Coquetry

I generally avoid troubling myself with the blatantly girl-world propaganda advice articles over at AskMen.com, but I had a friend refer this article to me. It’s the same predictable boilerplate reasoning I’ve come to expect from the Hooking Up Beta crowd when discussing the merits of Waiting for It. Side note: please do read the short bio of Giulia Simolo for an enlightening brief on what makes for a good ‘relationship correspondent’.

All this article does is reinforce the feminine as the primary sexual interest. As is the default pre-position of every solipsistic woman giving advice, every point she makes presumes the woman is the PRIZE. So lets break this down from a less orthodox presumption:

Waiting Creates Anticipation
Anticipation is already present from the moment you and she feel arousal for each other. Attraction isn’t a choice, and anticipation isn’t something “created” by intent. Trust me, no girl making you wait is thinking, “Oh I just want him to savor this delightful anticipation.”

Waiting Creates Challenge
Yeah, for you. I love how the feminine rationale is that it’s the Man who’s given the opportunity of creating the challenge, when in fact it’s classically been a woman’s realm for millennia to play the coquette. Who are we bullshitting here?

Waiting Shows You Don’t Think She’s A Slut
The only gender concerned with being perceived as a slut is women. Once again, feminine primacy. Every man loves a slut, he just wants her to be HIS slut. The importance is less about his perception of her being a slut and more about her self-concern about her moving past the thinking she’s one. When it comes to sex, single women filibuster with concerns about slut status, when in an LTR they filibuster with concerns about “feeling sexy” – in both instances sex is always about her, not you.

Waiting Keeps YOU Interested.
And again, feminine primacy. For centuries, nothing has served women better than an implied promise of future sexual release with her. The longer you stay in a state of suspended sexual interest, the less time and opportunity you’ll have to weigh other, better, options than what she may represent. However, you can only shake the shiny keys for so long before someone else shakes their own and draws attention away.

Waiting Shows You’re A Gentleman
Qualification for her pussy. Women don’t want to fuck gentlemen, they want to fuck Men who are sexual and have a mutual, covertly recognized desire to bang her.

Waiting Gives You Time To Evaluate Her
The only thing most men are evaluating about a woman they haven’t slept with is HOW to sleep with her. This may sound like logic, but it’s really an unassailable idealism meant to compliment a man’s ego. It’s complimentary; of course you’re a well rounded man of the world who’d be interested in qualifying her for your intimacy, you’re mature and experienced enough to know what’s best for you, right? Women ALWAYS play by the rules when they’re relaxed and show you their true colors while you’re waiting to fuck them. They’re incapable of hiding their character flaws in the time it takes for you to wait her out sexually, right?

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait
And of course what girl-world article would be complete without a trite aphorism at the end? At least we get down to brass tacks. She is the PRIZE. The carrot really is worth the effort of towing the feminine primacy cart. Play her filibuster games and there’s a nice piece of chocolate cake at the end of it for you. It’s the same piece of cake the outlaw biker got about 8 months ago due to her hormonally fueled urgency to fuck him immediately, but she’s turning over a new leaf with you. She’s trying to do things different now with you, because you’re really the ‘special’ one.

Coquetry

I was skimming through the Art of Seduction last night and I came across a passage there that reminded me of this article. The section was about coquetry. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, playing the coquette is by and large the natural (some would argue ‘unlearned’) default method of seduction for women; going from hot to cold, interest to feigned disinterest, the promise of fantastic sex and then a complete disconnected indifference. That is coquetry, and it hardly needs to be taught to women since for thousands of years it’s proven to be so effective in covertly drawing out what they want in men. As I’ve said in many prior posts, a woman’s best agency is always her sexuality. It’s their first best key to power over men (which explains why it’s so distressing for women as it decays with age).

What this article is attempting to do is convince men that they can play an effective coquette too – essentially adopt a female seduction method. While there is some merit in adopting female seduction methodologies (i.e. “flip-the-script” Game), when promoted by women giving men advice, the premise is disingenuous on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin with it. However, after re-reading it I can see the mechanics behind it. The idea is to draw men into thinking that they are the ones doing the resisting, when in fact they are only better playing into a woman’s coquetry and ultimately better facilitating the methods of her innate hypergamy.

