Field Reports

lion-chasing-gazelle

For the past three years of The Rational Male there’s been a consistent presence in the comment threads of guys seeking advice for particular situations with regards to Game. Whether it’s fine tuning certain aspects of Game or a larger consensus of the guys participating in my comment threads it’s become obvious there’s a need for a dedicated page and comment thread to address these Field Reports.

So I’m instituting this page for exactly this. If there is some urgency to have members of The Rational Male community analyze your particular situation feel free to hit anyone up in the comments of my current post, but please refer them to your particular field report with a link to your comment here. I’m hoping this will alleviate the mass of posts for field report analysis and Game specific insights piled into the main blog post for any given week.

There will be some rules for this “forum” as such. I ask that you only keep your comments to addressing the field reports at hand and save your larger theoretical stuff for the main posts, or if relevant, keep the “bigger scope of things” posts to being as succinct as possible. There will be no moderation in this comment thread (spamming excepted), so realize it will be a very hot kitchen before you post. I will impose no restrictions on video links here, nor will I limit links to various, but pertinent articles.

Understand, this is an experiment for now. It’s likely this comment thread will exceed thousands of comments. I’ll be instituting new comment plug-ins for wordpress to deal with this in the future, but I may archive this page the the posts and refresh this page in the future as well. If this gets cumbersome I may simply institute a dedicated forum-style sub-site of The Rational Male to accommodate for Game specific questions.

So have at it, post your field reports and feel free to comment on the ones you have some particular insight for. Be forewarned that it’s likely things may get a bit salty at times and I expect a lot of back & forth with debate and disagreements, but that’s what this thread is for – to hash out Game particulars for your given situations.

 

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asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@ HABD

what you have to do to turn it around WILL seem rude as f*k though…lol…

And what might that be?

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@asappleeze

no time right now to analyze a path to daylight for you, but first up is no contact for at least 2 weeks… just ignore anything from her… and don’t YOU initiate anything…

good luck!

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

asappleeze

is no contact for at least 2 weeks

This allows a reset, she can think back to the good alpha stuff you did the night you banged and then start to second guess your moment of weakness.

will the real ASAPPLEEZE stand up?

no contact means no contact btw 😉

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

fellas. Understood.

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
2 years ago

SFC Ton is back posting again. Still in good form.

https://tonsplace.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/field-report/

This morning he told me, since the lock down tons of bitches who flaked on him etc in the past have been hitting him up via text message and social media. Do they want the D? Nope, they want to be entertained. He quickly stumbled onto that becuase one chick called him out for not being very entertaining.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

ASA If you can stand it–the cognitive dissonance and the paradox. I don’t take back anything I said. At all. I do endorse the recomendations of Palma/Sentient/HABD to you. They are skilled in what they do. Q.E.D. And I don’t mind their well placed comments about me. I’ve been around long enough to to know this, but also know there is more to the story. E.g, bangs vs. relationship game. One has to make a choice at every turn. And your job, if you wish to accept it is to make a path towards what you want. Umm, Sorry? if… Read more »

walawala
walawala
2 years ago

@Morpheum: Would LOVE to hear expanded thoughts here especially really specific granular DOs and DONT’S. I suspect in some of my interactions I’m starting in default AF mode but quickly moving myself into the “relationship potential” box.<<< This is the essence of the entire blog. You’re asking for a crash course and that’s not how adopting the Red Pill (aka TRUTH) works. This is a process rather than a prescription. I’ll say it again so everyone takes note: The Red Pill is a process not a prescription.<<< Do’s/Don’ts are a clickbait summary of what is a wholesale mindset and lifestyle… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
2 years ago

@Morpheus:

You may also find Archie’s blog interesting. His archives go back a few years.

http://www.westindianarchie.com/

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@palmasailor you just have to own what you want from your life. Do you even know? Good question. I think I can answer that in one word tbh; ‘freedom.’ Which until very recently would have been a nebulous woo woo concept which I could not explain how to arrive at (although I’d have assumed that meditating myself there would have been the answer). Now I would say that it comes from self determination, through application of the will. What does that look like? With women, I want to enjoy their company on my terms. Money / Career – Income generation… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Asappleeze Palma killing it here. A few points I put my blue pill perception of her needs before my own. It’s not just her BP needs, it was your BP needs as well. The conditioning to say sorry, to defer to her feelings, the payback you got from doing so “now I’m not an asshole”… Recognize this. It takes a loong time from when you are exposed to it and many interactions for the RP to overtake the BP. “Knowing” is not enough until it matches with “doing”. missing the point that she has other needs, and I reflexively allocated… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@sentient ‘It’s not just her BP needs, it was your BP needs as well. The conditioning to say sorry, to defer to her feelings, the payback you got from doing so “now I’m not an asshole”… Recognize this. It takes a loong time from when you are exposed to it and many interactions for the RP to overtake the BP. “Knowing” is not enough until it matches with “doing”.’ Acknowledged. In fact I had a conversation on the phone with a good pal who is on it in all respects in life but for the blue pill bit. We are… Read more »

