From The Myth of the Quality Woman:
Back when he had a terrestrial radio show Tom Leykis did a topic about this: He had everyday women call in and tell their stories of how they used to be sexually (i.e. slutty) and how they are now. He came up with this after driving past a grade school on his way to the studio and seeing all of the women there waiting for their kids to come out and wondered about what their lives used to be like in their childless 20s. This was a wildly popular topic and the confessions just poured in like all of these women had been waiting for years to come clean anonymously about the sexual past that their husbands would never dream they were capable of. Each of these women sounded proud of themselves, almost nostalgic, as if they were some kind of past accomplishments.
This is why I laugh at the concept of the Quality woman. Don’t misinterpret that as a “women = shit” binary opinion. I mean it in the sense that most guy’s concept of a quality woman is an unrealistic idealization. There’s not a guy in the world who committed to monogamy with a woman who didn’t think she was ‘quality’ when he was with her. Even if she was a clinical neurotic before he hooked up with her, she’s still got “other redeeming qualities” that make her worth the effort. It’s only afterwards when the world he built up around her idealization comes crashing down in flames that she “really wasn’t a Quality Woman.”
The Schism
An interesting internal schism occurs for women during the latter half of the Security and through the Developmental Phase. The first aspect of this psychological schism is a drive for an unalterable sense of security. As she matures, the priority for an enduring security intensifies with each child she bears and / or each life incident where that degree of security is tested.
For the married woman who consolidated upon her best available provider male, this intensification usually manifests itself as a ceaseless series of shit testing, not only over his capacity to consistently deliver an ever increasing need for that provisioning, but also the Alpha suitability she convinced herself that he would mature into later. The primary conflict for her during these phases is that her provider male’s SMV Alpha potential never quite looks like or compares with the idealized memories of the Alpha men she entertained in her party years.
I’ve written several essays regarding the dynamics of the Alpha Widow, but at no other phase of a woman’s life is she more prone to mourning a prior Alpha lover than when she enters the Developmental stage. This is when the security a woman was so incensed to in her Epiphany Phase becomes a burden, but still a necessity of her life. Unless a man has reinvented himself and capitalized on his SMV potential so significantly as to separate himself from the prior impression of ‘providership acceptability’ a woman initially expected of him, five minutes of Alpha experience will always trump 5-10 years of Beta dedication.
If women can realize the Alpha Fucks aspect of hypergamy during her party years, and then realize the Beta Bucks aspects of hypergamy after the Epiphany Phase, then the internal schism a woman experiences in her Developmental phase becomes the difference between her reconciling those two aspects within the man she’s currently paired with.
The second aspect of this schism is a marked re-interest in the Alpha attributes of either the man she’s currently paired with, or the Alpha attributes of men outside that pairing. This side of the schism is particularly frustrating for both Alpha and Beta men paired to a woman experiencing it.
Deal with It
The more an Alpha man actualizes his SMV potential – through maintained (or improved) looks, career, maturity, affluence, status, etc. – the more a woman’s need for enduring security becomes threatened as her SMV consistently decays in comparison. A woman’s logical response to this new form of competition anxiety usually manifests in two ways.
The first being an intense motivation to domineer and control her relationship by placing herself in a dominant role. She assumes (or attempts to assume) headship of the marriage / relationship by way of convenient conviction or from a self-created sense of her husband’s (really all men’s) untrustworthiness bolstered by social conventions that insist women need to be the head of the house (i.e. “she’s the real boss, heheh”). Her insecurity about her own comparative SMV manifests in her demanding he ‘do the right thing’ and limit his SMV potential for the sake of a more important role as her (and their family’s) dutiful provider.
Of course the problem with this is that a man acquiescing to such dominance not only loses out on his capacity to maximize his SMV peak potential, but also confirms for his wife that his status isn’t as Alpha as he’s confident it is. This Alpha disenfranchisement will play a significant part in a woman’s Redevelopment phase.
The second logical response is apathy and resentment. A disconnect from her SMV peaking mate may seem like a woman’s resigning herself to her non-competitive SMV fate, but it serves the same purpose as a woman’s insistence for relational dominance – an assurance of continued security and provisioning as the result of his limiting his SMV potential. This apathy is, by design, paired with the guilt that her mate is more focused on his own self-development than the importance he should be applying to her and any family. The result becomes one of a man chasing his own tail in order to satisfy this passive insecurity and failing passive shit tests.
In either instance the seeds of a man’s decline are rooted in his ability to identify this schism in relation to how it aligns with his SMV potential at the same time it affects his long term partner. The problem with the schism is that for all the limitations a woman would emplace against a man actualizing his SMV potential, the same limitations will also constitute a significant part of her justification for being dissatisfied with him during her Redevelopment phase.
Redevelopment / Reinsurance
The Redevelopment phase can either be a time of relational turmoil or one of a woman reconciling her hypergamous balance with the man she’s paired with.
The security side of this hypergamous balance has been established for her long term satisfaction and the Alpha reinterest begins to chafe at the ubiquitous certainty of that security. Bear in mind that the source of this certainty need not come from a provider male. There are a lot of eventualities to account for. It may come from a ‘never married’ woman’s capacity to provide it for herself, the financial support levied from a past husband(s) or father(s) of her children, government subsidies, family money, or any combination thereof.
In any event, while security may still be an important concern, the same security becomes stifling for her as she retrospectively contemplates the ‘excitement’ she used to enjoy with former, now contextually Alpha, lovers, or perhaps the “man her husband used to be”.
Dalrock has long covered the topic of women entering the Eat, Pray, Love phase very well, coining the term “She was unhaaaaaappy,..” This is the justification call of for women entering the Redevelopment phase.
Depending on when she consolidated on long term monogamy, her kids are at, or almost at an age of real independence. It may even be at the “20 year itch” empty nest stage I described in the last essay, but there is a fundamental reassessment of the man she’s paired with and how his now realized SMV potential has either proved a good bet, or a disastrous misstep. And as with the various prior phases of maturity, she finds there are convenient social conventions already pre-established for her to help justify the decisions she’ll make as a result of this reassessment.
The binding, cooperative arrangements of childrearing that necessitated her drive for security gradually decrease in importance, giving way to a new urgency – pairing with someone “she really connects with” before her (imagined or otherwise) SMV / looks are entirely spent on the provider male she now loathes the idea of spending a future with. This is the turning point at which most Beta men, hopefully reliant upon the false notions of Relational Equity, find themselves on the sharp end of the feminine hypergamy they cognitively dissociated themselves from for a lifetime.
It’s not all doom and gloom however. Depending upon a woman’s degree of self-awareness and realism about her late-stage SMV, the decision may simply be one of pragmatism – she understands she’s with the man who can now best embody a hypergamic balance for her in the long term – or she genuinely has a long term (feminine defined) love and affinity for the man she’s paired with, who finally Just Gets It. Other considerations factor in as well; it’s entirely possible his SMV peak will endure longer than her reassessment of him will take to determine, religious conviction may play a (albeit sometimes convenient) part in this reassessment, or she may realistically assess her own SMV as decayed to a point where staying with her provider male is her only tenable option.
