Idealizations – Page 5

January 25, 2017

The Reconstruction III

I added this video today to illustrate a point, watch it carefully and with a Red Pill Lens. In this post-sexual revolution 2017 there is a strong want for the fulfillment of what I call the Old Books socio-sexual model goals. I’ll be impressed if you can stomach even half of the boilerplate ‘Man Up’ message in this video, but watch it carefully because it illustrates the dichotomy of a social order that’s been founded on feminine-primacy for over six decades now.

On a side note, I think it should be recognized that even ostensibly conservative thought leaders often toe the line for the Feminine Imperative more effectively than the progressives they attempt to disparage. I’m not going to riff on this video as I think most of my readers will understand the subtext being communicated here, but it’s an interesting exposé of the old books expectation of “doing the right thing”. Granted, it’s the same message of shaming men for exactly what I covered in Are You Experienced? Only this time the shame for men comes from another man (we’re supposed to respect?) while he attempts to sell the same message that Sheryl Sandberg does in Open Hypergamy,… Be like Ward Cleaver (he’s a stud) and in time, nothing’s sexier.

When we consider that western cultures have consolidated on feminine social primacy, and a women’s-needs-first way of interpreting any social dynamic, things get a bit easier when you distill the intent down from a social scale to a personal scale. What’s being related in this video is the desire to socially, culturally, change the definition of what should be considered “sexy” by women in spite of all evolved arousal and attraction cues they’re subject to. The presumption this is based upon is that attraction is a social construct and therefor something that can be changed.

If a man does everything by the book, if he does everything right, if he accepts the responsibilities feminine-primacy expects of him, he can be considered an adult, and he can assume his chances of being considered ‘sexy’ by women and certainly his own wife. In so accepting this definition of his burden of performance women will appreciate the equity he accrues in the relationship by investing himself in it.

From a Red Pill perspective we see this for what it is, the old books social contract that is still being sold to a generation of men who increasingly are seeing it for the life-changing lie it is. However, I’ll have you note the final summation of the video where men are encouraged to see adulthood as getting married, becoming a father and working hard to buy a home. I could argue that there are no June Cleavers left in the world or that getting married is a high-risk, low yield gamble. I could argue that becoming a father only makes a man fall in line with the ridiculous or hated caricature popular culture has made of them. I won’t even start on the risks of the housing market.

For all of this, the desire is still a return to a social contract wherein men are conditioned to believe that they will be rewarded for doing everything right. That old school notion has become the Beta bait of the past 3 generations.

As I mentioned in the last installment of this series, most men who are ‘awakened while married’ want to apply their Red Pill awareness in such a way that they might achieve this idyllic state that the guy in this video assures us is possible if we’d all just Man Up. Most married Red Pill (MRP) men are looking to save their marriages. They see it as a key to getting a woman to appreciate his investment in her, in their kids, in his marriage, his dedication to ‘doing everything the right way’,

Much in the same way that single Red Pill guys will (initially) focus on Red Pill awareness and Game in order to eventually connect with their Dream Girls, so too does the MRP guy. The difference being that he’s convinced he’s already married to his dream girl and the only thing between him and that ideal life with her is finding the formula to achieve the life-plan this video elaborates.

As I said before, most married men’s first intent when they unplug isn’t to divorce their wives, hit the clubs and spin plates. His first thought is “how do I get her to come around to appreciating me?” or “How do I get back to the kind of sex we had (or I think we could)?” I think it’s important for men, both Red Pill singles and MRP to disabuse themselves of the Blue Pill goals they think might ever be achievable with Red Pill awareness. I say this because it put that awareness into the perception of it being a cure to their problems. While it may seem noble to a newly unplugged guy to want to use his new superpower of Red Pill awareness for good (not for evil) and valiantly use it to do the right thing for his wife, his desire to do so is still founded in a Blue Pill conditioning that’s taught him he’ll be appreciated for it.

It may be that his new Alpha impression on his wife isn’t something she will ever recognize or accept as ‘the real him’. And while this frustration plays out in his marriage, he also sees the positive responses from women outside his marriage – women unfamiliar with his Beta past – who readily respond to the Game he applies. That new positive reinforcement with outside women contends with his wife’s negative reinforcement inside his marriage.

The following quote was part of a comment from ollieoxenfree in last week’s thread:

Who sees you as a viable long term option and is eager to please (in fact has pleased on many occasions) but is aware you may never reciprocate in kind. Will he waste his best years coveting something he may never have? Wouldn’t it be better to entertain a slightly lesser, suitor and be their top priority?

If a wife can no longer give of herself, does she still see fit to demand the level of investment as when she did? Can a man still appreciate the tacit approval his wife offers him, in not questioning his whereabouts when he’s engaged in an extramarital affair. Does she show affection and support in other ways?
The truth is most women under the influence of the Feminine Imperative don’t support their partners, nor cultivate an understanding with them in regards to the limits of their sexual capacity.

Men, for their part, like to think sexual intercourse with their partners, will always be available, given time and circumstance. The reality is, it isn’t.
Our biologies weren’t meant to tolerate these conditions. Especially with a woman who will constantly shit test you and emasculate you, in every conceivable way she can divine.

A woman will invariably condemn you for your weakness, but expect understanding for hers.

Common Experiences

There is a school of thought about being Red Pill and married that believes that getting a wife (or LTR girlfriend) to accept the ‘new you’ as being impossible. Things may nominally improve due to Dread working, but your new Red Pill marriage will never be what you want it to be because you have improved, she hasn’t and she never wanted you this way in the first place.

I don’t accept this assessment in its entirety, however I do see where this sentiment comes from. Most men who are awakened while married are men who followed the same script as the men I illustrate in Betas in Waiting. These are the men who have ‘done everything right’ for the better part of their lives. They cultivated themselves to be the perfect providers that Sheryl Sandberg would have women believe will be waiting for them when their looks begin to fade and it’s time to cash out of the SMP. These are the men who believe their hard work and perseverance is finally paying off with a women who now find him irresistible because he represents their salvation in long term security and parental investment.

Most women entering their Epiphany Phase are expressly looking for a Beta to take care of them now that the Party Years are coming to an end for her. They’re (ostensibly) done with the Bad Boys (something they had to ‘grow out of’) and now want to do things ‘the right way’. This, of course, suits a Beta in Waiting just fine because his Blue Pill conditioning has prepared him by expecting him to ‘do things the right way’ and to believe any woman wanting to do the same must be a Quality Woman.

These men believe their ship has finally come in, but because of this these men are often the most difficult to unplug. They have the hardest time with Red Pill awareness because in accepting it they must also accept that what led up to their marriage to that Quality Woman was also a result of their Blue Pill conditioning. A lot of their ego is invested in Beta Game and Blue Pill convictions, but also a forced-convincing of themselves that they did everything right and were rewarded for it.

This is why it’s a bitter pill to swallow when that guy’s wife drip-feeds him sex, or he discovers her sexual best was reserved for another man in her past, or she tells him she loves him, but she’s not in love with him. Even in the face of outright disrespect or his Beta confirmations of failed shit tests, he’ll still refuse to acknowledge his state. Often it’s only prolonged sexlessness (and even this is rationalized for a long time) that motivates him to seek the answers of Red Pill awareness.

