The Abdication Imperative

Rationalmale regular and all-around red pill evangelist MikeC had an interesting Matrix experience recently. This comment was drawn from yesterday’s Respect post:

“This is another socialized manifestation of hypergamy: the man must always perform for her, ***always qualify to her.***

Yup….I actually got engaged over the weekend, and when we got back in town we visited her parents. Me and her on one couch, her parents on the other, and I have a friendly relationship with them (her Mom loves me).

Anyways, we were talking some plans and stuff, and her Dad chimed in about getting used to just saying “Yes, dear”….”Yes, honey”, etc. First thing that popped into my head was the femcentric thinking involved. I didn’t think it was the time or place to call that out for the crap that it is…but I didn’t need to as both myself and my fiancee chimed in at the same time that our relationship isn’t one where she calls the shots and I just go along with it.

It truly is mind-boggling. It almost seems like at some point, a mass brainwashing took place that instilled in men that to “RESPECT” women you simply had to go along with whatever they wanted to say or do in that moment.

[Congrats Mike, and I mean that sincerely since I know you have your roots planted firmly in positive masculinity and Game-awareness. RT]

I was listening to a local talk radio show on my commute home last Friday and a caller tells the hosts that he’s getting married for the first time over the Memorial Day weekend. After all the ubiquitous congratulation, he petitions for advice from the show’s hosts as well as any listeners who call or text or IM into the show.

I can’t say as I was surprised, but predictably, every guy who dropped some words of wisdom couched it in exactly this “just say ‘Yes Dear’ to anything she asks, she’s always right” mass groupthink. “Happy wife equals happy life” was literally what at least 5 of these guys called in or texted to say. Everything after this was autonomously, automatically implying that a husband’s primary duty in a marriage was to ‘keep her happy’. “Make sure you get to all the things on her Honey – Do list and you’ll be alright” was another caller’s advice intoned in a voice that sounded as if he were telling a new arrival at Auschwitz of how best to survive in the camp.

Last week I wrote about how the Unplugged become progressively more sensitive to the group-speak of the Matrix, and MikeC’s experience is a a textbook example of this. However, it’s one thing to identify the code in the Matrix, but it’s quite another to see the latent purposes behind the memes, the clichés and the idioms that the PluggedIn take for common sense.

Hypergamy and Cognitive Function

As MikeC astutely highlighted from Respect, Men’s preoccupation with performance is a direct psychologically, sociologically evolved response to qualifying for women’s hypergamy. Perhaps the most important reason women’s primary drive revolves around security-seeking is due to hypergamy, by definition, being an inherently insecure proposition. In fact so insecure is feminine hypergamy in principle that it was necessary for women to evolve psychological fail-safe schemas on the subconscious level (i.e. involuntary shit tests).

In general, when a psychological dynamic is pressed into the limbic, involuntary, subconscious level of our psyche’s, it’s primarily due to that dynamic requiring too much mental attention for our conscious minds to process effectively and maintain a cognitive awareness of other dynamics, stimulus, etc. in our environment that require our more immediate attention. Mother Nature has evolved humans with a wonderful ability to muti-task our awarenesses, but there are limits to how much information a person can process efficiently before that psyche becomes overwhelmed. Taken to the extreme this processing overload has potentially life threatening and species survival implications. Thus these processes that would overwhelm our conscious cognitive abilities are relegated to our peripheral awareness and/or pressed down to a subconscious / preconscious level.

This then is the mental realm of feminine hypergamy. When Roissy writes about women’s hindbrains or imagination/rationalization hamsters, this is the conceptual, psychological region from whence they issue. It’s easier to think of hypergamy – and its manifestations such as shit tests – in terms of breathing. We can control our breathing when we think of it, but when our mental attention is required elsewhere our autonomous nervous system takes over and we breath on autopilot until such time as we become aware of that breathing. Whether we are under stress or running a marathon, that autonomous system kicks in to allow us to focus on more important stimuli. So too is it with hypergamy – women are aware of it, and may adress it consciously, but more often hypergamy is pushed into women’s peripheral consciousness to allow them to focus on other stimuli.

The Abdication Imperative

Hypergamy is rooted in doubt. Hypergamy is an inherently insecure system that constantly tests, assesses, retests and reassesses for optimal reproductive options, long-term provisioning, parental investment, and offspring and personal protection viability in a potential mate. Even under the most secure of prospects hypergamy still doubts. The evolutionary function of this incessant doubt would be a selected-for survival instinct, but the process of hypergamy’s assessment requires too much mental effort to be entirely relegated to women’s subconscious. Social imperatives had to be instituted not only to better facilitate the hypergamous process, but also to reassure the feminine that men were already socially pre-programmed to align with that process.

In an era when women’s sexual selection has been given exclusive control to the feminine, in an age when hypergamy has been loosed upon the world en force, social conventions had to be established to better silence the doubt that hypergamy makes women even more acutely aware of. And nowhere is this doubt more pronounced than in the confines of a monogamous commitment intended to last a lifetime. Thus we have the preconception “Happy Wife equals Happy Life” pre-programmed into both gender’s collective social consciousness. It’s as if to say “It’s OK Hypergamy, everything’s gonna be alright because we all believe that women should be the default authority in any relationship.”

When you disassemble any operative feminine social convention, on its most base, instinctive level the convention’s latent purpose is to facilitate and pacify hypergamy.

As I covered in Hypergamy doesn’t care,.. it isn’t enough to profess love, promise support, exemplify dedication, etc., no, in a social context hypergamy demands a total pre-abdication of authority. Hypergamy wants social assurances before it makes a decision it has to live with. And even under the condition of total contrition hypergamy will not be pacified, but feminization, since the sexual revolution, has defined society in hypergamic terms, and that imperative will insist that the general populace internalize that “Happy Wife equals Happy Life.”

84 comments

  1. I meant to mention this in response to last week’s article, but this one hits the nail more squarely on the head: I have been noticing this sort of pathetic, preemptive supplicating behavior freaking everywhere. It bothered me pre-red-pill, but now it’s like someone stabbing me with a pin. The worst part of it is that it’s rarely convenient to disassemble, on the spot, the absurd structure the Yes Dear Always responses are built upon, so you have to let them go. There’s neither time nor leverage to even point out that such comments are insipid, unmanly, abjectly unreciprocated, the opposite of what each actually wants, and therefore destined to leave both parties unhappy. Explaining why this is so is even more out of the question.

    My usual response is to try not to look nauseated.

