Sexy isn’t always slutty, but slutty is always sexy.

As a relative rookie to blogging I’m starting to develop a better sensitivity to what people find important enough to share with a global audience. One annoying phenomenon I’ve encountered is that I find myself deeply concentrating on some topic and crafting a well thought (at least I think) analysis around it only to be shaken out of my brooding by something that I think needs to be more immediately addressed. Such was the case with Emma Watson’s above diatribe regarding the quandary of sexiness. This bit of her inane post-pubescent aphorisms is being shared around Face Book (generally by older and less attractive women) as some confirmation of what I can only presume is men’s inability to fully comprehend sexiness, beauty and the feminine mystique. Fat acceptance and body image issues aside, it’s ironic that the same women nodding along in agreement are reposting Emma’s wisdom on their wall right next to their most recent GNO (girls night out) party photos in mini skirts themselves.

Any cursory browsing of 4Chan will probably turn up a Rule 34 thread with Emma’s face clone-tooled over some random porn star’s face while getting double penetrated. She’s easily one of the most available celebrity porn fakes. That may have a bit to do with her Harry Potter role and various fetishes, but the short version is guys want to bang Emma, and barring the actual experience, they reaaally want to see her naked. It’s a pity that Emma doesn’t understand how to be sexy, but she’s in the majority; precious few women know what turns men on, and still fewer have any capacity to effectively be so.

Sexy isn’t always slutty, but slutty is always sexy.

In the same sense that women lack the capacity to truly appreciate the sacrifices a man must make to ensure her reality, most women also lack a fundamental understanding of the male sexual impulse. As I’ve stated in prior threads, until women are steeped in 17 times their normal testosterone levels, they will never understand the male experience with regards to sex. When a woman utters the words “I don’t understand why sex is such a big deal for guys”, she’s speaking the truth. She can’t know, but along with that comes a disconnect between her lack of understanding the male sexual impulse and her fem-centric social conditioning of what sex should be like for him.

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing.”

Considering Emma’s boyish pixie cut (eerily similar to a younger Sinead O’ Conner’s) this should come as no surprise to anyone. What Emma doesn’t get is that sexy isn’t always slutty. She doesn’t understand how to be sexy, but few women do because it is Men who’ve classically defined what is sexy and feminine in women. What has historically worked as sexy, and what has been historically confirmed as feminine is defined by the response and effect that particular behavior set evokes from Men. What we consider today as sexy behaviors and appearance were characteristics ‘selected-for’ that endured to become gender indicative aspects of being feminine. The inverse of this is true for women; women define what is sexy in men.

The problem women have with being sexy in the last 50+ years is illustrated in Emma’s next point:

“I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. Personally, I don’t even think it’s that sexy.”

On a rudimentary biological level, Emma actually does know what is sexy (i.e. what turns Men on about women), but she is “uncomfortable” in being so. People want to change her into someone who is comfortable with being sexy because they see such potential – ergo the popularity of Emma’s Rule 34 popularity. Her refusal or discomfort in being so is where the feminine imperative picks up the banner and runs with it. Here is an arguably beautiful young woman (by men’s standards) who wont conform to what men’s appetites want to make of her. Like all contemporary women, she wants to define what sexy should be for men using metrics that she is comfortable with. The problem, as with all things fem-centric, is that this social push to redefine for men what they should find sexy slams headlong into Men’s biological imperatives. Despite feminizations incessant efforts to the contrary, we still want to fuck the girl who most closely resembles the Playboy centerfold and our erections are the litmus test.

Show Up Naked, Bring Beer

Another great irony of our age is that we still cling to the idea that it’s women who are the best seducers of humanity. In the same misdirection that women would like to believe that they are the more romantic gender, so too would they like to believe they are the most effective seducers. Both of these are far from the truth. It’s Men with the greatest art that have gone down in history as the greatest seducers of the genders. So much more is required of Men to be effective seducers than women.

In this age female seduction amounts to show up naked, bring beer.

Men are stimulated primarily by the physical, but there’s a lot more a woman can do to be seductive. Quite honestly I think seduction is a lost art for women. Very few women know how to be sexy, much less seductive. Even fewer ever feel a need to be seductive. This is due to an environment that, for the past 50 years, has simplified sexual exchange for women to the point that all she need do is stay somewhat fit and wear a thong occasionally. So many men have become so acclimated to just these visual prompts as sexual cues that women don’t really need to learn seduction. There is no greater reward for being sexy or seductive beyond what she’s already capable of prompting in a man, so seduction practices aren’t reinforced for her.

