Girls on the Side

 

Not to be outdone by the tired ‘Man-Up’ tropes begun by Kay Hymowitz, nor the upstart success of Kate Bollick – who’s managed to parlay her chronic, unconsolidated hypergamy into a career and a new TV series – we again hear the feminism triumphalist wailings from Hannah Rosin. Apparently it wasn’t enough for Hannah to allow her End of Men article to fade into the annals of feminine primacy on the pages of The Atlantic, no, she’s extrapolated her tales of anecdotal misandry into a new book of the same title. And here I was concerned about compiling the better part Rational Male into book form (*eye roll*).

I would generally pass off of Rosin as I would the ‘concerns’ of any long post-Wall, solipsistic yenta, however in her book advertisement article Boys on the Side (h/t Aunt Giggles) there was so much feminine primacy tunnel vision it made me wonder if she’d ever read the word ‘hypergamy’. When I read the complaintive screeds of neo-feminists I expect to read a certain degree of self-confirming, self-important concerns for the female condition all reinforced by anecdotal evidence, and Rosin doesn’t disappoint. Her entire article is filled with op-ed personal vignettes of how the brutality of the contemporary sexual marketplace has reduced ‘dating’ (for women) to a series of passing fuck buddies until such a time that a (westernized, upper middle class) woman feels ‘complete’ enough in the professional realm to want to shift into marriage and mommy mode.

For all of her analysis Rosin simply doesn’t grasp the totality of feminine hypergamy and the social influence it has effected upon men and women. I can’t imagine Hannah would be ignorant of the dynamic of hypergamy, but from reading this article, it’s apparent that the feminine imperative makes acknowledging hypergamy’s influence an inconvenient truth that needs to be danced around, all while complaining that men are ruthlessly capitalizing upon it and enjoying some new boon for their own sexual strategy.

I’ve brought this up on Susan’s echo chamber more than once, but what Rosin (and really any woman) doesn’t get is that from the mid 60’s to 2012 we’ve been living in a social reality defined by feminine hypergamy. Since the sexual revolution and the advent of exclusively female controlled birthing, men have progressively become ancillary to the female reality. So when women run headlong into the negative social consequences of their own unfettered hypergamy – such as the evolution of hook up culture – the reflexive response is to presume that the downside of that hypergamy must necessarily be the results of men refusing to play by the social rules they constantly and conveniently rewrite for themselves.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about the rationalizations of the feminine imperative.

Every observation, every personal account of frustration, in Rosin’s article can directly be attributed to a modern sexual marketplace (SMP) that was formed by women’s unrestrained hypergamic impulses. The college women she interviews don’t mention ‘hooking up’ with average betas, they mention banging the hot guys on Ivy League lacrosse teams. In reality, there are likely far more average frustrated betas lining up to get with these ‘poor girls’ who are more than willing to take them out “for frozen yogurt and a $3 date.” Hook up culture or not, these aren’t the guys women are motivated to fuck. Frat guys, cads, indifferent Alphas, PUAs, incarcerated murderers, these are the guys that get the reflex response from a 23 y.o. girl.

Hannah’s mistake is in presuming, in classic feminine-primary myopia, that hook up culture is the result of men sexually exploiting women’s new life schedule for career with a side of family later. Never is there an afterthought that it is in fact women’s innate predisposition to fuck and secure commitment from the best male her sexuality can afford her has  almost singlehandedly created the environment which developed the hook up culture she and her poor college girls lament. As I’ve said before, Game is the logical countermeasure to evolve under the condition of unrestricted hypergamy. This in turn contributes to creating a new socio-sexual environment that changes the rules of engagement for how men and women relate to each other.

 

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

I shared this with Ms. Bolick, Rollo. As an aside, I know quite a few high-status females who seems quite excited about her TV show (even though I don’t think there’s that much information on it). Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of friend requests on social networks from women who were formerly high status and unfulfilled, but met a Red-Pillish male who took the reins with strength and finally brought them some fulfillment. It’s curious to watch these formerly heavy sharers online sort of drop away and disappear somewhat. It’s tragic, because if they continued to share, they may… Read more »

Jim
Guest
Jim

We had a topless protest here this past Sunday. And who was being called out in the letters to the paper? Men. The meme wasn’t so much about women exposing themselves and the consequences. It was about the perverted men leering at them as if they are responsible that it happened.

Damn if you do and damn if you don’t.

