For the past three years of The Rational Male there’s been a consistent presence in the comment threads of guys seeking advice for particular situations with regards to Game. Whether it’s fine tuning certain aspects of Game or a larger consensus of the guys participating in my comment threads it’s become obvious there’s a need for a dedicated page and comment thread to address these Field Reports.
So I’m instituting this page for exactly this. If there is some urgency to have members of The Rational Male community analyze your particular situation feel free to hit anyone up in the comments of my current post, but please refer them to your particular field report with a link to your comment here. I’m hoping this will alleviate the mass of posts for field report analysis and Game specific insights piled into the main blog post for any given week.
There will be some rules for this “forum” as such. I ask that you only keep your comments to addressing the field reports at hand and save your larger theoretical stuff for the main posts, or if relevant, keep the “bigger scope of things” posts to being as succinct as possible. There will be no moderation in this comment thread (spamming excepted), so realize it will be a very hot kitchen before you post. I will impose no restrictions on video links here, nor will I limit links to various, but pertinent articles.
Understand, this is an experiment for now. It’s likely this comment thread will exceed thousands of comments. I’ll be instituting new comment plug-ins for wordpress to deal with this in the future, but I may archive this page the the posts and refresh this page in the future as well. If this gets cumbersome I may simply institute a dedicated forum-style sub-site of The Rational Male to accommodate for Game specific questions.
So have at it, post your field reports and feel free to comment on the ones you have some particular insight for. Be forewarned that it’s likely things may get a bit salty at times and I expect a lot of back & forth with debate and disagreements, but that’s what this thread is for – to hash out Game particulars for your given situations.
@IAS I’m just starting out on my RP journey but from your description it sounded like she lead the conversation quite a bit. The next time some girl asks you, “Aren’t you married?” you could try, “Do I look like the marrying type?” then pivot to a DHV story about something unrelated and steer the conversation away from that topic. Also, it was a tactical mistake to ask for her permission or ask for her feedback with “Does this bother you?” when escalating kino. To me, what you’re actually asking to her female brain is, “You know I’m married and… Read more »
@IAS “It may be relevant to add that this particular girl knows exactly who I am and even worked/works with some close friends of mine. Technically she could find out who my wife is and contact her if she wanted to, which some random girl I open will have much more difficulty with.” Whoa dude. Did not know this lol. Don’t shit where you eat man. Too many bad consequences, not much upside. The sleep around thing I said was just to help hindbrain rationalize sleeping with you (which would work with any random girl with a boyfriend. Along with… Read more »
@Everyone: ok just to clarify on the work thing, we are not working together. She knows my full name and she knows some people that know me better. She could theoretically trace my wife. I wouldn’t get fired and my friends wouldn’t stop being friends with me so it is not an “ecosystem threat”. I’m not living in fear any longer (or so I think). If my wife wants to divorce for whatever reason I’m fine with that. Maybe the more experienced guys can chime in on how much risk I was taking (and I did explain the situation above… Read more »
@IAS I recommended the “wife being cool with it” bit before you clarified that she knows exactly who you are, your full name, your close friends, and could find out who your wife is. This violates rule 1 of YaReally’s 15 rules to staying safe being the Other Guy (also rule 2 with kinoing in public potentially getting caught by one of her close friends): http://yareallyarchive.com/2012/3/#comment-heartiste-320044 I don’t game girls that know me/work with, nor am I married (or ever will be lol) so I can’t comment here. Seems too risky to me, but maybe @Sentient and others could help… Read more »
Maybe the more experienced guys can chime in on how much risk I was taking In brief… negligible risk. Kino in public fear (from Yareally’s comments) is way overblown. The fact is most girls will have some guy in their life. If she is suggesting via her subcoms that public kino or PDA is bothering her. Calibrate back yourself, as you would do anyway. In this case this girl’s BF was far away… As to giving out your name and what she knows… I’m not a advocate of lying to girls. IAS hits it square – if you lie to… Read more »
@Sentient @IAS I never said lie about not being married. I told him to say something similar to this comment YaReally said to you in your Field Report over at CH’s site a couple years ago: http://yareallyarchive.com/2015/5/#comment-heartiste-674440 “Tell them something like “it’s fine, we have an agreement. She knows I play around on my own time.” (high-value behavior, you have a chick who’s married you despite knowing you tap hot waitresses so you must be valuable for her to overlook that, and you are open and up front about your sexual nature and your wife accepts it and you have… Read more »
It’s been a while since I shared a field report so I’ll share this one. Me HB8 22, cute, fun, funny, constantly shit-testing and teasing. I am considerably older but I’ve been gaming her solid since I met at a party. It’s taken solid, frame control and constant teasing. We went out for drinks one night two weeks ago and I escalated, k-closed. Then I suggested “Come over, we’ll cook together”. She was up for it. “Bring dessert” I texted and she agreed. Each and every step of the way I give her little tasks. If she doesn’t comply, I… Read more »
J
The lie is about an agreement that does not exist.