Now add to this the feminine priority westernized culture has placed on women’s sexuality. Any woman feeling a need to be seductive for a man is cast in the role of putting his sexual value above her own. Remember, according to Cosmo and Oprah it is he who needs to be sensitive to her needs. Her sexuality is a GIFT he qualifies for, not something she should ever feel a need to sell to him by means of seduction.

Women don’t need to seduce men anymore. The feminine-priority dynamic has put a default value on women’s sexuality. Those hot enough to simply wear something revealing never need seduction, and those not hot enough can’t sell it anyway. And the girls who’re in between – the one’s who’d benefit most – are discouraged from learning seduction since it’s denigrating to women who should already be on a pedestal to begin with.

Ever since the sexual revolution there’s been less and less motivation for women to develop seduction skills. If anything there’s a resentment for ever having needed them in the past. I’d argue that feminine seduction skills have been replaced with emotional and psychological manipulations (see BPD) in order to make men comply with their imperatives as a result of having abandoned those seduction behaviors.

It’s Men who are learning seduction skills now. How many men do you suppose have read the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene in comparison to women? It’s men who’ve created a global community dedicated to seduction techniques. Perhaps this is the best evidence of the gender reversal the community discusses so often? Women’s sexuality has been elevated to such a degree that it’s men who find it necessary to collectively study seduction.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

52 comments on “Sexy

  1. Another great post.

    I’ve been in the position of actually advising women how to flirt and be seductive. Imagine that – as a man, I’ve studied enough about seduction from a male standpoint that I know more about female seduction techniques than some women I know. One was a cute Asian I worked with who I knew liked me (but I chose not to act on because of my job). Another was a girl I knew from high school who was stuck in an early 90s grunge time warp. In either case I was shocked that they didn’t even know the basics – laugh at the guy’s jokes, touch him (kino), lean in, lick lips, real fundamental stuff.

    Lack of female “sexiness” may be in part a result of the Just Be Yourself scourge that so destroys males’ seduction efforts. JBY has a female component – women tell each other that they deserve a Prince who loves them for who they are; thus there is never any incentive to improve or accentuate one’s physical attractiveness. The onus is placed on “the right guy” to come along and love her unconditionally. Eventually, that may happen – when she’s 38, and the only guys she can attract are herbs and beta schlubs she might have (or did) reject fifteen years earlier. Still, the fairy tale narrative must be followed – it was all about timing, serendipity, and true love.

  2. The art of sexiness went out the window right alongside femininity. Most American women these days aren’t sexy or feminine because they don’t have to be.

    This is the direct result of the disintegration of marriage and the rise of the hookup culture. If the new goal is short term hookups with random douchebags as opposed to long term monogamy with a single high value man, there is no incentive to improve your presentation beyond what it takes to achieve your goal. These days a splattering of war paint and a set of bolt-on’s are enough to get a woman what she’s looking for. She has little incentive to develop those personality traits that are more helpful in triggering the provider instinct in men because that isn’t what she is looking for. If random douchebag of the day doesn’t pan out, there’s another one waiting in line. Then by the time she hits 35 and is ready to settle down she has all but lost the ability to present herself in a feminine, sexy manner so she is forced to do the only thing she can to compete with her younger, hotter competition- amp up the aggressiveness. Want to see lots of unsexy, unfeminine aggressive cougars in action? Head over to Dexters in Heathrow with me one Saturday night. It’s an eye opening experience.

    1. “This is the direct result of the disintegration of marriage and the rise of the hookup culture. If the new goal is short term hookups with random douchebags as opposed to long term monogamy with a single high value man, there is no incentive to improve your presentation beyond what it takes to achieve your goal.”

      And here we see an AFC who thinks he is a high value man. Not understanding what was being written or why he is an AFC.

  3. Any woman half decent on the eye can use her body to bed a man. It is altogether different to seduce a man by conquering his imagination and occupying his thought. The latter task requires more than flesh. It requires a combination of body, gait, wit, and dress. In my books, sexy always trumps slutty. What a shame this doesn’t happen more often.

