You Need Sex

Index1

When I first got laid in 1985, I went to the bathroom, toweled off the equipment and walked down to 7-11 for a big gulp. No blue birds landed on my shoulder to whistle Disney songs and no ray of sunlight broke through the clouds to shine on me. Nor did I think “damn, that was terrible, I’ve lost all respect for myself, I’ll never be the same again,…sob!”, it felt pretty good. The traffic lights still worked, the busses ran on time (sorta) and food still tasted good.

I’ve had sex with over 40 women since then. I got laid first when I was 17 and on average I’ve been having sex with my wife 2-3 times a week (and a hummer on her off weeks) for coming up on 17 years now. Sex is a great part of life, sometimes it’s memorable, sometimes it’s taking care of myself, but it’s never been some epic experience of cosmic importance. It keeps you healthy in body, mind and spirit, and the best I can describe sex is that it’s an important part of a balanced life experience. People have been fucking a lot longer than anyone’s had time to contemplate the esoteric significance of sex.

I can remember listening to an episode of the Tom Leykis show when he was on terrestrial radio, and he described what sex is like for men. He said, sex is like taking a piss for a guy – sooner or later he’s got to take care of himself and let loose. Now, most guys would prefer to take a piss in a nice clean bathroom, where the towels smell good and he can feel comfortable and unhurried. Sure, he’d love to have the occasion to take a piss in the bathroom of a four star hotel with gold plated faucets and all the trimmings, but when he really has to go, he’ll stop along the side of the road or take a piss at a dirty gas station urinal. Sooner or later he’s gonna have to go.

What prompted today’s post was my reading a recent blog entry of a notable christo-manosphere commenter. I’m not going to name him since I think most of the readers who frequent Rational Male  from Dalrock or Sunshinemary’s blogs already know who I’m referencing. What’s important is his life’s plight. The nuts and bolts of his post was his lament in finding a suitable, monogamous mate to marry, have sex with and (presumedly) have a life and children with.

It’s not too tall an order for even the most abject Beta of men. To be sure, nowadays it increasingly requires a good amount of self-delusion and / or faith for a guy to consider monogamy, and red pill disillusionment can help or aggravate, but statistically more people are engaging in monogamy than not at some stage of their lives. However, this blogger feels doomed and relegated to what I can only assume is a self-inflicted life of celibacy due to his religious convictions and his inability to connect with the properly prescribed virgin bride who fits his ideal.

Now before I dive too far in here, I’m not going to debate the merits or limitations of this guy’s conviction. Before I started considering this post I realized I’ll be run up the moralist flagpole for even using his predicament as my example, but what I’m going to focus on is the need men (and by association women) have for sex. Try to keep this in mind.

Big Heads and Little Heads

One very common dismissal of red pill awareness I read from blue pill men is this feigned, blasé indifference to sex.

“All that Red Pill, PUA shit is for guy’s who obsess over sex. They only go to the lengths they do to get laid and never see the bigger picture. You don’t need sex you know, you wont die from not getting laid.”

For the most part this pseudo-indifference is really a feminized, conditioned, response couched in Beta Game. The idea, of course, is for the blue pill guy to promote the public perception that he’s above his sexual impulses in the hopes that any girl within earshot (or reading his comments online) will recognize his uniqueness in not letting his cock do his thinking for him. From a male deductive logic standpoint it makes sense to the feminized male – women have all told him how put off they are with guys who only think about sex, so he’ll identify with the women he’d like to get with and “not be like other guys.

Boys subscribing to this identification usually find themselves sexually frustrated by the very women they hope to connect with in their sexual indifference because, on a core level, women are psychologically insulted by men who actively desexualize themselves in order to get with them. Despite every verbal protestation women can muster, women are aroused by, and ego-affirmed by, Men who unashamedly display the covert social cues of wanting to fuck them.

Thats the Beta Game behind the “you don’t need sex” Buffer, but there’s more too this rationale than that. Technically the Beta reasoning is correct; physically, you’re not going to die if you don’t get laid. You could probably masturbate to relieve yourself or live a sexless existence due to a physical disability and live a productive life as satisfying as you can manage it. If you don’t know what you’re missing or if a sexual substitute does the job, what’s the difference, right? The line of reasoning is that if it isn’t food, water or oxygen it isn’t really a necessity for existence.