More broadly – looking back at that thread J… is the conclusion HABD led me to that it is not 25% of women who are “no married men” but that iin nearly all cases it is not generating enough attraction and not executing proper game… Fun memory though… lol
@J: YaReally has lots of good advice. I read that back when I started but way before I had decided to push myself further. It wasn’t too long ago that I would intentionally stop escalating at hugs, even with random chicks (now I stop about there because I’m incompetent ahah). I was aware of the risks and thought about it. There is the risk of rationalizations both ways. If I convince myself “It’s too risky, I pass” I may actually be chickening out and buffering. It is also true that I got too interested in this particular girl due to… Read more »
“I’m not a advocate of lying to girls. IAS hits it square – if you lie to her and she finds out that is worse than dealing with things up front. PLUS can you see how it helps your frame by being “yeah I’m married” and owning that fact vs. lying about it? Once she has your number anyway she can find you if she really wanted to.” In regards to the married query by the girl that IAS is targeting. Keep in mind @ J , May 29, 2017 at 7:41 pm IAS is a newbie with ASD (I’m… Read more »
Goldmund just published a fantastic field report today:
http://goldmundunleashed.com/redpill-player-steals-girl-friend-zone/
I may have to write a follow-on post about this situation.
@Rollo interesting field report with so much going on. My own game recently follows this flow. Goldmund executed on the Date Model I follow perfectly. A few weeks ago a similar situation arose for me. I went out to a Latin dance party with some visiting friends. They sat down and I grabbed a chair unwittingly just as a hot girl was about to sit down. “looks like I’m stealing your chair” I smiled. Sometimes what you say isn’t as important as how you say it. “Do we know each other?” She asked. I immediately realized I’d flicked the attraction… Read more »
More FR: setting is night club. I was there some hours, end result is a girl (henceforth girl 3) number closed and added me to social media (kind of like girl 1 from recent FR). Get there early, club basically empty, spot 3 guys thinking about drinks, open. Also foreigners, I speak their language a bit, befriend a bit, they ask me if I want to share the cost of a bottle but I don’t drink. I hover around them for a bit until more people start arriving so that I don’t look too isolated. These 3 are hanging around… Read more »
@Rollo: good FR by Goldmund, and although it looks callous… Goldmund writes:
“If the dude was cool about the situation and humble enough to talk to me like an adult about it, I would have gladly given him some advice and probably just got the girls number at some point and arranged to meet her privately.”
But what he actually did may very well jolt the friend-zoned dude enough for him to swallow the RP, whereas giving him “some advice” wouldn’t.
@Rollo
Awesome Field Report
“The problem was when it came to women. I never felt I could say what I really wanted and express my near boundless sexual energy around them.
Game taught me that girls are incredibly sexual creatures, love being dirty, think about sex often, need it, and want to get fucked by men who are wild.”
+1
@IAS “Last time I saw him he was leaving and I think he went out with two girls which didn’t look particularly pretty and a bit chubby, I think my 2-set was better but I guess it can depends on taste. If he closed 1 or both of them he got way further than I did so who am I to judge, I just figured such a conventionally high value guy as evaluated by normal society would have been able to pull better; he may just have crappy “I’m high value so I just let the more aggressive girls come… Read more »
@wala
If she’s standing in front of you and you’re alone…she’s interested.
If a girl is standing in front of you and you’re alone and she’s lit up, then she’s interested in Alpha Fux
If a girl is standing in front of you and you’re alone and she’s NOT lit up, then she’s interested in Beta Bux
@IAS
If you want a companion for dinner, then set up 2 or 3 girls and if several girls show up, then say that you felt like having a party.