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@asappleeze need some more info… So all the doubt and regret and all the rest of it come up, and I could not tolerate it. this was FI/BP conditioning for sure…lol… but the question is did any of this^^^ come through in your subcomms (vocal intonation, word choice, phrasing, etc)?… or were you more matter of fact about saying ‘it was a mistake’?… So I rang her and told her I had made a mistake in what I said in the text. I did not grovel or apologize or anything else. anything else about this that might be significant?… ask… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@HABD So, to try to flesh it out a bit more. I will try to go for verbatim plus subcomms as best I can. Before phoning I had brought to mind I think Heartistes Poon commandments in which, I believe, he says you have just two apologies at your disposal in an entire relationship with a woman and to use them wisely. And that otherwise, be vague and say ‘mistakes were made etc.’ So I had decided before picking up the phone that I was not going to apologize. So I phoned about 9.30pm and she answered after about four… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Asappleeze *the only part of the interaction i actually enjoyed was shortly before i fucked her from behind, i spanked her in a way I have never done with a woman before. i.e not because its what i’ve learned that women secretly desire, i just really let loose and give her a good hiding BECAUSE I WANTED TO. was a total turn on and the rest of it paled by comparison. and interestingly when she texted me afterwards one of the things she said was ‘just thinking about that spanking makes me wet. Alpha in action. Bold for emphasis… Your… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago
Reply to  Sentient

there was some other interesting learning for me in that experience. after the deed was done and we were lying on the bed (I did not even know her real name, just some tinder pseudonym) , she asked me when the last time i had sex was. i said a week or so. i asked her, how long for you? she said three months. i was like, fuck me thats a long time. she says ‘yeah. I’m married. Are you happy now?’ She then went ‘it will be over soon. I’m not like that. Its not me.’ I laughed. Anyone… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

I used to have an ex that would not come and see me when i was on my period and it was horrible.

https://therationalmale.com/2019/07/31/alpha-widows/

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

ASA What motivated that feeling? Well, for one thing we’re in the middle of a fucking lockdown, I live alone, and it occured to me that it would have been a better Wednesday night for me to have her buy me dinner again and suck my dick. Also, i enjoyed this girls company. And thought it would be nice to see her again. So it did feel like a mistake in that moment. So i was motivated by the fact that I had harmed my prospects of a fun night and gaining experience from being with a good looking woman… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago
Reply to  SJF

appreciate the feeback

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago
Reply to  SJF

@palmasailor

hungarian is a different bird, met her on tinder.

lol croydon indeed. ex lives in a lovely house in a leafy suburb of surrey though…

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Palma

That line stood out to me exactly the same.

I’ll bet he banged her for a decade.

Probably still is every six months… lol

perfect Epiphany Girl…. 32 and “not like that anymore”… doesn’t wan’t “an asshole” etc.

but still responds to the appearance of Alpha, which by Asa’s FR he had pretty well done over two interactions.

Verdict… he will get sex from her again, as a beta supplicant nice guy. But it will be on her terms.

Unless… unless he can tap into that Alpha vein…

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago
Reply to  Sentient

‘Verdict… he will get sex from her again, as a beta supplicant nice guy. But it will be on her terms.’

lol

‘Unless… unless he can tap into that Alpha vein…’

I’m all ears.

feeling miles fucking better today, good energy again, zero pining after the bird, zero worries about what will come next, that is the truth. and even that is progress.

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Asa ‘yeah. I’m married. Are you happy now?’ She then went ‘it will be over soon. I’m not like that. Its not me.’ I laughed. Anyone want to unpack that little diatribe of hers a little, seemed to me like some pretty fucking epic rationalization going on there. I’d say your reaction – via subcomms – triggered some ASD. If you are going to be the Secret Society big swinging alpha dick, you need to be ‘sex positive” as the kids say and not judgmental at all… You need to affirm her choice to get it on the side and… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

ASA Me: Anyway you can sneak around the curfew. Was looking forward to spanking your lovely ass… Her: But Croydon is just so completely out of my way. Dunno if that would go down well Me: Maybe not. Its up to you. Having you on your knees sucking my cock can wait till after the curfew I guess… Her: lol (lol i did not see that coming) Her: I could meet some handsome policemen on my way and suck their cock instead (lol i did not see that coming) Me: Not my business whose cock you suck. As long as… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Oh. and after you get a lol to the baby carrot (or whatever cocky funny thing you said to destroy her shit test) you just go back to logistics.

You: Be over at 8. etc.