From an absolutist perspective it’s one of those conveniently unassailable positions that excuse a guy’s inability to get laid – “no one really needs sex, and if you think you do you’re obviously preoccupied with it and letting your little head do the thinking for you.” By this line of reasoning, basic necessities like clothing and shelter could be considered superfluous needs for living, but since it’s sex, and in most respects hedonistically enjoyable, special consideration has to be given.

The unhealthy disconnect here is that human beings do in fact need sex. We can attach other ephemeral aspects to the sex act (or masturbation if that’s the only recourse), like love, emotion, commitment, etc., but on a base level your body needs sexual release in one form or another. Yes, you can willfully override the need, just like you can overcome hunger while you’re fasting or on a hunger strike, but the need is still the operative in that act of will. Once hunger, breathing and thirst are satisfied, sex is the single most influential drive the human species (really, most any species) is motivated by. Society is driven by sex, cultures evolve around it and personal achievements, as well as horrible atrocities are the result of our inborn prompt to satisfy our sexual urges.

Sigmund Freud once said, “all energy is sexual”, meaning that subliminally we will redirect our motivation for ungratified sexual impulse to other endeavors. Thus it’s men, being the sex with the highest amount of libido inducing testosterone, who must look for far more outlets to transfer this motivation to than women. So is it any real surprise that it’s historically been Men who’ve primarily been the empire builders, the conquerors, the creators, and destroyers who’ve (for better or worse) moved humanity the most significantly?

Life Experience

If I said I felt pity for men like the blogger I mentioned earlier, who through their own conviction or bad circumstance, have never had sex in their lives, I don’t think I’d be accurate in expressing myself. I feel a profound sadness for them; a sadness similar to when you meet someone who’s lost a limb or has had to live with a physical or mental disability. For guys who want to tell you that you don’t need sex to live a fulfilling life I’m sure this sounds like conceit. There are plenty of inspirational individuals who live their lives without arms or legs, or with other disabilities, that we can all look up to for “overcoming the odds”, but the reason they are inspiring is because they must strive for a quality of life that others simply take for granted. Run a marathon and it’s quite an achievement, but do it as a paraplegic and it’s a triumph of human will.

Sometimes a sexless life is a choice of conviction, but more often it’s not a choice for men, it’s simply their circumstance. I grieve every time I read a comment by, or receive a painful request for help from a late 30’s man who’s still a virgin. Sex is a part of a healthy human experience; if you want to apply meaning to it, if you only consider its legitimacy within marriage or monogamy, or if you enjoy sex with many women, the function is still the same.

I felt this way after I read the aforementioned blogger relating his frustration about his not being able to find an appropriate woman to wife under today’s social climate. This post isn’t an attempt to convince him to adjust his expectations; I can’t necessarily empathize with his convictions or his reasonings (I’ve always enjoyed sex, and never felt guilt for enjoying it), however, I can empathize with his deep desire to become intimate and sexual with a woman. This healthy human experience is denied to him by conviction, but it doesn’t alleviate his desire for it.

He needs sex.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

168 comments on “You Need Sex

  1. Sex is overrated and addictive.
    Having sex = immense amount of dopamine release, you are reprogramming the brain to crave that feelings once again. The brain isn’t designed to constantly have sex.

    I have nothing against having sex, but I’ll let the girls come to me when the oppertunity arises. I won’t go out of my way to try to pull a chick home.

    Why should I waste my time chasing after sex when I can study and become a doctor, then acquire said sex? Acquiring a doctors degree by the time I’m 25, specializing in cardiology and subsequently pulling in hundreds of thousands $ a year.
    ^
    Does that sound better than flipping burgers and spending the weekends drinking for the rest of your life?

    Rollo, you sound butthurt for having a worthless degree @ university and having the jack of one trade (being a >40 year old who tries to specialize on the opposite gender). I pity guys who’s life only circulates around sex.

