Lessons for my Son

Lessons

As many of my readers know Mrs. Tomassi and I are raising a daughter. We had one child by design, and in all honesty I’m rather relieved it was a girl. Take this however you’d like, but I think raising a girl has allowed me more insight into how women grow and mature into young women, and it’s been through this experience that I’ve based more than a few of my theories on.

I have one younger brother, so the maturation process of growing up female was something I’ve never been familiar with until the past 15 years. I suppose the possibility exists that I may at some point be able to pass on my Red Pill wisdom to a future grandson, certainly my brother’s son, and many older male relatives, however I don’t really have any regrets since I’ve had more private messages and consult requests (I do read all of them) from the sons I never had.

One of the best compliments I get from Red Pill fathers is when they email me about how they’ve bought an extra copy of The Rational Male that they plan to give to their sons or some other male relative. Nothing encourages me to keep writing than the stories I receive like this – this is why I published the book.

So it was with some admitted pride that I came across this post on the Red Pill reddit forum. Testerod brings an  insightful list of points he plans to teach his son(s). I may at some point write a list like this for my daughter, but I thought this was good enough for a standalone post that might inspire some discussion over the weekend.

I came to RP late in life, and looking back on my 45 years, I now see that my path to happiness as an adult could have been much smoother had I known and internalized RP truths as an adolescent… Looking back on my relationships over the years, I can now see as clear as day that when I was successful it was because I was in an alpha frame… When I crashed and burned, it’s because I demonstrated beta behaviors.

My dad never really gave me the sex talk growing up. His abbreviated version of it was “I don’t care who you do, just don’t do it under my roof.” Marginally helpful maybe, but I could have avoided lots of crashing and burning had he given me some version of what I lay out below.

It’s still too early for the sex talk with my own son, but I want to be fully prepped at the right time to share as many RP truths with my son. In fact, I think it’s probably one of the most important things I can do to prepare him for manhood.

So, I wanted to pose the questions: A) What is the appropriate age to have “the talk” with my son? I’m currently thinking around the age when he starts becoming interested in girls (13-14). B) Would love to get your thoughts on some bulleted wisdom to share with him at the right time. Here’s some ideas I’ve been thinking about sharing:

  1. (13 & up) Whatever you do, don’t settle for one girl (oneitis) until much later in life. Play the field, spin plates, date lots of girls. This is the only way you’ll be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and realize what you really want in an LTR relationship down the road if/when you want a family.
  2. (13 & up) Your physical characteristics matter (looks, body type, etc.)… An alpha attitude matters more.
  3. (13 & up) Don’t chase. Be aloof. Let girls come to you. If you do pursue, do it in a carefully calculated way: Pursue and retreat. Push and pull.
  4. (13 & up) Keep her constantly guessing. Always let her know that you have options.
  5. (13 & up) Texting, phone calls, etc… Be disciplined in your response. Use the 1-3 ratio in responding to her texts, phone calls. Give her one short text response/phone conversation for every three she gives you.
  6. (13 & up) Define your mission and pursue it (not girls) passionately. Admittedly, this will be undefined and in flux for an adolescent, but whether it’s sports, studies, extracurricular activities, make those your first priority.
  7. (13 & up)Develop a keen understanding of the psychological/biological nature of women… Understand how girls think. They are ALWAYS looking to upgrade. If you’re not always the “best in show”, they WILL cheat on you find someone else.
  8. (13 & up) Nice guys finish last. There’s a reason all the girls like the boy who (good naturedly) teases them.
  9. (17 & up) Niceness will never get you laid, but will put you forever in the friend zone and give you a terrible case of blue balls.
  10. (17 & up) Be a leader in every relationship. If you’re on a date, make sure you’re doing something that YOU want to do. She can come along for the ride.
  11. (17 & up) Understand shit tests and learn to master them. Girls will always be qualifying you to make sure you’re the alpha male she wants you to be. If you start getting a lot of shit tests, re-evaluate your frame — you’re probably coming across as too needy.
  12. (17 & up) Understand female physiology and how to bring a woman to orgasm.
  13. (17 & up) Girls are the gatekeepers to sex. Men are the gatekeepers to relationships. Never forget this and be stingy as hell with your relationships.
  14. (17 & up) Girls will love you, but only opportunistically. If you demonstrate lower value (DLV), their love for you will evaporate.
  15. (17 & up) Show your beta traits occasionally, but use extreme caution when dong so. Girls will want to see that you are stoic, self-reliant, and confident. If you want a shoulder to cry on, get a dog. Use beta comfort only as a reward for good behavior.
  16. (17 & up)Be dominant in the relationship, in your life, and in the bedroom.
  17. (17 & up)Smile less, smirk more.
  18. (13 & up) Tease relentlessly.
  19. (17 & up) Learn what style of game works best for you: Are you the extroverted “cocky-funny” type? Are you the introverted “aloof-amused mastery type?” Are you the asshole type?
  20. (13 & up) Stay away from online porn.
  21. (13 & up) As an adolescent, you will be consumed with thoughts of sex. Fapping is inevitable. Don’t overdo it though. Control your masculine energy so that it can be harnessed outwardly instead of inwardly in the realm of fantasy.
  22. (17 & up) Realize that the build up of testosterone is what gives you your masculine energy. Don’t fap as a crutch to avoid meaningful interactions with real women. That guy who sits in his basement fapping to online porn all day? Don’t be that guy. Women are repulsed by him because his masculine energy is depleted and he has not learned to focus that energy on real women.
  23. (17 & up) Embrace the fact that men have huge sexual appetites. Never be ashamed of this and fully appreciate your masculine sexuality.
  24. (17 & up) Understand a female menstrual cycle and what it means for them, and more importantly for you (e.g. up the alpha during ovulation, throw in some beta during shark week.)
  25. (17 & up) Understand that for females, sexual arousal typically takes place in the brain and that they are less visually aroused than you are.
  26. (17 & up) Make sure that your sexual market rank is at least 1-2 points above hers at all times. This can be done either with attitude, physical fitness, your life passion or some combination of the above.
  27. (13 & up) Learn not to fear rejection. In game as in life, failure is the best teaching tool there is.
  28. (17 & up) Approach and open often. The more girls you talk to, the more you’ll refine your specific style and what works for you.
  29. (13 & up) Don’t think doing nice things for girls (giving them flowers, valentines, carrying their books, etc.) will make them like you more. It won’t. But they will swoon over you if you’re a fully complete, self-confident, at ease individual in your own right.
  30. (13 & up) Adolescence sucks. You will likely be filled with insecurities, you’ll be self-conscious, you’ll think you look like a goof, you’ll say dumb things to girls and then obsess about it. It’s only temporary… You’re learning and practicing the skills to be a man and there will be failures and mistakes. Always remember that everyone of your peers is going through the exact same thing.
  31. (17 & up) Push boundaries, take risks and be exciting… Even when you’re scared shitless. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who is unafraid to embrace challenges.
  32. (13 & up) Don’t EVER BE A DOORMAT. The minute a girl disrespects you call her on it. And if she continues to disrespect you “next” her immediately no matter how emotionally difficult it is. This is absolutely critical to build your long term self-respect/self-confidence.

