The Private Man Has Completed His Journey

The Private Man

It is with great sadness that I have to inform everyone that Andrew Hansen a.k.a. The Private Man has completed his journey as 9:27 PM April 3 2017.

As many know unfortunately his cancer had returned a few weeks ago and there was not much to be done to help him. He chose to face it head-on rather then try experimental treatments. His greatness and courage in the face of knowing his own moral demise is an inspiration for us all.

It’s a great loss for not only all that followed his writing and his teachings but for those of us who consider him a friend. His last days were as comfortable as possible and he passed peacefully.

I can only hope that he realized how many peoples lives he touched and we were all better for knowing him. As the saying goes “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because…

View original post 74 more words

30 comments

  1. “Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.” –Napoleon Bonaparte

    Andrew lived.

  2. John Lennon co-starred as a doomed WW2 soldier in “How I Won The War.” When his movie character is shot, he looks at the camera and says:

    “I knew this was going to happen. YOU knew this was going to happen”.

    At least Drew knew it was going to happen, stayed strong enough to have his last hurrah, and one hopes, bask in some of the good thoughts and gratitude coming his way, mine included.

    Glad to see they’ll at least keep his shop going so future newbs can get the benefit of his SMP gospel.

    Speaking of old old gospel:

  3. He left as he lived, on his own terms. That’s not a bad thing at all. Keeping his site live is a fine memorial.

  4. Thank you for making the announcement. There is something right about his obit. being published in this little corner of the internet.

  5. “It can’t be that bad, since nobody came back so far.” was what my uncle used to say.

  6. I thank The Private Man and my gods for him being one of the backbones of the manosphere. When the manosphere needed help, he gave it as a blogger.

    He could write and speak so well as to inspire real life into guys.

    He wasn’t given a chance to die when he was done. It’s a damn shame. But he accepted the challenge of dying gracefully. He is a great example of not being afraid to die. (Which is a trait of of really living.) You could see it in his living. Within his words and his videos. And then also at his end.

    From another manosphere blogger:

    http://freenortherner.com/2012/09/06/die-when-youre-done/

    When should you die?

    Should you live fast and die young, or should you eke out every tiny bit of life you can?

    Neither, either, both. The question is flawed.

    The better question is why do you live? What do you live for? What is your purpose, your mission?

    You should die when you are done.

    You should live until you have accomplished your mission or when your continued existence can no longer serve your mission. You should not allow yourself to die before then and you should not try to prolong your life beyond this point.

    You do not deny death, you do not affirm life. You affirm your mission and realize death is simply when you cease to struggle in this mortal world.

    Live to struggle for your mission, struggle to live for as long as you are able to advance your mission. Then allow yourself to die. Don’t drag it out, don’t fight it; go to the grave knowing you gave your all for what mattered to you.

    That is when you should die, when you can rest peacefully knowing you have done everything you could and there is nothing more to do.

    Die when you are done.

    He died too soon. But Accepted the end. With Grace.

    Don’t wait. Get to living your best guys. Andrew, The Private Man, did that (really lived) as an example.

  7. I discovered his blog during my separation/divorce after 30 years of marriage. He felt like a kindred spirit. We both lived in South Florida, both rode motorcycles, both from the same era. Reading his stuff made me feel less alone. And it helped me understand how to deal with women while dating in my 50’s.

    When I think about the traits, characteristics and actions of a real man, I think of him.

    Thank you so much for everything Private Man.

  8. RIP Andrew … you left the world better for you having been in it and in living an honorable life with integrity.

  9. I learned about Andrew when I saw him on Stefan Molyneux’s channel back in February and I’m so glad I did. I wish I had known him outside the internet because he came across as so genuine and open, I immediately felt like he would have been a great friend to sit back with, share a beer, and discuss the nature of things. I’ve checked up on him periodically and was able to see the party he had, etc, so it was sad to find out that he passed recently. It takes a very special person to have a sense of humor when life goes south, and I have great respect for him because of his attitude and how he shared his life, mind, and heart with others. Rest in peace, Private Man… I will certainly never forget you!