  2. Permanent Guest … not necessarily.
    “men who will say “I need sex!” are the first to deny that they need a woman. You can’t have one without the other. “
    For instance, in my country, there are few eligible women … and millions of sheep …

  3. The brain isn’t designed to constantly have sex.

    No, it’s evolved to constantly assess sexual availability (men) and parental investment potential (women).

    You might be better served reading this:
    http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/17/the-pheromonal-beta/

    But since we’re playing “Beat that Absolutism”, consider this:

    Sex is a need, because without it, without the constant pursuit of diversifying the genetic pool, the human species dies out. Ergo, sex is a human need.

  4. I was struck by me’s comment. Four years chaste and he feels dead inside. I can beat that by a factor of two. I’m betting we’re not that far apart in age either. I don’t feel dead inside, but I sure as hell have a lot of scar tissue. I had a distant and uninvolved father who was a midnight drinker, a co-dependent mother, and a whole trainload of unmet needs when entering calendar adulthood. Except nobody talked about “unmet needs” back then. It was called “I don’t know what’s wrong with you (me)”.

    Cutting a long story short, after a while in recovery I realised that I had sex for the same reason I drank: it made me feel as if I was Living A Life. Look! I must be living, I got laid! I got drunk! I got a job! I got a pay rise! I got a flat of my own! I got a mortgage! I got a girlfriend! I lost a girlfriend! I went on holiday! I must be living. Right? Wrong. Based on my experience, living isn’t about what you do, it’s about how you feel when you’re doing it, and mostly I felt absent. Absent was how I coped then.

    I have no idea what regular people do sex for. I’m an addict / alcoholic / ACoA and I’m wired differently. (If you don’t understand that, or think it’s a crock, be grateful, be very, very grateful.) I know I need to heft The Iron and eat right or I will turn into one of those many pieces of physical sludge that get on my commuter train. I know I need to read challenging non-fiction, because otherwise my brain will turn into the kind of jelly that is satisfied with game shows. That I get. But for a long while, once I didn’t need the fake feeling of “living a life”, I had no idea what the point of sex was. Because as a physical pleasure, I get more of a high from a good dance anthem. Or a good steak. Or from sunshine (I live in England – the sun rarely shines over here, so it’s wonderful when it does).

    I don’t feel dead inside. I don’t even feel numb. The only reason I’d like to get laid again is to prove that, at my age, I Still Got It. Ego. Vanity. (Fine motives both – very few non-vain, non-sporty people are in any kind of decent physical shape.) That’s good enough for entertaining someone who’s out for some sport, but it’s not something I’d like to do to, you know, an actual acquaintance.

    Good. Glad I’ve sorted that out.

  5. Not related to this specific article, but to the broader theme of the blog. Here’s an example of the feminine imperative even in video games: grown up males must be presented as equals to teenage girls…
    http://tinyurl.com/l3kj4o5

  6. “Run a marathon and it’s quite an achievement, but do it as a paraplegic and it’s a triumph of human will.”

    Agreed.

    I do not feel pity for sexeless man, on condition that it his own choosing. However, I honestly feel pity for every sex obsessed or married man, be it his own volition or not. This guy is able to make himself believe that his senseless slavery to his woman and children is goood, moreover has some, ehm, higher purpose. He is entirely happy in his role as a slave and has arrived at a goal he had soooo long desired. Due to this thing he persuades himself that every man NEED this. He is definitely not able to understand freedom.

    Do not fool ourselves, it is not about SEX. It is just the macho stupidity – I am the MAN I NEED sex. Nope. It is about the deep need of a man – slave, to be VALIDATED and recognized by woman, to HAVE woman in his life. If we need just sex as a free men, we would be perfectly happy with hookers.

    Due to this one I hold every free man, celibate or not – from his own volition, waaay above every WOMEN (not sex) obsessed or married slave. THIS is the triumph of manly will.

  7. @ seven dials

    “I don’t feel dead inside. I don’t even feel numb. The only reason I’d like to get laid again is to prove that, at my age, I Still Got It. Ego. Vanity.”

