Think Like a Woman

Men perceive female interpretive reflexiveness in a male context. Women perceive male interpretive awareness in a female context.

Those are two $10 psychological ways of saying men instinctively think women will respond to their approaches (irrespective of Game prowess) on male terms. In other words, they expect women will respond in a rational manner similar to how they as men would. To be sure, this is a result of decades of gender equalist conditioning, but you can’t lay the dynamic entirely at the feet of equalism. Guy’s first order is to think deductively when constructing their mental schemas about how best to solve the problem of getting their sexual imperatives met (usually Beta Game). The disconnect comes when they presume that women are their gender equals and as such will react to their ‘game’ in a similar, reasoned fashion.

JDELA, from the SoSuave forum laments an understanding that comes from imposing a male perspective onto women’s perspectives. Case in point:

If a Neg hit works, not only does it show there’s a lack of self esteem and mental balance, but also the relationship will fail.

From a male perspective, this would make complete and rational sense. If a man were to Neg you or another man, the most rational response would be to interpret that as disrespect and to take offense. In truth, guy’s Neg each other all the time in the form of ‘giving his buddys some shit’ about something. Men do this as a form of unity building, but our inclination to rib each other stops there.

Now lets say that the guy getting Negged, not only accepts it, but becomes intrigued and friendly with the guy negging him. Would you have any respect for either one of them? Probably not. You’d say the guy doing the Negging was being an asshole (see AMOGing)  and the guy getting Negged suffered from a”lack of self-esteem.”

What you’re doing is casting what you’d expect a woman’s response to be in the male perspective. The most common complaint read on any dating site (SoSuave to Love Shack) comes from guys who are dumbfounded that women consistently opt for the Bad Boy Alpha Jerk instead of him and his Nice, loyal, respectful, dependable self. As bourn out by the experiences and observations of women’s behavior from countless millions of men for centuries, what we as men would expect to be the most logical, rational and pragmatic choice of action women could make is rarely proven by the ones they do make.

Don’t get lost in the details; this isn’t a debate about whether or not Negs work or the frequency with which women opt for a Bad Boy. It has everything to do with the fact that men base most of their actions, their beliefs, their personal investments, etc. upon deductive reasoning and predictable outcomes from what they believe is reliable information. So when all you ever hear from women is that they “want a guy with a good heart” or someone sensitive, respectful, humorous, etc. on down the list it would be cause for some considerable confusion when women consistently overlook guys like this in favor of one who is the opposite of her stated desires. Either the data is flawed, our interpretation of it is flawed, or the one relating it is flawed – and probably all three.

So in light of such a consistent conflict of purpose, we have to conclude that what women say and what women do are often at odds with each other. Negs work on women. There’s certainly an art to, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all, but they do work with enough consistency that you can generally predict an outcome. So the question is this: do the vast majority of women suffer from a lack of self-esteem or are we expecting them to act as men would?

It’s very easy to write off the women who’d opt for the Bad Boy as low-quality, but what do you do when your hi-quality woman does the same? You can shoot an arrow, paint the target around it, and get a bullseye every time, but you can’t ignore the incongruency. Breaking out of this plugged-in beta mindset that convinces men that women will react the same as they would is one of the most important transitions of taking the red pill.

The irony of this male-centric preconception is that even in instances where plugged-in men would agree that you “can’t treat a lady like that” the interaction is still colored by the assumption of a male interpretive perspective on the part of a woman. For plugged-in men this comes as an instinctual reflex – it’s one of many – that was part of his life’s conditioning.

Think Like a Woman

As I stated prior, unlearning what you know about women and your equalist mental preposition is usually one of the more difficult aspects of unplugging. Abandoning your old ways of interacting with women involves a very real risk of rejection, but keep in mind that relearning the reality of the differences in mental process between yourself and a prospective woman will make that transition easier.