  10. It is somewhat amazing how things in the manosphere have changed so much in five years.

    I only came to this medium in the last three and a half years. And it pretty much entirely changed my life for the better. (And it changed my family’s life for the better. They don’t actually know that, nor do they care. As long as I keep providing it doesn’t even matter. I’m good at is and I’m happy to do so.).

    I had not been privy to the manosphere blogs prior, but occasionally like to go back to the old classic stuff.

    Like anyone entering the manosphere, it was tough to wade through the material that was important and pertinent to my own personal mission, passion and pursuit. I certainly honed in after some time what was relevant and pertinent.

    On of the best things I came across, though was Ian Ironwoods E-Book called “The Manosphere: A New Hope For Masculinity”.

    It was circa June 2013. His pseudonymous writer-ship was notorious for the fact that he was a great writer. His primary business was porn. His private life was noted for being a great red pill husband and father. But he was a writer/author by trade.

    He lionized Rollo, as anyone who reads Rollo can’t help but do so by saying:

    Rollo, a long-married man himself, takes issue with the alpha/beta balancing act proposed by Athol Kay, myself, and other married bloggers, at least from the standpoint that he sees it as a capitulation to women – that we are, in trying to have a smoother and happier marriage, attempting to placate our wives and make ourselves better for them than for ourselves. 

    That being said, Rollo also heaps a fair amount of praise on those married Red Pill men who are daring enough to attempt that balance.  While he doesn’t quite see marriage as a means of Men Going Your Own Way, he’s at least willing to consider the idea as a possibility. 

    Rollo is an Alpha Purist; that is, he sees little masculine value in the development of Beta qualities in men under the assumption that modern men are overly-devoted to Betatude anyway, thanks to feminism.

    That is great perspective for any married man.

    But he also had a write-up about The Private Man and his efforts to pursue a certain niche in the Manosphere as a good writing icon.

    (I don’t know if WordPress has any word limit on a comment, but I’m going to quote Ian Ironwood in The Manosphere book regarding what niche The Private Man served. I think it is positive, as it was with good intention. It may or may not help readers just get what Andrew, The Private Man actually helped some guy in the manospher with.)

    Quote:

    The Private Man

    Pick Up Artists tend to be young men, and for a long time Game was a young man’s game.  But the rocky landscape of the dating world has a lot of players, and some of them are not looking forward at wife, kids, and family, but backwards at it.  For them – the newly-divorced, the chronically under-laid, the perpetual bachelor Gamma who just never seemed to be able to close with a woman, all of these men flock to The Private Man for wisdom.

    The Private Man is a PUA blog of repute, and while I was tempted to include him with the WOMs (ed. Wise Old Men) due to his venerable age and wisdom, the fact is he specializes in the bleak yet promising life of a post-40s bachelor – not an unusual situation within the Manosphere. 

    TPM lives a modest lifestyle in south Florida, where he plies the local dating scene in person and online, through a plethora of dating sites.  TPM’s site is designed to help the middle-aged man take advantage of the massive glut of cheap and easy sex the Sexual Market Place is offering right now.

    Traditionally the post-40 single dude is looked upon with suspicion by society – either as a permanent loser so socially retarded he can’t find even a poor girlfriend, a devastated post mid-life crisis divorcee, or some ugly combination of the above. 

    But the fact is that thanks to half of the marriages failing over the last forty years, a lot of dudes out there hit 40 without too much baggage.  In fact, it can be argued (and is) that 40 is where a man starts accruing sexual capital the most rapidly.  At 40, he appeals to the widest number of women, from early 20s girls who see him as distinguished and exotic to 30’s women who see him as stable and settled, to 40s women who see him as alive and with a pulse.  Being 40 is good to a man, certainly better than it is to a woman.  And that’s a subject that comes up a lot at TPM.