      1. I agree.

        Problem is, slutty tends to come along with a whole slew of other things that are pretty undesirable in a woman. It’s nice to imagine that there is a such thing as *Your* slut, but that’s not how it works most of the time

    1. I usually aim for the ‘Classy’ women. Those that know how to look good and show off their body without being too revealing of actual skin. It has a higher chance of a good balance of looks/personality.

      At least, for relationships. I’ll approach anyone who throws out some indicators of interest and is physically attractive.

      1. “I usually aim for the ‘Classy’ women. Those that know how to look good and show off their body without being too revealing of actual skin. It has a higher chance of a good balance of looks/personality.

        At least, for relationships. I’ll approach anyone who throws out some indicators of interest and is physically attractive.”

        A guy who aims for a “classy” women is a guy in denial desperate for pussy. Which is why they say “I am for ????? women but they are so hard to find”. These guys then say it to women trying to validate themselves. Not realizing how it sounds.

      2. Those “classy” women are just as raunchy and slutty as the girl in the miniskirt dancing on the bar. When you understand that, you’ll understand female sexuality.

  4. Not too long ago I would read something like this (what Emma said) as is. Not thinking much into it and move on. Now I am beginning to analyze and ask questions. I’m now wanting to know more and want to understand the meaning of it. I am reading between the lines. Whether I am right or not in that understanding isn’t relevant to me right now, what I am concerted about is beginning to ask questions why and search for deeper meaning.

    Your writings Rollo made me question and start to read between the lines.

  5. Great blog Rollo

    Reader from beginning, first post….

    Sam Spade – I agree many women haven’t got a clue how to seduce their man apart from showing up naked (my girlfriend hasn’t a clue).

    However at work I notice that many of the women who can suddenly do the seduction routine at work when the boss appears.

    When the boss of my company is around the amount of fake laughs and kino from some (not all) of the women is quite frankly nauseating.

    When there is a man around who has genuine power over them women can play seductive.

  6. Good Luck Chuck

    I live near Heathrow – this Dexters place sounds so bad I may have to go one day out of curiosity…

    1. That would be Heathrow, Florida. But yea, if you ever get the chance to go on a Saturday night it’s a blast getting molested by a pack of over the hill cougars who are out spending their ex husbands money. It’s like a bizzaro universe where it’s the women are on the hunt. And even if you do have to make the first move it’s all downhill from there cause these women are dying for attention.

  7. Good post. The best women know how to walk the line between sexy and slutty. If you’re going to analyze the actresses of the current era like Emma Watson who are uncomfortable with walking that line, then compare them to actresses from previous generations who could and did walk that line between sexiness and slutiness; Ava Gardner, Jane Russell, Gina Lollabrigida, Catherine Denueve. Even Lauren Bacall. and many more from before the cultural and sexual revolutions of the late 1960’s.

    Even in the era that was perceived to be more socially conservative and Hollywood self-censored they were more sexy and played with slutiness. Brilliantly so and with class, style, intelligence, charm, and verve. It’s perhaps why even decades after their prime with many passed on, they’re still viewed as the epitome of sexiness and slutiness. And they still outperform their modern counterparts. Outside of Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, and perhaps Christina Hendricks. I really can’t think of that many top actresses who successfully straddle that line between sexiness and slutiness.

    Now, what passes for sexiness is Megan Fox, Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria and a host of pop-tarts like Britney, Christina, Katy, Cheryl Cole, Beyonce, etc. They simple fall short of the standard set by their predecessors. Dramatically so.

    Just one example, here’s Ava Gardner on ‘What’s my line?’ from 1953-54 at around age 31-32;

    Even after tempestuous and aging relationships with Mickey Rooney, Artie Shaw, Howard Hughes, and while with Frank Sinatra, Ava was still outrageously hot, not just because of her looks, but her attitude.

    So what’s changed since then? I suspect much of it has to do with the Marxist cultural attacks and revolutions of the late 1960’s which left more and more women and men aimless and uncertain of what to do. Misandristic career-first-sex-positive Feminism stepped in and left women with a confused self-loathing and man-hating ideology, and no-fault divorces left men and women more frequently disconnected with the social status quo that came before. I suspect it’s why there’s such a nostalgia for the social construct of the America of the 1950’s & 60’s eg ‘Mad Men’s’ popularity. Men and women were still nailing each other but it was under a different set of rules and expectations.

    Now, all bets are off and too many are worse off for it.

