Dispelling the Magic

Women get the men they deserve.

One point I try to make in my roaming about blogs dedicated to intergender dynamics is reading articles from many different perspectives. When I have the time, I actively hunt down articles that I know I will disagree with. I think it’s far too easy to get locked into the habit of seeking out bloggers, articles and statistics that reaffirm our own particular views. Even within the circles with which we’d be inclined to agree with there will often be a lot of conflicting viewpoints – such as the recent conflict pitting the MRAs vs. the PUAs, or Game vs. MGTOW.

I began this blog with the intent of studying the reasons why intergender social and psychological dynamics evolve, what functions they serve, and develop contingencies or actionable methods of bettering one’s life using this information – really this is the core of Game. The problem inherent in this, and really unplugging in general, is that it often comes with a healthy dose of disillusionment. Once you strip away the heady fantasies of soul-mates and expectations of ‘happily ever afters”, and replace it with a more practical understanding based on reasonably reliable, empirical explanations, what you’re left with looks a lot like nihilism. Even for the most staunch realists among the ‘community’ there’s still a desire to want to apply, however slightly, some kind of mysticism to the process of connecting with another human being. With other Men it may be some esoteric desire to cast their association in terms of honor, integrity or respect – with women it comes as idealization or predestination.

I’m not saying this desire to spiritualize these connections is without merit, but I can’t help but see the conflict it has in coexisting with the practicality of what we’re learning about ourselves. Just in the last 30 years we’ve come to understand the biochemical natures of our emotions. We know a hormone like oxytocin induces feelings of trust and promotes nurturing. We know that the endorphin / dopamine profile associated with feelings of infatuation, lust and love is chemically similar to that of heroine. Poof! There goes the magic. We have an understanding of women’s ovulatory cycles and the resulting sexual behavioral habits that are induced by them. Only the generations of the late 20th and 21st are privy to this information. Evo-Psychology has only risen to prominence as a field of study in the past 15 years.

Discomfort and Disillusion

All of this makes for some very uncomfortable realizations, particularly when men become aware of the social schemas established to keep them in a female-centric reality. Game is a recent countermeasure developed by men to better adapt to this feminine primacy, but it was only possible through advances in both communication technologies, access to globalized information and new socio-psychological theory. Prior to these advancements, and with the rise of feminization from the late 60s to the late 90s men were clueless as to their social predicament. From the start of the sexual revolution until the beginning of this millennia, western masculinity (and femininity) has been subjected to the greatest deliberate social and psychological restructuring, any generation has ever known. And I shouldn’t limit that exclusively to western culture; now we see this effect filtering into Asia, Japan, even traditionally masculine Latin cultures. As westernization spreads, so too does it’s feminization.

What have men been left clinging to? The pseudo-guilt we’ve been taught to be ashamed of as part of our past “patriarchy” to be sure, but more importantly we were left with the vestiges of that magical thinking. In the face of a yet undefined hypergamy, we wanted to still believe in the ‘Sugar & Spice’ myth, the respect her wishes motive, the marriage goal – all of which were (are) still actively reinforced by a feminine imperative that knew its time had come and men were too stupid in their romanticism to know it. That is until the Meta Game was established.

The great and powerful Oz that was feminization is finally having the curtain pulled back on it. In this new age of communication men can globally “share notes” and come to their own conclusions – and women shriek all the louder as we hit closer to the truth. Thanks to its relative anonymity, no longer is there any social stigma to fear from even broaching the subject of how best to deal with women. The great wailing we hear and read from women is less about current social implications and more about having the 30 year social program of feminization being exposed for what it truly was. Yet even in the face of men seeing the Empress with no clothes, they still make appeals to the romantic, magical association men clung to before they became aware of a hypergamy enabling feminization. We read cries of Man-Up! Accept your previous responsibilities of being a husband and leader, but don’t be overbearing and crush our spirits. And in the back row a new generation of women, the 22 year olds, scream “where’s the party?” as they upload a fresh set of nudes shot in the bathroom from their cell phones.

Women get the men they deserve. For all the crowing and publicity of feminine triumphalism, there’s still a wonderment at why men are increasingly less and less motivated to play along in their feminine reality. As tough as it is for men to disabuse themselves of their romanticism, it’s even more so for women to accept their own natures in the shadow of the experiment that was 20th century feminization. They’re reaping the whirlwind that the Matriarchy of the sexual revolution has sown. It’s all the more ironic to read the same mothers who created this generation of men lament how their daughters are unmarried and childless at 35.