    If the post-40 single man finally knows who he is, the post-40s single woman has lost who she was.  The common term within the Manosphere is “the Wall”: the point at which a woman stops attracting overt sexual attention from men. While the exact age a woman hits the Wall varies, 40 is usually a good benchmark age.  At 40, a woman has received almost all of the sexual capital she’s going to get, and anything from that point on she will have to work diligently for . . . or learn to do without.

    It is within the posts of the Private Man that the vulnerabilities and insecurities – not to mention the frailties – of the 40-something single woman are revealed and reviled.  At 40 a man no longer feels compelled to put up with the bullshit a younger man might endure for the prospect of pussy.  At 40 a woman often feels suddenly compelled to validate her womanhood and her desirability by having as much affirmation sex as possible.  The problem is, finding a quality partner is problematic. 

    TPM makes a point of advising women in their 40s how to market themselves on dating sites to attract men.  To really attract men, not just make them feel better about themselves by “getting out there”, only to discover a world of four-time losers and perverts.  “There are no good men left!” is the constant cry of the almost-40 single woman.  There are blogs about how miserable these ladies are in the sexual landscape feminism has fostered.  They’re miserable because they were told a lie.

    They were told that if they busted their ass and got a degree and a job and a career, something that could ensure their security and give them disposable income, that they could have a string of meaningless relationships and one-night stands and then would have plenty of time for relationships and family and kids once they made partner. 

    The problem is, the men that these women are waiting for – like Mr. Big in Sex in the City – are phantoms.  It’s not that the family-minded, Alpha millionaires aren’t out there, mind you, it’s that they’re not looking for middle-aged career women who let their best reproductive years slip away, spending their prime on meaningless sexual relationships.  They’re looking for robust young uncomplicated women who are eager to devote themselves to husband and family. 

    That might prove galling to the sensibilities of progressive feminists everywhere, but that’s the fact of the matter.  Even at the local level, most Alpha men who are considering marriage are looking for young, pretty, with low maintenance fees.

    That means the 40-something career woman, sometimes with a divorce under her belt, sometimes with a kid or two in tow, has only the vast sea of Betas, Gammas, and Deltas stumbling along out there, and that just does not fit their Happily Ever After fantasies.

    The question that frequently haunts The Private Man’s blog is . . . just why are these women entitled to Happily Ever After-producing Alphas, when what they bring to the table is lamentably slight?  Wanting a man is one thing, but if a woman doesn’t have what a man wants, why would he want her?  Especially in the late 30s-early 40s never-married career woman demographic, a tidy apartment and the opportunity to change your life around for occasional and mediocre sex is just not the draw some of these ladies think it is.

    Or, as one of my readers wrote to me,

    I’ve been dating this 41 year old woman with a fierce case of baby rabies.  I’m open to the idea of kids but she’s obsessed.  She’s a nice woman, reasonably attractive (about a 7+), but it’s clear she’s been riding the carousel for years and no man has ever made her tingle just right.  Now she’s telling me to my face she’s settling but she’ll take it.  That’s bad enough.  I closed the deal after the second date and it was decent.  We’ve done something on every date since.  But I get the suspicion that she’s on best date behavior in the sack.  She’s also wanting to introduce me to her sister and started hinting she’s ready to move in together.

     
    But the more I watch her in action the more I can see where this will lead: with me an aging father and henpecked husband trying to meet her impossible demands.  The sex will dry up after the kids and she’ll be a tiger mom.  I’ll be the dumb ass husband who brings home a paycheck, watches the kids while she runs out to her book club, and we’re both contemplating affairs.  I don’t get the slightest sense of devotion out of her, just desperation.  She doesn’t want me, she wants a sperm donor and a babysitter who picks up half of the check.  I’m not signing on to be anyone’s second choice beta baby daddy.