    Oh, and there’s this: When was the last time anyone made any similar suggestion about a woman’s primary duty? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

  2. It seems like turning yourself into a voluntary eunuch or hyper-agressive macho are the two strategies that result. The beta can’t understand the constant insecurity so he relinquishes his will over guiding it. The alpha doesn’t give a fuck since girls act on their best behavior until he is satisfied.

    Hypergamy asks the question, betas give an answer. When hypergamy asks again, betas wonder why the answer didnt please. Alphas dont answer the question.

  3. “My usual response is to try not to look nauseated.”

    Ha! Same here. I’m going to a party this weekend hosted by solidly blue pill types, so I’m starting to mentally prepare myself days in advance.

  4. What about those sharp one liners that can be said and then just walk away? You know, those ones that make half the people laugh uncomfortably and make the other half angry?

    Or would it be inappropriate as well in these settings? Explaining in detail most likely won’t get you anywhere, regardless. Those one liners tend to stick with people.

  5. Man, I run into that disgusting blue-pill shit all the time. I find it offensive, and I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut.

    If I do offer opposition, I just sound like a total asshole.

    I want to say, though, that you are giving too damn much power to hypergamy. It is a serious foe to battle, to be sure, but very much a defeatable one. Yeah, hypergamy doesn’t care about our ‘love’ etc..

    But it is quite possible to function in such a way that hypergamy becomes placated, and only pops up in the occasional shit-test, which, as you mentioned, is VERY easy to spot, the more red-pill you have taken.

    Gritartisan, right above me, has stated that it appears our two choices is a voluntary eunuch or hyper-aggressive macho, and he is partly right.

    I just find the hyper-aggressive macho part to be overstated.

    A woman wants to be Dominated. A woman MUST be Dominated, or hypergamy will run rampant.

    Dominating a girl is not that hard, its quite fun (for both) and when you really get inside a girl’s head, she ain’t going NOWHERE. You don’t even have to be an asshole, you just exert your authority wisely, be awesome, and run the show.

    Like parenting, if you suck at it, you will struggle for many years… but if you are skilled at it, you need very little actual discipline, because they simply learn to cooperate.

    Male Dominance is not something to disdain, any more than women should disdain submission. They are our natural states, and deviating from that creates dissonance.

    Just do it right, and mastery of women is easy, and brings joy to all.

    Seriously, its just not that damn hard. Never abdicate the throne.

    Women dream not of equals, but of Masters.

  6. This was a well-articulated piece. I’m happy to say I don’t associate with too many “yes, dear” type guys. Just can’t deal with that type of guy.

  7. Solomon, power might not be the right word, but hypergamy does need alot of “attention” you can’t give it too much at this point, this is one of the main threads that is unraveling our nation and hardly anyone knows about it.

    But I must ask to anyone who can answer. What is the male equivalent to hypergamy? The obvious answer is a male’s desire to sleep with/impregnate tons of women or the attractiveness of his woman.

    But to me at least the parallels just aren’t as clear, like there are not online communities of women taking red pills on how to keep their men sexually satisfied or continue looking good throughout life, or some motherly advise to a daughter that parallels the “yes dear” advice fathers give sons.

  8. No surprise I agree with Stingray. It is SO good to hear someone say “you don’t even have to be an asshole.” No, you realy don’t. There are some women who just will refuse to engage because the line of assholery starts to blur with sadism. No. Thank. You.

  9. That would be ideal. I’m open to suggestions. With other topics my wit does its usual rapier flourishes, but in this case I’m like the ex-smoker who not only can’t stand the smell any more but has trouble not preaching about the ills of tobacco. The urge is strong to either slap the wuss out of them or shake them like a dog, shouting, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” So… Yeah. A collection of 1-liners kept at hand would be preferable.

  10. Alas, I don’t have any one-liners for you. Hard to come up with without having a lead-up. Do you have a girl? My husband and I have been to parties where this goes on and our go to is some form of “Woman, how about a beer/whiskey/drink/sammich etc.” I give my best smile, get what he asked for and give it too him with a loving, happy kiss. The looks we are get are hysterical.

  11. Good post Rollo.

    It’s not just the husband regurgitating the ‘Yes, dear’ nonsense. It gets carried over all too often into the entire family with the ‘If Momma ain’t happy, nobody is happy….’ rationale. It essentially trains the children that same behavior which carries over into their own lives.

  12. Thanks Rollo….this is my second go around, and it was the traumatic, disastrous first marriage which led me to the Red Pill and many of your writings years ago. I think the first time I chose poorly and obviously had that total wussified beta mindset. I think this time I’ve chosen wisely, and am bringing the Captain mindset.

    Last week I wrote about how the Unplugged become progressively more sensitive to the group-speak of the Matrix, and MikeC’s experience is a a textbook example of this. However, it’s one thing to identify the code in the Matrix, but it’s quite another to see the latent purposes behind the memes, the clichés and the idioms that the PluggedIn take for common sense.

    When I read this, I thought of the movie They Live with Rowdy Roddy Piper, and how the people with the special glasses can see the alien control and programming all around them, at all times, and the subliminal messaging while everyone else is completely ignorant of how much they are being controlled.

    I see it everywhere from casual conversations in the workplace, to talk shows, to sitcoms like Modern Family (which I think is hilarious, but is the quintessential beta wussified schlub). Everywhere you see the message of “strong” women, and guys who are supposed to jump through hoops to keep them happy.

  13. Good lord, between this and ‘Perceptions’ you are smashing it lately.

    Also, in reply to ‘A’ – “But to me at least the parallels just aren’t as clear, like there are not online communities of women taking red pills on how to keep their men sexually satisfied or continue looking good throughout life, or some motherly advise to a daughter that parallels the “yes dear” advice fathers give sons”

    Perhaps not the last point, but the number of magazines and websites devoted to helping women look good and be better in bed… it’s obscene

  14. Just found an interesting story on Yahoo.com, it’s a website a lot of women at my workplace read.

    http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/7-things-women-drive-men-mad-080011387.html

    It’s basically listing some common things women do in relationships, that ties in very neatly to what Rollo says in this article. Perhaps predictably, a lot of the responses from women are saying “bu bu bu I’m not like that! I treat my husband so super awesomely blah blah blah let’s talk about me for seven paragraphs”. Irony at its finest – one of the very points made is ‘incessant talking’ xD!
    I think these responses could be seen as some sort of evolutionary mechanism to advertise oneself as a good mate… ‘oh yes lots of *other* women are like that, but not me!’

