Flashes of Alpha

I was about 26 when I was in the waning days of dealing with the neurotic hell that was the BPD woman I had become psychologically ensnared with for almost 3 years at that time. I was sitting in her dorm room wondering just what the hell had happened to the sexualized, happy, and indifferent Alpha junior-rockstar I had been just a few years prior. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’d gone from idealistic teenager, to organic Alpha, to a defeated, needy beta on a dangerously close slide into omega-tude. Some part of me knew what I needed to do, and as my living situation gradually began to deteriorate the very real prospect of cutting myself loose from who I believed was my “soul mate” only made my depression worse. However, that same part of me was also pissed off.

That relationship was defined by my sickly childish beta mentality combined with the insane co-dependent ravings of a psychotically jealous BPD girl. For her, my character was to be beta, so on the rare occasion I had the temerity to actually get pissed off it was a real call for alarm with her. For a brief moment I had flashed Alpha and that was always a shock since it was so out of character. From the time I was 17 until I was 24 that Alpha was who I was in a more or less natural sense, but after years of my BPD’s constant barrage of insecurity, and my endless attempts to ‘perfect myself’ in order to cure her neurotic jealousy, I was apologetic for any outburst of Alpha no matter how just and righteous my reasons for being so were.

Roissy and a few other manosphere notables have written about how flashes of anger and semi-justifiable bouts of indignation can be a powerful form of demonstrating higher value (DHV). Sometimes these burst are in fact genuine and/or unprompted responses to a situation. These Flashes of Alpha serve as source of stimulus, a shock, to a woman’s regulated, routine perceptions of a man. Semiconsciously checking out another woman, Freudian slips, provoked and unprovoked aggressive responses are all intrinsic examples of these Alpha flashes. It’s a man’s internal Alpha refusing to be restrained by all the social doctrines and conditioning of the feminine imperative.

Unbeknownst to me at the time I was shocking my BPD in a similar fashion back then.

For all of the on again, off again sexual insanity present in that relationship, the occasional flash of Alpha served to spark what had devolved into self-shamed episodes of frigidity dotted with incidents of porn-worthy sexual highs. At that time I didn’t have the fortitude of mind to think that tapping that Alpha energy full-time would make anything better – actually I bought my Matrix conditioning that Alpha was misogyny and to be avoided for fear of offending women’s sensibilities – but I found that when I expressed concern as to where I was going in life, my BPD interpreted this as a threat of losing me (the parasitic host). Just my contemplation of mustering the balls to leave her was both Alpha-exciting for her and cause for hysteric panic at the fear of losing me.

I can remember the day I discovered she’d been fucking some new guy at the college she attended. I lost my fucking mind. There I was, a beta with the patience of Job, content in the amniotic bath of the feminine Matrix conditioning that told me I was doing everything by the rules when she finally copped to the truth. She didn’t tell me outright, I had to discover it by way of her making it so obvious that I couldn’t ignore the truth. Then, Mr. Self-Control who’d tried for so long to allay the fears that he’d be his BPDs loyal boyfriend, Mr. Self-Control who’d endured years of neurotic accusations of even looking sideways at another woman, that guy put his fist through the bathroom wall while she was still in the shower.

I didn’t even think about it. It wasn’t some bravado or some dramatic attempt to convince her, myself or anyone else about how badass I wanted to be – it just happened. I don’t know how else to explain it, but the old Alpha flashed, and at that point her first inclination was to want to fuck me. She made a lame attempt to put on the black lingerie she knew I liked, but I knew she’d fucked this other guy in. The Alpha flashed again. More gina tingles. Then it dawned on me that just a day earlier I had shook hands with the same guy after she’d introduced me to him as one of her classmates. The Alpha was back.