25 responses to “Dispelling the Magic

  • A.B. Dada

    Fuck ‘em… I get “defriended” constantly by women I’ve been friends with for a decade or more, typically over my response to every woman’s “Why am I single at 32?” question.

    Well, you’re fat. You’re overeducated. You’re too focused on career. You can’t cook. Your apartment is a mess, you own too much shit that you still pay for and will, your Facebook photos are all about you partying with idiots versus doing fun and exciting things, you’re broke because you can’t stop partying and spending, you’ve destroyed your ability to bond with a man by sleeping with dozens of vultures (about 3x as many as they admit to), etc.

    Their mothers are at fault, but the mothers are also at fault for not instilling masculine behavior in their sons. Fathers provide and protect — that’s how a dad can raise a boy to a man. The mothers, though, should be telling their sons to knock off their sissy behavior.

    When I was bullied in grade school, my MOTHER told me to fight back. When I got in trouble by the school, my mother came in and said “You people don’t care, so I told my son to act like a man.” A few bloody noses later, the bullying stopped.

    Being a feminist is a cumulative disease. The more a woman or a man supports feminism, the greater the permanence is, damage-wise. Every notch on the cock carousel can NOT be undone. Every night out partying or buying shoes can NOT be undone.

    So I’ll repeat it: fuck ‘em.

  • unbowed

    The danger of spirtualizing a connection is if it blinds you as to why you got the woman in the first place and, crucially, how you can keep her.
    I can get misty-eyed over my dog bringing me my slippers but still be aware that it’s an animal that’s been designed by thousands of years of breeding to be pleasing to humans; ultimately it’s a highly domesticated animal that would happily eat me if there was no other food. And yet also be aware that for all this there is a real connection, a real oneness, between myself, the animal and the universe.
    So, in the same way, the knowledge, the science, the game, behind the connections between men and women, can give us an awareness that deepens the simple pleasure of oxytocin-fueled bonding. You must see and enjoy the bigger picture: Your place in it and hers.

  • House of Jacques

    You Americans are already fighting back. I salute you for your courage, intelligence and resourcefulness.

    Back home in Latin America, this is only starting. I’m 22 and I can tell that my mother’s/father’s generation was a fine generation. Real women and real men. Not to say they were happy; we have our own set of troubles, closely related to the economic hardships we face. But I digress.

    In my generation the Ragnarok is barely starting. We boys grew up being taught to be Men, decisive and a little bit macho; and the girls, our parents told ‘em to be sweet, caring and respectful. But the Internet and American television and movies came over and it is slowly but quite surely chipping away at our values. I went to a high-ranking university back home, the typical Spearhead of Progress institution, and I could sense a change in how girls and boys behaved. We were all looking away from our traditions and keen on adapting American ones.

    It was specially flagrant with the rich girls who had had American or European style education. They’re American/Western already. All entitlement and vainglory. To be honest with you, all rich Latin women that I’ve met are basically as you describe them here and elsewhere in the Manosphere. As a fellow Latino Man(-in-the-making), I have to neg ‘em hard to get their attention. They have had an American outlook imparted on them so they think that they’re superior to me. Fuck ‘em.

    I’m not home anymore, so I don’t know for sure what’s happening with the rest of ‘em. All I know is that when I’ll be back I’ll be ahead of everyone else, thanks to blogs like this one. In the meantime, I learn and experience in Europe, where I think much of the American reality applies.

    Keep up the good work, Rollo.

  • samseau

    “I have to neg ‘em hard to get their attention. They have had an American outlook imparted on them so they think that they’re superior to me. Fuck ‘em.”

    22 and you realize this? I can promise you that your years will be filled with many types of pussy. Enjoy your manifest destiny. I know I’m enjoying mine.

  • Markus

    “I’m not saying this desire to spiritualize these connections is without merit, but I can’t help but see the conflict it has in coexisting with the practicality of what we’re learning about ourselves. Just in the last 30 years we’ve come to understand the biochemical natures of our emotions. We know a hormone like oxytocin induces feelings of trust and promotes nurturing. We know that the endorphin / dopamine profile associated with feelings of infatuation, lust and love is chemically similar to that of heroine. Poof! There goes the magic.”

    I’ve never really understood this point of view. Yes, we know a lot of things now that we didn’t before – how the world is made up of atoms and things even smaller and the space between them, how big the universe really is, the big bang, etc. The choice to view this as somehow “less mystical” than what we knew before is completely your own choice, however.