    Thoughts?

  15. Everyone should go back to their old copy of Robert Ringer’s ‘Winning Through Intimidation’ for some simple remedies to hypergamy. No, your framed response to shit tests doesn’t have to be putting your fist through dry-wall to get her attention (although a display of controlled anger definitely brings out the submissive little girl when done properly… AND will get her abundantly wet). But Ringer’s business postulation of not even taking the time to address the obstacle in front of you (shit tests) – but leaping directly to where you want to be in the situation (giving commands and expecting prompt responses) – is exactly analogous to an alpha’s non-response.

    When my current LTR started I made a conscious effort (I was still red-pilling and ‘faking it to make it’ at that point) that every time she took a feminist stance (I’m converting her), to say “Aw, that’s so cute when you act feminist” as I would to a child. A few times I even horseplayed and slapped her on the ass, “No feminism in this apartment, bad girl!” At first it infuriated her, shell-shocked (DC girl, whaddya expect), but now she knows when she tries to push the envelope and take charge she’ll get slapped down (figuratively – or on the ass, literally). I’ve always read about it but am now actually seeing it. Hypergamy demands that a woman push the relationship and try to take charge, then reflexively dump the chump when he abdicates the lead. The beta boys with their “Yes Dear” have cut their own nuts off, given her the lead and either don’t know it or know it but are so afraid to lose her they won’t do anything about it. Although they live miserably and probably will lose her to the biker who doesn’t treat her like a pedestalled princess.

    So it’s very simple… never abdicate. She doesn’t like it, there’s the door. Rule 16, ‘never be afraid to lose her.’

    Treat her as replacable and she won’t want to be replaced. There’s the great irony in all of this.

    I agree with Samuel Soloman above. When I began the relationship operating from the ‘king of the throne frame,’ it didn’t take her long to get with the program. But note this, and here’s where I think guys get abusive and douchbaggy – I don’t abuse the privelege of running my house by making her do things for me… I just let her know that my decision is what we’re going with, right or wrong, and I see it through without hesitation. She likes that, she wants that, and now I’m seeing that she needs that, even if she’ll never say it.

  16. Nah, pure solipsism. We read an article like that and the first thing we have to do it compare ourselves to it. We can’t stop it from happening even if we try. Then, the urge to defend oneself is overwhelming. It is so blurring often times that it won’t allow an actual reading of the article because after the first thing that we take issue with, nothing else at all is even understood.

  17. It’s too difficult to be an island in a sea of hyperagamy, the same limbic drives that are existent in female hyperagamy are also existent in the masculine need to cooperate (even Nazis ended up cooperating with the Allies).

  18. Unfortunately, over time the “yes dear” men result in broken marriages and single parent kids. You owe it to your family to resist this at all costs. Be the man of the house or lose the house to another man.

  19. Interestingly enough, I’ve seen men do the same. Someone posted an article on Cracked, about failings of men, and many responded they are not like that. Not all of them did that, just a noticeable fraction.

  20. Combine them. Slap her on the ass after she makes you an amazing sandwich. Really piss off the others.

    “How about a drink?” or “Baby, bring me a drink.” is too wordy?

  21. “How about a drink?” should work in some situations, though I’m still at a loss for something between a sermon and a bitch-slap to give the castradi described in the article.

  22. “Hypergamy demands that a woman push the relationship and try to take charge, then reflexively dump the chump when he abdicates the lead.”

    If only I’d read that years ago… Ah, well. Could be one of the most concentrated encapsulations of Red Pill I’ve ever seen.

    Look, the difference between being a good ruler and bad ruler is mostly in whether you believe it yourself, whether you know your fitness to lead to be true. One is easy, confident control; the other is dangerous bluster. One is Steven Tyler, the other is… well, pick any too-ready-to-fight rapper. The difference between what people think of when you say “walks like he owns the place” and what the actual guy who owns the place walks like is pretty stark. Swagger is often tryhard because it isn’t believed by the guy swinging it, the male equivalent of a reactive, easily-scared woman jutting her chin and claiming to be Strong (TM). She doesn’t believe it; she isn’t it. An actually strong and confident woman acts differently. So does a man connected with his power instead of an oversensitive boy.

  23. Speaking of one liners, it would be great to develop comments, standard replies and standard things to say to quickly get our views across in a clever gamish way. And also to discuss more about how to explain red pill wisdom to people in clever ways and tolerable amounts.

  24. Peregrine John,

    Seriously, all I got is quite crude. When a man tells you that you should always say “Yes Dear” to your wife you could respond something along the lines of “Huh. That’s funny. That’s what {insert name here} says to me when it’s hummer time”

    Yeah. I’m a chick. I’m not as good at this as the guys here are. Sorry.

  25. Absolutely. Arrows in the quiver. Some focus on that would be well-leveraged attention.

  26. I first off want to say thank you all for your comments, and for the author of this blog and other similar blogs for giving me a safe space, and for really awakening me, albeit a little late at 23. I also want to apologize for the length of this, if it ends up long, and if it’s a stupid thing to post. Moderator can feel free to delete it if he thinks so.

    I would like to ask your advice on my current situation. My ex girlfriend – who I guess I broke up with informally, and she broke up with me formally, officially – not the first time (we’ve “broken up” maybe a total of 16 times, or more, or less, I really don’t know, only two of them felt real, and those were initiated by me, involving cutting contact with her, until she re-initiated.

    Anyway, here’s my problem: she is, I don’t know how to properly say it: falsely charging me in a civil suit or something (I’m not entirely sure what this is, or how it works) to have a restraining order put on me. I say falsely because there are no grounds for her extreme action as far as I can tell. But as vague as the law seems to be, I have a feeling this could go really bad if I don’t take the right steps to protect myself from whatever this could turn into, and I don’t know what those steps are.

