Love Story

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Among my more controversial essays is my series on the differences in interpretations of love as specific to each gender. As I’ve elaborated before Men approach love from idealistic foundations, while due to their innate hypergamy, women’s approach to love is rooted in opportunism. The easy rebuttal to this that often comes from women is to presume that either sex’s life experiences are going to necessarily be different. Women cannot fully appreciate the male experience (much less validate it) unless they can actually become men and live in a lifetime of their experiences, their upbringing, their biology, their acculturation and societal conditioning.

Yes, I am aware that it works both ways, men cannot fully appreciate women’s existential experiences either and for the same reason, however that doesn’t excuse either gender from making an effort to better understand the other’s experience. In a social environment where the feminine perspective has primacy, it has been women who have been the arbiters of what should universally be the socially agreed upon definition of what love means to both sexes.

However, this hasn’t stopped men from trying to define love for themselves, and make efforts to make women see how they would like their love to be in idealistic terms. History is rife with examples of men, in every culture, venturing to make women understand and really grasp their idealized notion of love. From ancient love poems, to epic stories of one woman launching a thousand ships, to Romeo and Juliet, Men have attempted to educate women on how they would be loved, and how they would like to love.

As I’ve detailed before, once a man really unplugs from his feminine conditioning he becomes more sensitive to the world that’s been pulled over his eyes. Hearing common terms in conversation that belie a feminine mindset, listening to songs that drip with male self-sacrifice for women, understanding why certain themes in popular media resonate with culture is all part of this new sensitivity. One thing the red pill has has made me keenly aware over time is the difference in storytelling that applies to each gender.

It would be too easy an assumption to say that I have a better awareness as to which gender is telling a particular story, but rather, I have a keener sensitivity to which gender perspective a story is originating from now – and particularly when that story involves specific gender approaches to love. I could single out the stories of Emily Bronte and compare them with the formulaic themes of modern romance novels or romantic comedy movies, but that would be easy and expected. Any women’s studies major could tell you this. What I’m interested in is how the genders interpret each other’s idealized concepts of love.

Example 1

Titanic, 1997. Arguably one of the greatest love stories ever put on film. I can remember adult women of the time who literally were incapable of going to work or doing much of anything else the day after watching this movie. I can remember women I dealt with professionally bursting into tears because they were so wracked with vicarious imagined grief – this is the psychological impact Titanic had, don’t even get me started on the teenage girls of the time.

A lot went on in Titanic from a feminine-romanticized perspective. It’s definitely an epic fairytale, and one that has all of the formulaic elements of a classic love story. Rich beautiful girl, scrappy-poor-but-Alpha-and good looking hero who draws girl into his reality. Tragic, but sacrificial death of said hero to save her and ensure her a better life.

I’ve linked the last few minutes of Titanic here because it’s really the summation of the entire story. The former beauty, now old woman, Rose still pines for her Alpha she lost so long ago. This scene epitomizes the concept of the Alpha Widow — As the heart that was given to her by her Alpha sinks to the bottom of the ocean, we pan across photos of all of her life experiences afforded to her by Jack’s sacrifice; the beauty queen, the mother, the Amelia Earhart-esque (have it all fantasy) pilot, horseback rider and finally she can return to her Alpha in death.

Example 2

Saving Private Ryan, 1998. Released just one year later, Saving Private Ryan debuts. Also, arguably one of the greatest, heroic and epic stories put to film from an unarguably masculine perspective. Where Titanic relies on a clever retelling of classic and tested romantic themes, SPR explores distinctly male themes of honor, duty, courage, service and also sacrifice. Captain Miller’s sacrifice is of a decidedly different nature, but the premise is the same — self-sacrifice for the betterment of another individual. As Captain Miller dies his last words are “Earn this.” Merit this, be worthy of this.

Granted, more men than just Captain Miller die on Ryan’s behalf, but he’s the protagonist and the one we really care about as his death is personalized for us. In an almost analogous ending to Titanic (linked) we see the elderly Ryan contemplating his life and wondering if he’d “earned it” with what he’d done with his life. And in classic form he seeks that affirmation from a woman, his wife.

“Tell me I’ve led a good life. Tell me I’m a good man.”

We can tell there’s no connection, no familiarity of Ryan’s experience shared with his wife. Her response is just this side of a patronizing dismissal of the imagined concerns of an old man. We can presume Ryan has led a somewhat good life, he’s still married, probably has kids, but nowhere is the have it all fantasization that an elderly Rose enjoys. We still don’t know if Ryan had ‘earned it’, if his life’s performance was good enough; the pat on the cheek from his oblivious wife doesn’t confirm it, but that’s the operative difference between Ryan’s character and Rose’s — Rose’s good life was never expected to have been earned.

Almost serendipitously Mac commented on my Sorry,.. post this evening:

I was picked on as a boy and decided at a very young age to fight back by outdoing all my naysayers. All the people that tell you your not good enough, smart enough or talented enough… So I became the antithesis of their projections and surpassed all my personal goals. It’s more than just getting the girl… It’s about conquering “your” world!