HeligKo
Guest

Female hyepergamy is breaking relationships. Women don’t know how to relate to their men. When they start feeling things that make them vulnerable, they walk. They move on to the next stud. We aren’t supposed to be men with feelings. We are supposed to satisfy their need for feeling good about themselves. My parent’s generation has destroyed any hope of normal, healthy relationships with women. I suspect it doesn’t get better for my sons. I will have to teach them to be way more cautious than myself.

ladysadie1
Guest

@ AB

“will women realize that high status overeducation is an SMV decreaser”

Indeed. However, it is also a necessity in many situations.

As for you fear that politics will become female-heavy…as far as I am concerned, ONE female politician is too many. (Keep in mind that if I was of the femiNazi type, I would be their poster-girl. ‘Just sayin’)

As Roll points out, “…from the mid 60′s to 2012 we’ve been living in a social reality defined by feminine hypergamy.” Yep, and look at the sorry state of affairs that the feminist brainwashing has brought us.

The Lone Planet
Guest
The Lone Planet

It’s never going to change, only get worse.

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

ladysadie: overeducation is NOT a necessity. It’s a power play. As more women, through feminist-Marxist pressures, entered the work force, you had an overabundance of labor available. This, as we economists know, causes a downward force on wages. Mothers leaving the home to work caused wages for the working father to plummet. Over time, this forced two parents to work since one parent could not earn enough to afford the consumer lifestyle sold to families by Hollywood. The proper solution: a man works hard in his teen years and 20s to save up enough to purchase a small home. 2… Read more »

Big Ern
Guest

Cool photo, where did you get it?

Alpha Mission
Guest

We need Game to survive in this society that is so given to the feminine imperative. Todays feminist society will chew up and spit out the gameless man. The only way I can see to fix such a society is for all the males out there to take the red pill and be men that stand up for themselves and don’t cower before womankind.

ladysadie1
Guest

AB, I agree with you, and thank you for stating it so clearly.

HeligKo
Guest

Once you have kids the house is in the deal. You are not protected by having bought that before the marriage.

HeligKo
Guest

@alpha mission. Game doesn’t change anything. The courts will spit you out just as fast with or without game. It may provide a temporary shield to the effects of this, but to engage women at all puts you at risk. Knowing game and understanding the risks helps protect you, but it is not shield enough to stop the juggernaut of the law from being used against you.

Coy
Guest
Coy

Here’s something I’m curious about. Does Game need above average IQ to learn? I mean sure few bad experiences with women will teach every-man a lot.By game I mean true positive masculinity life changing mindset not just PUA tricks.
If this is true and the statistics quoted by the femi-nazi in her article are true then the pool of men able to learn game goes down as most men are dropping out at high school? Or can you just get it by repeated trial and error?

HeligKo
Guest

@coy game doesn’t require much. Understanding the psychology and sociology that game has been derived from probably does require a decent IQ, or at least a thoughtful mind. This is also what will provide you with the insights to engage the modern culture with knowledge and as much power as a man can have. Having game allows a lot of thugs to walk themselves straight into jail. Its not hard to have game, but it is hard to understand what happened and why.

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

HeligKo: “Once you have kids the house is in the deal. You are not protected by having bought that before the marriage.” Sure you are, if the house is in an irrevocable living trust (transfered to the names of your children upon your death), or if you’re really wealthy, you can put it into a blind trust REIT sort of deal. There are many options available for a man to protect his assets in marriage, he just has to learn them and plan for them. If I marry (doubtful, but who knows?), all my assets, investments and incomes are provided… Read more »

theprivateman
Guest

And let’s throw in another complicating factor:

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/how-will-they-find-husbands/

Stingray
Guest

It will never cease to amaze me how these empowered, independent, strong women want to force men to change to better their own lives. Isn’t that the point of being empowered, so they can do for themselves?

Peregrine John
Guest
Peregrine John

Sure, there’s a lot in here to worry over, but schadenfreude over these damned fools’ self-imposed misery is a nice counterpoint. Roisin’s wailing desperation warms the cockles of my blackened heart. Inasmuch as I have warmth. Or a heart.

christianplayer
Guest

Yeah, the book advertisement was the key. What’s missing sometimes in this community is the understanding that this article was meant to help her sales on the End of Men book. Sadly, that will probably perform well.

Stingray
Guest

It’s tragic, because if they continued to share, they may be able to show younger dames that there’s power in domesticity and redemption in taking advantage of their own progesterone powers that truly bring joy to the high-testosterone Man. Some of us are trying AB Dada (though I can’t claim to be a high status woman, I really don’t even know what that means). Check out On the Rock and Barefoot in the Clearing on the side bar if you have any interest. My take on “taking advantage of [my] progesterone powers”. Hopefully some of the other posts also do… Read more »

Alpha Mission
Guest

@heligKo sure Game will help such a man deal with women in this system. Game will teach him a. Don’t get a woman pregnant, and b. Don’t cohabitate with one.

