Casualties

I’ve been meaning to write this post for some time now. I’d thought about it again in August when the James Holmes Colorado theater shooting incident occurred. There were plenty of other incidents I’ve had over the years to contemplate this premise, and unfortunately I’m sure there’ll be more in the future.

As a few of you know I live in Central Florida and we’ve recently had a shooting at an area salon. More recently over the weekend there was this incident in Milwaukee as well. As a writer and thinker immersed as I am in red pill awareness, and an observer of the Matrix in general, the first question that comes to my mind when confronting stories like these is to wonder about the perpetrator’s personal life. There are a lot more notorious killers than these to speculate about – James Holmes, George Sodini, Seung-Hui Cho(VT shooter), Anders Brevik, etc. come to mind, but there are far more inconspicuous killers and incidents that go unreported.

When I read about killings, and often suicides, of this nature I find myself wondering about how the shooter’s Matrix conditioning contributed to his mental state. These are uncomfortable questions for me, especially considering the direct loss of life, when I take into account that what I propose here, the observations I make about the feminine imperative and the correlations I come to in part or in whole may influence the decision for a man to kill his wife, his children, his girlfriend or himself.

Average Frustrated Suicide

The first guy I knew to commit suicide over a woman was my brother-in-law. I don’t like to go into too much detail about it as critics may think it’s my casus belli for getting involved in the manosphere, but suffice to say it was after a 20 year marriage and 2 children. My sister-in-law promptly married the millionaire she was seeing less than a year after he was in the ground. This is a real point of contention her family and I have with her, but it was his terminal  beta-ness / ONEitis conditioning that greatly contributed to his hanging himself. The psychologist in me knows there are plenty of imbalances that dispose a person to suicide, but I also know there are plenty of external prompts that make taking action more probable.

My brother-in-law hung himself as a response to having the unthinkable happen to him; his ONE, his soulmate, a woman he was very posessive of, was leaving him after 20 years of marriage (for a millionaire we discovered later). She was the ONLY woman he’d ever had sex with and had been (to the best of my knowledge) a faithful and dependable husband and father since they married at 18 and 19. He did the ‘right thing’ and married her when he’d gotten her pregnant at 17 and stuck by her, sacrificed any ambition he had and worked his ass off to send both his kids to college – an advantage he’d never achieve. He wasn’t a saint by any means, and I’m not going to argue my sister-in-law’s motivations, since those aren’t my point; my point is that he was an AFC who never came to terms with it and believed his life was only completed with his ONE. He literally couldn’t go on without her.

He couldn’t kill the beta (if he was even aware of it), so he killed himself.

He never displayed any sign of mental illness, he wasn’t an aspie-geek, never saw a therapist, never had issues with depression even up to the day of his suicide and generally had his shit together for the most part. We can call crazy “crazy”, but when I read reports of 16 y.o. boys gunning down the parents of their 14 y.o. girlfriends so they can “be together as they were meant to be” there’s more than just mental consideration to account for.

The Illness

AFCness (for lack of a better term) I see as a form of conditioning. If a man internalizes for the majority of his life that he “can’t live without” a woman and he has even mild self-esteem issues or personality disorders it may be that he literally can’t live without a girlfriend or wife.

The second person I’ve known to take his own life was a radio DJ named Nick. Nick decided swallowing a bullet was preferable to life without his ONE girl. I’m not faulting the girl with his suicide for breaking up wiith him, quite the opposite actually. It’s this proclivity for which men have been socialized into AFCness that makes for fatal actions like this. As part of my coursework in college I once counseled a 17 year old girl who’s former boyfriend stabbed to death (30 times) the guy she broke up with him for. He’s doing life in prison now because “She was his soul-mate.” I had to shake my head when I read The Game and about how Mystery got (gets?) suicidal because, although he’s a master PUA, he’s never addressed the AFC that he still is inside.

Now let me be clear, in no way do I mean to infer that these women had anything directly to do with these guy’s suicides. They only did what women will do as hypergamy and their conditions dictate. These men were both 100% responsible for their own deaths. And that’s just it, it was their ego-investment in their Beta-ness (for lack of a better term) and in their ONEitis that killed them. It was their inner AFC that drove them to suicide.

This is why I argue that ONEitis is a mental disorder, and in extreme cases, has the potential to be terminal. As I stated, if a man internalizes for the majority of his life that he “can’t live without” a woman and he has even mild self-esteem issues or personality disorders it may be that he literally can’t live without a girlfriend or wife. I wont blame women out of hand – put simply, women will do what women will do according to their conditions. So when paired up with an AFC and then quite understandably she wants to leave him either for her own good or a better option, this AFC extremisim comes into play. Honestly, I think this degree of an AFC mentality is comparable to Borderline Personality Disorder in neurotic women.

The reason I’ve followed and written in the community at all is because I believe the effort I put out in order to free Men’s (and women’s) heads of damaging ideologies is worth it if it saves a life. I mean that literally. Whether it means preventing an immediate suicide or a slow death in an AFC marriage, so be it.