    This one. It is no different than having a new sports car, running our own company, etc. We have this innate feeling that we have to PROVE something, we have to achieve something, to be MEN. And we are dancing for our masters – women, to be choosen by them. Without this – without women, cars, children, job, work….we are NOTHING. This is the problem, and the deep reason for the expression – “you NEED SEX”. Young men are pursuing those things – you know, you HAVE to fuck 20 beauties, to be the MAN, you HAVE to run your business and be the BOSS, to be the man, you have to do this, you have to do that. You have to PERFORM, to be worthy. Otherwise you are looser, you are trash, you are nothing. But even after you achieve ALL this, there is still this sense of emptiness inside, so we have to stick to our possesions and masters – women, cos without them..we are again….nothing. If we need sex, whats the fucking point in sexing the same unattractive beast for 20 years? Is THIS “sex” at all?

    This is manifested in feelings of countless divorced guys..suddently they lost their masters – women, their property, their children. They were robbed of all they ever had, they were robbed of their own identity, their sense of self. And this is the reason of continuos obsession about women, about their feelings, about how they operate, etc… many guys are able to popp out thousands articles about women… as if women were important. Women are NOT important, it is about US. Women are only mirroring ourselves, this is all they ever were. Red pill is not about “how to behave to be better slave, to be alpha, to have maaany women”. Red pill is about understanding ourselves and breaking those chains.

  8. @ seven dials
    It’s imperative to understand that both narcissism and borderline personality disordered people have incurred similar types of wounds in childhood from a dysfunctional family dynamic (i.e. alcoholic parent, BPD mother etc.) it’s only a natural selection process that we are drawn to people spinning on a similar axis ( similar stunted emotional growth be they, emotional abusers, controllers manipulators etc.) the reason the your relationships don’t work out is that neither person can resolve conflict in an adult manner and the standard default response is the single loop learned map from childhood. Have you been to therapy?
    The reason I ask is I grew up with a bpd mother I know exactly how you feel.

  9. @Gregg

    “This is manifested in feelings of countless divorced guys..suddently they lost their masters – women, their property, their children. They were robbed of all they ever had, they were robbed of their own identity, their sense of self.”

    I don’t know if I buy the rest, but I do know this feeling – this sense of loss, or better yet, the sense of being “lost”. But I also read it thinking…if you’ve “lost” everything and there is nothing else to lose, why doesn’t that feel like freedom? Anger, rage against the whole thing? I know I’ve felt anger and rage – disappointment – disillusionment – depressed – confused and generally out of sorts.

    But if it is true that WE have a choice – that we can think what we want, we can feel what we want, we can do what we want – especially now that we have lost everything – then why don’t we? Thanks for posting that, it really is something to think about

  10. @ yep its me

    “I don’t know if I buy the rest, but I do know this feeling – this sense of loss, or better yet, the sense of being “lost”. But I also read it thinking…if you’ve “lost” everything and there is nothing else to lose, why doesn’t that feel like freedom? Anger, rage against the whole thing? I know I’ve felt anger and rage – disappointment – disillusionment – depressed – confused and generally out of sorts.”

    We DO have choice, do not worry. Unfortunatelly, if this feeling is your default condition, read the cynical optimist here – you might have been the child of BPD/NPD parents. I had some clients with BPD/NPD past and diagnosis…BPD parents are not emotionally available and children are severly handicaped as a result. My utmost respect goes to children of such people, they are the right warriors disadvantaged much more than people without legs or arms. IN such a case, seek serious help, my friend. This is not a blog for you. Best wishes.

  11. @ yep

    sorry, bro, I have not noticed that you are other person than “seven dials”. Everything is all right.

  12. @gregg…No prob. And actually I don’t disagree with what you wrote – it’s just that the part i copied really hit me.

  13. @gregg

    It’s hard sometimes to make sense of comments (because we sometimes use them more like forums – but we have what we have right) … I copied a portion of your comment, because as a Man well down the divorce path in my own life, what you wrote struck me – from a perspective of “what can’t this thing be a freeing thing, rather than a sucky thing?”.

