Field Reports

lion-chasing-gazelle

For the past three years of The Rational Male there’s been a consistent presence in the comment threads of guys seeking advice for particular situations with regards to Game. Whether it’s fine tuning certain aspects of Game or a larger consensus of the guys participating in my comment threads it’s become obvious there’s a need for a dedicated page and comment thread to address these Field Reports.

So I’m instituting this page for exactly this. If there is some urgency to have members of The Rational Male community analyze your particular situation feel free to hit anyone up in the comments of my current post, but please refer them to your particular field report with a link to your comment here. I’m hoping this will alleviate the mass of posts for field report analysis and Game specific insights piled into the main blog post for any given week.

There will be some rules for this “forum” as such. I ask that you only keep your comments to addressing the field reports at hand and save your larger theoretical stuff for the main posts, or if relevant, keep the “bigger scope of things” posts to being as succinct as possible. There will be no moderation in this comment thread (spamming excepted), so realize it will be a very hot kitchen before you post. I will impose no restrictions on video links here, nor will I limit links to various, but pertinent articles.

Understand, this is an experiment for now. It’s likely this comment thread will exceed thousands of comments. I’ll be instituting new comment plug-ins for wordpress to deal with this in the future, but I may archive this page the the posts and refresh this page in the future as well. If this gets cumbersome I may simply institute a dedicated forum-style sub-site of The Rational Male to accommodate for Game specific questions.

So have at it, post your field reports and feel free to comment on the ones you have some particular insight for. Be forewarned that it’s likely things may get a bit salty at times and I expect a lot of back & forth with debate and disagreements, but that’s what this thread is for – to hash out Game particulars for your given situations.

 

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kfg
Today’s immature high school seniors are next year’s immature college freshman, only they’ll have fewer restraints on their behavior.

A friend of mine called it “13th grade”, joking but not really joking.

Unless one goes into something that requires diligence and hours-on-the-floor. Then there’s a culling.

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Youngshagger
“I find myself having to dumb myself down in most social settings”

Palmasailor
Yes me too. My sense of humour is wasted on 99.99% of women, and about 80% of men.

That’s all part of calibration. We don’t tell the same jokes at a convention as at an auto parts store as at the bar later than night. Right?

Calibrating so one doesn’t come across as a know it all or an autistic sperg is a good thing. Arguably part of reading people. So part of “burden of performance”.

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YS Avoid the path of ” dumbing down “. People are as they are, and sometimes never grow and mature. Don’t cater to those folks. Nowadays maturity has been demoted in favor of a arrested development program. People are not keen on acting their age . It’s part of the downward spiral thing. You don’t have to join. Once upon a time I made friends freely everywhere I went, but things change as broader society excuses adolescent behaviors until deep into a person’s 40’s. Stay true to yourself lest anxiety set in. You might have to go through 10-20 ”… Read more »

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@blax It’s not about having to dumb oneself down to get young attractive girls. It’s about developing an attractive personality/sense of humor. That they resonate with. It comes from hanging out with 20 something year olds, watching the same TV shows/movies, following funny meme accounts on Twitter/Instagram etc, Like I brought up this point with Sentient a couple of months ago, about Palma’s sense of humor when he shared a screenshot about some young chick who ghosted him after his “low bridges” and “cattle grids”. I know you’re not stupid. My wing’s not stupid (works at one of the big… Read more »

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trigger warning: I’m speaking to autists “Avoid the path of ‘ dumbing down ‘” …yet meet people where they are…I wouldn’t talk to Blax using physics jargon…he might understand it and surprise me…but probably if I talked about the complex index of refraction his eyes would develop a glaze…so, I would speak to Blax assuming intelligence, but not a physics background… …but with people of modest intelligence, I’d speak differently than I would to Blax… …all that being said, Blax is talking about dumbing yourself down. He is right. Don’t do that. “broader society excuses adolescent behaviors until deep into… Read more »

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Asd

Adolescent in this case refers to those who just mentally don’t nature past a younger age.

Some folks just get stuck and they get older, but they don’t mature. They may be 40 chronologically, but they still see and understand the world around them as they did when they were 19. One is supposed to gain wisdom with age. It’s mostly acceptable nowadays to be a dolt at any age.

I think it’s a function of everything being so convenient and easy in some way.

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Asd

My eyes only glaze when I hear folks gossiping or talking about the most basic shit.

I know enough about physics to want to know more, so I’d probably dig the conversation and will come away with more than I knew going in. My uncle once told me ” you can live a thousand years, studying ever single day, and when you die the book of things you never knew would be taller than you are right know “. LOL, it’s like he cast a spell on me by saying that.

YoungShagger
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Palma

I was more focused on having fun with my friends last night than that girl so I was not too concerned. What is AMOGd though?

SJF
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“What is AMOGd though?”

