christian marriage

January 23, 2020

Exit Dalrock

This is truly depressing.

Yesterday Dalrock announced that he’s stepping away from his blog. Not only that, but he’s contemplating deleting the blog and over 10 years of what can only be described as seminal work in explaining contemporary Christianity from a Red Pill perspective.

I’m not sure what prompted this decision. I want to chalk it up to burnout, but I’m afraid that doesn’t explain the desire to erase a body of work of Dalrock’s magnitude. Everyone gets burned-out at some stage and 10+ years is a long time to sustain a blog that’s as well-thought as Dalrock’s.

I’m talking with Dal via email now and I’m trying to make sense of this decision. Several people have already begun to archive the ‘best of’ Dalrock for posterities sake, but I’m not sure this aligns with his desire to remove his work entirely.

I’ve been friends with Dalrock for 10 years and it’s no exaggeration to say that no one has done more seminal work on examining Red Pill intersexual dynamics in the context of mainstream Christianity than Dal. His blog has been the go-to place for discussing the Red Pill within a framework of Christian convictions for as long as I’ve been blogging. In fact, we both began blogging at around the same time and we used bounce ideas off each other on the old RooshV forums in a private discussion sub Roosh himself had set up for the likes of myself, Dalrock, Roissy (for a brief time) and various other Manosphere notables of that time.

When I first launched this blog I gave serious consideration to include some section or dedicated space to issues of Red Pill awareness and how religion (Christianity in main) is intertwined in it. I gave up on that idea in the early days of The Rational Male because Dalrock had so thoroughly covered what I knew then would be a necessary part of what was becoming the “manosphere“. And to be completely honest, Dalrock did it better than I had the time to invest in making it worthwhile. So I stuck to my policy of never discussing religion (or politics or race) in specific unless it crossed over into intersexual dynamics.

In these 10 years the one forum or commentariat that I participated in with regularity was Dalrock’s comment sections. I would relate the ideas he was developing to Red Pill concepts and he in turn would use my ideas to better illustrate what he was seeing transpire in Christian dating, Christian marriages, romantic/chivalric idealism and secularism transforming intersexual dynamics in a Christian context. A lot of this came to a head when he (and I) began challenging a new generation of ‘masculinity pastors’ and their own misguided ideals, and their efforts to turn the Manosphere into their pet ministries. It’s these grifters who’ll be toasting the demise of Dalrock’s blog the loudest this weekend.

When I began work on my upcoming 4th book about the Red Pill and religion my first impulse was to coauthor it with Dalrock. I asked him more than once to consider going in on the book with me, but his desire for privacy and anonymity had him decline my requests. Instead I asked if he (and various other men I respect in the christo-red pill community) would be someone I could quote and consult for the book. This he agreed to. In the new book I quote Dal’s blog quite a bit; particularly with regard to scripture and his concepts of marriage and child rearing in our brave new world of gynocentrism.

Dalrock filled a unique position in the ‘sphere. He more than myself has always been a thorn in the side of Trad-Cons & Red Pill Pastors (Warhorn) and their efforts to force-fit their old order beliefs into what the Red Pill was making more and more Christian men aware of. The Red Pill has never been a threat to faith, but it has been a threat to men who’ve built social and personal frameworks around a church culture that validates their Blue Pill conditioned lifestyles. If Rollo Tomassi points out how the Feminine Imperative has replaced the Holy Spirit in contemporary church culture and doctrine, well, he’s just a sinning PUA who can be dismissed. But if Dalrock rips back the veneer of ‘Christian Kosher’ Feminism that pervades the modern church, that’s when these guys have to do their homework.

All that’s gone now. And, potentially, all of that work is at risk of being deleted. All of the well-thought articles that held feet to fire and challenged an increasingly more feminized church (and their male feminist ‘christian’ apologists) to seriously look at itself are going away. And as I said, I’m sure the grifters are rejoicing and seeing it as a sure sign that God is at work in the Manosphere.

