comfortable, sacrifice your own (chauvinist) self-importance and […]

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[…] was then I realized I had been attempting to Game girls according to the advice other girls had given me (or even some of the girls I wanted to get with themselves). I realized how adolescent this really […]

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[…] in his methodology are really the deductive conclusions he’s made by listening to the advice women have told him about how best to “treat a woman” if he wants to get with her. A […]

daysofgamecom
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>> in doing so it makes us less independent and and more compromising (and lazy) in our own identities in order to get at her sexuality That is such a great line. I just read this book Arousal (psychology of fantasies) and the author talks about how masculinity is forged as a young man begins to separate his identity from his image of his mother. I’d heard recently (elsewhere) that men often define their identities by what they “don’t want to be.” Putting all this together… it’s a sort of momma’s boy move to ask for advice on how to… Read more »

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[…] […]

Carlos
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Carlos

What about advice in general? How do you take advice, I always do what I want to do and have really troubles listening to people. I am having some doubts about one woman I am seeing. I ask some men for advice, but sometime it just feels like I have already made a decision deep inside of me and just waiting for someone to allow me to drop this awesome woman. I love her, but thinking logically and long-term, this love feels more like it bothers me and my independence. I am totally invested in this “doing the right thing”… Read more »

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[…] (enlace al original en ingles) […]

rugby11
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rugby11

“but the ones who don’t align their opinions along a feminine-first priority are surreptitiously tagged as misogynists and marginalized or ridiculed.” https://soundcloud.com/officialmetallica/hardwired “Even the mothers with the best interests of their son’s at stake still parrot these responses. It’s like a female imperative. Why?” http://www.bestpuatraining.com/pua-routines/the-cube “And even your own mother and sisters are in on it, expecting you to ‘get it’; to get the message and see the challenge for what it really is, without overtly telling you.” “He should know what women want without asking because he’s observed them often enough, been successful with them often enough, and taken… Read more »

Sylar
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I have a theory why women would not be turned on by a man they know had to be told to be dominant. In psychology, there is a theory that people value things not only for what it is but for what we believe about its essential nature or history. (Essentialism) Hence, a man who acts dominant because he was told to is not dominate in his essential nature. The behaviour is hot because it is a reflection of a dominant essential nature. This is why it is no longer hot when a man has to be told to be… Read more »

Chuck
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Chuck

I agree with the woman’s (“Mandy’s”) dating advice. But all of these things must be done by a self confident (arrogant-having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities) man. My wife said that I was so self-confident that I sometimes came across as an arrogant asshole, but that’s what attracted her to me. So, I think that if an arrogant asshole followed Mandy’s advice, he would do just fine, because he was an arrogant asshole. But, if a very beta guy followed her advice, he would do poorly, because he was doing it from a beta… Read more »

Sri
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Sri

The rule then is to have your own style and view for everything — the interesting thing about shit tests though is that they often come up like a shocker on the exact thing that you might have never expected to hear or know about, so better take a stand and learn to play speed chess. By the way, in my country’s local language, do you know what the word for son is? It’s “beta”. While that has nothing to do with the greek word “beta”, it kind of rings a bell on the fate of a man who’s always… Read more »

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[…] Not to mention the things girls say they like… […]

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