You showing the other guy up. This would have to be done with Game. He was tall and skinny. You are short(er) and muscular. So personality would have to be the tie breaker. Or Frame>Game>Looks.

https://www.pualingo.com/alpha-male-of-group-amog/

https://therationalmale.com/2015/02/02/the-art-of-amog/

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@YS “I was more focused on having fun with my friends last night than that girl so I was not too concerned.” hmmmm… “I am mad that the kid kind of cucked me and garnered her interest” you sure about that? lol. “What is AMOGd though?” He means if you wanted to fuck her, you could have gone up to him and tooled him in front of her, then taken her off him (after spiking her emotions: “hey bro, is it cool if I borrow my friend back? I needa talk to her real quick about some dumb shit. but… Read more »

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“You might have to go through 10-20 ” regular ” people before you find 1 person you can resonate with. That’s just the way it is, but it will come with built in appreciation for all involved.” Yes. And these days, people don’t always need you so much. So when they do mature in a relationship with you? Sometimes they move on. Sometimes you move on to greener pastures. So you got the 20:1 to deal with, then you got the moving on to deal with. It’s just how things happen to go. So with that knowledge, plow through a… Read more »

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@Youngshagger You’re wayyyyyyy over-thinking banging girls and making excuses for not doing so by positioning your personal goals as taking precedent as though that is some sort of excuse. By thinking too much about banging (or not banging?) girls you’re still obsessing. By obsessing you’re likely giving off an awkward vibe that girls smell as trying too hard or somehow being uncalibrated. Relax. I find myself in similar situations when I’m too worried about one thing over another. The key here is prioritizing your goals and making sure you find time to do things you enjoy. In that context you… Read more »

theasdgamer
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“I know enough about physics to want to know more, so I’d probably dig the conversation and will come away with more than I knew going in. “ Going on 14 like me, lol. Having a fresh way of viewing the world without getting cynical or jaded. But not being adolescent according to your meaning. “Some folks just get stuck and they get older, but they don’t mature.” Some of us have developmental issues, possibly because of genes. But I do develop–just more slowly than non-autists. The upside is that at my age I don’t have joint issues. The downside… Read more »

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ford
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Short FR – Popped out last night for a beer. Opened 2 girls sitting down. Both very hot. Opened with a self-amusing/ silly roleplay type opener (tend to do better than with most other PUA opener advice, tbh!). Pretended that my friend was some German pen-pal who I needed help with and couldn’t understand, and within seconds the vibe was really good and we were all laughing etc. They were super friendly girls. We ‘came clean’ and just started chatting. One of them kind of recognised me. I started trying to game the one nearest to me. Teased her. DHV’d.… Read more »

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@ford ‘she more or less picked up the girl I had been kissing and carried her away” Something I like to do with unattractive friends of the girl I’m interested in, is rather than send my wingman to help me out (because I know he’s gonna be useless lol) is I game both of them. With emphasis on trying to find the unattractive one a guy, by asking her what kinda guy she likes. Usually the guy, is unnatractive himself. Because unnatractive girls want guys who they know will give them a chance (they don’t pick out the hot guy… Read more »

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@Sailor – yeah, wings are a weird one. One of my wings is like some male model and it screws up my head when i’m out with him as all the PUA stuff I read gets turned on it’s head in front of my eyes lol. Girls open him, sometimes fairly directly, and even escalate on him etc (especially when it gets later) and all he needs to do is not be super weird/awkward. Probably same as Bacchus and many of the new age pua’s I see on youtube I think Reminds me of this from rooshV https://www.rooshv.com/you-have-no-idea-how-easy-it-is-for-good-looking-men My other… Read more »

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Just came back from Dancing meat two really beautiful women One is older and such a great dancer her name is Tammy the other is a girl who just came out for the first time an the dance floor been in the area for one mouth from Columbia.
Anyway reaching out and dancing is enriching. Came back to work right after
https://imgur.com/ELHoGLD

DJM
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Hey guys! I am posting here because I need some specific Game advice. I know this is not a PUA forum and broader topics are discussed here. If anyone on here who is still out in the field could please help me out, it would be great. I have been out approaching in nightclubs primarily but also on the street doing some daygame. I read the Book of YaReally and the RSD products he recommends and have been trying to follow that advice. With RSD there is no initial structure for the conversation, Julien says say whatever and the whole… Read more »

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@DJM Welcome to the TRM Field Reports section – this is the right place to talk about Game and PUA stuff, although the perspectives you will get in response are broader than most PUA perspectives. If you’ve read YaReally’s stuff and have looked at the RSD content, there is not that much more you need in terms of reading and resources. It’s more a question of getting out there and practicing and applying it (and then reflecting on it – writing Field Reports, thinking about what you did well, what you did badly, what you can improve). This is a… Read more »

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@Everyone: I’d appreciate some external insight and specific advice if you men care to give it. It concerns my wife. Some of you may remember, most don’t care so here is with some relevant background. We live in a long distance relationship for many years (mostly my decisions regarding career). Present status (for 2-3 years), I don’t wear a ring for a while, and we are legally financially separated (strongly my decision, she hated it but I said it is that or divorce and she mostly accepted it as the new normal). We are both nearly 40. She ever increasingly… Read more »

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IAS

Well I had a post go missing. Short answer…

Stop fucking around and get the divorce sorted asap. Tell her not to worry about you and use her good feelings in getting things done. You dont want to set off any jealous spurned crazy drama. And you dont want her to get pregnant while things drag out. Right now she thinks she has 12 orbiters to call on. Use this window and get things sorted.