Blogs are Dead

I’m wondering if the age of blogging is at an end. 12 years ago blogs were the way to express ideas to a wider audience. Twitter and most of the social media we take for granted today was around, but it was certainly less endemic as it is now. Hell, even YouTube was still privately owned back then. If you wanted to build an online media brand you had to really believe in what you were doing to make the effort worthwhile. Blogging has always been a labor of love. That’s especially true today because everyone on social media today is their own Brand of Me. If all you do it curate an Instagram account with no other function than to show off how great a life you live, congratulations, you are your brand. It’s second nature to us now, but it used to take a lot more effort to relate your digital consciousness to an audience. That was what you used to blog for.

Now, even the most basic social media accounts can be ‘influencers‘. In fact it’s become so endemic that big name brands and their social media PR specialists have figured out that tween-age girls like to think of themselves as ‘micro-influencers’ and “hire” them to represent their brands for as little as a 30% discount on the product itself. As I mentioned in last week’s post, the barrier to entry has been reduced to almost nothing these days. But that ‘nothing’ barrier removes the process necessary to really develop one’s passions, or develop what one thinks about their beliefs. Content is king, but just calling it “content” reduces passions and ideas to a commodity. Are you a content provider or are you an ideas person?

The commodification of ideas, beliefs, imagination, creativity, etc. is really where this ‘sphere and countless others are heading. It’s not hard to start an online brand. Drop-shippers are all basically selling the same Chinese product, but the brand, the logo, the competition is all just a popularity contest now. Want to be a Red Pill dating/life coach? Just read passages from The Rational Male verbatim on a 5 minute video shot on your iPhone 7 and call it your original work. It’s not plagiarism, it’s content deliverables, right?

The easier things are to produce, the more real creativity suffers. Assuming most people in the future actually have original content to deliver, the process also makes them beholden to prioritize the production over the actual product. Blogs are not very good at that kind of prioritization. I was always amazed at how Roissy/Heartiste could produce a blog post a day right up until ‘his’ deplatforming last year. Most of those daily posts were just current event filler crap and C&P’ed comments from his threads, but in between it all there were the occasional strokes of genius. And those genius posts became fewer and fewer in the last 4 years.

I’ve never posted for the sake of posting. Traffic has never been my priority on this blog. Neither has monetization. The message of this blog and my thoughts have always taken precedent. In almost 10 years I’ve never written an essays for an audience. I put forth what I think needs to be considered and hopefully people can use that information to construct a better way of living with it. But in the coming decade pandering to an audiences’ sensibilities will be the only thing most content producers will focus. Audience engagement and content providing is already trumping any real discourse.

And this is the real hard thing to accept about Dalrock’s retirement and deleting himself; it’s 10+ years of real, passionate, ideas and necessary debate that’s been instrumental for men in understanding the state of Christianity, church culture, Red Pill awareness and so many other related issues:

When I think of the wholesale destruction of Dalrock’s work I’m reminded of how violent members of a conquering tribe/nation/religion are prone to destroy the artistic and intellectual works of the society they’ve overthrown. The first order of business is to erase the art, the ideas, the ‘gods’ of the defeated tribe, or to plagiarize the best of it and erase the rest. Burn the books, destroy the symbols, appropriate and assimilate the ideas; in the end it’s an indictment of the one who’s doing the erasing. I have no doubt that once Dalrock’s work is gone there will be ‘grave robbers’ lining up to distort what he built to fit their own narratives and provide them with content to call their own.

And all for what? Roosh has decided to erase himself recently as well. All the work he created that was so influential in the ‘sphere, now that’s traded for a new kind of nihilism. And all the usual moralist suck ups are ready to see him as the Prodigal Son. See? We were right all along. Our faith is validated and confirmed! But all the same problems that brought us to questioning that faith are still where we left them. Only now there’s no one left to point out their inconsistencies. No one’s left to identify the Blue Pill conditioning that’s prompted so many men to leave the churches. No one’s left to call bullshit! Only those grave robbers are left; the same guys who’ve been apologizing for never understanding the Blue Pill or their compromised masculinity because their faith and existence depends on it.

Blogs are dead. Long live The Rational Male.

Just to allay any concerns, no, I’m not shuttering this blog. I’m still going to be writing here and elsewhere. I’m not unpublishing anything. Maybe blogs are now a dead media, but I do my best thinking here. And yes, I fully expect some ‘coaches’ will be lifting my material to fulfill their content quotas. Just be sure to remind them where they’re sourcing it from whenever possible.