There’s an interesting trend in the divorcing schedules of Baby Boomers that strongly correlate with this Redevelopment phase reassessment I’ve described here – it’s called Grey Divorce:
Americans over 50 are twice as likely to get divorced as people of that age were 20 years ago.
Jim Campbell, 55, of Boulder, Colo., says he and his wife grew apart after 34 years together. “The No. 1 best thing in common that my ex-wife and I had was raising kids,” Campbell says. When their two sons grew up, he says, “we just didn’t have enough activities, passions, interests that were in common. And when the boys were gone, that just became more and more — to me — obvious.”
As is the wont for a feminized media, the focus is on men who divorce their wives, but statistically it’s women who initiate over 70% of all divorces. It’s important to bear that in mind when considering the psychological impetus for women’s Redevelopment phase. In spite of that oversight, the ‘grey divorce’ stats dovetail with this mid-late life reassessment.
In the interest of fairness, a woman can also find herself forced into this Redevelopment as the result of a man who’d come to realize his SMV peak and became actively aware of how hypergamy had influenced his decisions for him. There is a minority of men who take the red pill or otherwise and exit a marriage they’d been ‘settled’ on for, or they may in fact want to redevelop themselves for the same reasons women make the reassessment and capitalize on what value their SMV has.
Regardless of how she comes to it, nothing is more daunting for a woman than to reenter the sexual market place at such a severe disadvantage. After the Wall, women dread the idea of having to start over in a sexual market place in which they are grossly outmatched, so even the slightest deviation from the ‘security forever’ script becomes a major ego threat. If that security is more or less assured, there are feminine social conventions ready to make that prospect more palatable. ’40 is the new 30′, “you still got it”, and of course the strong independent woman® brand offers a plan for ‘cougardom’.
Depending on a woman’s relative SMV (that is to say amongst her generation’s peers) she may entertain these convention more or less successfully, but this reinvention of a woman’s party years, still suffers from a need to reestablish a semblance of security after a point. While it may be ‘exciting’ to relearn how to maneuver in a new SMP, the underlying desire is still one of security.
Late Phase Security
Finally we come full circle and back to, an albeit new interpretation of, the same security a woman sought after her Epiphany Phase. During this late phase, that may last from a woman’s late 40’s, 50’s or even indefinitely, as a result of an inevitable SMV decay, the security side of a woman’s hypergamy swings into its final, permanent, position. It’s important to make the distinction that this security isn’t necessarily founded on financial provisioning, but rather an emotional, intimate dependence and acceptance for a woman from an acceptably masculine man – often in spite of a past that she would rather be (expects to be) forgiven for by virtue of her age and her perceived experiences.
While she may experience some desire to live vicariously through the experiences her now grown daughters or younger female friends in various phases themselves, her message to them is one of precaution, but tempered with the subconscious awareness of how hypergamy has set the frame for her past. This is the phase during which (hypocritically) women tend to cognitively rewrite their past for what they believe should be the benefit of younger women.
As an aside, I should point out that with the advent of the internet and the permanency of all things digital, this is becoming increasingly more difficult for mid-life women.
This is the phase during which a woman not only desires secure acceptance of who she is from a suitable man, but it’s also the phase she attempts to create a secure social paradigm for herself. To be sure this drive is firmly couched in a woman’s innate solipsism, but her desire for security extends beyond a want for her own personal, assured security, and to woman-kind in whole.
Women in this phase may be concerned for the futures of their daughters – and sons who may come into contact with women following the same hypergamic paradigm she used on their fathers – but the concern is voiced for society and women as a whole. Rarely is this social concern an admission or testament of her own regret, but rather it’s something she must address to reconcile the parts of her past, the undeniable results of her hypergamy, that she can’t escape.
Once menopause ensues that retrospective need becomes more urgent.
Conclusion
I understand that this series probably wont address particular personal issues some readers will want it to, but that’s what comment threads are for. As I stated when I started this series, I could probably write a more comprehensive book about this entire process – I may do just that at some point.
I also understand that while I can provide this outline, it doesn’t really go in depth into how a man might use this knowledge to his best advantage with a particular woman. However, my hope is that it will put certain behaviors and mindsets you find in a woman, and how they align or don’t align with this outline, into something more understandable for your individual experience. This is in no way comprehensive or meant to account for every woman’s circumstance, but rather to help a man with what he can expect in various phases.
It’s preventative medicine, not a cure to any particular disease.
Thanks for sticking with this.
RT
April 17th, 2014 at 1:46 pm
Well, you could continue to put together yearly collections as well as write separate books. So, this series would be part of the Year Three book, but be more fully developed in its own book.
Or
You could enhance the yearly books by including new information not found in the blog entries. In that case, the Year Three book would have your further elaborations that were never posted.
Or
You could make this topic the focus of your Year Three book by writing new blog posts on your expansion of it. Those new blog posts would also be included in the Year Three book.
You might even find it helpful to get someone else to do the editing and compilation of the Year Two book to free up your time for writing. And, that way, you’d catch up a year and books would be released shortly after the anniversaries.
Just some thoughts.
April 17th, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Rollo – I think there is a *huge* empty void in the marketplace for a full-length book. A book that is the go-to for guys who are thinking about tying the knot.
As in a wise older mentor/brother/friend/uncle approaching the lovestruck young buck and saying, in hushed tones: “before you propose/go through with the wedding, read this book ‘Preventative Medicine’ by Rollo Tomassi” with a slight nod and a wry smile.
I’m not aware of any book that serves this purpose that isn’t risibly chock full of bullshit.
E-books are popular, but they are a dime a dozen. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but there’s still power in seeing a book in print sitting on a coffee table or book shelf and physically reaching for it, picking it up, and opening it up for perusal.
You’ve acknowledged a couple times that to do this series justice, it would have to be fleshed out far beyond the ‘tl;dr’ attention span of the median blog reader. There are a lot of directions in which to expand this content without redundancy. Of course, those of us who are extremely familiar with your work will find some redundancy – which is to be expected and goes with the territory – expanding your audience is always a good thing.
I think once a book exceeds 120-130 pages, it can credibly be deemed a full-length book. You could go in meta-direction of publishing other topical books of this length with greater topical specificity. And you could sell them for 6-7 bucks, and it would still be a bargain and at an accessible price point for the skeptically curious.
With that said, I’d make a strong suggestion to take the time to make this a full-length book.
April 17th, 2014 at 8:22 pm
@Star-Lord – the purpose of my life is not to make a woman happy or to provide her with substance to maintain her fairytale illusion.
I have said this type of thing many times to women. I cannot make a woman happy, only she can do this. The best that I can do is enhance her existing inner happiness. This is ironic given that many women proudly proclaim their independence and at the same time are desperately looking for a man who will make her happy.