    So, it was just something I that I want to ponder and wanted to thank you for your insight.

  14. @ gregg
    Thanks. Get your point about being driven to achieve because we are men. Quite so and the way it should be, though achievement recognition. I don’t feel empty when I achieve by my lights, but sure I’ve felt empty when other people recognise something I don’t think is a big deal.

    When I said “Ego. Vanity” it was like a Good Thing. I think any motive that gets you into shape and achieving is a goodie – because being a dumb tub of lard when you could be otherwise is an absolute abuse of yourself.

    It was actually a relief when I realised that was my motive – because I thought I was trying to get into a “relationship” – and why would I do that when it worked out so well in the past (irony alert). Actually I just wanted to get laid to prove I could. Sigh of relief.

    @cynical optimist
    Thanks. I get the thing about fnerk-ups being drawn to other fnerk-ups. Happens all the time to me even now. The very fact I’m mysteriously attracted to a girl means she should probably go to therapy.

    I’m probably mis-reading your syntax, but I’m not borderline or narcissist. According to the conditions in DSM-IV, those are near-psychiatric disorders and I’m just an ex-drunk. Therapy? I have twenty years sober and done / working the 12 Steps. It’s a process with different aims from therapy. I’m happier with it, but it’s for people with a specific problem. Not for people with the damage you’re talking about. (I know DSM-V is out, but I haven’t read it yet.)

  15. Not getting this post at all. If its specifically addressing some basement blogger that won’t bang any chicks because they aren’t “good enough” morally like Mother Teresa or have T&A like some starlet fine.
    But if this is really to men in general that sex is a “need”…..WTF???
    Let me add to the list – Cold beer, Filet Mignon, Non-Well Vodka….
    As someone who has actual real life needs met & 2 chics in rotation – Sex ain’t a need. If I’m broke I’ll set the sex to the side just as I would the cable tv subscription till I get real life needs back flowing.
    Really surprised to see this – think this article may be the work of a hacker.
    Peace.

  16. So many great comments, I can’t read them all. But I want to link to an article by the theologian Peter Kreeft about sex in heaven.

    http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/sex-in-heaven.htm

    He talks about a lot things, but his main point is that sex is what you are, not something you do, and therefore an intrinsic piece of you that cannot be denied, even after death and resurrection.

  17. The idea, of course, is for the blue pill guy to promote the public perception that he’s above his sexual impulses in the hopes that any girl within earshot (or reading his comments online) will recognize his uniqueness in not letting his cock do his thinking for him

    This is pursuit of *the lift*, the term Steve Dahl coined on Chicago radio in the 80’s and I have adapted to a cyber version. If the blogger is who I suspect it is, I do not see him chasing the lift, but when men do chase it they get, simply, positive female response…the cyber lift. This, as a form of sexual pursuit or Beta Game actually worked in high school in the 70’s, too well in hind sight. It nearly never failed then, 100% lift rate for me. (Or in Ron Burgundy stats, 80% 0f the time it works every time) It’s embarrassing to recall how naive I was and how much more naive the girls were to offer up the very thing i was trying to give vibes that I didn’t care if I got.

    If someone states unequivocally they do not need sex, they are playing with words.

  18. Big themes like noble sacrifice get kicked around on the internet. Words are cheap and I doubt anyone preaching shit like that have really done anything like a noble sacrifice.

    Deeds not words, but we live in the age of words not deeds.

    The only reason a man needs a woman is sex. They have nothing real, substantial or enduring to offer beyond sex.

  19. empathologism
    July 6th, 2013 at 9:18 am

    A variation of that game that gets you laid 75% of the time.

    “Snuggle naked with me. No sex. I love the body contact.” True to my word I didn’t have sex with the, About 75% came back gagging for it. The other 25%? I got to snuggle naked with them.

    If you keep at the girls most will give in to the naked snuggle if you work your game right.

  20. “you wont die from not getting laid.”

    Unless you commit suicide. I seriously considered it during my (almost entirely sexless) college years, but once I started getting laid, the “suicidal ideation” never got very far.

