Case Study – Inspire Her

My good friend Greasy Pig from the SoSuave forum needed some Game analysis.

Damn, Rollo! Now I’m starting to second guess myself. lol
One of my plates sent me a topless pic, so I responded very positively. I didn’t gush compliments, I just told her it was an awesome pic and she had nothing to be ashamed about with her body.

I was using the `reward good behaviour by giving her your attention’ philosophy.

Interestingly, she hasn’t sent any more pics. I’ve subtly suggested she should send more but she just laughs it off.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to respond? But how do you know when and what to reward with your attention?

Context is King.

The deductive (beta) response for a guy receiving a topless pic is to applaud it, encourage it and reinforce it in order to get more and / or confirm for himself that he’s “in there” with this girl.

The problem is that the attention you give her is in the context of your approval. Your approving of her topless pic satisfies her reason for sending it – male affirmation of her attractiveness. Once satisfied there’s no reason to send more, or really any reason to pursue a guy who will default to giving her unearned approval. Strippers know this dynamic well.

The counterintuitive (Alpha) response is a measured disapproval, or casual indifference. That disapproval shouldn’t be a negative rejection of her, but rather an invitation to try harder with the next one. This is exactly why short text-long response time Game is effective – it provokes imagination in women. Neg Hits are based on the same premise; redirection of qualification. Most of women’s shit tests can be circumvented or turned to your advantage by keeping your focus on redirecting her qualifications of you into her qualification for you.

Shit Tests (revisited)

The subconscious understanding is that a man with options (a presumptive Alpha) will be preoccupied with more important issues than a topless shot of some new girl he may or may not be interested in, and, is so flush with other potential women who are interested in him that hers may be one of many women’s boobs he’s seen previously or even that day.

Try to imagine the process of what went on in this girl’s head. She had to think about taking the shot and what it would prompt in you. She probably wore something she thought was sexy to cover the rest of her, looked herself in the mirror, posed, took the shot, reviewed the picture to make sure she looked good, then pressed ‘send’ and sent it to you. It may not seem it, but that’s a lot of complex decision making on her part.

The suspense, the imagination of what your response would be, all serve to stimulate that chemical rush she finds thrilling. You might think, “well duh Rollo, that’s the principle of ‘gina tingles”, but it’s really different because she is the one self-stimulating that rush, not a guy, not you. She may get tingles from your response, or her imaginings of how you’ll respond, but it’s the uncertainty that prompts the rush. Now think about the millions of ‘self-shooter’ girls doing exactly the same thing, for exactly the same reason.

When you immediately respond in the affirmative it ends the rush she wants to savor. Conversely, when you prolong that rush (and maybe add a bit of playful indignation) you stoke that Alpha fitness uncertainty in her even further. In a sense this puts you into the position of being her drug dealer – you’re the guy who gives her that rush. And like the junkie she is, she will pursue you to get it.

Right now this girl is laughing off your suggestions to send you more topless pics because you failed her shit test. A lot of men think that a shit test always comes in the form of bitchiness or sarcasm, but women test more often with lures of access to their sexuality as a measure of men’s Alpha fitness. And the more you suggest that she send you more pictures of her tits, the more certain she is that you aren’t the Alpha who gives her that rush.

You must inspire a woman to acts of sexual spontaneity, you can never ask for it. When you ask a girl “show me your tits” and she does, it’s great, but when she flashes you without asking, it’s inspired.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

97 comments on “Case Study – Inspire Her

  1. reply to above……imagine you been sent pics like these lots of times, if that aint true then where is your game? anyway i reply by saying thats hot but whatsd with the 80’s duvet cover…..just be yourself (with game and less excitement)

  2. This was a really big lesson for me, NOT CARING was ironically the better plan to do. When I was distant, or comparatively very aggressive sexually both were good. But when I started being placating, or pleading – boom- instantly done.

    In general the less you say the better.

