Think Like a Woman

Men perceive female interpretive reflexiveness in a male context. Women perceive male interpretive awareness in a female context.

Those are two $10 psychological ways of saying men instinctively think women will respond to their approaches (irrespective of Game prowess) on male terms. In other words, they expect women will respond in a rational manner similar to how they as men would. To be sure, this is a result of decades of gender equalist conditioning, but you can’t lay the dynamic entirely at the feet of equalism. Guy’s first order is to think deductively when constructing their mental schemas about how best to solve the problem of getting their sexual imperatives met (usually Beta Game). The disconnect comes when they presume that women are their gender equals and as such will react to their ‘game’ in a similar, reasoned fashion.

JDELA, from the SoSuave forum laments an understanding that comes from imposing a male perspective onto women’s perspectives. Case in point:

If a Neg hit works, not only does it show there’s a lack of self esteem and mental balance, but also the relationship will fail.

From a male perspective, this would make complete and rational sense. If a man were to Neg you or another man, the most rational response would be to interpret that as disrespect and to take offense. In truth, guy’s Neg each other all the time in the form of ‘giving his buddys some shit’ about something. Men do this as a form of unity building, but our inclination to rib each other stops there.

Now lets say that the guy getting Negged, not only accepts it, but becomes intrigued and friendly with the guy negging him. Would you have any respect for either one of them? Probably not. You’d say the guy doing the Negging was being an asshole (see AMOGing)  and the guy getting Negged suffered from a”lack of self-esteem.”

What you’re doing is casting what you’d expect a woman’s response to be in the male perspective. The most common complaint read on any dating site (SoSuave to Love Shack) comes from guys who are dumbfounded that women consistently opt for the Bad Boy Alpha Jerk instead of him and his Nice, loyal, respectful, dependable self. As bourn out by the experiences and observations of women’s behavior from countless millions of men for centuries, what we as men would expect to be the most logical, rational and pragmatic choice of action women could make is rarely proven by the ones they do make.

Don’t get lost in the details; this isn’t a debate about whether or not Negs work or the frequency with which women opt for a Bad Boy. It has everything to do with the fact that men base most of their actions, their beliefs, their personal investments, etc. upon deductive reasoning and predictable outcomes from what they believe is reliable information. So when all you ever hear from women is that they “want a guy with a good heart” or someone sensitive, respectful, humorous, etc. on down the list it would be cause for some considerable confusion when women consistently overlook guys like this in favor of one who is the opposite of her stated desires. Either the data is flawed, our interpretation of it is flawed, or the one relating it is flawed – and probably all three.

So in light of such a consistent conflict of purpose, we have to conclude that what women say and what women do are often at odds with each other. Negs work on women. There’s certainly an art to, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all, but they do work with enough consistency that you can generally predict an outcome. So the question is this: do the vast majority of women suffer from a lack of self-esteem or are we expecting them to act as men would?

It’s very easy to write off the women who’d opt for the Bad Boy as low-quality, but what do you do when your hi-quality woman does the same? You can shoot an arrow, paint the target around it, and get a bullseye every time, but you can’t ignore the incongruency. Breaking out of this plugged-in beta mindset that convinces men that women will react the same as they would is one of the most important transitions of taking the red pill.

The irony of this male-centric preconception is that even in instances where plugged-in men would agree that you “can’t treat a lady like that” the interaction is still colored by the assumption of a male interpretive perspective on the part of a woman. For plugged-in men this comes as an instinctual reflex – it’s one of many – that was part of his life’s conditioning.

Think Like a Woman

As I stated prior, unlearning what you know about women and your equalist mental preposition is usually one of the more difficult aspects of unplugging. Abandoning your old ways of interacting with women involves a very real risk of rejection, but keep in mind that relearning the reality of the differences in mental process between yourself and a prospective woman will make that transition easier.