The principle is this: the one who is doing the resisting is the one who is controlling the dynamic. It comes back to The Cardinal Rule of Relationships

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

The trick to feminine coquetry is incrementally rewarding her target(s) with marginal intimacy while simultaneously resisting him enough to keep him in the limbo necessary for her to assess the best options for breeding and provisioning from a pool of potential suitors.

Now, why would a woman want to do this? The polite answers, the pretty lies, are found in the bullet points in this article. Each of which is intended to convince men to play along with her coquetry (feminine seduction) and better facilitate the real function of her coquetry – sexual selection from amongst her best options (i.e. hypergamy). If a man can be convinced that it’s in fact he who is doing the resisting, for all the noble and acceptable reasonings, it only makes her coquetry easier.

Coquetry is a woman’s socially approved methodological equal of Plate Theory for men. And just like Plate Spinning, it requires a woman to keep a covert stable of potential suitors in rotation. They can’t implicitly know about each other. If they did, she runs the risk of them losing interest in frustration. So, how much the better if a Man is an active participant in her own coquetry? How much the better when he believes it’s his own idea to be his own coquette?

In Iron Rule #3 the reason I said waited-for sex is never worth the wait is because it reduces sexual tension and urgency. It’s essentially negotiated desire – “OK well play by your rules and fuck when you’re finally convinced that I’m worthy of your vagina.” By playing your own coquette, you may think you’re drawing her into YOUR web and she’ll be a foaming hot mess for you by the time YOU “allow” her to ride your cock, but you’re only fooling yourself. Assuming you even get to actual sex with her, it’s still her who’s doing the resisting, and now your sex is based on the implied negotiation you agreed to by waiting her out. And what were you waiting for? Her to come to the conclusion that she couldn’t do better than fuck you in the immediate future.

Every chump in human history has, in different versions, thought he was doing the right thing by playing the friend, waiting patiently, building comfort and trust, being a gentleman, being emotionally supportive and sensitive to a woman’s desires in the interim times when she’s not riding the Alpha Bad Boy’s cock. Women who are interested in you wont confuse you. If you are her “A” guy she wont make you wait (very long) to get after it with you. If she’s delaying and filibustering, rest assured you are her “B” or “C” guy, and she needs negotiated convincing to bump you up to being her starter.


32 responses to “Coquetry

  • Coy

    How to flip the script against this tactic? Any tips?

  • Love's Orphan

    After reading some red pill stuff, I started to assume that every woman I met used this by default. I’ve known female coworkers that get rides to work and home by several different guys. And they always start saying: “Oh no, he justs helps me, he is not like that.” But a few months later, they say the guy only wanted sex. I have to cover my mouth with both hands to prevent myself from saying: “What else could you give them? What did you think they were looking for?” And a new “cab driver” comes; rinse and repeat.

  • unbowed

    Don’t normally like to crowd the comments with pointless compliments ‘hey great article!’, but Hey, great article.
    I think it ties in w/ women trying to create (subconsciously?) oneitis in men.
    It’s something that needs to be hammered home, & you did it: Don’t wait on her terms. Always be looking for options.

  • Country LAwyer

    Coy,

    Its called buying temperature. Or building attraction. If she is attracted enough to you she’ll want you and all she will need is a reason to be “swept away in the moment”

    Like many things, the best time for this behavior for a man is when the power has shifted. When he’s had sex with her.

    The hot/cold, intimate then withdrawal will draw a woman in deeper at that point.

  • itsme

    yep. chris rock sums it up well:

  • The Shocker

    ~~:+:+:+~~ How to beat coquetry ~~:+:+~~

    First, use the stagger system for your dates. Most men will tell you to pop off a round into a folded roll of toilet paper before your first date so you don’t come across as over eager. This is wrong. Increased energy, sexual hunger and attitude due to a juicy cock will help you send the right vibe to your date via subcommunications and the phenomena of mental state transference. Where it hurts you is when you start to exhibit neediness, pushiness and manipulation in order to close the deal. Using the stagger system, plan to have another girl you’re already fucking come over afterwards. Use this if you’re feeling uninspired:
    You: Come fuck my brains out this Saturday night
    Her: I’ll be out drinking (shit test/gripe/female/female)
    You: Shh
    Her: Lol
    The knowledge that you’re already on your way to pound town no matter how the date goes will loosen your game and give you that pussy-tingling smirk as your date gets to know you.