I will apologize for not posting as consistently as I have in the past, but this is mostly because I’ve been focusing on the latest book. Like I said, I don’t post for the sake of posting. I craft my essays and I don’t publish them until I think I’ve stated what I needed to state.

April 20, 2019April 20, 2019

Raiders of the Lost Covenant

I hate to begin an essay with an apology, but I feel like one is in order this time. For the past year and a half I’ve been invested in writing my fourth book, The Rational Male – Religion. This required a degree of perseverance, dedication in research, feedback, interviews and general behind the scenes dialoging that I’ve never had to involve myself in before. As a result, I’m less able to devote myself to writing this blog as well or as regularly as I believe I should. For that I’m apologizing here for skipping a week more often than I should.

I’m enjoying every minute of the work I’m putting into the new book, but it is taxing. A criticism I always get is that my books are just re-edits of this blog’s essays, and “Why should anyone buy your books if they can get it all for free here?” Ironically, these are also the critics who berate me for selling out, or they assume pushing my Red Pill books is all I do for a living [insert eye-roll here].

Well, not this time. This time the book will be (almost) entirely fresh material and this takes time, effort and concentration. There will be some material from a handful of past essays, but about 85% of the book is new material.

This process began prior to my publishing Positive Masculinity in July of 2017. I knew then, while still writing my third book, I wanted to do a book on how the Red Pill awareness of intersexual dynamics intertwined with religions and religious mindsets for the series. I began to do some casual research in Spring of 2017 as an aside to the third book. This quickly snowballed into a part time job for me. Now, add this to my schedule with:

The Red Man Group
My own YouTube presence
A few regular live spots and interviews I do
Red Pill 101 I do with Pat Campbell every Sunday
The keynote talks I’ll be giving at three 21 Conventions in 2019
Producing a new liquor brand for my real job this year

Anyway, that’s my way of saying I feel bad for missing a week or two on this blog. The Rational Male will always be my comfortable place to come home to and I want to let you all know, just because I’m posting less in the comments doesn’t mean I don’t read every one. In fact, this is one of the only forums, among dozens, I make a point to keep up with consistently.

Covenant vs. Contractual Marriage

Since digging into the new book I’ve gotten in the habit of comparing notes with various religious personalities who I think might give me a better perspective into how aspects of the Red Pill dovetail into religion. Everyone from Jewish Rabbis to Greek Orthodox ministers (?), to the Muslim faithful, to Evangelical pastors have been on my discussion list for two years now. One notable of late was Dr. Everett Piper, the recently retired president (chancellor?) of Oklahoma Wesleyan University.

Dr. Piper has a regular segment on the Pat Campbell radio show that comes on a half hour before I go on with Pat every Friday morning at 9:05am EST. The link to all our archives is in the sidebar.

Listen to the full discussion here

Last Friday Dr. Piper and I had a discussion about the state of marriage today. I’m loathe to call it a proper “debate” because there’s a lot that he and I agree on with respect to the value of marriage for men and women – at least, the value of what marriage had in the past and should mean to men and women going forward. Marriage is always going to be a persistent hot button issue in the Manosphere. Depending on what your personal, moral and/or rational beliefs are, marriage is something to be actively avoided or something only to enter into with the most serious degree of vetting and caution. Today’s marriage is defined by the dangers it poses to men. Unfortunately, this caution is rarely a consideration for most Blue Pill conditioned, Beta men.

Another area that Dr. Piper and I (and the Manosphere) agree on is the ‘feels before reals‘ priority our feminine-primary social order has embedded in our social consciousness. Today, the “correct” way to address a decision is to lead with our emotions, but it’s exactly this ‘feelings first’ idea that leads men to disregard the life-damaging potential that modern marriage poses to them.

I took the pro-avoidance side of this discussion. And, as usual, I always have to qualify my doing so first; Yes, I’ll be married for 23 years in July. Yes, I’m still happily married to the same woman and have never been divorced, nor have I ever considered divorce. My marriage’s success is directly attributable to my Red Pill awareness and putting it into practice. Mrs. Tomassi and I are still very much in love, we’ve raised a gorgeous and smart daughter to adulthood, and I think my marriage is as close to most people’s ideal as can be.

