For the past three years of The Rational Male there’s been a consistent presence in the comment threads of guys seeking advice for particular situations with regards to Game. Whether it’s fine tuning certain aspects of Game or a larger consensus of the guys participating in my comment threads it’s become obvious there’s a need for a dedicated page and comment thread to address these Field Reports.
So I’m instituting this page for exactly this. If there is some urgency to have members of The Rational Male community analyze your particular situation feel free to hit anyone up in the comments of my current post, but please refer them to your particular field report with a link to your comment here. I’m hoping this will alleviate the mass of posts for field report analysis and Game specific insights piled into the main blog post for any given week.
There will be some rules for this “forum” as such. I ask that you only keep your comments to addressing the field reports at hand and save your larger theoretical stuff for the main posts, or if relevant, keep the “bigger scope of things” posts to being as succinct as possible. There will be no moderation in this comment thread (spamming excepted), so realize it will be a very hot kitchen before you post. I will impose no restrictions on video links here, nor will I limit links to various, but pertinent articles.
Understand, this is an experiment for now. It’s likely this comment thread will exceed thousands of comments. I’ll be instituting new comment plug-ins for wordpress to deal with this in the future, but I may archive this page the the posts and refresh this page in the future as well. If this gets cumbersome I may simply institute a dedicated forum-style sub-site of The Rational Male to accommodate for Game specific questions.
So have at it, post your field reports and feel free to comment on the ones you have some particular insight for. Be forewarned that it’s likely things may get a bit salty at times and I expect a lot of back & forth with debate and disagreements, but that’s what this thread is for – to hash out Game particulars for your given situations.
“Sometimes they’re absolutely all over me, chatting, talking shit and flirting, and other times they’re cold as ice barely able to serve me”. yeah…..I’m afraid that’s just classic Hot/Cold (or as we like to call it, Push/Pull) behavior they like running on their clientele to keep them coming back for business Maybe sometimes there’s someone around occasionally with 0.01% better game…sometimes Palma’s their best option, but not when men are around with better game…or maybe a boyfriend comes in sometimes to keep an eye on his girl…which would garner him attention from all the waitresses…or maybe the girls just enjoy… Read more »
@HABD
@theasdgamer
“Cocky funny” is for beginners while “amused mastery” is for men with solid frame–is that how you see it?
i just see ‘cocky/funny’ as a subset of ‘amused mastery’…
good luck!
Thanks. Out in the field, I see young men who can do cocky/funny to generate desire, but they end up getting dumped a lot because they lack frame. I see Amused Mastery ™ as coming out of a solid frame.
Without frame you don’t have enough game to maintain desire. Frame generates love in a woman, which lasts longer than mere desire.
Sentient (and others, but I know Sentient will be interested). Some light entertainment: I was re-reading some very old YaReally material some time ago when really bored and came across this link, some of his earliest writings when he briefly posted on Susan Walsh’s HookingUpSmart (I don’t think this is on the YaReally Archive, or at least I never saw it). This is the “Early YaReally” period – in 2012, before he learnt much about Red Pill, before he started talking about things like the importance of Laser EC etc – he was basically a pure old school PUA, but… Read more »
Tyler.😂
Interesting find Culum.
I think a few of us arent so far apart.
But yeah scrubbing works. Don’t know specifics but basically all the Rob Judge stuff is gone. Just a few things left.
Don’t know how to use Google lol?
https://www.instagram.com/robjudge/
https://robjudge.net/
Actually I do, which is why I know none of the things I’m referring to are in your links.
Dipshit.
Hi all, a progress report with a question about it. sorry it’s so long, I think some background on these days is necessary. So for VD she did quite a few things (baked a cake, set a heart shaped decoration on the table, slipped me a card under the door… ); I acknowledged to her and the kids but but didn’t reciprocate individually. The night I initiated but was given the could shoulder. I STFU. The evening after she was quite visibly upset. While she was cooking, I fixed some appetizers, poured both a glass of wine, and said “happy… Read more »
“At some point she goes along the lines of “you are no longer what you used to be, you don’t care anymore etc” […] “otherwise I’ll divorce” “Early afternoon, kids are napping. I give her a little kiss on the back of the neck; she says, can I do groceries? I simply say no, and then she initiates. I forgot the last time she did this in an afternoon” “At that point I replied “ooooooh”, as you would do to a kid making an empty threat, scooped a piece of brie with my finger, and chased her around the house… Read more »
That was really weird to say though”
why?