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  22. @ PermanentGuest:

    But as you may become sad over a man who says he has never had sex, I lament the man that has let his mind, body, and (dare I say) soul become controlled by a desire for sex, living life just looking for the next relief.

    That is like saying we are controlled by the desire for food or the desire for leisure or the desire for heat. We crave these things when we don’t have them, but once we have enough of them we think about other things. So it is with sex. If there is a craving, it is because there isn’t enough of it. To feel this craving isn’t wrong, and it doesn’t mean a person wants sex around the clock.

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  26. This idea you don’t need sex is very popular with MGTOWs. First to clarify what is a need and what isn’t. Species have to needs that drive them: to survive and to reproduce. So when people say “you don’t need sex” and use food, water and oxygen as evidence of needs they’re looking at needs from survival point of view but they forget to ask themselves what’s the point of surviving if you don’t reproduce?

    Human’s are social animals and our interactions are based on our needs. What do we need from this particular person we are dealing with now? So for example, you need shelter and your parents put a roof over your head but they leverage this over you when they say “you have to live at our house by our rules, you can’t just go and come as you please”. You need a job to make money to buy food and clothes and this gives your boss power over you. Men want sex for pleasure and to reproduce and this gives women leverage over men.

    The problem is if you let all these people (parents, boss, women, and even government) to leverage your needs over you, they end up dominating you and your interactions with them become one sided and you end up living life by other people’s rules – doing whatever it takes not loose your freedom (thrown in jail by government) your resources (kiss as to keep job) and sexual access (bend over backwards for women)

    This leads to men loosing their sense of freedom and the problem with this is men need freedom like they “need” sex. This is why some men quit high paying corporate jobs and convince themselves they don’t “need” (nice) clothes (big) homes (Michelin star) food and get a low paying job that covers the basics or risk it all and try start a business so they can be their own boss – all this done to create a feeling of freedom.

    Same reason why men convince themselves they don’t “need” sex and turn to porn. This is why MGTOW is so appealing to men. They aren’t necessarily losers who can’t compete in the job market or sexual market place but they are tired of having their natural needs to survive and reproduce being leveraged over them by a combination of big government, big business and women.

  27. As a Christian woman I blame Contraception. Marriage is for children not even for sex because if one can have sex without children (through use of contraception and abortion) then marriage appears obsolete (hence the rise of “gay marriage” another affect of the sexual revolution). So the problem comes down to the ubiquitousness of contraceptive use and how that has changed the meaning of sex and the way people approach it. Let’s be real women would not be running around sleeping around like this if pregnancy was a legitimate consequence of sex and abortion a dangerous inaccessible option. My best advice to men so far is thus to avoid any woman who is “pro choice” if anything is more indicative of being not marriage material that is at the top of the list, granted that is hard to find now a days with 50% of women being pro choice but I digress.

    I don’t subscribe to evolution theory, (molecules to man evolution anyways) but I notice a strong appeal to natural selection , which I fully subscribe to, when it comes to these “red pill” discussions. But let me just say that natural selection has little to do with the current sexual culture right now. I mean on the basic primal level yes we all get “rewarded” emotionally and psychologically engaging in sexual sins of promiscuity but this is not optimal for producing healthy children for a society and is thus not optimal in terms of the natural selection process. If we look at the post sexual revolution societies (mainly the West) what we are now beginning to see are negative birth rates and high aboriton rates (I think it’s one in five pregnancies now). That means sex is becoming more like a drug, a mere recreational act, then anything else. Women and men are getting their fix (women by sleeping with “alphas” and men by sleeping around period) but ultimately all this is possible precisely because they very thing that makes sex a need, children, can be reasonably avoided and detached from the sex act. So when I read these blogs which try to rationalize sexual promiscuity as some sort of survival strategy it’s almost comical. Not only do the promiscuous societies have negative birth rates they also have high rates of disease spreading mainly offset by medical technologies but imagine for a moment a society without these luxuries? it would be wholly unsustainable even worse then what we see now.