    We broke up “officially” after talking on the phone merely 4 nights ago, and a few texts back and forth that followed after that. In one of these texts she projected/insinuated from something I said (in quote me: “hahaha I’ll see you on the internet” – which I personally was referring to OKCupid if anything, and it was an innocent, although considering the conversation I guess asshole thing to say)….so she then went on to say that I was a creep and a jerk who was going to post private pictures/ videos of her/us on the internet and that she was going to sue me for harassment and get a restraining order put on me and she was contacting her daddy’s lawyer tomorrow. I would never do that. I don’t have it in me to do something like that, let alone be stupid enough to do so considering todays political femcentric climate and knowing full well I’d suffer serious repercussions were that done and she found out – plus those pictures and videos were private, and for my eyes only, I barely enjoy my friends hanging out with her and I in person, I can’t imagine exposing her and I in a sexual way to masses of the public. I didn’t take this seriously, and replied with a few long ranty drunken texts, all of them sarcastic, but one if I recall correctly, saying she needed to let me know by March 29th – the next day – if she was suing me or charging me with anything, and what it was, so that I could take appropriate action and get a lawyer myself. I also stupidly wrote that I doubt her case would go in her favor, and if anything she’d be exposed of the abuse she put me through (looking back, saying that makes me look like I was threatening her, and I’m sure a lawyer could easily manipulate my words; I seriously was saying though, that if anyone was the victim in our relationship, it was me, for what I put up with – which I’ll mention further on possibly).

    I was drinking that night – when she broke up with me, I was in some serious emotional pain, clearly, and as expected, because not four days prior to that was she pronouncing her love for me, and being extremely sexual, and lovey, and clingy with me; I personally felt, and thought by her actions and words and mine as well the weeks prior and with everything taken into consideration with our whole relationship and it’s trajectory, that we were never in a better place in our relationship and that it never had as much of a future until then; I mean, we’ve had a rough relationship as it was, but at that point all the positive changes we both needed to be making were coming into place (I moved back to our hometown to get sober no more than a month ago, and furthermore to make our relationship better); I could write a book about our relationship, it’s many twists and turns, and many years in the making; it’s seriously like Chuck Palahniuk rewriting Thomas Hardy’s “Tess of the d’Urbervilles: A Pure Woman Faithfully Presented” while conjuring Enochian angels in a cyberpunk poetic labyrinthine dream of Borges writing about dreaming about the novel written by Palahniuk being Borges dreaming of writing Tess of the d’Ubervilles…

    Anyway,the week before this she broke up with me nearly every night, only to come back the next day saying she didn’t mean it, and that she said it in the heat of the moment out of anger. Both times she explicitly vocally broke up with me, we were having consensual sex no more than an hour after and were back together; I recognized her irrational emotional outbursts, and hence didn’t take them as seriously, and managed each night accordingly, never forcing her into anything, and if anything being supportive of her decision to end things. I didn’t take the break ups seriously then, but I clearly have to take this one seriously because she’s getting the law involved for reasons beyond what I already know about her BPD like behavior (I bet writing this, if taken out of context, will legally bind me; but I hope not, I just want to present my case to you people for opinion and advice). I stupidly, though drunkenly, and clearly in a sarcastic text which involved rhyming told her I’d love her even more if she sued me. It is SO evident that the texts were in reaction to what she was accusing me of, and then threatening me with, and that they were in no way serious. I can post the text interaction in full if necessary.

    Now, yesterday, three days after breaking up I called her seeing that she had called. I have only called her once – yesterday – since the break up, and left a brief message saying I got her missed call and she should call back if she still had anything she needed to say (so calling her back after seeing a missed call from her from the day after we broke up).

    So communication ended after she broke up with me for real, and after I replied to her texts that night, minus one missed call from her, and me calling her back a day later. I don’t find that to be stalker-ish behavior, nor grounds for civil action. And yet here I am, having received a notification on my door yesterday from some Officer Morissey that I need contact the Sheriff’s Office for civil case # XYZ. I have no doubt in my mind that this is regarding her actually going through with the insanity of her accusations, projections, and threats reading between the lines and making it out like I threatened her with something. She must really hate me by now, I mean clearly, this is fucked up. BTW, we broke up because I recently got sober, and then I had a relapse, at least that’s the only reason I can see her rationalizing breaking up with me at that point. So it’s not like I already have enough issues going on in my life.

    I am unaware of what a restraining order is or what it’s implications are on me and my future. I’m only 23. I think this is ludicrous and quite offensive. And at the very least, immature on her end.

    Do I need to get a lawyer? What can I do in this situation. I have no physical proof of my innocence regarding whatever she’s accusing me of beyond what I’ve written, and will take full responsibility for anything that is true, because I’ve always, even stubbornly, risked honesty over losing my dignity (often to my detriment – be that legally, scholastically, socially, etc…).

    I know some correspondences between us in the past make me look out to be the crazy asshole, but in fact it was me being beta-emotional bitch in reaction to what she had done at the time. It’s like there’s evidence of me responding to what seems like nothing (due to her LACK of physical evidential communication) when in reality in response to things that would get her arrested if anything.

    I mean she’s even threatened suicide multiple times when I was trying to break up with her in the past, she’s gotten violent with me, broken things in front of me, thrown tantrums in public, and worse ones in private, threatened suicide multiple times, I’ve had to grab\hide knives from her, break into my own bathroom to get her out of it with a knife once, nearly been stabbed a few times, been hit multiple times (in the face once), been made out to be a bad person for what she’s done, had to threaten calling police multiple times if she didn’t calm down, had to once witness her cutting her self, flailing a sharp object violently yelling shit at me, and while trying to stop her, got cut on my wrist in the process, been called seriously disturbing and hurtful things, and taken it all in stride until I sobered up I guess and recognized what was happening. When I no longer had zero boundaries, and stopped putting up with her drama, when things were fianlly calm, and I managed her shitstorms so well I’d have her in my arms smiling and kissing me within minutes, where before she’d be yelling & crying for hours, and now this!? WTF, I’ve been nothing but a perfectly rational and respectful boyfriend, and only shown anger or put my foot down when due, like in scenarios like the above mentioned. But now that she’s “lost” the fight, or has no “fight” to be had, she’s starting a legal battle with me!? I don’t understand this, and feel like I’m being shamed, blamed, and accused of I don’t know what yet, but I’ll find out and I have a good idea it’s exactly what she said in those texts she’d do. And her family already hates me, plus probably have really good lawyers considering what I know of her and her family and their past. And this could get really nasty if I wanted it to, knowing so much about them. But, I don’t want it to. I just want to get on, move on, not deal with this nonsense anymore.

    I mean she fits every BPD classification available, and now I may legally face repercussions?

    What is she doing? Why the fuck is she doing this to me? Is breaking up with me not enough? I’m, without her, at the lowest point in my life, physically, health-wise, mentally, and now she tops it all off with this.

    I don’t know what to do. I mean, these blogs are the only places I feel that could even empathize with me, ’cause anywhere else I go I feel I’ll be harassed and told that if she’s filing a restraining order then I probably deserve it, which I don’t.

