The True Romantics

When watching this video, or any similar to it, notice how you feel physically before you hit play and then compare it to how you feel after viewing it. Is your heart rate elevated? Did you get a little fight-or-flight adrenal rush? We laugh to relieve the visceral anxiety we feel for this chump, but think of seeing this in terms of transferring this guy’s stress level to yourself. We know the ship is going to sink before we watch, but we feel, by order of degrees, what this guy is feeling by association to the point that it prompts a chemical response in us. Why?

Is it that through some psychologically evolved mechanism we’ve learned to protect ourselves in similar situations in our primal past? Think about what a man would have to believe in order to overcome that mechanism and place himself in a position of public ridicule that ALL depended on the woman’s response. This woman is mediocre at best – I’d rate her about an HB 5 – and this guy proposes to her in what he undoubtedly believes is a grand chivalric gesture. I’m sure he genuinely believed she’d appreciate his ‘vulnerability’ and create a cherished memory for them both as they gracefully age in their marriage. I doubt either of them will ever forget it now.

In some of the comments they were saying it was a set up, but what’s the point of that? Who’s benefiting from it?

And even if it was contrived, the real lesson being taught is from the ‘audience’ around them. People still want to believe that it was authentic. It’s still a pretty useful illustration of a beta mindset. How many guys like this want to believe that a woman will appreciate his romanticism? It is men who are the real romantics. It’s men who are the imaginative ones when it comes to romance, and all in an effort to provide a woman with the romantic experiences she says she wants. Romance is what Men perceive it to be for women.

Women do not appreciate planned, romantic gestures. I’m sure this guy thought he was being brilliant by noticing how she cuts a cupcake – “girls like it when guys pay attention to the little things, ‘other guys’ don’t listen to women, I’ll show her I’m unique,..” What most men and all women don’t understand is that the things a woman finds romantic are rarely ever planned. Your sweaty t-shirt is more romantic to her than any candlelit evening. It’s the things you don’t think would ever be romantic that stick with her. In the same way you cannot negotiate genuine desire, likewise you cannot engineer genuine romance.

The problem with planned romanticism is that it’s pregnant with an obligation to be appreciated. Men can be romantic, just not the way women say how they expect it. Like pretty much anything else women say, it’s not what they really want, but a man can’t be told what that is, he has to figure it out for himself, otherwise it isn’t genuine. For the high value Man, romance is an effortless and unthinking gesture.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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N.
Guest
N.

The way you provided a concrete example and then explained it in theoretical terms made for good reading.

Deep Dish
Guest
Deep Dish

Karma proposed with taco sauce as his gesture of promise. Very simple, very spontaneous, very effective. I have no doubt his speech was less than 10 words. This reminds me a quote: “A wise woman never yields by appointment. It should always be an unforeseen happiness.”

Neecy
Guest

Rollo you are right. I never understood why i was one of those women who were not all giddy over the whole outwardly gestures of romanticism like flowers, overly dramatic clichéd gestures of affection, etc. There is no accounting for spontaneity or a man who simply does something unique as his own gesture towards you to show his affections or that he cares. A lot of women would even be content and internally excited with heavy kino (like back rubbing while we’re out) or placing his hand on your leg/thigh while driving something like that. Those simple yet affectionate romantic… Read more »

Marellus
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Marellus

Rollo.

I need to read Jung.

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

Good to see that the world is starting to catch up.

I’ve been saying this for a long time now- men are the TRUE romantic suckers. Women only respond favorably to “costly” gestures from men who have a high enough SMV to afford them.

detinennui32
Guest
detinennui32

Agree fully.

And this post presents the flip side of why the first few dates should be as little investment as possible. If she’s meh about you, you have lost little because you have not invested much time, money, effort or emotion.

And immediate, out-of-the-gate high investment makes a woman (other than an entitlement princess) uncomfortable because she feels obligated to respond — emotion, sex, another date. .

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[…] to doubt the veracity of what they’re telling me? Add to this that it’s men who are the true romantics of the sexes and it gets even harder to be suspect of an underlying self-serving motive. In fact it […]

JoyStick
Guest
JoyStick

rollo go back and read the top comments on youtube. the reason she said no was because she was cheating on him with another dude behind his back and felt guilty. haha.. hopefully one day he’ll find your blog and wise up.

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[…] I’ve stated before, men are the True Romantics, women are simply the vehicles for that rarely appreciated romanticism. One of the biggest gripes […]

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[…] I’ve stated before, men are the True Romantics, women are simply the vehicles for that rarely appreciated romanticism. One of the biggest gripes […]

petesgamethoughts
Guest

He should have asked his friends before he did that.

Thumpy
Guest

I think the blogger is falling into the really common trap of saying “Men are….” “Women are…” as if all men act the same and and women act the same. There is a bell-curve of romance within both genders and indeed the entire world’s population. My dad writes love poems to my mom, who’s never written one to him. I dated one girl who would write love notes to me. I then dated another girl who would write notes telling me to pick my shit up off the floor or she would rip my nuts off. The two girls were… Read more »

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[…] the girl, and acted on this resolve by buying a ring and planning to propose on V-Day. Men are the True Romantics; Women simply do not have a parallel experience for […]

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Case
Guest
Case

Fardo. n.
A sniglet. From the French, fardeoux.
Of or relating to the feeling of embarassment one experiences on behalf of one who is either too stupid or too ignorant to feel embarassed for himself.