  3. Ok guys, let’s be productive here and think of some good responses:

    1) “Meh”
    2) “Too many clothes”
    3) “Try harder next time ;o)”
    4) “Your room is messy” (assuming her bedroom is exposed)
    5) “Interesting”

  4. A few others…

    “Is that your best?”
    “Nice camera..Is that a Canon?”
    “I think it is cute that your right one is bigger than your left one”

  5. Good theory, but he asked for specifics, and will need them to see what the theory means and extrapolate for the future. Responses in here so far are not exactly what you’re talking about (though “hmmm” or “looks familiar” are wacky enough to possibly generate further imagery). So we’ll need some applied verbiage from the Rollo to make full connection.

  6. Itsme, “Retweeted,” I chuckled at that. Then you smirk and say something along the lines of, ” @huntermoore’s parade of sluts has got nothing on you.” But I most likely would have just smirked, made a hmmm… sound, rise my head up and down a couple times then go back to doing whatever it is I was doing.

  7. @ peregrine

    dont think there is definite right reply, just send what you feel like, she buzzes off then so be it, plenty more where that comes from.

    On a side note, you dont want to be with someone LTR wise if she sends a picture like that in the first place (after all you aint the only one with a pic of her)

  8. Rollo,

    You are spot on in just about everything you write when considering my own expereiences. I’ve had more than a few girls send me topless or nude pics, and in every case I sent back a nonchalant response “that’s okay. I think you’d look better in a different angle” or I just didn’t respond and forced them to seek out my attention even more. Obviously, in all these situations I always got more pics and I’ve had sex with every girl that has ever sent me a nude.

    Keep preaching the good word sir.

  9. When women ask me how their hair looks, how they look, how they are doing I default to a “cool”, unless I can get a neg out of it.

  10. It sounds more like a fancy word for manipulation to me. Who falls for “Don’t praise her and you’ll get more pic.” But if you are dealing with girls stupid enough to send nudes to begin with, I guess you hit your target demo. Cheers.

    [Do a google image search for ‘self-shooter gallery forum’ It’s a pretty broad demographic dontcha think?]

  11. Immoralgables,

    The only response I liked there from your list was “interesting”. Idk what it is, but that one word gets the hamster running like it just took a hit of speed. “Interesting” can work in just about any situation when out gaming and I can’t even count how many times I’ve used it with great success.

    And for a good response, look up to my last post. In that response, I acknowleged that she could look good, and that I could be satisfied, but that I currently wasn’t and that she would have to do more to impress me. Hamster fodder at it’s finest. I also usually stated the angle that I would like, putting me in the “director” frame, which women obviously love.

  12. Too true. Idk how many times myself or friends have jumped on a tiny bit of sexually driven bait to only see it snapped back up and not shown for a long time, if ever.

  13. @Ashley

    Wrong wrong wrong.

    As someone who was in an LTR and got titty pics, I fucked up big by doing the beta response of giving lots of praise hoping that it would generate more pics. It did not.

    Acting unimpressed in any social situation is a surefire way to get people to want to qualify themselves to you. The same principles are at work here.

    Acting like you’ve seen it all before as opposed to hyperventilating from excitement after seeing your first naked pic (OMG!). Which do you think is more attractive?

    And enough about the target demo. Most girls 20-30 have nudes on their camera. From the 3rd year law student, to the bartender, to the “good” girl attending mass every Sunday. Get over it. None of these girls are bad or slutty, you’re just trying to shame them because they are steps ahead of you in terms of knowing how to get our attention.

  14. @Everyone,

    Some of the responses are funny on here, but a lot of them are too close to insults, especially over text, which will immediately close the shutter of the camera. Remember, a neg isn’t necessarily even needed here, and even if you do neg, it’s supposed to be very very subtle.

  15. @Jason773

    I just saw your last post and I like it. Good stuff I wish I would have used that in the past. “that’s okay. I think you’d look better in a different angle” <—- golden. Said as if you were an authoritative photographer

    I learned the effect of "Interesting" from it being used on me by a girl I used to date and it fucked with my head at the time. Women are the best teachers when it comes so studying their actions and reversing it onto them.