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@sentient @palmasailor thanks for the feedback on the texts with the tinder bird

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@asappleeze well, it seems like you are failing your way to success…lol @HABD So, to try to flesh it out a bit more. I will try to go for verbatim plus subcomms as best I can. Before phoning I had brought to mind I think Heartistes Poon commandments in which, I believe, he says you have just two apologies at your disposal in an entire relationship with a woman and to use them wisely. And that otherwise, be vague and say ‘mistakes were made etc.’ note – ‘mistakes were made’ is NOT the same as ‘((I)) made a mistake’…lol So… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

@asappleeze ‘well, it seems like you are failing your way to success…lol’ If I am catching your drift here, we were basically having two completely different conversations in terms of how the interaction may have been perceived ‘note – ‘mistakes were made’ is NOT the same as ‘((I)) made a mistake’…lol’ difference noted for future reference ‘Me: Hello ‘girlsname’ (deep voice, assertive, commanding etc) Her: Hello Asaplleeze. Whats going on? (slightly indignant tone)’ ‘sh*t test…’ Had not noted it as such. noted for future reference ‘Me: I just wanted to say regarding those texts that I made a mistake. (same… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

@Sentient I know you are more experienced with the religious stuff, so I think you could help guide me on this and let me know if I am on the right path with this. I am 18, and as of a month ago I started seeing a 17 yr old (soon to be 18) exclusively. We hit it off from the beginning and clicked well, and I have been able to use a lot of my newfound rp knowledge to avoid a lot of the pitfalls in my last relationship so it has been enjoyable. She never had any sexual… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

The other thing you have to consider is that every single one of our sexual encounters thus far have been really passionate and zero negotiated desire. It has all been pure intimacy and there is no verbalized desire, and she loves it. So from a desire standpoint, it is definitely there.

YS

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

And FTR I would not say slaying it necessarily… I would get action from time to time playing the short term, but part of the decision to make her exclusive was that casual sex did not feel super meaningful to me and it was not fullfilling to just use people for sex. In addition, I am a really focused individual and have a lot of high professional/career goals and path so I mostly do not have a lot of tike dedicated to trying to hook up with thots. I determined that the time dedicated to talking to other highschool thots,… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

I assume this is the YS from the state wrestler. First of all. This stuff about her wanting to get on birth control first is a shit test. I can go back to my early days. What I used to do to not get nurses pregnant. And tell you something. Medical advice follows. Her getting on birth control is somewhat difficult. Going to the doctor and her parents insurance getting involved. That’s not actually going to happen. What you do is you get condoms and spermicidal foam. Really. Double measures. No one will ever tell you this. And girls will… Read more »

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@YS questions… are you both ‘exclusive’ to each other or is she exclusive to you? could you be happy with her for ltr even if no sex? = personality compatibility (assume sex on tap with a different fb) could you be happy with her for ltr with only sex? (on tap but no communication) as far as the religious thing… if it is important to you… you’re leading, right? otherwise, the religious thing is just a potential sh*t test waiting for an opportunity…lol… what are YOUR top 4/5/6 or so characteristics that are important to you in a wife? (yea,… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

YS

“I was done with the single hit it and quit it/casual sex stuff because it was distracting and not good for my focus to not have guaranteed pussy.”

Understandable in your circumstance.

But what were your experiences?

Guaranteed Pussy?

That’s not a thing.

You don’t have that now.

But with your status in college?

The sky is the fucking limit.

Right now. Just do the best you can.

Do not hook with this girl beyond mid summer.

You know the score. You have a wise mind and good tactical plays on the mat.

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@asappleeze

good start… try those pop quizzes again but this time from YOUR frame… lol

per FI/BP conditioning – pretend you are the biggest most selfish *sshole… and then do the quizzes…

no matter how far you go it probably won’t be far enough…

good luck!

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

YS Fulfill your short term needs until mid summer. Your life will change when you get to college. Do not entertain the thought of a LDR. When that happens–when you leave. You are a smart guy. And you know this going forward, right? Every thing will change when you get there to college. What are your thoughts? Ask away, any questions you have. Or any doubts. I love your life, so far, man. You will come into your own. Just get some good mentors. Your wrestling coaches can only go so far. You need more. And your teachers and the… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

@YS

Since you are new back.

If you try to hit the Read More green link to actually read more, just hit it in rapid succession/keep clicking on it… with your mouse or clicker and the complete post will show up

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

SJF The spermicide thing is a great idea and I will definitely get on that. I repeated as a state champion in the wrestling season (happened Right before covid blew up) so I was the first ever 2 time individual state champion in any sport in my entire school of 3000 plus history. I got back to top in my class and grinded really hard this year. I also was named my schools first ever academic all state team member (Only take the top 26 student athletes in the entire state) For anonymity sake I probably should not go into… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

palma You have to totally fucking unplug. Yep. whenever, whenever you give them an inch they will use it against you. So she will not be happy as guys measure happiness. Ever. At all. But she may be the happiest woman alive as girls measure it. I’ve said before that happiness is an exclusively male construct. we can be blissfully happy in a deer camp, a good book, a good bottle, maybe a campfire with some boys once in a while for laughs. forever. women? No way. Eve had everything. everything. And it wasn’t enough… On that note Youngshagger !… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

having a bad day I could be happy with her with no sex because I do legitimately enjoy being around her and we are really compatible. I am definitely leading the relationship at this point. In terms of religion, it is somewhat important to me that my kids understand some semblance of morality and I was never opposed to introducing some form of Catholicism in their lives (because I don’t want them to be degenerates), but she definitely cares more about the religious stuff than I do and would hypothetically send her kids to private catholic schooling through at least… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

To the point she does not think she is good enough for me etc (and her brothers were actually reinforcing my frame by saying that 😂

Been there and done that… 30 years on now. This is what HABD was getting at. Gets back to my one condition for getting married “have hand… and never lose it.”