    As a Christian I see our human ability to rationalize and not merely act on instinct a part of our nature, it is how we live as humans. Monogamy is thus natural in the sense that it is what creates the healthiest human societies, yes it requires rising above our base instincts but humans were not meant to live like animals and really cannot thrive behaving like them. The argument that promiscuity is natural because of our inclination towards it or our ability to enjoy it is without merit. What’s natural is what helps us thrive not merely taht which we enjoy. Take drugs for instance sure some are enjoyable to abuse, they have that ability to release dopamine or serotonin and thus “reward” us psychologically but ultimately they are harmful to the body. While the inclination to desire the high they cause is based in our nature the actual abuse of the substances is against our nature to survive. I see very little difference with sex, if we were honest we would realize that sex reaches her fufilment in marriage, in monogamy, in producing helathy children that are raised in stable homes and so this model should be respected. And I believe many red pill men see that but many still fall prey to rationalizing sin. I mean sleeping with over 40 women is just plain disgusting and not at all beneficial to society period doing so has nothing to do with survival and everything to do with sin.

    The Bible tells us that we have a sinful nature but that is not to say that sin is natural. God is our life, and we as humans ought to choose life consciously not like animals where living is merely instinctual. That’s why we have this drive to sin that conflicts with our will to live. Well that was my two sense a little long but I felt it needed to be said. I do enjoy seeing a man’s perspective on these matters but as a Christian any rationalization to sin I believe needs to be addressed.

  28. “I don’t subscribe to evolution theory, (molecules to man evolution anyways) . . .

    Where do you suppose the extra 100+ pounds of mass comes from?

  29. Sex increases the likelihood of divorce for women… Not so much for men (at least the stats don’t exist). Monogamy is the best environment for raising children. If there are no consequences for being a promiscuous man, I’m all for it; but so far, all I see is negative consequences…

  30. This is a quite a meritorious article, because it comes from a guy who has never struggled to get sex and yet he is able to understand quite well how inceldom feels. Neither my father or friends have so far. Kudos to you, Rollo.

    In my incel experience, the main problem with lack of sex is not biological but symbolic. I have lost interest in cinema and literature because I can not relate to the unavoidable love stories. I recall being in a cheerful mood some days and losing it upon seeing a couple making out. And so on.

    I have had a lot of time to think this over, and I have come to the conclusion that sex is the only thing that truly separates a child from an adult. Children can study, work, play, and even go to war (just check the Hitler Youth in 1945 or the countless children soldiers of Africa). A smart 11 year old can do a lot of menial jobs. But he is not having sex.

    My only question left is whether not having sex does cause real medical problems or not. I have searched for this online but there seems to be little research on the topic.

    As a kid I was energetic and enthusiastic. After age 24, I started to have suicidal ideations hitherto unknown of. Am I depressed because I don’t have sex, or does sexlessness appear to me as a convenient explanation for a deeper problem? I say this because being honest in my teens and early 20s I did not do much of an effort to get laid, as if I did not have such a great sex drive. I don’t recall a lot of fapping either.

    Another thing that I wonder about, is the degree to which envy plays a role here. In a traditional society where people bang one or two partners in their lives, not “getting yours” does not seem like a monumental curse. But today when you know some dudes are rolling on it while you don’t, it might become much harder to cope with.

  31. I have not seen a more misguided article and more misguided comments. It completely hovers above the main issue. Men need sex, true that. But they don’t deserve what comes because of it.

    Many people in the comments are cursing Christianity, blaming it for sadness in their lives. Ok, tell me, what would according to you, be the appropriate level of sexual freedom and experience? Like Dinesh D’souza says,”Liberal, tell me when you will be CONSERVATIVE?”.
    Over the years, we have accepted more and more sexuality, to the extent almost all items are sold with a tag of sex. Yet still, you are not content. Any limit that you set will be broken some years after, just like the women in Saudi Arabia who want Hijab to be gone, to women in India, wanting to wear shorts and show cleavage, to women in USA wanting to free the nipple and women in Europe wanting to go full nude. Where does this end? The answer is – Nowhere.
    Yet, you make it a point to call names to Christianity, unaware that any standard will be hated, just like the great Christopher Hitchens who charged at the Biblical God for getting worked up at what happens in bedroom will be frenzied over what gaziliion sexual orientations are developing these days, and what some people want to f**k.

