Most ‘professional’ women are forced into an uncomfortable choice in life. Generally women in this demographic have decided to pursue a career at the sacrifice of caring for a family, and for some, initially, there is a learned disdain for the idea of being ‘trapped’ in a domestic life. Some are aware of this sacrifice and some are not. Most professional women swallowed the all too common ideology that “you can have it all”, a ‘rewarding’ career, a family and are deserving of an equally professional, equally intellectual husband that will respect her choosing the career path and equally share in what she perceives as his domestic duties. This of course is the new image of the American Dream for egalitarian equalists. And like most professional women, at some point they come to realize this dream is false because the sacrifices required to attain this fantasy defeat it’s own conditions.
Timeline of the Professional Woman
At age 18 she’s progressed through high school with a high GPA and her single mother or 2 parent equalist family (only rarely is it a single father) has raised her to believe she can go far, and through the financial aid available only for women and/or the college fund her parents planned for her to be ready to compete in “a man’s world”, she’s ready for college. Not a bad thing for a woman who understands the future sacrifices she’s about to make and is ready to actually meet the challenges of a University and a ‘promising’ professional career.
At age 24-26 she’s achieved a bachelor’s or master’s degree, perhaps a doctorate by 28. More often than not though it’s a bachelor’s degree, and an expectation of professional respect in the professional world. 90% of professional women graduate with education, psychology, journalism or communication degrees. That’s not to say some don’t seek out careers in law or medicine or business, they do, but in far fewer numbers. Regardless of her education, her expectations are the same as her peers – once in the workplace she will be rewarded and respected based on merit. Unfortunately, in the professional world, things don’t go as smoothly as her Women’s Studies teacher prepared her for. She discovers that to function as a professional she is also required to be responsible as a professional and more times than not, it’s not all that ‘rewarding’. In fact it entails a lot of rejection and a lot of hard work at the sacrifice of a personal life and personal relationships.
At 30 she sees the girlfriends she went to college with married and perhaps having their 2nd child. She still clings to the self-affirmation that her choice requires she have, but can’t understand why she hasn’t ‘gotten it all’ by now. She’s single or may even be divorced at this point, but looking for that ‘professional’ and intellectual equal of masculinity that the fantasy sold her, yet it hasn’t quite worked out that way. Most guys her age don’t have the intellect she expects they should or they lack the status in their careers. Men more successful and mature aren’t interested in her since she pales in comparison to the 22 y.o. women they seem to prefer.
At 35 she’s achieved quite a bit in her career, but has no prospect for a family at this point. She enjoys reading the articles in the women’s magazines that affirm what she thinks she experiences often enough – that men her age are juvenile with ‘fragile egos’ and only want to become involved with women in their 20’s because they feel ‘threatened’ by a woman who would dare to be their equal. The truth being that the men who she’d consider her peers are hardly juvenile at this age, but rather calculating, they generally have a better understanding of what they want and what is satisfying for them after more than a few failed attempts and have learned how the game is played to a greater or lesser degree. Particularly professional men of the same or higher status than she, since they have more access to being particular with the women they choose to become involved with. They are aware that the 35+ y.o. professional woman’s personality has been shaped by 12-15 years of expectations of ‘having it all’ and they are aware that she is generally not a good candidate to start a family with since he knows all too well the sacrifices and responsibilities necessary to achieve his own status. A career man rarely sees a career woman as a good choice for a wife or an LTR, not because he’s ‘threatened’ by her status, but because he’s known and worked with enough of them once he’s reached 35+ years of age to steer clear of them.
Men typically could care less what a woman earns or what she does to earn it – it’s simply not a factor in attraction for us – we don’t take a woman’s status or wealth into consideration; all she has to be is hot. That is a guy’s one condition for intimacy, physical attraction, sexual availability. She’s gotta be hot – whether she makes six figures or is in the pit of poverty is irrelevant in attraction. Oprah and Star Jone’s husbands still have to get aroused, and all the money in the world wont be any better an aphrodisiac.
Status, wealth and the other rewards that result from ‘professional’ life are conditions women have for MEN in attraction. That’s not to discount men being physically attractive or other conditions, but women have far more conditions for their intimacy than men, and these conditions are predicated on characteristics that prove a man as a good provider for her and any future offspring’s security. These male characteristics (or sometimes just the prospects of a man attaining them) are defined by women as having value and are therefore attractive. Attractive enough to make a man with these qualities one to be competed over with other women. Women define what is masculine, they define what male traits have value for their investment of intimacy. Men define what is feminine, they define what female traits have value for their investment of their provision of security and meeting the condition criteria women place on them for their intimacy.
The ‘Today’s Woman’ crowd loves to use this pseudo-fear that men are expected to have in response as to why guy’s ought to be ashamed of themselves for basing their attraction on the physical by blaming it on ‘men’s fragile egoes’ or how they ‘feel threatened by professional women’. It comes down to an expectation and entitlement from their ‘professionalism’ that men should redefine their own attraction based on what women find attractive in the masculine.
This is the overreach of the feminine imperative – to attempt to thwart men’s biological predispositions by convincing them what they should find attractive and arousing in women. This becomes all the more ironic when you consider that the women the imperative would have men be attracted to are masculinized versions of women.
Women in the professional realm would like the conditions for attraction to be predicated upon their professional status (wealth), individual merit and/or aspects of their personal integrity, and a whole list of esoteric qualities, but they still fight against men’s basic impulses – she’s-go-to-be-hot! If a woman is attractive, a man is more than happy to have her foot the bill regardless of comparative incomes, it’s just icing on the cake for us, but this is analogous to a woman who marries a rich guy who also happens to be good looking and fun in bed.
