Professional Mothers

It’s called birth control because someone is ‘controlling’ the birth.

There are presently 41 different types of contraception available for women, for men there are only 2 – vasectomy or a condom – your only line of defense against her ‘choice’. The only thing separating a man from a lifetime (not just 18 years) of interacting with the decider of altering the course of his life is a thin layer of latex.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #5
NEVER allow a woman to be in control of the birth.

Always have protection. I’ve had far too many guys hit me with the argument that they implicitly trust their girlfriends to be on the pill or whatever, and that she “doesn’t want kids” only to be an unprepared Daddy 9 month later after ‘the accident’. The only accident they had was not being in control of the birth themselves. In fact I’d argue that men need to use extra caution when in an LTR since the ease of getting too relaxed with her is present.

Accidental pregnancy is practically a cottage industry now. For a woman without education (or even with) and without means, an ‘unplanned’ pregnancy may be a pretty good prospect, especially when every law and social expectation weighs in her favor. These are Professional Mommies. When I counseld in Reno I knew a guy who married this woman who had 3 children from 2 Fathers who he himself had impregnated with her 4th. She was a Professional Mother.

Flush it

In 2002 the NBA issued a highly controversial and publicized warning to professional basketball players stating that players be advised to wear condoms when having sexual intercourse with women when on road games and to “flush the condom down the toilet” in order to dispose of the semen. This warning was the result of several paternity suits that year involving women these players had slept with by retrieving the condoms from the trash and ‘self-impregnanting’ themselves with the players semen. The NBA had enough occurrences of this kind to warrant a league-wide warning that year. All of these players are now 100% liable for the welfare of these children and their former partners by default because there are no laws protecting men from fraudulent pregnancies.

To what degree is protection implicitly implied? If a man does everything in his power to avoid a pregnancy (barring abstinence or a vasectomy) and can prove his intent and the woman still becomes pregnant, even by fraud, the man is still liable for that pregnancy. Women are 100% protected and men are 0% protected. I can even go so far as to quote you cases where a man marrying a single mother later divorces her and is still expected to pay future child support for a child he did not father – even without official adoption of the child by the man.

A lot of guys would like to make a moral issue of this but it’s not a question of right or wrong, it’s dealing with the facts of what IS in the environment we find ourselves in today. The fact of the matter is that unless men use prior discretion and take responsibility for the birth ‘control’, not allowing a woman to be solely responsible for it, he is 100% powerless. This means bring your own condoms and flush them yourself, and yes even (especially) in an LTR or marriage. That means standing firm even when she says “take that thing off I’m on the pill and I want to ‘feeeeel’ you.” Mothers want to be Mothers, otherwise they’d decide not to be. Single Mommies are far too common an occurrence to bet the odds with the rest of your life.

The sexual revolution had far more to do with the development of hormonal means of birth control than the legalization of abortion. Condoms have been around since before WWII, but even in the Baby Boom there were far less unwanted pregnancies or single motherhood than after the advent of the pill. The pill put the control of birth into the hands of women where before it was a man’s responsibility to put the rubber on and do so correctly if both wanted to avoid smaller versions of themselves running around the house.

The Choice of Professionals

Abortion rates skyrocketed in the decades after estrogen based birth control was developed, thus prompting a need for legal and clinical regulations of abortions as well as reforming paternity laws in the 70s. There had certainly been abortions (both the medical and back-alley variety) prior to this, but if you look at the increase in abortion statistics both before and after the advent of a convenient form of birth control moderated by the women taking it, it’ll blow your mind.

And now even with the vast variety of birth control methods available to women today and 30+ years of safe medical abortions, we still see an increase in single mother families and abortion rates. One would think that these statistics would be lower in light of all this modernization and the ‘leaps’ women have made culturally since the sexual revolution, but sadly no. In fact the single mother birth rate has climbed (adjusted for population) since a leveling off in the late 80s and abortion is just as popular as ever even when new methods such as the ‘morning after pill’ and RU286 are readily available. And conveniently, the social ills as a result are placed squarely on ‘dead-beat Dads’ rather than the women choosing to have the children.