    Now, when you do hit the sheets go as far as she’ll let you in that first round. Most girls will hit the breaks at some point to come up for air, especially if it’s your first time together. This is a good thing. It means she’s not a slut- if she doesn’t, it’s because she’s insecure that you won’t like her if she doesn’t put out right away. Anyway. Don’t be needy. Don’t be pushy. At some point in this cuddle talk use this line:
    “I never push girls. If you’re not tearing off my clothes, then it’s not even worth it.”
    That’s the winner right there. Of course, this is usually a twenty minute conversation. I tend to be very playful, talk about myself while staring at the ceiling as she gazes at you, talk about the music I’m playing, and drop the occasional ego stroking line like, “Mm you’re irresistible.”

    Have faith that round two will start again, because it will. How far she’ll let you go here depends on how comfortable you made her during the pillow talk phase. If you were pushy or overly supplicant, good fucking luck. Your long term goal here is getting your hand on that bare pussy. I find some positions are better for a first time pussy touch. Spooning tends to be great for this. You can do the neck bite, finger in the mouth thing which ups the sluttiness. You can do the over the pants thigh-to-pussy or around-the-back rub without it seeming like your trying to get your hands down there. So play with the clit a bit (usually quite a bit more pressure than you think) and when you get one then two fingers inside make sure to get that quick motion going on her g-spot otherwise your efforts so far have been wasted. Now the trick is to get her hands on your dick. I find the most important thing here is what you’re wearing. My pick is basketball shorts. They aren’t as obvious as a pair of boxer briefs, they have a loose elastic band and they’re thin enough so she can get a good feel when she gets a rub the outside. Also, her tits are your friend here. Don’t neglect them. In fact, be fucking crazy for her tits. Because once you get her bra off, there’s only one last piece of fabric left to go.

    On the topic of firsts, here’s how I jump the fence into dirty talk land. Works every time:
    -”You like when I fuck you?”
    Yea..
    -”Say it.”
    I like when you fuck me
    -”Say it again”
    I like when you fuck me!
    -”Say fuck me hard, [your name]”
    Fuck me hard, [your name]
    -”Again”
    Fuck me hard, [your name]!”
    “Again!”

    It’s all about compliance. You can use that framework every time.
    -”You like when I ______?”
    Yes.
    -”Say it.”

  • A

    So then what is the “Rational Male” answer about the effects having sex too soon has on LTR’s and Marriages?

  • Leap of a Beta

    Articles like this are hilarious. The authors in one article will tell you how women can be emotional (IE irrational) and want excitement (IE are impulsive). Then they tell you in this article not to seize upon the moments when those two things line up in a desire to have sex with you. Love the hamsters.

    Also, I was struck by how a South African based writer is writing for, as far as I know, the American audience of AskMen.com. What. The. Fuck? In what world does that make sense?

  • Retrenched

    It’s funny how once you take the red pill, you start to see this fem-centric shit everywhere.

  • feral1404

    Not bragging, just a related anecdote: I actually flipped the script by accident, and it worked. Long and short; I got set up on a blind date and met the girl at a bar in VA. Cute, feminine, 7.5. Worked game and kino, escalated, got her interested, plied her with alch, etc. We left and walked to her place, got the kiss, got the invite in. But here’s the thing: I actually had a sure thing waiting (fuck buddy ready to go), so I disengaged, said “Not right now. Gotta go. Call you later,” and walked off. I guess I nudged the hamster just so, ’cause after that she was definitely hooked. Texting and messaging that she hoped she didn’t appear too forward. Responded: “Nah, it’s good. prior committment & can’t break it. I’ll be in touch.” Hooked up with her again later that week and all went well. She did ask and I deflected. “Thing I had to do with some people. No big deal… but you have my attention NOW, so what’s up.”