But you can lose it… so it looks safe and secure now at 18… try it at 29 with a couple of kids and little money and lots of hard work to do. all bets off.

Unless you can keep it.

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

Having a Bad Day My standards for a wife are: Not a feminist and or preachy about pushing progressive liberalism (she definitely fits that because she is more of a traditionalist like me and vocally despises feminists) A willingness and eagerness to serve me, respect my leadership, have as many kids as I want and raise them as I see fit. (She fits this, is a smart girl, bilingual (latina knows spanish) and would make my kids bilingual and would be smart enough to raise smart future champions and leaders. Also wants a lot of kids and would not be… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“I could be happy with her with no sex because I do legitimately enjoy being around her and we are really compatible. I am definitely leading the relationship at this point. In terms of religion, it is somewhat important to me that my kids understand some semblance of morality and I was never opposed to introducing some form of Catholicism in their lives (because I don’t want them to be degenerates), but she definitely cares more about the religious stuff than I do and would hypothetically send her kids to private catholic schooling through at least 8th grade (I am… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“In all seriousness.” Jesus, Fuck. You shouldn’t actually be so serious at your age. ?18 years old? Who made you Jesus? Please wait until you are 27 to 33 years old! No blasphemy. Your perspective is childish. And short sighted. Do you actually have any family mentors? Any possible uncles? Can you even ask of your wrestling coach? Your high school coach will not be in the league of your college coach. You are to wrapped up in your stuff. Mind you. I used to wrestle and I was into academics. Big time. And I am here to tell you… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

SJF To be honest knowing she will only be an hour or less away even at college and once she goes it will be right next door to my college and knowing how busy I will already be with premed and D1 wrestling, I think seeing her a couple times a month would be amazing for my focus especially because she supports and understands the lifestyle. To be honest I am a good judge of character and I am perceptive to how most girls my age carry themselves and act and are to be around, and I think it would… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

Sentient My plan is to keep it at all costs. The hand is never secured, but Ik I can use my knowledge to maintain it on a daily basis like I need to. My ultimate plan is to use that and build something by having a large family and raising my 5+ kids to be ass kickers and all make a substantial positive contribution and impact on humanity. I am at an age where as I get older, I will Be hard pressed to find a girl in an LTR that meets all my standards and will be a virgin.… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

SJF You are right. I cannot be overly idealistic about this. She is just a girl, and for now I am having fun and enjoying it especially with my newfound knowledge of relationship dynamics from the rp. I am just seeing firsthand how powerful some of this is when you actually apply it to an LTR to maintain the frame and how desire is amplified to a new level and it makes it a million times better. She will have to keep proving her worth to me in the future to stay with her, and she may end up being… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

And also SJF she’s totally game for the spermicide idea. I think it will be pretty soon we so it. I will update you all.

But tbh ending that relationship I was in before this senior year was the best decision I ever made. I achieved a lot and developed a lot personally in this year, and that decision advised by all of you helped facilitate me being my best this year in all facets, so thank you.

IAS
IAS
2 years ago

@YoungShagger: I’m not trying to convert anyone to atheism but I used to be very religious for many years and I really think it doesn’t work if you are too literal, as I used to be. I didn’t have PIV sex before marriage at mid-20s (my decision, I’m fairly sure she would have if I wasn’t adamantly against it). No regrets (what is the point) but I never got anything out of that. Organized religion (sounds a lot like organized crime) is designed to control you for someone else’s benefit (not God, some other humans). By definition and design it… Read more »

CS
CS
2 years ago

@HABD – LOL. I got over my “I like the girl’s company” issues years ago after you hammered me enough times with my Epiphany Girl. I have other issues, but not that particular one. @Asappleaze – Main issue I see with your texts is still too much texting. You need to engage and reply a LOT less. It sounds simple but it’s actually hard to get the right mindset of not caring enough about a particular girl – it only works when you have other options. You can actually text quite a lot if what you are saying is emotionally… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Youngshagger l respect the older wisdom a lot and am happy to hear it, but I think you guys might be underestimating the (potential motherly) quality of girls in my demographic (16-25) I don’t think you guys realize how dangerously low that quality is in my demographic in this day in age. I see it everyday, and I am telling you firsthand it is at an all time low. Lol. Love it. Youth. Doesn’t know. Knows all. It’s all good YS. I have 4 daughters. My youngest is in HS and would be perfect for you. My oldest just married… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“Don’t invest too much in your Madonna/Whore complex.” I never had that complex either. My wife and her best girlfriend at Youngshagger’s age used to be be groupies banging rock stars. Every once in a while a song comes on the radio and she mentions that “she knew those guys”. She also spent a couple years in Wash. St. in high school doing mushrooms like all the other cool high school kids. She also spent time as an emancipated minor. Her parents were good people. Her father was a good one. She just lived separated from them at one time… Read more »