A lot gets made about the advantages of ‘thinking like a woman’ in terms of Game. For all the variation of playing the Dandy or adjusting for a more feminine-identification technique, I think it’s very important not to actually become a woman in your mental outlook. Most plugged-in guys are already women in their perspective of gender. When I advocate a better understanding of the feminine mind, know that it’s always in terms of making what I study and profess here into actionable practices. Anticipate outcomes, predict results based on what you know a woman would be thinking; not what any equal and neutral, well-reasoned generic person would. Plugged-in guys avoid this even to the limbic root level of their own mental processing because it rings of sexism; and anything minutely associated with sexism is an automatic sexual disqualifier for men with the scarcity mentalities that fem-centrism has raised in them.

An effective Game-aware man has to accept a base understanding of sexism; sexism in the respective differences that characterize the differences between the sexes. Sexism will be used by you or on you, but you will not be exempted from it. You may have been raised into equalism, but clinging to gender equalism after the fact is simply one more Buffer against rejection, and it’s a buffer most guys have a very tough time recognizing in themselves.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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walawala
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walawala
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This is also why guys who act “nice” ie the way they expect a woman to act to them…fail. One other thing to throw out there. I’ve only begun gaming women I want to….I practice on some, but if I’m tired or bored, I just go along with whatever is happening at the time and usually don’t pay any attention. A few things happen. For girls I’ve gamed before but then act “normal”—-they immediately sense something is wrong. “This guy was teasing me and being a jerk and suddenly he’s nice…what’s up?” they start filling in the blanks even when… Read more »

YOHAMI
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Yep. Males interpret reality and come up with universal, impersonal rules – so they can train and beat the outter game. Females interpret reality and come up with minute, personal clues about who they are, so they can pimp themselves and milk the game. Men who attempt to think like women fail at both. Or, you cant take the minute connections and internal preferences and self serving game, and make it a rigid set of rules you can apply generally and beat the outter game. Cant make the personal universal and win at the universal – not without twisting everyone… Read more »

YOHAMI
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YOHAMI
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*cant make the personal game universal and win at the universal, without twisting everyone else into taking your whims AS orders. Which women excel at.

In comparison men will attempt to make things rule-based and fixed, or to make it look like some God is providing the whims. The female will make clear her whims are what SHE wants. Completely different wirings.

The alpha wiring is similar to the female wiring, except it’s still core-code-principles based, and owned, and stronger.

Wald
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Wald
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How do you learn to think like a woman without becoming one?

YOHAMI
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YOHAMI
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Bang lots of them

aoefe
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aoefe
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Great post. I wrote today about how Game doesn’t work for women, I was applying male logic to my dating approach and falling flat. It’s helped me a great deal by being open to understanding how men think and I think the same holds true in reverse.

Stingray
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Think rationally like a man first and then attempt to see how everything makes you feel. Women (if they attempt to be rational) will feel first and then attempt to figure where the feelings come from. It is automatically this way, no matter what. Everything comes from how anything and everything makes us feel. DON”T DO THAT. But you can try to understand at least, by paying attention to how something makes you feel regardless of if that feeling is rational or not. I find that some men will have irrational feelings (for maybe .0005 seconds) and then easily dismiss… Read more »

YOHAMI
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YOHAMI
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And some women will have thoughts that dont feel good and will drop those in .0005 seconds wink

Stingray
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Stingray
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Heh, excellent point. The sad thing is, men tend to drop the irrelevant feelings. Women tend to drop the feelings they should be paying the closest attention to.

Team-Red
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Negging works because you are judging them, which women love to do but hate when they are being judged because it points out her faults which she is extremely self conscious about. By judging her flaws, you automatically make her feel inferior which places you above her. Do the opposite and praise her, she feels the same but believes she can attract a better mate and continues searching for the mate that she is inferior to and can submit to. DHV her Hypergamy in other words, always make her feel inferior and make it clear you are her best option… Read more »

operatingomega
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“An effective Game-aware man has to accept a base understanding of sexism; sexism in the respective differences that characterize the differences between the sexes. Sexism will be used by you or on you, but you will not be exempted from it.”