Admittedly, the list isn’t exhaustive, but interested in your thoughts and what else I’m leaving out.

If you cannot teach your son positive masculinity, the Feminine Imperative and a fem-centric world will tech him its version of masculinity.

68 comments

  1. Fantastic. At first glance this seems to be a great foundation. My son just turned 14 and I’ve formulating a similar list to teach him real soon.
    I’ve been working with him on some simple concepts like frame, self improvement, etc. so far but nothing to complex.

  2. I also like the last article very much. It is true, when game is internalized, YOU become the center point of your being. Your needs is the only thing you answer to. Your judgement is the only force affecting your decisions. This is how one can walk up to a girl on the middle of the dance floor, stop her, look her dead in the eyes, and tell her his intentions without fear of rejection. This is what women mean when they say “be yourself”. This is what women mean when they say they want “honesty”. They simply want a man who owns up to his balls. After years of practicing routines, of mentally calculating every second of interaction, this is the realization that I’ve come to. Game was simply the road there.

    PUA-Neo: “Are you saying that I can game girls?”

    PUA-Morpheos: “What I’m saying is, when you’re ready — you won’t have to.”

  3. I really think more effort should be made for these sorts of things to be taught to the young. I think his list is a little long, it could use some consolidation, more philosophy, and perhaps some good quotes from some of the more famous masculine males in history.

    I got none of this as a kid. In fact, I was left to model my own behavior on what the blue pill expected of me, as told to me by the teenage girls around me. The result is, as always, some kind of stoic white knight doormat.

    I would imagine the difficulties in relating to a young daughter would be even more difficult, because of the compressed timespan. Realistically girls should know and thoroughly believe in similar parental instruction almost 10 years earlier than sons need to know such things.

  4. MOST important……read the theory and then PRACTICE..because theory is only useful if you applie it …true wisdom comes from experience.

  5. I’m due to have my first son next week, and I’m planning to raise him on the red pill right from birth. I’m grateful there is a growing number of resources available to help me with that, and I’m glad there’s increasing awareness of red pill knowledge in the mainstream. I’m optimistic that in ten years’ time, much of what is talked about in the manosphere won’t be shocking or new to the average person anymore.

  6. Never be afraid to walk if it’s not a perfect fit. It will hurt for a while, but “settling” for a marriage or LTR that doesn’t make you happy in all ways – physically, emotionally, spiritually – will make you hurt forever.

  7. I never discussed this shit with my boys. Just raised them with high demands and expectations. Other parents quite often thought that I was too strict with them. They were able to make their own breakfast and lunches by 8, do their laundry by 9, and cook themselves and the wife and I dinner by 12.

    The standing joke throughout high school and now into Uni, was if they came home with less then 100%, I would immediately ask where the other percentage points were. Always demanding more.

    By the standards of maleness used to describe males in these manosphere parts, they are both alpha, without the need to act like an asshole.