FR Saw some interesting stuff out this weekend and thought I’d share one of my observations. There’s a pair of HB7s that frequent this bar and the blonde frequently dances with a regular there. He’s one of the better male dancers that frequent the place but even that can’t save him from being relegated to orbiter status. I’ve seen these two girls work the room together and frequently pull dudes elsewhere Saturday night. The blonde is a frequent flyer with the regular until she finds something better of course. As the two girls are just about to leave the regular… Read more »
@Catchers: when you say you see the girls pull the guys, you mean you see some guys with decent game pull the girls?
@IAS Perhaps but it didn’t appear that way. The blonde approached one of the guys who was directly in front of me and he seemed confused but compliant. She told him that she and her friend (plus her dude) were leaving and he should go with them (the guys didn’t seem to know each other). His response was, “Where are we going?” as the girl tries to wrangle her brunette friend and her guy and the girls are physically leading the guys out of the bar by their hands. I like to think that I’m relatively game aware and obviously… Read more »
@Catchers This same regular dances very intimately with the women he dances with Here’s how I read dance “moves”: In bachata, intimate dancing with orbiters is expected. Nothing to see there. In ballroom, women may dance close (hip to hip) with excellent leads and there’s nothing to see there either. In freestyle/hiphop, women may grind on men and there’s nothing to see there. Anytime you see TIGHT dancing with legs intertwined and the woman has her thigh in your groin, she’s throwing herself at you. Anytime a woman presses her breast against you, she at least wants your attention. Anytime… Read more »
@theasdgamer Thanks. Going back to the frame battle I had with the first plate I dropped – she had her legs intertwined with the other guy every dance. The first time I give it a pass. Once she knew I was there and sought it out then that’s a different problem! I’m just getting to the point where I have moderate to advanced dancing ability. I will typically DHV with dancing and game after. Care to share any tips & tricks you’ve used when out dancing picking up girls? I don’t usually ramp sexuality / intimacy with girls on a… Read more »
IAS A few brief points… Scenario Building “there is some other guy involved that I noticed she gravitated to earlier in the week. Other guy is slightly taller, darker skin, about as fit as me (I think he has more upper body than me but I have more lower body) and is local, which in this case counts as more exotic for her. ….. I think the guy is fairly alpha and has a good shot at Closing her today if he has enough game – for example I got a slight impression the girl actually thought she was going… Read more »
Oh… and tall skinny girls, well there is a high correlation with smoking… Keep some gum on you.
@Catchers Care to share any tips & tricks you’ve used when out dancing picking up girls? Use Preselection to your advantage. Dance with upwards of 10 girls. Don’t worry about attraction or their age or looks. Then you have done your DHV by means of Preselection. When you dance with a lot of girls and other girls see them having fun, giggling, smiling, w/e, then those girls will see you as a hot guy. Dance itself is Game. When you ask girls to dance, that’s Pull. When you quit dancing with them, that’s Push. Dance has lots of kino and… Read more »
@Sentient: I’m really prone to scenario building. I’ll keep it in mind to avoid to improve on this aspect. It is my attempt of making informed decisions for higher percentage plays, but I can see how it clashes with MPO and having a stronger Frame. BTW I contacted the talkative one out the 2-set just a bit ago and I had a very good opening to ask if they lived together without it being completely out of the left field (she mentioned she was pet sitting and I went like “Is it a pet from [skinny girl]? You live together… Read more »
@Sentient
Thanks for the tip on scenario building. HUGE help. Never read / heard this explained before and I do this A LOT now that I’m aware of it. Will work to curtail this drastically in the future starting tonight!
@Catchers
“Is there a write up on “dance game” somewhere?”
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-5002-post-65100.html#pid65100
IAS Haven’t forgotten the girl 2. Maybe tomorrow, lot of cut and paste for my phone now. These opportunities are for trying… Burn through them because the process is what is valuable. Better to have hard learned experience when you come back here in the future than to “save” a girl for later. There are going to be many many more. The object now is Doing The Hard Work, not any particular goal. So get after her while you are there. I’d try the ijjjji method – call her and talk with her and just tell her what you are… Read more »
Girl not goal…
Catchers
So the beta with his value extracted… Shriveled up… How could he do things different?