This isn’t a scientific problem, it’s a cultural one. Mothers want to be Mothers. Men are only Fathers when a woman decides this for him even in the happiest of marriages. I think (hope) we’ll see second sexual revolution once a male form of hormonal contraception is tested and available, but you can bet dicks to donuts that every interested party from the religious to the feminist will fight this method’s release to the public at large and come up with every sort of veiled explanation for it’s demonization in order to put the agency of birth control exclusively into men’s control. I sincerely doubt men will “forget to take it” or have their ‘accidents’ in the numbers women do.

Controlling the Birth

It’s a much different task to put on a condom in the heat of the moment (reactive) than to simply swallow a pill in the morning (proactive). It’s arguable what the more difficult task is, to remember to take a pill in the morning or to apply a condom at the appropriate time. In the latter situation there are at least 2 people aware that a condom should be on prior to intercourse; is a woman equally an accomplice in her own pregnancy if she consensually has sex with a guy without a condom? They both know the assumed risks, however a woman forgetting to take her pill isn’t reviled as an ‘idiot’ or negligent as a man not putting on a condom.

Taking her birth control is up to her and rarely would a guy be certain on a daily basis that his partner was faithfully taking her pill. In fact to even ask about it would be presumptuous and bordering on rude if it’s a casual encounter. When a man and a woman fail to take the precaution of putting on a condom they’re both aware of it. When she fails to take her pill either accidentally or intentionally, she is the sole party responsible for that pregnancy, but in either case she decides the course of the man’s life should this occur.

The obvious answer is to put men in control of the birth – wear a condom. However the nature of mens birth control is reactive and even in the case where a man has the condom in his pocket, he can still be thwarted by her only saying, “don’t worry about it, I’m on the pill”; the control shifts the accountability never does.

Forgive me for belaboring the point, but there are no accidental mothers. Consider fertility statistics and that it takes a considerable amount of negligence for a woman to miss several pills on a regular basis to ‘accidentally’ become pregnant. One could also argue that even a couple engaging in condom-less sex could still be relatively confident that a woman wont get pregnant even if she’s missed several pills regularly. Again my point being that it takes effort to become pregnant. Even without any birth control at all and timing my wife’s ovulation cycles for our sex it took us 4 months to conceive our daughter. This is why I laugh at the accidental pregnancy excuse so common these days. If a woman wants to become pregnant she can do so with impunity and contrive any excuse she’d like about accidents, but the guy is an ‘idiot’ for not wearing a condom and taking responsibility for his actions, even if he’s led to believe she’s taking control of her contraception. Yet he is the one penalized both financially and socially because of her choice.


22 responses to “Professional Mothers

  • A.B. Dada

    100% agreed.

    When I was 11 or 12, my dad gave me a Penthouse magazine and told me “this is what women look like naked. You probably don’t care now, but in a few years, you will. If you ever see a naked woman up close, your mind will shut down, but always, always, always remember to wear a condom or your dick might fall off.”

    I got laid for the first time pretty young (with a condom) and always went full-coverage since. I want kids now, so I don’t use protection with my #1 (who is on the pill and she doesn’t want kids for a few more years), but with anyone else, I always wrap it up.

    Also, when finished, I make sure every wrapper has a used condom in it, toss it into a plastic bag and take it with me to dispose of. I’ve heard 2 horror stories in my life of gals getting pregnant from stealing the used condoms.

    Recommendation: go with a slightly larger/girthier condom for better sensitivity, and lube up your wang before putting it on.

  • pm

    Does it bother you that it seems like these young single mothers are taunting older women and men who are married to older women by having babies so easily yet the older couple has to try every single trick to get a 50/50 shot of conception within a year? It’s the ultimate irony to me that women who real want babies and can take care of them are the ones having trouble conceiving children, while the ones who are careless are popping out babies like a pez dispenser.

    I think that is part of the reason why older feminists hate younger women and the men who date them. They can accomplish a whole lot in the “misogynistic” corporate world and have more initials in her degrees than she can count, but those eggs in her uterus doesn’t care about that and won’t cooperate with her.

  • Sasha

    You completely forgot coitus interruptus. It has especially low failure rates when coupled with learning not to ejaculate most of the times.

  • Flahute

    Lube eh? like Astroglide? I’ll have to try that. I’ve been using the Skyns polyisoprene condoms. I have always found the latex smell distasteful.