As most women bemoan, men have a tendency to see women as sex objects in attraction. Women have a tendency to see men as success objects. The problem with this ‘professional woman’ mythology is that professional women want to be success objects themselves, but nature keeps confounding their efforts.
Now, all of that said, if a woman’s choice is to enter the public realm and pursue a career in the same fashion that men have for years, more power to her. Great, you go girl, so long as she understands the responsibilities and liabilities of doing so. They should also thoughroughly understand that men will define what is attractive for them, not women, professional or otherwise.
“That is a guy’s one condition for intimacy, physical attraction, sexual availability. She’s gotta be hot ” I really don’t agree with this one at all. I would agree that it’s the number one priority in every case, and I whole-heartedly believe that it counts for at leat 51% of attractiveness for even the most altruistic guy. I don’t care how hot a woman is if she isn’t capable of being nice and behaving responsibly. If she makes snide emasculating comments (e.g., “he just doesn’t understand that I’m always right”) in front of other people or if she’s neck deep… Read more »
do not let a female control your finances. just don’t.
Pretty, feminine and nice are precluded by thin and fit. It gratifies men’s need to think they should avoid being labelled as “shallow” by appearing to have standards, but a man’s erection is really the final arbiter of arousal. If she’s not at least borderline physically fuckable and sexually available all the femininity and niceties in the world wont make her so. You’re not fucking her niceness. It’s interesting to me to see how far ahead of themselves guys will get when they try to define their terms for “attraction”. Attraction almost always gets conflated with “girl I’d want to… Read more »
I was at a party (in DC) and was talking to an attractive married woman. She told me she was a dental hygienist, and I sincerely told her that was a great job for her. She was taken aback. I bet she felt a little insecure about it due to all the feminist brainwashing about how women have to have careers, etc.
Second Brian’s list.
I’ve seen plenty of women who are thin and fit, but have no clue how to be feminine, in either dress or behavior.
But I do see how we were talking about different things there, and you are dead on how my list was skewed from yours. Though there’s still a “is she hot enough to overcome how annoying she is” aspect with any woman. Some women are so obnoxious that no amount of being hot will overcome it.
As it relates to attraction and dating standards, the “professional” woman engages in psychological projection ad nauseam. I dated one for two years. And this was back when I was still plugged into the cruel, feminized Matrix mindset. I am still friends with this woman, but I have to be honest, the sadistic part of my psychology finds comfort in her failures on the dating market. Being a career woman is detrimental to her dating life. She was engaged, but that went down in flames pretty quickly (she gave him an ultimatum concerning “commitment”). Now, she is starting to realize… Read more »
Twisting the knife that way can be fun. What’s more, you really shouldn’t feel too guilty about it, as it is a form of long-overdue “education” the likes of which is severely needed in this country.
Better to painfully break the propaganda illusion than let it fester and screw more lives up.
Yep, my wife has a great career, a master’s, a cool personality, and all that. Why’d I approach her when I first saw her? BECAUSE SHE’S HOT. I stuck with her because of the other attributes, but without the initial attraction, I might never have introduced myself.
As an addendum to this post, Dalrock and (credit where due) Escoffier utterly kill it with this analysis:
Bang-on post… Hotness is the major prerequisite – everything else is just icing on the cake. It is the women that “are” sex-objects that don’t object to the benefits it provides to them, it is the ones who aren’t and never will be, who complain, with their sour-grapes. More than a few women my age hate the fact that they are way too old for me, I just do not find them attractive. Fortunately, women find men who are older, more established, have more money, and more power, to be their primary attractant. I didn’t make things that way, but… Read more »
Re: “Professional Women”
ALL women are professionals – the actual *currency* may vary, but there is always a quid-pro-quo..
This article would explode the heads of most Cosmopolitan readers.
Once again, excellent work, Mr. Tomassi.
I’ve never met a single woman who was obnoxious enough to kill my visceral attraction to her if she was hot enough. And I’ve known quite a few full-throttle bitches…
annndddd right on cure from the Washington Post this morning:
““I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to get married someday,” said Kate Shorr, 30, a lawyer and lobbyist who until recently wrote a blog about her social life in Washington, A Single Girl Doing Single Things. “All of us want to meet that special person and marry, but there’s no real rush to do that. Especially in the career-driven society we have here. You don’t move to Washington, D.C., to get married, you move here for your career.””
A career woman I saw the other day had given up on men, got a short haircut, and went lesbian. In high school and college I studied like a good boy for grades (mostly A’s), was prom king, was a captain on the football team, could lift over 300 lbs, went to a top college (I did not want to go to college but I felt forced to), but I never dated girls because I was always studying and playing sports because of social conditioning to please others, and now I’m struggling to get out of college debt. My biggest… Read more »
[…] feminized ideal of a woman enjoying her prime – often excused as fulfilling her nebulous professional potential – is a primary contributor to this marriage postponement, but it’s important to point out […]
[…] From the Timeline of the Professional Woman: […]
“That is a guy’s one condition for intimacy, physical attraction, sexual availability. She’s gotta be hot ”
This is such a sad article. Just swap every mention of male/female and then consider how you would come across to the opposite sex.
And reading the comments makes me worry for a *civilized* future of the human race. Oh yes, males will still find females to procreate with. But most educated women, once they realize numerous modern men are so incredibly shallow and coarse as exemplified by the comments, will forgo motherhood.
@Darren, come back and comment here after you’ve read The Red Queen by Matt Ridley
Women’s careers don’t raise men’s cocks.
Men’s morals don’t make women moist.
That’s how it is. Unfortunately, it’s not how you wish it should be.