The fundamental delusion that all suicidal AFCs entertain is the Fallacy of the ONE. They are predisposed (and pre-whipped) to ONEitis even when they are still dateless virgins. I realize this runs contrary to the popular belief that ONEitis is an all-consuming concern to identify with one solitary woman. This presumes the AFC is in an LTR of some kind with an actual subject to base his ONEitis on, however it’s really only one half of the equation. Most men are predisposed to ONEitis before they stumble into an LTR. Essentially they prepare themselves to identify wholesale with what feminized society tells them is their responsibility as a man to do. Once that purpose is removed from them, once they can no longer measure up to even a marginalized hypergamy, this is when men conditioned by the feminine imperative consider suicide as an option.

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M3
Guest

It’s scary how much i can relate with this. I’m gonna have to remember to link to this post when i release my ultimate AFC of my past life post.

necorochi
Guest

“I had to shake my head when I read The Game and about how Mystery got (gets?) suicidal because, although he’s a master PUA, he’s never addressed the AFC that he still is inside.” Same here, I could almost foreshadow that happening in the book because I’v always had a vibe that mystery was leaning towards the emo side. “This is why I argue that ONEitis is a mental disorder, and in extreme cases, has the potential to be terminal. ” I would say patent this idea, but as you know to many people are plugged in and would not… Read more »

thepatriotblogspot
Guest

A dangerous move. The only winning game is not to play!

trackback

[…] No more of this simpering idealized Disney, feminist garbage about being incomplete without a woman’s love, being derelict, lost, confused and suicidal to oneitus. […]

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

Great article. But I’m going to propose a different explanation. Oneitis is not a mental disorder, it’s a genetic trait that varies significantly in the male population. If you don’t have this trait it looks like a severe character flaw, or a mental illness. If you don’t have this trait you can’t imagine getting so fixated on one woman. This trait exists because it’s reproductively favorable, of course. Evolution has arranged for some percentage of the male population to be genetically incapable of alpha-dom. Neurological research has shown that sexual attraction triggers the same neural pathways that are triggered by… Read more »

thepatriotblogspot
Guest

The manosphere has provided a plethora…..a cornucopia of reasons for man to never get married. However, I think this example has to be the most profound I’ve ever encountered. We need to make this video VIRAL for men everywhere……especially for the troops who will never see a betrayal of this nature coming!

Marksman
Guest
Marksman

At its core, one-itis comes from self-doubt: (1) an uncertainty of your ability to get another woman of equal or greater sexual/intimate value and (2) an anxiety that you can independently be happy without a woman.

Through self-investment (mastering game, working out, reading, exploring the world), you can grow your seduction skills and attract other beautiful, tender women. However, as Rollo elaborates, only by jettisoning the feminized world-view (that men are only complete with a woman, and there are pre-disposed steps that all men should/must take) can you fully eradicate the deeper, more complex anxiety fueling one-itis.

Jack
Guest
Jack

I think the real untold story both “in” and “outsdie” the matrix is how unbeleivably cruel and cut throat women can be. We are raised to see women as these innocent fawns to shepard through the wilderness when in reality, they are as cold and as calcuated and as selfish as the worst of society. That’s really not a bitter statement. I know that’s what most people will say, but my life experiences sing a different tune. I genuinelly think men are much rore loyal and compassionate. I think my coming to grips with it arrived when I was banging… Read more »

Adam
Guest
Adam

Man, I miss Orlando. Lots of cuties and UCF is a haven for 8-10’s. I need to get my act together and move back down there before I hit 30.

taterearl
Guest
taterearl

I can relate…in my “bad old days” of being an AFC the times I would be most depressed and wonder what the heck is it worth living…was because a girl broke up with me or I wasn’t having any luck with women. Sure I would still function in the world but it was hard to sleep, eat, or find any motivation. Since I discovered the manosphere…I haven’t been hit by depression or even any depressing thoughts, I sleep like a baby, and everything in life has become more enjoyable. By knocking women off the pedestal, life became worth living again.… Read more »

Mark Minter
Guest

I swear I was contemplating leaving you a comment on exactly this subject. Something along the lines of the value of this blog in suicide prevention.

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you fucking kill yourself.

AnonJohn
Guest
AnonJohn

whats weird is that my dad, who is not really much of an alpha at all, told me the best advice ever when i was kid.

“son, women are like street cars. you miss one and another will be along in 15 minutes”

best game advice ever unknowingly from my dad who i might have to reconsider now!

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

Marksman At its core, one-itis comes from self-doubt: (1) an uncertainty of your ability to get another woman of equal or greater sexual/intimate value and (2) an anxiety that you can independently be happy without a woman. First, apologies for arguing like a woman, for taking my own experience and using it to make a general case, but I know this not to be true. I have shut down many opportunities for sex because of a tendency to oneitis. I have never enjoyed sex without an emotional connection. I find it empty and depressing. My acid test with a new… Read more »

M3
Guest

Bypassed the video initially to read the post. Just finished watching the video. Absolutely painful to watch.

Someone should start a campaign that says ‘Feminism/Amanda Marcotte hates the troops”. That’s always a great campaign tool.