And yes, I would still never remarry were I to find myself single tomorrow – I simply cannot endorse marriage, as it exists today, as a good idea for any young man. Remember, this is coming from a guy with a damn good marriage. As MGTOWs are fond of saying, endorsing marriage today is leading the lambs to slaughter. I agree. It is simply, statistically, the worst decision a man can make in his life at present, yet so many men want to believe they won’t be one of those statistics.

This confuses a lot of people. Fundamentally, I think the institution of monogamous marriage has been one of the bedrocks of success for western civilization. Marriage is a good idea; it’s how we execute it in the late 20th and 21st centuries that makes it one of the worst prospects imaginable for men. So, I’m technically not anti-marriage; I’m anti-never-saw-it-coming-Pollyana-how-could-she-do-this-to-me?-hypergamy’s-doesn’t-care marriage.

This was my position going in to this talk with Dr. Piper. Have a listen to the whole segment if you have the time, but what we distilled it down to is the idea of a Covenant Marriage vs. a Contractual Marriage. This was the premise used to describe the divide between marriage how it should be done – religiously, personally, devotionally, how it was done in the past – and the way marriage is now – the worst contractual liability a man can enter into. Needless to say a lot of qualifications followed this.

By my understanding a Covenant marriage presumes a mutual religious reverence and understanding of what is expected of a man and a woman before they enter into marriage. It is founded on the agreement of two individuals who believe they are better together than they are apart. On paper this sounds good, but it presupposes quite a bit – particularly on the part of that woman today. I’ll detail the reasons why in a bit, but I take the Covenant definition of marriage to mean that there’s a mutual understanding between the man and woman that they are marrying for love in accordance to what they believe is their religious and monogamous obligation. Fine. We’ve got a model for marriage that is set apart from the Contractual model.

The Contractual marriage is one based on mutual support and an insurance that this support will continue even if the marriage itself dissolves. MGTOWs liken this to a bad business contract that, were it not marriage, no right-thinking man would ever agree to sign off on.

Contractual marriage is the standard for today. Dr. Piper sees this model as the “what can I get from my partner marriage“, but you can decide for yourself if you listen to the discussion. I think this is a bit disingenuous since it implies that men’s only consideration for agreeing to what amounts to a bad business contract would in any way make sense due to a desire for getting what he can out of what’s already a bad deal. Why marry at all if what you’re taking away from it is nothing you can’t get outside of marriage without the risk?

Essentially, Contractual marriage is the marriage-divorce-support structure that men are wisely hesitant about today. Dalrock once noted that sometime after the Sexual Revolution “we moved away from the marriage model of child rearing and into the child-support model of child rearing“, and I think the Contractual model of marriage becoming the default was an integral part of this.

If you’ve ever watched the documentary Divorce Incorporated you can see the machinations of the Contractual form of marriage at work. This is just a taste of some of the real world consequences that accompany Contractual marriage’s liabilities. However, I think going in – and with the emphasis on leading with our feelings – most men have idealistic, Covenant marriage, expectations for their marriages.

It sounds pretty good, right?

And for the premarital sex mindset it’s the only game in town if they want sexual access. So, it serves a purpose to convince oneself that a man’s spouse is necessarily on the same page as they are with respect to his idealistic concept of love (versus a woman’s opportunistic concept of love). This is where most Beta men get themselves into trouble. They presume their ‘bride‘ to be shares his mutual idea of love, and combined with a potent cocktail of dopamine and endorphins, he leads with his Emotional Process rather than his Rational Process.

Off the Books Marriage

While we also discussed the issue of Responsibility vs. Authority in marriage, what got me was his marching back the question about separating a ‘Covenant’ marriage from the ‘Contractual’ marriage. This is something I’ve discussed with MGTOWs occasionally. Would marriage work if you removed the state and any entitlement to the cash & prizes liabilities from the equation?

I brought this up because this “private ceremony”, off-the-books unofficial marriage is what saved my friend Anthony Johnson from losing his ass in his own divorce. He wasn’t wise enough to see through his ex’s deceits, but he was smart enough not to involve the state in his marriage.