    And the most wrong are people who are calling MGTOW beta. LOL, you seem to be beta. The problem with sex, is that these supposed alphas are so dependent on female validation that they are bending on their knee to serve them. If they are these creatures that would shame even Greek Gods, why the hell they need to spend more than women n their date to get the vagina? If you are paying for it, you are a customer, not someone who is in charge. If sexual validation forces you to submit to female pamperings, you are the one who is willing to change your nature for few moments of whores gazing at you, till the time they move on to the next beggar. Where is your self respect?

    You would be alpha, if you get he sex and she pays for it. If you pay for it, you are a tool. The difference between you and MGTOW is that you sell your self and do not ponder over it, like a dumb sheep, while MGTOW do ponder over the artificial nature of women. You just accept it and try to please them, to the standard that keeps on increasing, so you can get those few hours of sexual satisfaction.

    When a woman comes to a date in a dress that displays her cleavage, you just see an opportunity for sex, and think her as hot, while trying to appease her by buying her expensive food and drinks for sex where you both enjoy. You pay for her full night, for her meal and for her enjoyment while you only get the last one. The next day, you follow the same routine, the only icing on the cake is that it might be a different woman and different pair of breasts.

    MGTOW see the psyche of a whore there, so do conservatives. It is just that MGTOW still want to have that sexual culture while conservatives loathe it.

    Now, what does it cost society. MGTOW are against feminism. If they are beta, then that means that betas are not helping feminism and spreading cancer. Who is then passing the stupid feminist regulations? Maybe, it is the ALPHAS, who do not see the future danger as long as they are getting sex, with women using sex as dopamine to make you there slaves – aka cucks.

  32. @allyoucanthink

    You are very confused and angry. You need to read all of Rollo’s posts before commenting. This post is about four years old and you are late to the party.

  33. That was quite a rant, allyoucantthink.

    You can not live by the rules of the past (monogamy) when they are no longer morally or legally enforced. Older folks don’t really know how bad things are for the most part. We are literally living in the jungle.

    Unless massive political change ensues, we are left with what Julius Evola would have called “riding the tiger”, i.e. game.

    The only question that remains, and that Rollo does not really address, is whether there are REAL and seriously adverse health effects of not having sex. Does sexlessness lead to depression per se, or is it the pornification of society which causes it?

  34. I never saw this post for some reason. It’s a topic that is filled with great tangential stuff that can be explored.

    On masturbation, brought up in the comments: It reminds me of the book/movie “Interview with the vampire.” During dry spells, the vampires can eat animals like rats and chickens to semi-satiate and stay alive, but the blood is not really nourishing.

    Masturbation is like that.

  35. Also, one commenter brings up a good point. There is a third type of guy who uses the “you don’t NEED sex argument.”

    Most of the guys I know who talk like that are married, middle aged dudes who appear to have almost zero mojo/drive. When I tell them what my life is like, they often label me as a libertine or that I need to “master my passion.”

    I am told “sure, me and the wife still do it sometimes, but its not swinging from the light fixture, knock it out of the park crazy.”

    They tell me that the level of desire my wife and I have for each other reaches that of infatuation and therefore sinful, as if there is some line in the sand where you can be “too” into each other, even if you are married.

    They caution me to not counsel married couples and use my situation as a template, because it sets them up for bitter failure.

    Sad.

  36. Oh my gawd, some people are certifiably insane.😂😆

    Not having a healthy libido is a sign of health or even mental problems. It’s like a man has a heart condition that causes him to be extremely winded after climbing a small flight or stairs, and his ultimate solution is that he doesn’t need to climb stairs. No big deal.

    Advice from people like this is as worthless as their opinions.

  37. in my time i had possibly two solid chances for sex and both were absurd conditions.now 45 still a virgin i am content with sex being a reproductive process and not a pastime.single 45 virgin and content that sex is chemicals,fluids,and serotonin in the brain i think this is demonstrable…ow i’m also an atheist

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