The Beta in Waiting never had Frame before or during his marriage. In fact, it was just that lack of Frame that made him marriage material for his wife. He was never “Alpha” for her, and in his equalist mindset he believed this was what set him apart and attractive then.

So going from this very strong Beta initial impression to an Alpha position of dominance can be all but impossible – particularly if his self-confirmed status was that of being a proud Beta.

There are other men who’ll report having had an Alpha status prior to their marriage, but they lost it somewhere along the way. They were the Alpha backsliders who possibly entered into the marriage with a dominant Frame, but this dissolved as his wife’s Frame or insecurities about him came to dominate their relationship. I think this is likely the scenario that provides the most believability when a man becomes awakened while married, because it is a return to a prior impression (or one his wife had hoped he’d find) and therefor more believable when he does.

The ‘tamed’ Alphas are also the guys with wives who’ll try to actively minimize his Red Pill transformation. Their wives are simultaneously aroused by this rekindling of his Alpha dominance and fearful that he will come to see her as the failed investment she likely is for him. That may or may not be the actual case for him, but for her it will prompt possessiveness, surveillance and a control over how he’s allowed to ‘appropriately’ express this dominance – which in turn disqualifies it.

In the last installment of this series I will outline some ways in which a Red Pill man might go about internalizing this transformation, how that might manifest itself in an authentic way, and also the pitfalls to be aware of that can stifle it.

January 10, 2017

The Reconstruction I

One of the most common misperceptions for guys coming into a Red Pill awareness experience is an expectation of being able to use that awareness and Game to reconstruct an old relationship. Most often this hope is about a guy wanting to ‘fix’ his broken relationship with a girl who dumped him. This is easily the most common reason Blue Pill guys make themselves open to what the Red Pill has to reveal to him. They are desperate, not for the intergender truths that the Red Pill presents, but rather for a solution to their hearts being crushed by a girl.

This is understandable when you consider that these men are still very steeped in Blue Pill idealism they’ve yet to unlearn (or understand why they need to unlearn it) and haven’t made the connection that their idealism is part of the reason why they likely were dumped. All they feel is a desperate longing to reconnect to a girl who was their ‘One’, and only now they are desperate enough to seek answers from the Red Pill.

It’s funny how some of the most ardent Red Pill deniers will be open to listening to its truths about men and women if it presents the possibility of them getting back with a former lover they invested themselves in. This is a good illustration of the degree of control Blue Pill idealism has over guys; that they would be open to amending their beliefs if it means reconnecting to those feelings he’s been cut away from.

Unfortunately, the Red Pill is not a salve for Blue Pill disillusionment. It’s a cure, not a bandaid. I tried to succinctly address this in the 7th Iron Rule of Tomassi:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Another Red Pill reconstruction attempt is men who make it their goal to ‘re-seduce’ a woman they failed to effectively Game while still wrapped up in their Blue Pill mindset. The first presumption is that revenge might motivate a guy to want to pump and dump a girl who once blew him out back when he was locked into his Blue Pill mentality. Women like this idea because they think it confirms men’s egos being easily bruised, but I don’t think this is always the case.

It’s entirely possible that some past coquette has taken an organic liking to “the new him” now that his Red Pill transition and better grasp of Game has made him attractive to her. I’ve had several guys relate to me about how they have turned a former ONEitis into a plate they were spinning along with others. The experience of doing so will often solidify Red Pill/Game principles for him – the act of cycling an old ‘soul mate’ into a guy’s roster of non-exclusive lovers is a lesson in taking women of a formerly idealistic pedestal and helps humanize women for him in the process.

I should also add that there’s usually a period of time necessary to effect this. Too many men will see Red Pill awareness and just the loosest form of Game as some magic formula for pulling this off too soon. A sudden incongruent shift in his demeanor only puts her off more and leaves him discouraged.

Doing Everything Right

The third type of reconstructionist is the married man – or the guy in a multi-year LTR – seeking to find the secret to remedy his dead bedroom. There was a time (pre-internet, pre-Red Pill) when these men were reluctant to even voice the problem they were having with their sexually indifferent wives. Generally, this was due to a couple of specific fears.

The first is that most Blue Pill men are conditioned from a very early age to always find fault in themselves before they would ever imply that it would be a woman’s. This was especially true if it was about sex. If you can’t satisfy a woman, it’s your fault. If a woman isn’t aroused or attracted by you, it’s your fault, so the presumption used to be that a man could only better himself as a means to reestablish an attraction that (presumably) he had with his wife before they were married.

Back in the day this ‘improvement’ could be defined in various old books ways. He might get a promotion at work, a shift up in status and pay. He might lose weight or find some form of competition he might possibly do well in. He might change his beliefs or accede to better identifying with his wife, or do more chores around the home, help with the kids, arrange more ‘date nights’. He might go to marriage counseling or participate in his church’s “men’s spiritual retreats” in order to show that he’s growing.

All of these ways of “rekindling the old flame” are essentially a man’s effort in acquiescing to his woman’s Frame while keeping him in a perpetual state of negotiating for her genuine desire. From a Red Pill perspective we understand this, but there was a time, not so long ago, when men’s preoccupation was all about doing everything right in order to get his wife to fuck him like she used to, or with something resembling genuine enthusiasm.

The second fear men of that time had was admitting to their inability to satisfy their wife (LTR) sexually. Again, this was all about a female-dominant Frame, and his qualifying for her pleasure, but we’re talking about a time when men’s interpretation of their own masculinity was always being questioned. It’s interesting to see how times have changed with communication technology. I can remember a time when it would’ve been taboo to be too direct about sex in church. Now it’s unavoidable and we have pastors encouraging sex quota months in order to spur the asexual wives in the congregation.

In a Blue Pill social order, men learn to always qualify for women. So the natural, male-deductive response has always been to do everything right in order to keep the sex faucet flowing. Sacrifice dreams, belay ambitions, get the right job with the right status and become a person who a woman would want to bang. These are all old book presumptions based on the Beta Female-Identifying Provider archetype, but it’s important to keep this in mind today because this same do everything right presumption still persists for men today.

The following is a post from the Married Red Pill Reddit I saved about four months ago.

Story time….

I originally posted most of this in a reply over at ASKMRP but I thought I’d share here too.

You can read my post history to get all the gory details but I moved out a few months ago in exasperation after following my MRP path to a T and seeing little to no improvement in our relationship. I’ve “fixed” myself in ways I never thought I could and moving out was me punting the final decision for a bit before I blow my beautiful children’s life to pieces.

Things are calm, peaceful, friendly and kinda fun at “home” but the sexual dynamic hasn’t changed at all despite all odds. I’ve finally reached the point that I give 0 fucks either way and every day that goes by makes me a bit more ambivalent to the whole deal.

It’s taken a long time to get here but something happened last week that opened my eyes to how shitty my life has been for a looooong time and how at this point she is the only “problem” left in my life and I can’t “fix” her.