    Thanks if anyone read this, and if anyone can point me to any legal websites or give me advice on what to do before I try to handle this myself as a barely legally knowledgeable citizen that would be great. And sorry again for the long ranting post. I tried to explain as best as I could as quickly as I could, so it’s not edited and grammar’s poor.

    – M

  27. Acute BPD, go dark.

    Do not contact her, delete every conceivable connection she could have with you no matter how remote or insignificant. Twitter, texting, cell phone number (get a new one), all of it. Delete your FaceBook account and don’t consider creating a new one for at least a year and then under a new alias. Do not contact anyone who knows you both mutually.

    If you’re employed, tell your boss about your situation now. She WILL pursue you there once she’s exhausted all her other means of contact. She will experience what’s called an ‘Extinction Burst’ where she will resort to radical or violent means to reestablish a connection with her host and the reward he represented.

    I was you at 23.
    Read this:
    https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/borderline-personality-disorder/

    I expect you’ll probably have ONEitis for her, but understand she is NOT who you think she is, nor will she ever become what you’d want her to be for you. She IS her disorder, she IS her neurosis.

    Go dark as if your life depends upon it, because it does.

  28. Ok. I will. It shouldn’t be hard after this summer when I can move away again and she won’t be in close proximity to me at all. Fortunately I don’t have a facebook, and cutting contact with her won’t be too difficult, but the dramatic nature of this is all & the audacity with which she is going to every means to make me feel like I’m in the wrong for her insanity is literally killing me. I have no doubt I would end up dead within a few months if I guess things didn’t get taken this far and I was forced to not see her, or not have her see me, really; as she was always the one who came back. This is painful. I mean, it’s been painful. I don’t know how long it will take for me to recover from this. But, I do know it’s for the best, and I truly look forward to the time when she’s no longer a burden.

    What do I do about the false accusations she’s making though? That’s what I’m really worried about. Like what if mine or my Family’s Name is ruined because of this. The Sheriff is going to serve my “civil” papers today (the court, which I called earlier, said they couldn’t tell me anything else), if not I’ll have to pick the “civil papers” up tomorrow.

    I have a feeling this is going to really fuck up my life in a way, this final blow she’s thrown. Do I need to get a lawyer? Do I need to put a reverse restraining order on her? Is that even possible? Can I actually defend myself in this case? I feel like she’ll easily manipulate the court, her family, the lawyer, anyone really, and make me out to be the bad guy, when she’s the one that needs psychiatric care (which she obstinately refuses; and I likely now need even MORE psychiatric help beyond what lifelong depression, addiction/alcohol abuse problems I have, to name a few, because of what she’s put me through.

    I am at a loss for words. It’s like she has spent the last year trying to kill me, to destroy me, and having failed entirely, in fact making me seemingly stronger, more adept at her games throughout, she’s given up, and done the final ‘fuck you’ by trying to legally bind me to think of her by not being allowed to contact her. A problem with the restraining order also is that she lives like a mile away, works a shopping center in the library that I frequent often, as well as goes to similar places as me all the time. So it’s inevitable that I will see her. I was just hoping I’d see her infrequently without any reprecussions, and expected like always we’d end up in a romantic or sexual scenario, and I’d do what I’ve been since recognizing her insanity, and just enjoy the good times, and once her crazy would come out, I’d back off and leave.

    I have oneitis for her surely, and the restraining order of course just makes what would’ve been an easy moving on from her into a difficult and binding thing that will constantly be in the back of my mind.

    Ok, so the cop just showed up and acted like the Temporary Restraining Order was no big deal. From what I’ve read, it seems like it can be, and especially if it becomes a Permanent Restraining Order.

    It also seems like everything is in her favor. She basically lies about XYZ, gets the court clerk to check it off, and then I’m fucked.

    I have a hearing I can go to, the cop made it seem like I shouldn’t go, had no reason because all it would do is prevent my from owning firearms. Hell no, I’m going to court, I’m placing a restraining order on her. If I want to I’ll go as far as suing her for emotional & physical abuse, threats of self harm, threats of suicide, destruction of my property, and whatever else I can come up with.

    This is fucked up. I am seriously so fucking angry at her. She’s probably crying and laughing simultaneously, she’s probably seeking and getting comfort from people, she’s probably harassing me as I speak, God only knows what she’s putting on facebook. I’m really fucking speechless right now. She completely fabricated this bullshit and now I have to deal with it.

    I bet she won’t even show up to court. She knows that if she were to speak to me in person, especially in front of a Judge, there is nothing she’d be able to say that I’ve done, whereas I can list criminal violation of my rights that I’ve put up with.

    I’m such a fool. I hope the article you posted will help me somewhat.

    I really hate this manipulative little girl; I feel sorry for the next guy to fall into her trap. But I feel even worse for her, that she lives in this insanely tumultuous state, I can’t imagine her frenzied existence and how she keeps up with her own insanity.

    And man I’m gonna miss her blow jobs. Seriously. I think that’s what kept me so in love with her. I don’t know how I’m gonna fuck anyone again. I am going crazy right now.

    I want to cry. There goes my manhood. And now I get to watch as what ounce of a reputation I had dissipates and crumbles in front of me.

    From the bottom up, bottom’s up, I don’t know how much more I can take.

    My own family hates me, and I basically gave them up for this girl. I have lost all of my friends, save 1.

    I have no one to fucking talk to. I can’t even comprehend this. It’s just so fucking absurd.

    sorry for the cursing, it’s just hitting me like a ton of bricks.

  29. Outstanding post, Mr. Tomassi. It’s one of those occaissional gems that I know I’ll be returning to in the future for multiple re-readings.

  30. @ MCM

    motherfucker (that’s a friendly, man-to-man “motherfucker,” by the way), DO NOT GIVE UP. Friend, DO WHAT ROLLO ADVISES. And PLEASE, DO NOT GIVE UP.

    This bullshit you’re going through, this is IT, sir. THIS is the kind of unspeakable insanity that brought a not insignificant number of men to this forum (and CH, and Dalrock, etc). The jaw-dropping frustration, the psychological helplessness, the blood-curdling fury you’re feeling? It’s THE VERY BEGINNING OF THE UNPLUGGING PROCESS. You’re feeling the inescapable, NECESSARY trauma that accompanies it. And it sucks total werewolf balls– BUT YOU WILL COME THROUGH THIS. You MUST… we NEED YOU HERE, FRIEND.