A lot gets made about the advantages of ‘thinking like a woman’ in terms of Game. For all the variation of playing the Dandy or adjusting for a more feminine-identification technique, I think it’s very important not to actually become a woman in your mental outlook. Most plugged-in guys are already women in their perspective of gender. When I advocate a better understanding of the feminine mind, know that it’s always in terms of making what I study and profess here into actionable practices. Anticipate outcomes, predict results based on what you know a woman would be thinking; not what any equal and neutral, well-reasoned generic person would. Plugged-in guys avoid this even to the limbic root level of their own mental processing because it rings of sexism; and anything minutely associated with sexism is an automatic sexual disqualifier for men with the scarcity mentalities that fem-centrism has raised in them.

An effective Game-aware man has to accept a base understanding of sexism; sexism in the respective differences that characterize the differences between the sexes. Sexism will be used by you or on you, but you will not be exempted from it. You may have been raised into equalism, but clinging to gender equalism after the fact is simply one more Buffer against rejection, and it’s a buffer most guys have a very tough time recognizing in themselves.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

57 comments on “Think Like a Woman

  1. This is also why guys who act “nice” ie the way they expect a woman to act to them…fail.

    One other thing to throw out there. I’ve only begun gaming women I want to….I practice on some, but if I’m tired or bored, I just go along with whatever is happening at the time and usually don’t pay any attention.

    A few things happen.

    For girls I’ve gamed before but then act “normal”—-they immediately sense something is wrong.

    “This guy was teasing me and being a jerk and suddenly he’s nice…what’s up?” they start filling in the blanks even when there are no blanks to fill.

    Use words like “Surprise” or “idea” or “I got a feeling” about something…and they immediately perk up.

    I got an email from someone recently thanking me for organizing something.

    My reply: “yes, i’m planning a few other surprises”.

    That’s it…

    Rather than “thanks” or “hope you like it”….those are things a girl would say to a guy…to say them back I now see is “girly”…..

    Of all things, a girl I’m gaming texted asking me if I liked “gals with hot pink shoes” and sent me a pair of shoes she wanted to buy.

    My response: “I’m a guy, I don’t get excited about shoes…ask me about lingiere”.

    She was all over that…

    1. Then you reach a point where responding normal/female/nice just feels wrong, like literally 5 seconds ago..

      Her: I’m out of town for a family thing but we can make plans when i get back?

      Me: thats so nice you’re with your family but i really prefer girls with daddy issues

      1. Nah man, don’t spook the kitty with that daddy issues stuff. Her response sounds reasonable, but you can’t give her the boring beta, “sounds good” (we both know that). Give her something to wonder about: “Family values!” (Her: um, does he think that’s a good or bad thing?) Then let her qualify to you about her family or her values.

  2. Yep.

    Males interpret reality and come up with universal, impersonal rules – so they can train and beat the outter game.

    Females interpret reality and come up with minute, personal clues about who they are, so they can pimp themselves and milk the game.

    Men who attempt to think like women fail at both.

    Or, you cant take the minute connections and internal preferences and self serving game, and make it a rigid set of rules you can apply generally and beat the outter game. Cant make the personal universal and win at the universal – not without twisting everyone else into taking your whims at orders… which is what women are specialized at. But Im derailing here.

    1. *cant make the personal game universal and win at the universal, without twisting everyone else into taking your whims AS orders. Which women excel at.

      In comparison men will attempt to make things rule-based and fixed, or to make it look like some God is providing the whims. The female will make clear her whims are what SHE wants. Completely different wirings.

      The alpha wiring is similar to the female wiring, except it’s still core-code-principles based, and owned, and stronger.

    1. Think rationally like a man first and then attempt to see how everything makes you feel. Women (if they attempt to be rational) will feel first and then attempt to figure where the feelings come from. It is automatically this way, no matter what. Everything comes from how anything and everything makes us feel. DON”T DO THAT. But you can try to understand at least, by paying attention to how something makes you feel regardless of if that feeling is rational or not.

      I find that some men will have irrational feelings (for maybe .0005 seconds) and then easily dismiss them once it is known they are irrational. Women don’t do this. It takes much more effort to dismiss the feelings if we can even do it at all. If you can pay attention to that .0005 seconds and amplify it by 1000x then you might have some more understanding of what it is to think like a woman.