@Rollo – if you would, please make this series a separate e-book. In my opinion this deserves to be fleshed out in its entirety as a standalone rather than relegated to an effective subnote in a longer work.
————————
Regarding this Matt Forney/Sunshine Mary thing: I am torn. The whole thing seems to be degenerating into a bunch of sniping he-said-she-said drama worthy of a bunch of mangina’s. Standing up and looking at the overall drama and horseshit going on, I’m starting to think of this as the manginasphere.
On the other hand, long ago she knowingly walked into a manspace where guys tell it like we see it. She’s not a bloody virgin to us lot and how we act. By now I would have expected her to have grown a thick skin and put her big girl panties on, instead of having a tantie and throwing her toys out of the f’ing sandbox because someone hurt her feeeeeelings.
To SSM: Grow up woman, I’m not giving you the pussy pass to excuse childish behaviour. Nor am I impressed with your attempt to control the narrative by exercising your “feminine privilege” to cry until someone pats you on the head and gives you a sweetie to shut you up. You’re in a manspace, we’ll give you a belt around the arse – like we do to each other, to toughen each other up.
Suck it up and deal with it, or get out permanently. Just remember: the more you wail and cry and try to invoke your woman’s privilege, the more you’re pissing us off and the more you’ll get the belt around the arse.
April 17th, 2014 at 10:08 pm
@ BlackPoisonSoul
From SSM: “I would like to let readers know that I have reached the very difficult decision to stop writing my blog. This is a sad and hard post for me to write, but I feel that an explanation ought to be given here. I have been the victim of a vicious (and needless) smear campaign; this is not a problem per se, but my children have been brought into it and their safety and security has been compromised. As a mother, I cannot continue to write this blog if it endangers my family.”
Did you notice what was, and was not, a problem?: “I have been the victim of a vicious (and needless) smear campaign; this is not a problem per se, but my children have been brought into it and their safety and security has been compromised. As a mother, I cannot continue to write this blog if it endangers my family”
You can read the rest here: http://sunshinemarydragon.wordpress.com/2014/04/11/a-sad-good-bye/
I find it really bizarre that I should be the one defending her, since I am not a Christian, and I was not pleased by some of what she wrote about unbelievers.
But I suppose it is because I find liars immeasurably more objectionable than the occasionally self-righteous.
I found her blog very valuable, because I could watch how a woman who is actually trying to be good thinks and reacts, and I am going to miss her, both because of who she was and what she wrote.
She was willing to admit when she was wrong, like about the FI, and she was quite reasonable, for a woman. Deti and Rollo had to repeat the same thing only a few hundred times times for it to finally sink in.
It seems that truth should be an issue, at least as far as the actions of the Manosphere buffoon and huckster, and whether he should remain endorsed by association, if not his two females, of now questionable everything, who created this whole needless mess, and who are poster children for:
sunshinemaryandthedragon[]wordpress[]com/2014/03/23/trashing-the-destructive-behavior-of-women-in-groups/
April 18th, 2014 at 12:09 am
^hm… I know I got into it with SSM over her tactics of attacking whores and prostitutes for being what they are. Her self-righteousness was really disturbing because she is Christian, and Jesus was merciful to fallen women. It’s weird I have compassion for her over this strange scandal… whether she was fooling everyone or not, she is still a person. I think that when you go after people like she did (brutally attacking people when they are down), you kind of get the same treatment eventually. I know I have in my life, and I’ve seen many others have the same – it’s not karma, it’s just how (imo) God works. He gives us all a dose of our own medicine.
Maybe she’ll be back. For a writer like that, I doubt that she’ll be able to truly stay away.
April 18th, 2014 at 1:14 am
@ girlwithadragonflytattoo
“I think that when you go after people like she did (brutally attacking people when they are down), you kind of get the same treatment eventually.”
Could you provide links to some specific examples of this, “brutally attacking people when they are down”?
And “scandal” is not the proper word to use here, as applying to everyone involved. There is a difference between her and her opponents, you know, the ones who fabricated and misrepresented.
I recall that she was accused of “of attacking whores and prostitutes for being what they are”, when she used Bible verses as a basis for what such women need to do, to stop being what they are and become something better.
You should at least be clear about which part is her nature, and which part is her religion.
I am not religious, and certainly no Bible scholar, but I am pretty sure that, after “Jesus was merciful to fallen women”, He said something like “now go and sin no more”, and not “keep on fucking and being what your are”.
By the way, you will need to be a shitload more subtle, if you want to convince people that you “have compassion”, lulz, amateur.
April 18th, 2014 at 7:35 am
I also have an engineer tale.
While still in school, we had a late spring snowstorm during class. One of the engineering students had his fender crushed by someone else leaving the parking spot ahead of him (curbside parking). He’s standing there with a bunch of his chums, and they are all pondering what to do about this, as they had to get to work.
i come by, and ask if he’s got a bumper jack (this was back when most cars did), and proceeded to pull out the fender so that he could steer. one of these mental giants then commented “I didn’t know you could do that!”
This is just one reason why I am a strong advocate for the European system of engineering education: you have to work successfully in the field for several years before they let you train to be an engineer. By doing so , you let reality in/
Yes, I know this is an article about women getting older and losing interest in sex, but too many of us men are in the state of the engineering students I cite above: We didn’t get the kind of experiences we needed to do something about an apparent problem until someone who had that kind of experience came on the scene and showed us what was possible.
April 18th, 2014 at 8:11 am
@blurkel, yes, partly it is due to missing out on the experiences, but partly it is due to too much serenity in the belief that “someone” will bail them out. I bet in both our examples the person would have figured it out if they were stuck on a deserted highway w/o phone service.
April 18th, 2014 at 8:14 am
Matrix-wise, we’ve made it easy for women to live their lives this way. I think the only possible way to get women to tend to live a different kind of life is to make living this way as uncomfortable as possible. But since even slut shaming is off the table, I don’t see what tools we have left except apocalyptic.
April 18th, 2014 at 8:39 am
@gwadragonflytattoo
I respect religious people who show their religiiousity through their actions. Those who have to orate their religiousity are posers who only fool themselves with their pompous verbiage.
April 18th, 2014 at 9:41 am
hmm… Eon she didn’t just use bible verses to condemn people… she loved (enjoyed) and constantly engaged in “slut-shaming,” and encouraged her followers and commenters to do that kind of disturbing harassment/bullying as well (which means she not only did something really disturbing and sinful, she actually led other people to think that slut-shaming is biblical and right… she led people astray… purposefully. It’s actually one of the worst things a leader can do, and leaders are always under pressure, and will always be judged (by God and by people) harsher because of their great influence. When you have that many stats and readers that she did, you have a responsibility to do things right, to lead people in the right direction. I’m sorry it’s hard for you to hear, but she really messed up, and God doesn’t let his own children get away with things like that. It isn’t good for us to get away with behavior like that, we don’t grow and become better people.