Sentient
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Just be like “you deserve kids you need to use all the time you have” etc.

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DJM

RSD had structure, copied from Mystery… Just stripped down.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R2uvc6AwjRY

Put yourself in the state they want to be in
Self-amused opener
“Swing through” the opener until you reach hook point (90/10)
Layer in Statements of Intent/verbal flirtation
Begin interacting physically / establish romantic attraction
Determine logistical suitability
Build trust, comfort, and connection
Pull smoothly yet decisively (baby steps)
Make love in the night

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IAS

You see there is her when you two are alone, and then there is her away with 12 “sisters” brining all their baggage to the table and all wanting a pound of male flesh… Your skinny ass can’t afford all that.

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@IAS – good luck with it all.

I can’t really give the advice on this, but I will just say it’s not beta to have emotions and feelings about your wife for god’s sake! That’s normal and healthy – what you don’t want is to be ruled by those feelings, and you don’t want to put her on a pedestal or be subordinate to her – your Mission comes first. But other than – of course you’ll love your wife – you’re not a robot.

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IAS —

Double on the getting things done re divorce while relations are still amicable. Much, much better that way. Play up to her freedom and so on to get it finished and over with.

Don’t worry so much about your feels — you will have them. Don’t dwell on them, or let them control what you do, just experience them and let them pass and move on with your plans.

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@IAS When do you get the worst outcome? Not necessarily when you make a bad decision. Most likely when you don’t make a decision at all and you slowly drift with the stream of things unrolling without you realizing it. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes it’s years. But the world is not static and eventually moves on. Up to you how painful you make this. I just checked the dates in my notes and it looks like I wrote this to you almost 2 years ago: But you, my friend, don’t look for excuses in my dealings with life to… Read more »

having a bad day
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@IAS wow… you’re really f*kin’ up your situ…lol and we are legally financially separated not unless you went to court for a decision, you aren’t… if all you have is ‘separate accounts/’separated money streams’ you are still legally financially together… unless the laws are much different in your country… but likely not… We are both nearly 40. She ever increasingly decided she wanted kids and I don’t. sooo, you “cheated her out of her child-bearing years… and likely any opportunity to have a child at all… with the man she loves and waited for… and was faithful to…etc”… <— what… Read more »

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@Everyone: thanks. The situation is legally safe on the economic front (Palma knows this – if he remembers – but the rest of you wouldn’t). The laws are different here. I got legally separated (in financial terms) lover 2 years ago, she got legal rights to half our shared income up until that legal separation. She can no longer divorce rape me or get alimony, and because we did it more than X months ago, either of us can get a divorce without the other consent or other trouble with courts. It was actually very recent that I basically bought… Read more »

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You’re physically separated. You’re not only legally separated, but have already surpassed the waiting period. You aren’t staying together for the kids you don’t have and don’t want. You’re not monogamous.

So, ummmmmmmmm, what?

Blaximus
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IAS I’m sure I’ve asked you this years ago, but I don’t remember your response ( early onset dementia and all that ) – why did you get married if you didn’t want kids? As for the divorce stuff: 1) It’s emotionally hard at points if you actually loved your wife. As was said earlier, we aren’t robots ( nor psychopaths….mostly ). I shed many tears before, during and after my divorce. Don’t tell anybody = ) 2) Cosign what others have said here. It’s solid advice. Make up your mind and get moving on this a.s.a.p.. My divorce destroyed… Read more »

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@HABD: LOL you are great man, thanks for the laughs and the good advice. @KFG: yes I get it, I’m an idiot. Years ago I floated the idea about “demoting” my wife from marriage to LTR (because the legal system here allowed it). I think pretty much everyone in the MRP reddit told me I was an idiot (which as the current situation shows, is true, but not for that reason). Yet I did manage that and it became the new normal. I guess that success gave me too much hope that she would “fall in line” and that my… Read more »

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@Blaximus: thanks, that really does help. To answer your question. I didn’t know whether I wanted kids or not, neither did she. I think the true answer is that I was – beyond BP – very religious back then, and by 26 I really wanted to have sex already (I wouldn’t have phrased it that way back then). I had some epic blue balls I can tell you – we had been together for some 6 years by then. She is my first and only girlfriend, likewise for her, and although I didn’t really know how to vet I don’t… Read more »

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“I don’t want to go into that too much now as it makes me sadder”.

