Women in Love

Men believe that love matters for the sake of it. Women love opportunistically.

Today’s pull quote comes from Xpat Ranting’s blog. The discourse there is brief, but insightful:

I really, really, really hope the myth that girls are the hopeless romantics gets kicked to the curb ASAP. Everyone needs to realize that men are the “romantics pretending to be realists” and women; vice versa

I found this particularly thought provoking – Men are the romantics forced to be the realists, while women are the realists using romanticisms to effect their imperatives (hypergamy). This is a heaping mouthful of cruel reality to swallow, and dovetails nicely into the sixth Iron Rule of Tomassi:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6
Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.

In its simplicity this speaks volumes about about the condition of Men. It accurately expresses a pervasive nihilism that Men must either confront and accept, or be driven insane in denial for the rest of their lives when they fail to come to terms with the disillusionment.

Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.

In the same respect that women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives, women can’t actualize how a man would have himself loved by her. It is not the natural state of women, and the moment he attempts to explain his ideal love, that’s the point at which his idealization becomes her obligation. Our girlfriends, our wives, daughters and even our mothers are all incapable of this idealized love. As nice as it would be to relax, trust and be vulnerable, upfront, rational and open, the great abyss is still the lack of an ability for women to love Men as Men would like them to.

For the plugged-in beta, this aspect of ‘awakening’ is very difficult to confront. Even in the face of constant, often traumatic, controversions to what a man hopes will be his reward for living up to qualifying for a woman’s love and intimacy, he’ll still hold onto that Disneyesque ideal.

It’s very important to understand that this love archetype is an artifact from our earliest feminized conditioning. It’s much healthier to accept that it isn’t possible and live within that framework. If she’s there, she’s there, if not, oh well. She’s not incapable of love in the way she defines it, she’s incapable of love as you would have it. She doesn’t lack the capacity for connection and emotional investment, she lacks the capacity for the connection you think would ideally suit you.

The resulting love that defines a long-term couple’s relationship is the result of coming to an understanding of this impossibility and re-imagining what it should be for Men. Men have been, and should be, the more dominant gender, not because of some imagined divine right or physical prowess, but because on some rudimentary psychological level we ought to realized that a woman’s love is contingent upon our capacity to maintain that love in spite of a woman’s hypergamy. By order of degrees, hypergamy will define who a woman loves and who she will not, depending upon her own opportunities and capacity to attract it.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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2 years ago

I’ve been binge reading your blog for a week, reading “the best of” section from start to finish. This article, even for someone redpilled is a punch to the gut when you realize the full implications. It is like another commenter said… In the religious level.

2 years ago

So basically you’re saying unless her hypergamous needs are not recognized in a man she can’t love him. Ok, that’s where men need to walk away.


[…] that a woman is just waiting to meet a higher status man and leave him. It supports men seeing all women as the same. No nuance, but hurtful […]

11 months ago

@Maira Nice in-depth post. Unfortunately loving women for positive traits that they have worked on (essentially for their personality) seems to be a trick in itself, for women push men away who love them too much (I think this is largely due to the war brides dynamic, AKA the horrible way that men treated women throughout much of history). The more that a man loves a woman for her personality (as opposed to for her pussy), the worse the end result is for the man. Ultimately, women want to be objectified, at least while they still have some sexual market… Read more »

10 months ago

Maira’s comment ( https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/27/women-in-love/#comment-20291 ) is the best I’ve read on this post, and on “Men in love” and on “Appreciation”. I’m a man in mid 30s , and I’ve accepted the truth of these articles, as they agree with my experience. However, I must say, that the way we men love (and idealize for women to love us) is actually stupid, and inferior to the way women love (or whatever they feel, if not true love). Unconditional love is stupid love. It’s primitive, potentially leading to sacrifices that nothing and no one deserves. We men need to learn from… Read more »

8 months ago

The entire red pill theory hinges on women loving opportunistically. It leaves no room for the woman who loves unconditionally. In my experience many men who find the unconditional woman shamelessly take advantage of her desire to let the man lead, treat her as disposable because they believe she will tolerate any infidelity, any transgression and they devalue her if she tries to stand up to the abuse. I have seen no room in the red pill mode of thinking that helps a man recognize the difference between these two types of women, because there REALLY ARE two types. The… Read more »

8 months ago


Women only love Alphas unconditionally.

It’s the man that creates the desire in the woman. Not the woman that offers the desire to all and sundry.

Women do not love chumps / any random guy unconditionally. In fact, they don’t love them at all – which doesn’t mean they don’t marry them etc..

It’s man dependent.

All women are capable of loving a man unconditionally, it’s just how much of a bad arse alpha he needs to be to bring that out in her.

4 months ago

I have my kid but after swallowing many Red Pills I find myself unable to enjoy life anymore. I think I am going to go on living due to my kid. I want him to become and independent man. I feel betrayed by my parents, my sister, and my cousin girls. I do not understand how is that nobody ever told me these simple truths. There are so many beautiful things on this planet but, as a creature, I feel I was not ready for this life. Every woman I meet is just a reminder of how little money I… Read more »

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