        1. Heh, excellent point. The sad thing is, men tend to drop the irrelevant feelings. Women tend to drop the feelings they should be paying the closest attention to.

      1. Being a woman is kinda like being schizophrenic and trying to figure out if what you are seeing is real or a hallucination. But you learn in time 😉 If your feelings don’t correspond to reality, they are lying.

    2. I don’t think you have to learn to think like a woman, you just have to a) realize and accept that women think differently than men; and b) use that realization to change the interpretation of cues you receive from women.

      These both take time, especially (b), but not as long as you might think.

      1. That sounds right.

        I have an ex girlfriend who sends me sms and phones me occasionally flirting – saying she misses me and wants to kiss me etc, but who then always declines to meet. Declines but as indirectly as she can.
        Me: “I have a plan, let’s meet tomorrow”
        her “Dissimulation”
        me: “Do you want to meet or not, yes or no”
        me:”Ok, no then. Why do you call me? If you want to meet, then let’s just meet. It’s useless just talking on the phone”
        her: “ya ya” click.
        sms later from her:”my phone battery died.

        I can’t think like her. To me it’ crazy. But when she drunk calls me from the disco saying that she misses me and wants to get with me, I don’t interpret it as “I miss you and want to get with you”. It’s something along the lines of “I want reassurance that there is someone out there who is still attracted to me. Or whatever. I don’t much care what it is. The point is it’s not what she says, and it’s not what I’m looking for.

        And I set up a date tonight over the internet. But by now I’ve learned a bit about girl speak. When they say “yes, great, let’s meet tonight, I’m looking forward to it”, it really means something like “this is titillating right now, but I’m not going to let you know my decision until after the meeting time”.

        Knowing this I set up two dates for the same time. Both fell through. The cuter wanted to change the meeting place to her dorm and then not go out alone with me, and gave excuses for rescheduling for tomorrow, so I just pushed it forward two days. I don’t want to go get interviewed on her home ground by all her girlfriends, and if she’s too timid to face me alone she won’t be my style in bed. If I could ever get her that far. Again, girl speak.

        Girl 1, 20 minutes after the date “I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it I wasn’t feeling well”

        Cuter girl 2 “I can’t go out to meet you as my friend is sick and I have to take care of her, please come here tonight. No I can’t meet you tomorrow, lets meet tonight!”

        It irritates me far less than it used to. I hadn’t expected either one to say what they mean, or to follow through. I did my job and set up multiple dates, and tried to schedule a full week knowing that any or all of it could fall through. I’ve had good luck so far with occasionally getting my bat on the ball and hitting it out of the ballpark. Along with solid hits and occasional bunts. It’s not about hitting the ball every time, and I never trust the pitcher.

        Girls are strange creatures, with strange needs. They’ll flirt with you knowing 1000% that they absolutely will not fuck you. Just for some sick validation and control thrill.

        1. And I cut off contact with another validation and comfort seeking girl yesterday who wanted to meet up for “lunch” with “I don’t really keep girls as friends, actually. Your fun to talk to, but it’s not good if I want more. I played with your pussy and didn’t even get a blowjob. Frustrating.”

          Nobody friends zones me. That’s an insult to my manhood. No girl gets comfort and validation without paying for it with sex.

  3. Great post. I wrote today about how Game doesn’t work for women, I was applying male logic to my dating approach and falling flat. It’s helped me a great deal by being open to understanding how men think and I think the same holds true in reverse.

  4. Negging works because you are judging them, which women love to do but hate when they are being judged because it points out her faults which she is extremely self conscious about. By judging her flaws, you automatically make her feel inferior which places you above her. Do the opposite and praise her, she feels the same but believes she can attract a better mate and continues searching for the mate that she is inferior to and can submit to. DHV her Hypergamy in other words, always make her feel inferior and make it clear you are her best option while you have many with dread game

  5. “An effective Game-aware man has to accept a base understanding of sexism; sexism in the respective differences that characterize the differences between the sexes. Sexism will be used by you or on you, but you will not be exempted from it.”