Going to print this on fliers and just start carpet bombing large population centers with it.

Entire post is pretty much “Red Pill 101: All those things any female ever told you about women are lies.” Even more reason why the male condition must be addressed outside of the feminine. Excellent post

Grit
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Grit
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That there is a word for ‘negging’ is proof of surplus male logic. Who is going to follow me around and decide how many negs i used?

Your goal should be to say anything that elicits an emotional response. Happy. Sad. Overwhelmed. Defensive. Confused. Embarassed. Shy. Powerful. Smart. Rebellious. You have to say shit that makes those feelings happen, insulting or not.

Rollo Tomassi
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“Feminism is the idea that we can make both sexes equal by focusing solely on the issues of one of them.”

The Shocker
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Then you reach a point where responding normal/female/nice just feels wrong, like literally 5 seconds ago..

Her: I’m out of town for a family thing but we can make plans when i get back?

Me: thats so nice you’re with your family but i really prefer girls with daddy issues

Orion
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Jack Nicholson’s character in “As Good As It Gets” was asked how he wrote from a female’s perspective so well. His answer was “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” The bulk of the movie is pure Hollywood drivel, but that line almost makes me want to watch the movie again.

Flahute
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Nah man, don’t spook the kitty with that daddy issues stuff. Her response sounds reasonable, but you can’t give her the boring beta, “sounds good” (we both know that). Give her something to wonder about: “Family values!” (Her: um, does he think that’s a good or bad thing?) Then let her qualify to you about her family or her values.

(R)Evoluzione
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The very nature of women’s tingle-driven sexuality demonstrates that her entire decision-making chain is derived from limbic system, or emotional-kinaesthetic, centers of physiology. That’s why with women, and an increasing number of feminized men, their speech is peppered with “I feel like X,” where X in more masculine beings is not a feeling, but a rational thought, so the sentence would be more properly constructed as “I think.” This phenomenon is so well-entrenched that women are beginning to verbalize gut-level feelings with less and less verbal processing. An example: How many facebook posts, jizzabel articles, or text messages have you… Read more »

Emma the Emo
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Being a woman is kinda like being schizophrenic and trying to figure out if what you are seeing is real or a hallucination. But you learn in time wink If your feelings don’t correspond to reality, they are lying.

Marellus
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loved the lingerie reply.

Marellus
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I have no idea why this worked. This happened on an FB thread : Blah Blah Blah Me : Is this true ? Her : Why do you wanna know ? Me : So that I can start shuddering in fear, and leave you with the responsibility of cheering me up … by kissing me … Her : LOL. Marellus. Marellus. Marellus. I’m neither gonna drink coffee with you, nor am I gonna kiss you. Stop doing this!!!! Me : … my heart is broken !!!! I demand the phone number of your twin-sister … Her : NO. Me :… Read more »

YOHAMI
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YOHAMI
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Lots of drama and women love it. Did she rape you after? no? not the beneficial for you kind of drama then.

walawala
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walawala
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Unexpected. Not giving a crap. Not sure if you liked her or not….all the elements of game.

Jeremiah
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Jeremiah
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Mr. Tomassi – I remember reading The Mystery Method, setting the book down halfway through and thinking to myself, “If I had not stumbled upon Game, I would never, ever, in a quadrillion years have learned how to consistently attract women through an organic system of trial an error. Never, ever, could I have imagined that delivering these self-aggrandizing statements and behaving in this egotistical manner would attract the opposite sex. I thought to myself, “If a man behaved this way toward me I would spend the next week or so mocking his personality.” My question is, Tomassi, do you… Read more »

JHSD
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Jeremiah, if I may hazard a guess, I think alpha traits are learned. Looking at my father, my grandfathers, and my great grandfathers I have nothing but alpha genes. But I am beta as fuck. I am learning, but I don’t see this as me unlocking already existing traits but learning new ones and unlearning old ones.