The quick back story is that I was a fat, beta fuck for a long time and have been on this journey for about 2 years. I am fairly ripped now and have “fixed” myself to the point that I feel comfortable saying I’m a top 5-10% guy in my metro. Good looking, successful business(Doubled my sales in the last 12mos! Thanks MRP!), dress well…etc.

Last week I initiated with the wife while I was over at our house helping get the kids to bed. She shot me down like she has been for months. We still fuck here and there but the quality has been shitty for a while despite implementing as much SGM as I can.

I laughed, told her goodnight and went back to my house. I actually prefer being there now. I’ve come to love the solitude too as the loneliness and missing the kids has worn off a little.

I worked out and read for a while and got bored so I decided to download Bumble and Tinder to get a no risk gauge of where I’m at if I end up nexting her. I’ve been getting plenty of IOI’s in public but I live in a small town so pursuing them would eventually lead to big problems. I also downloaded a GPS location faker and put myself in a state far, far away to make sure I don’t get doxxed by one of her shitty, single friends…

Gentlemen…It’s been 4 days and I currently have over 60 unsolicited messages from all kinds of women. My inbox is full of unsolicited tittie and pussy shots from women waayyy hotter than my wife. I’ve got 5 women literally begging me to come fuck them and another 5 or so I’m confident I could fuck within a week if I wanted.

It’s a good thing I put myself so far away or the temptation would probably be way too much to handle. I deleted the apps this morning as I’m not ready to blow everything up yet and I want to give the marriage every last chance for my kids sake. I know myself well enough to know that once I taste some strange there will no turning back. The constant buzzing of the burner phone was also killing my productivity.

The end result is that this whole experiment has killed off any last shred of oneitis I had and opened my eyes to what my life will look like going forward if this goes the way it’s heading. My wife is a good woman and is fairly hot but it appears that she may not be able to see past all those years of beta shittiness from me and that’s ok.

I didn’t tell you my story to brag but to re-affirm that only you can change and determine the quality of your life. I can tell you that 2 years ago I was a mess trying to hang on to the shreds of my marriage while my wife was pretty much repulsed by me. My wife will or will not change into the sexy woman I want over the next few months but now I really don’t care because I have PAINFULLY built myself into a man that the world will treat very well either way.

Salvation lies within, motherfuckers! Get to work, be consistent, and reap the rewards!

Today the hope for bettering a man’s sexual prospects in marriage is found primarily in Red Pill awareness. I would daresay that the Red Pill, Game and the manosphere have done more in improving men’s sexual access in marriage than contemporary marriage counseling for about 10 years now. That’s to be lauded I think, but it also has to come with the understanding that no man’s experience, no man’s situation with his wife/woman, is ever the same, nor is it ideal.

There is a set of Red Pill men (usually married) who also attempt to do everything right – according to Red Pill awareness and applied Game – and, as per this man’s story, the situation is such that it is still ‘not enough’.

These men become Red Pill aware, they unplug, they struggle to accept it while disenfranchising themselves from their Blue Pill conditioning. They put in the time for insight and soul-searching, they deal with the uncomfortable truths of what they’ve been all their lives. They deal with the anger that inspires and they come out on the other side and begin to remake themselves. They self-improve.

Roosh recently had some Dali Lama moment about how he believes self-improvement is some Zen preset channel for men, and they ought not worry about bettering themselves. I say bullshit. Self-improvement itself is a state of being. Once a man applies himself, invests more in himself than he ever has before, changes his mind about himself, he becomes hisown mental point of origin.

These men begin to see the results of their efforts, efforts often unbeknownst to his woman. She may witness the outward changes, but only he know the experience of his inward changes. Now he’s got to deal with new experiences that were previously foreign to him in his old, Blue Pill self-identity. Some are uncomfortable and require him to use judgement he’s never had to before. Others are temptations or opportunities he’s never had access to before.

All of what’s led to this transition required a lot of personal investment on his part, and by his Red Pill awareness he’s done everything right. This transformative experience becomes a kind of Relational Equity for him; equity he believes his wife, his ex, the old high school girl who ignored him, should have some appreciation for. Just like the old books men who believed that building themselves up in their careers or getting more in touch with their feminine sides would be the key to doing everything right, the Red Pill aware guy finds that it’s not him, it’s her.

This is part one of this series.

December 28, 2016January 2, 2017

Disassembling ONEitis

pedestal-woman-color-final3

Just a personal note here; at the end of November I accepted a very lucrative promo contract for a large entertainment/gaming corporation. It should last me a while and keep me busy in several states this coming year. As if that weren’t enough, I also accepted a principal creative offer to add an additional brand to my portfolio (craft beer/ale) as of last week. Needless to say this will keep me busy throughout 2017.

Unfortunately, I had to cut short my sabbatical I was using to work on the third installment of The Rational Male. Progress is still moving apace, but I’ve moved my publishing date out to March of next year to give me time to settle into my new projects. I wont be taking any time away from the blog, but one benefit of my new gig is that it’s put me in such a position that I’ve been able to begin making the rounds again on my old forums (SoSuave) as well as the Red Pill sub on Reddit and a few others.

It was on the TRP subredd that I came across this post from The_Bitter_Truth. It gels pretty well with what I’ve been developing over last week so I thought I’d riff on it for a bit.

Recently I met my perfect 10. I was mesmerized by her beauty – I actually froze up in front of her during the middle of our first conversation (not typical of me). I am currently, and was at the time when we met, spinning plates (including my ONEitis), but for some reason I idolized this girl. Somewhere inside of me decided I had to have this girl. I wanted her more than anything. I fooled myself into thinking she was different, and I put her on a pedestal.

The ‘special little snowflake’ concept is a very old Red Pill cliché, but sometimes it’s worth returning to why these came about. One thing Blue Pill conditioning does for boys who will later become men is that, by default, it puts the feminine as the highest priority men need to have for their lives. One reason I stress men becoming their own mental point of origin is because they are taught from a very early age to replace their own imperatives as their first thought with those of women; in other words to pedestalize the feminine. They are conditioned to seek feminine approval, and in so doing, the reward that this approval represents becomes the gender-correct context through which boys and Blue Pill men are taught to filter their social interactions through.

Because the feminine is the ‘correct’ context in which men are raised, the natural, deductive, response with regard to intimacy is to place girls and women on the proverbial pedestal. I mentioned this dynamic a couple of posts ago, but the pedestal Blue Pill men refer to is a personal part of a much larger social pedestal upon which men are taught to put women on socially. The larger whole of Blue Pill conditioned society will later blame this pedestalization on individual men – being told their insecurities are due to their own deficits, a lack of confidence or a belief in themselves – when in fact they were raised and conditioned by a feminine-primary social order to default to this pedestalization. This default deference to pedestalizing women may indeed be something men must overcome in the long term scope of their lives, but make no mistake, it starts from a feminine-centric, feminine-correct upbringing.