Hopeless Romantic
Guest
Hopeless Romantic

The sweaty T-shirt is not more romantic than a candlelit evening, it is more sexually raw. Two entirely different, but equally powerful, feelings.

Here’s a romantic video that a guy made for now wife. Notice how good looking they both are. Perhaps it only works when the couples are 8s and assortively matched.

threealpha
Guest
threealpha

Split up^^^^^^^^^

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[…] I’ve stated in many prior posts, it is Men, not women who are the True Romantics. It is actually Men who will more readily alter their lives in the most radical of ways to achieve […]

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liz
Guest
liz

I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said, but I think there’s something more fundamental at work when explaining why this was a failure. Honestly, he comes off as pathetic the whole time. The soliloquy about them meeting in front of that place a year ago, feeling dizzy, the cupcake thing, etc., etc…it’s just irksome. But what makes it unattractive, isn’t because women don’t respond to sentimentality, it’s just that, in this case, you so obviously read FAKE through everything he says. You “can feel” that he’s just taking advice from romantic comedies to try to feign an internal substance and… Read more »

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[…] […]

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[…] for a moment that any man is functionally indifferent to the influence of women. Men are the True Romantics; we want our idealistic impression of love to be impossibly reciprocated. We look for ways to […]

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Arnold
Guest
Arnold

‘cinnabon lady said she’d marry him’ LOL

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[…] “gaming” years and begin to feel a want for something more substantial. Men are the true romantics of the sexes so it’s no great surprise that their romantic / idealistic concept of love would […]

david
Guest
david

Women are not romantic, they are only the arbiters of romance

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[…] then, if you asked me what I was up to, I might have claimed that I was a helpless romantic — and how can you judge that? If I was really cornered, I might have argued that I was a […]

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Michelle
Guest
Michelle

It’s exactly this: The problem with planned romanticism is that it’s pregnant with an obligation to be appreciated.
It feels manipulative.

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[…] (Enlace al original en Ingles) […]

rugby11
Guest
rugby11

Romance has to mean everything to the man and nothing to the women evolutionary wise. Thats how its true Romance.
https://youtu.be/AV-nMFaXeD4

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[…] Rollo Tommasi says, men are the real romantics. Men think when they give the girl what she wants they will be rewarded with even more of the good […]

Mr. Roboto
Guest
Mr. Roboto

@Rollo Exactly one year ago I was unplugged from the Matrix. A raw, brutal, painful rejection was the path to find your blog. I am commenting here, because this was the very first post I read from you. I have read most of your posts, I have your first two books and I am waiting for the copy of the third one. It is amazing what you do and the nobleness of your work helping men. I know that to kill my inner Beta will still take a long time, but at least now I can live with the dignity… Read more »

Stoic101
Guest
Stoic101

Yeah, these kinds of experiences, while painful, are pretty deep learning lessons, it really takes some time though depending on the level of awareness the guy is at to overcome the tendency to do this trash…solid post, wish I found this shit years ago instead of learning the hard way – as a side note I find interesting the girls in the comments on this page are all claiming he seems ‘manipulative’ – which I would imagine is just code speak for them realizing the hamster in their brain is rationalizing and thinking through it too much and thinking the… Read more »

Stoic101
Guest
Stoic101

Girls are in constant ‘aware-ness’ mode – i.e. they are solipsistic and live in their heads – to ‘come outside’ of herself (outside of her bubble world and head) in such a forward way via a public proposal is too much too fast – it could be done but the girl would have to be up to it somehow – she would have to be already sort of a ‘red-pill’ girl basically – most girls are constantly analyzing and judging the dude socially – so on one hand girls are extremely existential, but on the other hand this existential nature… Read more »

Stoic101
Guest
Stoic101

I think when girls say he looks ‘manipulative’ it means that his blue pill idea of romance was simply ‘fake’ looking and noticeably artificial ; the cheesy guitarist, the shopping mall, the cheesy comments he makes, the not tailored suit – what does ‘REAL’ romance ‘LOOK LIKE’? Well – its normally expensive shit – ‘real’ romance (as defined by society) is something like candlelit inner in Italy overlooking wine country and imagine some fuckin Spanish guitarist serenading the fuck out of you and her – THAT’S REAL FUCKING ‘romance’ – NOT this dollar store shit with the guy in a… Read more »

Stoic101
Guest
Stoic101

I understand that the vast majority of this site and ‘manosphere’ in general it seems like is built on the notion of girls hypergamy – and while there’s some red pill truths there, I simply don’t buy it all the way. Certainly from a biological pov there’s a bit of merit there; she wants her offspring to survive etc etc. But on a whole the ultimate reality of girls is one of a scared nature. Why don’t women craft the blue pill ‘romances’ the way men do? It’s because they are already existential – they are already keenly aware of… Read more »

Stoic101
Guest
Stoic101

Simple thought experiment: Put a girl alone in the woods and have her fend for herself, she will either die, or she will cling to the first person or guy who comes her way and claim him a ‘savior’….her thoughts are colored with the run of ideas of “I need saved, someone save me, someone please save me!” Put a man in the woods and have him fend for himself, he will build himself a home, find that lost girl in the woods, make a family, build a town, make a city…if he never finds the girl he builds a… Read more »

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[…] the money spent. What matters is the sentimental investment you put into that doomed relationship. Men are the true romantics in this world, and they can get badly hurt falling in love with a woman who only sees them as Đại Gia if they […]

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