See why Mystery would decline invitations to dance and tell girls to stop touching him, 5 bucks per touch etc. ??? Make sense?
Value and frame are so important. It might be very very subtle, a couple of degrees in difference, but it makes a huge difference.
A short cut “Do not give people what they expect, when they are expecting it”.
@Sentient @Catchers Sentient perceptively wrote: See why Mystery would decline invitations to dance and tell girls to stop touching him, 5 bucks per touch etc. ??? Make sense? Exactly. I do similar stuff. When a girl dances close to me, I tell her, “I don’t like to cuddle before sex” and push her away by putting my hand on the top of her shoulder and stiff-arming, but also grin at her. Push/pull When a girl puts her hand on my butt while dancing, I move it to my waist, then nuzzle her ear and grin at her. Push/pull A girl… Read more »
3pm. Leaving for home at the end of a business trip. 7 hour trip. I text a girl (several girls actually) who live in a city halfway down the road from home, asking them to buy me a beer in the evening. Two respond positively. The one I pick agrees to meet up at 7pm. What she doesn’t tell me is that she is going to have to travel three hours to the rendezvous. I find out she is not in town at 7pm and decide to split. She unsuccessfully tries to make me wait for her but when I… Read more »
IAS Some thoughts on Girl 2, from reviewing posts top down. Things build on themsleves. I’m on for dinner with girl 2 tonight, tried to extract her room number so I could “call her from the reception” but she dodged saying it is best if I just ring her mobile So direct hindbrain ping “room number” was met with – slooow down… [covered in another post don’t do this off the cuff or an opener, save for in the moment] Also covered the Dinner Date is starting you off in the Beta Bux/FZ camp… Avoid. Find places where you can… Read more »
IAS Now if the attraction is strong and sex is on HER mind, shortly after meeting she will be questioning you, stuff like “sooooo… is this what you do? Pick up girls while you are away from home?” or “What does your wife think you are doing now?” or other beta shit tests about your relationship and “what this is” between you… Be prepared to COCKily smash these in a good natured way. You aren’t looking for a pen pal or a travel buddy… Set the frame, be chill and watch her as she folds into your frame. Then ACT.… Read more »
@Sentient: many thanks. The biggest failure was the “Does this bother you?”. Telling her my philosophy during dinner was just that happiness is the end goal. I was subtly implying that if being there with me was making her happy forget about the bf for tonight. Ok now for the update(s). After the “date” the girl sent me a short e-mail on the same night (I only saw it next morning). I replied during that next day because I wanted to reply. I’m not sure what to make of it. I didn’t mention so far that she is my nationality… Read more »
I reminded myself that pursuing other girls is best remedy for avoiding One-itis so I decided to arrange something with girl 3 (girl 1 apparently isn’t panning out). I self-invited myself to her place, offering to cook, she happily accepted. Now this could be a brilliant idea if not for the fact that a) the other girl lives there b) it is another dinner date. In my defense it is already in a Seduction location and if I get there and she somehow got rid of the friend then I know it is really on. I’ll be on uncharted territory… Read more »
emails Some convulated redactions, so not quite sure what is going on around that. That said, looks like she is into you hoss. The thing to do now is SEXUALIZE your communication… you don’t have to get full pron off the bat… but you do need to avoid slipping into her BFF territory. And avoid being a beta bux dinner and fun pass the time while BF is away guy… Intent. Intent. Intent. So i’d keep joking with her, lightly sexualize and angle for some pics [compliance tests] to make the distance shorter while you are apart… and don’t hound… Read more »
PS – note this is further evidence of NOT mateguarding… It is an example of Monkey Branching in process…
I self-invited myself to her place, offering to cook, she happily accepted.
This is strong. Banged plenty of chicks with this… This is different from out to dinner date. Lot’s of chance to kino, isolate, escalate. Remember the focus is gaming her not whipping up some masterful meal…
And fumbles are OK, forced fumbles… You want to avoid dropping a sure thing on your own!
The friend may not be there when you get there. Take that as a green light… 😉 If she IS there, well game her too!
