“Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect. – Henry V
Pride is one thing that people get very confused about. It’s a healthy thing to have pride of oneself, to be proud of our accomplishments; it’s a very real source of self-confidence. Humility is an admirable quality, don’t get me wrong, but humility is only genuine when you’re confident of your own abilities. It takes a humble Man to walk away from a fight that he knows he could win, but chooses not to engage in. Generally humility is only self-gratifying, because only rarely will others appreciate it as humility (those familiar with your abilities) and not view it as cowardice, or at best a lack of confidence. Pride often appears arrogant because people of lesser accomplishments become envious, and people of better accomplishments think less of them than you do. It’s very important not to appear too perfect, but it’s equally important not to seem spineless.
It’s quite another thing to be “prideful”and this is where the disconnect comes for a lot of AFCs, particularly ones with strong ego-investments in morality, chivalry, honor, etc. My old AFC self used to struggle with this as well. The AFC sublimates himself; he self-deprecates because he believes, erroneously, that this ideology will separate him from the herd, make him “not-like-other-guys”. He mistakenly believes that he’s unique in this when actually he’s in the majority. Why? For the answer all you need do is look at the most common threads from guys just recently discovering the community.
I have no doubt that there are some guys who go from zero to PUA and then parley that into some kind of seducer-hood. I would also argue that they are the rare exceptions. Guys don’t search out community forums or blogs like this because they’re getting too much pussy. They search it out because what they’ve been doing isn’t producing the results they want. When you think about this, they’ve been doing exactly what others criticize Game for – they’re working from a script. We like to point out the flaws in autonomously adhering to a script with regards to PUA techniques; you become a social robot, not “yourself”. But from an opposite side, what you’re doing now, or have done, as an AFC (Beta Game) is equally as scripted. The only difference, and far more insidious, is that they’ve internalized these AFC “scripts” that society on whole has conditioned into them as personal investments over the course of a lifetime.
After dropping your AFC mindset for a one based on self-interest, what happened? You probably began to see results. You can hook up with women the calibre of which were previously unavailable to you before, and all it took was replacing your chump behavior and mentality with one of self-concern and self-priority. You might’ve felt like an asshole, people may have said you’ve changed or become bitter, or you’re being someone you’re not, but you couldn’t argue with the results.
One of the biggest dangers of the PUA ideal is that it does nothing to address the root problem of AFCism (for lack of a better term). AFCs don’t want to stop being AFCs. Largely, they just want their ONEitis (or their “dream girl”) to hook up with them long term and then drift back into a comfortable ‘just being themselves’. According to The Game even Mystery, with all his PUA prowess, degenerates into a simpering, borderline suicidal chump when he realizes that his PUA scripts do nothing in an LTR with Katya (his ONEitis). The most notorious PUA in modern history was still an AFC, because he hadn’t killed that mentality, that AFC internalization – he hadn’t killed his inner AFC.
Another very common occurrence is the “reformed” AFC who makes progress toward becoming more Game savvy, and as a result gets his “dream girl”, only to lose her after reverting back into an AFC frame once he’s in an LTR with her. I’m not a big Ross Jefferies fan, but he did say something very profound once, he said “teaching PUA skills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children.” This is probably truer than he realized, because the potential for disaster is much higher. Most guys want that silver bullet, the magic formula that will get them the girl, but it does nothing to prepare them for the idyllic LTR their beta nature has fantasized about for so very long. They don’t become Men, they become children with dynamite. So are we really surprised when the guy who finally gets his Dream Girl as a result of learning Game becomes despondent and suicidal when he loses the “best thing he’ll ever have” when she leaves him? Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD girl and his life’s ambitions fall into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR?
The problem with just employing PUA skills to get any woman is that sometimes it actually gets you ANY woman. There’s no vetting process, no discernment, taught as part of technique. AFCs get so impressed with their new found PUA confidence and getting hotter women, getting their old friend-zone girl interested, or getting women at all, that they have no motivation to think about who they should get involved with. They’re unprepared for emotionally manipulative women, and particularly when they’re more attractive than anything they’d ever had before. They obsess. They predictably get ONEitis, but they develop a ONEitis and in such an extreme case they can be suicidal about a woman they’d previously never been able to attain.
PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones at that, but adopting a positive masculine mindset prepares an AFC for more. An AFC needs to divorce himself from deep set social and psychological schemas – he needs to unlearn the self-delusions that a lifetime has conditioned him to internalize into his personality. Giving an AFC Game skills before this transition will only condemn him to disappointment and despair in an LTR. The more important lesson is learned in the discarding of that old, beta, way of thinking, while understanding the tools and techniques to apply the new, confident, positive masculine mindset.