  • Nummm

    I used coitus interruptus for about a year and a half with my ex girlfriend, no problems. Just make sure the shot goes in her mouth.

    Also:

    Enjoy.

    I also find it ridiculous that a woman can end a life/pre emptively prevent a life (depending on how you look at abortion) but I can’t get a doctor to give me a little snip snip because I have no kids yet, and am therefore too stupid to make any decisions regarding my body. I can buy a house, get a gun or any other myriad of thing, but the society we live in is so fem centric, I cannot be trusted to make a decision like getting a vasectomy, in case a woman someday wants to get pregnant with me.

  • Sam Spade

    Forgive my ignorance – we can’t get vasectomies if we want to? They’re legal, aren’t they? My dad and my uncle got one after so many kids.

  • pm

    I heard that some doctors don’t give vasectomies to young single guys.

  • saw

    Most doctors won’t perform vasectomies unless a man has his WIFES permission. Reason? They fear legal retribution from the woman.

    I found out this pertinent information in 1993 when I had mine done.

    After my followup appointment to make sure the procedure was successful I gave the good doctor an earfull.

    But hey, doctors as a group are no different than any other group of men. The vast majoity exist to serve women.

  • Rm

    Keep looking. Or try Planned Parenthood. Docs who will do this do exist.

  • Nummm

    I’m not sure if planned parenthood exists in Canada. I’ve asked a bunch of doctors about this, but no dice. Any idea where/how I should look?

  • Solo

    Great post, I find it mind boggling that most guys on their blogs brag about how fast they fucked some skank raw. I have deep disdain for single mothers and deadbeat dads maybe because in the black community its fucking out of hand to the point were finding a single black women with no kids who is over 21 is virtually impossible

  • deti

    I have heard this too. Urologists I’ve talked to make the man sign a detailed release indicating he knows that he can’t sire children anymore and that it’s irreversible barring an expensive operation. If he’s married, the wife has to sign the same release.

  • Nutz

    90% of all child support is paid on time. Of the 10% that isn’t, 80% of the men not paying up are poverty stricken. True dead beat dads are exceedingly rare in the grand scheme of things. Furthermore, women are bigger deadbeats than men are! Really, it’s true. I forget the exact percentages, but a higher percentage of women don’t pay than men. Good luck ever hearing about any of this in the mainstream media though.

  • Lele

    Doesn’t lube, along with a looser fit, make your condom more likely to slip away?

  • Lele

    Vasectomy can leave you with chronic pain for life, otherwise it would be too easy a choice (after freezing some sperm beforehand, of course).

  • Lele

    Vasectomy can leave you with chronic pain for life. Do your research.

  • Rm

    I’d rather have a daily kicked in the nuts feeling than end up as an unwilling father.

  • Xen

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reversible_inhibition_of_sperm_under_guidance

    This would be a game changer if it became commonly available. I first read about this procedure a few months ago, I think knowledge of it needs to spread among men. Though there appears to be little chance of it being approved in the US within the next few years, if it becomes commonly available in India I would be sorely tempted to travel there and undergo the procedure.

  • KD

    Rollo – I think you are a little guilty of solipsism here yourself. Stating that it took you and your wife 4 months to conceive while trying, therefore it must make it true that it always takes considerable effort for any woman to get pregnant leaving no such thing as an ‘accident’. That is not the case – especially with younger women who are most fertile (and usually the ones that end up ‘accidentally’ pregnant).

    But otherwise excellent post. I will be sending it to a male friend of mine who implicitly trusts his girlfriend to be the administrator of birth control even though she has explicitly said she wants kids asap and he does not (ever). Don’t you wish you could shake some sense into people?!

  • KD

    That post focuses on a higher age range than I assume you were talking about. As you’ve stated in many other posts, women’s ‘actualized’ sexual peak is about the ages of 22-24 and I assumed this was the age range in question. The age range where ‘accidents’ really can and do happen. It’s hard to believe that woman would still opt for ‘professional motherhood’ at around the 30 year mark – not that I’m disagreeing with you – just that at that age, you would hope some maturity would afford them the exemption of deciding their boyfriend/fuck buddy/husband’s/ONS’ life’s direction by forcing an (unwanted) child on them. Hypergamy at it’s best.

    Great Blog! I’m still making my way through the archives but it’s enlightening and terrifying all at once.

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