  16. Typing out entire sentence replies or even multi-syllable words does not signal nonchalance. I go with:

    – cool
    – ok (or even just “k”)
    – uh huh
    – …

    Never tried it, but I bet Roissy’s non-sequitur text game would be gold here. As if you meant to text someone else and completely glossed over the fact that this chick is baring herself to you.

  17. If you prompted her for the pic here’s more options:

    – Combo approval and challenge “nice but we need to get some better lights in your studio”
    – Challenge “i want a full body shot”
    – Disapproval “camera is too shaky” or “too dark”
    – No response and wait for her to ask if you got the pic

    Don’t be afraid to set the bar higher. You gotta remember that any time a woman has made a move she is willing to make another. It’s like the laws of physics, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Don’t kill the momentum by appeasing her with a straight compliment. Make her do more.

    The bigger the demands, the more she will tell herself she loves you as she fulfills your demands. Obviously there might be a point that the demands get too big but you are far better off pushing for everything you want than not. If the demands get too big you can play it off with something snarky like “yeah, i know, i’m kind of a perv” and then back off. Don’t get all clingy to the idea. Make it feel more like she is disappointing you because she should be wanting to do the things you want and to have fun with you.

    I would agree with Rollo, if it is an inspired move that you did not prompt then you are free to give her a nice response like “mmmm” or “tasty” or something that creates anticipation like “i want to see more of that”.

  18. @ ashley,

    The very act of sending a nude pic is an act of manipulation on the girl’s part. If you don’t understand that, then we have no discussion.

  19. “Your room is messy”

    I use this (or something similar) all the time. I show mild disapproval of something else in the pic and don’t comment at all on her. For the one on top of the post, I might have responded “camera needs better autofocus”

  20. “so ashley, what comments do you use to successfully get titty pics from girls?”

    For her:

    ‘Women are better than men, pretty please show me your lovable boobs? Can I use that word? Is that ok? I wouldn’t want to offend you or anything. I mean male privledge is horrible and I don’t want to contribute to the patriarchy any more than I already have by having a penis. Please forgive me”

    That’s the line I would use on her.

  21. So how would one answer to this? Wait a while, shrug it off and change the subject?

    Part of the reason I post Case Studies (which have their own category on the sidebar BTW) is to engage the ‘community’ for input in the comments.

    It’s hard to really give you a script to follow for a couple of reasons. One, it sound/reads uninspiring if you appear to have a default response (i.e. not witty). Contexts differ for men and the women they are engaging so there is really only “the response that’s best for your situation.”

    Two, whenever you read some suggested response on the internet, it’s just words in quotation marks. A response doesn’t account for a wry smile or delivering it with a sense of Amused Mastery. Remember, context is king.

    That said, you could playful ignore her tits altogether with,

    “Did you do something new with your hair?”

    Tacitly recognizing a shit test (ala Agree & Amplify), and then indirectly making her aware that you’re aware of it, is often the best way to pass a shit test. For women, this covert acknowledgement is the best indicator of a Man who ‘Just Gets It‘.

  22. Well damn. Was talking about the visiting comments, and the host appears with the answer, too, as I was typing.

  23. @Ashley, my dear, you are merely one step away from that demographic.
    I particularly like this one.

    i bet the girl on the far right of that pic would never have posted what ashley wrote. hotties know the deal.

  24. @Rollo
    That said, you could playful ignore her tits altogether with,
    “Did you do something new with your hair?”

    That is gold.

    Not falling into the compliment trap she is trying to set is catnip.

  25. Gee, thanks babe, this is a great shot. You got nothing to be ashamed of about your body. How do I getcha to send me more?”

    I read this and it really is an instant downer. I was going to suggest something along what rgoltn wrote, “I like your left nipple better than your right” or something like that. It’s not an instant downer and makes one look for a better hight the next time. It’s inspiring her to send more. Asking along with a compliment (in the beginning of a relationship, anyway) is more akin to hot coffee and a cold shower during your very best buzz.