Sentient
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IAS OK I get you are dealing with feelz etc. But this place doesn’t care. Just like Hypergamy! “I guess that success gave me too much hope that she would “fall in line” and that my RP awareness would be enough to keep her there. ” You need to be clear with yourself that you did not push things. Tou did not declare she was tour wife therefore she would be living with you etc. You have several moves ledt on the table. You can’t say the RP let you down here. You sidestepped. Perhaps this is the opportunity? I… Read more »

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@Sentient: yes I’m dealing with feelings, which is particularly hard for me. I’m sure it wasn’t RP letting me down, even if I think my knowledge of it is strong, my skills in putting it to practice are below average. I fucked up. As IRL so explicitly illustrated with his repost. What you said is what I considered. That was the hope really, that she would fall into my Frame, give me desire sex on demand, stop wanting kids and be happy for a change. Obviously none of that is happening. I admit I didn’t fully commit. Acceptable to her… Read more »

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@IAS
This may not be a popular opinion here but in your shoes I would be getting snipped ASAP and divorced. Even though the laws in your country are on your side now, once she has a kid (either yours or someone else’s) (y’know, baby-fever)) the ball game will change on you. Use N2/N3 and N3+1… to enjoy life.

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IAS That was the hope really, that she would fall into my Frame, give me desire sex on demand, stop wanting kids and be happy for a change. Obviously none of that is happening. Yeah well that is every guy’s hope. But hoping is not how that happens… And trying to game her when she is far away is not how that happpens. I mean you are spinning two plates and she doesn’t even think you would be ready for sex with another girl…? She never felt any dread at all… That’s beyond not “fully” committing. That’s just sticking your… Read more »

having a bad day
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@IAS

And I don’t want to tell her to quit her job to come live with me for some reasons, one of which is she is very likely to say no because she doesn’t like living in the “big city” (she directly says she doesn’t want to live here, I never did outright tell her to come)

seriously dude?…lol

i can’t even….lol

good luck!

having a bad day
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@IAS

have you EVER been out of her frame?… serious question…

good luck!

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@IAS: I wasn’t trying to highlight that you were being an idiot. I was trying to highlight that you weren’t answering the question. You’re dithering. If you were being an idiot at least you’d be doing something. Up until now your dithering has been asymmetrical, it’s moved you to the point where you are a just a mechanical process away from a final decree, yours for the asking, but that has put you up on the razor’s edge. You can’t balance there forever. Sooner or later you will slip and fall, and when you fall you will be cut. You… Read more »

disgruntledearthling
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He only sees her 3/4 times a year so it’s not huge risk.

No, she may just decide to use someone else to get impregnated and then he’s stuck for the next 18+ years.

j
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“she may just decide to use someone else to get impregnated and then he’s stuck for the next 18+ years”.

How?

Can’t he just show the court the papers with the date he had the vasectomy done. Showing how the timing of her pregnancy wouldnt add up?

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lol my bad. Dumb brain.

But yeah. Get snipped and keep seeing her long distance. While continuing to bang your plates. She’s clearly still in love with him and has been with him for over what 15+ years without a child. Clearly having a kid is not really a top priority for her, if she’s been with him for this long without ditching him for a new man to get her pregnant.

Jody
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I had posted a comment in the Best of Rational male section earlier, and was kindly recommended to post here , Thanks to ‘Palmasailor’ and ‘having a bad day’ for the advice. After 11 years of marriage, being a good husband and a good father to my two beautiful children, my wife informed me that she no longer loved me and thought we would separate. After going crazy trying to figure it all out an acquaintance of mine passed me your book and things are beginning to come into perspective that I had never connected the dots to before. I… Read more »

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Thanks Palmasailor. I already booted the in laws out, but spent the past month away as my father was dying of cancer. I was actually already acting like more of an asshole in an attempt to force her out. Going to grab her ass, grope her boobs, tell her how fat and poorly dressed she is and make her as uncomfortable as she has made me while I was still in the appeasing what she is saying phase. But now reading your response, that may have the opposite of defect of what I was planning. I will post after some… Read more »

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Jody After 11 years of marriage, being a good husband and a good father to my two beautiful children, my wife informed me that she no longer loved me and thought we would separate. The best thing you can do is to STOP living by the Golden Rule ^^^ and start living by the Platinum Rule. The Platinum Rule – Do what YOU want to do, whenever YOU want to do it. This is the way to start to develop Alpha, and kill the beta. as to this “she has offered in couples counseling that I am not a “doer”… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Jody I had posted a comment in the Best of Rational male section earlier, and was kindly recommended to post here , Thanks to ‘Palmasailor’ and ‘having a bad day’ for the advice. After 11 years of marriage, being a good husband and a good father to my two beautiful children, my wife informed me that she no longer loved me and thought we would separate. basic sh*t test… and need more detail… After going crazy trying to figure it all out an acquaintance of mine passed me your book and things are beginning to come into perspective that I… Read more »

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Thanks Sentient. Well I have had around 19 sexual partners in my time. I was in three long term relationships but other than my marriage the longest before that was 3 years. I was raised single handedly by my mother who stayed married to my father until his passing earlier this year. He was a hard worker but not very involved with his children and an alcoholic. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, and we are all very close. I met my wife after moving to Toronto for work after university. I was in a good place in my… Read more »

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Thanks having a bad day.