    What I’m saying is that waiting (delaying, actually) isn’t particularly a bad thing, as long as the frame within which it’s done is yours, not hers.

    I so suppose this falls under “options = instability,” and in this instance it worked in my favor. I actually didn’t care what happened after the kiss, since I had a lay waiting, and I think the cool aloof showed.

    As an aside, I always close with “I’ll be in touch.” It directly implies physical contact, and always seems to work.

  • Simon Corso

    Spin more plates .

    She wont hold out if she thinks ( or knows ) you can get it from another girl.

  • YOHAMI

    The article is written from the female point of view. Girls do enjoy the anticipation, the challenge, and the waiting, of not fucking a guy they desperately want to fuck. Hint: that only happens when she’s after an Alpha who’s too busy banging other girls. So when it finally happens with her, when they are finally in sync, it’s a truly mindblowing experience, so much more than with the hundred of guys next door she could fuck in 15 min. When she has to wait for the guy that speaks about the value (cue: high demand) of this guy. When she fucks him she get’s validated.

    Which obviously has nothing to do with how males experience this.

    Half or so of my one night stands were with girls who wanted to fuck me for quite a while, and we’re very nervous that it might never happen. When I made my move pants were off in 20 minutes.

    Im such a gentleman.

  • Jordan

    The last issue of Men’s Health that I read had a dating and sex section… the adviser was a chick answering the most beta-esque questions I’ve seen in a while.

  • gregg

    I would not use the expression “chump” for a man that simply does not know what to do and has never been taught the other way. He may not be experienced enough or have a low level testosterone, or million other things. He may be honest, hell he may be brave man in every other aspect of his life. He may be a cop doing narcotics or a surgeon facing death every fucking day in his work or a sharp businessman. He just does not know anything about women or his ego does not let him to pursue knucklehead or change the opinion about chicks. He is our bro.

    There is an old proverb – “honest men marry early, WISE men never”. I completely agree with this one. Married woman is the easiest fuckable being on this planet. Even the greatest “chump” is able to nail her when her man is not at his (at least) B plus. Does it mean that the author as a married man is “chump”? Nope!

    This is a great site with tons of useful informations but I do have one question. How the fuck could a man with THIS deep and profound knowledge (for example the blog – war bride) SIGN the marriage contract with ANY woman? Was it for some “special” one? Yes..I knoooow :)

  • gregg

    Thank you man. You are a poet. I somehow understand. I won´t say that I have fucked too many women and at the same time rejected too many married ones to not be able to EVER believe any women to be loyal. I were able to handle this.

    I have seen the beast in all types of women open its mouth and eat men alive. Honest men, good men, strong men, dealers, alphas, betas,bad boys! I am an attorney at law and there was the time in my life, when I used to handle divorces. After 10 years I simply had to finish it. I had enough. I saw the things you guys wouldn´t believe. Things done by the most sweetest and innocent girls you could imagine.

    Now I can´t help but seing this beast in every woman. It is there. Sleeping. Waiting. It may reamin asleep all our lives. Once it is activated – majority of us with our your chivarly, ego, responsiblity, protection instincts, romantic nature are no match for it. Marriage could never seem to me like a good thing. Ever. Anyway thank you.

  • Survivorman

    It may be an oversimplification – but the “3-date rule” has held true in 100% of my relationships. If no num-nums by the 3rd date, you will never get any. Move on.. no further communication. NEXT!

  • M3

    How many women would make David Beckham or Hugh Jackman wait?

  • Marellus

    …. great article … thanks Rollo …

  • B. Dynamics « the professor

    [...] The waiting game - http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/coquetry/ [...]

  • Alexander

    Hi Rollo,

    I am new here, Do you think attraction has an expiry date?

  • Tom

    I’m glad Rollo explains the difference between giving them attention and waiting for them to bestow sex on you vs just walking away from them. Giving them attention and hanging around without them putting their ass up in the air for you is a huge mistake. Walking away from their shit-test or false offer of “friendship” isn’t ‘male coquetry, it’s being smart. On to the next.