  8. I would teach my son to not care about girls, and focus on building businesses instead. Being an entrepreneur builds personality, creates true independence, and gives you enough time to find a decent woman while you’re living your dream.

  9. Great topic, article – and picture. This is a subject I have mulled over myself quite a bit. Points like 1, 6 and 30 and 31 would be ones I would teach my son early on – ideas on how and what it means to be a man and not to feel ashamed of his masculinity despite a culture that attempts to demonise it.

    Regarding ideas like hypergamy, one-itis and concepts contained in the 48 laws, as revelatory as they are, I would wait until he experienced his own difficulties or began to raise questions himself about the nature of a man’s experience and then slowly broach the subject with him.

    The RP and unplugging, might be something which you can better grasp if you have a least some experience of what being plugged in actually means. Sure, let him fall “madly in love” with his first girlfriend, then when disillusioned, provide insight – rinse and repeat. He doesn’t need to know exactly what his Dad thinks about everything straight away, and will actually pay more attention if it’s not pushed on him too quickly.
    We all need context upon which to base advice and the last thing I’d want was my son spouting RP ideas at Xmas dinner or worse, when angry with his mother or another female adult, dropping a bomb like “well, my Dad says…” without really understanding the implications of what he was doing.

    In short, perhaps small nuggets of wisdom as and when, with in-between time for reflection, would be my preference to a huge manifesto early on, which I would worry a very young person would struggle to put into context and may even misunderstand or reject.

    And should I be faced with the task of raising a daughter as a RP father, scrap that and back to the drawing board.

  10. The female imperative and femcentric view of everything is imposed on boys starts very young. I just spent an afternoon caring for my 4 yr old nephew and his natural wildness and disregard is being treated like a “behavioral” problem by his mother. They are giving him “focus” drops, he’s has books that talk about how to listen and say please etc.

    His older sister (7) believes he has a behavioral issue. She was just as difficult at his age, yet tells me she never was that way – when I in fact used to watch her too at that age can say she was at least as difficult. The entire family has bought in, including Dad. Fyi, don’t get me wrong, this boy is not listening that well, we had an issue that had me end our sleigh riding outing because of it. But there was no yelling or shaming, we just moved on to walking in the snowy woods chasing animal footprints in the snow, and I see nothing abnormal about his behavior. His sister would never have wanted to stalk a rabbit for an hour traipsing through the woods – but he jumped at the chance.

    My point is that his masculine traits are being shamed and suppressed already. He’s also already very athletic and can ski amazingly for a 4 yr old. What he needs is lots of outdoors time where his physicality can be soaked up with play/contructive endeavors. It really makes me sad to see what is being done to him and since digesting the Red Pill all looks so different.

    So I don’t know that waiting till 13 or so makes much sense. I can just imagine little Keenan being shamed by teachers as he goes into elementary school and the girl-superiority he’s going to be dipped into. I want him to go to an all boys school, but that isn’t even possible where he lives nor is there any idea that this could be good for him.

    Great article, thanks Rollo!

  11. A man was featured on NPR who had cancer and wrote 800ish pithy quotes on napkins to put and be put in his daughter’s lunch every day until she turned 18.

    I wonder if that’s a method we can mind. The lists are good but delivery is important. A small bit digests longer and more deeply than a treatise. I never liked the idea of “the talk”. I always thought a series of minor talks would be more like it as with conveying that I’m always open and there’s always more nuggets of wisdom to share.

  12. “The entire family has bought in, including Dad. ”

    Whenever I see a mother reprimanding her son for basically nothing more than being young lad and doing the boisterous things they do – and then I see the father, hands in pockets standing behind her muttering, “Son, do what your mother tells you” or worse, a husband who sheepishly supports his wife’s decision to dress their son in girl’s clothes and go on TV, I can but place both hands over my face and shake my head, and wonder how on earth we got to this point.

  13. My sons and I have talked a lot about this. My oldest is the most Red Pill, having had a great experience with a young cutie a couple years ago – that perfectly illustrated the concepts many of us have accepted as “general knowledge” now (but like many others, I wish I had all this while growing up).

    My youngest, is just emerging as recognizing all these things. It’s tough for him right now … but one of the best things in the world was when his brother said to him … “let’s go to the mall and get some phone numbers” … it was a very proud moment for me. And when they got back, they had stories to tell … and we all know that stories are the essence of life and allow us to relive all the colors, smells, sights and sounds.

    Right now, I focus more on “find that fire in your belly, that thing that will leave a void in your life if you’re not striving for it” — because at the end of the day, chicks dig scars.

  14. @ Eris

    “wonder how on earth we got to this point”

    @ Charlotte

    “much of what is talked about in the Manosphere won’t be shocking or new to the average person anymore.”

    George Orwell instantly came to mind.

    “The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.”

  15. If you are concerned about your young men being enslaved to entitled women’s desires to use men, don’t encourage them to stick their dicks in them and crow about using “game” to get laid. Sticking their dicks in strange women is the major contributor to the problem that men make. It can also play right into the hands of a smart woman who knows how she can trap a man using his own game against him. If you don’t think that happens, you haven’t been paying attention.