Because kids were at the table
Rc Sounds like a pretty good red pill performance by you. If you can read her play-script, she was following the script in that link I had posted earlier. Practical Female Psychology by J.W. South, et. al. from reddit: The Female Stages of Manipulation. Testing the Male: Giving you the cold shoulder for initiating on Valentines day. Mere Shit test for not getting her, or giving her lots of stuff and kissing her ass on Valentines. Seeking Communication: “..you are no longer what you used to be, you don’t care anymore etc”. She was sad saying this.” Mere bid for… Read more »
“Because kids were at the table”
Good. So they get to see first hand, the outcome of not taking a woman seriously.
Great parenting 👍👍👍
Rc, You’re emotionally mysterious, dismissive of her petty power games, you are generally happy with you, not acting butthurt, you’re not fixing her problems and forcing her into an emotional rollercoaster. You are leading her. She wants to be led without telling you to. You see something IRT that she doesn’t or can’t. She is simply not hardwired for visionary family leadership. She is behaving on instinct, not reason. All this is for both your benefit. She doesn’t realize it yet. You’re getting this. Nice. She rewards your leadership with the only real leverage she has in the relationship: Sex.… Read more »
“Because kids were at the table” Rc, She’s weaponizing the children against you. She’s using the kids as human shields against you, subduing you, rejecting her, telling her no. “He wouldn’t actually be that mean in front of the kids.” She doesn’t believe this STFU Rc will carry out his silent treatment. She’ll draw you down, down, down into dinner table arguments if you get emotional. Don’t fall for it. She’ll openly question your authority in front of the kids. She’ll ask for help disciplining the kids then get mad at you by claiming you’re too harsh/not harsh enough/not respected…..and… Read more »
Rc There is an hour video of Rian Stone from MRP reddit just released to the public by The 21Convention. Rian spent a couple years moderating that reddit forum which gave him reference experiences from thousands of men commenting. He distilled all the side bar book readings and boiled his presentation down to it’s essence. It’s powerful because it is distilled from a multitude of sources. Give it a listen or a watch. Use some bluetooth earbuds and listen to it while your wife is watching bad TV shows, in bed at night-time when she turns you down and you… Read more »
A little song to whistle while you work…. Where do we go from here now that all other children are growin’ up And how do we spend our lives if there’s no-one to lend us a hand I don’t want to live here no more, I don’t want to stay Ain’t gonna spend the rest of my life, Quietly fading away Games people play, You take take it or you leave it Things that they say, Honor Brite If I promise you the Moon and the Stars, Would you believe it Games people play in the middle of the night… Read more »
Rc I like it when the customer complains about the price,this means they expect to pay me. The ones that agree to easy then want credit later. She may be checking your investment commitment for long term strategy. This is a dual negotiation part control grab for the sex and part long term sales strategy,if she can get you to argue about two years down the road her frame is set for two years and you’re in her wheel house. Good move with the brie, you may play for keeps,she is always just playing you because of this so play… Read more »
“Wahoo is correct in that if you play this game it will “lock you in her wheelhouse”” I respectfully disagree. Rc is not locked into anything, ever. He can and must at-will re-negotiate any part of his relationship at any time he sees fit. He’s allowed to agree then hypocritically reverse himself. He’s allowed to change his mind. The standards of marriage and hypocrisy are set by people who have no interest in Rc, masculinity and men in general. So, again, IMHO, those people and their standards can go fuck off. She’ll call foul as she doesn’t understand the new… Read more »
Her effort for control two years down the road is a game most likely played for multiple reasons-prizes;status,sustenance,protection and shit test. This is normal behavior in this situ she is trying to lock up or nail down what is happening,this isn’t in her best interest rather the extinction burst Palma was reffering to. As things are in constant flux she can never lock it up or nail it down,on the other hand if he gets involved in the conflict instead of assuming the win, he will fall into her frame and could remain there indefinitely. Don’t mismisunderstand me.LOL
RC So for VD she did quite a few things (baked a cake, set a heart shaped decoration on the table, slipped me a card under the door… ); I acknowledged to her and the kids but but didn’t reciprocate individually. The night I initiated but was given the could shoulder. I STFU. Test Passed I try to follow be attractive or STFU. I reply that nothing has changed for me but I don’t want to give the list of the things I did or tried to do. After she keeps pushing, I say, this time a bit more upset,… Read more »
@wahoo
Don’t mismisunderstand me.LOL
+1 Maybe EI was fleshing out an alternative, which you clarified and the entire interaction is educational for the readers.