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

Stingray: I don’t think Rollo worries about self-promotion here if it aids in the discussion.

Reading it all now — I’ll try to comment over there for clarity.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

It’s all good Stingray. My filter only picks up certain links as spam and you made the blogroll a while back now.

kellytaddea
Guest

I’m often left with the impression that if it was not for sex, my ability to conceive their children, be a replacement for their mother, a symbol of status or a pastime to fill the day when they having nothing else better to do most men would have little use for women. To intuitively feel this because no man ever seems willing to admit this directly to my face leaves me feeling like I’m a replaceable part manufactured in a factory. [The first one to do so will be the Alpha you can’t get over. Women would rather be objectified… Read more »

Lumpy
Guest
Lumpy

“I’m often left with the impression that if it was not for sex… most men would have little use for women.”

Only true for hot alpha guys.

“To intuitively feel this because no man ever seems willing to admit this directly to my face leaves me feeling like I’m a replaceable part manufactured in a factory.”

Beta guys care about your individuality and your feelings, and know how special you are. That dweeby guy that gave you flowers on the first date said you’re his soulmate!

Lulz at the apex fallacy.

Stingray
Guest

Thank you again for adding me to your blogroll. I was/am quite honored to be there.

S
Guest

The image accompanying this post is disturbing, I don’t even want to know where you got it.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Kelly, I understand your despair about the harsh truths I put forth with the rest of the manosphere, but understand it’s not about retribution or even anger really. When you’re saturated in beliefs conditioned by what you think the rules everyone is playing by, and find out that it’s not the case, it can be depressing. It sounds a lot like hate, because we’ve been so dog-whistle conditioned to recognize anything counter to those beliefs as hate. I have a connection with Mrs. Tomassi that goes far beyond the mere utility you’re so afraid of becoming to a guy. There’s… Read more »

JS
Guest
JS

“there are likely far more average frustrated betas lining up to get with these ‘poor girls’ who are more than willing to take them out “for frozen yogurt and a $3 date.””

Shoe doesn’t realize that these guys exist because they’re totally invisible to women.

S
Guest

One of the overriding messages that I get here (the site in general) without even reading into great depth is: “Ladies, get married between 22-24 or else you are fucked”.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Kelly, read this post:
https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/the-horses-mouth/

It’ll help you understand your own disillusionment.

Dean
Guest
Dean

The Rosin article is interesting even if she is a feminist. Looking at this from a historical perspective, something like this was bound to happen. We live in an advanced industrial society that has generated alot of wealth. What were women going to do in such a society? Stay wives and moms forever? That wasn’t realistic. An advanced economy made women’s careerism inevitable and it made the 1950s “Father Knows Best” model obsolete. It also made social Conservatism obsolete. But here are some other points to consider: * The welfare / regulatory state has had significant affects on the SMP.… Read more »

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

S: A woman needs to learn, preferably early on, that her SMV peaks when she’s young, 22-24 in the vast majority of women. Once she starts declining, it can accelerate very quickly. When her SMV falls, her ability to “catch” the strongest man she can will also decrease, but unfortunately her forebrain will not accept that fact. Also, her single women her age will constantly reiterate to her that she’s still a catch. So, yes, a woman is best suited to marrying at 22-24. That way, when her kids are 13 or older, she’s still in her 30s and she… Read more »

Stingray
Guest

Don’t be so offended by objectification I had a conversation with a friend of mine not too long ago: Her: Do you think it is wrong for a husband to objectify his wife? Me: Hell no. The minute my husband stops objectifying me is the minute I start to worry. Her: Good. That’s what I thought, too. Objectification starts the whole attraction and will keep things fresh and fun as I think it is where a great deal of the visceral attraction comes from. Your personality, demeanor, care of him, and so forth will mean so much more to him… Read more »

Stingray
Guest

Oops, must have forgotten to close the italics tag.