    I’d say the admonition against using porn in this day and age has it exactly backwards. If you just want a nut, fap on, don’t chase strange that has it’s own agenda. The disease, pregnancy and financial risk is too high to risk in the random slut encounter.

  16. Great article, Rollo!!!

    I have one criticism of it: it’s female-centric. It presumes a man’s world revolves around women and a man’s value is defined by women.

    Therefore I would add a couple:

    * learn to live without women, go for periods in your life without a relationship, and master the bachelor lifestyle as knowing you can be very happy as a bachelor (maybe more happy as a bachelor than in a relationship?) will give you power over yourself and it will enable you to define yourself independently of women. Betadom begins when a man measures himself in relation to women, eg, his ability to score, his notch number, or the beauty of his woman.

    A man’s first buddy in life is his father. Therefore:

    * love and value your buddies and learn to cultivate male friendship as male friendship is one of the most rewarding things in life. The women in your life will not understand male friendship, many will be jealous of it, many will degrade it by calling it “repressed homo-eroticism,” and your woman will attempt to isolate you from your buddies. Don’t let her do that. Other than your mother, women will never love you for who you are while your buddies will love you for who you are. Read the ancient philosophers on male friendship – they valued friendship over romantic love. The ancients would view us modern men as weaklings. Male competition is cultivated in America to such an extent that many men do little more in life than work and compete order to attract a woman and ultimately serve her and her nest. Therefore, learn not to compete with your buddies, embrace their successes, and realize their successes reflect well upon you. Be a good wing man. Never cock block a buddy. And always congratulate a buddy when he succeeds or scores with a hottie. Your buddies will be a realm where you can escape the relentless competition you will face as a man in this upside down modern world.

  17. I received this email this morning:

    Dear Mr. Tomassi,

    My name is Craig Kaempfer. I’m a soldier serving in the U.S. Army as my father did before me, and up until a year ago I had thought I had an accurate concept of what masculinity was all about. As you might guess, it couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

    My story is much the same as hundreds, or thousands, of others who have discovered the Red Pill. Failed relationships, continued beta behaviors, lack of real self-esteem, etc. Being the military clouded by judgement more than most, as it brought with it a sense of manliness and superiority. My father, who discovered the Red Pill just a little too late to save his marriage to my mother, introduced me to the Manosphere and the Pill when I returned from Afghanistan. With a somber look, as we sat over beers and dinner one night, he reached into his bag and brought out your book. He said he wanted me to read it, and to tell him what I thought.

    Of course, I was skeptical, then amazed, then angry, then accepting. In short, I wanted to thank you for opening my eyes the reality of the world I live in. I sit here in an open field watching the Apaches go by at the age of 22, thanking God that I was woken up in time to use the knowledge to the fullest extent I am capable.

    You have done me and my father a great service, and I thank you deeply for it.

    Regards,

    Craig

    I don’t know what I’m gonna do the rest of the weekend,..

  18. Nobody is gonna teach the young boys that feminists are the scum of the world and should be completely banned from mankind? Children have to be protected from feminist propaganda.

  19. Rollo… I’m the guy who wrote the RP post. Very flattered and surprised to see it reposted here.

    You probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that The Rational Male (website and book – which I’ve read twice), were seminal in helping me formulate the first draft of this for my own son while at the same time rebooting my own concept of what it means to be a man.

    Like the 22 year old soldier above, I also went through skepticism, anger, and then finally acceptance, but the most surprising part of the RP journey to me has been an inner calm, stillness and confidence that eluded me most of my life.

    That’s what I want to share with my own brood.

    So… thanks!

  20. Bach: The ancients would view us modern men as weaklings.
    Well they did have the incomparable luxury of being legally able to settle many disputes with a mere couple of feet of cast tin-bronze, unless they were in one of the many slave categories.
    I’d like to see them take on a SWAT team from the old villa.

  21. “(13 & up) Don’t EVER BE A DOORMAT. The minute a girl disrespects you call her on it. And if she continues to disrespect you “next” her immediately no matter how emotionally difficult it is. This is absolutely critical to build your long term self-respect/self-confidence.”

    Should life grace me with a son (hopefully sons) this rule will be #1 with a bullet. I believe all the shortcomings of men, especially in the West, are a direct result from a willingness to put up with disrespect.

    People think the song “Respect” was written and sung by Aretha Franklin.
    But it was written by Otis Redding. A man, telling his woman whatever she needs she’ll get, so long as she gives him her respect.

    Sometime, long ago, I believe the lines of chivalry and disrespect became blurred. There’s nothing chivalrous in tolerating a disrespectful woman.

    Chivalry needs a rebuild IMO. We need to take rules like those posted above and come up with a solid Manosphere Bushido. 10-15 principled truths so that young men know where to go when they can’t find answers elsewhere. Self-respect/Self-reliance chief among them.

  22. “Smile more, smirk less.” I know my son has seen much of this working, but from bad boys doing it and nice guys not doing it. Rather than requalify some bad boy, such as “Rollo’s really a good man”, I’m thinking it might be best (since he didn’t see it at home) for him to see an already good man smirking more.