And yes, it may sound strange that I actually feel compassion for her – because I really did get into it with her in a cat fight kind of way lol… she really disgusted me in her self-righteousness.
But I truly do feel for her. And like I said, I’m sure she’ll be back, hopefully better and wiser for what she’s now been through.
April 18th, 2014 at 10:30 am
blurkel, Euro engineering experience at its finest would have persuaded the savvy student to get a French-made car.
That fender would simply have dropped off onto the pavement at the slightest nudge. Probleme, officier?
April 18th, 2014 at 12:15 pm
@ girlwithadragonflytattoo
“hmm… Eon she [SSM] didn’t just use bible verses to condemn people… she loved (enjoyed) and constantly engaged in “slut-shaming,” and encouraged her followers and commenters to do that kind of disturbing harassment/bullying as well (which means she not only did something really disturbing and sinful, she actually led other people to think that slut-shaming is biblical and right… she led people astray… purposefully. … but she really messed up, and God doesn’t let his own children get away with things like that. It isn’t good for us to get away with behavior like that, we don’t grow and become better people.”
.
So, the reason why you are upset with SSM is because you think that slut-shaming is bad. And that God [of the Bible] “doesn’t let his own children get away with” trying to induce women to not be sluts.
But religious people are not the only ones who think that being a slut is physically and psychologically damaging to women.
And, if women actually think that being a slut is a good thing, then how could it be possible to “shame” them?
When a woman “accuses” me of being something that I choose to be, I proudly and generously tell her: “Thank you for noticing. Lotsa cockas 4 U!”
In any case, if people have a problem with what she actually said, then they should state their objections clearly, like you did, and let everything stand on its own merits.
What you did here was honorable.
What the other people did, trying to smear her with falsifications and misrepresentations, was not honorable at all.
If their thoughts and arguments are so stupid and unsupportable that they are embarrassed to present them clearly, instead, then they should just sit down and STFU.
April 18th, 2014 at 12:19 pm
So! I have finally located that last Edsel’s owner!
April 18th, 2014 at 1:27 pm
Rollo,
Since you asked, here’s what I’d like to see: I purchased your first book and enjoyed it thoroughly. I remarried last year, and its content helps prevent me from losing attraction. There are several men (young & old) I know well who I’m motivated to share the original RM with. But I hesitate because of the references to some of the PUA sites and the quotes from blog commentators identified only by their handles. I think you could reach a larger audience and make this important message accessible to more men with a more (sorry to say) mainstream presentation. In other words, write it like the internet never existed.
April 18th, 2014 at 2:58 pm
@bbb
One of the best things about getting older is that the male sex drive also diminishes.
We must have different definitions of older. I’m in my mid 40’s and while not as peppy as when I was 17 (hell, that’s true of any random 23 year old as well), the drive is still very, very strong. Weight training produces higher T and I have other high T habits and hobbies, so that likely explains it. That said, lower drive in “older” men my age is likely due to men doing nothing now but sitting at home waiting hand and foot on wifey and his kids, having no male contact to speak of outside of work, being out of shape and eating horribly. Just a guess.
My grandfather was pounding out nearly daily at the age of 74 with his “young” wife who was 55 or so (he remarried after my grandmother died). I know this because he’d chuckle sometimes and reference “need to take that woman back to the workbench again” (his euphemism for bedding women).
@Rollo
A standalone real book would be fantastic. Believe it or not, this doesn’t seem to be a tl;dr crowd you have here. In depth analysis and theory is quite welcomed in my opinion, it gives our little space of the internet depth and rigor.
April 18th, 2014 at 3:39 pm
@ girlwithadragonflytattoo
Slut shaming is GOOD. There needs to be a stigma attached to women losing control of themselves.
April 18th, 2014 at 4:30 pm
Im going to echo what others have said: definitely include it in its own book. I find that books are extremely helpful for train rides (both metro and cross country). Internet service will be spotty at best, and sometimes there is no one I want to hit on, so a book is perfect to keep boredom at bay.
I took married man sex life with me on one of the 15 hour train rides I’ve had to make.
This series is just too good to not dedicate an entire book too. You’re covering ground that has only really been indirectly addressed elsewhere…and even then not extensively.
April 18th, 2014 at 4:34 pm
Can someone fill me in on the term “passive shit testy?” The term seems to make sense, but I wasn’t too be clear since I think it describes what I’m seeing.
April 18th, 2014 at 5:22 pm
I differentiate shit tests into active and passive.
Active shit tests are what most guys are most familiar with. PUAs have written extensively on how to defuse, deal with, and/or recover from the most common of these because they tend to be variation on common themes. They’re easily identifiable.
Passive tests come primarily from women you’re involved in an LTR with (as well as from female relatives) and are much more subtle. That’s not to say the overt type aren’t still delivered, but the nature of the tests are different. Whereas an active test coming from a woman you’re not (as) familiar with can be redirected with Agree & Amplify, Amused Mastery, etc. they tend to be tests of determining personality and social intelligence (Just Getting It) in order to filter for a short term potential mate. Passive tests, though more subtle and nuanced, are generally meant to determine long term acceptable of hypergamic optimization.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:13 pm
” hyperemic optimization” .. say wut?
We had one o’ them once, but the main flywheel broke.
I guess you mean it’s like what the Wee-Man-Formerly-Known-As sang ..
Maybe you’re just like my mother
She’s never satisfied (She’s never satisfied)
Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like – when doves cry
April 18th, 2014 at 6:25 pm
@Tam, my vocab gets a workout on these sites, probably more than ever before in my life. And the concepts! Acceptably *optimized* engorgement! “Lessee if it’s optimized yet.”
April 18th, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Given that girl game is NOT about attracting men, but rather about rejecting undesired men in faster/better/cheaper ways, it occurs to me that shit testing fulfills dual purposes as girl game. If the man fails the test and goes away, that’s good. And if the man fails the test but sticks around to eat more of her guff, that’s even better, since now he’s made it clear he’ll be a fine beta orbiter.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:41 pm
@Tam, damn iPhone fingers.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:46 pm
Slut shaming is a means to control women’s behavior as much as “Man-up!” is a means of controlling men’s behavior–both induce forms of guilt and punishment.
Personally the more I learn about the female persuasion the more jaded I get. I love women and love to love women; however, it is becoming more difficult to see women as long-term partners. The inevitable battle with hypergamy, the notorious Hamster, typical emotional swings, etc. The time it takes to screen out the good ones, the seemingly declining number of “good ones”.
TV delivers so many bad messages to women. The ideas it puts into their heads about reality, gender roles and relationships is scary. I won’t go into how men are portrayed. Look at movies and TV shows. Women assert themselves often through violence when dealing with men. The message is the same…men by default want to suppress you. This topic would do well with its own post. A lot of women eat these themes and memes up and it affects the relationship dynamic between both sexes.
Women are number 3 on my list these days behind health and fitness and personal fulfillment through setting and reaching goals. Any man who has his priorities in line will attract women; moreover, for the man with Game.