Even for guys employing Game and dating non-exclusively, there at some point comes a ‘special’ One girl that embodies a deeply held Blue Pill idealism about the ‘perfect girl’ for him. Usually this girl meets the criteria for what he considers his ‘Genetic Celebrity‘, but as men mature they tend to modify this ideal based on what their conditioning has taught them qualifies as a ‘Quality Woman‘.

This occurrence is always a test for men who are Red Pill aware. Men’s own innate idealism is focused on outward possibilities; the hope for what can be. The problem is that this male idealism has always been a useful thumbscrew in conditioning men to accept a necessary deference to women, and this comes at a price.

Two Sides of ONEitis

One of two things generally happen for the Blue Pill guy who gets his wish and achieves intimacy with his ONEitis girl. He either defaults to supplication with her, or his ONEitis idealization of her is dispelled, and she and womankind are brought back down to earth to mingle with the mere mortals. It’s important to really understand what ONEitis really is; an unhealthy attachment to an idealization. A lot of guys make the mistake of believing that if they’re “really in love” with their ONEitis everything is OK, but the fact is that guys wrapped up in ONEitis are committed to the belief in their idealized Dream Girl.

On the third date with my ONEitis we made dinner at my place, we watched a movie together, and we fucked for the first time. For the first time in a long time I was actually anxious (maybe even excited?) about having sex, as I had been idolizing and fantasizing over this girl for some time. Even though I was anxious I didn’t spill my beans and kept my cool, and gave her a fuck she’ll be hard pressed to forget – but I realized something when I was balls deep inside her: The sex isn’t that great and neither is she. At this point she’s no different than any other girl I’ve put into my bed who’s spread her legs for me. After I dumped my load inside her my head started to clear a little and I could see that this girl I had been worshiping isn’t any better than me, and I’m not a better person for fucking her. It doesn’t make me a better friend, Man, or XYZ because I put my dick in some girl I was fantasizing over.

In addition I started to notice her imperfections, a birth mark, nervous ticks, less than perfect qualities. In my mind I had painted her out to be this perfect angel – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. She was so attractive to me because she seemed out of reach, but now that I’ve had a taste I know it’s nothing special.

This is a good example of having the ONEitis ideal disillusioned for a guy. When PUA gurus tell you to think of a hot girl like she’s just another girl that mental state comes from replicating this disillusionment. Roissy had an excellent maxim in The 16 Commandments of Poon about this:

X. Ignore her beauty

The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire.…

Roissy even goes on to suggest guys stop using terms like ‘hot’ or ‘cute’ when referring to women (as well as to avoid complimenting women on their looks if you’re not sleeping with her) in order to put your head out of the conditioning that led to your idealization of what will become a ONEitis woman. Again, the idea is to come to the disillusionment state Bitter Truth is outlining here before you make an approach and before you move into any possibility of becoming monogamous with a girl who’s representative of an idealization.

Another way I was misleading myself is that I was using my ONEitis for validation – “If I can fuck this 10 then obviously I’m the perfect chad that I’ve always wanted to become.” I was looking for acceptance through someone else’s eyes, but when I finally got it – it didn’t change who I was as a person. Having a beautiful, young girl on your dick or around your finger may win the admiration of needy guys and make other girls jealous – but it doesn’t make you a better person.

I’ve covered the idea of men using sex for validation before, so I wont belabor it now. However, I will add that it is part of Blue Pill conditioning’s goal that men internalize the idea that their sexual imperative is inherently bad and, by a feminine-primary context, incorrect. Part of making men believe this is inculcating the idea that men seek to build their egos and their status up by having sex in popular culture. Part of this comes from the goal-centered nature of men being the sexual performers for women’s acceptance – further reinforced in a fem-centric social order – but beyond this, the sex-for-affirmation narrative is meant to diminish the legitimacy of men’s sexual strategies in favor of women’s socially correct sexual strategy (Hypergamy).

I hear and read even well-meaning Red Pill men who still promote this idea while tossing out “atta girls” for women aping men’s sexual imperatives themselves. The giveaway here is in Bitter Truth’s referring to his not ‘feeling like a better person’ for having banged his Dream Girl. His anticipation was that he would ‘be a better person’ for having been approved for, and consolidating on, sex with his ONEitis. Again, this comes back to the disillusionment I mention above, but it’s also the result of his being conditioned to believe that ‘all men have sex to build their egos, their status, and feel good about themselves’.

Feminine-primary society seeks to diminish men’s sexual agency, and the primary way of doing this is to turn it into a pathology. We see this all the time with regards to how feminism and the Feminine Imperative obfuscate and redefine conventional masculinity to fit its convenience. But with regards to men’s sexual imperatives, their strategy must be made a sickness or an ego flaw when they pursue it.

I’ve read a few posts on TRP about ONEitis. They’re usually written about the girl we can’t have, or the girl that’s out of reach. So maybe this can give a bit of a different perspective on the topic. Sometimes when things seem just out of reach we want them more because we can’t have them. Sometimes if we never see what she’s like up close, we’ll never be able to see through our ONEitis tinted lenses we’re viewing her with. She is just another girl. She’s not perfect, I just refused to see her as she really is. The only thing special about her is her looks – and she really doesn’t bring anything into my life except another hole to fill. The morning after her phone was blown up with messages from beta orbiters telling her good morning and asking her how her night was (great thanks to me, and thanks for asking). These guys were idolizing her the same way I was by putting this girl on a pedestal and refusing to see her as an equal (or less). They’re wasting their time. They don’t really know this girl, they just want the fantasy figure they’ve painted inside their minds.

This is a good observation, but the thing is that this ‘celebrity’ Dream Girl isn’t something they’ve painted in their heads of their own volition. Women’s Beta Orbiters are a persistent fact over generations now because it’s what they’ve been bred and raised to be. To be sure, most willingly create their own idealizations, but the seed is already there for them to water.

There’s an interesting paradox about this disillusionment. On one hand there is a certain emotional satisfaction that comes from believing in that Dream Girl ideal. It’s what inspires men to achievement, self-improvement and many great creative endeavors. But the idealization can become a trap. It becomes a comfort to believe in that Blue Pill Disney-wishes-can-come-true fantasy, and that fantasy transforms into a sweet vindication when a Blue Pill guy finally gets his Dream Girl. At that point his investment in that ideal girl is just as important as his capacity to sustain that relationship in a Blue Pill context.

These are the guys who get gobsmacked when their Dream Girl leaves them once they’ve determined that he’s not the Alpha dominant guy he’s sold himself as. Now, not only is he dealing with losing “the best girl he’s ever gotten”, he’s also confronting the truth that his Blue Pill conditioning and the ideals it’s bred into him have been false and a source of his own self-deception. Losing that ONEitis girl is compounded by his losing faith in his Blue Pill world.

So if you have a ONEitis you’re fantasizing over right now, take a quick moment and consider that she’s just a normal girl with above average looks (or just really good at putting on makeup). She has flaws and imperfections – you just haven’t known her long enough for them to come out, or you’re refusing to see them. Literally the only reason I wanted this girl was because of something that was completely irrelevant to who she is as a person – good genetics. She has flaws and insecurities just like any other girl. She’s not perfect and makes dumb choices. She’s just looking for her Chad – just like every other girl. “We see the world (girl), not as it (she) is, but as we are.”