YoungShagger
YoungShagger
2 years ago

Sentient

Don’t invest too much in your Madonna/Whore complex. Will save you a lot of mindfuckery down the road.

😂😂 Fair enough. At the end of the day I make the decisions and if I don’t like it I will just dump her. I am not dependent at all, if I enjoy it I will keep proceeding, but if not, I will dump her and move on. It is a win win for me, I will be in a fine position moving forward whether I am with her or not. No harm no foul.

IRL
IRL
2 years ago

@asappleeze Leave you lot for a while… and look at this roller coaster… lol Oh well… blue pill needs and rewards still come first… until you experience positive outcomes of red pill thoughts and behaviors. Which won’t happen if you don’t push the envelope of your comfort zone. Fortune favors the Bold. Freedom you say? How’s your risk appetite? Enjoying the thrill? Or folding under pressure? You’re getting great advice… so just follow it through this time. Note: there’s no way you can absorb it all at once. I suggest you save it to revisit later. It’s a pain to… Read more »

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago
Reply to  IRL

thanks for the detailed feedback. I’ve read it once and it aint sunk in to be honest. what did sink in was to save and come back to it. and continue reading mystery method.

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@YS all wow!… is this bizarro world, or what?…lol… @SJF advocating for player status (and against relationships…)… and me advocating that you should at least THINK about a long-term possibility…lol… @SJF is not wrong…lol… your viewpoint WILL change going through college, etc… @Sentient is not wrong either…lol AWALT… and YOU need to lead the interactions… and just bc you don’t see those ‘hot virgin-esque girls’ around you now, doesn’t mean they aren’t out there… but you’re not wrong either… most girls are in that lost and potentially slutty demographic… it just depends on what you want… you seem to have… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

brilliant tear down IRL. Learning from it.

to do: Pause. Think.

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Hypergamy… Triggered!

https://mobile.twitter.com/AustinHuff/status/1253480243425431554

[Rollo come on man. Fix this site…]

CS
CS
2 years ago

Guys, Quick tactics question. I’m focussing back to basics these days – stuff like “am I making statements or asking questions” and “who is leading these interactions” and it’s amazing how much stuff that I totally internalized on other dates is lacking with my wife – I know I used to be better in the early days, just become betaized. Anyway, dinner last night, wife and I were explaining something to our son. I interjected while she was talking to add something (there was actually a micro-pause while she took breath, I didn’t cut her off) and she said quite… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

CS You might want to rephrase your question to ask about what it is that really got you turned around. You are asking about micro, when it seems that something macro is going on. Namely everything you have been talking about. You are picking a nit. You bring up a situation in front of the children/child. In the healthy playbook of parenting, it is OK to have difference of opinion between the mom/dad who generally might be feminine/masculine archetypes. But sometimes the mom oversteps her bounds and takes on a masculine archetype. And that would piss off any of us… Read more »

CS
CS
2 years ago

– thanks man.

I think you misunderstood – my wife and I weren’t arguing. We were agreeing – we were both telling our son something about how he needed to practice more if he wanted to be good at his school sports.

This was purely a “micro” question about interruptions. The “macro” stuff we discussed a couple of weeks ago and I’m implementing the strategy and going back to basics.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

…Question is: was that the best way to handle it? What could I have done? Is it just a question of being smoother and more socially calibrated when interrupting? I’m already pretty good at that – I didn’t cut her off midsentence – she’s just a bit “hyper-aware” of it….” I think you misunderstood – my wife and I weren’t arguing. We were agreeing – we were both telling our son something about how he needed to practice more if he wanted to be good at his school sports…. This was purely a “micro” question about interruptions. The “macro” stuff… Read more »

IRL
IRL
2 years ago

@CS Quick tactics question. It’s not a tactics question. You’re missing the big picture. There’s a switch you haven’t flipped yet… because your brain is still too logical… and you don’t toy with logic (and your comfort zone). This courtesy thing that @Palma picked up on… it’s part of a wider rut you’re in. Why wouldn’t you be playful with people you don’t want to bang? You default to your codified/algorithmic ways of thinking and get stuck in the old world of social conventions or analysis paralysis. You’re not bold enough and not playful enough even in your own head.… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

Iron man.

Fucking brilliant.