SIL has been giving more comfort lately, which has made DG more accepting of him occasionally, yet he is still a dumbfuck and fails to understand that he needs to be able to read DG’s signals better and pass her comfort tests, which he fails intermittently. SIL has no clue that comfort tests even exist. DG sees him as a dumbfuck and isn’t ready to go back to him.
@SJF
Reading “The Art of Seduction” is interesting in terms of evaluating your own game and personality. I also found it interesting to compare to PUA game (a la “Mystery Method”). Mystery’s wisdom is more complete, but TAoS is still worth reading just to help with calibration skills so that you can identify game that others are using (in all of real life, not just bars). I’m still reading it.
@ wahoo
All good. I agree with you. Context matters. Rc has been performing well.
RC,
Question for you: Has your wife ever known or recognized you as Alpha? IOW, has she ever long-term willingly submitted to your household leadership, in and out of bed?
@Eh
You are a TRM inspiration,a quick study. Rc is doing great as well.
@asd
The scary part is SIL was her best first choice at the time. The SM looks like the pasta shelve at walmart FCOL.
I had read most of The Art of Seduction, but it bored me at times and I didn’t really resonate with any of the archetypes. It is definitely is helpful at recognizing the archetypes that use seduction games on you, e.g. wife. But by that token, I didn’t find my wife’s archetype among the types either, i.e. high self esteem, attractive, ENFP (the campaigner), free spirit, life of the party, interested in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others, charming, independent, energetic and compassionate.
Definitely well worth the read and extracting awareness as needed.
“There’s no reason to hold Rc to some contractual standard where there is none. OK…pillow talk kinda agree to a $10000 whirlwind anniversary trip. Then completely disregard it, 5 minutes later after the bang. Who gives a shit about something 2 years…2 YEARS!…ahead of time that probably would happen after the divorce. She might negotiate that into the divorce settlement. What a kick to the teeth.” It is a very common thing these days for women in the female social matrix (crab bucket) including IRL and on television shows to FEEL that destination vacations are valuable and filling. We all… Read more »
@wahoo The scary part is SIL was her best first choice at the time. Not scary. I was realistic (Red Pilled). DG was naive and insecure at the time and had virtually no experience at relationships despite being over 30. 1) waited too long because she was focused on her education/career 2) thought that being pretty was enough despite being old 3) let herself get overweight (big problem if she wants a better prospect!) 4) even with these problems, DG undervalued herself and overvalued SIL (he had traveled to a lot of foreign countries…was somewhat handsome…was a Christian…had never kissed… Read more »
ASD
I wasn’t gonna get in the way of a sperm donor since I wanted grandkids
Retarded. You and the LDS failed. and this is not RP.
Sentient, you aren’t paying attention.
“I wasn’t gonna get in the way of a sperm donor since I wanted grandkids”
You succeeded. Let the poor bastard move on.
