Get used to Jerks and Flakes


I really hate it when I come up with a decent blog comment that gets buried amongst 700+ more self-evincing posts and trails off into the internet ether. Such was the case over at Aunt Susan’s (once again). Use a topic like Guys Acting Like Jerks to get into a Relationship on a “Blog Her” site that women feel relatively more comfortable posting on than Jizzabel and you’re going to get a shit load of comments. Just as an aside, is anyone really surprised that it’s now women receiving public recognition for acknowledging psychological and sociological principles and dynamics that the manosphere has covered (via Game) for over a decade now?

So, guys acting like jerks to get into a relationship? Ladies, get used to the idea that the guy who you’d consider for a monogamous relationship is going to at least start off with asserting his pseudo-jerk cred. This is the logical reaction for a guy who’s been so consistently flaked on using the Nice Guy route that he fearlessly experimented with the Jerk energy and was more consistently rewarded with your intimacy and attention. And gentlemen, get used to more flakes, it’s a symbiotic self-perpetuating dynamic.

I really don’t see how this is at all shocking to anyone, women get the men they create. I think Roosh pretty well summed up this dynamic in the Future of Game:

Flaking Will Reach Epidemic Proportions

Western culture is teaching youth to glance upon the field and carefully analyze all available options before making a decision, or simply not make a decision at all. Therefore dates scheduled more than a day in advance will be rare. There will be no concept of keeping your word, being honorable, showing up, or acting respectful. Everyone will be looking out for their own. Whereas for night game in the past you had to make out with a girl to decrease the chances she’ll flake, today you have to fuck her. That’s right—to get a first date you have to already have had the one-night stand with her. This is the only way I’ve found that decreases flaking to an acceptable level in even today’s climate. If I only made out with the girl, or god forbid didn’t even kiss her, the odds I will see her again are far from assured. The dirty truth of game is how often flaking occurs, and it will happen at such a frustrating level that I’m certain more men will turn into homosexuals or resort to sex dolls because of it. This feature alone will cut the game careers short of many men who simply can’t handle the frustration and rejection. You’ll have to really want it to succeed.

Bear in mind that Roosh is prognosticating all this based on current trends and foreseeable outcomes. What I thought was interesting was the idea that even if you’re kiss closing upon your first encounter, odds are still better than half that a woman will flake for even a first date (adjust for demography accordingly). Only an F-Close really locks down a first date, and this is becoming the norm as it is now.

I’d like to consider that there’d be a few mitigating factors for flaking as have been mentioned already – the age / maturity level of a woman, differing social / sexual value of a potential mate, geographic regions and the social interactions that characterize them, but on a whole these are outliers. Generally men and women are going to be looking for as ideal a situation as their conditions permit, yet in spite of these outliers women still default to flaking on guys as commonplace. At least commonplace enough that it’s an increasingly reoccurring complaint for men.

Stoically walking away or NEXTing a flake isn’t enough. You’re not going to teach a flake a lesson when she has 6 more guys lined up (or at least she thinks she does courtesy of socia media) and all perfectly willing to put up with her flakiness if they think it means they have a shot at fucking her.

What I also thought was interesting was the 1st night lay = non-flake first date proposition. This doesn’t sit well with AFCs & White Knights because a 1st night lay or an ONS is too foreign an idea for most of them. However, now the prediction is for this to be a matter of course to GET a first date.

“Rollo, I’m sick of all these flaky attention whores, how do I reduce their flakiness?” – fuck her the night you meet her!

Now take all that to the extreme as Roosh has done, even insisting that if he kiss closes on the first meeting, odds are she’ll flake, and you can see the tears of desperation welling up in the eyes of AFCs and lower SMV women who thinking they bear the brunt of their sister’s cruelty. The bar just got set even higher for chumps everywhere as they were beginning to think Game could be their panacea.

As technology expands (social networking for example) women are finding new avenues to satisfy their attention cravings. They’re vicariously living more and more in the virtual than the actual, and finding an ability to really connect becomes blurred. In the future, Game is going to have to develop ways to break into that blurring and leave a lasting impression in the “real world”. Depending upon the circumstances, a first night lay should leave a lasting impression, but this illustrates the bigger point in that women are becoming increasingly less receptive and responsive to anything less than a sufficiently immediate shock to their dulling sensibilities. A woman outright flaking on a guy is now met with no more concern than if she’d unfriended or put someone on ignore on Face Book. That’s the association now, while at the same time she’s receiving positive reinforcement from any number of virtual sources online.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

17 comments on “Get used to Jerks and Flakes

  1. Epic Post.

    Walsh’s blog used to be mucho entertaining, but she has “jumped the shark” just recently.