This is why I’m being mostly silent on CS. I could write a hundred paragraphs about things he’s seeing that I saw too prior to divorce. Palma is dead on about comfort overload. Y’all are giving golden advice, so I’ll just keep reading.

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

P.S.

There aren’t any locked phones or devices here at home. Smartphones are tools of the devil as far as relationships go for many men. When a phone goes from unlocked to locked, that’s a problem.

Most men I know younger than 40-50 have women with locked/password protected phones and social media. I don’t grasp these notions at all.

Privacy huh?

From who?

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

CS

same thing to me, and I said the same thing to her and she subsided and let me speak.

Wait what was the “same thing” you said to her?

CS
CS
2 years ago

Thank you guys. Uncomfortable reading. But necessary. I still don’t fully understand what IRL and Palma are trying to get across – more of that dog logic IRL is talking about. But I can feel that it is important so I will keep at it till I get it. I’m not even going into what they said line by line because I’ve read those posts several times and I’m just trying to internalise it. Going forward, my posts are going to be much shorter. And not just so that Palma can read them (lol). More because it will help counteract… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
2 years ago

CS She already gets angry nearly every night and shouts at my son “you seem to think Daddy is the favourite and he will protect you” etc. Making it explicit = 10x worse. She will go apeshit and accuse me of undermining her (already a sensitive point because she feels – correctly – that he listens more to me than her) and demanding to know what the secret between us is. So much for that whole “team” thing. Look, she shouldn’t be raising her voice at all. I know, that train left the station probably years ago, but it is… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
2 years ago

PalmaSailor to CS
This is what too much Comfort does and is embodied by your “common courtesy” mindset.

“Common courtesy” is deep betaization. In the church world it’s really common, in the “love endures all” category.

CS, all you are getting with your “Common courtesy” is more contempt from her.

Her hindbrain doesn’t want common courtesy from you. An Alpha who is gracious is not doing “common courtesy”.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

@Palma You’re characterization is mostly accurate. And I like what you described to CS about the Iron Man suit. I had to look that up because I never read comic books or watch cinema movies. (Heart broken, outer strong suit veneer.) You’ve known me for a couple years of direct communication off this forum. I never actually over-extended comfort to my wife. Mainly because I’m just not skilled in it, despite having expansive skills in a lot of things in life. I did have the experience of three good, close buddies that did go down the route of overt, rather… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

You had to look iron man up?

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

CS Listen to Palma amd IRL and Blax. SJF is off on some trip, but his balm is soothing. Necause it does not address the key issue. At that point what am I left with? Just a stubborn head on frame battle Get this. You are IN a frame battle. Full stop. You either win it or lose it. There is no draw. That iron rod up your ass can be uncomfortable at times. The only way forward is to go through the battle and come out the winner. You know how, now you just have to do. There Will… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago
SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“You had to look Iron Man up?” Yes boss. I hadn’t ever watched “popular” movies. I was always too busy doing other shit. Except a couple in the 70’s. And I stopped reading fiction books much about the same time. I didn’t need them. What did I miss? And how does it apply? Here was a description in Wikipedia about Stan Lee creating the charachter Iron Man: He set out to make the new character a wealthy, glamorous ladies’ man, but one with a secret that would plague and torment him as well. Writer Gerry Conway said, “Here you have… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

CS Could you ever see yourself saying “I don’t know who the fuck your think you’re talking to but it’s not me. Clear up the fucking kitchen, im going for a beer” and walk out for a few days and go zero contact. That’s the sort of thing you’re going to have to do now Palma’s spot on. You can’t finesse your way to be Alpha Dog. At some point you need to use all the tools, including the bif ones. Now you don’t need to rush off and issue any ultimatums right off. You saw that. But at some… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

😂 Sjf you are priceless and I love you man. We’re pretty much the same age chronologically but you seem like what young people mean when they say ” old man/folks “. It’s like when Yareally kept insinuating things about me because of my age, and I couldn’t figure out where he was getting those ideas. When I get stuck in life, or so busy that I don’t know what’s currently going on all around me, that’s the day I’ll be ready to stop breathing. I never believed in the myth that getting older meant losing touch. The 80’s and… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

Blax You are using improper archetypes, metaphors and analogies in your comment about old guys. For all intents and purposes, I’m not old. I am very experienced. And I talked about this with Forge the Sky today, he’s mid thirties. And we both enjoyed the convo. And YoungShagger who had a lots of questions, @18. You don’t practice medicine and not be fluid in interactions with people or yours or their behavior. And you do what is in the best interests of others. And not act in their interests for the purpose of self-validation. Or to sell something. I do… Read more »

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

“I’m an old.caveman mechanic, and I.don’t understand this ” technology ” thing.”

They never stop to think where it came from and who invented it. They have some peculiar ideas about what constitutes technology as well.

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

Reject limitations.

Especially self imposed.

That’s how I see it anyway.