    One of the things that really rings a bell in the Manosphere is anger and frustration at the observed sense of entitlement that pervades social interactions with these women.  Their standards are ridiculously high, and often incredibly unrealistic, and they have cavalier and often disrespectful attitudes toward the men they try to date . . . and that pisses off a lot of dudes.

    While women whine that they can’t find any decent guys, perfectly decent guys commenting on The Private Man reveal just why they avoid getting involved with some middle-aged ladies looking for a late-in-life fresh start.  And it isn’t pretty. 

    Enter online dating.  Rapidly becoming a billion-dollar industry, sites like Match.com, Chemistry.com, and OK Cupid promise to sort you into happiness with compatible, like-minded members of the opposite sex, carefully vetted through a long and detailed process of survey-style questionnaires. 

    Online dating has become the Air War in combat dating.  It not only allows you to discretely examine hundreds of potential mates who are already preselected to appeal to you, you get to see folks not just in your geographical area, but from around the world.

    For the first time in history, the internet has allowed the ultimate in human genetic diversity.  Dating sites promise women the ultimate search for their soulmate.  In reality, they’re often just getting stuck plumbing the loser pools of other metropolitan areas now that they have exhausted the possibilities of their own.

    Online dating is a major new component in the context of dating and mating in the 21 century.  And the chief tool for the aspiring lover is the online dating profile.  Not only has online dating become an industry, but advising about how to write an online dating profile has become a minor industry – and its one that The Private Man excels at.

    Among his other contributions, TPM’s blog has a hilarious section devoted to horrific dating profiles on various sites from women trying – badly – to convince men to contact them for dates.  (TRIGGER WARNING: it contains a lot of overtly misogynistic crap)  As you can imagine, the level of criticism in such a testosterone-fueled environment gets pretty rough.   And if that bothers you, ladies . . . consider some of the brutally misandrous shit that falls out of y’all’s mouths about the dudes you view when you get three girlfriends together with a bottle of wine, a computer, and a dating site. 

    The criticisms of bad dating profiles are ugly, but they’re also instructive.  Most of the guys commenting on them aren’t apparently wizened old perverts who hate women – they’re dudes who are actually considering dating these women, presumably for a shot at a long term relationship.  The target audience of the female-heavy dating scene, in other words.  These are the men who decide whether or not to email a woman based on her profile, or whether to skip to the next profile . . . and they sincerely want to communicate just what irritates them. 

    It seems to come down to a palpable sense of entitlement, their self-centeredness, and their sometimes overt disrespect toward men in general that turns these dudes off. 

    Add to that the desperation that bleeds through in a profile when a woman is in her 30s and actively seeking a father for her unborn children for the scant few eggs she has left, the desperation over finding a decent step-father for her existing children, or the defiant resistance to displaying any kind of inviting femininity while demanding the perfect childless Happily Ever After romance, and what emerges is an aggregate profile of the rank-and-file middle-aged single career woman/mom.

    Entitlement, solipsism, and misandrous disrespect echo throughout their profiles.  Frequent refrains include clichés that have become idiomatic of their attraction-killing attitudes, code words for their stage in life or perspectives.

    “Strong, independent woman”
    “Don’t want to play games anymore”
    “Looking for someone to treat me like I deserve”
    “Tired of all the creeps and losers”
    “Not looking for sex”
    “I’m not into drama”
    “Little boys need not apply”
    “Looking for a man to treat me like a princess”
    “wickedly sarcastic sense of humor”
    “looking for someone who can respect my independence”

    While each of these terms seems innocuous and even prudent, in actuality the profiles of these women seem calculated to send men running.  Often they dramatically overestimate their own relative value on the cold, cruel Sexual Market Place and display an adamant refusal to “lower their standards”.  Instead of an advertisement for their qualities as potential mates and partners, they turn into an unrealistic laundry list of what they demand in their future husbands. 

    When a 40-something twice-divorced real-estate agent with a gym allergy and too much faith in what her girlfriends say insists she’s entitled to a financially secure, warm and giving Alpha man without previous baggage or children, what she brings to the table is often pretty damn thin.