“want your wife slimmed down/yoga’d up and s-ckin’ your c-ck everyday (with anal on the weekends…lol)… with home-cooked meals in a clean house?… totally doable…”

Doesn’t every man want that?

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Jody, Welcome here. “You might post a little background on your experience level with women, how you met W, her experience etc. for more context.” The comments section, especially here in field reports is a good venue to actually give a field report: a story about something that happened or is happening, and how you did something and your wife responded, or how she reacted or how her efforts at shit testing you are affecting you. I wrote out some questions that I thought of to find out more about you. I did this before you responded to HABD and… Read more »

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“Doesn’t every man want that?” No. Some men just want their wives to drive off a cliff so badly that they’ll provide their favorite car if it will make it happen. What do you want? Protip: Your wife has been telling you that she doesn’t want that, but doesn’t like not wanting that and wants to want it (yes, that makes woman sense), but you haven’t figured out how to hear that yet. So, putting some top spin on the question, are you willing to want what you want? That question, which so obviously ought to be answered “Well, duh!”… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Palmasailor @HABD I don’t want to interfere why not?…lol… i make mistakes too ya know…lol… and when you ‘interfere’ everybody wins!…. bc we can all learn some new sh*t… but why this: “as long as it hasn’t gotten to P in V” You repeat this so it’s a point for you. yes, it is… and why do you think that might be?… do you suppose?… (hint – a girl’s hind-brain is like an autistic Yoda…lol… “Do (AF) or Do not (BB)… there is no try…” (on steroids)) what position (‘have options’ = AF… OR… ‘no options’ = BB) do you… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Jody

Thanks having a bad day.

“want your wife slimmed down/yoga’d up and s-ckin’ your c-ck everyday (with anal on the weekends…lol)… with home-cooked meals in a clean house?… totally doable…”

Doesn’t every man want that?

do YOU?… <— that’s the ONLY man that matters in your situ…

good luck!

having a bad day
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@Jody kfg

So, putting some top spin on the question, are you willing to want what you want? That question, which so obviously ought to be answered “Well, duh!” is actually the tricky part.

restating for emphasis…

the FI/BP will try to/has punished you (shaming) for ‘wanting what you want’… so, this is an important RP concept to swallow…

good luck!

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@Palma I get the gist of what HABD is saying if she gets other P in her V. At that point, he can’t retrieve his status. Merely the difference in married Beta status (which Jody’s wife is telegraphing loud and clear), vs. single guy non BB status (which have been your reference experiences). Illimitable Man maxim #27: “Women will not go backwards in commitment, men will not go backwards sexually. Corollary: unless the man or woman in question has no better options, in which case they will, with misery.” Jody’s wife being overt about interest in another man/men is a… Read more »

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Jody

“. I was in a good place in my life, starting a career in IT for a bank here and made a lot of new social connections and had had my share of girls.”

Can you tie this Jody into the Alpha Triad – dynamic, passionate and authentic displays?

It’s the usual case J. You had enough Alpha back then, probably had some hand in the relationship… Then pissed it all away trying to do the “right” things… That FI is a real bitch.

You just need to wake up now and let the inner Jody back out.

IAS
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@HABD: I don’t see how several of my actions, mentioned in the recap, could be seen as being in my wife’s Frame. Prioritising career over living with her and not being monogamous any more in particular. In general, yes I’m often in her Frame in that I worry significantly about what she wants etc. @KFG: your point was clear. See below my cost-benefit analysis. @Sentient: I’m looking at it this way: At this stage, if I was already divorced, I wouldn’t (re-)marry her. If I look at it from the outside, that means I should divorce unless what I have… Read more »

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I remember Sentient’s talk of frisson in songs: https://youtu.be/zP72VIL2IRI Losing a Whole Year Third Eye Blind Losing a whole year I remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamned day in bed Losing a whole year Lying in your room we’d lay like dogs The phone would ring like a joke that’s left unsaid Rich daddy left you with a parachute Your voice sounds like money and your face is cute But your daddy left you with no love You touch everything with a velvet glove and Now you want to try a life of sin You want… Read more »

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Oh no…

Another P in V is a nuclear deal breaker.

