Mr. Perfect

Rational reader Edger had an interesting question:

“Rollo, I don’t get it. Why would a woman stay with a guy she knows is a chump?  I find it interesting how women will stay with their boyfriend’s/husband’s regardless if they’re AFC. Yea, there will be those guys who will say they get with these men for their money, or stay with them for financial security, but come on, we all know women will generally ONLY give their intimacy to men who have their game down tight and fit the profile – doesn’t matter how much they make. We know you don’t need to make a lot of money to get laid or to develop relationship with a woman. I have seen many many dudes who have had shit, develop long term relationships with hot women. But to be more specific, how do these AFC’s get with these women in the first place if they’re AFC’s to begin with? This is where it gets confusing..”

Why would a woman stay with an AFC? A lot of reasons actually, but there are some commonalities.

First, there’s the guy that was once the Jerk, who had been attractive enough, or played the role well enough, to get involved with a woman who successfully “changed” him. And in an effort to better identify with what she’s convinced him (and herself) that he ought to be living up to, he reverts to being an AFC in the relationship. She can’t complain because he’s changed into what she thought she was supposed to want in a guy, but he’s turned into the kind of guy she’d never have been attracted to if she were to meet him while single. So she stays with him up until the point that she meets another Jerk who she wants to fuck and eventually ‘fixes’ him too.

Second, lets not forget that some of the most wealthy and physically attractive men also happen to be the biggest AFCs you’ll ever meet. I realize that sounds odd, but the wealthy man and the attractive man have little to prompt them to re-think their own behaviors. Because they are more readily rewarded with female intimacy, there’s less reason to question the framework of intergender relations, and / or their own predispositions and conditionings that would make them AFCs.

I once worked with this guy named Jake who was model quality good looking. He had no trouble with attracting women, and most would simply approach him, but Jake was probably the biggest AFC tool I’d ever met. He used to constantly complain that he couldn’t get a girlfriend or keep a girl interested in him, even though he was tapping beautiful women every other weekend. Once he opened his mouth and spilled his life story out on the restaurant table on the first date these girls would run for the hills. He literally had ONEitis for ANY girl he was dating at the time and swallowed hook, line and sinker the soul-mate mythology. He tried to be friends, tried to be sensitive, tried to be funny, tried to be savior and every other AFC technique in the book, but all this did was push these women away from him. They enjoyed being fucked by the guy, but when he started up the ice cream cones and puppy dogs, cuddle-bitch mentality, they moved on to other guys.

In other words AFCs aren’t all dorks and geeks, and being attractive doesn’t insulate you from internalizing stupid, feminized romanticisms. Nice Guys may finish last, but that doesn’t mean they don’t finish at all, and some manage to get laid occasionally along the way.

Mr. Perfect

The problem with guys like Jake is that they strive to fit a feminine-centric idealization. They want to be perfect for her.

Quoted from Mr. Right Does Not Exist:

Three in four women believe there is no such thing as the perfect man, with most seeing their partner as only 69 per cent perfect.

The poll of 2,000 women showed more than 75 per cent believed the perfect man did not exist.

It seems that women are actually quite realistic on what they look for from their partner.

“While they might happily overlook a few common flaws from their guys, there are certain behaviors that men just won’t get away with.” The results showed one in five women think their partner only pretends to listen to them while leaving clothes on the bedroom floor and snoring were among other gripes. The perfect man would be expected to make an effort with his partner’s friends, avoid using her toothbrush, stay clean-shaven and not be lazy.

Feel free to read the rest if you can stomach it. I realize this is a sugary breakfast cereal of an article, but it serves to establish a point,…

Perfect is Boring.

Say that again, Perfect is boring. It seems counterintuitive, but it’s your imperfection that makes you attractive. There’s an implied, ambient confidence that’s radiated from a Man who knows what a woman’s stated ideal of perfection would be and yet refuses to embody it for her. That underlying message to her is “I know you hate having the toilet seat left up, but I’m supremely confident enough in your attraction, and other women’s attraction,  to me that I’ll ignore your silly pet peeves rather than pander to them.” It’s the guy who engages in this pandering by attempting to be a woman’s stated ideal who sends the message that he is really optionless. It’s essentially a failed meta-shit test. It says to her that he’ll be a willing participant in his own manipulation.