Edit: I would like to stress the importance of spinning plates and having options. It has helped me greatly. Not only for the abundance mentality, but being able to compare her to my other plates has helped me put things into perspective – but having plates didn’t prevent me from developing ONEitis in this circumstance.

I did a fun post a while back called Show and Tell where I compared the pictures of made up and non-made up porn stars to illustrate the fantasy image men hold with the real-life ‘smell her farts’ reality of women. Most Blue Pill men will tell you that their idealizations are about the girl underneath all the make up. This is the idealization they are taught to believe is acceptable for women because it absolves women of having to qualify in any way for men’s sexually strategic approval. Holding standards for a woman’s looks, her weight or how she presents herself will always be conflated with sexual objectification of women. But when a Blue Pill guy finds his Unicorn she almost always qualifies for that status because of “who she really is”.

While it’s all well and good to keep a realistic perspective of a woman’s presentation, part of Blue Pill conditioning is promoting the idea that the women men ought to pedestalize should base that idealization on intrinsic rather than extrinsic factors. You will find that some of the most pathetic guys with ONEitis will often pine over some of the least physically attractive women. I’ve stood in wonderment over the weeping and gnashing of teeth Blue Pill guys will display over women whom they exceed in SMV by as much as 2 points.

That’s the ‘real’ ONEitis; when a guy who you know could easily do leagues better than his ONEitis girlfriend in the SMP is bawling over her, head in hands, because she’s his ‘One’. Looking at this from the outside we think ‘what the fuck man?’ and try to deductively reason with him about how much better he can do, but what we don’t wrap our heads around is that this guy was conditioned since his earliest years to believe that his ‘snowflake’ is unique in her intrinsic qualities.

Yes, there are guys who blow themselves up over HB 9s that they fantasize over obsessively, but for the vast majority of men (that is to say the Beta 80% of them) this fantasy remains just that, a fantasy. In fact, according to the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts most men reserve their sexual fantasies, and consciously limit their extent, for sexual encounters with women whom they believe are ‘attainable’ to them. This is one explanation for the rise in the popularity of amateur porn, but also, it’s because most men want to fantasize over what they believe might be possible for them to actualize.

I would argue that for most guys with ONEitis this comes as a result of their comparing what they believe their SMV is with the grossly over-inflated SMV value most average women apply to themselves. On average, and with the aid of connectivity and social media, most women presume their SMV value is greatly above that of men. This perception them filters down to the average guy and now you can understand why guys believe that their much lower SMV girlfriends are “the best girl they’ll ever get.”

December 19, 2016

The Awareness

I feel I should begin here with a bit of a disclaimer. I don’t think any of my regular readers would ever presume this blog’s intent was anything but to help men unplug from their Blue Pill conditioning. With that unplugging comes a drive for self-improvement once a formerly Blue Pill guy has his moment of clarity and begins to see the influences that have shaped his life and his beliefs up to that stage. Along with this awareness comes a measure of anger, but mostly this is due to having long held ego-investments revealed for what they are – internalized beliefs that were developed as a result of Blue Pill social conditioning. I’ve covered this anger phase in Anger Management, The Five Stages of Unplugging, The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill and The Dangers of the Red Pill.

My purpose in writing what I do for as long as I have has always been to benefit other men, to hopefully unplug the guys who are on their last nerve, but have a desire to really understand the whats and the whys that have led them to the point in their lives where they are ready to dissolve the barriers that have prevented them from becoming Red Pill aware. It’s an unfortunate fact that our disillusionment from our Blue Pill investments is often spurred by a really bad trauma. The anger that follows is usually the result of self-regret more than directed at women as a source of it. When a guy who’s based his existence on Blue Pill idealism has it destroyed after having had it shape who he is for so long, the anger he feels usually comes from not having become aware of it sooner. That anger is directed inward or at the social order that’s held him in that idealistic delusion for so long. The frustration comes from wasting ones years invested in something that now seems so obviously false. That isn’t to say that some men wont carry this resentment over into a fully realized misogyny, it’s just to say that it begins from the regret of having lived what’s now an obvious lie for so long.

A popular misconception about the Red Pill – the popularized notion of it, not the actual praxeology – is that it makes men misogynists or it’s inherently negative, or it’s function is ‘truthful anger’. I am reminded of the explanation of the 32nd Law of Power:

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes from disenchantment.

That disenchantment is really what’s at root here for those who would paint the Red Pill with the brush of anger, negativity or hate directed at women in general. There are certain elements within the manosphere and Purple Pill commercial interests that would like to turn a profit from this mischaracterization. They would sell a ‘cure’ for it with sunshine rhetoric and reheated narratives of the power of positive thinking that has been a secular religion for generations now.

Praxeology

The Red Pill, from the respect that I interpret it, is a praxeology. Simply put, it s the deductive study of human action, based on the notion that humans engage in purposeful behavior, as opposed to reflexive behavior like sneezing and inanimate behavior. With the action axiom as the starting point, it is possible to draw conclusions about human behavior that are both objective and universal. For example, the notion that humans engage in acts of choice implies that they have preferences, and this must be true for anyone who exhibits intentional behavior.

This is primarily why I continue to use the phrase ‘Red Pill awareness’ in what I write. Once a man truly unplugs and reorders his life according to what it presents to him, this developed awareness extends to many other aspects of his life than just his intersexual relations. This awareness makes men sensitive to others around him who, like he was, are caught in the same Blue Pill conditioned way of interpreting his personal and social existence. With a Red Pill Lens he begins to see the sales pitches, the ego-investment defenses, and the predictable responses of men and women whose lives have been colored by a feminine-primary social conditioning that has defined their lives for so long they are unaware of it, but would cease to exist without it.

Once a man comes into this awareness, once he sees the code in the Matrix, once he realizes how all-encompassing it is, the old him literally ceases to exist. He may well be the same man with the same personality, the same gifts and the same disposition, but his Red Pill awareness makes living in his old paradigm an impossibility. On some level of consciousness, no matter the cognitive dissonance, he knows the Blue Pill world, the world pulled over his eyes, is a lie. Sometimes this disenchantment of Blue Pill idealism can (usually does) lead to significant anger.

This anger doesn’t lessen the reality that the Red Pill praxeology has made him aware of. In fact, it may be that anger that inspires him to become more aware, more sensitive, to it. That anger may prompt him to add his experiences to that praxeology which in turn benefits others. For others, this disenchantment may be depressing or a source of nihilism. And for others it can be a liberation and motivation for a new and much more hopeful life founded on a new awareness of a condition he now has better control of. On many occasions I’ve attempted to address exactly this hopelessness.

From A New Hope:

The key to living in a red pill context is to unlearn your blue pill expectations and dreams of finding contentment in them, and replace them with expectations and aspirations based on realistic understandings of red pill truths.

Learn this now, you will never achieve contentment or emotional fulfillment in a blue pill context with red pill awareness.