  26. Let’s all stop presuming to know why I don’t advocate nude pic sending. Let me clarify. I think it’s a nice idea. Sexy between lovers. It’s stupid though because of privacy reasons. Unless the girl sending them doesn’t care who sees them in the public. Dudes love to share these, which is why I don’t take nudes.

  27. And ps, I should have known I’d be cast here as, shaming and anti-sexual. Not all my pics are of me covered head to tow…but my mom, dad, boss, and pageant associates have seen all my pics. They comment on them on facebook. The point is, don’t share pics you wouldn’t want the whole world to see.

  28. Rollo’s back and forth with Ashley is akin to watching a cat toy around with a mouse.

    Game 101, people. Watch and learn.

  29. Ashely,

    You’re being cast here in the way you presented yourself. You weren’t clear in your first post and you came in strong with fists ready to fly. You come in that way and you are going to get the response you got. Every. Single. Time. Why didn’t you come in the way you did at my site or M3’s?

  30. To all the commentors (especially Jason773) and Rollo.

    Thanks all for the examples. I understand better the idea of toning it down and acting unimpressed but not insulting. I’m still learning.

    Where is YaReally on all this? He is an SME on nude pics, would love to hear how he keeps them rolling into his inbox.

  31. I should have known I’d be cast here as, shaming and anti-sexual.

    Ash, dear, if you’ve read even a third of the posts on my blog the last thing I would want is to shame you, and judging from the majority of the shots on your flickr gallery I could hardly presume you were “anti-sexual”.

    All I’m suggesting is you’re one Alpha away from changing your policy about sending more intimate ‘self shots’ to him.

  32. Seriously, who needs more boob pics? The real keepsakes are the videos you make together. Good advice on not letting your tongue hang out when responding, though.

  33. Back to the original post, my reply would be “your hair is a mess, make it look nice and then send a decent picture.” Already sets the frame that she will send more, doesn’t supplicate, doesn’t validate, negs.

  34. There’s a few other things that response does. It shows that you have standards you won’t compromise, that you won’t accept crap, it sets a dominant frame with you giving orders, it sexualizes the mood, and gives her hoops to jump through.

  35. If she has large areolas, reply “……..that reminds me, I’m hungry for some silver dollar pancakes……..”

  36. I’m seeing a girl who poses naked on the internet. She sent me a pic from her phone. I don’t even remember how I responded. I think I asked what she was up to about five hours later. The fact I don’t remember probably says more than anything else. She sent me her full sets later in the week. It actually seems relatively normal now.

    The next girl who sends me a naked pic, I’ll probably start talking about how I got spoiled by the last girl I saw who had pro shots and start talking about photography and offer to shoot her a better set. I work in film, so I could make it look great.

  37. All of your game is shit… how do you peolpe get laid.

    The only thing I’m seeing here is push/pull game:
    Disinterest, challenge, ignoring, one-word = push
    Affirmation (awesome pic!) = pull

    Push/Pull is game 101.. it’s stasis. Push/pull only goes so far to building attraction, you’re sending exactly one signal by demonstrating disinterest = you are not a fawning beta. That’s it. It does not signal that you are alpha, it kicks the bucket so you can do that later. If you can’t use a titty pic to build your alpha, then you aren’t one. Alpha’s have fun. Alpha’s can enjoy a titty pic.

    Girls can tell when you’re over-reliant on push/pull. If you push/pull where there should be, you know, normal interaction then it’s a red flag. She’ll sense you are not a match. Her soulmate wouldn’t push/pull.

    There are optimal times to be terse/one-word. A girl is coming over with her friends, she texts “should we pick up some vodka?” Response, “lol.” It’s teasing, dismissive, and amusedly lets her know she faux pas’d. A friend visited for a hilarious, epic weekend, and being the group’s hipster/artsy one, told me she was writing a short story about it and asked if I would read it when she posts it online. Response, ‘Probably.’ Of course I’m going to read it, but it’s funny/cool to TEASE.

