“You’re such a nice guy,..”

I was once included in an interesting conversation about a certain group of women’s inability to find a “nice guy”. The 6 women were all very concerned with the state of contemporary men and the dearth of guys available to them now that felt they’d matured and needed to be appreciated for their readiness to settle down and start a family (see, post-wall, 35+ demographic).

“What is it with men these days? It’s like they’re all self-absorbed jerks now.”

“I know, but I think it’s just another indicator of how messed up society is now.”

“Yeah, why can’t I find a Nice guy? Is that too much to ask for?”

“Rollo, what happened to men? Where are all the Nice guys?”


“Back in your 20’s where you left them.”


The Nice Guy Space-Time Continuum

Girl age 16: “You’re such a nice guy.”

Translation: ” I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a bitch to my friends, but I’m really much more attracted to Bad Boys – outlaw bikers, the football team’s quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You’re Nice, nice and mundane”

Girl age 22: “You’re such a nice guy.”

Translation: “Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You’re really sweet, and deserve a girl  (which isn’t me) who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are.”

Girl age 28: “You’re such a nice guy.”

Translation: “I know you’ve always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it – any sane guy would’ve found a far better prospect by now. And while I’m beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I’ve dated, I think I’m gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up”

Woman age 32: “Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”

Woman age 35+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

Translation: “Oh, you’re a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can’t appreciate your kind of dedication – you are so different from “other guys””.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

56 comments on ““You’re such a nice guy,..”

  1. Yeah – I was once that guy.

    You forgot the part about holding her hair out of the way while she was puking in the toilet at the party..

    “Thanks – that was *nice* of you to do that for me!”

  2. I really wish someone had the drive to create a “before and after” website of women at 18, 24, 28 and 34 — watching the Wall hit a good portion of them sometime between 24 and 28.

    A grandmother of a gal pal from high school (who has since passed away) used to tell said gal pal “You should get a man NOW, you won’t have that chance in a few years.”

    Granny was right, but having photo evidence to share with both females and males would likely deprogram society faster. Hell, maybe I should make a reality TV show called “She: then and today” with filming just 5 years apart.

    1. Easy A.B. just check out starlets from the 80’s, 90’s to now. Might be harder then the average woman but you can see women who pride themselves on looks age ie. Demi Moore, Phobe Cates, etc.

      To OP: It’s funny to read these posts Rollo because I use to be the “nice guy” and have friends who fit the “nice guy” role. It’s amazing to see how women operate with my friends compared to myself. The thoughts women spew out; I laugh, and say to myself those men you say you want are in the friend zone where you are leaving them as a plan B,C, etc.

    2. Thankfully, Facebook is already on such a task with their new “timeline” feature.

      Now we just need to sit and wait a few years.

    3. http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=126811123&page=60


      Don’t read while eating. Or while hoping to have a boner sometime in the next week. So depressing.

      Why don’t guys want to marry these “beautiful, accomplished, sexy, incredible, incredibly skilled, affluent, athletic women” now that they’re done sucking a bunch of cocks and are ready to settle down with a Nice Guy??? Come on guys, man-up!!!

      1. It’s a game to me and my friends…see how far down the page you can get before you blow chunks. I only got a little past half way.

      2. those forum threads are depressing, but not surprising. most of the girls in their ‘before’ shots had already started down the path to fatness.

        if you take an already thickish high school girl and add a few years of college drinking and eating crap food, fatness is inevitable.

  3. Woman age 32: Why can’t I just find a Nice Guy?

    Translation: My jerk ex BF/ex husband left me with this 4 year old rugrat, a stack of bills and a broken down car. Well, actually, I kicked him out, but who’s keeping score? I’m screaming toward The Wall at Mach 3, I can feel my eggs dying and my body shriveling up, and I need a beta provider yesterday. But they don’t tingle me like alpha douchebags do, so ….

  4. Good post, succinct & to the point.
    Wonder if any women are able to link up what they say with the translation?
    I suspect not: Hamsters are adept enough to toss a frothy bit of indignant spew on the neural transmitters.

  5. Hahaha. Love it.

    Man, I love the way hamsters behave when they’re given very real proof of how the wall hits everyone via facebook. We haven’t had it long enough to go from college girls to 40 year olds all on it that whole time, but some of the older women posting younger photos of themselves….. Its telling.

    Even more hilarious is the older women using photos atleast 10 years old as profile pictures. Or baby photos. Good job at hiding the damage of the wall behind the past.

    It should be enough to inspire the fear of God into women, but yet it still doesn’t.

    1. Leap:

      The part about facebook really is true. Go read Rollo’s post on that. It’s really something.

      I’m in my mid 40’s, so college for me was more than 20 years ago. It is really something to look at FB profiles and see how hard and fast some have hit The Wall.

      1. deti,

        It’s even more telling when you see these 35+ old women who denied you in their teens and twenties add you on FB after being successful in game and life.

        1. Gentlemen, FB is a hoot.

          I was a nerdy guy in high school, 35+ years ago. Few of the girls i went to school with would give me the time of day.

          Now, the ones who were hot then are sending me Friend requests. Many are still attractive (for mid-50s women), but I’m getting the same action with gals in their mid-30s. Too easy by half.

      2. Yeah Deti, its pretty hilarious.

        My mother was scandalized when I told her one of her great friends who’s younger than my mom and only 5 years older than me warrants a 6 or 7 instead of the 10 she and my mom thinks she does.

        Friend is 33, divorced, single, career girl with a liberal arts education who is considering going and getting an MFA in Opera singing (she was successful and used to tour before she got married and went into the career thing).

        She’s in great shape from exercise, but started hitting the wall early. Started wearing lots of make up in the last year, having to diet to stay the same weight, and I automatically take off points for anyone divorced, single, and with the background she has. When I explained it to my mom she was shocked because she suddenly had a hard time arguing with my logic on why the girl is still single despite her ticking biological clock.

  6. There are synonyms to nice.
    Like a Teddy
    Down to earth
    Haha….The worst one is Humble……that’s what I got.

  7. Many of the “nice guys” are dorks and they act quite feminine, so it’s not surprising form a genetic attraction stand point that women are not attracted to nice guys. It would be like telling a man to be attracted to a chubby lady just because she has a nice personality. It’s similar when a thin model puts on a fat-suit to look obese and guys look at her disgustingly. Nice guys (not having to do with kindness, but with a lack of masculinity) say in a pathetic way that they want a girlfriend, but when told to exercise/approach women, they will often get upset and say they don’t want to do those things. It’s not called “Game: How to become a Nice/Wussy guy to get girls,” so if those nice guys (there’s so many it might be around 95% of guys) did not act like dorks in their 20’s, then maybe they could have gone out with those women back then. At least with women we know even if they say they want a nice guy that they really don’t, and I’m cool with this because I’m a high value masculine man who gets with beautiful women anyway. I also have risen above saying women are bitches, as many women are attracted to me and if a woman ever was rude to me I would walk away to my next options, and I also don’t confuse high-sensuality with disrespectful bitchiness as many guys do either, so I now have basically no issues with possible bitches (and now never even verbally call any women a bitch like overly-touchy nice guys often say) because I’m strong/in control of the interaction/unreactive and maintain a fun/sensual/positive vibe. Being a man I often even find it pathetic to deal with super-nice/wuss-guys (some of whom are not even genuinely “nice” when they get angry behind other peoples’ backs) who sound more feminine than most women or who don’t comprehend gender dynamics and constantly throw an upset pitty-party. I don’t feel bad for these dorky/wussy/”nice guys” one bit.

  8. I’ve adopted your “you left them behind in your 20s” for my last time hanging out with the boys joking about chicks around our age (late 20s, early 30s):

    “Where are all the good men?”
    “You left them behind 20kg ago.”

    You’d think they’d try to keep in shape if they’re so desperate to snag a man, right?

    There are still suckers who would take those chicks but their numbers dwindle day by day.

  9. So, game then is the antidote to a dead end world view (fem-centric) that co opts the nice guy. Game equals survival skills that benefit men in having productive interaction with the opposite sex. So, game can be distilled down to a counter intuitive understanding of the female imperative and the biology behind it…yesterday I was in a meeting with the CTO and a few women…CTO makes very slight off handed sexist remark then backslides…the matrix is strong.

  10. Every high school kid should read this. However I suspect it’s like the Oracle of Delphi. They won’t understand it.

  11. “You’ll make a good husband.” is the post-wall, 2.2 kids, crossover SUV, 2800 sq ft house in the good school district, hooks kidney deep into a beta provider equivalent. Heard this from the “camp moms” a few times at the summer camp I worked at in high school. They would often bring it up shortly after I’d get discouraged seeing the fresh out of juvie dark triad asshole, destined to pump gas between his prison stints, with all the camp’s suburban tartlet teenagers hanging all over him.

    In many ways it is more insidious than “nice guy” because its warping a statement that was once effuse praise, but is now a indictment of one’s lack of manhood if uttered by any woman born after 1950. Seeing those poor henpecked husbands get wrung out by women who spent all day playing with children was a major red flag moment in my life. THIS was the reward for two decades of responsibility and conscientiousness all the while getting your heart strings pulled like a marionette?

  12. Simple, short, true.

    “The 6 women were all very concerned with the state of contemporary men and the dearth of guys available to them now that felt they’d matured and needed to be appreciated for their readiness to settle down and start a family (see, post-wall, 35+ demographic).”

    While complaining that all the guys around them being self-absorbed jerks right now, they still can be proud of the self-absorbed jerks they fucked in droves as these guys are what makes these ladies appreciate a nice-guy now…

    My hamster just had a stroke. Dead.

  13. Man is so constructed that he does not believe a stove is hot unless he touches one.

    Woman is so constructed that she does not believe every single stove it hot until she touches it. She finally gets the message after her hand has burned off.

  14. Tell a girl she’s “cute”…it has the same impact as being called a “nice guy”…

    1. That reminds me of a good story. I once met a woman online. She sent me some photos and asked me what I thought. She was pretty but too chubby for me — she needed to drop 15 pounds. “You’re really cute. You look so huggable and squeezable.” Her hamster went into overdrive, “What does that mean? Does he like me or not? Did he just call me fat?” She got friend-zoned and then dropped.

      She contacted me again 9 months later to tell me how she had lost 15 pounds.

  15. My former beta self blew out a 1 year in October because I somehow imagined that mr nice guy can fix it. And mr nice guy begins to backslide down this fem-centric modality and used the beta nice guy playbook only to now realize how the attraction evaporates all the while getting cross-haired by hypergamy…ex is now in a race aginst the wall, reving up to mach speed in a reboud…ex meet wall. http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com

  16. Wife age 26: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    I don’t know why I married you, and I am now about to correct that mistake.

  17. I learned early that being a “nice guy” was for chumps and never looked back. Although I do admit to not having any patience for females around my age when in high-school – they were too much of a tease. I was strictly on a diet of older, married, women at that time. They were a LOT easier to come by, and didn’t play as many games – basically, it seemed if you could find a time when husband and/or kids were out of the house, you could bang them with wild abandon. To this day, the oldest woman I ever had sex with was when I was seventeen and she was forty-eight. I leaned that the key to any woman is to not invest any real time in them, or put up with their non-sense. If you are willing to punt on them, it seems like you become the man that they MUST have.

  18. “I have risen above calling women bitches…”

    Dude, you are so transparent. I’m man enough to call a bitch a bitch and a punk a punk.

    Scott = woman…

    or just a fake ass pussy whipped punk.

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  20. Woman age 42+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    “I enjoyed (not really) sucking that for you. I love you but I’m not in love with you… In fact, I find you kind of annoying and mundane. Since you are a Nice Guy you will understand I have other needs and you are not part of them (by far). I will take half of all your shit and the kids (who were never really yours) and you will have to support me for life. Thanks for being part of the plan… You are such a Nice Guy. You will understand”.

  21. So how do you respond to the 35+ woman who is presenting you with a consolation prize at the best?

  22. if you’re being a nice guy to get laid…you’re not a nice guy. And you’re probably worse than a bad boy. At least bad boys are masculine. You”re a wimp and a misogynist at the same time..wow what a catch you must be.

  23. I was the ‘nice guy’ in high school and got passed over time and time again. Went to my HS reunion and was the center of attention for several women as they finally figured out the type of guys they had been going for are jerks. All it took was a decade or two. In my opinion, women focus on the type of guy they first find are self assured, at my HS it was exclusively the jocks and the loudest ones were the most clueless (they ALL ended up in manual low paying jobs). The smarter girls finally realize the guys they passed over are the better one and try to make up for lost time.

    1. I would argue that those women have entered their epiphany phase and are only focusing attention on you because they realize that the Alpha men they used to be able to compete with their sisters for aren’t attracted to them.

      Women’s sexual strategy focuses on two things Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks. While they’re in high school/college Alpha Fucks takes priority. At 29-31 they realize they need the long term security of a Beta provider.

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