Marellus
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Marellus
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It does seem though as if Direct Game is ideal for online/text situations, for the simple reason that you have the time to construct something that breaks through a woman’s defenses.

Marellus
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Marellus
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wink

HungHo
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HungHo
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Her: “Gosh, how do you know women so well..?”
Jack Nicholson: ” I think like a MAN, then take away reason and accountablity… ”

-As Good as it Gets.

Team-Red
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Team-Red
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You may need to define what Alpha means to you as it has numerous definitions depending on who you ask. Is Alpha a warrior in battle? Leader of men? Sleeps with many women? …

deti
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deti
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R(E)v:

This is good. Help her feel. Help her connect with her emotions. Find out what feelings drive her: excitement, drama, intrigue, mystery, anticipation, surprise. Then give her that, She will feel her good feelings and will associate you with her good feelings.

itsme
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itsme
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‘kinda like’?

Ed
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Ed
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I am observing my pre-school son and as I read more and more about Game, I observe Alpha behavior naturally in him. He performs negs, takeaways, cocky/funny, and aloof indifference to bitchy girls. Girls who are sweet receive his genuine attention and affection. The only explanation I can come up with is that he has not been poisoned by social niceties yet. Now I actively defend this state of being for him. I do not allow him to be shamed into letting girls win or changing his frame to make them happy. Once a girl told him, “You made me… Read more »

driveallnight
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driveallnight
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Nice post, dude.

Thanatosis (@lmMirin)
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“I thought to myself, “If a man behaved this way toward me I would spend the next week or so mocking his personality.””

LOL! The femininity is strong in this one.

Thanatosis (@lmMirin)
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Ego preservation bias and rationalization hamster at work here.

Thanatosis (@lmMirin)
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Alpha is not something that is really up for interpretation. An alpha is the most dominant individual unadorned in a given situation.

treylesnorth
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Anon
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I don’t think you have to learn to think like a woman, you just have to a) realize and accept that women think differently than men; and b) use that realization to change the interpretation of cues you receive from women.

These both take time, especially (b), but not as long as you might think.

Kevin
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Kevin
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Okay, first call me lame. Go ahead, do it. But I’m still too squeamish to approach women, so I’ve been trying things with co-workers (mostly women) at work. I don’t actually want to lay any of them (for obvious reasons), but I want to learn how to better communicate and interact with women. First, kino absolutely works. But everyone knows this. The interrupting thing actually seems to work. One girl I’ve been kino-ing, and we’ve been pretty comfortable with each other, and we got into a conversation and I kept interrupting what she’s saying to make a point, or jump… Read more »

Jeremiah.
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Jeremiah.
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LOL! That was the old me, years ago. I was hopelessly beta.

Jeremiah.
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Jeremiah.
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That’s an encouraging thought.

Jeremiah.
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Jeremiah.
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“How doesn’t game turn a man crazy? When you look long into the abyss, doesn’t the abyss look long into you?” Not learning game will drive a man crazy long before game itself will. Forget about coworkers right now. Go to outdoor malls, coffee shops, book stores, busy streets, college campuses and anyplace that has a large amount of women and start approaching. Don’t worry too much about what you’re saying. Focus on the vibe you’re putting out. Watch some daygame videos on youtube and get your ass out there. You’re going to be amazed at how easy it is… Read more »

Jeremiah.
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Jeremiah.
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^ That’s not sarcasm, by the way.

Coy
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Coy
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^above
“Not learning game will drive a man crazy long before game itself will.”
I am in the same stage as Kevin.but damn this line makes me laugh as i have been driven “crazy” both by pre(AFC) and post(Alpha) red pill Games.Both fuck with your head if you re new and inexperienced.

@Kevin.
I got a DDBL on a coworker here without active Gaming.I just said something suddenly out of contrast of my Alpha Asshole vibe.BOOM.