Mark Minter
Guest

After your posting about my comment, I searched Google and found how the comment had been re-posted to other sites. The comments common about me were “angry”, “bitter”, “needs therapy”. One poster said they had been to Facebook account and I liked both men and women. The Facebook account has been locked down for years and no one count read it. I guess that was my first troll. This blog has done more for me than 100 therapists could have done. When I was in the Marines overseas, there was a thing in the barracks or outside called the Jody… Read more »

Marksman
Guest
Marksman

Chuck,

There is a difference between one and *the one*. It is perfectly okay to see one woman intimately and stay exclusive. However, to wrap your life and spirit behind one woman, to devote entirely and unconditionally, and to believe that there are no other that can substitute her place–that is one-itis. There are MANY good woman, of which you see one at a time.

Dark wolf
Guest
Dark wolf

Chuck Hammer,

I can relate to what you are saying. I am the same way. I want to be cold and calculating and bang multiple women but tend to prefer just one. But I am slowly reshaping myself since it is just extremely difficult to find a decent woman these days. I was on the mgtow path but slowly getting out there to get some bangs now.

Dark wolf
Guest
Dark wolf

Mark Minster with another home run. Mark, when’s your own blog going up?

jlw
Guest

What about “NONEitis”? A condition described as both (1) the inability to ever, in one’s entire life, establish a romantic relationship with someone to which the sufferer, in turn, feels attaction, no matter what the sufferer tries, and (2) the inability to give up on relationships entirely and find some other outlet? Perhaps THAT is what James Holmes, George Sodini, Seung-Hui Cho, and Anders Brevik were suffering from when they went on their respective rampages? Are sufferers of ONEitis and NONEitis comparable? What controls can we put on NONEitis sufferers to stop them from rampaging? (e.g. put them in camps,… Read more »

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

Marksman There is a difference between one and *the one*. It is perfectly okay to see one woman intimately and stay exclusive. However, to wrap your life and spirit behind one woman, to devote entirely and unconditionally, and to believe that there are no other that can substitute her place–that is one-itis. There are MANY good woman, of which you see one at a time. I completely understand your point. But I’m proposing that for some men oneitis is not a choice or a moral weakness, it’s a biological reality. This seems obvious to me. Women have less genetic variability… Read more »

siquaeris
Guest

I was with my ex-wife for 24 years, married for 18, when I caught her cheating. I had spent my whole adult life working for our family and trying to help her and them be happy. As far as I knew, our marriage was good. Near the end, I knew she was going through a tough time, but we were working on it… or so I thought. When she cheated, I cannot describe the level of emotional pain I was in. I can understand some people not being able to handle it. My ego was completely smashed. That was how… Read more »

mbmusings
Guest
mbmusings

I see a lot of similarities between a male AFC’s ‘Oneitis’, and a woman becoming an ‘Alpha Widow’. Both result from being dumped, instead of the one doing the dumping. Often by someone overly idealized in their mind. Men can vaccinate themselves against permanent AFCness by dating a variety of girls when young before settling down. This used to be common advice given to young men. Given a taste of variety at this time of their life, they are less likely to be stricken by a case of Oneitis. For women, prevention is the only cure. To reduce the chance… Read more »

anon
Guest
anon

My dad killed himself when I was 12 after my mother left taking his 4 kids. Her reasons are vague but one of them was that she had ‘no social life’ (aka ‘unhappy’). Its not easy relating with a mother who effectively pushed the button which triggered your father’s suicide. Manosphere thinking helps me to understand what went wrong but it will always be difficult to excuse her of all responsibility just because its ‘in her nature’. I am pretty sure that some form of beta-ness / AFCness / ONEitis social conditioning also contributed considerably to this event. By leaving… Read more »

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

I see a lot of similarities between a male AFC’s ‘Oneitis’, and a woman becoming an ‘Alpha Widow’. There are some similarities. Also an important difference. Women become alpha widows after fucking men of significantly higher smv. The future husband just doesn’t stack up. Men generally don’t have that option unless the woman somehow miscalculates the man’s smv. Men get oneitis after having a lot of sex with one genetically compatible woman. That neural pathway lights up like a Christmas tree and the dopamine feels really, really good. So the antidote for oneitis is to have sex with many women,… Read more »

Pierce
Guest
Pierce

This should be close to the start of your book Rollo, because Oneitis is definitely causing casualties. (Where’s is the book Rollo? I’d buy it if you just stappled your entire blog together) [I am compiling and editing it now into a more book friendly read. It also doesn’t help that I keep writing new material I want to add. I actually have enough material for at least 2 books] A friend I lived with killed himself because his wife at the time was leaving him. He was 28, no kids, smart, funny, well employed, but because of Oneitis felt… Read more »

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

A friend I lived with killed himself because his wife at the time was leaving him. He was 28, no kids, smart, funny, well employed, but because of Oneitis felt his life was over so he put a shotgun in his mouth and his brother found him. Despite having suicidal thoughts I toughed it out after being ditched by the person who I felt was my alter ego. I had the pleasure of catching up with her about 20 years later. In her mid-forties, never-married, she was a woman who could have married well into the upper class. Instead, through… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest
3rd Millenium Men
Guest

Rollo this is perhaps THE most important article I’ve ever read in the history of the Manosphere. Really, really profound. Thank you for writing it.

JG
Guest
JG

Good, thought-provoking comments, men. Thanks for doing your part for the rest of us who had no choice other than to swallow the blue pill because we were raised in feminist homes.

