Dijo sin hablando

Dijo sin hablando – Told without speaking.

Communicate with your behavior. Never overtly tell a woman anything. Allow her to come to the conclusions you intend. Her imagination is the best tool in your Game toolbox. Learn how to use it.

This is the single greatest failing of average frustrated chumps: they vomit out everything about themselves, divulging the full truth of themselves to women in the mistaken belief that women desire that truth as a basis for qualifying for their intimacy or enduring commitment. Learn this now:

Women NEVER want full disclosure.

Nothing is more self-satisfying for a woman than to think she’s figured a Man out based solely on her mythical feminine intuition (i.e. imagination). When you blurt out your ‘feelings’ or overtly make known your optionless status, regardless of the context or the nobility of your intent, all you do is deny her this satisfaction. And like an easily distracted child she discards you for another, more entertaining, toy that holds some kind of mystery or puzzle for her figure out.

Always remember, women care less about the content of what’s being communicated and more about the context (the how) of what’s being communicated. Never buy the lie that good communication is the key to a good relationship with out considering how and what you communicate. Women are naturally solipsistic. Your ‘feelings’ aren’t important to her until you make them important to her.

Despite what any pop-psychologist has ingrained into you, communication is NOT the key to success in an LTR. It’s what and how it’s communicated that is. It seems counterintuitive to deliberately withhold information that you think would solve whatever problem you have. Every touchy-feely therapist will tell you to open up and express yourself, but all that leads to is the negotiation of desire and the disingenuous obligations based on those terms. You cannot ‘tell’ women anything, they must be led to your conclusion and be made to think that they are the ones coming to it with their own devices – preferably by way of her imagined feminine intuition. How you effect this is subject to your own situation with your LTR or your prospective woman, but understand that internalizing the idea that she can be made to understand your perspective indirectly is the first step in ‘real’ communication. Indirect communication is the foundation of effective Game.

Dijo sin hablando – Told without speaking.


17 responses to “Dijo sin hablando

  • Toz

    I would love to practice this concept more. Any tips for how to apply this in an LTR?

  • nugganu

    Toz – I believe that if you have not acted like this in your current LTR, you are going to have to slowly employ this tac, as it would be too much of a turnaround and possibly less effective if your girlfriend all of a sudden saw such a behavioural change in you.

    This is great, however, if employed from the get-go in a new LTR. I’ve noticed that my aloofness is a great attractor for women, they love a good mystery.

  • Deep Dish

    From the 48 Laws of Power:

    Law 4: Always Say Less than Necessary
    When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

    Law 9: Win through your Actions, Never through Argument
    Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory:  The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word.  Demonstrate, do not explicate.

    Law 32: Play to People’s Fantasies
    The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

    Subcommunication has been instrumental in my recovery from Asperger syndrome. If the average guy is oblivious to these things, I was ever more.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    Toz, The MEDIUM is the Message also works for you.

    For example, gradually changing habits about yourself for the positive. If you never put going to the gym as a priority for yourself, doing so becomes the medium for her. What message does your behavior send to her? That you are self-concerned about your physique. Which leads to the next question, why are you concerned? You don’t answer those questions, her imagination fills in the blanks for her and she responds in kind.

    That’s one easy illustration, but there are many other subtle, gradual, changes you can make that send similar messages about your own self-importance over her. Men tend to be too focused on rational communication to really appreciate women sensitivity to a nuanced message. A woman’s capacity for self-doubt and her imagination are fantastic tools at your disposal if you can determine what aspects of your relationship she’s vulnerable to in that regard.

  • Gmac

    “Women NEVER want full disclosure.”

    Bingo.

    Women don’t say what they mean any more than they know what they want. That’s the whole point of “keeping her guessing.” Once she’s figured you all out, the mystery is gone and it’s on to her next prey.

    Rookies tend to get into the mindset that they have to make sure they “say” the right thing or come up with the best “line.” To focus solely on verbal communication is to completely miss the point of game.

    You nailed it on the head here. Body language and actions are as much a part of game (if not more so) than what comes out of your mouth.

  • Alonso Quijano

    Rollo, great blog. Good to see you’re going through with it.

    I’ve always suspected that women value their options ueber alles, including when communicating with a man. That’s why they hate direct, no-shit explanatory talking done by men. It doesn’t leave room for options of female interpretation and judging.

    Oh, and no offense Rollo, but your spanish headline doesn’t make sense like that. You might want to change it to “Comunicarse sin hablar” or “(El/ella) dijo sin hablar…”

  • Toz

    Read the post and will try to apply it to my relationship in a subtle way ASAP. Please write more about this topic. I’m especially interested in how to gain this ability slowly and unobtrusively.

  • Traveller

    It is not a dejà vu this post is almost the same as the other.

  • Dan Fletcher

    I just started re-reading this book. Highly recommended for any aspiring gamesmen or any man looking to improve his lot in life.

  • Dan Fletcher

    I should probably know better than to question someone with a spanish sounding name, but isn’t he right?

    Dijo – past-tense of to say
    sin- without
    hablando -imperfect of hablar, speaking

    I’m probably full of it so please correct me

  • Man Talk « The Private Man

    [...] in my masculinity and would rather use actions over words. Rollo recently wrote an excellent and relevant post on this [...]

  • Bill

    This is grammatically incorrect. You need to say “Dijo sin hablar”. In Spanish, the infinitive is used in this context, not the present participle in English. Great post, thanks.

  • Cat Patrol

    I was just watching a rerun of the Dick Van Dyke show. His character says to his wife “curiosity may have killed the cat, but it keeps you women alive”

    Never fully disclose anything to a woman.

  • walawala

    I just had a girl I was gaming and set to meet, flake on me.

    It’s strange because she was the one giving me the IOI’s.

    I got a text about 3 hours before our meet up at a casual, cool place.

    She claimed she wasn’t feeling well and hoped it’d ‘understand’.

    She is in my social circle, so i will no doubt see her again.

    But is the best response….no reply at all?

    is not speaking, speaking loudly? Or should there be some witty rejoinder to her clear flake.

    In analyzing this, based on our interaction, we got on great, lots of kino, laughs, she’s laughing at everything, all the IOI’s are there.

    So since she doesn’t live in my city could it be a shit test?

    Could this be a flake based on her own nervousness?

    Or could this be her genuinely not feeling well and afraid to make a bad impression?

    Best to let her wonder what I’m thinking by not speaking?

  • houseofjacques

    It works in English, but you can’t just translate it word by word to Spanish.

    Dijo sin hablando does not make sense, as Alonso said.
    “Comunicarse sin hablar” would be a more apt title.

    But anyways, that’s just nitpicking. A great post on an equally great blog. Keep it up, Rollo!

  • S

    “Your ‘feelings’ aren’t important to her until you make them important to her.”

    “I would love to practice this concept more. Any tips for how to apply this in an LTR?”

    To connect the former statement and the latter question, simply know this: to make your feelings important to her, in the context of an LTR, you must simply punish her for your bad feelings. and you do this by going silent and ignoring her for a while. the ‘soft next’, if you will.

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