Nutz
Guest
Nutz

Classic examples of “hawt girls” iving it up in their 20s. I wonder where they’ll be in 20 years? http://elitedaily.com/elite/2012/girls-married/?fb_action_ids=10101257703009938 Guys, stop playing beta provider to these women later in live. Make them wonder where all the good men are so they can be met with answers such as “in your 20s where you left them”. Maybe then we can break the cycle and get women to wise up and leverage their youth and fertility to land a quality guy instead of waiting until it’s too late. Maybe then we’ll drop the illegitimacy rates and reliance on Uncle Sam as… Read more »

S
Guest

I do disagree with the notion of waiting until 30s before thinking about settling down..the the man should be sought in the twenties. But the idea that well, if she hasn’t married by 25 or whatever she must pay for her mistakes is a bit absurd. I know that isn’t the exact message that is attempting to be delivered here but it is one that does come across.

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

There’s more than enough science and anecdotal evidence that younger women are healthier mothers — plus plenty of women harm their bodies in their 20s partying and catching STDs, etc.

Believe what you want, but there’s a biological imperative (ever hear of the biological clock?) that most hormonally-healthy hetero women have, and if they satisfy that imperative young, they truly are free to do what they want after.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

@Dean An exclusively male form of hormonal birth control (the male pill) would set the present SMP on its ass. The primary reason for the SMP as it is today is largely due to women being afforded unilateral control of their birthing (and ultimately provisioning), entirely excluding men from determining when they will have a family, and with that the control of male sexual strategy. Exclusively female hormonal birth control for women has had a more significant impact on humanity than the advent of nuclear weapons. Hypergamy is the only game in the SMP. When a woman wanted a family… Read more »

S
Guest

A.B. Dada,

I get your point and I said a woman should be looking to find a man to settle with whilst still in her 20s. But 22-24 is a short window and women are still attractive, fertile and capable of attracting a quality man for at least a few years beyond that point. I’m not saying this to reassure myself either (I’m dating someone), I’m saying it because it’s true.

Team-Red
Guest
Team-Red

Also S, The more partners a woman has the less likely she will be able to pair-bond with a male for the long term as she will constantly be comparing that partner to all previous partners that she slept with and ultimately become discontent, aka “unhappy”. There are numerous studies out there that prove the more partners a woman has, the divorce rate increase dramatically with the man she “settles” for. Not only that, but men will not marry a woman that has been around a few times because of the risk of her being unfaithful to him and because… Read more »

S
Guest

Agreed Team-Red but it also should be asserted that not all women sleep around.

HeligKo
Guest

@Team-Red, churches have fixed that. The whore is reformed, and good guys need to marry them. I fell for that crock. I had one sexual partner before getting married. I knew my wife had quite a few more. I had no idea until we were married (never slept together) just how many. I can’t walk in a church without cringing at the number men being duped by these lies. Jesus forgives, but that does not mean that these men should overlook the past. They need to live with their consequences. These men who save themselves because of their beliefs deserve… Read more »

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

S: I’m planning children with a woman who is late 20s now myself. I can and have dated younger women but never for kids.

It’s not a rule, just a reality to be aware of.

S
Guest

A.B. Dada,

Understood and the best of luck with your plans.

Team-Red
Guest
Team-Red

@ S

I’m not saying sleep around, but over time of let’s say a decade or so of multiple short to mid-term relationships, that partner count really adds up. With every new partner she reduces the ability to bond with a single man and slowly becomes an Alpha Widow in the process.

S
Guest

Well, that’s why a single woman should avoid forming emotional attachments until there’s a solid reason to do so. Not having sex is the main way to do this.

Dean
Guest
Dean

@ Rollo, I don’t disagree with the fact that the pill has changed human socio sexuality drastically. But my point is that this was inevitable. Assuming the continuation of industrial civilization, which granted given today’s Left and weak Conservatives and Islamic expansionism is a shaky assumption, there was going to be the pill and there will be male birth control no matter what the Left does. My point is that the political development of modern collectivism; ie the Left, the Progressives, the Cultural Marxists, the Socialists or the Fucking Commies – whatever you want to call them – has ALSO… Read more »

FuriousFerret
Guest
FuriousFerret

“In reality, there are likely far more average frustrated betas lining up to get with these ‘poor girls’ who are more than willing to take them out “for frozen yogurt and a $3 date.”