    Going to print this on fliers and just start carpet bombing large population centers with it.

    Entire post is pretty much “Red Pill 101: All those things any female ever told you about women are lies.” Even more reason why the male condition must be addressed outside of the feminine. Excellent post

  6. That there is a word for ‘negging’ is proof of surplus male logic. Who is going to follow me around and decide how many negs i used?

    Your goal should be to say anything that elicits an emotional response. Happy. Sad. Overwhelmed. Defensive. Confused. Embarassed. Shy. Powerful. Smart. Rebellious. You have to say shit that makes those feelings happen, insulting or not.

  7. Jack Nicholson’s character in “As Good As It Gets” was asked how he wrote from a female’s perspective so well. His answer was “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” The bulk of the movie is pure Hollywood drivel, but that line almost makes me want to watch the movie again.

  8. The very nature of women’s tingle-driven sexuality demonstrates that her entire decision-making chain is derived from limbic system, or emotional-kinaesthetic, centers of physiology. That’s why with women, and an increasing number of feminized men, their speech is peppered with “I feel like X,” where X in more masculine beings is not a feeling, but a rational thought, so the sentence would be more properly constructed as “I think.”

    This phenomenon is so well-entrenched that women are beginning to verbalize gut-level feelings with less and less verbal processing. An example: How many facebook posts, jizzabel articles, or text messages have you read from females that have some variation of the word “Ugh.”

    “Ugh.” It’s a female cavewoman grunt of displeasure. It’s how she feels.

    To think like a woman, the Jack Nicholson character’s advice is solid–remove logic and accountability, but one most go a step further. That step is to go beyond the realm of logic and reason, into the sensate, emotional-atmospheric perception of the moment.

    Feel your body fully, feel its reactions to everything about the situation. These kinaesthetic sensations are often contradictory, fleeting, yet floodingly overwhelming. They have a vector, a directionality to then. THis is why a woman can and do often end up in bed with a man toward whom she feels dread, revulsion, and attraction all at once–the vector of attraction wins the day, simply because it contains a stronger trend line. The other feelings are simply adornment, spicy experiential tangents that embellish the baseline sensation–that of attraction.

    Learn to feel in this way, and to make decisions based on effects in this realm, and the world of women opens its velveteen gates.

    1. R(E)v:

      This is good. Help her feel. Help her connect with her emotions. Find out what feelings drive her: excitement, drama, intrigue, mystery, anticipation, surprise. Then give her that, She will feel her good feelings and will associate you with her good feelings.

  9. I have no idea why this worked. This happened on an FB thread :

    Blah Blah Blah

    Me : Is this true ?

    Her : Why do you wanna know ?

    Me : So that I can start shuddering in fear, and leave you with the responsibility of cheering me up … by kissing me …

    Her : LOL. Marellus. Marellus. Marellus. I’m neither gonna drink coffee with you, nor am I gonna kiss you. Stop doing this!!!!

    Me : … my heart is broken !!!! I demand the phone number of your twin-sister …

    Her : NO.

    Me : …. Oooooo … that means it’s back to you and me then …

    And so help me, she pressed the “like” button on that comment, and on all my other comments as well.

    1. Unexpected. Not giving a crap. Not sure if you liked her or not….all the elements of game.

      1. It does seem though as if Direct Game is ideal for online/text situations, for the simple reason that you have the time to construct something that breaks through a woman’s defenses.

  10. Mr. Tomassi –

    I remember reading The Mystery Method, setting the book down halfway through and thinking to myself, “If I had not stumbled upon Game, I would never, ever, in a quadrillion years have learned how to consistently attract women through an organic system of trial an error. Never, ever, could I have imagined that delivering these self-aggrandizing statements and behaving in this egotistical manner would attract the opposite sex.

    I thought to myself, “If a man behaved this way toward me I would spend the next week or so mocking his personality.”

