The Gift of Anxiety

 

Well since Aunt Sue’s decided to click on the ‘echo chamber’ setting on her blog’s comment filters I thought I’d take the opportunity to retype my deleted response to her (once again) on my unmoderated blog. Aunt Sue has a big problem with competition anxiety, and since she secretly loves me, she can’t make it too obvious that she reads my blog posts regularly for inspiration. Hell, it’s almost a Friday tradition now! It’s OK dear, I’ll entertain you for the weekend. Roissy, Roosh and Dalrock send you their unrequited regards too,…

Dear Sue, you know instead of paraphrasing my perspective on this you could simply quote the bit in my post that set you off (again):

Women don’t want a Man to cheat, but they love a Man who could cheat. Naturally you don’t want to appear to be seeking the flirtation – that would be OVERT – but rather playing along with it. I have encouraged or played along with casual flirtations with my wife present that leave her with the impression that other women find me desirable. When you’ve been together long enough and a strong emotional bond has formed, you will be surprised at how many shit tests and hypergamous evaluations you can avoid just by her perception of you being a commodity that other women are attracted to. Mrs. Tomassi has told me on at least a dozen occasions that she finds it flattering that other women would find me attractive. Always remember that your attractiveness to other women is an associative reflection on your spouse’s attractiveness to hold your sexual interest in the long term.

The trick to this is how you follow up after flirting. She has to be made to feel as though she’s still the one you choose to be with even though you have obvious, provable options. Women are always unconsciously evaluating the men they are with. Her self-worth is associated with his value. This is exactly why women in the stablest of relationships will still shit test. There are precious few ways for a Man in a long standing LTR to establish social proof and demonstrate higher value better than reciprocating a flirt with other women. Nothing stimulates a tired LTR like suspicion and jealousy. Her Imagination is the most important tool in your Game tool box. The hamster doesn’t stop spinning after marriage, but it’s incumbent upon you to make sure it keeps up the pace.

The problem you have with my take on this is that you see it in an absolutist, all-or-nothing in-your-face disrespectful frame. As if every aspect of an LTR would be overshadowed by a malevolent ‘dread’ of loss bordering on emotional blackmail. You might be surprised to know I don’t actually agree with the idea of using the impending doom of ‘dread‘ per se.

If you could get past your taste for the melodramatic you’d realize that returning casual flirtations is actually a compliment to the woman a Man is with. It satisfies that internal, hypergamous doubt as to whether the guy a woman committed herself to years ago is still the Man other men want to be and other women want to fuck.

You see the problem with your perspective Sue is that you view intergender relations from a ‘security first’ priority. This is mostly due to your fem-centric conditioning, but also because you’re in a phase of life now where security means more to you than it did when you were in your 20’s or 30’s. It’s difficult to see the value of adding measured degrees of insecurity into an LTR when your long-term security becomes your paramount concern. After the Wall, women dread the idea of having to start over in a sexual market place in which they are grossly outmatched, so even the slightest deviation from the ‘security forever’ script becomes a major ego threat.

An LTR based on dread, a threat, or an implied ultimatum isn’t one based on genuine desire, and you know enough about my philosophy to understand how important real desire is to me. I think of it more as an ambient understanding that a Man is still desired by other women and this manifests in flirtatious behavior. Obviously if a guy is overtly seeking out opportunities to flaunt his flirtations with his LTR, that’d be indicative of him having other issues to resolve for himself. Guy’s thoroughly underestimate women’s sensitivity to nuance and subcommunication; it doesn’t take much to trigger her imaginings, but most guys think they need to beat her over the head with what he wants her to get; and that of course defeats his purpose – he’s too obvious.

The Code in the Matrix

“You get used to it. I don’t even see the code anymore, all I see is blonde, redhead, brunette,..”

One of the premier posts I wrote for this blog was about women’s propensity to give men advice that is completely counter to anything in men’s interests. The prey does not teach the hunter how better to catch it. Essentially the ‘chick advice’ dynamic is a meta-shit test meant to filter for the guys who ‘get it’ on their own (despite deliberately countermanding female advice) and those who need to be told ‘how to get it’.