    Listen– LISTEN TO ME… I have been through EXACTLY what you’re going through, with one critical difference: I’ve been through it TWICE. Yeah, you read that correctly. I’ve been through this bullshit TWO FUCKING TIMES, WITH TWO DIFFERENT FEMALES. And I’ve only mentioned what I’m about to mention once before in a public forum (CH), and I’m damn embarrassed to reveal this, but I was SO distraught that I had my entire suicide planned out, DOWN TO THE TIME OF DAY. It was a done deal, right down to my suicide letter, which was a babble of frustration along with an informal will (I have a lot of cool stuff that I wanted to pass along to my family). Now, I’m not going to get into it because I understand the troubles that accompany a public admittance of prayer, but suffice it to say that with my absolute last shred of hope, I began to recite the novena to St. Jude (and for all my non-Catholic friends, according to our faith, St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes). Did a miracle occur? I will let the reader decide for himself– but it was soon after my prayers, and just before my suicide date, that I came upon Chateu Heartiste. Then I found Dalrock. Then The Rational Male. And it was like… well, I felt that I found the truth for the first time in my life. And you worry about being too old become unplugged at 23 years old, MCM? Kid, I’m FORTY TWO. I DEMAND that you realize the opportunity you have, learning this stuff at such a young age! 😉 SAVOR IT, and don’t you ever bemoan your age again. To get back on track, I’m telling you my story because you need to see how a weak, broken, beta-minus fag (the old me) came through the storm of storms by the skin off his fucking teeth, to the other side– where a small handful of GREAT MEN greeted me and helped me and, most importantly, unplugged me.

    And as I mentioned above, the unplugging HURTS. But that it’s nature! It’s bitter medicine, I know… we ALL know, because we’ve all been there. MCM, you’re going through hell… KEEP GOING. Keep going, motherfucker– we’re all over here on the other side, cheering you on, waiting for your arrival. We need you over on our side, buddy. NOW STAND UP STRAIGHT, GIRD YOUR FUCKING LOINS, AND WALK THROUGH THAT STORM.

  31. Believe me, I know the archives well! I have an entire folder filled with your writings. They’re truly gold I tells ya.

  32. @ MCM

    PS: Rollo wrote, “I expect you’ll probably have ONEitis for her, but understand she is NOT who you think she is, nor will she ever become what you’d want her to be for you. She IS her disorder, she IS her neurosis.”

    MCM, fucking repeat that paragraph out loud, over and over, fifty times in a row. Use a deck of cards, and drop one card on the table each time you repeat it. YOU MUST KNOW AND ACCEPT IT’S TRUTH INSIDE AND OUT.

    It IS it’s disorder; it IS it’s neurosis. It’s brain isn’t working properly. It is one fucked up specimen. Don’t try to rescue it! Save your kindness and tender heart for those who could really use it: lonely senior citizens, abused animals, the hopeless and downtrodden, etc.

  33. You know, I think I sent the wrong message when I wrote “It’s one of those occaissional gems…” I hit the ‘post comment’ button before it had a chance to sink in. I’ll bet I (unintentionally) came across as something like, “Oh, finally, an RT post worthy of my contemplation (*snort*).” NOT INTENDED AT ALL! 😉

    ALL your posts are incredible– in fact, I can’t fathom how your brain is able to organize and articulate ideas, and *levels* of ideas, the way it does. I’m lucky if I can fully digest and contemplate one post a week. And now that I think about it, THAT is the meaning of my “one of those occaissional gems” comment; it matches up with the topics that are currently floating around in my head. Like, I couldn’t read and properly digest the “Plate Theory” series at this point in time, despite how critically important it is… I’m saving those for my next level of understanding.

    Anyway, just wanted to clear that up. Is it painfully obvious that I have the day off?

  34. Funny you mention St. Jude. I went to a rehab/sober living environment in upstate New York near the Adirondack Mountain’s for 6 weeks or so, a few years ago which was called St. Jude’s.

    There was a statue of him in a garden/ backyard type area. I used to stare at it at night or in the morning. Or on my walk back from the gas station where I’d buy cigarettes (the rehab was nice because it was choice based, and you got to go out and do what you wanted, so it was like a sober living home coupled with their version of rehabilitation therapy; of course I was one of a few who actually were sober the entire time there, and the only one they trusted enough to never drug test, because quite frankly, I was at a sober place, I didn’t want to nor feel like drinking was necessary).

    I used to film/photograph the statue, because it was so beautiful with the surrounding woods, and especially in the snow or while snowing, right at the magic hour after sunset, or in the morning at sunrise. Or just kinda stare at it and meditate.

    I even have written songs named St. Jude, or referring to him. I have some experimental videos/ music named St. Jude. Some before and after having been to the rehab place.

    I will look up his prayer. I guess this guy’s got a place in my life, as he’s only come up twice, Now and Then, which I mentioned above. Transitional periods.

    Thank’s motherfucker, I’ll be all the better for this, I know. But it fucking sucks.

    And the hardest part is going to be getting rid of the pictures of her. Of the videos we’ve made. I mean, I even look like a porn star in them, or feel like one when I see them. I guess I could just get them off my computer and store them somewhere so that when I’m famous they will accidentally leak and I can make a buck off of my celeb sex tape revealed….just kidding, maybe? And of the shit she’s written me. I really didn’t care about her being BPD as much as I knew she was, I just liked who I thought I saw she was beyond that. I don’t know how to like explain this to family, to get support from people.

    I can’t really explain but I don’t have much support at all right now.

  35. Yeah, you’re all right. It just doesn’t make sense. It is so far beyond anything I can fathom, it’s almost admirable the fucking sickness. I know she isn’t the first BPD I’ve encountered. Just the first I didn’t leave when the signs were clear.

    You are right, she is no longer her, she is IT. She even goes by her middle name, not her first name, which if you knew her name, you’d probably think that’s a fucking sign she’s a BPD succubi witch anyway.

    She may as well be named Jezebel. And that’s not a joke. What she goes by is quite similar…

    Funny that I wrote my first epic poem in highschool dedicated to her when I first met her; it was called OF HELL (foreshadowing something or what?), & was my own version/response to Dante at age 17; she was 19; it was 39 pages, 5 line stanzas, 14 syllables a line.

    And at 22 with my first novel, she was a character (before we were dating officially – and years of basically no contact, save the random hookup & when not as FWB anymore) she named Lillitu in it, who was a hallucinatory spider; then she became Inanna in another series of writing I was working on, then a Pomba Gira in later works, and finally she became “My Babalon”. And i think that weird fucked up pseudo religious representation of her as a harlot will aid me in my recovery from It’s illness having attached to me.