    “It’s a matter of worth,” one of the commenters of TPM emailed me. 
    .

    “They have been told by the SatC lifestyle that a string of meaningless hookups makes them mature and sophisticated.  And some of these women do have some serious sexual skills.  But they don’t know shit about how to be devoted to one man, loyal to a good man and how to be worthy of his loyalty.  It’s all about the best deal they can make.  They all want a Boy Scout with a heart of gold and a ten inch dick, but all they have to offer in return is a boozy bar slut who can’t ever quite seem to keep a boyfriend longer than six months.  They wonder where all the good men are but the fact is that the good men are repelled by how they have squandered their lives.”.

    The discourse at TPM is often callous.  The constant dissection of bad dating profiles has helped generate a brutal nomenclature all its own. 

    Women who seem to have reached the end of their natural attractiveness have “hit the Wall”, sometimes without even realizing it.  This woman is considered the victim of too many romance novels in which the plucky, non-descript heroine is adored by the hunky Alpha playboy. 

    Only that hasn’t seemed to happen and she’s frustrated and a little bitter.  The men who were all over her when she was 29 and were still interested when she was 32 have quit calling by 37 and have quit looking at her at all by 42.  Yet so many of these profiles are clearly, desperately clinging to the idea that 42 is as good as 32 . . . when there are plenty of eager 29s on the market to contend with.  The Wall is an ugly thing.

    The frustrated end-result of this unfortunate misplacement of reproductive priorities is the “Cat Lady” outcome, wherein the single woman ends up bitterly living the remainder of her life in a tiny apartment with too many cats upon which to shower her attention.  Indeed, a woman who talks about her cats in her dating profile is an instant red flag to most men.  The general consensus is that single women who sublimate their maternal urges with cats are often unwilling to extend their emotional energies toward a man. 

    Single moms are also a red flag for most men, for a variety of reasons.  Women who talk about putting their children first might be demonstrating their strong maternal commitment, but the fact is most men don’t want to get financially tied to a litter of kids that aren’t his own.  When a mommy is stepfather-shopping online, it’s pretty obvious – and eminently skippable.  It’s not that many men aren’t willing to consider a pre-owned family, as embittered single moms are fond of saying, it’s that featuring that family as a point of attraction represents a misplaced idea of what a man is seeking in a woman.  Click.

    Mentions of divorce are also poison in a dating profile.  There is the common stereotype of the divorcee who left her husband because “she wasn’t haaaappy”, and now seeks to cash in the last of her sexual capital to find a better deal while she still has a modicum of sex appeal.  Hypergamy in action. 

    The single dudes at TPM are constantly wary of the Eat, Pray, Love woman who’s searching for that certain undefinable something that seems to involve exotic foreign travel and shopping sprees on someone else’s dime – preferably a hunky Alpha male who adores her just for being her.
     
    The profiles of these women are replete with warning signs.  Calling them “golddiggers” is unfair and not quite accurate.  These women want the Total Fantasy Happily Ever After package, just like every other woman.  But to them their “commitment” to a man is limited to how much he can provide for her, and how much “fun” he can throw at her, and lasts just as long as that does. 

    Think this is an unfair stereotype of women?  Go to the profiles of any particular dating site and take a look for yourself. 

    The dudes who hang around The Private Man know enough Game to recognize the EPL woman and how to woo her . . . it’s actually not that hard.  Women with stars in their eyes and an over-inflated sense of their own sexual market value are willing to believe just about anything.  Getting her to rationalize why doing you in the parking lot in your rental car on the first date is actually not that difficult a feat, if your Game is tight. 

    Committing to the EPL woman, on the other hand, is seen as an exercise in disaster containment.

    So is the Drama Mama, the woman whose profile is replete with how she’s a) sick of all the drama, b) looking for a man who isn’t after her money and who can take care of her and c) looking for someone who will “be good to” her kids.  That kind of profile smells like trouble to a decent dude a mile away – anyone who is “sick of all the drama” is, as old hands at this will tell you, usually the kind of woman who attracts drama on purpose.  An “attention whore”. 