Killing your inner Beta is a difficult task and part of that is discarding an old, comfortable, blue pill paradigm. For many newly unplugged, red pill aware, men the temptation is to think they can use this new understanding to achieve the goal-states of their preconditioned blue pill ideals. What they don’t understand is that, not only are these blue pill goal-states flawed, but they are also based on a flawed understanding of how to attain them.

I devoted an entire section in Preventive Medicine to that post. I expect this sentiment will be a bit of an inconvenience to the marketeers who’d rather misdirect those men seeking Red Pill awareness to believe that the “Red Pill” is just “Truthful Anger”. There is a lot to be very positive about in Red Pill awareness, but the ugly truth is that your Blue Pill existence, and the idealism it used to promise you, is now dead. As I’ve stated before, the truth will set you free, but it doesn’t make that truth pretty, nor does it absolve you of accepting it. Red Pill awareness is upsetting, but what follows from that unplugging, whether it’s anger and frustration or liberation and hopefulness is not the focus of becoming ‘aware’ in a Red Pill perspective.

Those are just possible, and fungible, outcomes of that awareness.

When I go into what I do on this blog or my books my point is to give men the tools of a new perspective. I’m not a Life Coach, a dating Guru or a motivational speaker. What I offer is the awareness that I, and many others, have contributed to what is Red Pill praxeology. I write what I do because I feel compelled to; the message and the awareness is my primary focus. While I do offer occasional, general advice about certain aspects of The Red Pill I generally try to resist being prescriptive. I’ve stated this before, but it bears repeating, I’m not interested in making better men, I’m interested in men making themselves better men. My life and my interpretations of it are not going to be a template for anyone else to follow. Red Pill awareness, based on the praxeology of intersexual dynamics in the personal and social realms, will save and/or improve your life, but that life has to be lived by you as an individual.

The Red Pill®

All that said, this awareness does not preclude other men (and women) from attempting to profit by selling men a template upon which they believe others should follow. I covered this in The Purple Pill, but there’s a lot more to this profiteering. The term ‘Red Pill’ has evolved to the point where it’s become a brand unto itself. This leaves its popularity up for exploitation and reinterpretation to suit the commercial interests of whomever has a personal agenda or ideology they wish to promote as ‘Red Pill’. That term ‘Red Pill’ (not the praxeology) then becomes a convenient substitute for whatever subjective truth the one (or party) appropriating it would have others believe.

The bastardization of the Red Pill is something I’ve predicted for some time now. When I wrote Could a Man Have Written This? my concern then was that women would eventually appropriate and redefine ‘The Red Pill’ to serve the Feminine Imperative by bastardizing it to mean whatever best fit women’s purposes. The point in that (November, 2011) essay was that, in our feminine-primary social order, it is only women who are allowed to speak with authority about intersexual dynamics and that any man attempting to apply a measure of critical thought to those dynamics will immediately be accused of male bias and misogyny. As such, only women would be allowed to decide what aspects of the Red Pill praxeology ought to be part of the Red Pill brand.

Naturally, I reject that notion, but it is precisely what has happened with The Red Pill Movie; a documentary that is ostensibly about the MRM. I say ostensibly because, while on the surface it seems to be about the Men’s (human) Rights Movement, the focus of the film is really on its (I presume formerly) feminist director/producer Cassie Jaye, a cutesy 29 year old whose feminine-solipsism pervades the entire documentary as well as all of the post-production promotions and interviews.

Casie the feminist makes the entirety of the documentary not about the MRM as such, but more about her own ‘journey of self-discovery’, a common romantic theme that appeals to women’s innate solipsism. In every post screening interview about the film the story becomes primarily about her; the MRM just playing a supporting role in her ‘transformation’. This is sort of a poetic justice for the MRM who all too readily employ and endorse any and every ‘former feminist’ who’s not-a-feminist (until they become a feminist again) as part of their efforts to transform into more perfected egalitarian-equalists than the feminists they despise.

This film is not about The Red Pill, it’s about a 29 y.o. “feminist” actress-turned-indie-fim-director and her ‘journey of self-discovery’ in which an opportunistic MRM is only too happy to play as her supporting actor.

These are the faces the MRM wants to represent “The Red Pill”:

This is a pretty accurate depiction of how I expected ‘The Red Pill’ to be misrepresented back in 2011. It encapsulates the disingenuousness with which commercial interests (or solipsistic interests, take your pick) will portray ‘The Red Pill’ while blithely ignoring any effort to really understand the praxeology. That doesn’t make for good tingles of indignation for women, but a good outrage broker knows their what their audience wants.

However, we now have several other profiteers making similar claims about what the Red Pill really is and who ought to be able to redefine it to best serve their own motives. All of these factions have one common purpose; to reinterpret whatever bastardization of The Red Pill as a brand that will be a proxy for ‘truth’ whatever it is they are selling or what would affirm their ideology.

Todd from Real Social Dynamics picks up this profit model here:

Here we have a blatant attempt to reinterpret what the “red pill” is really all about by conflating the Red Pill brand with being the opposite side of a White Knight® coin. And again, it’s packaged in TL;DR easily digestible feints at humor. Anyone versed in The Red Pill praxeology understands just how Blue Pill Todd’s assertions here are (get a pre nup). This is the same Purple Pill sugar coating of Red Pill truths I’ve been warning against for years now, but it becomes potentially dangerous to men because it encourages them to follow the Children with Dynamite path with regards to Game. Learning Game becomes a quest of acquiring only enough understanding of the nature of women and intersexual dynamics (the ones that are palatable to the profit model) to achieve a Blue Pill idealistic goal-state monogamy that brought these men to look for their own answers in the first place. They are selling the key to a Blue Pill dream.

Ultimately, RSD Todd is selling this same, comforting, Blue Pill idealism, and a means to achieving it packaged as Game, while personally defining the Red Pill based on little or no understanding of the praxeology of it. Not to split hairs, but I believe this distortion on the part of both Todd and Cassie is intentional. Neither one made any attempt to really research or make any critical inquiry into what The Red Pill is, the dots it connects or the awareness it instills in men before they decided they were qualified to build their own brands around it.

I should add here that a lot of ideological factions have appropriated The Red Pill in recent years as a proxy for validating their own agendas. The Red Pill was always about intersexual dynamics from as far back as I’ve been familiar with it. I can remember using it as a term for awareness about men’s feminine-centric conditioning from at least 2002 on the SoSuave forums. We didn’t even refer to it as Red Pill as such so much as we’d call what we know as Blue Pill men (AFCs) as being trapped in the Matrix – unaware of their conditioning. It kind of went from there.

I’ll still continue to use The Red Pill as a term for the praxeology we use to come into an awareness of true intersexual dynamics, but I realize it’s becoming a bastardization. Roosh made an attempt to separate himself from The Red Pill going on three years ago, by trying to rebrand it as his own Neomasculinity, which hasn’t really made any real traction to my knowledge. However, the point is that whatever TRP is renamed as it will still be a branding effort on the part of those who see it as anything but a praxeology.