  • Andrew

    This is hilarious.
    From quoting roissy, to attacking men from South Africa, to the stupid crap about what you think you know about women because you took some “red pill”, whatever that means…..
    It seems the manosphere minions keep telling each other the same things over and over and hope it is true.
    Let’s get something straight.
    The whole alpha crap you idiots bang on about is stupid. Humans are not pack animals.
    Next, is the Christ Rock video. I have turned lots of women down for sex. Some really hot women who most of you could not “game” for all the bit coins in the world.
    Life is not about getting “laid”. Or being a “cad”. This sounds like a boring life.
    I have bedded some of the hottest women and been friends with equally hot women.
    You know how I got beautiful women?
    Natural game. Good looks. Wealth. Charisma. And having standards and being unattainable. I see bullshit artists like you and roissy, and some of the other rejects from these websites and I wonder about the idiots posting on them. What slums do you bullshitters come from?
    And I realize why I bet hot women from rich families with class.
    Game is something you are born with.
    You cannot fake being an “alpha” by your standards.
    I have hung around “alphas” all my life.
    What I call, “Real mans men”. Presidents of banks. Owners of aviation corporations. You know. People who have contributed to society in a tangible way.
    And I have hung out with sexy hot women and had real in depth conversations with them. Some of them I helped out because assholes like you tried to “pump and dump” them and thought you were cute.

    Well you are not.
    The world is turning to shit because there are so few men, real men left in the world.
    This MGTOW also sounds homosexual to me.
    Anyway, real men are bred. They are educated. Well read. Well raised. Well mannered. Masters of their craft. They kick ass in life. They certainly don’t brag about it on a weblog.
    I also meet guys like you every day. Bullshitters. Frauds. Con men.
    Worming their way into women’s bodies thinking they are all that by playing games.
    Well life isn’t a game.
    There is a thing called karma. Just like lots of women will end up with cats, most of you posers will end up alone and sad as well.
    Think about that will you and let is sink in. This whole manosphere crap is a bunch of hogwash. You mirror the feminists equally. Faking it till you make it is a lie.
    You cannot fake integrity and ethics.
    And you cannot fake being a real mans man.
    That is all.
    I’m done lurking these sites.

  • YOHAMI

    “Humans are not pack animals.”

    Yeah right.

  • Andrew

    Humans are primates. Not canines.

    Here is an excellent link proving the whole “Alpha male” bullshit you are spreading is a lie
    http://www.leecharleskelley.com/top10myths/mythofthepackleader.html

  • Rollo Tomassi

    You sure you don’t want to link back to Manboobz’ take on Alpha males?

  • Andrew

    This is a good example of the logical fallacy you are using.
    I am a big on pointing out basic assumptions in the manosphere that are false.
    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_projection_fallacy
    I just went and read the manboobz site and it is just another feminist load of crap. It hurt my eyes to read the comments and trolling going on
    You people really are in some tug of war.
    Yet the battle is lost because you guys got no scroats….
    Not different than the pack of wannabe alphas who attack in packs on your comments Rolo, when someone doesn’t agree with manosphere dogma.
    BTW, if everyone is an alpha here, how come you aren’t fighting each other for dominance over who controls the website?

  • Rollo Tomassi

    The simple fact that you think that the manosphere uniformly defines Alpha etymologically (google it) only highlights your ignorance of it.

    Maybe you should’ve just started here first:
    http://therationalmale.com/2011/10/20/alpha/

  • Grim

    Good lord is Andrew misinformed.

  • Preventative Medicine – Part II |

    […] men discover that women in this demographic, by necessity, lean more on overt communication. The coquetry, indirectness and blasé indifference that she used to hold and enjoy male attentions during her […]

  • Bluepillprofessor

    Had to laugh at Andrews ridiculous ‘we are not pack animals.’ Let me guess, we are not even animals. We may have darker instincts but we can use our higher brain to control them. Right? Right.

    I regularly study The Art of Seduction and I always wondered how coquetry worked for men but then I am the insatiable Rake with two temperatures- hot and hotter- so I don’t have a frame of reference for behaving indifferent or cold. A guy can ACT hot and cold but girls really ARE that way which is why it is so effective.

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