    There are men who are attracted to that sort of thing – men who feel that if they rescue a woman often enough, she will not only learn from her mistakes and avoid high drama situations in the future, but will (in an unabashed display of gratitude) hump them like pornstars for the rest of their lives.  These misguided White Knights are known derisively as “Captain Save-A-Ho”, and they often land in the Manosphere after being taken advantage of by one of these Drama Mamas one time too many.

    Taking too-aggressive a stance in a profile gets a woman skipped for plenty of reasons.  Talking about how devoted you are to your career, or how you want someone who isn’t threatened by your success indicates to the men who read them that the women behind these profiles are unwilling to make the personal sacrifices necessary to sustain a long-term committed romantic relationship.  In this post-industrial age of women out-earning men, this is becoming more and more common . . . but that doesn’t make it any more of a turn-on.  “Hmmm.  She’s got an average face and an OK body, but look at her earning potential!” just doesn’t roll naturally off of the male tongue.

    That’s a common refrain amongst the frustrated denizens of the Manosphere.  And it is a message that women are just not getting.  In profile after profile middle-aged career women trumpet their successes in their professional lives like they’re on a job interview for account manager, not Wife.  Despite what feminism has been trying to convince them, men just are not turned on by resumes, no matter how spiffy. 

    Nor are they overly enamored of ballbusters.  Grown men have usually had enough of that in their professional lives.  The tired refrain from feminists is “well, they just can’t handle a strong and independent woman, the wimps!”.  But that misses the point.  Women who call themselves “strong and independent” and who “don’t need a man, just want a man” are making their intended audience ask themselves, “well if you don’t need me, then why would I want you?” 

    The Manosphere is pretty clear on this: men need to be needed.  Men who are commitment-minded don’t want to be a woman’s accessory or live-in boyfriend or eventual non-sexual housemate.  They want to be involved in passionate, fulfilling relationships with women who don’t feel complete without them. 

    They want to be in a relationship where they are considered essential to a woman’s life, not an occasionally-useful plaything frustratingly orbiting a hyper-competent woman.  The oft-touted feminist maxim “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” reveals, upon inspection of the dating tidal pool, that an awful lot of carp are certainly craving a Schwinn . . . but that the bikes in questions have elected to wait for chicks with feet. 

    In other words, if you don’t need a man, Ladies, you shouldn’t worry.  You probably won’t get one.

    What does The Private Man advocate for women who are frustrated at the seemingly-endless string of losers their profiles seem to attract?  First, what is widely seen in feminine circles as “lowering your standards”, or, as the Manosphere prefers to refer to it, “adopting a reality-based mating strategy”. 

    To start, that means making an objective assessment about themselves and what they have to offer a man.  While it may gall feminists, when a lady hits 40, it’s a buyer’s market in the Wife category.  Trying to pretend you still have the attraction chops you did when you were 29 or even 36 just isn’t going to cut it.  And that often means a personally awkward come-to-Jesus conversation a woman has to have with herself.  That can be humbling.

    TPM encourages its women readers (and he has a large female following of women increasingly desperate to figure out where they are going wrong) to stop finding reasons to actively exclude the men they meet from consideration, and start finding reasons to include them.  As has been widely discussed both here and in more traditional dating advice blogs, single women commonly find “deal-breakers” about their dates far too readily. 

    Their standards are so high, and their sense of entitlement to a quality man and a thrilling relationship is so deep, that they cannot appreciate the rewards of a relationship with any realistic man.  Men fear rejection in the first place, and to be summarily judged and rejected because, for instance, they are into Civil War re-enactments or don’t have quite enough hair or don’t make more than their dates is insulting.  Being pre-insulted with a woman’s list of demands is indicative of later problems in a potential relationship, so the dudes move on.