That’s why I think the focus of most ‘Game’ teachers is completely wrong.
Most of these average guys need to read Way of the Superior Man, and live that life… then they can start micro-managing their interactions.
that s a great book, never under estimate the effects of sexual polarity. A man’s mission is his priority, a number of prerequisites encased but she should be aligning herself to you and not the latter in many afc cases.
I still find it hard to accept removing myself from the social conditioning, psychological indoctrination call it what u will from the final stages of the matrix it really is an ugly truth.
great blog, discovered from hawian libertine
Far too much Game coaching is just veneer of behaviors painted on a rotting board.
Frankly, a good Game mentor/teacher should direct 80% of his energies on Inner Game. Only when Inner Game mastery is achieved should the remaining 20% be taught.
PUA skills are tools, and valuable ones at that, but adopting a positive masculine mindset prepares an AFC for more. I would expand on this by saying that the goal of every man should be to improve himself overall as a man. PUA techniques are nothing more than an imitation of the behaviors of a man who has wealth/status/power (body language, dominance) or shortcuts to making a woman believe that the man is high value (routines and patterns). BECOME that man and the world is your oyster. And you don’t have to become a multimillionaire. Most guys are so average… Read more »
You need to become a man before you can become a PUA?
I like to be a devils advocate on the subject of life’s mission, and being a better well rounded developed man versus focusing on being seductive. Some say focus on your life’s mission, and the women will follow – which is a twofer as compared to focusing on women. But that’s a lie. Plenty of people who focus on business or other interests do poorly with women. Some say that girls eventually are not satisfying to a man, and he needs other interests to keep his heart warm and his mind engaged. That’s partially true – a man should not… Read more »
“However you structure your life doesn’t matter – the point is are you paying attention and getting enjoyment out of it? Are you positively affecting those around you?”
Yes, the ideal man will be an superman in all possible areas. But we have limited resources of time and attention. For me my life’s mission is simple. I want to be happy and healthy. However that works, works. I find pursuing and attaining intimacy with women works. I don’t understand why many people find this surprising or odd. It’s perfectly natural, and perfectly sustainable. No matter what you go deeply into can get deep. For sex you practice daoist inspired tantric chi-kung sex, informed by non-dual meditative insight. Pussy is not a shallow pursuit. For relationship you can explore… Read more »
That reply was meant to be to Blues, below.
“Some say focus on your life’s mission, and the women will follow – which is a twofer as compared to focusing on women. But that’s a lie. Plenty of people who focus on business or other interests do poorly with women.”
But how many of those succesful men have red pill knowledge? there lies the key IMO.
Rollo, I see your point. But we all have to start somewhere. Usually that somewhere is to jolt the AFC out of his chumpitude. The fastest way to do that seems to be, according to some, to get him laid; then set about the business of replacing the rot of his life with new behaviors.
[…] men I do consults with. No, what they want is just enough Game knowledge to connect with their Dream Girl and relax into a blissful beta cocoon of monogamy. They want to commit. Their lifetime AFC […]
[…] that men would rather see Game as some, often underdeveloped, expedient to getting with their Dream Girlthan to exact some revenge upon womankind. When they first become aware of Game, most chumps reject […]
[…] social skills or they convinced themselves that PUArtistry was their easy magic formula to fuck the girl of their dreams, they tend to want to regress back into the comfortable shell of their former ignorance of […]
[…] skills or they convinced themselves that PUArtistry was their easy magic formula to fuck the girl of their dreams, they tend to want to regress back into the comfortable shell of their former ignorance of […]
“Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD girl and his life’s ambitions fall into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR? … AFCs get so impressed with their new found PUA confidence and getting hotter women, getting their old friend-zone girl interested, or getting women at all, that they have no motivation to think about who they should get involved with. They’re unprepared for emotionally manipulative women, and particularly when they’re more attractive than anything they’d ever had before. They obsess. They predictably get ONEitis, but they develop a ONEitis… Read more »
[…] the AFC will use them to some degree of success up to the point that he finds his idealized “girl of his dreams” and launch into a self-destructive LTR because his idealization was based on juvenile […]
[…] 4 recovering chumps I’ve personally counseled that aped the behavior well enough to get their “ONE” dream girl then crashed and burned in exactly the way I warned them they would because they never paused to […]
[…] to fit their personal capacity to get with their ‘believable’ ONEitis girl who they just know is their perfect soul-mate. They’ll play the Game realistically and long enough insofar as it […]
[…] Dream Girls & Children with Dynamite […]
The MRM is chewing on the other side of this apple, I think. There is a concept called ‘Zeta Masculinity’, which I take to mean a healthy interest in self, a varied and interesting life (to me), a refusal to be controlled by manipulation or coercion (as much as possible), a requirement that women be a net plus or they’re history – and myself, I believe a solid understanding of Game is required here….etc.