3rd Millenium Men
Guest

This song is totally beta, but it gives a good indication of those feelings of despair: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-w3WfgpcGg If you ever leave me, baby, Leave some morphine at my door ‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication To realize what we used to have, We don’t have it anymore. There’s no religion that could save me No matter how long my knees are on the floor (Ooh) So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m makin’ To keep you by my side To keep you from walkin’ out the door. ‘Cause there’ll be no sunlight If I lose you,… Read more »

Dark wolf
Guest
Dark wolf

I highly highly recommend reading books such as Pimp by Iceberg Slim and the 48 Laws of Pimpology by Ken. Also read books on Stoicism. Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius.

YaReally
Guest
YaReally

I think Tyler Durden, while still awkward at times, is a good case of someone who 180’ed their life/outlook/etc in a positive way from AFC to PUA. Mystery is still kind of out there in his own world but Tyler for the most part these days is a pretty chill upbeat guy with a healthy view of life overall compared to where he started out which was as a prime candidate to end Sordini/Holmes style: http://youtu.be/k08ESEOyYBc It’s a tough road though, a lot of guys don’t make it through to the other side and get stuck in weird PUA limbo.… Read more »

immoralgables
Guest
immoralgables

@YaReally. Careful trying to convince your buddy not to get married. I read about a study today on Reddit (TIL, I think) that said when you try convince someone to believe in something that is the opposite of their belief, or if you try to provide contradictory viewpoints, it only hardens their view and beliefs in the current idea that they believe in. I have a couple buds that are on that train and despite my outpouring of logic and reason as to why they should avoid it, they are still in the conductors seat throwing coal into the engine… Read more »

The Other Jim
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The Other Jim

On face value Rollo, I agree with what you’ve written. However, there’s something else that comes into play here that I think you’ve mentioned before and that is men are the real romantics, not women. Despite spending their whole lives toiling and sacrificing, men still place themselves at the ultimate vulnerability to women all for love. Despite all the rational evidence that show how financially and emotionally risky marriage is for men, men still get married with a female controlled guillotine in plain view. I’ve come to the conclusion that men’s belief in love and romance is nothing less than… Read more »

Jacquie
Guest

This is one of the most important posts that needed to be written. It was attending the funeral of a friend just as we were learning about the Red Pill that caused my husband and I into the shock of the reality of what was going on around us. We knew he’d taken his own life, but the reasons were talked about only in hushed tones. Not many want to talk about this, but it has to be out there and more often. Thank you.

mikec74
Guest
mikec74

After your posting about my comment, I searched Google and found how the comment had been re-posted to other sites. Call me a conspiracy nut, but I am beginning to think there are spies who patrol this site and the comments and posts. I’ve seen some out of place citations here and there. I believe there are people out there who are literally terrified and I mean absolutely petrified about the core of these messages getting internalized by too many men. One thing I am coming to believe is that the feminine imperative essentially requires ignorance from men. Ignorance is… Read more »

Tertullian
Guest
Tertullian

Really great comments so far — Rollo, great post.

I’m surprised we’ve made it this far in the comments without a snide, insulting diatribe from “King A” belittling and mocking those men who found the grief too much to bear, and took their own lives. I suspect we won’t have to wait too long for it though.

Dark wolf
Guest
Dark wolf

King A does make some good points. Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater

Team-Red
Guest
Team-Red

http://youtu.be/7_5A8Q_Tzc4 Joe Rogan on improving any aspect of your life. On marriage however, by now I think all Men know that it’s a calculated risk knowing that your wife can just drop you in a heartbeat and take half your money, the kids, and leave you for broke. It’s unfair and the justice system in this country is a fucking joke, but that’s just the way it is. If a man doesn’t realize that by now and is surprised when the justice system rapes him in the ass once she becomes “unhappy”, then he was just ignorant and dumb getting… Read more »

Team-Red
Guest
Team-Red

And everyone should check out the Joe Rogan podcast on itunes, it’s a great fucking listen everyday.

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

Personally if I was the soldier in that video, I would’ve bailed the country and headed towards Canada or South America. Nothing is ever worth taking your own life or someone else’s. That soldier’s problem would follow him to Canada or South America. The problem is the yawning abyss that separates who he thought he was from who he turned out to be. He thought he was a tough, self-reliant individual supporting a family who cared about him and protecting a country that valued him. He discovered that he’s a naive and gullible chump who’s been used and abused by… Read more »

YaReally
Guest
YaReally

@immoralgables Oh ya, I don’t even try. Every guy thinks “oh sure, that sounds bad, but that won’t happen to ME. That’s OTHER people, THOSE girls were just whores or crazy, MY girl is special. You wouldn’t understand, you just pick up drunk low self-esteem bar sluts, you don’t know what love really is.” On top of that, even if he knows it’s not a great idea, most people in general have no experience standing up to social pressure and everyone has a scarcity mentality with the belief in “The One”…they cave and try to make nice so that nobody… Read more »

Gregarious Wolf
Guest
Gregarious Wolf

My first cousin just committed suicide last year. He was in a tumultuous relationship with his high school sweetheart. They had been on-again off-again for most of their lives until they married a few years ago. She was some manner crazy bitch, I don’t exactly know what kind. She was lazy, deceitful, and abusive. He was a pillar in the community, business owner, popular in his church. I think she finally drove him nuts until he felt there was no choice but to put a gun to the side of his head. I swear I thought a fight was going… Read more »