  23. Re: “I’m optimistic that in ten years’ time, much of what is talked about in the manosphere won’t be shocking or new to the average person anymore.” Maybe so. It’s mainstream enough that I (that was a capital I in case you can’t tell) find myself contributing to “what is talked about in the manosphere” in early 2014. I suspect a lot of what was learned in psychosocial circles postFreud was feared and suppressed and diverted in the previous four generations, in order to nurture feminism.

    Maybe the fact of promoting PUA activities as a sort of handbook for garage laboratories, cooking up batches of dangerous but headily effective stuff, will lead to the release of that previous knowledge and its extension with experimental knowledge gained in large modern labs i.e. university research curricula.

  24. Some of the comments (particularly Bachelorocles’) here raise an issue that is a stark reality for me, and I’m certain all men, whether they realise it (Red Pill), or not (Blue Pill). I live in Australia, which is no less femcentric than Uncle Sam. In a world where absolutely everything is geared toward satisfaction of women’s demands of entitlement, there is literally nowhere to go for men to be men. Where can men go to get-together and be men?; a refuge, a sanctuary from the in-your-face femcentricism of the world at large; to validate, affirm, strengthen, encourage, edify our masculinity; to dose up on Red Pills together; to dissolve the Blue Pill social conventions we’ve internalised; bricks and mortar places where men, and men only can gather to build up their masculinity?
    Women have been hugely successful in dividing and conquering men and their masculinity as a whole; men divided against (at war with) one another; women have broken us up (men, masculinity) as a whole; women have divided men, one against the other, set us at war with one another; more than simple competition/rivalry. Women have literally fractured men (masculinity) as a whole. We’ve internalised that fracturing by women of men as a whole too; men have distanced themselves from one another, and set themselves against each other through their internalised feminisation (is that a word?). I’m not talking about healthy rivalry among men, but would go as far as to say men even hating other men, men hating their own kind. At the least there is animosity, distrust among men, if not outright hatred, precisely as feminism would have it (divide and conquer).
    It’s all well and good to say it starts with the individual, but a man is not an island either, and (real, Red Pill) men need to lead other men (as a group) as well, which I just don’t see happening outside of the internet manosphere.
    As men, we need a concerted effort.
    I’m sure I’m not saying anything new here; just thought I’d throw it in.

  25. Re: the idea that women enjoy something. Quelle horreur!

    I claim it is a Good Thing if a man manipulates his wife into making sandwiches and she discovers that she enjoys making them.

  26. Prioritize sports over studying, etc. The knock on effects of playing sports are immediate and compound into the later stages of life, while studying might start paying off in your 20s if you’re lucky and pick the right career. Boys have a hardwired need for physical competition, to feel strong and competent, and to be viewed favorably by their peers. The reason they have emotions is to prompt them to develop physically and socially. The reason boys are so powerfully drawn to video games and TV because it gratifies these hardwired needs but only as fantasy, only vicariously.

  27. The one thing missing from the article and the comments is LEAD BY EXAMPLE. You can’t just tell your son what to do and not to do, you can’t just give him a list to memorize.

    You have to BE alpha and LIVE according to the advice you’ve written.
    If your son sees how you interact with women, he will follow that example from a very young age, even if he doesn’t understand the concepts.

  28. Manlymen’s point +1. Unfortunately I’m in the situation of being new to the red pill and he’s 23 already, and I’m sure one of the things making him mgtow is how he saw his mother treating me.

  29. I am writing essays for my two sons about appropriate masculinity and social dynamics.

    At the top of this page:
    http://davidvs.net/hobbies/

    One regret I have is that I do not include enough references. I am trying to write about issues that might help them years before they are ready for manosphere blogs. I would like to say “Thanks to Rollo for this idea” a few times within the essays. But it is more age-appropriate to instead give them a copy of your book when they are older. So thank you here and now, Rollo, for what you have helped me pass along.

  30. If you’re doing it right, he will already know these things by 13. He just won’t have the vocabulary or the resolve that comes with being conscious of what he knows. Everyday instances of red pill truth need to be used as examples and teaching moments. When you do have the talk, he should have an instant “so that’s why things work that way” moment.

  31. there is literally nowhere to go for men to be men.

    You’re right that there are not formal places, but you can make your own. Take your sons camping, shooting, hiking, etc. NO WOMEN ALLOWED. Teach them how to build a fire without matches, how to use a knife, how to build a shelter, how to hunt, fish and survive. Activities like this will help to teach some of these things when he is older, like number 6.

    And as Manlyman said above, most, if not all, of these can be taught by example starting at a very early age; things like being Nice will get you no where.

    For those interested in raising daughters, these were my thoughts here and here.

  32. Pretty much on the money as you would expect from a season campaigner. I’d say it is from a generic perspective, but this is totally valid as they all apply to the mass male population. The processes do need to be slightly adjusted in relevance to your (the man’s) own looks, but the fundamentals stay the same.