    But that’s not what being alpha is about. Alpha is about being the funniest guy in the room- you can’t signal/fake that. The smartest one, the most charismatic. It’s about being the dominant one in your group of friends and beyond. Did you all lose sight of this? This is what the original The Game was all about, recreating those types of interactions again and again- not this ultra-distilled version of assholery (this isn’t even real asshole stuff, btw, real asshole stuff is kicking the girl to the curb after you’ve fucked her because she wasn’t that good in bed, that’s what girls mean by assholes. Not this weak pre-hookup jerk signaling bullshit.)

    Y’all misinterpreting the spirit of disinterest anyway. Disinterest isn’t a tool to achieve some creepy goal (like more pics). Girls can tell when you have an agenda. When you’re being cool but trying to get a date, then you’re not cool. You’re pretending to be cool to achieve your creepy goal. Real disinterest, or low interest, is extremely effective in attracting girls. Your frame and demeanor will be, you know, normal. You’re not trying to get laid, which is HUGE. You can be in bed with a naked girl trying to get it in and she’ll be turned off by how badly you want it. Same thing for trying to score dates, build rapport and attract- the things you say and do to try and get a reaction from her will turn her off. Being icy = being normal.

    You don’t overreach and therefore make mistakes, but you don’t kill the interaction by being a one-word weirdo.

    Finally, for some positivity, the correct response when you don’t have rapport yet (and this is incomplete because I’m still working on it), is TEASING. She’s teasing you with a pic, it’s not an end-to-itself. Tease her back.

  38. Not only A grade writing but a live demonstration of a neg and follow up attempt at demonstrating value.

    That’s gold Rollo, gold!

    Where’s your PayPal button?

    [You can always donate to my charity]

  39. If you want to see the wrong things to say to a woman…look up any decent looking chick putting a sexy picture up on facebook. If she’s famous there will be at least 50 different things men say that you should NOT say.

  40. Stingray, I admit I can be a little sassy at times. I am sometimes successful at checking the snark at the door, and other times I type before I think. I was just tickled when I first read this post at the idea that women are stupid enough not to see through the disinterest card. Sure, there are women this dumb and I see those women as a certain demographic, and I see it is an unfair game, aiming low and bragging “Look what I got,” but I won’t rail too much, if that’s how you go about getting your kicks then more power to you.

    [Sorry, I got distracted by how many times you used the words ‘I’ and ‘I am’,..what were you saying?]

  41. Ashley, as a self-aware and intelligent woman I can assure you this has nothing to do with being ‘too stupid to fall for it’. When an Alpha ignores your ploys, however large or small, you want to give him more. It’s just automatic.

  42. Ashley, to sort of curtail onto Phedre’s point, what you’re saying about women being “too stupid to fall for it” would be like saying make-up would only work on men who are too stupid to realize that this is not your natural look. We know it’s not how you look, but it still makes you attractive and draws us to you (at least until we wake up next to you and it’s running down your face).

  43. Brainstorming:

    * “classic”
    * send back a picture of Spock raising an eyebrow
    * (for hip young things) “gif?”
    * “can’t see your knees”
    * “thanks”
    * photoshop your head onto her torso and send it back

  44. “Jesus. Quit giving me boners at work.”

    It says 1) you’re hot, and 2) I have shit to do. Generally they’ll send more pics to which you can keep pretending to be mad. “Quit distracting me, you’re getting such a spanking next time I see you.” etc.

  45. @Ashley
    “I was just tickled when I first read this post at the idea that women are stupid enough not to see through the disinterest card.”

    Agreed. The disinterested replies are bad and the girl knows you’re actively trying to be disinterested. She sent you her fucking titties, like you’re not gonna’ notice lol

    @The Shocker
    Fuckin solid. I concur 100%. Stuff like “meh…” and “cool” and “what camera is that?” and sending spock pics, etc. are doing it wrong (no offense to anyone specifically I was just skimming the thread quick, it’s all good we all go through the same shit learning this stuff…you cross the lines in both directions to figure out where the sweet spot is).