Alpha Shock

I think what a lot of men experience in Matrix-defined relationships has a lot to do with this cycle of Alpha shocks. By way of pre-established beta frame abdication or by a progressive slide into beta supplication, guy’s girlfriends and wives ease into an normalcy where their man is not living up to be the Alpha they’d hoped for, or later realized they truly needed in their relationship. So when that LTR begins to decay and the very real prospect of divorce or breakup is looming, these sporadic flashes of Alpha (really flares of frustration and anger) serve to make a woman pause in her hypergamic assessment of him. For all the seeming discernment women claim to require is necessary to become sexual with a man, that hypergamic sense of discernement is far more pronounced for women to leave a man whom they’ve already established a sense of security with.

There is a greater need for certainty in a woman’s decision to leave a man than there ever will be for her to fuck a man for the first time.

I’ve posed the question to women before, what’s the best sexual experience you’ve had; after a date-night where your man spared no trouble or expense to make a “romantic evening” for you, or was it the make-up sex after you’ve had a blow out fight, just a hair’s breadth from him walking out of your life forever? Every one has said the make-up sex was best – some conceived children as a result of it.

Those flashes of Alpha are cyclic. Women thrive on indignation to be sure, but it’s the uncertainty in their hypergamic doubt that makes it exciting and the mundane beta security sufferable. A lot of what men construe as Drama Queen behavior is the direct result of this beta-Alpha-beta cycle. The more stable, healthy relationship follows an Alpha-beta-Alpha frame where the man maintains his Alpha presence, with just an occasional beta episode to “prove he’s human”.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

33 comments on “Flashes of Alpha

  1. Nice Post.
    I guess everyone has a few alpha traits here and there. Before unplugging some Cocky Funny came from me naturally along with some word play.Post unplugging one gets surgical precision, and balls.

  2. content in the amniotic bath of the feminine Matrix conditioning that told me I was doing everything by the rules when she finally copped to the truth

    I’m not sure whether or not to give you a slow golf clap for this or throw up a little bit.

  3. When I was 20 years old I had a skank of a live-in girlfriend who was very good at pushing my buttons. I remember three times where she pissed me off to the point where I couldn’t control my rage and chose to vent my frustration on inanimate objects. The first was my truck windshield, which was surprisingly forgiving. The second was the bedroom door, which was hollow, so it only stung for a couple of minutes. The third was a concrete wall. That was HARD as a motherfucker.

    Moral of the story- if you’re gonna punch something, make sure it has a little “give”.

  4. Heh, women and word plays. Have noticed that these usually tend to be lost at sea, even if being far from Blackadder-style pun volleys. Childlike-simple seems to be the safer bet and keepes one farther from the perceived nerd-zone. “Cute” word plays of course are another matter altogether.

    I love to use the Cleese/Chapman-trademark, tho’: absurd listings of similar things or characteristics to make a point, sort of.

    1:55 on.

  5. Moral of the story- if you’re gonna punch something, make sure it has a little “give”.

    Ha, I broke my hand punching a solid wood door thinking it was hollow, good advice.

    Another bit of advice to newbies, hammer fist anything your going to punch, knuckles and metacarpals are quite fragile.

  6. Displays of anger, not taking any and calling women on their shit and no apologies for said displays of anger do work. Recently had a verbal dust up with a gf over the way she casually and flippantly categorized me in a text message. She didn’t acknowledge me as I felt she should and I swiftly checked her on it. Two days went by and she did all the calling and phone messaging to convey her regret. We talked when I was ready to, she apologized and stated with much recognition that I was “mean”. I was outcome independent, maintained frame and didn’t apologize for my “mean” behavior. She suggested and paid for a weekend getaway for the two of us, post fight, despite my “mean”ness. A nice, paid for weekend reward just for displaying Alpha traits. Unplug, develop your inner game, instill dread and being outcome independent will establish you as the Alpha she so craves. I am a living witness of this.

  7. It’s already been mentioned that it’s very important not to apologize.

    A trick some girls naturally do is to deliberately enrage you, in order to guilt trip you into remorse for being enraged. This gives them victim status and hand, and then you are supposed to emotionally make it up to her by sucking up.

    Don’t apologize, and don’t promise to never do it again. “I’ll do it again if you behave like that again”.