Case
Guest
Case

Yeah, commenter earlier wrote about how after discovering the manosphere he’s just happy. That. I’m a stranger to Rollo. Wouldn’t recognize him if I saw him. But I run about my divorced life, I excel at my work, I hit the gym hard, I raise my kids, I meet a lot of ladies, am getting back into writing. And I’m happy. Just happy. Absolutely no need felt for a woman. Or to splice it differently – it was so obvious, it was ubiquitous, it was a fucking habit – to get divorced and start “dating” – looking for the next… Read more »

Underdog
Guest
Underdog

I’ve just had a lightbulb gone off in my head and you guys can tell me if it’s just a brain fart or if it’s been mentioned before: An alpha is a man who follows the masculine imperative and completely disregards the feminine imperative. The feminine imperative says take girls out on dates and be gentle. The masculine imperative says fuck that — escalate, escalate, escalate, close, close, close. The feminine imperative says make the girl cum first. The masculine imperative says fuck that — I cum. The feminine imperative says commit to a girl and wife her up. The… Read more »

AD
Guest
AD

Somewhat related to the topic, though from the other side.

http://www.lrb.co.uk/v34/n20/emily-witt/diary

YaReally
Guest
YaReally

@Underdog: yep. You got it. The Manosphere cavemen just lit fire for the first time. 😉 A LOT of game concepts (frame control, passing shit-tests, being unreactive, peacocking, qualifying the girl, busting on her, leading the interaction, escalating, etc) stem from that idea, that an alpha is a man who follows his own path and doesn’t allow anything to deter him. Naturals will fuck 5s because they don’t care that you don’t think she’s hot. A PUA will avoid monogamy and frame an open relationship because he doesn’t care if society doesn’t approve of it. Hell, a man can be… Read more »

Johnycomelately
Guest
Johnycomelately

This seems to be a big problem in countries where prostitution is illegal, particularly in the US.

A friend cured his intense suicidal Oneitis by hitting the local bordello for a while, it certainly returned him to a sensible frame of mind.

Underdog
Guest
Underdog

Yeah, and by that definition a beta would be someone who defers to the forces outside of his masculine bubble — whether it be other men or the feminine imperative — to dictate his actions. When a beta seeks sex from a female, he approaches it from a position that appeases the feminine imperative by speaking in ways that wont offend her, putting her on a pedestal, treating her like a snowflake, committing, investing, etc. He’s basically saying “How do I appease you? Am I good? Do I serve your needs?” An alpha would be thinking in terms of “You’re… Read more »

David
Guest
David

I have a question for The Other Jim : From what I understand your cousin’s ex wife has to return 50% of the joint bank accounts during divorce court? Right? I have read that the family court judge would rule the account joint property and order the ex spouse to return half the money. Of Course, the cases where I read about judges ordering the return of money is when the man empties the joint account…. Did your cousin attempt to fight in court for his money back? Also, from your perspective, financially speaking is your cousin or his ex… Read more »

John Galt
Guest
John Galt

That video told a very tragic, specific story. Yet, the media puts the blame on his suicide squarely on PTSD. And the stories quote his “wife”, not “ex-wife” (links below). Does anyone have a 3rd person story confirming the details in the video? I can only find one father’s rights site that got his info entirely from the video. Because zero of the facts in the video were reported through mainstream media (his divorce, losing his job at Merrill Lynch, etc). I want to believe the story is true but I always “trust, but verify” http://woundedtimes.blogspot.com/2008/06/major-lance-waldorf-suicide-spotlights.html (story is linked from… Read more »

Dan
Guest
Dan

Rollo…..if you’re going to talk about an incident in “real life” at least make
the fiction accurate. If your “brother-in-law” committed suicide than it would have been because his wife…your sister dumped him. If your “sister-in-law” dumped him then he would have been your brother.
You cannot have a “brother-in-law” who was married to and dumped by
your “sister-in-law”. It’s little details like this that make “sermonettes” hollow and useless because of the obvious falsehoods involved.

[Either that or it was my wife’s sister’s husband who hung himself dumbass.]

John Galt
Guest
John Galt

Dan – I think Rollo means his sister in law is his wife’s sister, though not sure if his wife’s sister’s husband should technically be called his “brother in law”, but that’s just semantics.

Apollo
Guest
Apollo

@mikec74

One thing I am coming to believe is that the feminine imperative essentially requires ignorance from men. Ignorance is bliss so to speak.

Agreed. Women are portrayed as mysterious because it’s in their best interests that men don’t try to understand them. Because once you get a look at them like they really are, you’ll never treat them the same way you do when you beleve the lie. Imagine how different society would be if all men understood women for what they are.

[The Feminine Mystique]

The Bastard
Guest
The Bastard

After he accidentally knocked up the love of his life back in high school a good friend of mine did the “right thing” and married her. After a year or so, she decided she wasn’t happppyyy anymore and filed for divorce out of the blue. My friend couldn’t understand where she was coming from at all and had a mental breakdown. Shot his wife and baby son then popped himself. Last thing anyone expected, he was one of the nicest, most well-adjusted guy I’ve ever met. Keep up the good work Rollo, if you can help stop even one of… Read more »

Andy
Guest
Andy

Even Jim Morrison, by any estimation an alpha, secretly had Oneitis…not unusual in artists. No point in trying to disentangle the mysterious circumstances surrounding his death in Paris in 1971, but ostensibly he quit the Doors to go write poetry and get away from the pressures of fame. But in fact he was miserable there, drinking himself to death, not creating anything of substance, and then he was dead at 27. Who was he living with? Pamela Courson, a skag-whore who sounds like she was borderline, and OD’d just a few years after Jim died.