  8. It is the old fable of the fox and the grapes. She is not sexy, and for sure not very feminine. She has a skinny body and no boobs to show, of couse she does not speak well about showing them. She is the dream of nerdy betas kids.

    She is an androgynous body, and instead of working to reduce the effect, of course she accentuates it. Obvious psychological mechanism.

    And liar too, since a lot of magazines portraied her dressed in a sexy manner and with a provocative look – guess she needs money to understand sexiness.

  9. Great post. But if you do some research you will find emma watson wearing sexy outfits, flirting with the camera and posing like a bombshell. She knows what sexy is. She is good at playing the innocent girl next door image that really get guys going. That’s what they like about her. It’s not that she doesn’t know. It’s she does know but she plays hard that she does not. She is a model. She knows how to give bedroom eyes to the camera. Great post. I enjoy your writings.

  10. You know what’s sexy? Sex is sexy. Britney spears had a good body back in her day, but her choreographed dancing was not sexy.

    They say you can tell if a woman is orgasmic or not by how she walks.

    What makes a woman walk sexy? Sex. The fact that sex – real good mind blowing deep orgasmic sex – is imprinted into her musculature.

    Britney could not dance with sex in her body back in her day. She was flailing about on stage, with her perfect plastic body, but she didn’t have the heat.

    Sex is the heat. The heat is sexy.

  11. Very interesting article here! What’s sad in my opinion is that guys learn that being respectful and “nice” never works. It simply doesn’t seem attractive for some reason. Some will disagree, but that’s what I’m seeing. And seduction using a “I don’t care if you like me or not” wins 99 to 1 over having a giving and nice personality.

  12. She has had boyfriends before, but looks like a lesbian now, so see what happens going to a feminist College. No, she doesn’t now look like an attractive “Girl Next Door” type either. Any woman who intentionally cuts here hair this short has mental issues. Maybe there is or will be a future “Iron Rule” about “Don’t take anything women verbally say seriously.” If a man was seeing her (or any woman) and he tells her “We’re going out tonight at 9pm, wear a skirt that’s above your knees and wear high-heels, I’ll pick you up in 2 hours, see you then, Bye” (if he gets over there and she is not wearing this, then just turn around and walk away, and NEXT her by going out and meeting another woman ASAP. I will only go out with feminine women who enjoy/feel sexy wearing mini-skirts, heels, and lingerie (this is part of how I screen women, and there is not many women in the U.S. who dress sexy like this especially during the day). An AFC or Feminist see a woman wearing a skirt and try to put her down by saying she looks like a slutty stripper, and as a man I would say that type of openly feminine woman who dresses sexy is attractive.

  13. I don’t think she is a lesbian, nor does she have some kind of serious psychological problem. I think she is just a strong idealist. She feels that men should be attracted to her based on personality instead of looks and is insuring she will find just that by removing anything about her that may be attractive about her based on her looks. Its her idealistic reaction to the attention she got by modeling in short skirts in the past and getting the drooling attention that she did.

    It would be like me in the past refusing to accept that women are attracted to status in men and purposely never getting and education to insure that I could screen out the women that were interested in me for superficial reasons.

    She needs the red pill.

  14. I see SW has tried to misconstrue you yet again…

    I don’t see what is so hard to understand about this.

    A square is a rectangle but not all rectangles are squares-

    Slutty is sexy but not all that is sexy is slutty

  15. Boys have been fantasizing about Emma since her teen years from Harry Potter until her early adult years. She was overexposed and in demand before she could have even figured out what to do in order to attract the men she really wanted to attract. If Emma never became a famous actress, I have no doubt that today she would have the long hair and the mini skirt for attracting males and competing with other females. In reality Emma does not have female competition today because most of the young males her age are beneath her perceived value and most men would sleep with her by cheating on their girlfriends just for bragging rights.

  16. Here’s an idea for you.

    What if wealthy, famous celebrity chicks can afford to handicap themselves because they already have half of what they would keep a man around for in the first place? If you have more money and status than you know what to do with you might be a little less concerned about finding a man to bring those things into your life. Not to mention, the wealthier and higher status you are it becomes more and more difficult to even find a man who could bring anything to the table for you. Think, a female CEO x10.

  17. Then again, unless you’re a lezbo you would have to be a fool to downplay your most important asset.

    What a waste….that’s all I have to say.

  18. Pook once wrote and interesting article that celebrity is not a woman but the opposite of it, I can’t seem to find it (was on his blog) but the basic sums of it is that a female celebrity loses her femininity in the process.