    Secondly, TPM advocates rejecting the disrespectful tone toward women that is commonly advocated by feminism.  Women who openly complain about the number of “creeps and losers” they’re meeting with their profile often are revealing their own misandrous attitudes. 

    Complaining about exes is likewise disrespectful.  It goes without saying that pervs and axe murderers need not apply, so bringing that up isn’t doesn’t scream “good sense of humor” to a dude, it screams “judgey old entitlement princess”.  Men are attracted to a warm and appreciative woman, no matter how many feminist hackles that truth might raise.  A woman unwilling to respect men in general is likely going to be unwilling to respect an individual man in a relationship – therefore he skips over to the next one.

    Thirdly, the denizens of TPM encourage women to embrace their femininity.  Both by posting more attractive pictures of themselves (men are far more willing to discard a profile because of an unfavorable picture than women are) and by being more warm and inviting in their profiles.  Masculine men are attracted to feminine women, and listing qualities better suited to getting you invited to the neighborhood poker game are not going to be the ones that are going to make a mature man consider you as a mate. 

    For some women, the commenters lament, discovering their own femininity at this stage of life is an impossible prospect.  And just as a woman can decide within the first ten seconds whether or not she’ll sleep with a guy, even the densest dude can pick up on subtle sexual signals, even if it’s at the subconscious level.  When your date shows up in a pant suit and not a skirt, a dude knows he can do better at this stage of life. 

    That’s what irks the bewildered women who find their way to The Private Man in search of help.  All those years trying to be taken seriously by men in the workplace has cultivated an attitude and a presentation that makes them not get taken seriously in the Sexual Market Place.  They turn to their girlfriends (who usually have fared no better themselves) for advice, which most men in the Manosphere understand is the kiss of death.  The last place either gender should go for dating advice is middle-aged single women.

    But hope springs eternal.  The women who manage to keep from being offended garner some meaningful advice from the site, and the men who go there refine their game in this demographic, as well as impart some wisdom of their own on the subject.

  11. Another guy that died to young, that I never had the privilege of reading, in the before five years ago Manosphere was, as described by Ian Ironwood:

    Quote:

    Munson

    Munson, like Deti, never had a blog of his own.  He, too, was a “professional commenter”, a man who was comfortable saying his piece on other people’s soapboxes.  But unlike a lot of lurkers and outright trolls, Munson never hesitated to take a well-reasoned and impassioned stand on a subject in the Manosphere.

    Thomas V. Munson was a happily-married attorney who lived with his wife in the Western US (Boise, Idaho, about as remote and West as you can get and still have an internet connection) and he had a folksy charm and a concise, no-nonsense way of stating his views that at times waxed poetic. 

    The fact that he was universally respected throughout the diverse dirty snowball of the Manosphere is a testament to his command of masculine wisdom.  When he died in mid-2012 of cancer, he was mourned from one blog to the next, everywhere from The Private Man to Hooking Up Smart, the female-oriented dating advice blog on the fringes of the Manosphere, written by Susan Walsh. 

    Susan in particular loved Munson’s take on masculinity, femininity, and where the twain oft meet.

    “He’s insanely clever, and has won over the hearts and minds of HUS readers with his unique brand of irreverent humor. He’s also generously shared his legal acumen when it was sorely needed to shed light and reason on some controversial topics.” She said in the post reporting on Munson’s diagnosis of terminal cancer.  She goes on, “Munson is of my generation. He came of age in a very different SMP than we have today, a time when men didn’t get kicked to the curb for unabashedly professing love, and most women still viewed sex as something emotionally significant and meaningful. In sharing his news with us, he left this comment, which I think says something very important and beautiful about love.”

     

    Munson provided what can only be described as the authentic voice of mature, Old School masculine wisdom.  He was a smart man in tough country who had a traditional way of life that most of us suburb monkeys could only pretend to know. 