    My question is, Tomassi, do you think alpha traits are usually learned or genetically inherited? What percentage of modern men “get it” and of the men who “get it” how many of them have always “gotten it” and how many of them learned to adapt? It is hard to believe there are still naturals out there when feminism is being rammed up the anus of every man before he sprouts his first tooth.

    Cheers –


    1. You may need to define what Alpha means to you as it has numerous definitions depending on who you ask. Is Alpha a warrior in battle? Leader of men? Sleeps with many women? …

        1. So, situationally a 70 y.o. patriarch to whom everybody listens when he opens his mouth and who controls the room unquestionably trumps (bad choice of a word there) the 30 y.o. underling who could bag most of the baggable-aged women in the room. Unless we assume that the young women overhelmingly prefer very old men, especially if no special gold-digging prize is forthcoming.

    2. I am observing my pre-school son and as I read more and more about Game, I observe Alpha behavior naturally in him. He performs negs, takeaways, cocky/funny, and aloof indifference to bitchy girls. Girls who are sweet receive his genuine attention and affection. The only explanation I can come up with is that he has not been poisoned by social niceties yet.

      Now I actively defend this state of being for him. I do not allow him to be shamed into letting girls win or changing his frame to make them happy. Once a girl told him, “You made me feel bad!” and he promptly replied, “No I didn’t!” instead of the typical Beta head hang and “Sorry.” Her mom then stepped in to try and shame my son and my wife stepped up to the plate for him. He knows his parents have his back.

      Alpha traits are natural and in this society need to be nurtured. Not asshole Alpha, but “I’m going to lead and not take shit” Alpha. They are beaten out of men through social niceties and educational institutionalization. This is why it is especially important for a father to learn Game. Not only for a marriage but for the sake of his son.

  11. Jeremiah, if I may hazard a guess, I think alpha traits are learned. Looking at my father, my grandfathers, and my great grandfathers I have nothing but alpha genes. But I am beta as fuck. I am learning, but I don’t see this as me unlocking already existing traits but learning new ones and unlearning old ones.

  12. Her: “Gosh, how do you know women so well..?”
    Jack Nicholson: ” I think like a MAN, then take away reason and accountablity… ”

    -As Good as it Gets.

  13. Okay, first call me lame. Go ahead, do it.

    But I’m still too squeamish to approach women, so I’ve been trying things with co-workers (mostly women) at work. I don’t actually want to lay any of them (for obvious reasons), but I want to learn how to better communicate and interact with women. First, kino absolutely works. But everyone knows this.

    The interrupting thing actually seems to work. One girl I’ve been kino-ing, and we’ve been pretty comfortable with each other, and we got into a conversation and I kept interrupting what she’s saying to make a point, or jump onto a tangent.

    I expected her to get mad, and leave the room when I turned away. I dunno…that’s what would make sense. Someone isn’t respecting what you have to say, if you don’t get hostile, you’d at least try to get away from that person.

    Instead, she stayed there when I returned. And she continued following me around the rest of the night, and her body language was totally open to me.


    The other thing I tried was where you look her in the eyes when you’re talking to her; but shift your gaze when she’s talking to you. Very assholish thing to do.


    How doesn’t game turn a man crazy? When you look long into the abyss, doesn’t the abyss look long into you?

    1. “How doesn’t game turn a man crazy? When you look long into the abyss, doesn’t the abyss look long into you?”

      Not learning game will drive a man crazy long before game itself will.

      Forget about coworkers right now. Go to outdoor malls, coffee shops, book stores, busy streets, college campuses and anyplace that has a large amount of women and start approaching.

      Don’t worry too much about what you’re saying. Focus on the vibe you’re putting out. Watch some daygame videos on youtube and get your ass out there. You’re going to be amazed at how easy it is after you get a few successful approaches under your belt.

      1. ^above
        “Not learning game will drive a man crazy long before game itself will.”
        I am in the same stage as Kevin.but damn this line makes me laugh as i have been driven “crazy” both by pre(AFC) and post(Alpha) red pill Games.Both fuck with your head if you re new and inexperienced.