@IAS See how well that works when you finally take the leap? Of course she wants to have you over to cook dinner! Why wouldn’t she? As described in a previous FR of mine I recently did the same and will never turn back. Once you’ve generated attraction and the desire is there it is up to you to boldly and smoothly make the rest of it happen as she will be a willing participant. FR Met up with one of the girls (HB6) that has been giving me some IOI’s out dancing over the weekend. Same venue but different… Read more »
Catchers I still owe you tha ride or die bit… sorry… maybe tomorrow. She greets me with an enthusiastic, full frontal, hug and we catch up a bit. This is where you say “So what are you up to tonight? who are you here with?” A couple of songs later I decide to take her temperature a bit and walk confidently over to her extending my hand and ask her by name to dance which she is surprised by but rejects without saying anything. This is you in her frame, chasing a cat with string to play with… Part of… Read more »
@Sentient Thanks for the insight. Noted – we’ll see what she’s like next time I see her out and about. I’m trying to understand why I was so compelled to ameliorate the situation rather than just being comfortable in the perceived awkwardness and compel her to make the first move. Although after I asked her to dance and was rejected I felt better about the whole deal. I thought, “ball is in her court” and completely forgot about the whole thing for the rest of the night. It will be interesting to see how I react in the moment should… Read more »
@Catchers “I allowed myself to predicate my enjoyment solely on this one girl (the girl that greeted me with a hug) while there are plenty of other better looking women eager to get to know me that I’m ignoring! I’ve seen some of these girls more than once so I plan to re-engage and capitalize given the opportunity but need to work on this aspect of my game. I definitely had a couple of hooks set that I failed to follow-up on.” Tunnel Vision lol. Yeah I struggled with this when starting out too. Remember had a girl hotter than… Read more »
Something else at play?
Like i dunno – the FI? Lol
How would Leonardo DiCaprio approaches this situation? Would he chase her? Would he put the ball(s) in her court?
J
Though I wouldn’t say that DHVing by accident, unaware, was Game… But knowing you are DHVing and acting to maximize that advantage, that is Game.
Game is much more accessible as a language than an ethos.
Catchers
I’m trying to understand why I was so compelled to ameliorate the situation rather than just being comfortable in the perceived awkwardness
Betas are rewarded (by their value system not society in the end) for making nice. Alphas for making waves.
FR on girl 3 – bait and switch and massively blue balled. Very badly played by me. During the day she said her friend was going to go work at night (mental fist pump) and asked if I could postpone for tomorrow as it would be more fun with her there (I thought “No it won’t”, maybe should have written it). I replied “Let’s just start earlier so she can also get some food”, she was happy. Then she said that her friend was not even going to be there earlier anyway and asked to move it back to original… Read more »
IAS
Very amusing…
Tomorrow go back over this and think about what you would have done differently… to get the lay, not buffer rejection.
Think about how you felt when things didn’t feel right. Start imprinting.
@Sentient: agreed, it is quite amusing when looked at from a certain perspective. I didn’t eject, but I just kept failing. More learning experience although the ones with girl 2 were more confusing but also much more enjoyable. The only thing I don’t get is how girl 3 was receptive to bf kino like hand holding, hands on hips and even did the long hug at the end, as it didn’t appear she was that into me, but I guess that is a personality thing as well. Also unlike girl 2, girl 3 was single so what has she got… Read more »
@Sentient: as consolation prize, I had written girl 2 that she is slacking off and should already have sent me a photo, she still went “What, the one you took?” (in venue 2). I replied yesterday night before going to sleep and she sent it this morning. Classic “I don’t look good in photos” fishing for compliments and “See what you do with it”. She’s worried I’m going to post it somewhere? How silly. Occurred to me to give her a crass reply like “If you want me to do *something* with a photo of yours it better be a… Read more »
@IAS Failed too many shit test, not enough sexual intent, and logistics were fucked up (which is why you gotta know them upfront. Helps you develop a game plan/backup plan instead of just winging it). “Anyway the girl basically clearly doesn’t want me to go to her place without the friend cockblock there and wants to walk a bit instead. I insist a bit but she really isn’t having it with some stupid excuse like it is not tidy because she moved there recently. I even say “Seriously?” with an incredulous face but it is clear this shit test is… Read more »
J
No fair doing IAS’s homework for him…
“Maybe it wasn’t bf kino but gf kino ” ding ding ding… BF kino is dominant and assured, you are comfortable touching her and donso like you’ve fucked her a dozen times. There is sexual familiarity not just familiarity. And there was no sexualizing or much building attraction… You ended up following her lead most of the time as well… Rom comming around without either rom nor com. So you run into a situation where she needs you to make it happen but you are in her frame and following her leading, to nowhere… Because it’s not what does she… Read more »
https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/09/the-mechanics-of-kino/
Ps… In my post above the wording comes across wrong. I did not think uou were buffering rejection on your date, it appears you were just flailing around. I meant by the comment to go back over your FR, as if you were giving advice to someone else, and optimize every situation you faced so to end up with a lay.
