As loathe as I am about doing so, I’m forced to refer today’s post topic to Oprah.com’s essays on Sexual Fluidity. I wont do this often as Oprah is the crowned queen of feminine matrix-think. However, these articles outline a what I see as the nascent development of a new feminine social convention – sexual fluidity is the newly developing rational for late-life sexual and gender dissatisfaction for post-wall ‘New Women’ . I’ve already touched on how feminine social conventions and their latent purposes effect inter-gender relations in a few prior posts, and I have forthcoming posts dedicated to better outlining established social conventions and their functions, but I think this newly developing convention may be a great starting point in understanding how they evolve.
The most recent post over at Heartiste / Roissy’s (?) site enumerating the post-wall woes of Sinead O’Conner reminded me of an interesting phenomenon that has been gathering popular cultural awareness now for almost 4 years – the newly accepted convention of sexual fluidity. Quoting Sinead O’Conner here:
And further posts [from Sinead] brought more. Prospective lovers can be lesbian; may even, she conceded, be christened Brian or Nigel; but anal sex is non-negotiable.
As distracting as it is let’s ignore the anal sex reference for now, we’ll return to it later. Here we have an illustration of an otherwise heterosexual woman petitioning the general public for a sexual partner. Male or female, the gender is irrelevant to her, all that matters now is her sexual gratification. What we observe here is an example of what cognitive (see, touchy-feely) psychologists are terming sexual fluidity. This new concept revolves around the idea that a person’s sexuality can turn on a dime; it is essentially fluid and can change throughout a person’s lifetime and in accord with one’s conditions.
I don’t necessarily disagree with the psychology of this per se, only how popular, feminized, culture is conveniently turning this idea to the purposes of its own imperatives. Heterosexual male prison inmates can and often do resort to homosexuality during their incarceration and return to heterosexuality upon their release. This is in effect a sexually fluid response to solving a sexual release imperative under the conditions of being sequestered in a same sex environment for a long period of time. The conditions dictate the response.
Feminized culture has embraced sexual fluidity, but has rejected the underlying reasons for it. As a new social convention, sexual fluidity becomes less about conditions and more about the individual for women. For the post-wall, aging spinster, the concept of sexual fluidity is a godsend. As a rationale for her lackluster personal life it becomes a salve for her ego – homosexuality becomes a realizable, socially acceptable option. The true reason for her long term unhappiness is that she was, in actuality, an unacknowledged lesbian for all these years. And naturally, for all women, there is a wide base of emotional support from the sisterhood ready to embrace and accept the ‘real’ her. The necessity of accepting homosexuality as her only, conditional, sexual option becomes a new virtue to be proud of in Oprah-world. Never is there a mention that the choices she’s made in life had any bearing on her present condition, nor is there any doubt that the measures she’s now forced to resort to were dictated by those choices.
Now, before I get too far along on the anti-femme-train I want to point out that much of the reasons for constructing a social convention such as this have a lot more to do with the conflict between social conditions and our innate biomechanics. If you read through the article Why Women are Leaving Men for Other Women, you can’t help but notice the commonalities of the testimonies coming from otherwise feminine women being attracted to more dominant, masculine women. Often these come from long married-with-children women who’ve divorced their beta husbands in favor of a more dominant, butch, Alpha lesbian.
Ironically—or not, as some might argue—it is certain “masculine” qualities that draw many straight-labeled women to female partners; that, in combination with emotional connection, intimacy, and intensity.
“Men can’t understand why I want to be with Jack, a lesbian, when I could be with a biological man,” says Gomez-Barris. “And at first I thought it would be threatening, but I have a rebellious spirit. He’s powerful, accomplished, and appealing. And in some ways, the experience is better than in heterosexual sex.
So what are we seeing here? Heterosexual women, still crave the masculine dominance that men cannot or will not provide her. Thus, we see condition dictate response. Kind of explains Sinead O’Conner’s exceptionalism for lesbian anal sex now doesn’t it?