Roger Bedford
Guest
Roger Bedford

Preach! I can’t even imagine killing my family, all because some chick decided she found a better deal. There may be a lull in the action, but I am fully confident that I could find another babe hotter than the exiting one within 6 months TOPS. You need to have faith, and serious game to combat the fem friendly mindset that permiates our world today. Now, if a chick is cripplin me through my wallet ($$$), I might have to seriously consider chokin somebody!

Sword
Guest
Sword

This site, the old one ‘solvemygirlproblems’ and hertise, pulled me out of a similar dark place I was in, I had been a virgin through my early 20s, I was hit on a lot but thought ‘the one’ was worth it. I ended up ‘loving’ a slut who played me, I was used because of my own weakness.

I am so glad I left that behind, I see these males in similar straits, and want to help them but cannot.

huh
Guest
huh

You guys are taking the pussy off the pedestal and putting cynicism on it. Guess what, if this kind of cynical view of women and the world was actually worth it, the majority of men would subscribe to it. They would aspire to that kind of attitude. The reason they don’t is being they want something more than pounding random girls that ultimately mean nothing to them. As some of the guys here have related, you can be attractive and have options and still be looking for that. Access to pussy is not the only thing that influences what you’re… Read more »

Dillon
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Dillon

I don’t wish death upon anyone but I fully support suicide for anyone who is dumb enough to kill themselves for any reason. The only reason I would try to stop a suicide is if they agree not to reproduce. We have enough weak people in this world.

Women aren’t good or bad. They just are. Just like a rattlesnake isn’t good or bad. The onus is on the man to learn to protect himself.

Both, thinking women are good or they are bad is pedestalization.

Pedestalization comes from a lack of understanding.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Is it cynicism or is it pragmatism? I wonder if Love is what inspired the soldier in the video to make the sacrifices he did? There’s no doubt in my mind that my brother-in-law was inspired by love to make his own sacrifices. Most blue pill men think the red pill is only about fucking as many women as humanly possible, but it is far from that. The red pill is about awakening to an awareness of one’s unrealized conditions. I’ve never suggested a man destroy his romantic soul in order to pursue some scorched earth policy of harem building.… Read more »

Underdog
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Underdog

Huh:

Most men are blue pill betas. What they subscribe to is irrelevant.

Also, love is not what inspire men, it is actually the masculine need for sex that does.

If men could get endless sex with whomever they want whenever they want, they would never feel the need to delude themselves with “love”.

Chuck Hammer
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Chuck Hammer

@Dillon

Thank God you showed up to straighten everyone out.

Cluebat for you. The problem is the LAW. The entire stinking complex of unconstitutional statutes and regulations that systematically advantages women and violate men’s fourteenth amendment rights.

Your superior knowledge and intellect will not protect you should you ever find yourself on the wrong side of the divorce/child support/domestic violence industry.

Joseph of Jackson
Guest

@Rollo

That video is sooooo primal. I still can’t get over how the guy even lays out a tarp so he doesn’t mess up the house when he kills himself. The degree of expectation placed on men today is simply beyond ridiculous.

Dillon
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Dillon

@ Chuck Hammer

You misunderstand. A man should never marry or even make any kind of long term investment in any one woman. Laws or no Laws.

@ Huh

You are using the idea of love to propose that men should give to society but don’t make the same demand from women. It doesn’t work that way.

Just as women have been freed from giving to any one man, men are freeing themselves from giving to any one woman. Equilibrium.

John Galt
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John Galt

Joseph – reiterating my concern about the video, in “real life” he killed himself at a cemetery (see my links above). What other parts of the video are fiction?

tom
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tom

great post.

Joseph of Jackson
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@John Galt

I understand that you are concerned with the historical accuracy of the video. I’m not sure that was the intent behind producing the video. The point was that a war hero would do this at all (anywhere or for anything). You are missing the forest for the trees.

Chuck Hammer
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Chuck Hammer

Dillon
You misunderstand. A man should never marry or even make any kind of long term investment in any one woman. Laws or no Laws.

Fair enough. I know I won’t be telling you anything you don’t know when I say that plan has a few holes if generally applied by all men.

The Other Jim
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The Other Jim

@ David. The problem my cousin initially encountered was trying to find representation. You see, the gal’s father is a superior court judge and the sister and her husband were prosecutors in the same town. There was some reluctance to take up the case with some lawyers because of professional and personal conflicts. Seriously. The other problem encountered was she had representation all set up at the time she left and was quite prepared to make his life miserable if he wanted to fight it out. The choices available were to sign the divorce papers to let her get out… Read more »

Dreamer
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Dreamer

@Rollo – I thought about and I seen others make to huh’s argument at other places. I think your response is inadequate as I don’t he points is toward the post itself. It is basically best demonstrated by the humorous irony of your response to huh and underdog’s response right under yours. My understanding in the argument of your response that the criticism is misplaced. As you never said, you never once advocated to “kill the romantic soul” for a harem. That you speak for pragmatism by recognizing and understanding the human condition. The irony is the comment below (not… Read more »

Underdog
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Underdog

Dreamer:

I think the gap in understanding here is that you and Rollo talk about love in an abundance/game aware sense while Huh and I are talking about a scarcity/oneitis/the one frame.