ASD “she was in love with me even though she broke up.” Man….you’re killing me. Where’s that “Thou shall not fuck thy 19 y.o. gf” commandment again? Christianity has little to do with “not fucking”. Your version of it reads a lot to do with misplaced, guilt-driven sanctimony. It’s all over your description of your nigh-angelic daughter, too. Holy buffers! I don’t know how to say this lightly but… you’re acting rather Captain Save-A-Ho with you’re daughter…to everyone’s disadvantage. And…fyi….you’re not that much older than a lot of people here, as if that matters. That’s an emotional dodge of reality… Read more »
“For now, the couple are seeing a church counselor who is really aiming at reconciliation.” Really aiming? Is that better than aiming alone? You know ASD, ProTip…counselors don’t tell you that their not aiming at anything. It’s a sham. Telling you that isn’t good for business. They put a relationship through an algorithm process and at some point wash their hands of it all calling it success. We all know where this’ll end. ASD can claim he tried his best and after the split and raise his granddaughter (kinda) and fuck her up worse than he did his own daughter.… Read more »
Christianity has little to do with “not fucking”. Your version of it reads a lot to do with misplaced, guilt-driven sanctimony. It’s all over your description of your nigh-angelic daughter, too. Holy buffers! Yeah, that happened back when I was Red Pill. EI, sometimes you’re just fucking retarded, lol. I’m not saying that I did right. Of course I was being a Blue Pilled boy scout. I’m amazed that my gf put up with it for so long, lol. But the point is that I learned a lot about relationships from that experience and that put me way ahead of… Read more »
Really aiming? Is that better than aiming alone? You know ASD, ProTip…counselors don’t tell you that their not aiming at anything. It’s a sham. Telling you that isn’t good for business. And if the church counselor is doing it pro bono? They put a relationship through an algorithm process and at some point wash their hands of it all calling it success. We all know where this’ll end. Probably where my relationship with Mrs. Gamer ended after we initially separated many moons ago. ASD can claim he tried his best and after the split and raise his granddaughter (kinda) and… Read more »
“1) waited too long because she was focused on her education/career
2) thought that being pretty was enough despite being old
3) let herself get overweight”
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/a5/a5fb8a7073fb647903235a44958439d912bd9cb7f3d07a5169844f99fd3c30a1.jpg
lol @ letting ur daughter fall for the “career girl meme”
“I wasn’t gonna get in the way of a sperm donor since I wanted grandkids”
You succeeded. Let the poor bastard move on.
It’s not up to me. The poor bastard doesn’t want to move on. Nor does DG want to call it quits.
lol @ letting ur daughter fall for the “career girl meme”
…way before Rollo started writing…2nd wave feminism wasn’t even being questioned back then…
…this is what happens when you haven’t walked in someone else’s shoes and you try to give them advice…
…wahoo gives the best advice of anyone here for my situation…
I got no advice but I like this guys. On Children Kahlil Gibran Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them,… Read more »
Hey thank you all, great insights as usual. I’ll try to reply to various points if I have useful things to say. @palma I got the idea of chasing her from your earlier post, so thanks. I did stick the Brie on her nose. @ehintellect Don’t know what qualifies so I’ll tell you my best shot. Maybe you can tell me what you read into this. Two years into our relationship (weren’t married) I got the opportunity to move to the US – that’s a long way from where we’re from. She resigned from the first long term contract she… Read more »
ASD
the point is that I learned a lot about relationships from that experience and that put me way ahead of my SIL..
If this were true, you would’ve known that he and she were going to be a fantastic cluster fuck… Right?
“Yeah, I’m not blindly following the “Red Pill” script that troubles in a marriage are always a woman’s fault. ”
Another dodge. No one, not a soul, is taking shots at your daughter here.
@Culum
that hooking up smart article reads like a TRM RP exam question…lol
good luck!
Rc, Her following you isn’t nothing but I was getting at more rudimentary feminine behaviors that reinforced your dominance in and out of the bedroom. Alpha leadership @ home…. She defers to your decision making. She makes requests and accepts your decisions. She serves you kindly and joyfully as being married to you is a privilege. She submits to your sexual advances as she finds you sexually desirable because she wants to fuck you qua you not your bank account or your stabilizing influence. Has she ever done any of this for you in your relationship long term i.e. a… Read more »
@Rc
Thoughts on what’s going on?
you’re doing great!… and getting great advice… just keep doing what you’re doing…
good luck!