        I got a DDBL on a coworker here without active Gaming.I just said something suddenly out of contrast of my Alpha Asshole vibe.BOOM.

      2. @Jeremiah,

        Dunno. I’ve tried before, but I don’t know if it’s AA, or if women are just closed off from me. I think it’s the latter. The more I try to approach, the more women sense that I’m going to approach, and the more closed off they get. I don’t want to go around creeping women out, so I don’t approach.

        Honestly, I don’t know what to do about this. I’m a normal guy, maybe a little older than most of the guys here (29). I think what I need to do is build up myself as an alpha more: Work on getting a better job, going out more, do more interesting things. But by the time I do that, I’ll probably be too old.


        Yeah, that’s all I’m really going for at work. I guess I don’t really get those kinds of looks much, if at all. Maybe that’s all I want, more than getting laid. I want women to want me.

        1. Kevin –

          Learn to be selfish. You’re not selfish enough. YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FIRST.

          “I don’t want to go around creeping women out, so I don’t approach.”

          Who gives a shit if they’re creeped out? That’s her problem.

          You see a hot girl. You like hot girls. Therefore, you approach the hot girl. That is how your mind needs to work if you want success. Stop thinking about her needs so much.

          1. Awesome, thanks. Gonna “sarge” Thursday night after work. Heard it’s the lucky night of the week 🙂

  14. Long time reader, awesome blog.
    Regarding the theme of the post in how to think like a woman, I´ve found two movies capture the notion at some level – I´m not a girl after all, and the movies we´re directed by men –
    Pedro Almodovar “High Heels” – Almodovar is notoriosly gay, and his movies are very fem-centric – and Andrzej Zulawsky´s “La Femme Publique” both movies are unconcerned with plot, but rather want mereley to take the viewer thru the motions, also I would like you to know that there is this other film ” Murmur of the Heart” about how a natural grows, and “Tears for sale” a serbian film, a cartoon depiction of hipergamy.

  15. “The very nature of women’s tingle-driven sexuality demonstrates that her entire decision-making chain is derived from limbic system, or emotional-kinaesthetic, centers of physiology. That’s why with women, and an increasing number of feminized men, their speech is peppered with “I feel like X,” where X in more masculine beings is not a feeling, but a rational thought, so the sentence would be more properly constructed as “I think.”

    I have read ministers say that “the government FEELS…”

  16. I think that the answer to the unspoken question – how to master women is definitely not “thinking like them”. According to my experiences Man has to know and master himself first. Master his emotions, master his body and mind. To some degree, of course, we are still humans. This is not an easy path, just the opposite. Body an mind of a man is constructed to keep him in semi-comatose state to better facilitate his role – role of a slave to women.

    Protective instincts, “romantic” nature, high level of testosterone, ego, self worth of a man depending, to a large degree, on his success with chicks, etc. these traits are nothing but the tools to keep him in this role, and preventing him from understanding, from seing the reality. Game in this sense only better facilitates his enslavement – it keeps the perception that he could be exploited very well (his role of provider – genes, money and protector). It is all about his, perceived, high value for chicks. This clowning is structured so that woman could think that, yeaaaah this fella could be a good slave of mine. If man listens to women, really attractive ones, what they really think about men – pooor creature, ruled by his dick, the purpose of which is nothing but – slave her, protect her, work for her, provide for her.

    Feminine purpose is nothing less than facilitate the perpetuation of DNA. Woman is walking DNA, my friends. Her role is of a prime importance,so do not underestimate this. We think that we men are behaving in terms of logic and reason? Nothing is so far from truth. In dealing with women, men is constantly showered by feelings and hormones, helping woman to enslave him, to catch him and explore his resources for her and her offspring. He is everything but definitely NOT the logical creature when dealing with woman. This is not some plot of feminists, this is his very body.

    If a man wants to master women, he has to master himself first. His level of mastery of women corresponds to his control of emotions. If the man masters himself – he understands women naturally.

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