    More, he seemed to epitomize the manly manliness of masculinity – he was the Western version of The Most Interesting Man In The World.  Stampeding cattle would pull over to let him by.  Women would pull over to offer to change his flat tire.  He’d let state troopers off with a warning.  That sort of thing.  Munson was an authentic glimpse of the Age of Masculinity Past, the John Wayne machismo of our ancestors with a brilliant wit and an aggressive grasp of both social theory and the language in which to convey his ideas.

    In his own words, he was

    “ . . . [as] a man who had been very happily married 30 plus years, maybe I could point the way to what I think the “goal” is, if I can use that term (rather vulgar).
    I don’t believe anyone, anyone, wants to “play” at having intercourse and relationships. I believe, as Kahlil Gibran said, that even when we search solely for pleasure, we find she has seven sisters, each more beautiful than pleasure. I wanted to bear witness that if you find that person, the one you will be with always, while you both will age, a part of you will stay 25 forever. And you’ll see that in them; yes, you’ll note the years and what they do in their passing, but you’ll also see them as they looked when you met them, that part will stay alive and you alive with that. Love can do that.”

    In the occasionally misogynistic mist that is the snowball, Munson was an old-fashioned voice of paternal advice and perspective that commanded respect for both its inherent wit and its truth.  He was an Old Married Guy (OMG) commenting on what he saw as a disastrous new world of mating and dating. 

    It’s tempting to lump him in with the Traditional and Conservative Christians, but in fact his most devout religion was the code of the old-fashioned gentleman.  He rarely, if ever, stooped to trolling or name-calling or other pedantic antics of the Flying Monkey brigade that seems to emerge whenever the Manosphere gets pissed off at someone.  He would state his perspectives cogently and concisely, back away, and watch the light bulbs come on.

    Munson was proof that the Old Ways of marriage 1.0 had some value and could ultimately work out beautifully.  He was the epitome of the Wolf Alpha, the devoted family man who would have punched you out for insulting his wife without a second thought, and never, ever would have even thought seriously about cheating on her.  He knew the frailties of the masculine spirit as well as its strengths, and he was effusive in his advice on the subject.

    In short, Munson was the voice of the past, the men who assumed that they would be kings in their own castle and not tenants of their future ex-wives.  And while nothing can put the genie of industrialization back in the bottle (nor would I want to) the fact is that there is much that men can use from that twisted wreckage of the Patriarchy that will be useful in the revalorization of masculinity in the Twenty-First century.

    End Quote…….

    ____________

    I’ll be god damned.

    That quote:

    [as] a man who had been very happily married 30 plus years, maybe I could point the way to what I think the “goal” is, if I can use that term (rather vulgar).
    I don’t believe anyone, anyone, wants to “play” at having intercourse and relationships. I believe, as Kahlil Gibran said, that even when we search solely for pleasure, we find she has seven sisters, each more beautiful than pleasure. I wanted to bear witness that if you find that person, the one you will be with always, while you both will age, a part of you will stay 25 forever. And you’ll see that in them; yes, you’ll note the years and what they do in their passing, but you’ll also see them as they looked when you met them, that part will stay alive and you alive with that. Love can do that.

    That shit resonates with me. That is the reason why in my turn-around, the only thing that matters is that my wife has kept herself up and her personality is the same damn personality as when she was 23 y.o. when I met her and 25 when I married her. (yeah, this was “in before the lock” of Skynet, Internet, Social Media).

    Munson describes marriage 1.0 values. I subscribed to 2.0 and got betatized. I aspired to 3.0 Deida 3.0 and think I’m there (Thinking, not knowing because of ocean tides of female emotion that are ephemeral).

    But anyway, the guy nailed it. If the girl holds up her end of the bargain, a LTR doesn’t descend into old poor wrinkly face and wrinkly pussy land at all. With Red Pill and Game dynamic it feels like 25 years old all over again. I see her as I saw her 28 years ago. The same damn personality, engaged with life and the tussle of relationship, no different physically (perceptionally) and very much alive.

Speak your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s