Rc,
There’s a chance she followed your rising star of BB, not necessarily your Alpha dominance.
Smart girls play long game.
“You seem to have access to magic”
Yeah. It’s called sticking to the script.
@theasdgamer How so? By giving DG a safe place to land when her husband is undermining her health and employment and he’s too much of a fool to realize it? When my SIL doesn’t value my advice? are you still kicking him in the head?… cuz THAT is less than optimal…lol… subcomms count, yo!…lol and if SIL is even half as ‘bad’ as you are portraying, even a NT would have some issues with changing direction in approaching the situ… much less a dude on the spectrum… but… you DO have enough social intelligence to actually pull that off… it… Read more »
Yep.
@ehIntellect
She probably did that the first two years we were together – but we weren’t married.
I think sex was the first thing that started to fade – because of me being beta, I see now. The first two things you lost she still does, but I see that this is not a checklist, and the spirit of things is definitely not what you describe. Anyway, up to me.
Rc,
The reason I asked is this: if she never saw you as Alpha, she probably never will.
Sounds like you were Alpha (that’s good) and slid beta quickly while dating, she accepted you as a reliable safety net.
The low sex thing…how many years has sex been unsatisfactory?
@ehintellect, things were never that good while married, so that’s about 7 years, but some of the years earlier were also pretty gray – I just came to the realization way later.
Well then. You should be well rested for a good fuck fest.
1) Keep the shit tests flying. You’ve shown skill there, leverage it for your libido.
2) Consider ghosting her for a couple evenings. She’s not allowed to know what your up to. Sentient wrote about this. There’s no faster way to throw her hamster into high gear and solicit shit tests to pass.
3) This is akin to ripping off a bandaid. The faster, the better.
@Rc
Tangential questions that key off of EhIntellect’s “did she ever see you as Alpha” question.
Two kids, right? Looking in the rearview mirror can you see any changes that happened in her behavior after they were born? Could be “after the first” or “after the second” etc.
How old was she when you first got together, how old when you married?
Rc, You’re dealing with this, FYI, at a critical time interval in your marriage. 7 years. “In the 1920s, the average length of a marriage that ended in divorce was 6.6 years. In 1974 it was 7.5 years; in 1990 it was 7.2 years. Today, the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years, according to several estimates, but that extra year may be due to the fact that the average divorce now takes one year to process and clear the legal system.” The fuckery you will experience now will save you and your wife…and your… Read more »
@Sentient If this were true, you would’ve known that he and she were going to be a fantastic cluster fuck… Right? If I had been able to see into the future, then I would have known in the past. I found out a couple of months ago. Of course, during the wedding two years ago, the groom boasted about never having kissed a girl. That’s the first time I knew that it would be a cluster fuck. Of course, the horse was out of the barn at that point and what were my options if I wanted grandkids with DG… Read more »
Rc,
An inspiration when things get hairy…..
“Today SIL played the blame game at the session, with predictable results.” Really? Pot meet kettle. This is why my undies get in such a bundle. You post comments as a Grand Chessmaster Patriarch masterfully moving your pieces around. People tell you you’re losing control of the situ. That’s creates dissonance so…..you then blame the pieces aren’t working for you and then punish the pieces by creating battles between them all the while cat’s paw’s and scapegoats abound. Your patriarchy is a complete mess but your pride is more important ATM. You know, pride? Is that limitation foreign to you?… Read more »
@anonymous reader, we’ve been together a long time, seventeen years. She was 24 when we got together. I think the situation became pretty clear right after the first kid but I remember clearly the unease of the situation before that (does that tell you anything in particular?) Using the timeline I’ve read above, I’m in for a 1-1.5 year trip. Still worth it though.
@palma (and anybody!)
How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends? The brie thing is gonna be too much, but I can’t pass that test with STFU because – it seems to me – the test is in my reaction when others are present.
@EhIntellect:
Got link for that 7 / 10 / 20 year divorce event sequence?