I don’t think it’s delusional to romantically woo a worthy girl and emotionally bond with her. But to think that she’s “the one” to a point where oneitis develops and you start making art and shit to express your desperation… I think that line of thinking comes from the lack of mating opportunities more than anything.

Good Luck Chuck
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Good Luck Chuck

Most of this oneitis stuff is a lot less about men who believe in some ridiculous soulmate myth and a lot more about the legions of “average” men out there who have few options on the dating market, even before you account for the grieving period after a breakup when they are sexually repulsive to anything with a vagina. If a man invests his heart and soul into a woman (what most non-sociopathic men tend to do in a relationship) and cupcake decides to leave he knows he is likely in for one helluva dry spell. If every man had… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

I think there’s something to the theory of genetic bias towards one-itis. And I also understand and agree with Rollos emphasis on our social conditioning. I have mild OCD tendancies myself, and have spent most of my life since age 3, or maybe even before, infatuated with some girl or another. And it hasn’t always been about a lack of abundance – I’d be with one hot and sexy girl and pine for two years over some old broad. The part of your brain that is overactive when you are in love is the same part that’s active in OCD.… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

Maybe I should have said that I used to have mild OCD tendancies. As a youth and during part of adolescence. But there remained remnants of OCD in my yearnings for girls I routinely became infatuated with. I’m sure that this is a very common human experience, but that some of us experience it more than others. And I’d wager it has to do with some hard wiring. Also, that hard wiring is plastic, and dating a lot of girls over a period of many years helps to rewire somewhat. But when my mate of 1 year died a few… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

Even when I’ve had two or three girlfriends concurrently (and other options at the ready), losing any one of them can be painful.

Less painful than when a girl carries all my eggs, but still painful.

I don’t really see that as a mental malfunction that needs to be repaired. It’s more of a feature than a bug. You just need to know how to manage your vehicle with maintenance and repair and choosing your route in mind. There will be times like that. They don’t particularly need repair. They just come and go, and that’s fine.

John Galt
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John Galt

Joe – completely disagree. This video is presented as fact, not fiction. It is used as an example of how the current system is screwing the typical divorced guy, with salt in the wound because he was a honorable man who served his country. The fact that the video is a completely made up story of an actual person is ridiculous. It completely undermines the sound points of how men get screwed by the system. It sets everyone back, not forward. I am sure there are plenty examples of true stories out there to use without resorting to fiction and… Read more »

Joseph of Jackson
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Joseph of Jackson

@John

This is one of those things we will have to disagree on. In the video, there are multiple voices from different men. This is not intended to be one man’s story, but a representation of everything the system does to men like this. I admire your zeal, we simply disagree on what the video intended to show.

YaReally
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YaReally

Love =/= one-itis just as drinking =/= alcoholism.

Loving a girl is fine, I’ve loved the shit out of a handful of girls over the years. Needing her to complete you as a human being to the point where the functioning of your life is dependent upon her being a part of it, is where the one-itis is.

RufusT
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RufusT

These absolutely ruthless women, cold, calculating & remorseless with the crushing, impersonal powers of the state behind them……It’s going to come down to the “Strangers on a Train” solution as the Gender Wars become just that…..Check out the Hitchcock movie to see what I mean…..

trackback

[…] Oneitis causes death. […]

3rd Millenium Men
Guest

This article leading the charge is the first time I’ve added a post to the ‘Absolute Best of the Manospohere’ since I started the blog 3 months ago. Great stuff Rollo, keep it up. For all mens’ sakes.

http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/manosphere-wisdom/

walawala
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walawala

had a conversation with my American-based colleague in a bar in Hong Kong. He’s 50 or thereabouts and what i would consider “alpha”. But in this bar he said he had been there a few nights prior and some “22-25 year old” was checking him out and that meant he was still desirable. Then he continued. He said he couldn’t pursue it because it was “statutorily inappropriate”. I asked whether 25 was illegal. He said at his age “yes”. I’m around that same age and went home to bang the 25 year old who comes over, worships the ground i… Read more »

walawala
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walawala

Gamma
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Gamma

“I’ve seen some out of place citations here and there.”

Mike, I`m not sure I quite understand this. People cite the comment fields of this site at feminist blogs?

Steve Canyon
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Steve Canyon

It’s really easy to say a guy needs to go out and date a lot of women and shack up with as many as they can, as if the average guy trolling the manosphere is a latent Alpha. What’s a guy to do when the reality of his situation is that he’s a lot closer to the Omega side of things? The guy that’s socially awkward, Asperger’s, nerd/dork/geek or other member of the untouchable social caste? How does that guy avoid oneitis when, in all likelihood, one is about the best he could hope for?