As I’ve written in prior posts, women will never substantively appreciate the efforts a man makes to facilitate her reality. A feminine-centric reality means that any extraneous attempt he makes to appease her will be interpreted as the normative. It’s just expected that he’ll do her bidding, because that’s just what guys are supposed to do. Yet it is the Man who refuses, either consciously or as a matter of course, to engage in trying to appease her who holds women’s attentions the most. If there is a categoric Alpha trait it’s just this obliviousness to the wants of a fem-centric norm.

Mr. Perfect doesn’t get extra points for being perfect because the aspects of that “perfection” is the expected norm. It’s boring because it’s mundane. The problem of a feminized norm is that it makes feminine similarities between the genders the ideal state. It ignores, willfully or otherwise, that biomechanics has evolved an appreciation for the differences in the genders to be primarily attractive to the other. The more like we become – men becoming feminine, women becoming masculine – the more we lose that innate attraction. This goes for the aspects we both love and hate about the other gender.

In defying this inborn attraction, and making attempts to socialize it to better fit the feminine sensibility, we grate against what is really characteristic of each gender. In the natural world Men will be Men and despite the protestations, women really don’t want it any other way.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

9 comments on “Mr. Perfect

  1. Because it fits her prime agenda/objective of a provider giving her higher status (for increasing HER status/Value so she looks like she is in a stable relationship to her family and friends, money, pocketbooks, shoes, car, house, kids). To a woman sex is only a means to this end result (hence, less sex once married because she used it to get this objective she really wanted, then if the AFC doesn’t maintain this agenda she can divorce him and to the victor goes the spoils, either way she gets what she wants). She will fuck an Alpha man (who usually does not have a lot of money), but she will live with a feminized-Beta provider (who usually has the money to buy her a house, etc). The AFC thinks he has to give her all this to get the end result of the sex he wants, but by doing this he has given up his power and played into her hands (there will be decreasing amounts of sex) and he lost. The man with Game knows this game, avoids this trap, plays the game and wins.

    As a man, never complain because it appears like weakness. As a man, do not try to please a woman (doing things that she wants you to do that you do NOT really want to do) because she will not appreciate it anyway, it will make you miserable, it will not make her happy, and it makes you look weak. Do not let any woman turn you into an AFC.

  2. Men don’t play perfect because they want sex. They play perfect because they want to be idealized by their woman.

    Men objectify women at first, and then gradually idealize them in a LTR.

    Women prefer to start relationships with men they initially idealize, then subconsciously gradually objectify them as the gloss wears off.

    Sex is present at every stage.

    The benefits of being idealized by women are immensely gratifying. This is when girls start saying things like, ‘dancing with you doesn’t feel like dancing with anyone else.’ The problem is guys really have no clue how to achieve this, so they AFC date dance.

    As a side note, here’s a half-baked theory of mine: the recipe for idealization is a combination of alpha hook (sometimes attitude and social skills, usually an identity thing like ‘he’s a dj, we’re the same race, he plays baseball,’ etc.) and ambient, contextual ‘x.’ x is not betaness, which is a PUA meme right now, because betaness is supplication. x is real-time emotional connection/communication and its expression in dialog and body language that compels a positive feeling of ‘we’re special.’

    For fun attractive guys, running with an alpha attitude is easy. Done, case closed, here’s your diploma, enjoy your diminishing returns from the game community. It’s achieving a high degree of x with very attractive women in the short period of time you have their attention when you’re out at night that’s challenging. Being a genuinely awesome alpha is good game, but it doesn’t make you a PUA. If the PUA community can progress and figure out how to create x as well, then we’d all be getting laid more. However, with the rise of inner game as the right way to achieve alpha demeanor, we’ve abandoned the social hacks of Mystery’s day which were really just rudimentary repeatable experiments in surfacing x.

  3. Sex= biological.
    Gender= conditioned and heavy cultural context
    Please use the proper term in the proper place or what you are trying to communicate doesn’t make sense.

  4. P.S. Don’t use biological arguments when making a social based complaint. Your problem is with changing social gender identity values not basic biology.

  5. I didn’t realize what a great post this was until this morning, hearing my ex girlfriend of 6months. Go on and on about her current boyfriend of 1yr and how “imperfect” he is. What I could tell was her hamster was running trying to solve this problem, the addiction of one that doesn’t submit to Perfect.

    My question is, this, he but the burden of where to go, and what to do with her on mothers day. There is a fine line between “Mr Perfect”, and “Just Gets it”.

    Anyhow, this is interesting.

  6. Pingback: A New Hope |

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