Kevin
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Kevin
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@Jeremiah, Dunno. I’ve tried before, but I don’t know if it’s AA, or if women are just closed off from me. I think it’s the latter. The more I try to approach, the more women sense that I’m going to approach, and the more closed off they get. I don’t want to go around creeping women out, so I don’t approach. Honestly, I don’t know what to do about this. I’m a normal guy, maybe a little older than most of the guys here (29). I think what I need to do is build up myself as an alpha more:… Read more »

Akmed
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Akmed
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Long time reader, awesome blog. Regarding the theme of the post in how to think like a woman, I´ve found two movies capture the notion at some level – I´m not a girl after all, and the movies we´re directed by men – Pedro Almodovar “High Heels” – Almodovar is notoriosly gay, and his movies are very fem-centric – and Andrzej Zulawsky´s “La Femme Publique” both movies are unconcerned with plot, but rather want mereley to take the viewer thru the motions, also I would like you to know that there is this other film ” Murmur of the Heart”… Read more »

The One Reason
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The One Reason
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So, situationally a 70 y.o. patriarch to whom everybody listens when he opens his mouth and who controls the room unquestionably trumps (bad choice of a word there) the 30 y.o. underling who could bag most of the baggable-aged women in the room. Unless we assume that the young women overhelmingly prefer very old men, especially if no special gold-digging prize is forthcoming.

Jeremiah
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Jeremiah
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Kevin –

Learn to be selfish. You’re not selfish enough. YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FIRST.

“I don’t want to go around creeping women out, so I don’t approach.”

Who gives a shit if they’re creeped out? That’s her problem.

You see a hot girl. You like hot girls. Therefore, you approach the hot girl. That is how your mind needs to work if you want success. Stop thinking about her needs so much.

xsplat
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That sounds right. I have an ex girlfriend who sends me sms and phones me occasionally flirting – saying she misses me and wants to kiss me etc, but who then always declines to meet. Declines but as indirectly as she can. Me: “I have a plan, let’s meet tomorrow” her “Dissimulation” me: “Do you want to meet or not, yes or no” her:”Maybe” me:”Ok, no then. Why do you call me? If you want to meet, then let’s just meet. It’s useless just talking on the phone” her: “ya ya” click. sms later from her:”my phone battery died. I… Read more »

xsplat
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xsplat
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And I cut off contact with another validation and comfort seeking girl yesterday who wanted to meet up for “lunch” with “I don’t really keep girls as friends, actually. Your fun to talk to, but it’s not good if I want more. I played with your pussy and didn’t even get a blowjob. Frustrating.”

Nobody friends zones me. That’s an insult to my manhood. No girl gets comfort and validation without paying for it with sex.

Kevin
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Kevin
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Awesome, thanks. Gonna “sarge” Thursday night after work. Heard it’s the lucky night of the week smile

Wudang
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Wudang
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“The very nature of women’s tingle-driven sexuality demonstrates that her entire decision-making chain is derived from limbic system, or emotional-kinaesthetic, centers of physiology. That’s why with women, and an increasing number of feminized men, their speech is peppered with “I feel like X,” where X in more masculine beings is not a feeling, but a rational thought, so the sentence would be more properly constructed as “I think.”

I have read ministers say that “the government FEELS…”

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[…] the Think Like a Woman post comments Rational Reader Jeremiah presented me with a well worn question: My question is, […]

gregg
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gregg
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I think that the answer to the unspoken question – how to master women is definitely not “thinking like them”. According to my experiences Man has to know and master himself first. Master his emotions, master his body and mind. To some degree, of course, we are still humans. This is not an easy path, just the opposite. Body an mind of a man is constructed to keep him in semi-comatose state to better facilitate his role – role of a slave to women. Protective instincts, “romantic” nature, high level of testosterone, ego, self worth of a man depending, to… Read more »

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Diego Sigma
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the biochemistry that controls us all.
yes, manosphere men over-estimate the power of reason and logic

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[…] The woman’s thinking – http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/think-like-a-woman/ […]

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