    I should’ve taken heed form my own unconscious’ depiction/representation of her. It’s painful for me to read the first novel I wrote because it is like I predicted my relationship in heavily symbolic ways; it was like a Nerval novella written about my life. Weird shit. Maybe I’ll publish it one day.

    Writing can be a powerful tool, especially for self-knowledge. Reading this site and others has given me more valid information than I could ever explain.

    Also I want to add, I’ve been with plenty of girls, and have much experience when it comes to them, but nothing has led me to seek help until this one. Which led me to understand my own Game, how I did so well when I did, and how I failed when I didn’t, and furthermore, how it’s impossible to do well with a BPD.

    Her name is BPD. She is BPD. It is BPD. It has nothing to do with me anymore. Goodbye BPD. Now it’s time to write about who I am going to become. New hero for second novel, I suppose. Maybe that’s gonna be my way of dealing with it.

  36. Fred Rotten, feral1404 (Rob) from the posting way above – red-pilled at the age of 39 and lost in the desert for a great whille, until I started googling ‘oneitis’ (after a startling bad breakup – the kind I thought that I was way over at my age) and found Roissy, then Rollo, etc. I’ve never looked back.

    To MCM, follow Rollo’s advice and go ghost, but also rejoice, my friend… because you found this goodly advice WAY EARLIER than most of us, and you are just beginning to get a handle on it. Read ALL of the archives and really look at what they say, and you’ll be fine. There are always more girls on the girl tree.

    The most oft-written thing I’ve read on all these sites is the following: “I only wished I’d have known this stuff X years ago…” Well YOU have the knowledge now, at a very young age, so learn it and live it, and even though you may get burned again (it happens to the best of us), it definitely won’t
    be because you weren’t alpha enough.

    I should have listened closer to what my grandfather said when I was little, and it went thus: “Boy, girls are like flowers; they’re everywhere and they smell good and look pretty, but when you pick one, they die on you.”

  37. It’s hard to come away from your posts feeling anything less than pessimistic. But painful self-awareness and a thorough understanding may just be the first step.

    Also great suggestion/solution by Solomon. Even though society may see it one way, any change must occur on an individual level. Take your authority back in your relationships, and be comfortable with being an exceptional example for others.

  38. @ feral1404 and MCM

    MCM: You sound like a real smart kid. Your above-average mind and talents have helped you to make some rational, intelligent sense out of our often confusing, but yet sublime, human nature. My guess is that your intellectual gifts have been built upon a solid foundation of a keen sense of justice, an eye for beauty, and an inherent grasp of cause and effect. But now, my friend, you’ve been thrust into an arena of pure CHAOS and ARBITRARINESS by the hand of a broken female. So DON’T OVERTHINK IT, and don’t OVERTHINK ABOUT IT. Yes, your mind is yearning to make sense of it all, naturally… but it’s a battle you best walk away from for now. And I say this NOT as to suggest some sort of weakness on your part. But rather you’re going to lose your mind (and your dignity) by trying to make sense of a broken girl with a miswired brain who gets all her social cues from watching television shows and movies about gay vampires.

    And GET RID OF THOSE PICTURES. If you can’t bring yourself to get rid of them permanently, then put ALL that shit on a disk or one of those USB dealies, and put it away in a lockbox. Look, I’m SERIOUS. I’m going to be perfectly frank with you: either you remove the pictures and videos and sex toys and letters, etc., from your immediate surroundings and put them in an inconvenient place, OR, you can hold on to them and therby feed the pain, chaos, arbitrariness, and confusion til you have a gun pressed against your head. There’s no middle ground here. If you decide to keep all that shit around, you might as well run a razor blade down the side of your salt-dipped thumb, because that’s what you’re in for. PUT IT IN A LOCK BOX AND GET RID OF IT FOR NOW. Redirect those mischievous desires into your writing and learning and unplugging… otherwise you will have to confront—then deal with—the awful truth that you’ve given over your mind, soul, and self-control to a sub-person who, despite appearances, amounts to no more than a legal form of child.

    GO DARK.

    feral1404: That’s the right attitude… never look back. Also, I wish I would have listened closer to what my grandfather was saying, too. I loved him deeply, but I was a kid. I just wanted to go out and play. I miss him.

  39. Damn MCM, your story reminds me of my experience with my psycho-BPD-ex girlfriend whom I wasted over a good year of my life with when I was 21-22. She was absolutely fucking amazing in bed but the unnecessary drama, the emotional rollercoaster ride, manipulation, violence between her & I, the loss of friends and family just wasn’t worth it. You’ve gotten some really good advice so far. I’d add that it took some work and time to patch up family relationships but it was and is very possible.

    The best thing you can do is walk away from this situation completely with head held up high. I ended up moving across the country and starting over. It won’t be easy, this kind of change never is. One of the things I learned from my relationships is that when it’s over make sure it’s over and move on. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. No phone calls, letters, emails, lose her phone number, any contact. Hell, I’d even take all the photos that have anything to do with her and throw them all away. Develop yourself, read as many books as you can, travel, pick up a hobby or two or three. Go get yourself healthy, body, mind, and soul and worry about the relationship stuff later.

    The good news is you’re 23, have your whole life ahead of you, and more choices available to you than ever before. And you’ve got a fair number of guys whom you can go to for advice. Seriously. Rollo, Dalrock, and most of the posters are a real resource. Draw upon on it you won’t be sorry.

  40. @ Stingray

    …And THEN, after the reader’s emotions have been brought to a sufficient broil, thereby putting him/her in a vulnerable mental state, the REAL reason for the article’s existence… “BUY MORE CRAP!” The medium is the message!

    I’ve read on a number of occassions (can’t site, sorry) how engaging in emotion-triggering media sets up us suckers, I mean, *viewers*, into a state of vulnerability, which makes us more open to, and less resistant towards, commercial messages. And it must work beautifully, considering the open sewer that is the mainstream media.

  41. I haven’t dealt with anything as extreme as you are describing, but I do have some advice.
    1. do not put anything in recordable format whether it be a letter, text, email, voicemail
    2. get a lawyer
    3. don’t give in and don’t show fear (it lets them know they have power over you)

    Be grateful for one thing especially: you do not have a child with this woman. Keep in mind that the truth always comes out eventually. Stick to what is right and you need never worry about your reputation. As to your family, anyone who creates divides between you and people you are close to is a red flag you’ll never miss again. As the other poster said, those relationships can be repaired. It will take time though. COURAGE and STRENGTH!