Perhaps it is time to get back out there and sharpen my skill set again. I nearly forgot the handful of great ladies that were waiting for me at the end of those minefields. I’m glad it’s spring again.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:48 pm
RE; Shit Tests:
http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/23/plate-theory-vi-abundance-scarcity/
Abundance mentality is essential to shit test defusing.
Essentially a shit test is used by women to determine one, or a combination of these factors:
a.) Confidence – first and foremost
b.) Options – is this guy really into me because I’m ‘special’ or am I his only option?
c.) Security – is this guy capable of providing me with long term security?
Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs.
They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re self-conscious of doing it, they’ll still do it.
Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:50 pm
jf12
Since women tend to have the mentality of scarity, they panick at the drop of a hat and think the very worst has happened. If the computer stops working, they automatically assume the worst case scenario and that the problem is incredibility difficult and complex and they are stuffed – victim of complex engineering and all that. Instead of being calm and thinking they can solve the problem themself, they go into panic mode and run around like a headless chook.
April 18th, 2014 at 6:56 pm
I’ve got a post in the can about women’s default to WCS (worst case scenario). Even Mrs. Tomassi will do this, not so much a fly off the handle, sky is falling scenario, but rather a ‘plan for the worst’ proposition.
This is a direct manifestation of women’s psychologically evolved, primary drive for security. They want assurances from men that the cave is secure and the babies are safe from Sabertooth tigers.
April 18th, 2014 at 7:11 pm
Re: WCS. That is why it is so difficult (fiendishly complex!) to try to Dread “a little bit”. Recently, I had yet another nice long discussion with my wife about what it means for her to submit, bringing in of course respect but also fear (Ephesians 5:33 says the wife is supposed to fear (phobos) her husband; don’t worry won’t clog up with Bible here). She laughed, and said, as she has before, that of all the emotions she would say I might provoke in her, fear is the last thing that she would think of, and THAT is the reason she loves me (she says): that she would never fear me.
April 18th, 2014 at 8:50 pm
So, preventatively, young men: do not get into my predicament. Keep some aloofness, and keep her guessing, and keep her *explicitly* fearful you might “do something”. I’m sorry that there is no viable alternative. Women are broken, and do not respect getting love the way that men do love getting respect.
April 18th, 2014 at 11:31 pm
Rather than think of women as broken, I prefer to think that their motivations are alien to our own, alien to what we have been raised to believe, alien to what we are even now told by our culture, and most puzzling, completely alien to what women articulate them to be. Men need to accept this and wordlessly move on with the MAP. Fitness, game, assets; soft dread, outcome indifference, and amused mastery when shit tested. Repeat.
April 19th, 2014 at 6:22 am
Shit tests…
Rollo, you are essentially wrong. Shit testing is NOT about your confidence or manliness! It is about the degree of your stupidity and weakness.
Shit testing is about determining whether the man will stomach ANYTHING rather than leave the woman. In other words woman needs to know, if his libido is strong enough to turn him into brainless slave of hers. She will play hard to get, she will insult and humiliate him, etc.
If he aboandons the courtship in frustration or annoyance, she konows that his passion is not strong enough to weather the dissapointment, slavery and harassments of marriage/child producing..so he will not be acceptable slave for her.
SHE IS TESTING AND ESTABLISHING HER POWER OVER YOU. If you are cooperating, if you stomach insults, flakiness, etc, like those PUA tell you, than you will be good husband and provider..and she can nag her way into her future with you.
If you are annoyed with shit tests, you are free man and you migh dump her after first sign of disrespect even after she has your baby..this is certainly not waht she wants.
Of course, poor slaves – men, have to think that moneky dancing before women to the point of brainless idiocy, is actually their proof as …ehm…alpha men. Those who have the power are testing and those who have no option have to endure their test.
April 19th, 2014 at 7:12 am
“they automatically assume the worst case scenario and that the problem is incredibility difficult and complex and they are stuffed”
Sshhh. That’s because I at least always lead them to believe that.
e.g. ‘Puter on the fritz,? Oooo (suck teeth, slight shake of head) I’ll have a look, but I can’t promise ..
Remove offending box to workshop (previously vacuumed clean). Invariably one of her bloody iMacs. Never learns. Used to be the hinges on the old Mac laptops. Does/did Apple actually employ materials engineers of any description?
0930hrs – 0950hrs. Identify problem, check “parts bin” (large boxes of deceased Mac and ATX bits).
If SOL, put on funeral face and say part has to be ordered. Kicked into long grass, job’s a good’un.
Otherwise drink beer and listen to radio till late p.m.
1625hrs-1645hrs. Fix computer, 90% of the time being spent locked in a death struggle trying to get the box apart.
Emerge from shed sweating but triumphant.
God that was touch and go for a while there dear.
Take me for a drink and we’ll forget about the cost of the bits, eh?
The method holds good for almost anything. Washing machines, freezers, cars, bikes, even plumbing and wiring.
The reason it works is women’s universal and complete Laziness and total Absence Of Curiosity about non-gossip/snack- related affairs.
In fact I’d go as far as to say they shrink away in horror at anything even tangentially related to the possibility of contamination by the DLV stigmata of Manual Labor.
The number of times in the past (when I was young and fit, and they tended to hang over my shoulder, ostensibly observing) to get distressed damsels to take instruction in How To Fix It Your Bloody Self, Look, It’s Piss-Easy, and save themselves the cost and inconvenience of purchasing A Man … no chance.
Like teaching a dog to type.
April 19th, 2014 at 11:18 am
“I love women and love to love women; however, it is becoming more difficult to see women as long-term partners.”
Amen, Reverend!
My two Millenial sons have determined this all by themselves with no input from me, even though I could have offered them a great deal if they were of a mind to listen. But their having seen what today’s women have to “offer” versus what the costs of a relationship are with one of them have turned them both off of dating and such. It can and will happen to others as the meme (and Amy Schumer’s “comedy”) becomes more widespread.
April 20th, 2014 at 2:01 am
Some may find this interesting. About a married couple that was together for 70 years.
http://www.freep.com/article/20140419/NEWS07/304190065/ohio-couple-die-15-hours-apart
April 20th, 2014 at 9:02 am
@ Water Cannon Boy: My grandparents were married close to 70 years. My grandpa died in 2012. Grandma’s still alive, but she had to get electroshock therapy because she went psychotic after my grandpa started dying. He had some kind of severe sudden onset dementia after breaking his hip and getting anesthesia and he never recovered from it, it was pretty much 2 years of hell, he didn’t remember anyone, was having hallucinations about being back in WWII, shitting himself, walking around with his pants down, etc.
My other grandpa died in 1992. My other grandma’s been living alone ever since. She turned 93 last year and this year is her retirement party — one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. Her mom died when she was 3, dad was abusive and re-married, she found her step mom dead on the couch when she was 8 (she had some kind of disease or something), then when she was 10 her dad re-married again, abusive step mom, then he just took her to her aunt and uncle’s farm and abandoned her there, never saw him again.