    Yes, when you’re in love certain chemicals get released into your brain. But what caused them to be released? Did the chemicals cause the love? Or did the love cause the chemical release? I don’t think anyone can really say for sure. Even with all this information avalible I still don’t see life as any less fantastic, to be honest. Sure, there has been moments where I’ve questioned things, but I still believe in life after death, for instance. As we say in Sweden, “you have to see things for what they are”. If I’m just a biological machine, well, that’s fine too.

    Great blog by the way. Keep up the good writing!

  • Good Luck Chuck

    The side lesson here is that women get the men they deserve because although women are a reflection of man, femininity is the inspiration for masculinity.

    Femininity has slowly been stripped from women to the point where it is now normal and acceptable for women to act like men. Why won’t I commit to an american woman? It isn’t because I am “afraid” or that I want to be a kid my entire life. It is because I have tasted the intoxicating effects of femininity and I am not prepared to settle for anything less. I know what it should feel like to WANT to lay down your entire being for another person, and these women have traded in that alluring quality that makes me want to love and protect them for behaviors that actively repulse me.

  • xsplat

    Ya. Love may be an illusion. Love may be a lie. But as lies and illusions go, it’s good. It’s better to feel it than not.

    You can know you are watching a movie, and still be engrossed in it and enjoy it.

    Our brains are wired to feel good from sunsets and shared laughter and shared orgasms. So be it.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    That was a loose illustration of a greater whole. I’m not debating the cause or effect, but rather our new interpretations given the new data and the realizations that we are, and are continuing to be had.

    Man: “Ah, finally! I see the code in the Matrix!”

    Matrix: “No you don’t, there is no Matrix”

    Man: “Yes I do, and I know you’ve been deceiving me for the last 30 years.”

    Matrix: “No, there is no Matrix, you’re only seeing what you want to see because you’ve become bitter.”

    Man: “Wow, look at all of this evidence. So this is why you do what you do.”

    Matrix: “There is no Matrix! You’re reading it wrong. I’ve had many personal experiences that prove it’s not always so and here’s a huge number of people who’ll agree with me.”

    Man: “Then how do you explain all of this new evidence that clearly implicates your deliberately exploiting my lack of seeing the truth of your deception?”

    Matrix: “It’s all speculation and hearsay by bitter men jealous and frightened of our long deserved empowerment. Now go back to sleep.”

  • xsplat

    I’ll be looking forward to when you feel ready to start relating to women – perhaps it will be when you are no longer in the west. I’ll be looking forward to it, because it is always a pleasure to see someone go through the pains of disillusionment.

    You won’t find what you are looking for.

    You’ll find something else.

    Seventy percent of what you see as problems with western women are problems with women. The thirty percent of problems that you do escape are replaced with new good traits plus large new deficits that will irk you terribly.

    I know you won’t be able to hear and believe me, even though I’m in Asia, and spend over thirty years in the west, and so have a basis of comparison between women. You won’t escape what you think you will escape, and you won’t get what you think you will get.

    You may as well deal with women somewhere, now.

  • xsplat

    Your main point is nicely noted. The internet has revolutionized male society.

  • xsplat

    I saw it happen first on expat blogs. Perhaps as that’s where my attention lay 10 years ago. Or perhaps they were a vanguard.

  • House of Jacques

    This.

    I hear PUA talking up South American girls because they’re feminine, they appreciate men, they don’t talk back, etc.

    Well, guess what. They’re not perfect. They’re inveterate manipulators. They use their femininity against you. They lie and turn everything around so that they look good and you look bad. Etc.

    You know what a friend once told me? He knew of a guy who was dating a girl and he wouldn’t marry. The girl got mad at him and said, “I’m not putting out if you don’t marry me” Well, gues what? They didn’t have sex for around three months before the guy caved in and married her.

    This is not a highly-educated, rich Latino woman we’re talking about. The kind of which you’d expect to be Americanized. She’s just a girl who understands the power of her sexual agency, as most girls -I suspect- do.

    As xsplat said, “You may as well deal with women somewhere, now”

    (Then again, I’m young. What do I know?)

  • Markus

    Yeah, but even if you see the code, does it have to be ugly? Can’t you simply see it for what it is? I’m pretty sure I get what you mean, and I don’t like it either, but there’s no need to let it get to you. I mean, there’s an initial shock of “what the fuck is this?” but after that… truth and understanding are valuable in that they open your eyes. In that sense, the magic is dispelled. But they also give you new tools to use in changing the code, crafting your own reality. Which is exactly what you are doing here, and thanks again for that.