    Also, I think a problem is that guys are afraid to show their fierce masculine natures with women. We show them our soft side as habit. This leads to women walking all over us – as Rollo said, “nature abhors a power vacuum”. We expect them to act like partners, but as we know, that is an expectation of the deceived. It should be second nature to fight the power battles before it gets to the blowup stage.

    But some women seem to crave discord, and will occasionally prompt for anger. They might not be full out BPD, but have occasional high conflict personality or borderline traits. In that case giving abandonment instead of a rush of negative attention helps to stop the cycle – leave her for a few days – even if it means renting a hotel room.

    But women are relatively high conflict. Being conflict averse is a major relationship problem for men. As is trying to be stoic all the time. We equate being stoic with being in control, when actually we can gain real control through conflict.

  8. I tried to kill the Alpha but he struck back with a vengeance of such thermonuclear proportions that all who know tremble for I am here.

  9. Great Great article!!! I was entangled in a LTR with a BPD woman off and on for ten years!! I would pay REAL money if someone could go back in time with that pill and give it to me….what a damn waste of time..the bitch tried to kill me three times…..but the sex….was….intoxicating!!! Survived, learned a bunch….and was well on my way to my current status when Vox first started blogging about Alpha game…..and Wow!!

  10. I never really have been the alpha type because it never was my personality. I knew my actions and thoughts and the way I approached things were tenants of the “BETA” mentality, but I wasn’t aware there was a name for it. However, my first alpha shock right out the gate was a bonafide earth scorcher.

    The most recent lil’ missy was really good at guilt trips and shit tests. I also wasn’t aware of the term shit test even though I’ve experienced many of them. But the new me deals with a whole lot less nowdays than the old me did. I went off like the 57MT Tsar Bomba the Russians detonated and just toasted everything.

    Having read up on the rationalization hamster I was fully well prepared for its multiple heads and thorns of scorn when I saw the comments “what did I do wrong” and “I can’t believe you’re acting like this.”

    Knowledge is power. Educate yourselves guys. We can ill afford as a species to keep allowing women to gain ground.

  11. Xsplat,
    Indeed. I feel that although the default manliness would stem from the position of being a calming/stab(i)le presence, putting the foot down at times has to be included in the very same gamebook. At some point must the line be drawn.

    And think about them for example listing the (presumable) contents of, say, your make-up cabinet/arsenal, going on and on. I’ve used this one with the predicatable qualifying results. Nasty me.

  12. Interesting. I almost never use this myself. My emotional state simply doesn’t fluctuate enough for me to “lose control” in anything other than a contrived fashion.

    I feel like we would benefit from GBFM right about now.

    “I puncha da hoez like chris brown. They tingles and we go butthex like tuker max rhymes with goldman sachs and the bernakified fiat money. lolzololz”

    … or something like that.

  13. Might work at the moment, but displays of anger will probably re-cast as emotional and physical abuse (of wall), giving her an excuse to push you even more. Best make-up sex is right before you never see her again

  14. Been lurking on the blog for some time now… This post strikes a cord. Can you expound upon the “Drama Queen” dynamic you mentioned at the end? I have experienced WAAAY too much of that shit and I’m fucking sick of it. It’s gotta be something I’m doing to perpetuate this vicious fucking cycle of bullshit drama. (its happened with multiple girls, that’s why I finally wished up and assuming responsibility)

    Thanks for any feedback, I can get much more specific if need be, but I’m guessing you already know what the fuck it up.


  15. Matt:
    I don’t want to put words in Rollo’s mouth. But what he’s saying is the sort of woman who actively seeks out drama in a relationship, is one with a higher than average hypergamic instinct and a Boyfriend whom she considers Beta.

    In essence, relationship drama is a form of shit-test. If you adopt a submissive frame and back down, you fail. Instead you have to deflect the drama and display to her that it’s unimportant to you.

    As with all shit-tests this is an indicator of interest (she wants to see your alpha chops). But if it happens too often it means she’s not confident in her assessment of you and feels the need to keep testing to determine where you fit on the scale.