Basically, somewhere between an MRA, a Traditionalist, and a PUA.
Or at least, that’s my take on the concept.
[…] One of the biggest dangers of the PUA ideal is that it does nothing to address the root problem of AFCism (for lack of a better term). AFCs don’t want to stop being AFCs. Largely, they just want their ONEitis (or their “dream girl”) to hook up with them long term and then drift back into a comfortable ‘just being themselves’. According to The Game even Mystery, with all his PUA prowess, degenerates into a simpering, borderline suicidal chump when he realizes that his PUA scripts do nothing in an LTR with Katya (his ONEitis). The most notorious PUA… Read more »
[…] Game was a wondrous tool set of skills, but without the insight and foresight to deal with what these tools could build, it was potentially like giving children dynamite. […]
[…] lies in his misdirected hope that a woman’s concept of love matches his own. His ideal is a beautiful girl that loves him the same way he loves her. The presumption (a romantic one perpetuated by the myth of egalitarian equalism) is that his […]
[…] is usually followed by some plea for advice or a script to follow in order to finally get with the Girl of his Dreams®, and rationally and reasonably make her aware of how he measures up to everything on her […]
[…] they find that the only thing that posed to be a ‘plan’ to help them “get their girl” doesn’t work the way they’d hoped, the reaction is a hostile rejection of what […]
[…] out easily digestible answers to solve their ‘girl problems’. As I laid out in Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite, these guys wanted the tl;dr (too long; didn’t read) footnote version of what to do in […]
Even now I have a hard time really caring more for myself than others. My habbits are slowly breaking. Slowly as if the beginning was the end of the end of the beginning.
Build yourself from the ground up.
Another good post!
Mindset is the foundation. There was a video in the previous post where a girl was playing the let’s-you-and-him-fight game on her boyfriend and some other guy; the guy ended up in a fight and yet he was the one finally apologizing to his girlfriend while holding an icepack to his mashed up face. Those guys looked rather jacked up and bad ass to me. Left me confused about how far one can get into self improvement and game before they can learn to handle such simple shit. And the woman involved looked like shit too.
[…] years now, but it becomes potentially dangerous to men because it encourages them to follow the Children with Dynamite path with regards to Game. Learning Game becomes a quest of acquiring only enough understanding of […]
[…] will (initially) focus on Red Pill awareness and Game in order to eventually connect with their Dream Girls, so too does the MRP guy. The difference being that he’s convinced he’s already married […]
Great post Rollo, “adopting a positive masculine mindset” is a good start, and then a man’s gotta APPROACH & BANG.
[…] Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite […]
[…] the outset only exacerbates a woman’s disappointment in a man. Game is great; it gets you the ‘Dream Girl’ you couldn’t fuck before you learned it, but once you’re “found out” in the long term […]
[…] and that anyone promoting a universal cure-all is selling something dangerously close to Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite. Rather than bothering with the introspection necessary to use what the Red Pill is telling them, […]
[…] The praxeology that is the Red Pill is inconvenient for them because it tears away the veneer of their Blue Pill idealism about women and reveals some very unflattering truths about them and the feminine on-whole which they still largely have on a pedestal in their heads. Red Pill awareness has a way of exposing the pretty lies that make for the good marketing material that most Purple Pill coaches depend on for their livelihoods. I mean, when 80%+ of men are Beta, who wouldn’t want to buy the secret 12 point list of things a man must do to… Read more »
[…] Çeviri : Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite […]
[…] truth. I get that guys are hopeful that they can find a magic formula that’ll get them their dream girls without much effort. Telling them that’s not gonna work for them makes them hopeless because […]
[…] that truth. I get that guys are hopeful that they can find a magic formula that’ll get them their dream girls without much effort. Telling them that’s not gonna work for them makes them hopeless because they […]
[…] article “Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite” explains why it’s dangerous to learn PUA skills without internalizing the red pill […]
Well fuck, that was an amazing post and all too real. Tossing in my coin with the boys that almost died due to a BPD Girl.
Hi Rollo ~ you might want to re visit that BPD .com link & perhaps nuke it, given what it now leads to (an agenda driven .org)