@AR
https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/twenty-year-guide-divorce-risk/
“How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends? It’s just another shit test thrown out there. Just deal with it in real time the best you can. You will study and be able to pass and use the shit tests to your advantage over time. Quick question. How does it make you feel Rc, that it might take 18 months to right the ship you are going to captain? Do you feel urgency? What if Sentient or EhIntellect told you to do it faster by flipping the switch and… Read more »
AR
https://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf
People tell you you’re losing control of the situ. I never ever had control of the situ. You are confused. Your patriarchy is a complete mess Well, duh. I said that I started on the one yard line…that was five years ago and DG was out of the house and I only saw her occasionally and I didn’t start gaming her until two years ago after I had figured out how to game Mrs. Gamer. DG didn’t used to listen to me back then and didn’t even want hugs. That has changed. Progress. I have another child whom Mrs. Gamer… Read more »
Rc,
Hey man….
“How would I deal with the D word”
It’s part of the reconstruction. You must kill the fear of divorcing her, the loss,the heartbreak all that shit that you value so much to gain autonomy back to the authentic, passionate, dynamic you. Perhaps a man you’ve never known.
Can you stomach this shit? Are you going wobbly with vain hypotheticals already? Well fuck me. Live the day for Christ’s sake.
You must die so you can live.
Kill the beta.
“figure out how to game him”
Figure out how to game ASD and find peace of mind for starters. No joke. Heal thyself.
@Rc How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends? Here’s my thought: She: I’m not sure if we’re headed for a divorce. Rc: No way, Honey. But I might end up a widower with a young gf if you stroke out from worrying about it, you silly girl. [smirk as you hold her gaze] This is light and will reassure her that you want to avoid divorce and will allow you to enforce your boundaries in a humorous, dominant way that demonstrates confidence and value. It’s suitable for casual… Read more »
“you want to avoid divorce”
That’s beta supplication. No joke. It’s in her frame. She’s in control.
Me?
“Fuck yeah babe! It’s been a bitch philandering with your anchor around my neck.”
@Rc You can’t be threatened by divorce,you actually need to embrace it in your mind. Not openly,rather come to accept the caveman mentality that you can have many caves full of your women and children to feed and protect and cultivate as the need arises. Whatever it takes to break your mental attachment of desperate need. Read and understand this fully. https://therationalmale.com/2017/02/03/the-reconstruction-iv/ “Thus, it is important to zero everything out and treat your old wife as a new prospective woman. This perspective may mean she becomes someone not worth your effort, but it might also mean she likes the prospect… Read more »
I agree.
ASD
” I have another child whom Mrs. Gamer drove off and recovering her will take some game. “
The plot thickens…
You have to start of being honest with yourself and hold yourself accountable.
That’s what’s missing from your story.
IDR you ever mentioning this “new” child?
Wonder why that is???
ASD
If this were true, you would’ve known that he and she were going to be a fantastic cluster fuck… Right?
If I had been able to see into the future, then I would have known in the past. I found out a couple of months ago.
Why dissemble to yourself?
My response was to your proffer of superior “relationships” experience:
ASD:“the point is that I learned a lot about relationships from that experience and that put me way ahead of my SIL.”
Which btw you spelled “relationship” wrong.
RC
How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends?
You:”Yeah… I’m guessing my next wife is thinking about the junior prom about now.”
Also if this is a real concern… you might try getting ahead of it. Great fun to introduce her to a newish group as your “first wife”…
hi all, thanks. So, feels actually weird to type it since I never thought i’d be in a position to think about it; I’m not really afraid of it. Maybe it’s because I haven’t processed it through fully, although I do have some instances in my family. As a personal trait, I have this ingrained belief that I’m always gonna do fine no matter what; I’m always enough for myself. The kid’s absence may hurt like nothing else, but I’m still gonna do fine. I’m 75% of a honey badger. That said, the reason I’m here is that I’d rather… Read more »
Rc @anonymous reader, we’ve been together a long time, seventeen years. You’ve already passed by some of the known danger points that EhIntellect listed such as 7 years”. That’s good. She was 24 when we got together. Then it is likely at that point she saw you as an Alpha. It also implies she didn’t have a lot of other men before you. Therefore you can recover the mood, the vibe, from that time with work. You are ahead of many American men who marry a 29 year old girl who will in some situations sorta kinda say that she… Read more »
@j, @EhIntellect
Thanks for the links, very useful stuff.