    The best way to make this behavior stop is a heavy dose of jealousy and dread game. To the point where you feel like a serious asshole for doing it. All of a sudden your girl is wondering if maybe you found someone younger and hotter. Is she about to lose you? etc. This establishes your role as the prize and the alpha without her needing to test. Also, because she’s now pursuing you, the relationship is less predictable and more exciting. Thus she doesn’t have to fuck things up just to break the routine.

    This is what Rollo meant by the difference between a Beta-alpha (during the drama)-Beta relationship and an Alpha-beta (just enough to make sure you’re human) – Alpha one. Drama queens thrive in the former dynamic because they constantly need to shit-test the beta. However when dating an undeniable alpha, they don’t need to constantly assess his status, and thus they tend to be much better behaved.

  16. You can’t take responsibility for a womans BPD traits. Some women have high conflict personalities. You can mitigate their episodes, but you can’t cure their shit tests once and for all.

    One way to deal with conflict is to out-conflict the girl. Scream at her for all the hotel guests to hear. She wants drama? Give her 10 times more than she bargained for. Another way is to trigger abandonment. Ignoring her is usually a TERRIBLE way to deal with it. The girl will just up her negative behaviour until you respond, even, and especially if it means you snap.

    Women hate equanimity. It makes them insecure. Ever hear women say that they can’t tell if a man loves her until he hits her? That’s the principle of how much they need a strong reaction from you. They can’t rest until knowing they can move your emotions. Equanimity to them means you don’t care.

    People think that being stoic is the route to power, when in reality conflict is the route to power. Fuck equanimity.

  17. SpecialK,
    Thanks for elaborating on the last, vital paragraph, my conclusion too. Namely that dramatism amounts to a kind of sh*t testing. From what I’ve seen in friends’ etc. relationships, the dynamic of the two mindsets vs. the amount of dramatism is well demonstrated.

    So you go au naturel. That’s most laudable, yet rather naughty.
    (Apologies to all for turning the commentary into a frat party…)

  18. I live to see women making the blonde’s retarded and disappointed facial expression. It gives me a power surge

  19. I don’t know if you will ever see this post, but this is nearly the EXACT same situation I was in. It is insane how beta-izing a BPD girl can be with her reflection she gives of yourself, how ensnared you become.

    Ugh, it was disgusting. As painful and as much as I lost, I would actually go through it again (in another life) just for how much it shocked my world into reality.

    -Brothers from another mother, keep the fight alive

  20. I don’t see manufactured relationship drama as a shit test. For a lot of women, drama and love are one and the same. This is especially true for women in their teens and 20s. It’s highly dysfunctional, but it’s really common. It tends to decline in later years, although not for all women. In many respects, it helps to explain the psychology of attraction to the bad boy.

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  22. You guys have got this all wrong re bpd girls and being Alpha. Bpd sufferers have a built in perceptual problem that they dont think they are truly lovable and that you will leave them or once you truly figure them out not love them… basically they know they they are pieces of shit and do anything to deflect that. Sooo, acting flippant, high value and like you don’t give a fuck is either going to make them more crazy or leave you – basically it will activate their autorejection/ flight or fight response. So too putting them back in their place as they will then get scared you have power over them again triggering said responses. The ‘Alpha’s ‘ here might not like this but the only way to truly deal with the bpd is one of 2 ways…
    1. condition your mind for sympathy/empathy recognising your dealing with a scared little girl in a hot adult body and brush off their shit behaviour by not reacting albeit with love and tenderness (without getting hurt and showing the bpd your hurt otherwise that will make them feel worse)
    2. by ignoring/ leaving/ walking away. Again like with a child if it exhibits bad behaviour you don’t acknowledge the behaviour by giving it a reaction. Agree with ppl saying apologising is the absolute worst as then not only does it get the bpd a reaction and also they know they are acting like a fuckwit so you apologising makes you look lower value.. it would to anyone. And they know that each time they need to feel better they can just create drama.

    So anyway the crux is acting too cool for school or trying to establish dominance doesn’t work, these bpds will fight back even harder like a wild animal fighting for survival.

  23. Put it another way… What’s a frightened antelope going to run away from or fight for dear life the most against… a giraffe or a tiger?!

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