@j and Sentient: thanks. I agree that shit tests are basically IOIs and opportunities and I’m fully aware she was leading for a good part (and every time she did so I was “shit tested” and sabotaged a bit because I failed). I had already thought about what to do right off the bat with the bait and switch. J’s specific suggestion is pretty good and even near the end when I dropped a couple of F bombs with some incest-related comments of all things (!) was probably when she laughed the most. My idea for the start (before j… Read more »
FR: I need to game more back home as well. The summary here is all I got from this one beyond experience was a pretty sexy grind on my crotch by the end. Same venue where I met girl 3 and her skinny friend last time. Go alone again, get there a bit later. 3-set in lift with me and a guy which fits the AFC mold (not with them). I saw this poor dude during the night and he didn’t look to be having fun a single time, wasn’t dancing or doing anything pretty much. Anyway, 3-set is laughing… Read more »
@waw
“We’re getting to know each other now” I smiled.
Oh nice line! I’m going to use this!
Waw, you are progressing so much. Keep it up dude.
I kind of embarrassed myself last night…I was messing with a girl and asked her to buy me a drink…and she took me up on it…she had invited me to hang with her and her bf…he was a wealthy farmer…ran 5500 head…farmed wheat, corn, and beans on tens of thousands of acres in several states…anyway, when she came to get me to buy me a drink, I told her she didn’t need to do that…I was just messing with her…but she insisted, so I asked for a beer…I felt a little embarrassed…she was messing with me, too…she was hot and… Read more »
@Rollo Awesome post about kino…it helps me to understand why I don’t want to touch a girl sometimes…she hasn’t accepted my dominance yet…understanding the why gives me confirmation that listening to my feelings about touch is the appropriate strategy and that I’m not buffering by listening to my feelings…some girls I touch quite a lot and some not much and some I flat out ignore I continually wince about some things I read in the manosphere…”men do X” kind of things…or “women are better than men at X”…for instance, when I’m paying attention, I’m a whole lot better than most… Read more »
On a short trip to a city I visit every couple of months. I reinitiate texts with an old lead that didn’t go anywhere past A1 due to bad logistics earlier this year (we exchanged 3-4 slow messages, she missed my window, so I just let it slide). After months of silence, I ping with a light sexual innuendo accusing her of chasing me. She responds a few days later playing along and indicating she was abroad. Fair enough, but a bit late, my last night, weak logistics. I have some plans for the night and I intend to chill… Read more »
@IRL
What, you want us to acknowledge solid Game?
A minor point…you could have been flirting with girls at the station while you were waiting for your date. Dread and preselection…might have gotten her chasing you sooner. But a minor point because your direct game is so solid.
“Feedback gents?”
@theasdgamer @SJF @all
I meant post-1st-lay maintenance feedback. New territory, so I’m going to experiment a bit now.
@IRL What do you mean by new territory? What are your fears? What don’t you own about this scenario? Do you have your cognitive brain cock-blocking your soul. Do you feel like you need more game skills? I can’t possibly lend reference experience about PUA Game you need, but I can lend mindset experience. Two things I can recommend: Reread the whole series of Plate Theory in Year One by Rollo. It’s not about having tons of plates (but can be) it’s about having an attitude. Read Manual of Seduction by Franco (ebook) to free your mind in order to… Read more »
@IRL “I may ping a couple of times before my visit in a few months. Sexualize, make it playful. Respond if she initiates, but don’t make it her frequent habit. Get a room and invite her directly there with something we could do together. If she bails, suggest a bar nearby, maybe even employ the wallet game. Lead and escalate. Until then on hold, I have other shit going on in my life.” Great Field Report man. You got the right idea. Radio Silence for now. Ping the week that you’ll be there. Tell her to meet you at your… Read more »
I have a question as regards social circle game over club game. It seems that there are more severe penalties for a misstep in social circles v. clubs, so that means that social circles favor women and clubs favor men. Thoughts?