SJF
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“Oh no… Another P in V is a nuclear deal breaker.” Missing the point by a mile Blax. Jody dug into a hole. Blue pill Beta. His wife sees an exit strategy. He’s asking for advice. If his wife advances to the edge and jumps off. She will execute what his greatest fear is: Not having his kids have complementary parents that raise them well. Which I assume at this point is a priority over not getting laid on the regular. And having his wife admire and respect him and want to have sex with him. While his inter-sexual goals… Read more »

Just Beers
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@Young Shagger

Greetings from a fellow wrestler, Div III, and long-time HS coach. I don’t know your story, but my father was a drinker too, and I tried to salvage my parent’s failed relationship by white knighting a damaged woman. A lost decade and schisms due to the rearing of our son, we’re long done but still enmeshed.

Hit me up if I can be of any help.

JB

Blaximus
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SJF

I was responding to something that came up in the IAS discussion.

SJF
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“I was responding to something that came up in the IAS discussion.” Ok, got it. Thought it was the ugly Jody discussion. @JB/YS YoungShagger, BTW, just as it happens to go to your dynamics, you never mentioned anything about your mother. What is your story about her. Wrestling is an awesome sport and has many inspiring life lessons built into it. And also BTW, you should proceed in life as if your father was dead. Not literally, but figuratively. Drunk fathers are a dead weight. Drunk fathers with expectations for you are ever more weight around your neck. “A man… Read more »

theasdgamer
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““This may not be a popular opinion here but in your shoes I would be getting snipped ASAP and divorced.”

He only sees her 3/4 times a year so it’s not huge risk.”

…then she’s about 40…

…but getting snipped is a huge risk to his having kids…when he’s 60, he may see things about having kids differently…and then it will likely be too late…and people will expect his kids to be his grandkids and it will seem weird…

theasdgamer
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“After 11 years of marriage, being a good husband and a good father to my two beautiful children, my wife informed me that she no longer loved me and thought we would separate.”

…not that you’re ready to do this yet, because of your feelings, but an excellent response to “we should separate” is “I think it’s a great idea! Let’s not dilly-dally about it. When can you move out?” with a huge smile on your face. For icing on the cake, add, “But we can still be friends.”

Just Beers
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@SJF “And also BTW, you should proceed in life as if your father was dead. Not literally, but figuratively.” This may not be such a bad idea re: mothers too, no? I wonder just how many men simply haven’t unpacked the relationship with both parents when seeking female companionship. I know Rollo is not a fan of Jung, nor Peterson (who references Jung quite a bit), but I find Jungian therapist and author James Hollis quite helpful in drawing attention to my own decisions based on historical family dynamics. @ Young Shagger If you haven’t partaken in sharing some technical… Read more »

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@Palma and all re: medication I’ve been surprised by how many people, especially some of my therapist clients, who are on them. It was around this time last year when I was going crazy enough in fighting for keeping our father/son relationship healthy and intact moving forward that I seriously considered taking something, and filled two prescriptions for them. Despite going through some very rough times in my mental/emotional life throughout the years, I’d never considered taking anything outside of the occasional drink to get me by. It’s right then and there that I realized just how crazy things had… Read more »

Culum Struan
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@Jody – welcome to the Field Report thread. I can’t comment on how to turn a marriage around, but you’ll get some great advice here. I will second (or third?) the recommendation to listen to Sentient and HABD’s advice in particular – both of them turned around failing marriages so they know exactly what you are going through. I don’t think either of their marriages ever got to the point of the wife asking to separate, but if I remember correctly, HABD’s marriage was nearly there – it didn’t actually happen but was weeks away from it when he started… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@Palma ‘But very early on she hit me for “exclusivity”.’ Did you see any signs that this was coming before the girl actually broached the subject? If you had created drama–like a firebreak—might this have satisfied the girl’s need for drama so that the subject never came up? “Every time there would be some sort of drama about her having “issues down there” to do with ph levels” …drama…maybe this is what the girl was needing the whole time…no matter how much a girl may say that she hates drama, her psyche may actually need it…(a girl really may hate… Read more »

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re: medication

If you absolutely need them, then you absolutely need them — it’s better than ending up as a suicide. But unless you absolutely need them, it’s best to do things without them, because you’re going to want/need to get off of them at some stage anyway, and you will eventually need to learn to deal with things and move forward in a positive, effective, masterful way without them.