  19. Meh, she looked like a kid with that Hermione hair. Maybe she could have done something with it to make it more beautiful instead of cutting it, but her new look is somehow more appealing than the previous one.

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  22. Rollo,

    “Ahhh, we feel all better now precious? Did you get your weekend of vicariously pandered-for attention?”

    To whom where you referring to as ‘precious’? A commentor or Emma?

    [It was in response to Aunt Giggles “irritation” post]

  23. “Women don’t need to seduce men anymore.”

    Cleo and such other mags are based on the presumption that women feel insecure enough about their ability to arouse a man that they always have “sex tips” or “how to get him turned on” etc. Whether their tips are actually useful is a bit besides the point, I think that there is still the presumption that women are, if not the active seducers, then at least the ones who ought to be able to inspire desire in men and that this is something they need to improve. The competition anxiety continues to provoke this.

    “Sexy isn’t always slutty, but slutty is always sexy.”

    I don’t think so, you’re saying that a crack whore who has given a million blowjobs is sexy?

    ” Like all contemporary women, she wants to define what sexy should be for men using metrics that she is comfortable with. ”

    I think that’s ascribing too much to what she said. She said she doesn’t feel comfortable wearing that, and as much as a short skirt can work, wearing a short skirt badly or without desire to doesn’t work.

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  25. Agree that women are trying to change the very definition of sexy. Some women are trying to convince society (mostly men) that sexy is a short, pixie cut, that sexy is a woman’s many degrees from college (achievements) and that sexy is a woman in a pants suit (versus a dress).

    They are wrong on all counts…why?

    Because women don’t get to decide what men think and believe is sexy in a woman. It’s more bullshit from the F.I…..brainwashing at it’s finest.

  26. Love it. This answers my question in a lot of ways. Emma Watson has that same uncomfortable prepubescent non-sexuality going on. Those pictures of her with Tom Hanks in Esquire were SO uncomfortable. It was like an awkward teenager with her embarrassing dad. Yet we’re almost the exact same age.

    But what was female seduction in like, the Victorian Era? Or Colonial America? Just dressing feminine, behaving in a way men liked?

  27. my lady does NOT have a single clue of what seduction really encompasses.

    she thinks a trip to victoria secrets will fix the problem while i continue to tell her that wearing loose shorts and no bra… or wearing one of my t-shirts in panties is just as sexy as lingerie-IF YOU KNOW HOW TO ENTICE.

  28. My new girlfriend always cooks and cleans the house dressed and looking just like those 1950s housewife pinups, and I absolutely love it.

    Nowadays feminists have taught us to incorrectly reject this look as quaintly sexist. This is not just wrong, it’s actually in a way “evil’: presenting yourself to your partner in a sexy way is a natural, positive, healthy way of creating a stronger bond of partnership and expressing you care for them, and depriving your partner of this by not dressing ‘sexy’ drives a stake between the two of you.

    Sexy is really a state of mind of being mentally ‘connected’ to one’s natural sexuality; it’s not just about rotely looking the part (e.g. ‘wearing a mini-skirt’) – it’s a kind of ongoing unspken flirtation and mutual courtship in which you are expressing thinking naughty thoughts about your partner (and vice versa), and that you enjoy making them think naughty thoughts about you.

    My gf also regularly comes to bed topless, wears miniskirts and other sexy clothing daily, I love it. It’s made me come to dislike the stereotypical “lingerie” because seemingly most women see “lingerie” as something you wear once every 6 months but throw in the back of a closet the rest of the time, like my ex did … it’s wrong, the sexy stuff should be what you wear every day, or you don’t really have a relationship.

  29. I’ve noticed this phenomenon of society attempting to dictate what should be sexy to men manifest itself in another similar fashion – women who work out.

    I am not referring to the Instagram “fitness” models who do their “workouts” (e.g. squats, lunges, donkey-kicks, etc.) in tight leggings or booty-shorts, I am referring to the female bodybuilders / cross-fit types. You see the photos of these well-built females flexing, showing off their well-developed biceps, chiseled back muscles, and six-pack abs. Then you are told that this is what a real woman looks like (i.e. strength & muscles are sexy).

    The problem with this train of thought is that muscularity is a masculine trait. Muscular men are sexy, muscular women not so much. It follows the flawed logic of egalitarian equalism between the sexes, in this case being: “well if muscular men are sexy, then muscular women should be sexy too.”