@SJF
New territory = never worked with such extended timescales.
My instinct tells me to do what @j just described. More room for her imagination and a low investment on my part. Setting priorities, my man.
I think it’s a low probability game either way, many things happen in people’s lives. I’m cool with that.
Hmmm… does pushing for nudes or 18+ sex talk decrease the odds afterwards? *evil grin*
@Sentient: it is time for me to try to set something up with girl 2, during next week, perhaps for the next weekend. Not sure if 1st weekend that I can is too soon given that it is kind of the first good opportunity. Among some other regular comfort talk interlaced with some bits with innuendo, and because she had complied by sending me the pic I took of her in venue 2 when I asked for it, I sent her some pics of me that DHV’d a bit more and tied in with one of the proposals I had… Read more »
IAS
Where are you on flirty sexualized text banter with her? Have you done any of this yet?
Ehat was the thread with ” lucky to get one” and how did you reapond to that?
@Sentient: I have some flirty stuff going. We’ve been talking about pretty celeb women. The most obvious one was I wrote “I get big when the time is right” (that was the most obvious one but it had some context about me being like a kid, which she keeps persisting on joking about – I don’t mind). When she sent the first pic she said she doesn’t look good on pics. I called her out on such blatant fishing for compliments and she massively qualified herself saying she gets compliments all the time she doesn’t need to do that (to… Read more »
IAS Haha she was sexualizing the pic exchange far more than you. When I was discussing pics upthread, it was to be increasingly sexual pics… And you get those in this kind of situation through a far more commanding and leading frame. No time to go into it today. Check CH how to get a girl to send naked pics to start with and yareally archive. All of this is to build up attraction so when she does come and do whatver irl excercise with you next you are not starting from ground zero again. But if you keep slipping… Read more »
@Sentient: I really don’t see that here at all, puzzling. To me it seemed she was reluctant to send me the pic I took and that she was afraid it could pop up somewhere (as if I would post it on social media), but I did game a bit on text and got her to do it. I guess if you think that, you would support a pull for a beach meet up. But I think given that she didn’t comply, I should do an obvious push first (maybe in the same e-mail as the invite)? Waiting a bit more… Read more »
@Sentient again: that CH article about the nudes is hilarious as usual (some good ideas there). The ones that may work better for that here are any teases about it being too bad that if she doesn’t look good in any pics, she also won’t look good in nude ones. But I’m more interested in the meetup than in the pics (although nudes would have been pretty nice of course). My initial idea was – she complies and sends me some carefully selected pics, then I go you are right you don’t look that good in pictures, it is better… Read more »
IAS so I asked for hers” so that I could check what she means about her not looking good in pics”. Then she goes “Don’t even think about it, enough pics, you got lucky to get one”. She is expecting you to seek more sexual pics… But I think given that she didn’t comply, I should do an obvious push first At this point, it’s not about the pics.. I’d drop that. Pics was just a means to escalate the sexuality. So focus on that. But by all means, do some push too. Don’t just be there 24/7 for her,… Read more »
@Sentient: yes, that was more or less along the lines I thought it should go. So I took longer since her previous e-mail to reply and she replied rather promptly compared to other times (could be a coincidence). And she is playing along in some respects (I got a few smiles out of this e-mail). But something that confuses me – there has been a kids talk tangent – the thing about me being a kid is part of it. It is ongoing since the dinner when I said I don’t want to have kids and she said “Me neither”… Read more »
@IAS Seems like a lot of effort. I suggest more focus: 1. Define your GOAL. P in V [*]? BJ? Kiss? Nudes? New GF experience? Activities in a female company? Pen pal? You should be absolutely clear about what it is that you want. Ignore the rest, don’t spend too much time on it, you don’t need it. 2. Come up with a MINIMUM viable path to your goal. Whatever your initial plan is, challenge it and trim it down. Usually, most of the stuff there are buffers. Actually, I think you’re at a point when it might be better… Read more »
Hi Rollo. I read both of your books. I have a question for you from a different angle. How do I prevent a fight with another male without feeling like a coward. I have fought my whole life, since I was a kid without any problem. However, now every time someone confronts me, I can’t stop thinking if the other person has a gun or something. I’m not scare of pain, I’m not a bad fighter. Maybe I have a higher conscience; however, is very difficult to stay calm when there are some women next to you. This may be… Read more »
@Pepe
“How do I prevent a fight with another male without feeling like a coward”
Walk away
http://yareallyarchive.com/2016/1/#comment-rationalmale-137562
https://ymaa.com/articles/violence-dynamics
Pepe
Without feeling like a coward? Denial… Perhaps copious amounts of alcohol over extended periods. Probably equal measures of both.