    I’ll hang out here instead. Bye bye Aunt Susan. Hello Uncle Rollo.

  2. Thank you so much for these kinds of articles and insights. I have been reading PUA stuff for a couple of years now, but I just recently stumbled across the “manosphere”. Reading blogs like this one really gives an extra dimension to my view of life. I am a 29 yo virgin beta and I find articles like these are so very very true. It exposes so much of what is troubling me, it is scary. Unfortunately they also make my view of the future a lot more troubled…but so be it !

    Thanks you so much. Writers like you are still pioneers.

  3. The level of flakiness also depends on where you live. Here in California, near Los Angeles, it is out of control. Even with your guy friends, they will flake on you just as quickly as bitches. It’s really sad that people feel the need to be rude to others to make themselves feel important or special.

    1. This is very true. In Chicago, it seems that the uglier the gal is, the more she flakes. Of course, the younger she is, the more she flakes as well.

      Hot gals over 26 have never flaked on me, ever. In 2011, I’ve had maybe 4 flakes total, all women either below a 7, or under 25.

      My rule for flakes is always the same thing: they’re gone. Number deleted. When they do text to follow up (and they, so far, always do), my response is always “Who is this?” — which is mostly the truth so I burned their contact info.

      If they persist after that, I just drop the hammer… “Listen, I’d love to hear about your excuses, but I only have 300 texts a month. Make it up by coming over right now and bring some wine.”

      That’s that. I turned one flaker into an LTR that I ended on my terms (her hotness started to fade right from that flake), turned one into a random hang-out type (she only comes over here, and I won’t stick her), and 2 were ugly once I met up with them and I bailed after 30 minutes.

      Flaking comes from betas who don’t man up — and women love the attention they get from the guys they flake on. It’s external validation.

  4. Hmmm, can you give an example of a “sufficiently immediate shock to their dulling sensibilities”? If a first night fuck isn’t going to get the job done, what’s the next step?

    Oh, and thanks for the link love.

  5. Fucking her decreases chances for flaking?

    Not really, in my experience. If a girl is a flake she will flake no matter what. If she likes you, she will not flake.

    So its been pretty common in my experience to fuck girls and never see them again.

    The advantage of fucking a girl the same night you meet her is having sex with a girl you might have never otherwise seen again. But often same night lays are nothing but taking advantage of a girl’s emotional state in the moment, and they do not represent her long-term feelings.

    However, the upshot is that going for sex will NEVER INCREASE the rate of flaking, so girls who geniunely want to date you will still do so regardless if you fuck them.

    But will fucking a girl decrease flakiness? Not a chance.

    1. I think if you fuck a girl 3 times then yes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve banged a girl twice and they disappeared but when I bang one 3 times they stick around, I don’t know if this is sub-conscious were they get attached or what. But this has been my experience for years even before game

      1. After 3 times most girls are gonna want you as a bf.

        If you try to keep them as a fb they will lose feeling for you after the two-month mark and begin to search for new cock elsewhere.

        Girls don’t give a fuck about sex, they only care enough that you want to bang them. As long as they see through your actions that you geniunely want sex with them, and push for it, the actual act of sex is immaterial.

        A girl does not like you for sex nearly as much as she likes you for your game.

        Does 3 bangs therefore decrease the odds of a flake? No more than 1 bang does. I.e. no effect

  6. Wanna never get flaked on?

    Become a High Value/Status guys, I’m dead serious bitches rarely would flake on a High Value/Status guy. I’m not just talking money.

    I got a buddy whose in great shape and games like a boss (hell he even looks like a young Rollo) and I think he only got flaked on once this year alone and get this he only makes $1500 a month!

    He doesn’t get flaked on because 1. His frame is ridiculously strong which he mixes with just being naturally alpha 2. He is High value and 3. He fucks bitches like a porn star and they get addicted to his dick

    True story

    1. i have to agree, EVERY female i have ever slept with whether i put in time or they were an easy lay, jumps at the chance to hang out and almost ALWAYS pushes for sex. i have avoided hanging with girls because i just wanted to chill and they wanted sex.

      why? because although my “game” is decent to sometimes better than most, i make it a point to blow EVERY girls mind when i sex them up.

      i agree with an earlier statement that generally the sex is not important its’ your desire for her that is, but once she gives it up, if you WRECK it, the allure of RELIABLE good, satisfying, intense sex, will have the females doing things you would never imagine to ensure it continues.

  7. As technology expands (social networking for example) women are finding new avenues to satisfy their attention cravings. She’s receiving positive reinforcement from any number of virtual sources online.