    Unfortunately, what our fem-centric society fails to understand (or actively ignores) is that men aren’t looking for muscularity as a sign of attractiveness in women. When a man is assessing a woman’s level of attractiveness he is looking for cues such as: facial symmetry, slim & slender frame, waist-to-hip ratio, full or ample breasts, round & shapely booty, flat tummy etc. But should you be foolish enough to verbalize that fact, you are shamed for being a sexist pig or told that you are insecure for letting her muscles intimidate you.

    A woman who takes care of her body IS attractive, but no man is looking for six-pack abs, bulging biceps, and well-developed back muscles as prerequisites in a prospective mate.

  30. I disagree that women shouldn’t try to build some muscle. A skinny-fat chick isn’t great either.

    This woman is doing a balls to the wall compound lifts routine and is only perhaps slightly too muscular:

    Women think if they even look at a barbel they’ll turn in to the hulk. They simply don’t have the physiology for that.

    A lot of women would benefit from adding weights to their typical cardio bunny routine.

  31. Hey Rollo. I read this today, and then had a one hour dialogue with myself whilst mowing the lawn. What thought came to me was this: Some women I know, are in pristine shape physically, but do not embrace capitalising on those things that escalate them in the SMP. Should they choose to slip on a mini skirt and slap on a bit of make up, push their tits up, smack on eye lashes, and basically align themselves with the masculine sexual triggers, they would automatically escalate minimum 2, possibly 3 points on the average man’s HB10 scale. But they choose NOT to most of the time.

    As these women go about their lives in a very natural state, they don’t seem to get the extra attention that “Hot” girls get. They exude a true confidence that seems to automatically shut out betas, (or they know how to effectively deal with them in a smooth way) and thus allow genuinely confident, good guys who are not jerks, but mature, confident men who know what they want to gain access. Should these women occasionally get done up to be “Hot”, they elicit all the usual male attention, and male competition. But with a more natural, less “slutty” or overtly sexual style, understated, these women in this category cruise through life without all the usual crappy beta bullshit, and appear to end up with quality guys.

    So these women, and my brother’s wife is an example, have chosen to sell themselves on a different hidden part of the SMP. My brother is an amazing catch – business entrepreneur, artist, surfer, incredible cook, extremely socially dominant, extremely self confident, loving, caring, compassionate, intellectual, pretty handsome. (not as handsome as me, obviously lol). However, I suspect he doesn’t quite know his value. He’s always pursued monogamous, LTR. His wife, the woman of this story, is a dentist. She’s extremely street smart, intellectual, financially secure, etc. A very good catch, naturally attractive and confident, and when she does doll up, a solid hottie. No doubt she’s had her share of Alpha bad boys, but not rampantly. She’s played a long game on the SMP and it’s paid dividends. Her and my brother enjoy an amazing relationship, agreeing on many personal freedoms – albeit monogamous. They follow their own passions and purposes and come back together at the end of the day or week and share stories and ideas. Cook dinner, watch a movie, whatever. They are both very, very happy and content people, very busy, ambitious. I just cannot see hypergamy operating in this sphere – either my brother looking for something better, or his wife. Only a fairly major shift in the dynamic, or a major shift in the personality of either person may be the cause for a split – but I think that my brother would have every understanding of the change in dynamic, and an impending breakup either instigated by mutual agreement, or by either party, would definitely not come as a surprise because of the already apparent disruption to the ideal relationship.

    One of the common threads I pick up on through your writing, is that in almost all the cases you refer to where hypergamy is blatantly employed by the woman, the man had no idea it was coming. It really blows me away that the men are so oblivious to the state of the woman that they have no clue she is restless, or “checking out”. Just her behaviour should be enough to suggest something’s up – lack of sexual interest being a fairly major one. For all intents and purposes, a man doing the masculine job, will have an attracted woman – meaning her eye won’t even be on another prize, as she is content.

    I would say my brother is alpha. Not in the sense that he fucks as many girls as possible, but in that he has true, deep seeded self confidence, and knows what he wants. And he treats his woman with respect, but he still does what he wants, and isn’t on a feminine agenda. And his woman does what she wants and the things she needs to do to be fulfilled. And it works brilliantly.