IAS
“But something that confuses me – there has been a kids talk tangent ”
So a woman says one thing but acts another way? Hmmmm.
Any mention of the wife is an IOI wrapped shit test… See how you respond to it. If you keep letti g her steal the frame and lead the convo you are going to kill this.
Set up your day 2 and start over in person.
thanks
@ Pepe
Question: Why are guys confronting you so much?
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/pride.html
“People are always asking me about pre-attack indicators. How do you know when you’re about to be attacked? How do you tell the difference between threat displays and pre-assault indicators? What do your look for?
Here is the #1 pre-attack indicator: YOU’RE BEING AN ASSHOLE!”
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/preattack.html
“People are always asking me about pre-attack indicators. How do you know when you’re about to be attacked? How do you tell the difference between threat displays and pre-assault indicators? What do your look for?….”
Proximity 1st.
Then, things will get very quiet and still for a few milliseconds. The calm before the storm.
Protect your neck.
I’m not being confronted all the time. I just want to understand how to be rational on those situations. How to get rid of those natural impulses. How to be alpha and walk away? Especially if there are females around
@Pepe: Females being around should not affect your decision making regarding fights, otherwise you are operating in their frame. I know there are some that disagree, but I’m firmly on YaReally’s side on this topic – even if it makes you look like a pussy, use your social skills to de-escalate, walk away, do whatever you must and avoid the fight. Fight only if you want to fight, not to impress girls. Even if you win the fight without the guy escalating into weapons or having friends that jump you during or even after, you are most likely getting into… Read more »
@IRL: I actually do enjoy the messages and the activities with this one. But kiss, nudes, fingering her, hj, and PIV on top of it all would be progressively better (in growing order of my preference).
I enjoyed the 1on1 dinner a lot as well, but I don’t want more “dinner dates” now so if she doesn’t comply with my suggestions and counter-offers lunch/dinner I’ll pass on it.
@IAS
Well, there you go. Who is the gatekeeper to these progressive tollgates?
She can sense you’re ready to settle for less than the final gate and stay there.
I’ll keep that in mind
@IRL: on the money of course.
I can’t lie to myself though, I do enjoy the messages and activities.
I’ll think more about it.
IAS – Act. The longer you go between day 2, the further she gets…
Still not better yet but was out the other day at a bar with a friend. already pretty drunk. bunch of girls come in, prettiest (easy 7, also a kind of white chick I *do* like) sits next to me. I went and chatted with her. I immediately disqualified my self by saying that I was drunk and into black chicks (she was white) so I wasn’t hitting on her or something. I *think* I might have checked out her ass and said it wasn’t anywhere near big enough to make me change my mind. But if I didn’t, I’ll… Read more »
@IRL, Sentient: thanks for the helpful push guys. As I said, she was playing along apart from the kids thing. I boldly smashed that and pushed for the beach idea on the same mail, along with some of the other fluff which I am enjoying. She sent even more fluff that I have to admit I am really enjoying. I have to give it to her, she knows how to please me in conversation, she is so my type. In the middle of it is an “I’m not mentioning kids again”. The most important part is the meetup. She is… Read more »
Update: well that was relatively painless, as she replied fast, short and direct.
“Don’t insist 🙂 Maybe later, not now”.
Another reference experience. Even without the meet up, I’m more at peace with myself for having pushed for what I wanted (which I guess was to be expected).
So there we go. I will reply to her other mail, maybe tomorrow. I guess I just pretend this other exchange didn’t exist otherwise.