    To use your push/pull reference, the one I said I use above pulls (“Jesus.”) then pushes (“Quit giving me boners (minor pull) at work.”). Then the follow-up to her next pic is push (“Quit distracting me,”) then pull (“you’re getting such a spanking next time I see you.”)

    I get naked pics all the time from girls (ones I haven’t banged, online girls I haven’t met yet, ones I’m banging, etc.) and I escalate it to where I have them sending me pics and vids of them fucking their own ass with toys etc. All I’m doing is using the same game principles that work in real life, but in txts (push/pull, build comfort, qualify her, make an SOI, escalate, lead, disable ASD/LMR, etc.)

    It’s fine to engage girls in long txts, as long as you’re running solid game. The reason most guys should stick to one-word aloof “alpha” txt game is because their long txts are shitty and don’t follow game principles and they’ll sabotage themselves.

    But really, if you’re someone who likes to txt in general, just tighten your game up and don’t worry about acting aloof. In the long run it’s better to learn how to do well than to learn how to avoid fucking up.

    lol scrolled up before hitting send and saw your summon 😀 Any Qs about txt game feel free to ask and I’ll try to help.

  46. Sorry one more thing to keep in mind:

    A lot of replies here are focused on being witty or making a good zing or making something that you can tell your buddies you said and they’ll go “Nice bro!!” or it’ll sound good on paper or you’ll get Manosphere high-fives for your wit.

    But we don’t care about getting props, we want results. So focus on solid game…ask yourself “what game principles does sending this text follow, AND are those game principles relevant in this specific situation?”.

    Like take my response (mine isn’t even a super amazing one, it just follows principles properly), I’m ALREADY planning my follow-up to my first response (scolding her for distracting me). If she keeps sending pics, I scold her more. If she stops sending pics I can send a “Good thing I hate my job. 😉 Send another.” etc.

    What’s the follow-up to “cool…” or “uh huh” that leads things toward a goal? What IS your goal? Do you have one? How are you supposed to lead if you don’t have somewhere in mind to lead her to? Do you want more pics right then and there? Do you just want to make her feel comfortable enough to surprise you with pics when she feels like it in the future? Do you want to get out of the txting zone and push toward a meet-up? Do you want to escalate to sexier pics right then and there or later on? Is she at work and trying to escalate will fail because she can’t do much or is she at home where she can take more pics? Is escalating to sexier pics the right play for getting the lay or will it trigger her ASD/LMR and make her Flake on you when you push for the meet-up?

    It’s like when a guy discovers negging and he just goes out and negs every girl he meets left and right and is totally uncalibrated with it and he’s negging average looking girls or 10s who have low self-esteem etc.

  47. I think YaReally’s response of “Jesus. Quit giving me boners at work.” is perfect. It gives them some affirmation, but not quite enough. And it quasi sorta belittles them with the “go away” line. It’s almost like your talking to a little kid. She is sure to come back with more photos later on as long as you don’t text anything else.

    That’s really good stuff. Ive definetly been the guy that texts back “So hot” blah blah and then the pussy spicket just turns right off. I was so stupid.

  48. “Jesus. Quit giving me boners at work” is right on the edge. If you have a very strong Alpha presence in RL then it is perfect. If you’re a little weak on RL presence then the mere acknowledgement that she’s given you a boner could well be enough to turn her off.

  49. I did get one of these very same photos except it was of a girl I’d been gaming’s panties.

    She wrote: “Hope this welcomes you back from your trip”.

    At this point I’d only gamed her, I hadn’t met her yet. She sent me this after text game on Ok Cupid.

    My response: “Oh.”

    She replied “You always say “oh.” and it went on from there.

    I met her over the weekend and we were all over each other after drinks, though due to LMR, she never came home with me.