So there was a lot going on, but both my grandparents’ relationships were completely faithful, model relationships. I wonder how much of that had to do with the different culture at the time, both my grandpa’s attitudes, and if that combination resulted in what Rollo mentioned in “War Brides”:
“A woman’s conditions may be such that she’s never needed to tap into this reserve.”
April 20th, 2014 at 9:43 am
Softek: No doubt your understanding of your grandparent’s marriage life is sincere, but past generations dealt with hypocrisy by ignoring it, not in (foolishly IMHO) confronting it as we tend to do today. I very much doubt anything was different 100 or 1000 years ago.
My family’s patriarch made a great show of presenting me with his prized cashmere great coat when he was in the “giving away his stuff” phase. It was a big deal to him because for the years after WWII left him destitute, it was the only nice thing he had and would serve to cover up the lesser clothes he wore underneath.
Well, after I had the coat restyled so it was wearable, I noticed a lump in the lining, so I carefully pulled out some thread and out popped a rolled condom marked in the language of the old country. He was married 70 years too.
Nothing changes…
April 20th, 2014 at 11:49 am
All I know is since I started following the manosphere, I’ve felt like I’ve been slowly waking up from the worst nightmare I’ve ever had in my life — and the reality I’m waking up to seems even worse than the nightmare.
I’m just hoping “it’s darkest before dawn” is true. Depending on the severity of someone’s immersion in blue pill reality, choking the red pill down can literally feel like hell on earth.
I’ve never experienced so much cognitive dissonance in my life, and I’ve been committed to mental hospitals multiple times over the last 10 years.
April 20th, 2014 at 12:20 pm
Softek, the #1 rule of any successful endevour is that it is always darkest before dawn. Just keep hammering away to make yourself strong every day. Strength and positive frame have to be the purpose of your life. Everything else falls in line when that happens. I walked a long, dark road earlier in my life and that is by far the biggest takeaway. Make yourself a better, stronger, more resilient man every day. Challenge yourself without regard for failure or success….and wonderful things will happen.
April 20th, 2014 at 1:29 pm
This has answered a question I’ve had for a long time now… why women no longer “invest” in a man. It used to be that woman had to choose early and then invest in that mans success.. to be a co-conspirator, as it were, in his success. I think this is where the old myth of “behind every great man is a great woman” came from. What I ahve noticed is that women all want men that are now fully made and proven. It explains why women also want to push back the clock on choosing mate as much as possible (in a few years women will decide to settle down have kids at fifty, lol)
Waiting until her 30s and riding the alphas until her 30s, women are in a double win situation.. not only do they get to have their fun, but by the time tey choose, the men who have invested in their futures are showing signs that they are having success. This affords her the ability to lower her risk, and if she ends up unhappy, more likely to leave the marriage in a better position financially.
I see now that this is why I am loathe to trust women post 30s, even though I am in my 40s. It wasn’t that they rode alot of cock, after all, I got laid just as much in 20s so it wasnt like I was getting passed over back then for the alphas… its the idea that after building up my smv, by myself over all this time, why should I hand it over to someone who never invested in me at all at this point?
Here is my suggestion to men: if you didnt get married in your 20s, then forget about it. Nothing you are going to get is worth it, unless she is in her early twenties, and even then, probably not worth it either
April 20th, 2014 at 2:11 pm
@Softek:
http://therationalmale.com/2012/04/10/the-bitter-taste-of-the-red-pill/
April 20th, 2014 at 2:14 pm
April 20th, 2014 at 2:49 pm
bbb
I had the company’s first woman corporate VP visit me in Tokyo. She was wearing a winter coat because she thought the seasons in Japan were the opposite of those in the US. I always wondered why I was laid off a few years later. You can’t make this stuff up.
The turning point in my career at a Fortune 5 company was a trip I took with my male boss in a corporate jet. Just the two of us, sitting facing each other, we returned at night in bad weather. The pilots shot two approaches in severe, hard turbulence before giving up and diverting. My boss was silently crying in fear while I tried to pretend I didn’t notice. He was distant with me from that moment on.
April 20th, 2014 at 4:23 pm
There seems to be something about Gregg….
Anyway, regarding book or e-book. I prefer books. Personally I like having something to hold. I actually prefer hard copy magazines. There’s also something about handing a book to somebody and saying check this out. Or them seeing it and asking about it. However, the easiest path to get something out there sometimes is the best when it comes to a product.
Also to Rollo or anybody else, what do you think the beta or alpha father/husband does to girls as the grow up? Since Rollo has mentioned his daughter before, I started wondering what others think about how the alpha/beta provider frame affects girls. Such as the good girl who cuts loose on spring break, sometimes with dire consequences(thinking of the girl that went missing in Aruba). Or the upper middle class wholesome princess girl who’s actually the queen mean girl at school.
I’m not talking about the usual inherent teenage rebelliousness or the things inherent female things discussed before. But the times that I’ve talked with women about the things that are influenced regarding parents and kids, they are surprised with what I’ve said about how much of what a girl gets from her father.
Anybody see any differences in how the girls are who have alpha fathers vs. beta fathers.
April 20th, 2014 at 4:48 pm
Consider the hypergamy ideal ‘win condition': Find a man of high genetic quality (SMV), attract him through looks and compliance (SMV), bind him through sexual performance and children (make him invested), then reduce his SMV by training him into Beta behaviors (keep from losing his resources to another woman), so that he gives his full productivity to your children.
Every other female strategy is a fallback for this ‘perfect play’. After you have run that course, when even the grandchildren are grown…there’s no program for that. In the EEA, the chances that both sides of a bonded pair would reach their 60’s and up were so low, there was no reason to select for fitness in handling it.
April 20th, 2014 at 6:38 pm
Want to add that it can also have dire consequences for the guy, such as the case in the Houston area of the guy who’s girlfriend snuck him into her bedroom, got shot and killed by her father. Upon discovery, she first claimed she didn’t know him. Only later after he died did she admit she knew him and brought him in.
April 20th, 2014 at 7:46 pm
Rick Rolls: “After you have run that course, when even the grandchildren are grown…there’s no program for that. In the EEA, the chances that both sides of a bonded pair would reach their 60′s and up were so low, there was no reason to select for fitness in handling it.”
Actually, evolutionarily speaking, any age above that for raising a child is uncharted territory. The good part about that is that we can make our own rules.
April 20th, 2014 at 8:04 pm
BBB: I see your point, but I think that ‘When are you going to settle down and give me grandchildren’ became a cliche for a reason. Propagation is a matter of how successful your descendants are at having descendants. Except for the pure Alpha strategy of having a lot of children that you make no investment in, it would pay off to stay involved with your children’s children.
Note how common it is for parents to step in and provide a safe harbor for their daughters, or even take over parenting completely. That’s not all socialization at work.