Rc How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends? Others have given you some good responses, but the first step is to get over the fear of divorce. It can be like skydiving, or it can be grinding out the whole Kubler-Ross sequence, depending on you. Be sure that she’s attempting to control you by inducing fear, and by using your children as hostages. This is “pushing your buttons”, like a little house dog yapping at your shoes. “Be nice to me or you will never see them again”… Read more »
@ RC Nice commentary and we got your back. “I’m playing scenarios in my head and I really didn’t know how to respond to a similar test in public.” You could try learning all possible social shit test scenarios. Then you’d be like these PUA devotees, placing her at the center of your universe, constantly thinking, overthinking, responding rather than acting, building your interactions based on her mood or possible moods ATM. You’d be not you but a characature. See how you fx yet in her frame? It’s maddening how clever we deceive ourselves. It’s a start, isn’t nothing, you… Read more »
AR,
You’re welcome.
I used to read this as much as possible in my pre TRM days:
http://nationalmarriageproject.org
Rc, do you have any Dread going for you? Do you normally flirt with other women around your wife? Do you spend several hours out at least twice a week?
@EhIntellect
Bradley Wilcox’s little operation has some useful links to stats, but he’s a blue pill Beta Bux woman-pedestalizer with the same bad advice as everyone else outside the androsphere. I used to have a link to a vid of him and his wife together speaking to college students, and it was painful to see just how clueless he is about women.
AR,
I believe your assessment about Wilcox.
IDR you ever mentioning this “new” child? Wonder why that is??? There’s something wrong with Other Daughter Gamer (ODG). Even growing up she was somewhat strange. Extremely narcissistic. She avoids/ignores everyone in the extended family. Is off the grid and living with her bf in a town called “Bumfuck.” They believe some weird shit. Doesn’t write or call home. I sent Mrs. G and DG to see her a couple of years ago and she was happy to see them, but…. Mrs. G had previously told ODG what she thought of the bf, who I thought was rather nice. He… Read more »
@Rc How would I deal with the D word being thrown out in presence of mutual and not super-close friends? The brie thing is gonna be too much, but I can’t pass that test with STFU because – it seems to me – the test is in my reaction when others are present. you’re still getting great advice… and still doing great, too… some quick points on the big D test in mixed company… the brie thing is NOT too much… it’s ‘over-the-top’/ZFG attitude makes it the perfect response… WHY would you think it is ‘too much’?… serious question… really… Read more »
@ASDGamer: have you considered that your older daughter (and actually your younger one as well) are likely on the spectrum? Even if it is sub-clinical (wouldn’t be diagnosed).
@theasdgamer @HABD SIL has a mentor from church to help him with his personal issues…this is tied in with the freebie marriage counseling. Today SIL played the blame game at the session, with predictable results. I’m sure the counselor got some insight. The counselor told SIL to get with his mentor to work on his personal issues. The counselor keeps harping on communication issues, which I see as a red herring since SIL won’t have a clue about effective marital communication. Too many cooks… this is all or nothing thinking… i wasn’t talking about you being/take the place of SIL’s… Read more »
@asd
Now just send YDG to live with ODG for a year so she can learn how to act. Who knows maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll meet a guy 5 years younger than you and your problems will be over hell he may even be a machinist.
Thanks, HABD. That’s the sort of practical advice that I can use.