    But she texted me: “For some reason I’ve been thinking about you all day”.

    I waited 6 hours, then replied; “Oh”.

  50. “I think my mechanic has this picture on the wall at the shop.”
    Going with the topless calender theme put out by product companies

    Hey I could picture you as a Miss June or July, not quite Miss January or February – but perfect middle month filler.

  51. A few points:

    1) Girls don’t always send ‘specific to you’ nudes. I’ve had plenty of girls send me nude pics of themselves they took in the distant past, maybe to an ex-boyfriend, etc. So, the decision making process you’re referring to may not be there.

    2) I agree there’s no point in asking for more and more pics, especially if you haven’t banged her yet. HOWEVER, it’s not a bad idea to ask for a pic to gauge interest and get her thinking about sex. You don’t imply what kind of pic, but just ‘send me a pic’ works. Then you can take it from there, make her ‘try harder’ (or if she’s into you she’ll send a dirty one right away). I found she will often start with an innocuous shot and escalate to dirty photos as you keep egging her on. It’s like a text strip tease. Side benefit: when you meet, it’s ON.

  52. ‘You’ve been drinking again haven’t you’

    ‘Hey you forgot to pixellate the rude bits’

    ‘Sorry I pressed forward all, my bad’

  53. Ashley looked really cute in her 2008 pics, petite, very femine. Now she looks like some kind of over the hill retired Eastern European ice skater, that might be bi and did some steroids to compete professionally. Much more westernized :/

    P.S. Is 35+ pages of yourself normal for most females? Are you the type that make all your new boyfriends sit there while you go through all your old scrapbooks and explain every fucking memory in every fucking picture in every fucking scrapbook?

  54. Two points regarding the specifics of reward and behavior modification:

    1) Something is rewarding to the extent that it reduces a state of deficit/deprivation and addresses a need. However, if the reward completely satisfies the need, there is no further motivation for the person to comply. In this case, the girl was deprived of and “needed” attention. The guy’s reply completely satisfied her attention need. Therefore, it left her no motivation to continue the behavior. That is also why dog trainers reward with small treats…not full meals! Dogs stop begging and rolling over for more when they are full.

    2) Something is rewarding to the extent that it increases that person’s behavior. What a person actually finds “rewarding”, which increases that behavior, however, changes for different people and at different times. Therefore, it is important to understand what the girl actually finds pleasurable and rewarding in that moment, rather than just going with a general assumption. In this case, as Rollo suggests, the girl was finding the tension, uncertainty, and flirting rewarding. To properly reward her, in a manner she found appealing, would have been to “agree and amplify” continuing the feelings she was enjoying. Instead, the guy used the wrong (generic) reward for that girl/moment, reduced her good feelings – which actually punished the behavior. That is also why dog trainers use treats, water, toys, praise, etc., depending on what motivates the dog to perform in that moment.

    Put these two pieces together and we come up with a formula for many of the suggested responses above… They are giving her just a little taste of reward (so she is still “hungry” for more). They are also rewarding in a way that she personally finds pleasurable in that moment (by extending the uncertainty and flirting vibe she is enjoying). Therefore, the correct understanding and use of behavior modification is another way to get to the same end goal…effective game. It is also fun for those who like to know the theory behind these techniques (along with enjoying the results).

  55. Meh, “Is 35+ pages of yourself normal for most females?”
    Yes, only they have more than me, and loads more self taken phone shots.

    “Are you the type that make all your new boyfriends sit there while you go through all your old scrapbooks and explain every fucking memory in every fucking picture in every fucking scrapbook?” No.

  56. “As a kid I would have certainly been impressed”
    “No sexy dress whatsoever?”
    “What else?”

  57. The girl I am dating sent me a couple of sultry pics (not nude shots). I replied three hours later: “My cat rubbed his face on my phone then slobbered all over it (she knows he does this to people he likes) so you are in big trouble. For your punishment would you prefer to be tickled or spanked?”

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