    It’s imperative to understand the differences in women and men. The below links offer a little more meat on this subject:

    http://www.vinaywcmd.com/2013/09/1-five-fundamental-differences-between_6568.html

    http://www.vinaywcmd.com/2013/10/five-fundamental-differences-between.html

  33. I think it’s important to share with your son the enormous “consequence” of marriage and children. It’s also important to share with him the various ways women will try to trap him into marriage and children. It’s important to let him know that there’s really no expectation that he should marry and have kids despite what he sees in movies and on TV or hears in the church. It’s also important to emphasize his responsibility once he confirms (beyond any doubt) that he is a father. It’s important for you to share with him the horrors of divorce, child support, and spousal support.

  34. I think most of us are responsible males. My father wasn’t. My Mom saw her first child support payment last year as a result of my father declaring bankruptcy… I was 38 years old… better late than never I guess. It would have been better if I had a decent pair of shoes growing up. My father seemed to procreate children wherever he found himself, but he never took any responsibility for them. He left a trail of misery around the country. I feel that while we’re teaching our boys to be men, we should teach them to be responsible men. It’s important not to send a mixed message about game vs consequences vs being responsible… be clear about it.

  35. With deer season over, our church is holding its annual men’s group Wild Game Supper. It’s been so cold that it will be very heavy on deer with little fish. In the past I’ve been known to be one of the many to provide a mystery dish, but this year I’m bringing the two ducks I haven’t eaten yet, probably just barbecue-braised.

    None of my manly activities has ever boosted my attractiveness to women. It doesn’t work that way.

  36. 33. Lift weights and learn a physical combative sport such as wrestling or a form of mma. Every man should have an outlet for their energy and know how to defend themselves.

  37. @jf12

    “None of my manly activities has ever boosted my attractiveness to women. It doesn’t work that way.”

    The hell it doesn’t. You’re hanging around the wrong women.

    I hunt, I fish, I am a biker (motorcycle), I carry a sidearm openly as a “civilian” (yes, I open carry, gasp), I fly small aircraft (PPL), I do leather working and I can frame a house in a pinch if necessary. Every single one of these things, when framed properly, is a positive in women’s eyes. Especially the open carry, which marks you to pretty much every woman you pass on the street as either 1) A Real Man From The Old Stories Of Years Gone By and/or 2) Dangerous. Both are positives.

    Women who don’t appreciate a man who can not only take down game, but cook it properly into a tasty meal, is not a woman that’s worth the spit one would cast at the ground at her feet. Given the state of modern Feminine Imperative Preaching churches, I suspect that you’re already surrounded by a bevy of Entitled Princesses For Jesus, hence the reaction you don’t seem to be provoking.

  38. Re: continuing doing what you think ought to work, especially when it used to work in earlier centuries, but hasn’t worked for you in your life or in anyone else’s life that you know in real life since the sexual revolution. Defined as insanity.

  39. “as far as the eye can see.”

    I figured. Find new places where women respond to masculinity. There are plenty of them left, but I’d be sore pressed to name any of those places the modern “Men must become docile beta slaves to their wives, in the name of The Lord” churches. I’m Christian btw, so I’m not dissing religion, rather, what major segments of the Christian church have become thanks to feminism.

    Also, if this is the trend in your church (which it may well be?), then I urge you to sit down with your pastor and discuss this in depth. He may be helping build the machine that is intent on destroying him and all Christianity and he may well not even realize it.

    “Re: continuing doing what you think ought to work, especially when it used to work in earlier centuries, but hasn’t worked for you in your life or in anyone else’s life that you know in real life since the sexual revolution. Defined as insanity.”

    As to how I act, it’s worked a treat in my life, and continues to do so. You don’t have to believe me and frankly I could give two shits if you do or not, we’re both just anonymous men on the internet after all, right? I’m just letting you know that your pessimism and defeatism are a product of your environment and maybe a change up of venue is on order. Also, women can read and feel defeatism and pessimism a mile away, so that kind of attitude may be hindering you even if you don’t realize it.

    I feel your pain brother, but they can sense it and, as evidenced by your words, seem to react to it, and that only reinforces your struggle with them.

    Most women pretend to be feminists, but the old hard wired triggers are still there and they respond like anticipated. The only girls I’ve found that don’t respond are either the uber feminists (the ones who *truly* believe the bullshit) or the super Christian chicks who have purchased feminism with a side of Lord and Savior and expect you to become Hippy Jesus and a supplicating beta.

    Problem is, those first Crusaders were not cowed beta men walking around worshipping their wives rather they were warriors for God and would beat down and conquer the world if given half a chance (which actually, they did) and their wives answered to them.

    Out here in flyover country there are still plenty of men about, and women respond to that positively. Believe as you will, it doesn’t matter, end of the day it works for me and makes life wonderful. Change up your venue, expand your horizons, find new places to explore and haunt. I promise you that out here a lot of women dig this kind of thing.

  40. “Problem is, those first Crusaders were not cowed beta men walking around worshipping their wives rather they were warriors for God and would beat down and conquer the world if given half a chance (which actually, they did) and their wives answered to them.” They left their wives home. Just saying.

  41. Yes, they did. They did because they did not answer to their wives and did not place their wives on the pedestal as modern Christians are taught to do. And when they came back home their wives were there waiting on them and treating them as the men that they were.