  • itsme

    and the guy, like many guys, had no game.

    same characters in a slightly different setting.

    women everywhere all have the same programming – it’s what makes them women.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    And I shouldn’t limit that exclusively to western culture; now we see this effect filtering into Asia, Japan, even traditionally masculine Latin cultures. As westernization spreads, so too does it’s feminization.

    Since I began my current line of work I’ve been to the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Panama, China, Canada and Aruba and from what I could gather of the societal differences in those places with regards to how women and men interact, Panama was really the only country where I was impressed by how women regarded men in any significantly different way.

    It may just have been my impression at the time, but as I stated above, one of the cruel facts about globalization is that westernized feminization is rapidly being imported to “underserved’ countries every day.

    Read this just today:

    http://behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/10/31/7431435-in-china-man-bags-and-make-up-for-men

    I’m not going to doubt the wisdom of any guy wanting to go expat. One of my best friends is Filipino who makes trips home twice a year. He went back to the Philippines the first time to essentially enjoy the women he couldn’t in the U.S. and now is planning to marry a girl from his homeland. His fear has always been the stigma of the ‘Golden Ticket’ – are the women in PI (or any less developed country) genuinely different culturally and know how to better appreciate men, or do they simply play the game better out of necessity to achieve a better quality of life?

    I can definitely understand the desire expressed by GLC and a lot of others who see this as an alternative to dealing with domestic women, but from what I read of Roosh’s exploits you’d better start thinking about doing it sooner than later. The mass communication I described in today’s post also cuts the other way and each day women from western culture are educating their ‘oppressed sisters’ in how entitled they really should feel. The corruption is already spreading.

  • deti

    “All of this makes for some very uncomfortable realizations, particularly when men become aware of the social schemas established to keep them in a female-centric reality.”

    Indeed. Some of those “uncomfortable realizations”:

    1. Married women are every bit as capable of cheating on husbands as married men are of cheating on their wives.

    2. “Unconditional love” and “soulmates” are fictions, figments of the female centric imagination.

    3. Women will ruthlessly act in their own self-interest and are not above lying, manipulation and scheming to do so.

    4. Women are not naturally monogamous for life; but instead exhibit tendencies to serial monogamy, “trading up” men as a better deal comes along. Marriage and/or LTRs act as checks on this, but only to the extent that the woman wishes to submit voluntarily to those checks.

    5. Divorce laws are heavily skewed in favor of women and against men.

    6. “Be nice, be yourself” is exactly what a man should NOT do when seeking women.

    7. Women do not want, and are not attracted to, “nice guys”.

    8. All women are, indeed, like that.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    That 30% you speak of is HUGE, xsplat.

    I’m not complaining about hypergamy or women’s nature in general. My beef is with the culture here that doesn’t hold women accountable to any standard of femininity. Our women believe that high heels and a pair of fake tits is all that is required to be “feminine”. They are caricatures of women, much like the douchebag men they so love are caricatures of men.

    It seems that the only glimpse I get of femininity these days is in second generation women whose parents came from a place where traditional gender roles are still expected and enforced. Problem is, even if they are halfway decent people the culture here still corrupts them to the point where I wouldn’t consider anything long term with them.

    Here’s a good example for you. Went to Miami last year with some friends. It was a work trip for my buddy but with him the party is never far behind. He brought along his wife and another girl, a 22 yr old Puerto Rican chick.

    Even though she had just met me the PR girl always seemed to be concerned about my well being. It was the little things that stood out, like asking if I needed anything when she went into the store. Also the way she tucked her head caringly and submissively into my chest on the ride home. It’s hard to describe but anyone who has been with a feminine woman knows what I mean.

    Anyway, I was kind of starting to dig this chick until she showed me her “toys”. Not THOSE kinds of toys- this chick is into motorcycles, on road, off road….you name it, she rides it.

    Sorry, but despite her feminine demeanor there is no way I could get past the idea of dating a chick who goes muddin’. Put her in heels and a little black dress and she looks and acts feminine, but I just can’t get around the idea of a chick being into suck masculine shit.

    I don’t think a lot of guys have even stopped to think about this for a second. Sooooo many chicks these days are into professional sports, tattoos, and building high status careers. If a man was into sewing and cake decorating, how many women would be attracted to him? I hear crickets chirping…..

    The femininization of our culture has allowed women to co-opt anything masculine they desire without repercussion. Watching a woman scream at the tv over a football game might not seem like a big deal to those who have grown up being told that we should all be equal, but to me it is offensive and ugly. If you believe that you want a woman who gets into professional sports as much as you do, you need to put down the kool aid. Too many men fall into the trap of THINKING they want a woman who gets into the things they like but trust me…..I’ve dated a chick who was just a little too “cool” and that shit gets old fast.