Men are expected to perform. To be successful, to get the girl, to live a good life, men must do. Whether it’s riding wheelies down the street on your bicycle to get that cute girl’s attention or to get a doctorate degree to ensure your personal success and your future family’s, Men must perform. Women’s arousal, attraction, desire and love are rooted in that conditional performance. The degree to which that performance meets or exceeds expectations is certainly subjective, and the ease with which you can perform is also an issue, but perform you must.

There is one final movie that I would use as an illustration of gender-differential love approaches and that is the movie Blue Valentine. I would link some clips here but I think it’s probably best to watch it in its entirety to really understand the principle differences between men and women’s idealized love.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Stingray
9 years ago

There is absolutely no basis whatsoever for claiming that the area under the man and woman’s curves should be the same.

Claiming they are the same assumes that attraction cues for men and women are exactly the same. Given a safe environment, even most blue pill people will disagree with this.

hoellenhund2
9 years ago

“The fact that Susan used that as some sort of proof is highly amusing and shows she has no understanding of stats or math.”

I doubt it. What it does show in my view is that she’s a liar, a sharlatan and a pundit.

hoellenhund2
9 years ago

*charlatan*

bmckeag
9 years ago

I’m done with Susan. I’ve always given her the benefit of the doubt. I wasn’t a particularly prolific commenter there, but I did participate and had a good thread going from time to time. I enjoyed that HUS was at the very least an alternative perspective to RM and I followed it closely. I thought it was good to participate in a blog with often clashing opinions to get a fuller understanding. Once she moved to Disqus I got banned after posting ONE comment. One. I can’t even tell her now that the quote from her Ph.D quote is complete… Read more »

HanSolo
9 years ago

@bmckeag By your gravatar I can see you were Bully on HUS, I believe. The thing that finally and completely drove me away was when Susan allied with the disingenuous feminists that were crucifying Hoinsky for the “whip out your dick and stick it in her hand” comment, as if he were telling men to just go around doing this with random women or without enough escalation so that you could tell the woman would welcome that. So I looked into the source of that quote and, lo and behold, he describes a whole host of escalation steps that happen… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  HanSolo

Again, I’m still dumbfounded that Vox still takes her seriously.

Morpheus
Morpheus
9 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

Again, I’m still dumbfounded that Vox still takes her seriously. Rollo, I’m not sure that is still the case. I have reasons to believe that not too long ago he moved towards a more “neutral” view towards Aunt Giggles. And this is before really the last several posts of craziness (really manifested in some of the comments). I would think if he has been following some of the latest stuff she is putting out, that his views might be shifting again. But who knows for certain, unless he clearly clarifies where he stands. Given his past support of her on… Read more »

Ton
Ton
9 years ago

Does it pay to take any women seriously?

hoellenhund2
9 years ago

“Again, I’m still dumbfounded that Vox still takes her seriously.”

Well, at least he deleted that nasty twat’s site from the blogroll of Alpha Game. I’ll give him that.

Rol
Rol
9 years ago

I thought the whole debating women is futile thing was established long ago. It rings true for me in my everyday life, almost without exception. It’s even worse doing it online in their domain because they’ll either turn comments off, mod you out or ban you. It’s never worth the effort.

hoellenhund2
9 years ago

The situation is actually worse than that. It’s not that some men believed that debating Walsh is a good idea. It’s that they thought that she’s their ally.

SC
SC
9 years ago

@donalgraeme Yes, the concept of a woman sacrificing her life, at least being willing to sacrifice her life for the sake of a man, has happened twice:

1. Madam Butterfly
2. Pocahontas

Now, Pocahontas did not actually get killed but she did physically put herself in between her man and harm’s way. So it still counts.

Young Journeyman
Young Journeyman
8 years ago

I watched Blue Valentine. That movie was confusing as hell for me. I honestly see gossling playing that character like a proper alpha. Sure he stays with her when she has another man’s baby and without context that would be construed as cuckolding or even being the definition of beta. But the was he acts through the whole thing.. 1. When he sees her , he IMMEDIATELY approaches, assumes the sale and did not act in any way beta during that interaction. 2.Then when he happens to run into her on the bus the interaction was flawless. The only beta… Read more »

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7 years ago

[…] Women in Love Men in Love Of Love and War Burden of Performance Love Story […]

gumai
gumai
7 years ago

Don’t you think woman can love a person like they can love a piece of music or as their favorite movie or as their childhood pet or as the feeling of sunlight on their skin…i think that kind of love is mutual to both genders.

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[…] Diese Aussage hier fand ich interessant: […]

rugby11ljh
rugby11ljh
7 years ago

“don’t try to unite morality with Hypergamy, you’ll only end up with a religion you hate.”
Sure thing

weminuche45
weminuche45
4 years ago

Ran across an amazing analysis of the movie Titanic and immediatelty thought of this also amazing article, so I want to drop it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0gr00uYOYk

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[…] From Love Story: […]

Bruce
Bruce
3 years ago

You missed the mark on interpreting Titanic. Leo’s “Jack” character isn’t even close to an alpha male. Little vagabond. Boyish looking. He winces like a little punk when the Swedish guy is gonna punch him over the card game. He looks like a boy next to Rose (who looks womanly not girly). This movie was written by gamma-male-liberal James Cameron as a gamma male fantasy. My wife’s reaction to that movie? Rose was crazy! Cal was rich, handsome and adored her. He also put her in her place (the scene where he yells at her and knocks the dishes off… Read more »

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