  42. hypergamy is not outside, it is in our very bodies. Our bodies are made to qualify for women. We are constatntly showered with emotions to facilitate that. Given all the informations and knowledge, would any sane man sign the marriage contract? I dont think so. It is up to as to manage this and become free. Majority of men are nothing but poor slaves to women all their fucking life. They are slaving feminine purpose – first qualify to her to be worthy of her pussy, then marry her to be worthy of her pussy, then make children to serve her mission, then buy bigger house, then keep her as happy and as satisfied as possible to prevent the robbery of this very house and children and then…slowly die.

    I see this every time – guys are behaving like little poor clowns, their wife decides upon their fate. Wheter they are allowed to do this or that is completely up to her. I have to admit that natural state of man must be slavery. Free man is managing women ´cos he has managed his emotions, his very body, before. He is not the slave, he is not serving feminine purpose.

    Our adversary is not women per se. It is our very body and its emotions. Manage this and we have freedom. After freedom everything – including women, comes to you. On your terms.

  43. There is a third way. Manly way. Become free. Alpha and beta – just two names of poor slaves. Their very definition is dependent of women – women decide. If they like him – he is alpha, if they do not – he is beta. His values is determined by women.

    Beta does his bets to please women, alpha does need to do, ´cos women do their best to please him. Then some car accident happens or alpha become jobless or some women catch him and domesticates him…and suddently he is doing his best to please his wife – obese stupid pussy.

    Free man does not answer the question whether girls do their best to please him or not. This is the difference. He can not be manipulated cos his happiness and freedom comes from within. He is in control of himself and subsequently, he is in control of women. If she wants to leave, she can. Not because he has other “plates” like some drug addict that can not be without his dose/pussy. Because he is satisfied, with or without her.

  44. This is a great article, and I wish more men would read this kind of straight talk. I’m writing one right now about a conversation I overheard at a restaurant between three married (or recently divorced) men. I wanted so bad to go introduce them to the manosphere.

    “Yes, dear”….”Yes, honey”

    A happy wife makes a happy wife. Nothing more.

  45. This weekend Good Luck Chuck and I went to a dockside restaurant for lunch. There was funny bumper sticker on the wall which said “I’m the boss my wife said I could be.”

  46. Thanks again for everyone’s help and comments. And also for pointing me to Dalrock, I never read his stuff until now, and it’s great.

    Brief update: she sent me a text this morning. From the preview I can see it’s nothing hurtful, but appears to be a hook to lure me in. I won’t read it, nor open it, but will keep it for court to see, as well as her missed calls. That way they know I have not contacted her, nor tried, and she has after she put the order in. And it’s only been one week since the break up, and I believe four days since served the restraining order.

    I’m getting an attorney tomorrow. Wish me luck.

    Also, what do you all think of Shark’s blog solvemygirlproblems?

    I found all of these sites after first finding his, at least I think he was first, or CH…

    Good day.

  47. Oh, and is there an easy way to find your archives? Like, an index with all of it them in one long list by title of links or anything similar? Apologies if there is one, I just haven’t looked yet.

  48. Can someone suggest an achiever/downloader which can save the posts in PDF for offline reading?

  49. No but using Chrome, you can open the comments on an article first then right click and save as a webpage or in IE, similarly, select file from the menu, then “save as” web archive. You’ll get a local copy of the page saved for reference that you can open without needing internet access.

  50. Thanks man but I found this
    http://blog2book.pothi.com/
    Apparently You can same a blog as a book.(PDF).But its limited to 100 posts.So it’ll take 2 PDF’s for this blog etc.
    Rollo,I think there is a wordpress plugin that allows viewers to save the posts as PDF. Can you embed that?

  51. How ’bout telling the guy, “I bet your pants fit better now that she keeps your ball sack in her purse.”

  52. I thought the desire to get my rocks off with as many women as possible was called “origami.” Huh. The things one learns.

  53. I was sitting in my living room watching television the other day when I saw something that made me think of this discussion. I live in a 1st floor apartment right next to a walk path so I often see people walking by. Anyways, a young couple walked by and it was THE GUY pushing the stroller with the baby/toddler in it while the woman just walked solo. I then remembered when I was recently in a downtown urban setting I had seen the exact same thing. Men pushing strollers, men with their toddlers strapped to them in little sacks. I couldn’t recall any women holding the kids or pushing the strollers.

  54. Pingback: The Enemy is Us «
  55. I don’t really understand the last section concerning the “Abdication Imperative”. It was a little unclear, I thought. Is your proposition such that society has instituted a convention whereby men acquiesce to their wholly conditional position in relationships with women, lest they be discarded in favor of a replacement who will comply? If so, I got that much out of it, but I know (I think?) you had other ideas in there. No offense, but the last half of this post was some of the most obfuscated writing I’ve seen. Could use a better explanatory style. Maybe define your terms and premises a bit more clearly.

  56. So after reading more and more about how women treat men. I found all this webs sites after a mate of my said I should read soem articles.
    There is no way for women like me to go, because as you say most men are beta and yes dear males……sooooo upsolute yuk.
    I am sick and tiered of all this princesses all around me. But also I am sick and tiered of males who follow them and like to rescue them. Does no one sees it is a game???? I am a mother of two males, I am frightend for my boys. I will teach them all there is to survive in this mindfield of females. It makes me sad to be a female when I am reading all this.
    Cheers

  57. Just read Fred Rotten’s post. It described my life to a T. Her dumping me happened inevitably when she had no more use for me, exhausted my resources, and traded up to her new boyfriend/mule. Reading these posts have made me realise exactly how much I bought into the whole “emote more, get in touch with your feelings and open up your defences” BS that has done more to harm men in the last 20 years tan prostate cancer.

    Glad I came here.

  58. Rollo –

    I’m glad I finally found a site like this after all I’ve been through. Your writing is the exact equivalent of the sunglasses in THEY LIVE; a lens through which all the lifelong suspicions finally become blindingly, horrifyingly clear. Thanks for leaving the light on and the door open.

  59. The idea that hypergamy drives women to be in charge of the relationship (instead of trading up for a better partner) is a new concept for me.

    Why would she stay in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy her hypergamy needs? I’ve seen this happen and the female just takes charge as you say.

    Please expand.

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