I’ve made this point in several prior posts, but, The Red Pill is the theory while Game is the practice and the fieldwork experimentation. Both inform the other, and one suffers without the other. This is what is at the heart of The Red Pill and it’s what shocks men into a new awareness and a new experience in life. It is not founded in pessimism, cynicism or misogyny, but rather, honest, unvarnished assessments and correlated experiences of men. Those assessments are often disconcerting, but they are only upsetting to a mindset that holds Blue Pill conditioned ideals as a correct interpretation of them. That can lead to those outside a practiced knowledge of it to believe that the awareness the Red Pill brings is a net negative. What is undeniable is the appeal of the truth The Red Pill presents and that appeal is attractive to men who are still trapped in their Blue Pill idealism.

Their want is to find some way to achieve a Blue Pill idealistic goal with the very harsh reality a Red Pill awareness brings to them. They want to be reinserted back into the Matrix, but with just enough Red Pill awareness to make their Blue Pill hopes a reality. They don’t believe The Lady in Red is real, but they do believe that she’s attainable and can be made real because they have the Red Pill awareness to effect it.

They also see the potential for selling a sugar-coated version of the Red Pill’s knowledge-base as a means for other men to achieve their own false hope in Blue Pill idealism. There really is no going back once you have a grasp of the praxeology of the Red Pill, but it’s a comforting fiction for Blue Pill men (who’ve yet to kill their inner Betas) to believe they can achieve those Blue Pill goals with just enough Red Pill awareness (the pro-feminine parts they think women will approve of).

And this false hope, one that conveniently ignores the uncomfortable parts of Red Pill awareness, is what will be sold by profiteers no matter what title they apply to it.

December 12, 2016December 20, 2016

The Power of Emotion

Science fiction has always sought to portray human emotion as a weakness to be overcome.
Some have gone further to express the notion of our physical being as a limiting factor. This is notably seen in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I’m aware this is fiction, but I just want to reinforce the point from my earlier post that we don’t have to be held to eternal hostage by nature. We can strive to be better.
A quote from Terminator 2, sums it up admirably.

T-800 to John Connor: “I now know why you cry. But it is something, I can never do.”

While emotions are a part of our experience as human beings, Red Pill aware men need to understand the functionality of emotional responses. Rationality is, of course, the charter of this blog and my books, and while I make my best efforts to approach each aspect of what I write from as objective an origin as I’m able to, I also understand that there are limitations to remaining completely objective. I’m human like anyone else reading this (chatbots excepted) and I’ve always been fully aware that my emotional state, my own ego-investments and biases, as well as the observer effect are all something I need to make a conscious effort to account for while I’m writing about a new idea or observation I’m connecting dots with.

In a few prior posts I’ve made an effort to account for a balance between rationality and emotionalism. I say “emotionalism” because I think there needs to be a separation between the physical experience of emotion and the significance our fem-centric social order would have us place on those experiences. There is a difference between emotional response (evolved stimulus-response adaptations) and the ideologies that elevate human emotion to a metaphysical state (emotionalism).

Seeking, rage, fear, lust, care, panic and play are what are commonly recognized as primal emotions. I didn’t make this list up myself, these are just the most base-level imperatives from which more complex experiences of emotion are distilled. All of these root-level emotional experiences have been studied extensively and can be stimulated chemically and neurologically today. An easy example of this biological connection to emotional experience can be triggered and observed in the ‘roid rages’ experienced by the users of anabolic steroids.

Have you ever been “Hangry“? The feeling of anger / aggressiveness due to being overly hungry is an evolutionary survival adaptation. You’re far more motivated to kill and eat something if the feeling of hunger, prompted by its chemical triggers, also stimulates feelings of aggression. In today’s era that aggression may be inconvenient or anti-social, but our hunter-gatherer ancestors found it both acceptable and useful.

There are dozens of other examples I can give for the connection between our environmental, physical and chemical conditions and our emotional state. Similarly, there are chemical (dopamine) and behavioral prompts we associate with a particular emotional state. I don’t imagine this is anything revelatory to most Red Pill aware readers, but reviewing the objective aspects of emotion is necessary in order to separate it from the social influence of emotionalism.

Testosterone is well known to stimulate feelings of aggression and sexual arousal, but did you know that the chemical make up of testosterone is actually an inhibitor of the chemicals that prompt sadness and crying? When considered in this respect and the fact that human males produce 12 to 17 times the amount of testosterone females do, is it any coincidence that men may feel less compulsion to cry over things? Yet, men are shamed for “holding back” tears. This is an example of the connection between our physical experience of emotions and the importance to which our social order places on (primarily female) emotionalism. There are a lot of complexities that make up our emotional state and the more we study the influences of our own biologies the better we can make a connection between the evolved, survival-beneficial, effect these emotions elicit in us.

The nuts and bolts science of emotions demystifies the more magical, romanticized association we like to apply to them. And at the risk of prompting any kind of nihilism, it’s important that we consider our emotional state in terms of the concrete physical stimulus that’s provoking our emotional states. It’s easy to get into the science of emotions when we’re trying to solve a problem like clinical depression and the feelings and potential behaviors it evokes, but it’s much harder to look at upsetting an elated feeling of happiness. If it ain’t broke there’s no reason to think about fixing it.

But what sets us off about really coming to terms with the science of emotion is it tends to kill our gods. Up until advent of our understanding the cause and effect influences of emotion we’ve applied a lot of metaphysical importance to our emotions. Historically, our emotions have inspired us to create some of the greatest cultural and artistic masterpieces, and they’ve urged us to some pretty ugly atrocities too. Even today, western cultures raise emotion to a mythical grandeur. We romanticize and apply great significance to how we feel. We prioritize expressing emotions to being some enlightened state and the repression or control of them as some kind of horrible evil or some form of retardation.

Emotionalism

The Washington Post (I know, I know,…) recently published the findings of a study outlining how “sexist” men have psychological problems:

Researchers then identified 11 norms considered to be “traditionally masculine” — desire to win, need for emotional control, risk-taking, violence, dominance, sexual promiscuity or playboy behavior, self-reliance, primacy of work, power over women, disdain for homosexuality and pursuit of status — and looked to see whether they were associated with particular mental health outcomes.

In general, the men who stuck more strongly to these norms were more likely to experience problems such as depression, stress, body image issues, substance abuse and negative social functioning. They were also less likely to turn to counseling to help deal with those problems. The effect was particularly strong for men who emphasized playboy behavior, power over women and self-reliance.

As you might expect, what’s defined as “toxic” masculinity today is decided by people invested in a mindset that confirms the Feminine Imperative. This article follows along with what will likely be the Trump-era narrative for masculinity – anything remotely considered “traditionally” masculine will be conflated with a psychological disorder. The cure to which is, of course, ego-investing men in feminine-primary mental states; effectively feminizing men.

If we look at the norms identified by this study we are expected to nod in agreement about the negative, potentially damaging, connotations these traditionally masculine aspects imply. But they are only negative because the objective environment we are supposed to interpret them from is one of feminine primacy. Anything that can be considered an impediment to female societal control, any aspect of men’s intrinsic natures that lessens the same potentials of women is considered “toxic”.