Fwiw, I didn’t read a lot of fiction or comics either, but I wanted to know enough to be able to converse with those that do.

I still don’t know where my actual limits are ( with the exception of physical. I’m starting to learn where those limitations are…😁).

I’m just talking. I find it endlessly fascinating how different we are, and I don’t see that as a negative.

Blaximus
Blaximus
2 years ago

Kfg

” technology ” requires screens and thumbs.

Or a helpful call center to get shit to work.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“I’m just talking. I find it endlessly fascinating how different we are, and I don’t see that as a negative.” I don’t find it fascinating at all. But I do find endless masculine positivism in you Blax, even if not social positivism. And that helped me enormously via your masculine mindset back over four years ago at the start. And ever since. Thank you for being you. I appreciate it. Honestly. You are an excellent masculine role model. Oh, and KFG, Forge the Sky put in a word of respect for you today in my discussion with him. He said… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“Reject limitations. I still don’t know where my actual limits are…” Heh. Let me clarify about the fiction and movies. I actually do them some times. Just not the popular stuff. Maybe it would be called mass media. Or the indoctrination of the masses. Marvel, Star Wars, Disney, Avengers, Spider Man, Batman, Harry Potter, James Bond, Jurassic Park, Star Trek, The Starlight Saga, Hunger Games, The Dark Night, Captain America, Bourne, Rambo, Guardians of the Galaxy… Never had a desire for that shit. Or to talk about it like it was a Joseph Campbell Hero’s Journey want. I can say… Read more »

having a bad day
having a bad day
2 years ago

@CS listen to @ Palma… as well as everybody else… none of them are wrong… to the extent their advice seems different it is addressing the problem from a different angle… this sh*t is even more critical mass than the last time i weighed in on this… ‘courtesy’ is the direct opposite of ”Fk YOU!!! i play hockey!!! and have a big dck!!!!” BB v AF… at base, it is an esteem issue… = lack of ownership… = iron man suit… you need to own your life… and you CAN’T do that when you are ‘married’… not possible bc ‘married’… Read more »

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

:

“He’s doing well and is just to busy to come back.”

Good to hear. Pass along my regards.

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

Here’s the thing about common courtesy — you have just as much right to it as anybody else, otherwise it wouldn’t be common.
Hence if you find that you are consistently disadvantaged by offering common courtesy you are not practicing common courtesy.

The whole point of common courtesy as a concept is to create a desirable social state in common.

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

“Actually I meant “fling the fucking spaghetti marinara””

Oh, sure, now you tell me.

IRL
IRL
2 years ago

@CS Ahhh man… it’s worse than you’re willing to admit. You’re still in denial. Your wife has found a way to keep you in check and you’re walking on eggshells around her. You are afraid of your wife and her reactions. Your fear is why you’re stuck and why you flunk it year after year trying to keep the status quo. But no AF omelette for you without breaking the eggs. Have you ever put your needs above your wife’s without guilt? Have you ever thought of her as a goofy bitch (a’la Patrice O’Neal)? Have you ever raised your voice… Read more »

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

@Palma Sailor:

You don’t understand. If you had written “spaghetti marinara” I wouldn’t have misread it “carabinieri” and my whole life would be different right now.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

I’d say it’s about structuring your life around your inner compass. Find your direction (or rather keep finding it) and it all becomes a natural part of what you do regardless. You don’t have to constantly convince anyone, compromise, argue. You just go about your day and do your thing. You can handle it all. Follow your course and make sure you know what it is. Others (incl. her) either join or not. Fine. If you’re doing things right, you’ll have plenty of great people in your life. Holy shit. I was playing along for a while until I decided… Read more »

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

Oh, and by city code I can’t take out the trash until after 2 PM and it’s only 9 AM here. What’s left of the picket fence blew over in a wind storm the other day and looking it over I’m pretty sure that paint isn’t going to be a sufficient remedy. I can have prefab replacement sections delivered, the posts are still standing, and I could get them in place myself, but I think I’m going to wait until I can get a non-socially isolated helper. It’s on the side where I kinda like the current neighbors anyway. The… Read more »

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

@KFG @SJF: “He’s doing well and is just to busy to come back.” Good to hear. Pass along my regards. I realize that he derived a fair amount of good mentoring from your mind, thoughts and comments. With good reason. Things kind of were out of his control in regards to that 19 y.o. college freshman he was with and asked tactical questions here recently, when her parents put a GPS on her car and tracked her down to his home and put an end to her shenanigans, dragged her out of the college dorm. And put her under lock… Read more »

disgruntledearthling
disgruntledearthling
2 years ago

@HABD i yelled at her ( in front of the kids… where she thought she was going to be safe) “then why don’t we just get a f*king divorce!!!…” OMG I remember doing much the same thing (minus the mess on the wall) 5 years ago, ending my 28 year common-law relationship with the mother of my children. Unfortunately, I was too emotional and not strategic enough and I really did end it then and there. Had I known about RP I may have had the foresight to use that event to my advantage. I don’t regret getting out and… Read more »

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

:

More or less the same has happened to me (they didn’t need GPS, they knew their daughter’s inclination and who and where I was). I recognized that it was her choice, since being put under lock and key is a federal felony, the apparent constraint was voluntary.

disgruntledearthling
disgruntledearthling
2 years ago

@IRL
Ahhh, this discussion reminds me of how I was breaking my wife’s programming and restructuring the whole blue pill LTR of 10+ years…

Fuck, that story just killed me. Beautifully done.