I was genuinely surprised to hear Dr. Piper disagree with the idea of separating the marriage models we’d discussed at the time, but to have him state that he wasn’t willing to somehow give up on the heroic fight to reform the ‘Contractual’ marriage was, in hindsight, kind of disingenuous. In both instances, with respect to headship and authority, and the reluctance to let go of the contractual definition of marriage (especially after making such an impassioned case for a covenant marriage) I can only come to the conclusion that Dr. Piper’s position on marriage is influenced by the feminist undercurrent prevalent in the church today – and without his really realizing it too.

Once again the fiscal considerations of not offending women’s (feminist influenced) sensibilities comes to the fore in another religious leader. This has been a constant theme among the Pastors and church leaders I’ve been interviewing since I started the fourth book.

Churches are business franchises today and if you want to keep the tithe checks forthcoming in order to keep the lights on pastors and church leaders need to prioritize the sensibilities of the primary consumer in the western world – women. It’s gotten to the point now that church leaders have internalized that women’s eyes and ears will be judging their words minutely in sermons and public appearances to ensure their Pastor is on ‘team woman’. This is why opposing a separation of Covenant marriage vs. the Contractual is literally a ‘no brainer’ for these men. They don’t ever think about it any other way because they’ve already adopted the feminist zeitgeist that’s assimilated their churches. To endorse that separation is to deny women their potential for cash & prizes if a man displeases God by making them unhappy.

I think maybe I expected more from Dr. Piper. I was hoping to find some common ground, but I think he may be committed to a doctrine that panders to the Feminine Imperative without realizing it. When we got to the part about headship (Corinthians) he came right out the gate with pre-qualifying headship vs. being a domineering asshole. I’ve come to expect this from a female-primary church that deemphasizes male authority. In fact, it redefines that ‘authority’ as responsibility before you get to discuss any other aspect of what women might allow as “headship”.

It’s like a mental illness with these people. If a wife isn’t perfectly happy and beautiful it’s the husbands fault.
It’s a disgusting view of marriage which can only increase unhappiness for the average Christian couple because there’s no way to keep a woman happy all the time, and, age means women are going to get old. It’s part of life, and it is enough for a woman to age gracefully without these Pastors trying to brainwash men into thinking that any lack of beauty is their fault.
7817 dalrocks Blog

Imperfect Men Vet Imperfect Women for Imperfect Marriages

The “You should’ve vetted better” or “You should’ve married a ‘real’ Christian woman” excuses are something I encounter a LOT from Christian church leaders. Dr. Piper also used this one too. It’s really the Christian version of the Quality Woman dilemma.

As I’m working my way through my fourth book and on The Red Pill & Religion this is one cop out I get regularly. Apparently no ‘real’ Christian woman would ever initiate divorce and if men were only Godly and wise enough to discern from the outset of ‘courting’ that their “bride” wasn’t a fully devoted woman of Christ then it’s their fault for marrying her – or their fault for screwing up God’s perfect plan for his married life later in the marriage. This is ex post facto rationalization that reinforces moralistic beliefs, but also justifies the reaming you’re going to take in divorce court for not being wise and Godly.

It’s basically another play on the No True Scotsman logical fallacy. “They not ‘real’ Christians/Muslims/Jews/Krishnas/etc.” should be the subtitle for my new book, I’ve heard so many times.

Deus Vult

When it comes to debating church leaders I simply cannot win the “God says so” clause. This is another obstacle to discussing Red Pill ideas in a religious context. It’s an appeal to faith that is always the go-to response to issues I bring up that they have no real answer to. That, or they don’t want to answer for fear of offending the Feminine Imperative in the church today.

“Contractual” marriage is an all-downside proposition for men today. I tried to make my best case for why men shun it in the discussion. Naturally, there’s a common impulse for Publicity Pastors to AMOG from the pulpit and shame men for avoiding marriage, but they can’t argue against the marriage stats and the life-destroying fallout of divorce for men. It’s all too verifiable. The marriage & divorce rates today are unignorable, so men deductively go with the pragmatic response and avoid marriage or go MGTOW.

All that means nothing to the faithful Christian mindset. “It doesn’t matter if contractual marriage is one of the worst decisions a man can make today – “God says you should marry.”

“What about the incentive of cash & prizes women have in divorce?”

“Doesn’t matter, God said get married”

So I can’t argue with the divine creator of the universe. God says jump, so you jump. That’s the absolutist-moralist win button for any rational argument to the contrary.