“You’ve been with how many girls?!”

Rational reader Poker ran this one by me recently:

I’ve been seeing this girl and we’ve slept together a few times… Today, in bed, I got asked, “How may girls have I been with?” and “Why won’t I be her friend on Facebook?”

How many girls question…

Here’s how I handled it – would love to know if you think this was handled properly… (using cocky-funny attitude)

Me: “I don’t tell that.”
Her: “More or less than 20?”
Me: “I have some freedom of information forms in the car – you could fill one out and get your answer in 20 years.”
Her: “Don’t you want to know how many guys I’ve been with?”
Me: “No.”

Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2

NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonestly reveal the number of women you’ve slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.

The single most disastrous AFC move a man can make is to OVERTLY describe past sexual experiences and/or give a number (accurate or not) to how many women he’s been with prior to the one he’s with. This simple act, whether you offered the information or she dragged it out of you, ALWAYS comes off as pretentiousness and is often the catalyst for an avalanche of emotional resentment, if not outright emotional blackmail from an insecure woman. This is a rookie mistake that will only take you once to learn.

If a woman puts you on the spot by directly asking you for this information always sidestep this COVERTLY. C&F works wonders in this situation and still keeps the air of mystery and challenge about you.

Her: “So how many girls have you been with?”
You: “You’re my first actually”
Her: “Really, how many girls have you been with?”
You:” You mean tonight?”
Her: “C’mon, how many girls have you been with?”
You: “You know, I really lost count after 50″ (or something outrageous).

When a woman asks you this question she is seeking confirmation of what she already suspects – NEVER give her this satisfaction. When a woman resorts to OVERT communication (COVERT being her native language) she’s generally exhausted her patience to be COVERT and this is a desperation tactic for an insecure woman.

While this scenario may be fraught with potential disaster, it is also an opportunity to encourage her imagination and prompt some competition anxiety.

Her: “How many girls have you been with?”
You: “I have an idea, lets fuck and then you can tell me how many girls you think I’ve been with, OK?”

A lot of Game rookies think that since they’ve only been with 1 or 2 women in their lives what’s the harm in open, honest, full disclosure? Like most Betas they bought the “open communication is the secret to a good relationship” meme long ago, so the impulse to be upfront is their default response. They tend not to see the utility in  keeping that information, or being ambiguous about it, plants a seed of competition anxiety. When she KNOWS she’s your first, you’ve just abdicated the frame to her in any kind of relationship. Second, if she’s your 9th then every girl up to 8 becomes a stamp in her collection to use against you in the first fight you have. Every date you take her on she wonders “Did he take #6 here too?” It’s as if you cheated on her with every previous girl up to her. I should also add that this is the first question a BPD (borderline personality disorder) woman will ask you so she can feel horrible about herself for not measuring up to “your standards” and drag you into the emotional hell-pit with her.

27 responses to ““You’ve been with how many girls?!”


    She: So how many girls have you been with?
    Me: Millions, of course (smirk)

  • caRIOca

    Last tits I sucked before yours were my mother’s, 27 years ago.

  • Brian

    Since when is 50 an outrageous number?

  • LS

    I lost count after 40.


    I really should hire someone to keep the count.

  • Dick Whitman

    law 4: always say less than necessary

  • Deep Dish

    Yes, and…

    Law 5: So much depends on your reputation—guard it with your life

  • xsplat

    I don’t know – I’ve eventually answered this one a few times. Or perhaps at some point when I was pissed off, I volunteered it. Or both.

    It’s not yet been held against me. Hell, if a girl is so into me that she puts up with other girls, she can handle the competition from a number.

    I like the competition anxiety a high number arouses, and there are no shit tests about it. Keep the girl on her toes.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    Worse yet is when the GUY asks the girl her number.

    Worse than that guy is the guy who believes her.


    […] To any woman you’re trying to bang. Published: November 23, 2011 Leave a Comment Name: Required […]

  • Nummm

    I think it’s possible to reason from specific examples like this, to general principles.

    Whatever you come up with, isn’t better than a woman’s hamster. I just never answer important questions honestly. Nothing you can say will top what she can dream up. Just dance around the question.

  • driveallnight

    “No, seriously. How many girls?”

    “Pffft, don’t ask me shit like that. You see me asking you?”

    “Hmmph. You don’t care how many I’ve been with?”

    Smirking: “Well, I can make a educated guess, at this point….”

    “What?! What’s that supposed to mean??”

    Laughing: “Less history, more mystery with shit like that, I say. Hey, pass the Skittles! You eat that whole bag, you’re gonna blow up like a balloon.”

  • theprivateman

    From the date I had with the masseuse on Monday:

    Her: “When was the last time you had sex?”

    Me: “What time is it?”

    Her: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “I have to figure out how many hours it’s been.”

    She laughs really hard and then kisses me.

    Bear in mind that we’re both in our 40s and this shit still works.

  • Waxey Gordon

    Women honestly don’t want to know.

    A girl asked me this once. And I avoided answering, like Rollo suggested. She then COMPLIMENTED me on not answering her. She said, “You always know what to say and what not say. You’re so smart…” And then looked deeply into my eyes with an impressed look on her face.

    A true story.

  • backbreaker

    Her: how many have you been with
    Me: 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough

  • Ken_in_SC (@Ken_in_SC)

    Any man who has ever lived in Thailand or the Philippines does not know the answer to this question.

  • Jordan

    Her (after sex): “So how many sluts have you been with?”
    Me: “Including you? Six.”

    I think if she leaves it open like that, knock her down a peg.

  • Thumpy

    This is an excellent article and I fully agree. Your “number” is something that should never be shared with anyone, ever. Not with your women, not with your doctor, not with your priest, not with your shrink, not with your best friend. That’s for you and you alone.

  • RufusT

    Her: So how many women have you been with??
    Me: How many have YOU been with?
    Her: What???
    Me: Aren’t all you gals bisexual now?
    Her: Well ahhh
    Me: So you got any videos?…No ugly dikes though…..Just you & some
    babe with a favorite vibrator or something???
    Her,playfully: You Prick…..

  • Sinestra

    So my boyfriend always pulls this on me, constantly pestering me about the details of my past conquests. Should I pay mum?

  • Harkness

    I used to be honest about it, but then one day at university I just smiled and didn’t say a word. I had a following of people the next day trying to figure out if I was a virgin or a player. (On my way from rAFC to something approaching Alpha.) Girls I know from uni would casually ask me like it’s some piece of tantalizing information which, I guess to them, it is.

    The next time someone asks you how many lays you’ve had, just smile at them. They’ll bend over backwards trying to figure it out.

  • technical grape

    “All of them”

  • rivsdiary

    most of these answers are just a&a, which can work sometimes, but isn’t proper frame control.

  • rivsdiary

    i will write a full post about this after i finish my current frame control series “frame controlling at the bakery”. http://rivsdiary.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/frame-controlling-at-the-bakery/

  • Wake

    Hi Rollo, FYI this post of yours has been plagiarised:


  • anon

    Is there anywhere one can see all of the iron rules in a list, all together?

  • ¿Con cuantas mujeres has estado? | eltiporacional

    […] Parcialmente traducido de The Rational Male […]

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