If you just add ‘alpha male’ after everything a woman complains about in the dating scene, it explains everything.

blackbird.young
Guest

Interesting read, as always. And congrats on the first year, million views, etc… This is somewhat off topic, but I was curious if any readers or you, Rollo, have any experience with, or know anything about “Swingers Clubs”? What’s the “manosphere’s” opinion on these “sex club” places. I recently received an invite to one of these “sex parties” and may or may not tag along. Seems kinda strange, but I’m curious. Lacking any idea what these were, I did some research, and despite there being little helpful information, I did find a bunch of local (or within a reasonable driving… Read more »

Swingcat
Guest
Swingcat

Blackbird, there is some good info on swingers clubs in PUA forums. I still find it highly lacking though. Athol also has written some about what he suspects goes on with couples who get into swinging. David Shade is a well known PUA that is also a swinger. He might have written something useful about it. I`ve never been to a swingers club and don`t know any swingers. One thing mentioned by a PUA who has gone to Swingers clubs is that there is a lot of very subtle eye contact and flirting signs sent by women to guys that… Read more »

Wudang
Guest
Wudang

Kellytaddea, read a bit on Stingrays blog. It will make you feel better about things. Maybe evolutionary speaking the benefit of the things you mentioned are what men derive from relationships but they are not all we FEEL about relationships. THey might be the cause far back for our emotions but they are not our emotions. I certainly value the feeling of LOVE very highly as well as the feelings of intimacy, connection and companionship. I am also very picky about the personality of the woman beyond her looks and not just in the sense of being wife material in… Read more »

Alex
Guest
Alex

“The proper solution: a man works hard in his teen years and 20s to save up enough to purchase a small home. 2 bedrooms and 2 baths is enough for him, his future wife, and 2 children. If a man can save just $10,000 a year from 16 to 32, he will have more than enough to purchase a nice, small home almost anywhere (minus LA, NYC, etc). Once his biggest expense is covered, and protected from divorce law” A.B. Dada, I would not rely solely upon ownership of an asset prior to marriage to show that asset belongs solely… Read more »

A.B. Dada
Guest
A.B. Dada

Alex: I answered that specifically above in this very post — read a little further down.

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/girls-on-the-side/?replytocom=9438#comment-9387

Alex
Guest
Alex

My bad, for my previous post. A.B. does cover the topic of protecting your assets in a later post. I should have finished all the postings before replying.

Sir Alan
Guest

As always, Rollo Tomassi hits the nail on the head. I enjoy the post AND the ensuing dialogue.

blackbird.young
Guest

Thanks Swingcat.

joemomma35
Guest
joemomma35

I just thought of this but I do believe it’s true – feminism is a major reason that anxiety disorders are on the rise. Read any article on the increase on anxiety disorders and you’ll know that they have been on the rise for about 50 years as well. More divorces because of unrestricted hypergamous nature, more cunty women at work, etc. Also, with equal rights, what man likes being bossed around by a hot chick at work because she’s been at the company longer than he has? Fuck that, no man wants to be below any woman, especially a… Read more »

joemomma35
Guest
joemomma35

Not to mention that I would assume a relationship where a type A (masculinized, Westernized) woman ends up gaining more status and money than her husband, thus putting her out of her female defined role, probably causes plenty of anxiety for women as well. She goes out searching for other men who may or may not fuck her and her family over, if other men even consider her in the first place given her aging looks. Roissy’s blog once pointed to women being happier in a traditional woman role, but I can’t find the link and I don’t remember if… Read more »

Alpha Mission
Guest

I believe you are on to something Mr. Momma

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Sword
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Sword

I liked the pic, I think more guys need to think of women in terms like this, dirty little sluts.

titanium
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titanium

Rollo “An exclusively male form of hormonal birth control (the male pill) would set the present SMP on its ass. The primary reason for the SMP as it is today is largely due to women being afforded unilateral control of their birthing (and ultimately provisioning), entirely excluding men from determining when they will have a family, and with that the control of male sexual strategy. ” Could the same argument be made except with condoms replacing male hormonal birth control? In that case, condoms do exist so it’s not entirely accurate that men are excuded from deciding when to start… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

True, but a condom is an immediate mediary between a man and a woman at the time of the sex act. Yes, it serves the same function as feminine birth control but hormonal birth control still has the element of trust associated with it. In other words, you’re taking a woman’s word that she’s on the pill whereas a man can’t pretend not to be using a condom. In an immediate, spontaneous sexual encounter (ONS) a prudent guy with his wits about him would see the utility of protecting himself with a condom, but put that same guy into an… Read more »

Spyros
Guest
Spyros

To blackbird.young:

So, how was it?

I was also quite surpozed never to read anything about swinging here.

We actually do play that game, my wife and I, from time to time. Either 4 (2 couples) or 3 (ourselves + a girl), mainly privately.

It’s a (very) good thing to do…as we say here in France, if your couple is happy, it will be even more…if not, it’s going to be worse. We are happy, so that is only positive. No need to explain why…noone dislikes some alpha overdose from time to time.

Spyros
Guest
Spyros

erratum: “surprized” (3rd §)

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