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“….Also, I have heard recommendations here on TRM for a book called the Married Man Sex Life Primer on Kindle/Amazon… Athol Kay distilled a bunch of manosphere advice on how be more of a doer in that book. He also has a $2.99 Kindle book called The Mindful Attraction Plan: Your Practical Roadmap to Creating the Life, Love and Success You Want on Amazon. It is a springboard for being more Attractive, Not Unattractive. BluePill Professor (RedPill Coach) distilled Athol Kay, Rollo Tomassi and others’ red pill content into a book Saving a Low Sex Marriage: A Man’s Guide to… Read more »

having a bad day
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@IAS And I don’t want to tell her to quit her job to come live with me for some reasons, one of which is she is very likely to say no because she doesn’t like living in the “big city” (she directly says she doesn’t want to live here, I never did outright tell her to come) whose frame is this?… you didn’t tell her to quit her job and move with you to the city bc she MIGHT say “NO”?…lol… did you even OFFER that as an OPTION to her?… i’m betting not… bc that lets the ‘structure’ of… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Palmasailor @HABD “aaand did you let her come back?… for more than just a fb/fwb?… and, if so, how did THAT work out?” Well, none of that would really bother me if I was getting what I want. that’s bc you are firmly out of ‘marriage mode’…lol… and you are operating from fb only MPoO… think back to your marriage before you were sick… would you accept a p in v with some other dude from the ex- and then ‘take her back’?… even IF you were getting porn-start sex?… With the one I have in mind we were having… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Culum Jody @Jody – welcome to the Field Report thread. I can’t comment on how to turn a marriage around, but you’ll get some great advice here. I will second (or third?) the recommendation to listen to Sentient and HABD’s advice in particular – both of them turned around failing marriages so they know exactly what you are going through. I don’t think either of their marriages ever got to the point of the wife asking to separate, but if I remember correctly, HABD’s marriage was nearly there – it didn’t actually happen but was weeks away from it when… Read more »

Jody
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SJF, sorry for the delay, had a lot to read through and absorb and almost missed your questions post. How well read are you in regards to the manosphere and red pill? –Just introduced within the past two months. Read first two volumes and now starting into this blog. What content have you consumed. What red pill books have you read? –I have read TRM vol.1 and vol.2 so far. How long have you been reading the comments section at The Rational Male here? –just in the past month or so. What do you think of your wife? –I find… Read more »

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edit: What content have you consumed. What red pill books have you read? –I have read TR’P’ vol.1 and vol.2 so far.

SJF
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@Jody I’m glad I asked those questions for inventory. And I really appreciate you answering them in a straight-forward way. Without buffering. You seem very engineering-like. In an effective way. This is a deep hole you are in. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It is what it is. As such, the biggest thing I take from your answers is that you are totally new to married red pill. The good news is that there are plenty of resources out there for you to improve things. Here is a general outline of BluePillProfessor/Red Pill Coach’s outline of operant… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Jody

think about applying this concept in interacting with your wife…

polite indifference…

also be extra supportive to your kids…

good luck!

Sentient
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Jody

I can clearly see it is my Dynamic aspect that requires the most work. followed by Passion. I am Authentic, always have been.

Guys always want to jump into action… But Authenticity is the bedrock. Without authenticity you are found out and your actions producing fleeting results at best.

So you’ve always been authentic? Tell me, how does a guy have two years without sex in a a marriage and consider himself authentic?

Not buying it.

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@palma “she makes banter that where she comes from you get three so I make a face and demand 3 rd kiss and pull her in for that.” Solid. But I would have teased her here with a, “Sorry love. Every girl gets 2 kisses from me. 3 kisses are only reserved for special girls in my life” with a slight grin. Setting in the “I’m the prize” frame. Later on when she’s done something that impresses you (or made the effort to), you can lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek/forehead. If she questions you, “what… Read more »

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@Palma: it is all quite clearly an elaborate test (with several tests within), but I can’t quite decode it fully. The 3 kisses thing was also obviously a test (of thirst?) and I think J’s suggestion there could have been better depending on circumstances, but I think you did well doing it your way as well.

j
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@palma “She really did not want anything happening in public” Nothing overt maybe. Like making out and shit, but she definitely invited you to their girls night out so that you could shoot your shot with her friend. “a small round table.” Alright. and you said EE friend was seated directly in front of you? What’s stopping you from playing footsie under the table? First, break the touch barrier by playfully kicking EE friend under the table for getting something wrong (EE: “how old are you”? Palma: “how old do I look?” EE: Ummm 65?” Palma: “oh your too kind… Read more »

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Palma Things don’t progress at the rate we would like. But this was a big step. EEGF arranged proximity. But “EEGF decides where we all sit and I’m sat down next to her and opposite friend ” It’s still up to you to arrange isolation. sometimes you have to bust a move, break convention. smoothly decline to be sat where EEGF wanted and slide over to the girl. “I can talk to old friend and you at home” etc… my suspicion is that it’s not action that’s in short supply, it’s DISCRETE action that’s in short supply. Indeed. also I… Read more »

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Palma

the stuff that he and I are doing

I’m telling ya, watch EEGF. She wants you. Part of what is going on is her watching you. I’m 50/50 she arranges another get together her and you and GF – and GF isn’t there…

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@Sentient

“I’m telling ya, watch EEGF. She wants you.”