    I’m not entirely certain what your point is, to be frank. If life isn’t giving you what you think you want, find a better place to ply your skills, talents and trade.

  42. This is such a spot-on article. Everything, everything is about frame and dominance. The rest is just details.

  43. | If you start getting a lot of shit tests, re-evaluate your frame — you’re probably coming across as too needy.

    Isn’t that backwards? The more confidently you show yourself, the more you will get tested.

  44. “Isn’t that backwards?” Women are backwards, yes. Throughout my life I got routinely shit tested by essentially every woman, even passing strangers. Currently approximately the only women who aren’t testing me are the ones that I flirted with from the instant I met them.

  45. “(13 & up)Develop a keen understanding of the psychological/biological nature of women… Understand how girls think. They are ALWAYS looking to upgrade. If you’re not always the “best in show”, they WILL cheat on you find someone else.”

    I’m sure it’s been said before but maybe combining/adding the idea that “genuine desire cannot be negotiated” and “if she’s not fucking you, she’s fucking someone else.” Perhaps not at 13 though. 🙂

  46. Question: Where is the image at the head of the article from?
    It is familiar to me but I cannot place it.

  47. @girlwithdragonflytatoo – I checked out your website and was impressed. I usually am not interested in what women have to say in the Red Pill world because invariably they set themselves up to “femsplain” things to men, so soaked in their female imperative and privilege that they cannot see. You, on the other hand, don’t offer a lecture but rather just seem to actually want to be good to men. Wow.

    As for your little brother, check out these two vids on YouTube and see if you think they’d be good for your bro. One is an excerpt of Rollo’s book read aloud on how attraction works http://youtu.be/DQMnHUTw0s0 – it’s 8 mins and a nice intro. As well, Nick Krauser, a more pure PUA, did a fantastic interview on the London Real channel where he really did a great job not falling for the shit tests and maintaining his frame – http://youtu.be/mpYWQRpxzQs. I think for men, better sex is a great motivator to learn about Game – even though it’s much deeper than that in its effect on men, so you could tell your brother that it simply will help him be much more successful with women and to have much better relationships with them.

    I wish you luck and again, thanks for seeming to actually appreciating men.

  48. Thank you I will… you’re right the book is a better idea. Our mom was just different… feminist to some degree, but then not really when it came to me and the training she gave me in understanding men. There are a lot more like me I promise, I think it’s generational. Gen Y’s are the product of a lot of failed marriages or divorces… a lot of women I know are backlashing against what their mothers did (pursue career first, put children on the backburner along with husband – who came after the kids of course). Not all, but maybe a growing minority….

  49. Waiting until 13 is about a dozen years too late to matter. Children form their understanding of sexual roles and how the world works in their first few years, mostly by the age of 3. If you wait until 13 or later to tell your children the truth they will already be completely and totally indoctrinated with the Feminine Imperative and female supremacy.

    At 13, much less 17, you will be challenging what represents their core ideas of who they are and how the world works, how men and women should ideally relate, at exactly the same time their hormones are pushing them to rebel from their parents to become independent thinking people. You know, those hormones that make kids refuse to be seen with their parents in public, and make them say things like “you’re so old, you don’t know ANYTHING!” Disney will have made sure they have all the correct attitudes firmly implanted.

    I encourage parents to look into the available knowledge on how children physically and socially develop. The vast majority of you will be stunned how quickly and how totally children’s ideas of who they are and how the world works are formed.

    If you want to have a real impact on what your children understand of the world you must start as soon as they are born, you must SHOW them how it works by how you live and how you talk about things. You must prevent the children oriented media programing them quickly into little feminist robots. Because that’s why that programming is there, to reach into your home and suborn your children into thinking “proper” thoughts.

    This is where it gets hard. Because if you are serious about raising children who actually understand the world and not get programmed to believe a bunch of lies then you can’t use TV or most video games as a baby sitter. Most parents do. Child raising will consume vastly more of your time. As with most things doing whats bad is easy and doing what is good is hard. Its up to you.

  50. My own thoughts which you may not like, but that’s the point of critical discussion right?

    1. (13 & up) Don’t chase. Be aloof. Let girls come to you. If you do pursue, do it in a carefully calculated way: Pursue and retreat. Push and pull.

    Make her chase you. As a man, you need to initiate and lead but frame her as the chaser and you as the selector.

    1. (13 & up) Texting, phone calls, etc… Be disciplined in your response. Use the 1-3 ratio in responding to her texts, phone calls. Give her one short text response/phone conversation for every three she gives you.

    Pointless rule that will make him overthink pointless details. Personally, would remove this altogether

    1. (17 & up) Niceness will never get you laid, but will put you forever in the friend zone and give you a terrible case of blue balls.

    False. Niceness doesn’t put a man in the friendzone, but lack of personal boundaries, going for what you want, and lacking dominance/assertiveness will. Be a nice guy, not The Nice Guy. Kindness actually increases attractiveness for both genders (backed by science)

    1. (17 & up) Be a leader in every relationship. If you’re on a date, make sure you’re doing something that YOU want to do. She can come along for the ride.