In 2004, after earning her master’s degree in counseling at Loyola University New Orleans, (Bridget) Falcon met April Villa, now 34, who works as a civil engineer for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. “April is a beautiful, feminine woman,” says Falcon, “yet she’s so much like a guy, analytical but not overly introspective, and, just like my dad, she likes to build things and can fix anything.”
What are the commonalities we see in each of these? Past-prime, mostly well educated women, each dissatisfied with an inability to attract and marry “powerful, accomplished, and appealing” men who attempted to ‘have it all’ by starting families with the only betas they could attract. Later in life they grow even more uncomfortable with the proposition of spending their remaining years with the herb they married and so opt out of the marriage for the growingly more accepted idea of “sexually flowing” into a homosexual relationship with a woman who qualifies as powerful, accomplished, and appealing, ergo traditionally masculine, that her former husband did not.
The advent of embracing sexual fluidity in women is an attempt by feminized culture to put a bandaid on a lingering problem. As western feminized culture progresses onward from the late 60s, more and more women are awakening to the disillusionment that the choice they made to participate as an ‘equal’ in a masculine world required sacrifices of her femininity. Sacrifices that most come to regret later in life. Between 35 and 45 women are increasingly feeling the repercussions of their attempts to ‘have it all’ or have HAD it all, yet are left wondering why they’re not satisfied in sublimating their expectations – betraying their uniquely female biomechanics – to play the role of the New Woman.
That consensus is growing, even in Oprah-world, so what to do? What feminism has always done, move the goalposts and redefine the game. Men, for any variety of shameful reasonings, are cast as incapable of living up to the standards of being powerful, accomplished, and appealing, but even if you regret having married one, and possibly brought children into the world, you can still have a second chance at ‘having it all’ thanks to sexual fluidity. It’s not him, it’s the undiscovered homosexual you that’s been repressed all this time. Never mind that those infantile men are too preoccupied with youthful sexuality to appreciate your post-wall physique, there’s a world of lesbian women out there ready to deliver on the promise of powerful, accomplished, and appealing masculinity that your man is incapable of. It’s not that neo-feminism was wrong in promising you a satisfying life, it’s just that you were really a lesbian all this time and either didn’t know it, or were a victim of the Patriarchy and were repressed from it.
The newest feminine social convention, sexual fluidity, simply attempts to patch one of the many the holes that’s sinking the New Woman’s ship. Feminized culture needs a reason for the masculine disappointment it’s systematically acculturated into society for the past 50 years.
Really enjoying the blog so far, been reading it all, but I think this post should have cut to the chase a little faster.
“The newest feminine social convention, sexual fluidity, simply attempts to patch one of the many the holes that’s sinking the New Woman’s ship. Feminized culture needs a reason for the masculine disappointment it’s systematically acculturated into society for the past 50 years.”
Bam. Would have liked to see this introduced better and some of the wall-o-text eliminated. Good stuff though.
You’ll have to forgive me. If I’m not succinct it’s usually because I think it’s necessary to show my thought process in coming to a perspective. While one short paragraph might be enough to sum the idea up for you, I assure you it wont be for the first rabid feminist to accuse me of making half-baked sweeping generalizations.
Stick to your style. Your in-depth articulation is something I’ve always found valuable in your comments. You are the deep thinking guy’s guide to this area. Sometimes, something cooking slowly in the crockpot for hours tastes much better then something fried up in 2 minutes. There is plenty of fast-food commentary out there on these issues.
I agree with Mike C. The reasoning is important, and you do it well. Don’t ever change.
I think you can improve, as there’s always room for improvement.
Just present your conclusions FIRST, then follow with the reasoning. That way all parties are satisfied: the ones who value succinctness post will have it, and those who want more explanation will also.