SJF
SJF
2 years ago

“I recognized that it was her choice, since being put under lock and key is a federal felony, the apparent constraint was voluntary.”

Well, the figurative lock and key, in this case, was taking her out of the freedom of living in a dorm and funding her (expensive) college education. That’s not considered a felony. And yes, it is her choice.

kfg
kfg
2 years ago

” . . . taking her out of the freedom of living in a dorm . . .”

They can’t do that.

” . . . and funding her . . .”

AH! Now that is what they have the authority to do, or decline to do. It’s all about the Benjamins.

I understand that you understand. I’m not explaining it to you.

disgruntledearthling
disgruntledearthling
2 years ago

ok, here it goes. I’ve been debating if I should post this or not. Here’s my recent situation which I’m sure will be laughed at by many here but I guess I deserve it. I caught oneitis for a SB and and I’m suffering the emotional consequences. Maybe writing this and getting shit on might help me snap out of it. It started about 3 years ago as a straight SB thing. She was 19, (very) black, skinny, bright, and sexy – just my type. I had had about 8ish other SBs of various types off-and-on and honestly I enjoyed… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

CS

So many good stories. Marinara, kissing a friend lol.

Here is an old chestnut 🌰

https://heartiste.net/asshole-game-week-the-relationship-reset/

Now really flip that switch…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oG-nnDlnWrA

IAS
IAS
2 years ago

@Disgruntled: learning experience – you probably got her because she had a flimsy Frame in the first place. Some of those cult people have extremely strong Frames (Tom Cruise is one example). She is probably lost forever, not your responsibility, keep improving yourself, get 10 others, don’t get one-itis for them etc. No shame, no worries. @CS: as you know I couldn’t turn it around. And I don’t have kids. This is my opinion and I already told you. First, it is worse than you admit to yourself, and she has you, not strictly by the balls, but because your… Read more »

disgruntledearthling
disgruntledearthling
2 years ago

I’d just get hold of one of the others you were banging if I were you.. Yeah I tried. It would have helped. One of them moved to another (relatively far) and is still pissed at me for choosing this one over her. Funny story about her – I had to kick her out of bed and drive her home a 2:00AM new-years eve a couple years ago so I could fetch the current one from an ’emergency’ in a nearby city. She was pissed but still willing to replace the current one. The other one’s boyfriend discovered some of… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

IAS

as you know I couldn’t turn it around.

I wouldn’t say that. You didn’t push it all the way because you didn’t want kids and she did and you let her go.

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Palma

“Vulnerability test” another more common term used is Fitness test.

Testing your fitness to protect aka testing the fitness of your frame. If you fail her tests you will fail bigger ones and ultimately jeopardize her and offspring.

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

CS You’ve gotten all the solid gold advice. Now its up to you to implement it. Just start on the easy stuff and slowly ratchet up ovrr time. Back to basics. Start back up on some fitness thing and don’t talk about it. Do afew wardrobe upgrades, dress nicer around the house. And don’t talk about it. Flirt with other women when she is around. And don’t talk about it. A month or so of this… Then start being more assertive with her and family. Start around the edges. But keep it up. I was in a frame battle royal… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Haha

Here is Culum on that five year old CH post replying to HABD…

http://heartistelives.com/2015/01/30/asshole-game-week-the-relationship-reset/#comment-645671

its interesting how I am understanding dynamics which were invisible even a few months ago but they are so obvious now (when you pointed them out)

asappleeze
asappleeze
2 years ago

Fellas, just checking in really. Been keeping an eye on the comments. Good stuff in here I think. Long post, will be a bit waffly, as that is where i am at: @palmasailor – i am the mystery shopper that bought your book, about a third of the way through. A lot of fucking similarities including class, city of origin etc. and the fucking financial situation with the ex etc. Anyway, whilst you aint William Blake it is an entertaining and informative read and I’m learning from it (particularly your post hoc analysis). I am changing. Notwithstanding the clusterfuck I… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
2 years ago

Asap please and might seem a bit mickey mouse to the punters in here, but feel the need to share it as i guess that is what this place is about. Not Mickey mouse at all and that is what this place is about. Keep posting and working. You are going to go far. And Then you will be posting to some new guy who feels Mickey mouse and waffly about his problems and literally saving his life. Almost all of us have gone through this regeneration. As boys we are pretty alpha and then women and society indoctrinate us… Read more »

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