April 21st, 2014 at 7:54 am
[…] truth about the manosphere’s perspective on contemporary culture — as much as Rollo’s long essays on the stages of a woman’s SMV curve are fascinating, and our endless […]
April 21st, 2014 at 2:51 pm
Great write-up and oh so relevant to me these days…My wife of 19 years, together 22, is right in the middle of a Redevelopment Phase. We are both 47 and she is in a mid-life crisis. While your write-up touches upon security and seeking a last grasp of her SMV, I think there is more to it. You allude to it in “It’s important to make the distinction that this security isn’t necessarily founded on financial provisioning, but rather an emotional, intimate dependence and acceptance for a woman from an acceptably masculine man…” I believe women in this phase are questioning their lives; what is their purpose? Who are they without this man-daughter-house-job etc.? For those with Beta husbands who never went out in their 20’s and were SAHMs, it is more about Alpha fucks and sexual flings; attempts to capture something from their youth.
In my case, my wife and I are very social with a teenaged daughter. We go out a lot with fiends and enjoy being with each other. I work hard to stay in shape, look good and maintain a healthy Alpha-Beta mix (Thanks to Athol.) She comments on how great I look and how my body is rock hard and fit. She is beautiful; a true ‘9’ for the over-45 crowd, maybe a ‘7-8’ for the younger guys. The thing is, she sees and feels her body changing. She is a ‘mess.’
Menopause is closing and her hormones are getting the best of her. For many women over 40, they dreadfully know that their only hypergamous opportunity is with a wealthier, more successful Beta; Alphas and studs will use them for sex, but that is all. She also knows that if we split, I would have my pick of women from age 28+. She, regardless of her great looks, would not. She sadly admits that masculine men like me that she would be attracted too are dating women 10+ years younger than her. She also knows that where would be a line 10 blocks long of divorced & never-married feminized Betas waiting to ask her out.
While she is reassessing me along with everything else in her life, she is quickly figuring out that she could blow up our marriage, get her own place, live a fake SITC life and still be unhappy – just now alone and shouldering 100% of her household expenses. It is hard to watch and give her necessary space to figure things out. It may be difficult for many guys who follow you to understand, but I love her deeply. She is not the center of my world, but she is the love of my life. I have seen her at her worst and best; she hates and adores the fact that I know her better than herself. While I could easily survive on my own and probably have plenty of p*ssy, I am not interested in that. She is what I want.
I am seeing divorces happen all around me and it is tough to watch. My wife is full of regret for many things that other women in her peer/social group have and in turn, they have regret over not obtaining what my wife has accomplished. Female regret, solipsism, hormones and emotional upheaval seem to drive relationship turmoil. I am not sure if we will make it, but I am hopeful.
April 21st, 2014 at 9:57 pm
I think the “empty nest divorces” have a lot to do with running off the end of the program. If you’ve only been staying together for the ‘sake of the children’, and otherwise seething with resentment (or even just apathetically living separate lives), those pressures are gone.
All the dis-associative rationalizations just melt away, and you’re facing the question ‘Do I want to be married to this person anymore?’ in a purely rational fashion for the first time in your life, with nothing in the back of your head whispering that the stakes are too high to compromise.
April 21st, 2014 at 10:05 pm
Sorry for the double-post, but I failed to finish my point: My sister and brother-in-law came very close to just such a ‘What’s the point’ dissolution. Then my niece blew up her own marriage, and providing a home for her and her child held them together while she ran through an AFBB cycle (another child by yet another sexy loser, then a marriage to a ‘nice guy’ she knew from high school).
They were right on the edge of filing papers, having worked out the property division and everything else, when my niece called for help. Six years later, when she re-married they had decided old age together didn’t look so bad.
April 25th, 2014 at 1:01 am
[…] Other than the CPS threat, your entire article is based on the unsourced claims of feminist crazies. I know you’re a self-described troll, but really? What’s the point? Why get involved in women’s bickering? Especially when the evidence is so pathetic? […]
April 29th, 2014 at 8:01 am
[…] Tomassi of TheRationalMale The Preventative Medicine Series – Part I Part II Part III Part IV SMV Ratios & Attachment – Sexual Marketplace Landscape Final Exam – Navigating the […]
April 29th, 2014 at 8:16 am
[…] Tomassi of TheRationalMale The Preventative Medicine Series – Part I Part II Part III Part IV SMV Ratios & Attachment – Sexual Marketplace Landscape Final Exam – Navigating the […]
April 30th, 2014 at 2:22 pm
Hey guys, fucking another mans wife is the same as stealing. It’s just wrong…and it contributes to the problem. It allows women to have their cake and eat it too. If we want higher quality women to exist, virtuous women, we need to stop enabling them, right?
April 30th, 2014 at 3:25 pm
“fucking another mans wife is the same as stealing”
How about you explain how you figure…
April 30th, 2014 at 4:05 pm
@ starlord
Monogamous couples have a contract with each other, they are exchanging exclusive sexual rights. Each OWNS the sex of the other, in other words, her sex is his property, and his sex is her property. If an interloper has sex with one, he/she is taking someone else’s property without their permission. Taking property that isn’t yours without permission from the owner is stealing.
As for wanting women to be more virtuous, well…that’s a little harder for me to explain(I’m not the sharpest spoon in the shed) but let’s just say you reap what you sow. The modern female psyche is very similar to a child’s mind. If I offered my 9 year old daughter a choice between a healthy breakfast or a bowl of ice cream, what do you think she will choose? I can’t genuinely expect her to make a healthy decision, and will produce a fat, diabetic person. Every time we fuck a married woman we simply reinforce that behaviour, creating a whole society of low quality women. Now, I know that sociopaths aren’t going to give a dam about that, but those of us that want a better society should think about this. Perhaps we should shun the “other man” to discourage this behavior that is ruining our women? If we make hypergamy more costly or difficult by insisting that they leave their man first, before we have sex with them, we may just curb the behaviour and end up with more virtuous women.
April 30th, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Yeah…wow. I’d really like to believe that ‘Patriarchy’ was just a boojum that feminists made up, but guys like this keep crawling out from under rocks. Sleeping with a married woman is wrong because it’s a crime against her husband? But cheating on your wife is different because women are immature children that can’t be trusted to make good decisions?
Yeah, whatever. If your logic doesn’t work both ways, it’s just foaming drool you’re spraying around.
April 30th, 2014 at 8:12 pm
@RickRolls
Firstly, thanks for your comment, I appreciate your participation.
You are making a straw man of my argument, or you simply didn’t understand. Wether the interloper is male or female makes no difference to the morality of it. I made no comment concerning the infidelity of the married parties, but since you bring it up, let me say a little something about that. Cheating is wrong. Monogamous couples have promised exclusivity to each other, and if one cheats, they break that promise. It’s a breach of contract.
I don’t understand what patriarchy has to do with anything I said.