Rollo, I am not sure why men are so bothered by women in 30’s an 40’s choosing this way for themselves? I just don’t understand the pre-occupation with “old” women who do this. In fact, if young women are the only desirables to most men why even care about what old, past the prime women are doing? The fact is, they are making the most of their situations as would ANY human being. I find it hypocritical for men to focus on past prime women (who they don’t even want themselves) and hammer us for choosing a certain lifestyle for… Read more »
The point of bringing this to light was less about confronting the actual physical needs of past-prime women and more about the engineering of a social convention. I have no doubt that men or women will consciously or subconsciously do what their conditions dictate, however what I’m getting at here is the social/psychological constructs used to put younger women into positions that set them up for disappointment later in life – and then conveniently excuse it with freshly manufactured social conventions once the fallacies come to light. The definition of “fulfillment” is being written (and deliberately rewritten) by a feminized… Read more »
agree with Rollo. And stated another way, many young women follow in the footsteps of older women. If younger women suddenly “discover” their “latent lesbianism” in their 40s, that will bust up a lot of marriages and LTRs.
It’s a social construct that women can fall into, in large part because of the female herd mentality. If you ask a lot of women why they do what they do and why they date how they do, many of the answers you get fall along the lines of “Because that’s what my friends/family/cousins/sisters/coworkers do.”
Will this phenomenon increase then ?
And whatever else can be said, it all comes down to sex. After a while the gender specific perspective on sex, how men and women see sex, tends to converge when sex is absent.
And that convergence is essentially a loss of perspective, in that reckless irreverent pursuit of the next, non-masturbatory, orgasm …
what I’m getting at here is the social/psychological constructs used to put younger women into positions that set them up for disappointment later in life – and then conveniently excuse it with freshly manufactured social conventions once the fallacies come to light. Rollo I agree on this to a degree. Younger women need to be made aware that making bad choices early in their prime will result in having to make non ideal choices later in life. I also am disgusted by feminist culture and how it tells and encourages young women waste their youth and bargain their beauty with… Read more »
Touchy touchy Neecy. Don’t shoot the messenger. Rollo simply pointed out a cause and effect relationship. ME on the other hand…..I get a smug sense of satisfaction in seeing the final consequences of women making poor choices in life. Like it or not, a woman’s capital peaks when she is in her early 20’s and gradually declines thereafter, whereas a man’s sexual capital generally peaks in his late 30’s and can remain high for many years depending upon his social status. A woman who squanders her sexual capital is akin to a man who squanders his financial capital. I don’t… Read more »
“It isn’t going to do much good to open up the eyes of a bunch of 40 something spinsters who will never have grandchildren to pass these lessons to, but hopefully in the future the younger generation will start to realize the error of their ways before it is too late.” I understand this but then why not focus the message on younger women wasting their youth and beauty instead of berating the past prime women who have moved on with their lives? It just comes off as bitter when men focus on women they don’t even want instead of… Read more »
Schadenfreude is human nature.
Point taken, but men have every right to gloat. As far as I am concerned my life has been permanently affected by the decisions of women. I had little choice because women are the gatekeepers of sex and I have been stuck in this culture since I was born. If things had been different I would probably have followed in my father and grandfathers and great grandfathers footsteps and settled down long ago. Luckily I was smart enough to have been able to see that this could have easily been a raw deal for me so I chose to remain… Read more »
Honestly, I fail to see how revealing this dynamic is in any way gloating or how I’ve used any woman as a punching bag. If anything, my intent is to provide perspective so both men and women can avoid the pitfalls of social constructs they’re unaware of. I’m not waving some banner of masculist triumphalism, I’m providing a warning sign. That said, I have to admit I’m not surprised that you took this as some sort of gender based attack. For a very long time now feminization in society has fostered an intense ego-investment in the ideology, to the point… Read more »
“My intent was never to unqualifiably say post prime women are bad people, undeserving of love, but rather to say, “you’ve been had” and here’s why.” Cosign. Add to that, I would say to these ladies: “Actions and decisions have consequences. The consequences of your decisions are spinsterhood, cougardom, loneliness, status as washed up, used up and middle aged lonely has beens, no genetic legacy, and having no sexual options other than pump & dump. You have made your collective beds. Now you will have to lie in them.” It’s not gloating. It’s holding up these women as a cautionary… Read more »
Ok yes that makes sense. But is there really that many courgarish women out there? or are these women the results of early marriages that failed b/c they weren’t ready and now they have matured they find they aren’t compatible as they were years ago? I have a co worker who is really not that great looking and even chubby whose in her 30’s and has 2 kids with her hubby. The husband is a great guy engineer and not too bad looking. He’s a lot more reserved than she is and she often complains how “boring” he is. Then… Read more »
Great to see you blogging. I remember reading your comments on sosuave years ago when I first discovered all this stuff. I hope you’ll do some stuff on LTR type game. I think my relationship with my GF has the right frame, but there is always room for improvement.