    “I can definitely understand the desire expressed by GLC and a lot of others who see this as an alternative to dealing with domestic women, but from what I read of Roosh’s exploits you’d better start thinking about doing it sooner than later.”

    Yea, I know. It is disheartening to watch our society go to shit and know that the rest of the world isn’t far behind.

    On a side note I find it interesting the change in tone of Roosh’s posts over the past couple of years. It seems that the more he experiences foreign women the more he realizes just how bad american chicks are.

  • xsplat

    You will get more feminine girls, and a culture that respects both masculine and feminine roles. That comes at a price that takes a while to learn to pay. The girls will also tend to neglect having any masculine interests – and that includes having any interests outside of dating or home care. Conversation will suffer.

    Also, the negative feminine traits that are often kept in check by a token attempt at rationality can be given full reign, and the girls allow themselves bouts of more intense girlish insanity.

    Also, the girls are more deceptive and cunning and will play you into the ground until you learn to play back.

    I prefer it here. I like these rules. I’ve adapted well, and perhaps you could too. I suggest you read all thousands of readers submissions at stickmanbangkok.com . I even have a few hidden in there. The complaints over the girls and culture differences make up a good portion of the submissions.

    The grass is in some ways greener. But that 70% that stays the same here stays gets amplified. Femininity has downsides. And western rationality has upsides.

    When reading those submissions you might laugh finding out that many of the complaints about Thais are the same complaints that westerners have against western women. I guess a lot of guys don’t really get heavily into dating until they come out here, and so this is where they learn what women is. Then they mistakenly think that negative female traits are cultural.

    If its true that women are feminine as an occupation, and I believe that it is, it will be important no matter where you live to be able to keep your woman wanting to be feminine – to keep her occupied with your incentives. Sell her the dream of a future or outright domesticate her and have her attend to you.

    One last word – there are player girls here who can run circles around the inexperienced man. Pack your wits.

  • loveiseasy

    I agree. Although love is certainly chemically induced, I don’t feel that it discounts the quality of the experience.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    Although I love asian women and southeast asian food, I lean more toward eastern Europe with south/central america coming in second and asia a close third.

    Actually I love the women and the food in all of those areas but the cultural differences seem too steep the further east you go.

    And just to be clear I wouldn’t be moving solely for the women. I love history and culture as well. If I were to move anywhere for a significant amount of time these things would hold as much or more weight than the women. Matter of fact EE wouldn’t be my first choice if it were only about the women. I love the beer, the food, and the rich history in that part of the world. The Philippines isn’t even on my list despite the fact that I would kill to have a chick like the one who was born there that I dated a few years ago. Minus the western instilled bullshit, of course.

    Maybe I won’t find “what I’m looking for”, but I can’t imagine it being any worse than it is here. I have had quite a few relationships in the past 20 some years and I just can’t see myself settling down with the women I have met. In addition to it having the worst odds of any bet you will ever take in your life, these chicks fail to inspire me to want to be the master of their universe.

    Despite having to deal with the issues inherent to moving to another part of the world I haven’t heard of too many men who were itching to com back after spending some time in one of these countries.

  • houseofjacques

    I read Roosh’s recent post on how the corruption is spreading to all countries in the world, too. It scared the shit out of me.

    I haven’t still swallowed the whole red pill. I’m in the “Bargaining” phase. “Surely not ALL girls in ALL countries are like that, dammit?” I’ll have to experience it by myself if I’m to move on to the next stage.

  • Wudang

    Rollo, I highly recomend you read Cupids poisoned arrow for insight on the dopamine and oxytocin dynamic. THe results in terms of maintaining sexual attraction and love from using the approach to sex they outline in the book are amazing. THat approach is based on a theory on how dopamine and oxytocin interact and how certain styles of sex infulence their levels. I also have a couple of posts about it at fastseduction that give a quick overview of the theories.

  • Year One «

    [...] Dispelling the Magic [...]

  • MikePhil

    I still can’t get I’ve how good the writing is here and how amazingly perceptive Rollo’s insights are. This blog literally altered my complete understanding about women and how they operate. Thank you again for peeling the lid off and exposing the truth about what we’ve been suckered into believing and following. Never, ever again will I take anything a woman says at face value.

  • sam

    I don’t think game is a recent invention..all the indians I’ve met had game, I think its the natural state..farming/christianity is anti-game.

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