@EhIntellect, See how you fx yet in her frame? It’s maddening how clever we deceive ourselves. This I didn’t expect – others will say what they think but I think it’s a great point. It is similar to something I read on Heartiste, which is “the way of passing shit tests is by not trying to pass them.” So here’s a question: what’s the purpose of “passing shit tests”? Is it exclusively about proving to ourselves that we really are in control? Is it about showing them that we get it and they made the right choice? I did plan… Read more »
@Rc: the fork move was good, not bad, and that you are pondering about leads me to repeat HABD’s question. Why would you think it was too much? Really feel that FI hand on your shoulder (again). I recall someone else asked a very similar scenario to HABD not that long ago – similar “in public setting” and “embarrassing” the wife (as I recall the guy made some kind of RP type statements in someone else’s house and the wife shite tested him on him on the ride back). What you need to understand is that you being RP in… Read more »
short answer is no. Longer answer is for professional reasons I’m constantly in touch with women sligthly older than peak SMV, but that’s not an environment where I can flirt; it is an enviromnment that Mrs. Rc is well aware of, and she did make a couple of points in that regard. Too weak of a threat. In any case I’m following the 12 step plan on dread, we’ll see where that leads. Rc, even college professors can flirt with their students. Of course, it has to be done subtly, using double entendres and deniable innuendos and teasing…lightly, of course,… Read more »
RC So here’s a question: what’s the purpose of “passing shit tests”?[1] Is it exclusively about proving to ourselves that we really are in control?[2] Is it about showing them that we get it and they made the right choice?[3] You will do well to run these questions back through the evo-bio/psych filter. The great thing about inter-sexual dynamics (and game that derives from it) is that there is a biological and evolutionary foundation that can’t be escaped. Simply put, if something is not fitting into that context… toss it out. And everything that does fit, keep doing. So back… Read more »
RC –
So the next question is…. Say it with me gang!
Have you read Mystery Method?
https://conquistaperfeita.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/The-Mystery-Method-How-to-Get-Beautiful-Women-Into-Bed.pdf
This will help you learn to speak Cat-o-nese.
@Rc Getting out. The aim is to separate from your wife and not be in her Frame and Mentally fused with her. Your goal is to separate from her and go on an adventure, and then come back to be with her and play with her in a healthy fashion. Separate, come together, rinse and repeat. Excellent choice for getting a hobby and getting out and away: Sporting Clays. For a number of reasons. It’s out in Mother Nature, trees and hills and stuff. It’s out with guys. You can meet people and go for beers or drinks after and… Read more »
The last 4 points are pretty damn good stuff for men to grasp whether they are in a ” relationship ” or not. Yup, passion can wane like a motherfucker over time and this is where many marriages take a sexual turn for the worst. The bedroom is on life support initially, then it dies a slow and painful death. And it’s totally avoidable ( if you’ve vetted her well and she’s not a low libido clunker of sorts….They exist. Duty sex and all ). If you’ve lost passion because ” fucking same pussy “, you were never meant for… Read more »
Rc, Others are better at process and what to say, how to say it, and such. Let’s try something else. Math is hard so bear with me. Ahem. Draw an x and y axis. Label the x axis “DPA Rc” or “Masterful Rc”. Meter and mark the axis at 0-80-100%. Label the Y axis “Return on Investment.” Mark the axis at 0-100%. Draw a shallow horizontally rising slope from 0,0 % to 80,20%. Continue with a rapidly rising slope from 80,20% to 100,100% Consider that most human endeavor functions under this premise. Process, compliance, PUA stacks, knowledge, methodology all lie… Read more »
@Blax if you’ve vetted her well and she’s not a low libido clunker of sorts -100 Women’s libido (including butch lesbos) depends on the presence of a man demonstrating high value. I see women giving men who are demonstrating high value IOIs a lot when I’m out, including post-menopausal women. Their hormones are typically lower than mensing women. There may be some brain-damaged tiny percentage of women who are asexual, but they are so easily seen that it’s not worth discussing them. If you get sexual with a woman who is inexperienced, then you will have to train her to… Read more »
@SJF, Thanks for that Rian video link. I’ve seen bit and pieces of him, but seeing that whole video let me know he’s legit.
@Rc, lol! You’re doing great. Keep smashing those shit tests.
Have you seen the movie Swingers? If not, watch it. Pretend you are the character Mike in this clip and your wife is the character Michelle. If you’re doing your own thing and getting attraction from other women, you won’t give two shits about your wife’s shit tests.
Palma,
Would you like some Dijon on that?