Good stuff man. Subscribed.
Rollo makes a blog.
This article suggests a few things. 1. Women want that manly dominance. 2. Women will “flip” to obtain their sexual needs. 3. They will find a rationale to praise it, accept it, and tout it on the high alter of Oprah. Really, this is not much different then a bunch of women in a group reaffirming one another about their deepest feelings and lack of needs — the truth for women are, if you are so dead-set on being an independent and “strong” careerswoman, be prepared for chump-land — because you will inadvertently try and dominate every male that comes… Read more »
Rollo, I am not really speaking about your post. You seemed to have approached it from a levelheaded realistic standpoint without the name calling and cruelty. Forgive me if I am venting my frustrations here, but you did cover the topic and I knew I would be able to get some sense from you on why men focus on this with past prime women. But let’s face it there are blogs and men who relish in this activity to the point it comes off as gloating, bashing and being bitter (which is certainly not Alpha like behavior IMO). So I… Read more »
@ GLC Point taken, but men have every right to gloat. As far as I am concerned my life has been permanently affected by the decisions of women. *YOU* are in control of your life – not women. How can a woman affect your life? Have you taken account of the things you did or didn’t do as to why you haven’t achieved what you wanted in a relationship? *YOU* are in control of your life – not women. How can a woman affect your life? Have you taken account of the things you did or didn’t do as to… Read more »
[…] of course is that like should attract like. They fail to understand that opposites attract, and most women don’t want to marry other women, least of all a carbon copy of […]
Roissy said, “I do wonder, though, if the Chateau message is starting to infiltrate the borg collective; if perhaps a great cougar awakening is upon us. An aging single mom writes a blog honestly appraising her low SMV and the Darwinian brutality of the dating market for women like herself.” And I’ve heard a few others remark the same, of an awakening to the reality of their broken unfulfilled promises. But really, will there ever be a real awakening? Women can just keep on moving those goalposts.
Rollo, I am not trying to dictate to men what they should like as a woman. I am way beyond that and its completely pointless b/c people like what they like. But there are some things that make sense and things that don’t and other things that don’t typically work. I believe the definition of insanity is when one does the same thing over and over and expects a different result. When people start blaming others for why they haven’t succeeded its b/c they lack the ability or refuse to see the forest for the tree in their eye. No… Read more »
How can women control my life? If women are 50% of the mating equation and I was born into a society that has been polluting with the toxic feminist ideology since before I was born (which makes it difficult/dangerous to have a family with, and I happen to WANT a family), that means women do indeed have a lot of control. “Thing aren’t the way they used to be”…..that’s the whole point. Women today don’t want to get married and have a family until they are in their 30’s? Fine by me, but I don’t have to buy those damaged… Read more »
Chuck is mid to late 20’s too old? This seems to be the target ideal age many women desire marriage if u say mid 20’s to late 20s is too old then herein lies the problem.
You are missing the point. There is no magical age when a woman is too old. The upper limit can increase if a woman is feminine, takes care of herself and doesn’t slut it up in her younger years.
it’s funny, really, to think that ‘butch’ lesbians are better at masculinity than the genuine article. that whole butch-femme thing seemed so weird and retrograde to me (and the more pc factions of the lesbian community) before but now it all makes sense. those bulldykes were onto something.