    Rollo, please be so kind as to expand on these sentences for a future post(s). Thank you in advance.

  8. “how do I reduce their flakiness?” – fuck her the night you meet her!

    Very true – this has evolved over the last decade or even a bit less – not that long ago making out would almost guarantee additional contact – these days not so much. This is why I have moved away from clubs and such – they are useful for quickies, if you want sex for tonight – no worries – it’s still a spur of the moment event. If you want sex for the next month – you need to use a different technique.

    Now to a certain extent I’m sure that is due to my getting older – and women rethinking their actions (OMG he’s old enough to be my Dad), but you have to evolve your control of the relationship dynamics. The best way I’ve found for that is to control it from the beginning – I have several ways of doing that, but I won’t go into it here. Suffice it to say that you have to evolve with your target audience – what worked last year, won’t work in 5 years. Adapt or die… (Or more appropriately – adapt, or sit at home with nothing, and no one, to do…

  9. This is depressing. really depressing.

    I am 42, male virgin, Christian, Asperger Syndrome, the victim of female-perpetrated sexual abuse between ages 12 and 18. Effectively the Black and Decker Workmate where the predatory women described learned and honed their skills… to my humiliation… caused me to fall headfirst into traumatic eating to dull the pain.

    I also work from home as I suffer from cellulitis in my lower legs, will always have lymph problems (which even precludes massage) – so absolutely NO touch except the professional work done by district nurses when they redress my legs…

    Growing up as i did with romantic ideals emanating from lyrics etc in the 70s and early 80s… my entire sexual development was derailed by the abuse. Spent most of my adult life terrified by women and sex… and it would appear that the more romantic, big-hearted man is dead in the water. Even before he’s had a chance. I held out hope for the kind of love-life and sex life expressed in the lyrics put forward by people like Huey Lewis, Peter Cetera, even Ian Dury. Even the “I want ot wake up with you” kind of dynamic…

    Yes. Beta.

    I wanted the kind of comfy, satisfying, nourishing, loving, tender sex life that my parents had, that I saw couples having… also hoped to have the chance to “christen every room.flat surface in the home”… wanted the chance of a life partner where we’d have each other’s backs… and we could bloody RELAX and TRUST that our partner loved us and would NEVER deliberately hurt us.

    But we’re now destined to risk living in the Jeremy Kyle show?

    Re sexual prowess – what have I, as a shy, introverted Aspie male virgin got to offer? I have to go from 0 to inducing multiple orgasms on demand on the first time out? In order to THEN even go into a competition even before my heart has an attempt to connect to the girl’s heart? And then my heart hits scar tissue? And I risk an STI first time out?

    I don’t even have a chance to get into my stride? As I’d need to know I’m safe before giving myself to a woman.

    And being autistic – I can’t lie like that – I can’t fake being a bastard, because I’m NOT a bastard!.

    Excuse me while i cry…

  10. Just fuck her the same night, yea because thats so easy right.

    And fuck all the douchebags in the comments bragging of how easy they get the girls, you’re the fucking cancer on this earth, you’re the reason why decent guys turn into assholes to get a chance to get laid.

  11. I am getting good at recognising flakes from the first instance. Saying she is away on holiday then with not offering alternative dates etc.

    Girls don’t even bother to make excuses sometimes these days. I have many just say sorry I am busy that weekend. I try the next weekend. Sorry I am busy that weekend.

    Then you find out she is not away on holiday at all. And I agree this is not just new possible women it is ones you have been banging on and off for months. They are emotion driven and not rational as we know. Got stung lately though when she baited me with an I will happily meet you for coffee? When I offered a meet up. I thought hmm proactive. Then she bailed on me. Twice. Again date booked 5 days in advance. Dont work. Book dates 2 days in advance max otherwise guranteed flake. Medium is the message I know but fuck they can bait you sometimes with a carrot of hope dangling in your face. Felt like she got me with the slight proactiveness.

    And yes sadly get their attention from instagram getting all the beta men to like them in their underwear etc. How many likes can I get today? Fuck that shit. How many of them men actually care about her, just want to get in her pants. No guy is truly a nice guy. They post pictures of holiday 30 likes. One in underwear 150 likes. Yeah do the math. She doesnt even know these people. Low self esteem. Maybe. Flaking goes hand in hand with that and women with BPD and depression.

    If she ever messages me again I don’t think I can even be fucked to schedule a date. But she knows I just want to fuck her. I class myself as alpha but slip up sometimes. Just put your dick and balls on the table and say the D is here if you want it. I am done.

Speak your mind

%d bloggers like this: