Guilt of Conceit

The Grue on SoSuave had a recent encounter with a rebounding woman that I found interesting. Have a read of his story for the details, but suffice it to say that date #2 pretty much killed the vibe. Over all I think he handled the situation by the book, but this last part I wanted to riff on,..

Irene called again on Sunday to apologize for her behavior during our date…I was cool with her but cordial. Then she repeated that she had “nothing to offer…” and I replied that I am more than cool with that because I like to be with people who have something to offer…and then I said goodbye….[ed. Nails!]

She then sent a text message about 2 hours later saying

“I wish I weren’t afraid and could give you an opportunity with me! Thanks for understanding!”

I guess she just couldn’t resist getting a jab in…I don’t think I’ll reply at all…

Grue played this perfectly, but this last text wasn’t a jab, it was meant to affirm for herself that she’s still a good person. Think back to your plugged-in AFC experiences. Ever wonder why a woman who not only rejected you, but completely disrespected your efforts to prove you were the perfect boyfriend felt compelled to making things right after the rejection? Women cannot bear the thought that someone, somewhere might think they’re a bitch, psychotic, or may not actually like them “for them”. It’s like they can’t sleep at night knowing that someone doesn’t like them. Proportionally this can be attributed to women’s innate need for attention and the fear of social ostracization they learn in early childhood, but it goes a step deeper than this.

The problem is that when a woman seeks your post-rejection understanding it’s not a genuine contrition for women. The average guy thinks, “wow, maybe there’s more to her than I thought if she’s self-aware enough to be apologizing to me”, but the latent purpose is to make herself feel better knowing that ‘you’re cool with her’. The apology is for her, not you.

Even for men that a woman has no sexual attraction for, women will still look for this confirmation of their likability.

This is a very common dynamic for women when a Man outright refuses an LJBF rejection, or he ‘goes dark’ on her with a No Contact cutoff. From a behavioral perspective, she’s seeking to reestablish the reward of his attention (which she didn’t have to earn previously), but beyond that she’s looking to protect her ego by getting him to agree with the ‘correctness’ of her assessment of him in having rejected him.

I can do better

Whenever a woman decides that a man isn’t worth her investment of intimacy, she’s making an estimation of him. That estimation may come immediately in that she’s not physically attracted to him, or as part of a process of evaluating his personality, status, social intelligence, social proof, provisioning capacity and/or any number of other criteria, but the end result is always based on the same hypergamous question: “Can I do better?” which is really the root fundamental of every shit test.

Answering this question with a ‘Yes’ will always involve a certain degree of self-conscious conceit for a woman. And because there are only two parties involved in her rejection (her and him), she has to reconcile for herself having come to the conclusion that ‘she can do better’, with the guilt of being conceited enough to reject the guy. As I stated, this is by order of degree; if a guy is so repulsive to her, if she has perceptually better options available or if she’s more predisposed to sociopathy in general, this guilt of conceit may simply be a non-issue for her to internalize. However, if a man has invested himself in being accommodating, sweet, generous and interested in her, this guilt of conceit will be more pronounced, thus requiring her to seek reconciliation for herself and affirmation from him that “she’s not a bad person” for having concluded that she ‘can do better’.

Right about now you’re thinking, “that’s great Rollo, but how do I benefit from this?” Two ways, first being knowledge is power – understanding women’s internal process and the predictable ego-preservation that results from it will give you a much better gauge in reading a woman’s interest level. It’s part and parcel of the Medium being the Message, so be pragmatic in understanding when you’re being rejected and that her pseudo-contrition is NOT a fresh sign of interest or regret on her part. Men with the best grasp of Amused Mastery are the ones who’ve learned women’s internal processes to the point of predictability – and thus find it amusing.

Second, and more useful, is manipulating that process (assuming the reward is actually worth it). Doubt is a key element in stimulating a woman’s imagination about you. Understanding the dynamic of women’s guilt of conceit from the outset will help in consolidating her interest in you. Hypergamy demands resolution so powerfully in women that evolution has hard-coded it into their subconsciousness. But the enemy of hypergamy is doubt; it’s the guess work that women have to do and the subsequent rationalizations for the decisions based on that doubt that confounds hypergamy. If you suspect that a woman is beginning to find you too accessible, adjust your Game to stimulate doubt.

21 comments

  1. I’d respond to a chick saying those things with insults.

    “Really? That’s the best you can do?”

    “You can’t be with me because you’re afraid?”

    “If you really function with so much fear that you can’t get with someone you like, then you really *don’t* have much to offer.”

    “I’ll give you one more chance to shake it off and get it right.”

    “That sounds like something some weasel-dude would say”

    “If don’t have the guts to shoot straight with me, at least don’t feed me that bullshit. Unlike you, I have the balls to handle straight talk.”

    I’d be rough this way because there’s nothing to lose, and that shit would work. I’d challenge her and rip on her and verbally stiff-arm her.

    She’d be back to my house, same day.

  2. Agree with unbowed. You’re better off opting for silence. A man’s #1 weapon when it comes to females is attention and lack thereof. In this instance a response of any kind only tells her that you are still invested in a potential outcome with her. The content of your response means almost nothing; it’s the fact that you took the time and effort to say something back that will feed her ego.

  3. Fail. This woman was essentially giving him the soft rejection, “It’s not you, it’s me.” If you respond bitter or angry or try to reject her back, her hamster will climb down off the wheel and kick back with a Mojito. The hamster’s work is done. You’ve just confirmed the correctness of her choice.

  4. Amazing….Simply Amazing.Your blog saved my life…i was such a beta.Its just been one week since i took the red pill and i can clearly see.I enjoy reading the whole manosphere,but your blog is my favorite.Keep up the good work.
    Rollo,can you do a post on girls who were once fat and are now hot and girls with daddy issues.Never seem to get those.

  5. I agree with Ace – this is my favorite manosphere blog too. It’s like a PUA blog with practical application and a clear view of the tenets behind game. Once you know the tenets, it becomes easy to organize your game around them, and you really don’t need all those expensive PUA materials out there to get good. I don’t agree with everything, but, there’s no better blog out there on these subjects. Rollo “teaches a man to fish,” so they can “feed themselves.”

    This post was one of those “aha!” types I come across so often on this blog that clearly explain why I experienced something with women in the past. I always wondered why some girls would go out of their way to be nice to me after they rejected me, and felt like they were leading me on or something. Now I know why they did that.

  6. “In this instance a response of any kind only tells her that you are still invested in a potential outcome with her. The content of your response means almost nothing; it’s the fact that you took the time and effort to say something back that will feed her ego.”

    Absolute gold, and I can concur from experience.

  7. Will also add that in the context of a disagreement/fight, intelligent girls are the masters of texting something so absurd and easily refutable that you will feel duty-bound to your innate love of Reason and Truth to reply…but:

    IT’S A TRAP!

    I will admit that I still struggle with it at times…

  8. What about intenionally feeding the hamster a poisoned speedball by replying with.

    “I think have much to offer to the right guy and you shouldn’t just settle until you meet him.”

    Kind of a “agree and amplify” ploy as long as you are wary of her trying to set you up for another fall.

  9. Women who are on the “rebound” should only be FWB’s at most. I learned this lesson quite early in college.

    To much baggage

  10. All those responses sound like they’re from a guy with no options. Women flake. It’s like taking a shit; it’s natural.

  11. Never. Unless you’ve already fucked and you’re just mocking her to solidify your full-Nelson on her psyche.

  12. Is it ALWAYS “Can I do better?” What about when they’re both married to other people and all are good friends? And her story is that the guilt just became too much for her to bear? And she’s also TERRIFIED of her husband’s reaction if they were caught? I personally think it’s STILL a changing of feeling for the guy. What she once felt was worth it, she now feels no longer. But you hafta admit, it’s a different circumstance.

  13. “… the letter that you wrote me, made me stop and wonder why, but I guess you felt like you had to set things right …”

  14. Rollo spot on as always, but as far as Game goes, it is a FAIL for The Grue.
    He should have
    – “pumped his own state from within” during the second date, thus preventing her from ruinning it, which was a SHIT TEST,
    – ignore all her bullshit, keep her as a plate, until planets align

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