    The point being, I feel that some of what I read on here, although I feel, is say true for 80% (nominal) there are a raft of other operating systems out there for both men and women, and some work amazingly well, but don’t seem to get the credit they deserve on this forum. I guess the point of this forum is to put a spotlight on hypergamy as a result of beta behaviour where the guy is locked in the feminist derived agenda of the matrix and clueless that he is not in control of anything, leaving the woman to find something better, and him completely oblivious that it was coming

    My parents embodied the perfect parents. a loving, monogamous relationship that brought me and my siblings up in a tight family unit. Quite the life. But as a result, that model was my only model to look up to, and I spent my years waiting in scarcity mode for the right woman to come along to emulate my parent’s relationship. I finally settled with the worst possible choice of woman due to the lonely old man syndrome and scarcity. I ignored the warnings of a LSE woman with massive baggage and issues, even violent tendencies. We had a child. It went drastically pear shaped, and resulted in a legal case that spanned nearly 3 years and cost me untold financial and emotional damage. All because I was aspiring to the feminine narrative that my dad apparently lived, that had worked so amazingly well for my parents that I wanted to repeat it. No-one taught me how to go and get women. Dad always said “Be yourself, they will find you”. The smug little bastard in his perfect relationship. He got lucky. He is clueless to fucking as many chicks as possible.

    What I didn’t realise was that his was a one in a million compatibility. Mum and dad WERE special. It just worked. Dad is an alpha guy of sorts, but definitely not a bad boy. Just very capable. He was never browbeaten by mum, they had a very equal relationship. Mum kind of wore the pants at times, but I think dad did as well. It was a really powerful dynamic – but it was all I knew – when every single one of my friends had split parents, it made mine look like angels. The decision making was shared, and the parents debated this or that around the dining table, and included kids as much as possible. It was very democratic. It just worked. It was truly about what would be in the best interest of the family. Dad made a lot of concessions and sacrifices for mum and the family, but so did mum, albeit less so – but it’s hard to say, she was very stoic. And she loved dad so much, and appreciated him beyond anything. As dad did her. There was no chance in hell she was looking for a better guy. Dad wasn’t rich, but he was skillful, resourceful, confident, and capable. And he doted on mum, and admired her beauty, her womanhood. It was a beautiful environment to grow up in. I feel very spoiled for that.

    Then comes me. Chasing this ideal relationship but always thinking something’s wrong. Because I’ve been living this kind of duplicity myself. All I’ve ever wanted to do is be the bad boy and make good girls complete sluts, but at the same time sending signals to women that I also wanted to be like Dad. Very confusing. I’ve layed somewhere between 40 and 60 women. so not the 300+ some of the PUAs hit, but solid enough. I realized I don’t want the monogamous relationship (yet). I want to have multiple women in my life at anyone time. I’m determined to master plate theory in all it’s glory before I settle down again. Learning to undo my belief systems that have confused my behavior towards women (and my own life!) is taking a long time to unravel, but I’m doing it and it feels good. But I just lost a solid 9 off rotation, who is 10 years my junior, because of my own confusion about what I wanted. She could have been EITHER an LTR potential, or a solid fuck, but not both. I had to choose, and I didn’t. She got confused and I shut down and I had to cut her off because I didn’t know what else to do to salvage her.

    Reading all your work today has really really helped me understand what’s been going on for me. Who I am, who I want to be, and where I am heading. I resonate strongly with all your insights, and I have to fight against my life experience of an opposite mating strategy role-modeled to me by my admirable father, and being lived out by my equally admirable brother. Both very strong influences demonstrating monogamous democratic relationships working very well within the feminine framework.

    Different strokes for different folks. I’m not my dad, and I’m just FINALLY figuring that out like a chump. I missed being the bad ass I could have been all through high school being “nice” to chicks. While they were fucking, I was dreaming of fucking. Just no-one taught me how. So much remorse, but I want to make up for it now. I’m occasionally fucking cute 18 year olds and I’m 43, and I don’t give a fuck. I have a child, I don’t ever want to go through nappies and that shit again it makes me want to vomit when I see it. I want to try and engineer an ongoing polygamous set up of about 3 high quality women. I’ve a long way to go to master this alpha “fuck what I want shit”, but I’m working on it, and getting somewhere.

    Thanks for all your work on this. It’s much appreciated. I hope to also help as many men as possible once I myself have mastered what I need to. Not sure how, but I will definitely want to prevent anyone missing out on so much the SMP has to offer like I missed out.

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