FNG
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FNG

Does anyone else here see the similarity between this portrayal and the movie “Coming Home”? Everything the guy thought he stood for, including the country he was fighting for and the wife he loved, shit on him when he got home so he took a swim. The woman I was dating at the time didn’t get that he was not coming back from the swim and called the whoring wife and her crippled love interest “star-crossed lovers”. Even then, while totally blue pill, I thought “WTF.”

Vic
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Vic

When my pastor friend stepped onto the freeway to kill himself it wasn’t because he wanted to die, he wanted to stop the pain. When I swallowed sleeping pills with a 40 of beer it wasn’t death I wanted, it was for the pain to stop. When the cognitive dissonance (Romanticism/One-it is/whatever) begins copulating with your mind, your reality, the frustration is so violent that self-execution is peaceful in comparison. Thank God Rollo brought this subject to the front of the line. Suicide is NOT a solution any more than deciding to use pain killers is a solution when what… Read more »

Ted D
Guest

I’ve seen similar things happen often with guys serving over seas. I get that it’s damn hard to remain faithful to a man you don’t see. But people need to stop signing up for things they can’t stick to. They are writing checks their bodies can’t cash, and it brings a world of hurt and pain to people that usually don’t deserve it in a real sense. It’s one thing for a guy to put himself into a situation that in the end bites him in the ass. (guilty as charged in fact) But a man putting his life on… Read more »

koevoet
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koevoet

A woman who cheats on her husband who is deployed is a traitor and should be dealt with as such.

Jody
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Jody

It’s ironic to me that people are talking like the military is a great institution and everyone in the military is a hero while blaming marriage and women for getting men killed. Here’s a tip: the military has killed way, way more innocent people than ONEitis has. I can’t seem to spare any tears for a veteran who committed suicide because I’m too busy wondering how big his necklace of human ears was while he was deployed. I can’t help but wonder if his being driven to suicide was some kind of cosmic retribution for some atrocity he committed overseas… Read more »

hisoj
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hisoj

fyi jody, our soldiers don’t collect human ears, and even back when that did occur war crimes were typically punished by the military.

and as far as war crimes go, collecting ears are not that big of a deal.

Ted D
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Ted D

Jody – I hope you enjoy your freedom because it was earned by the blood and tears of the soldiers you despise so much. I don’t put my faith in our government, and there is nothing “noble” about our leaders. But guys risking their lives so I can go to work and support my family have earned my respect.

But whatever. I’m feeding the trolls again.

Ron Ritzman
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Ron Ritzman

I can’t help but think that the millionaire that Rollo’s brother in law’s wife left him for should shoulder some of the responsibility for the suicide. Here’s a supposedly “alpha” man who could have had his choice of women but instead his “oneitis” led him to break up a family. This is similar to the biblical story of King David, who you would think would be as alpha as they come with a very wide selection of wives and concubines, gets “oneitis” for Bathsheba and arranges for her husband to die in battle.

YaReally
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YaReally

Props to our soldiers for the job they do, I would never want to do it myself. But with regards to helping women cheat (ie – being the other man), here my logical but controversial view on and part of why I don’t have qualms about doing it: If her dude has been gone for a few months and he’s going to be gone for a few more months, and she stays home, cool. But if she gets all done up and comes out to the bar, she’s looking to cheat. She might pretend she isn’t, she might not even… Read more »

Wudang
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Wudang

Jodi, imagine yourself in the year 1960. The US deceides that since armies and soldiers and all that killing business is evil it won`t do it anymore and dismantles its army and destroys all weaponry, becoming the only country in the world, except some tiny ones) without an army. How long do you think it would take before your parents would have lived in the most recently added part of the Soviet Empire? Regardless of what you think is a good strategy you should have respect for the troops who from their perspective are willing to risk death and trauma… Read more »

Wudang
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Wudang

“But instead I cut off all contact with her when she broke it off with me, despite her occasional drunk/horny txt every few months. I wish them the best and I hope they can make things work and as much as I liked banging her, I hope I never hear from her again.”

Well aren`t you a saint.

Chuck Hammer
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Chuck Hammer

A recent case is a girl I was banging for a while who was engaged. Amazing chemistry between us and we had a good time (her man’s sex drive was pretty much nom-existent and he was purely boring routine missionary sex in bed), but once they set a wedding date she started feeling guilty and decided she should try to be a better fiancé and broke things off with me. When I was a young guy and still pretty inexperienced with women, a woman said to me, “you’re the marrying kind.” I don’t remember what I said in response but… Read more »

b-166-er
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b-166-er

Even though Im a black male, its still painful to watch white men get their “ni–er wake up call”.

But its got to happen. Its the only way some men will ever wake up.

For example, black people have a “messiah complex”, we are always looking for someone to follow, copy…

being crushed economically while under a black president is the best way to force black people to lead themselves and stop acting like children.

“everything is in mint condition; meant to be that way”– Richard Pryor

Chuck Hammer
Guest
Chuck Hammer

being crushed economically while under a black president is the best way to force black people to lead themselves and stop acting like children. Don’t take it personally, it’s an equal opportunity crushing. The bigger picture is that maintaining a first world country requires a sufficient fraction of the population believes in justice and fair play and acts accordingly. When that social contract breaks down you get what we have now. President and Congress enriching themselves, a tiny elite devouring the wealth of the nation, the productive carrying the unproductive on their straining backs. There’s more to this than just… Read more »