Palma 2 weeks ago: “I have to be a bit careful what I’m doing as there’s just no way I’m going anywhere near anything that’s banging my mate.

With this friend that’s off limits”

Sentient
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J Yeah, that’s his perspective. ” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. 11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house. 13 When she saw that he had left his cloak in her hand and had run out of the house, 14 she called… Read more »

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Sentient, Perhaps it is my wobbly frame that makes me say I have authenticity,but it is something I value and always show to my friends, my children, my work colleagues and myself. I very much believe that I say what I mean, I finish what I start and don’t take advantage of others. This to me seemed to be online with the definition in your post. Thank you for sharing it by the way. The first two , Dynamic especially I read and said oh shit, that is definately a problem, I haven’t been driving my own path, just stumbling… Read more »

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Palma

She doesn’t have to arrange an outing, we’re in both the house most days..

That’s not plausibly deniable – and you aren’t making moves on her so it can “just happen” in the house. I suspect it’s too close to home for her as well…

PS – Keep in mind that Joseph did NOT bang Potiphor’s wife, he just suffered the consequences of it.

Sentient
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heh. we are saying the same thing. double bind.

EhIntellect
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Jody, “After 11 years of marriage, being a good husband and a good father to my two beautiful children, my wife informed me that she no longer loved me and thought we would separate.” Are you in the right place! Great story. Pulling your marriage back on the tracks is totally doable. The theory is pretty simple though in action requires fortitude and understanding. First some RP and marriage philosophy….. Let’s you and me work on the difference of value and use. Things have value when they hold their meaning. The more meaning the greater the consequence. The greater the… Read more »

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“@foxguy You’ve mentioned that before. I have no idea what you’re planning to do or whether I know anything about it. I don’t know why you are worried about failing at this stage in the game, there are a lot of things you can put in place to make sure you don’t get in too deep with a failing concept before you actually do get in too deep. Take it over to field reports (not really the right place) if you want to chew it over.” @Palma, yeah it’s been hanging around in my mind for more than a year… Read more »

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@Palma,

Understood, my business would most likely be related around software development. I don’t have any specific business plan or the like. My personality is that I need to be against the wall and then I get very creative and my energy fires up to find a solution.

I’m expecting to fail a few times if I need to, I’ve lived dirt poor before and will go there if I need to. I need some pressure on myself and I am sure I will perform. What is your opinion of Dan Pen~a and his QLA method?

j
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“What is your opinion of Dan Pen~a and his QLA method?” There were a number of people like Dan in the 80’s going around giving seminars when leverage buyout was a more talked about thing and credit was cheap. One of Dan’s older peers is Gordon Bizar who’s seminar material is almost the same as Dan’s just more detailed. Dan did not invent what he teaches he simply taken from the best at the time and sold it better ever since. This seminar practice died out by end of the 1990’s as people had woken up to the fact that… Read more »

Culum Struan
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I didn’t have the kind of poor/working class upbringing many of the guys here did – I was pretty privileged growing up. But I did start a business in college (employees, customers, made money while I was sleeping etc) and bootstrapped it with a couple of partners. Profitable from year 1, part-time while we burned the midnight oil and also got our degrees, no outside investment, sold it after 4-5 years to a large company that basically told us they would either buy us for a decent price or undercut us and crush us because they wanted to enter the… Read more »

theasdgamer
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This is field reports, not a PUA analysis board. We are here to get data about women and our own efforts and suggestions from other guys. So fucking stop talking about random PUA coaches.

</rant ends

Sentient
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Palma @Sentient got away with it (99.99%) don’t, and I think he made it work because he joined a business that was failing and delivered customers so he complied with PalmaSailors golden rule: “He who delivers and owns the customer owns the business” Plus someone else already had the pain of building the infrastructure etc.. That’s probaby what happened but I’d stand corrected. I didn’t join a business. I quit one and went and started my own. Just me and my partner put up the money to pay my salary while we got it off the ground. Had zero clients,… Read more »

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Culum

My company – still a division of that same corporation – is still the dominant market leader in that niche although the niche itself is a lot bigger now and there are many more competitors. I just checked the website and they are still using the logo I designed at the age of 20 (slightly modified but the same concept)…

Surreal right? Same here, my old company is still creaking along (a fraction of what is was when I left) over 25 years later. Same logo.

Sentient
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Foxguy What is your opinion of Dan Pen~a and his QLA method? LOL. Just looked at this. If this is the kind of shit you are looking at for starting a business, you are insane. NONE of the many dozens of people I know who have started and grown successful long term businesses (several over $100M) ever got the idea or anything from a guy selling “Start a business” bullshit and affirmations. They came a cross a need or niche and understood how to exploit and optimize that in a way that left them with profits. And repeated this ad… Read more »

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