    How about doing something you BOTH want to do?

    1. (17 & up) Understand shit tests and learn to master them. Girls will always be qualifying you to make sure you’re the alpha male she wants you to be. If you start getting a lot of shit tests, re-evaluate your frame — you’re probably coming across as too needy.

    Shit tests are overrated. They definitely exist, but consistent shit tests if you’re already a boss means she has a shitty personality and no manners. These are more common when you suck with girls and are trying to get better

    1. (17 & up) Girls will love you, but only opportunistically. If you demonstrate lower value (DLV), their love for you will evaporate.

    Cynical. Redundant to previous points. Don’t focus on girls, but people in general will take advantage of you if you do not express your personal boundaries.

    1. (17 & up) Show your beta traits occasionally, but use extreme caution when dong so. Girls will want to see that you are stoic, self-reliant, and confident. If you want a shoulder to cry on, get a dog. Use beta comfort only as a reward for good behavior.

    Totally agree. Some vulnerability is good, but women want strong men who handle their own shit and don’t constantly get emotional.

    1. (13 & up) As an adolescent, you will be consumed with thoughts of sex. Fapping is inevitable. Don’t overdo it though. Control your masculine energy so that it can be harnessed outwardly instead of inwardly in the realm of fantasy.

    Use no fap and horniness as the energy to go out and talk to and fuck real women.

    1. (17 & up) Embrace the fact that men have huge sexual appetites. Never be ashamed of this and fully appreciate your masculine sexuality.

    YES!

    1. (17 & up) Make sure that your sexual market rank is at least 1-2 points above hers at all times. This can be done either with attitude, physical fitness, your life passion or some combination of the above.

    Again, too analytical and specific. Will only serve to build anxiety and put
    him in his head.

    1. (13 & up) Don’t EVER BE A DOORMAT. The minute a girl disrespects you call her on it. And if she continues to disrespect you “next” her immediately no matter how emotionally difficult it is. This is absolutely critical to build your long term self-respect/self-confidence.

    YES YES YES. Respect and self-respect is the foundation for success.

  51. The flip side to doing nice things for or being nice to girls is if she does something nice for you, or gets you a gift, take a moment to ponder her motivations behind it.
    Is it something she thinks you really like? Is it out of liking you? Or is it a way of directing you or changing you into something she likes? Or is it a setup for some future plan?
    I also slightly disagree with being nice or doing something nice for a girl. It can work for you. However, like I read on Return of Kings, do it if you want to. Not out of thinking she’ll appreciate you for it or to gain points. Once a girl that showed interest, the very next time I saw her she was on crutches due to a pulled hamstring from playing soccer. Carried her book (she could’ve made it okay without that), but I also smacked her on the butt with it when we got to where she was going.

  52. I will comment on advice number 31: (17 & up) Push boundaries, take risks and be exciting… Even when you’re scared shitless. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who is unafraid to embrace challenges.

    I’m talking about the last sentence, pushing boundaries and taking risks is a good thing to do, this is the place for growth and flow, but the reasoning, I believe and in my own introspection and studies, is coming from the wrong place. Women are there, of course, but for me, taking risks isn’t about impressing anyone. Taking risks for women to know that you’re a man unafraid to embrace challenges is like a little kid doing some stunt and calling mommy and friends to see it; it is fully dependent on external validation (a little may be acceptable and maybe healthy, because we are social animals, but to fully depend on it is where a man loses himself and therefore, his happiness, and in my opinion, is childish and un-manly). Rather, the reason why we should take risks is so that we can push boundaries, so that we will grow. In fact, from my own practice of living, it is during times when I do slightly more than what I can that I experience what is known as the optimal experience. Moreover, we should train ourselves in facing risks because a lot depends on our ability to do so. For example, if we don’t take risks, we will not eat. It is just must less pronounced in the modern world because the only obvious risks are on entreprenuerial ventures, or political office or competition. But for our ancestors, this risks is very real, because if they don’t hunt for wild animals, the wild animals will hunt them, if famine hasn’t killed them yet. To adjust the importance of risk-taking in the modern civilization: if we don’t take risks, we will not make use of our full potential (thus, there is no fulfillment in our lives), and unhappiness, regret, and a life of distraction will consume us.

    Let’s take risks, not to impress women, and not only for the promise of growth and greater capability, but because it is where the advancement of humanity relies (like the discovery of the New World and the airplane), and because it is where our strengths are used beyond imagining which in turn gives us the optimal experience.

  53. Want to know what’s a lot more difficult, and even more important?

    Showing your son(s) concrete examples of these things in the home. Very difficult indeed. Plus you are limited to one woman, and personality type. I learned all my patriarchal, alpha behaviors from my father’s example. I didn’t have the manosphere, but those learned behaviors went a long way.

  54. “If you cannot teach your son positive masculinity, the Feminine Imperative and a fem-centric world will tech him its version of masculinity.”

    At 27 just getting to that with my creator. Used to get hit for calling him “dad”

    Forgiveness in life is the hardest thing to learn for me as a man.

    Thank You Rollo

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