May 1st, 2014 at 6:51 am
The contract is with each other, not the third person. To take implies force. If something is given it is not taken and therefore not stolen. Therefore your “interloper” has stolen nothing. And you would be hard pressed to demonstrate that each owns the sex of the other. Each owns their own sex. Were a man to own the sex of his wife and she didn’t want to participate, he could simply override her and take it – ownership. Right?
What you have done in your argument is simply tow the feminist line that women have no agency. You blame men for low quality women in society. …and some women don’t mention that they are married.
May 1st, 2014 at 12:08 pm
@starlord
Hey man, thanks for your reply.
Okay, we agree that a person sex is their property. A person can sell their property, at which point it becomes someone else’s property. Marriage is the transaction of exchanging exclusive access to your vagina/penis. Before marriage each owned their own sex, after getting married, they own each others. If I trade my lawn mower with my neighbor for his lawn mower and a third party(the interloper) takes my neighbors lawn mower(formally my lawn mower) it is stealing, right? Nobody makes any explicit agreement with the rest of society to not steal, it’s implied in the social contract.
Regarding giving vs taking, a married persons sex isn’t theirs to give. The interloper may not know he/she is receiving stolen goods, and we can excuse them in that case if they did a minimum of due diligence to find out, eg. They asked if the other was married. If the interloper knows the person is married, they cannot be excused.
Most marriage contracts have a “to have and to hold” clause. This means that a man has a right to nookie with his wife(and vice versa). If the wife(or husband) refuses, they are in breach of contract rendering it null and void. That means her sex is no longer his, and his is no longer hers. He is now free to have sex with whomever he chooses, and her sex returns to being her property. Since each now owns their own sex again, it would be wrong for the man to force himself on her.
I blame parents and society and culture at large for low quality women, not just men. If we don’t hold our children to a higher standard….well, you reap what you sow. I am asking everyone, men and women, to be more virtuous. Unfortunately, women have been so poisoned by some forms of femenism (“I deserve what I want when I want it”) that it seems unrealistic to expect them to change on their own.
After rereading your reply, it occurs to me that you may not agree that marriage is the exchange of exclusive sexual access, among other things. Do you agree that marriage is a contract? What are the goods and services being exchanged, in your opinion, in a marriage contract?
If a thief offers you stolen property, and you know it’s stolen, is it morally acceptable to take it?
Perhaps it may be more fruitful to consider marriage contracts, or at least the sex part of it, as a rental arrangement? If I rent an apartment from a woman, and while I’m at work, she allows other people to use the space, has she done anything wrong? Have the other people using the space done anything wrong?
Look forward to hearing what think. Thanks.
May 1st, 2014 at 3:02 pm
[…] You can find the individual posts through the following links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4. […]
May 5th, 2014 at 5:26 pm
This is unreal. So, if I got the gist of well written article…
The ulimate sh1t test is for her to demand a man be more beta (and bring in those beta bucks) while assuming a role of authority. But then she sabotages HER OWN RELATIONSHIP by creating a super-beta man who she can’t be sexually attracted to. The idiot man’s only crime is that he’s an idiot by giving a women what she says she wants and expecting it to work. I’ve read all kinds of formulas for “successful game” but the articles telling men how to conduct themselves in long-term pair-bond relationships are not as common. Sites like MMSL try to explain how this process could work. Most ones that are out there are written by women, and/or are full of blue-pill bullsh1t which read like a Hallmark card or something on the cutting room floor of that terrible movie “What Women Want”. (Newflash – they still don’t know…)
My own theory is that to survive a long term relationship, the man must NEVER kowtow to demands to be beta, NEVER submit to a wife trying to wear the pants, NEVER be “too good”, and always be in one form of trouble or another. The man *must* create friction, tension and create tangible proof of his superior position in the relationship power dynamic: he must f*** things up on a regular basis, mostly minor things but the odd big one, to keep her hamster wheel spinning madly on three main things. a) What’s wrong with me? and b) why do I love this @$$Hole so much and c) Why won’t he change? Honestly, the biggest blue-pill lie of all is that men should be emotionally nurturing to their female partners and be “good boys” all the time. This is because women project THEIR roles onto those of men, because they have no other reference point. (I’ve often told women that their “ideal man” is acutally a woman or a gay man, resulting in the ‘get cats’ speach they all love so much.) So, my theory is that you need just the right amount of INTRIGUE for the woman in a long term relationship. That’s a nice politically correct blue-pill word for keeping her doubting own self-worth on a continual and ongoing basis while forever trying to change three or more “bad boy” behaviors and knowing if she tried to assume the lead role in the relationship would result in events that might actually make her afraid… That my dear men, is what will keep her interested and moist.
Being a good provider and a good boy? You may as well ASK her outright to go bang some bad-boy stud and rip you to shreds in divorce court. She’ll do it and eat her prey and chalk it up, subconsciously, to how things work in nature. Weak things deserve death, and nothing deserves death more than a weak male.
May 6th, 2014 at 6:35 pm
ANY response hinting at the kind of response she expects will only encourage her to redouble her efforts toward turning her man into a Beta Max. Thus, there can be no such thing as a long-term relationship between a man and a woman. It isn’t for nothing that all of the long-term married men advise a new groom that the only acceptable response the bride will allow is “Yes, dear.”
June 9th, 2014 at 3:32 pm
Can’t wait for your “menopause” post……. Cause I need the advice…….
July 8th, 2014 at 2:21 am
[…] | Preventative Medicine Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4 | therationalmale.com […]
July 19th, 2014 at 4:53 am
convenient conviction or from a self-created sense of her husband’s (really all men’s) untrustworthiness ~Rollo Tomassi
All men. Only men. Popular content says it’s so… http://wp.me/P3P5mL-uz
August 7th, 2014 at 1:09 pm
Your’e a genius my man. I’m just curious how this internal subconscious behaviourism would apply or differ from a cluster B personality woman?
September 28th, 2014 at 11:55 pm
You’re describing a lot of things going on in my near 20 year marriage. There is very little written about this phase, presumably because a lot of game experts just keep in the market enjoying that rather than taking the gigantic risks of getting married. I can certainly say being married is harder than being single. If it weren’t for the kids I would have bailed out long ago.
Anyway there’s lots written about dating phases and “early” marriage. Very little about the 20 year point. I don’t know what lies beyond. My parents have gotten past 50, and while they truly married for life, they didn’t seem all that excited about it when we threw a 50th anniversary dinner for them. More worn out, partially due to health issues.
I recently bulked upper body muscle, just a bit in the right places. (Yoga is actually good for this. That, combined with some targeted “dynamic tension” exercises, is all I did.) Rather than complimenting me or appearing attracted, that made her more angry than she usually is.
She says literally she wants to be in charge. She said it within the past hour, tonight. Alpha type behavior makes her, as best I can describe it, resentful. You hit this nail right on the head. (She even tries dread game against me, too.)
September 29th, 2014 at 12:03 am
Dread does work both ways, and women are masters of it which is why they loathe it so much when men use it (even marginally) against them.
They know how effective it can be.