I think I addressed this dynamic fairly well (and here too), but every so often I’ll be made aware of an article in which a woman attempts to ‘enlighten’ men not only about how better to achieve success with their sex in general, but also to disabuse themselves of the “myths” they believe men subscribe to that hinder them from a more complete understanding of women. Never mind that dating “success’ to the feminine mind always involves a committed fem-centric monogamy, while men’s definition usually involves lingerie and KY jelly. What’s telling in these particular articles is women’s attempt to explain social dynamics from a male perspective while still defending the social conventions that serve their gender interest. It’s a very entertaining read for the unplugged man – like seeing the code in the Matrix.

The longer you’ve been unplugged from fem-centrism the more sensitive you become to registering the nuances it employs to keep you in doubt of it. However the comedy of it is of the black and tragic sort when you realize how long you yourself subscribed to such now-obvious tropes and flimsy rationales in an effort to identify with women to get laid.

With very few notable exceptions, all women are by default plugged into the girl-world perspective with very little motivation to see past the pre-established constructs that serve them so well. So it’s almost comical to read women encouraging men to retake the blue pill and plug themselves back into their perspective.

Marni Kynris’ Wing Woman article is a mercifully brief example of this. (For the record, no woman will ever be your willing wingwoman, the sisterhood forbids it).

OK, lets run this down point by point then:

Women have baggage, too, especially the attractive ones.

Translation: “I’m fat. In fact at least 66% of my sisters are, or will become overweight too. My BMI is well above the norm and I don’t have the motivation or self-discipline to trim down in order to compete with the physically superior women men are naturally more aroused by. So in order to compete in this realm I need to disqualify these competitors by advising men steer clear of them (and give us fat women a fighting chance) by perpetuating the ‘hot girl = dumb/damaged’ archetype.”

Just because a woman is hot does not mean that her life is perfect

Perhaps, but if she’s fat, you can see she’s less than perfect. Newsflash: Men aren’t looking for perfect women. We’re looking for hot, sexually available women with the baseline of a workable personality.

Women prefer personality to looks.

Translation: “The ratio on which women place the importance of personality to looks is directly proportional to their depreciating ability to draw and maintain consistent male sexual attention. So make sure you focus on staying a nice, safe, sweet and dependable guy, making about six figures and be a little confident about it when you hit 35. When I can no longer hold the sexual interests of the douchebags, criminals and sociopaths who make me hot, it’ll be your ‘personality‘ that finally wins me over.”

Women DO NOT like bad boys.

Translation: “Look, there are far more ‘Plain Janes’ and chubbies in the world than men would ever realistically settle for if they knew any better, and we can’t allow men to think that Alpha Bad Boys are the only demographic hooking up with hot (i.e. desirable) women, so we’re going to appeal to your introvert insecurities and silly notions of chivalry and tell you that even Mr. Nice Guy still has a chance with us. We innately crave being sexually dominated by an Alpha badass (even when he’s incarcerated for murder), but that doesn’t mean we don’t also crave being able to ‘tame the savage beast’. We need the Alpha to inseminate us, and we need the Beta cuckold to provide for us; it takes a constant effort to keep you unaware of this.”

There’s no “right” line, but there’s a right way to say it.

Translation: “When it comes to communication, women care less about content, and more about context. It’s not the information that’s important, it’s the way we ‘feel’ when you deliver it. But please, do go on believing that women are completely rational agents, perfectly capable of relying on deductive reasoning.”

Women want to be approached, as long as it’s by the right person.

Translation: “If you’re cute/hot, you’re the right person. If not, you’re a sexual predator. If I’m attracted to you it’s an office romance, if I’m not it’s sexual harassment.”

Women want you to respect them, not admire them.

Translation: “So be sure you’re respecting us, not admiring us when you’re looking at the millions of our self-shots. Remember, were doing this to garner respect, not admiration.”

It’s difficult to be unplugged and know that you’re living in a society literally immersed in fem-centrism. You’re sensitive to it, you can see the underpinnings of why the canards exist and the utility of the social convention for the feminine imperative, but you know that even in drawing attention to them you risk ridicule and ostracization. That’s the scope of the feminine Matrix.

This is just one, easy to disassemble article written by what I’m sure was a well-meaning author, but think about how fem-centrism permeates just your small, localized social circle. How many times have you overheard your female ‘friends’, coworkers and plugged in men you know prattle off some variation of one of Marni’s gender appropriate aphorisms I detailed above?