GLC wrote: You are missing the point. There is no magical age when a woman is too old. The upper limit can increase if a woman is feminine, takes care of herself and doesn’t slut it up in her younger years. Ok so your argument is that no man wants to settle with some used up former skank? No arguments from me there. But nowadays that can be a woman at any age. I always believe a low caliber, promiscuous, or damaged woman will always show signs of something emotionally or mentally screwy. They are usually not very happy people,… Read more »
On one hand you say “Ok so your argument is that no man wants to settle with some used up former skank? No arguments from me there. But nowadays that can be a woman at any age.” On the other hand you say “When people start blaming others for why they haven’t succeeded its b/c they lack the ability or refuse to see the forest for the tree in their eye.” If you acknowledge that there is indeed a problem you have no business talking about how guys need to look to at themselves instead of blaming someone or something… Read more »
Legalize polygyny. And not the paltry four wives Islam allows, but as many wives as you want.
[…] reality agree with it’s doctrine. It’s been done before with the convenience of Sexual Fluidity. Blame men for not living up to the tenets of the “having it all” ideology and create a […]
really insightful and well written. i just learned something new.
For those who don’t know the reference about “the wall”, it’s a reference to the Wild E Coyote cartoons when he smashes into a wall, usually rocket propelled and at ludicrous speed. This can be in reference to her looks, fertility, or both. Often times when women have their WEC moment and hits the wall, it’s when she realizes she’s just cock hopped her prime resource away (her fertility) back when she should have been looking to start a family. See also: Marry Him! and similar warnings from older spinsters that now recognize they actually can’t “have it all”.
[…] Sexual Fluidity: If you read through the article Why Women are Leaving Men for Other Women, you can’t help but […]
[…] it’s in terms of Dom vs. Sub in sexually fluid relationships, or in terms of respect or social entitlement, Women want to be men. This is what 60+ years of […]
[…] men the culprit of their condition; never is the feminine imperative considered to be the cause. Sexual fluidity is another revisioning that absolves the FI from being the source of a woman’s […]
[…] in heterosexual relationships pushes masculinity into her domain. Dominant masculine partners in sexually fluid relationships are similarly, unironically, […]
[…] plurality. Although there may be behavioral permutations that women will use to achieve it, or the imitation of it, the underlying motivation of Hypergamy is the same for all women. It’s a hard-coded […]
[…] homosexual relations. I’ll admit to some hesitancy as well, however one of my earliest posts, Sexual Fluidity, addressed exactly how an evolved template for heterosexual gender roles is still the applicable […]
As if men don’t also make bad or shallow choices and should not suffer later in life for it.
Men have their 30s to make up for their 20s. Women are not so fortunate.
[…] in heterosexual relationships, pushes masculinity into her domain. Dominant masculine partners in sexually fluid relationships are similarly, unironically, […]
Yes. I have seen this trend lately. But I have seen it on women younger than 30 as well. I have seen coworkers turning into lesbians because they are so fed up with all of her whimpy beta orbiters. They are tired of trying to make them grow some balls without success. Now, you have to be careful with homosexuals (especially lesbians). Many of them will pick on your masculinity/redpill awareness and will become hostile. She will try to impose herself to you; like an insecure AMOG always trying to prove himself to his woman. Problem is that she is… Read more »
Dominate masculine performance.
[…] only be provided by men. This is a subconscious expectation of women. Even women who subscribe to sexual fluidity often seek a similar security from their masculinized dominant […]
[…] only be provided by men. This is a subconscious expectation of women. Even women who subscribe to sexual fluidity often seek a similar security from their masculinized dominant […]
@Neecy… people are either gay, bisexual, or straight. consciously changing (forcing) your sexual orientation to change in later life because you need certain needs fulfilled is different than the jailhouse phenom when men choose to be gay. free women make free choices. those men in prison don’t have a choice if they want a sexual release. living as a heterosexual woman all your life, having kids, etc. is one thing. but declaring that the whole time (in your younger years) you were actually gay and now want to live a gay lifestyle is bullshit. those women are lonely. those women… Read more »
[…] cultures where the populations still opt for gender normative roles. And even in sexually fluid relationships there is always a dominant and submissive […]
As I’ve been saying, almost no one is really inherently gay. Thank you for the insight.