Desire to win, need for emotional control, risk-taking, violence, dominance, sexual promiscuity or playboy behavior, self-reliance, primacy of work, power over women, disdain for homosexuality and pursuit of status – by orders of degree these are the foundational aspects of masculinity that’s been responsible for the advancement of humanity for millennia now. I’m not entirely sure what ‘playboy lifestyle’ entails, but consider the problems these aspects of male nature evolved to solve for men. Each one of these characteristics has a functional prompt; they didn’t evolve in a vacuum. These parts of masculinity were and are functional benefits to men. Only in a society that defines supremacism of women and the primacy of female-correctness do these aspects become negative.

I doubt it will come as any surprise to the Red Pill aware that all of these traits used to have a higher social value in virtually all social orders prior to our present one. It’s not enough to make female social interaction the preeminent one, masculinity and its conventional aspects must be pathologized. They must become a sickness if gynocentrism is to sustain itself.

I’m exploring this here because the female way of socialization is founded upon emotionalism. I think it’s important for Red Pill men to understand that the defining of what particular emotional states are acceptable is intimately linked to what those states mean to the Feminine Imperative. In the past 60 years western(ized) culture has become one in which the feminine defines the predominant cultural narrative with regard to intersexual communication, correctness and the psychological values we are meant to infer from it. This discourse is one that is primarily informed by women’s high priority on an investment in emotionalism.

In past essays I’ve outlined how men and women’s brains are neurologically wired for different, yet complementary functions. Women experience negative emotions differently from men. The male brain evolved to seek out sex before food. And while our feminine-centric social order insists that, in the name of equalism, boys should be forced to learn in the same modality as that of girls, the science shows that boys brains are rudimentarily wired to learn differently.

“Greater emotional reactivity in women may explain many things, such as their being twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders compared to men,” Mendrek added, who is also an associate professor at the University of Montreal’s Department of Psychiatry.

Yet for all of these very evident physical differences in men and women’s experience of emotion, it is women’s experience, and a feminine priority for the ‘correctness’ of that experience we apply to men. I would suggest that much of this is primarily due to women’s innate solipsism, but we’ve normalized women’s experience of emotion as the common and correct one in terms of intersexual communication and social dynamics.

Emotionalism and the applying of metaphysical meaning to the feminine-correct experience of them has pervaded our social consciousness since the time of the sexual revolution. This elevated importance of emotion has been a part of popular culture for millennia of course, but until the rise of a socially mandated importance of female Hypergamy we haven’t had female emotionalism direct the course of society as it has for over sixty years now.

As such, we see that men “getting in touch with their feminine sides” is really a concerted effort to repress their natural experience of emotion as a male, and to attempt to force their own emotional states into ones females can identify with. As I mentioned above, there are literally biological limitations for a man to experience emotion as a woman as well as his impulse to want to prioritize those feelings as women do. The presumption is that a man is emotionally stunted if he feel that repressing his emotions is what he ought to do. “Boys don’t cry” is a sickness when it is women’s experience and importance of emotionalism that drives our social discourse.

Women bemoan men’s stereotypical lack of “emotional availability”, and we put a religious importance upon our capacity to express our emotions in some way, but all of this is constrained to the box that is women’s correct experience and importance of emotion. This is not what men’s brains are naturally wired for, and in a Red Pill context this is not what women’s hindbrains want from men.

It’s important for Red Pill men to understand that our feminine-primary social order is founded up the importance women place on the God of emotion. Part of your Blue Pill conditioning was to convince you, as a young boy, that the way women emote and the importance they put on emotion is what you needed to accept as the healthy, normal way of experiencing and expressing it. The truth is you are not wired to experience emotion as a woman will. That isn’t to suggest you deny or repress your feelings, but to understand that you shouldn’t feel bad for not feeling as a woman feels. This kind of goes back to the point I was making in Empathy; while it may be possible for a woman to sympathize with your feelings, she will never be able to empathize with them as a man would experience it.

Furthermore, it should be part of men’s unplugging to come to terms with the metaphysical importance women place on (largely their own) emotional states. They remove the functional aspect of emotion and elevate it to something only women have a unique sensitivity to understand. Separating yourself from this self-induced, self-applied belief in emotion can be a very powerful tool for a Red Pill man in his dealing with women – and not just the ones he’s intimately involved with. Separating your ego from the religion of emotion and coming to terms with the science of emotion is a very difficult step for Blue Pill invested men to make. As I said, it’s like killing your gods, but it’s also killing the notion of the emotionalism you think you need to identify with in order to connect with a woman.

November 16, 2016

She’s Unhaapppy,…

@thelaplayboy @GoldmundUnleash why are women predisposed to be unhappy and tends to be their default go-to state? – How you deal with that

— JamesDelaney (@GorillaBourne) November 14, 2016

Do women seem more or less happy to you? It’s kind of hard to quantify/qualify what happiness means to men, but when it comes to women’s state of happiness or contentment I think most guys have a tendency to expect women’s experience of happiness to be measured on a similar scale to their own. From a strictly evo-psych / evo-bio perspective it’s important that any metric of happiness between the sexes be measured by first considering each’s innate psychological firmware and what contributes to men and women feeling a degree of happiness.

Because men and women rate their experiences differently per their own interpretations of what contribute to it happiness becomes a really subjective evaluation. As you might guess, what makes for a happy woman is not always what makes for a happy man. It’s a similar contrast to men and women’s differing concepts of love. Men tend to approach love from an idealistic perspective, and women base their emotional investments on opportunistic contexts. We’re conditioned from an early age to believe men and women share a mutual concept of love thanks to an ever-present presumption of egalitarian equalism between males and females, and this is where a lot of intersexual problems find their root.

Likewise, our egalitarian presumptions also condition men and women to believe that we share mutual concepts of what should and shouldn’t make either sex happy in a long term sense. In this case it is women who are largely misled by the equalist narrative. For more than sixty years women have been conditioned to believe they can meet their own idealistic goal of ‘having it all’ if they can only “empower” themselves into being Strong Independent Women®. Increasingly women are coming to the conclusion that this pro-woman life plan has been nothing but feel-good advertising, and now, after having invested their most productive years in this narrative they find that they are largely unhappy with the results its brought into their lives.

You see, equalism (the religion of feminism) would have women believe that what makes men happy must necessarily be what makes women happy – or would make them happy in the long term if only the “patriarchy” would allow women the same opportunities to experience it. If we are all blank-slate equals, what makes women and men happy must be mutually shared, thus men are encouraged to be women and craft their identities around feminine-primacy, but also, women must become men and craft their personas around the masculine ideals that bring men so much power, and by way of it happiness.

Yet in our modern western(izing) world we find that the equalist effort to socially engineer androgyny into society has had the opposite effect in engendering happiness in women. Article after article and study after study show that women’s perceived happiness is at an all-time low since researchers have been collecting data on it. Women are living longer lives and at no point in history have they enjoyed more access to the means of more success than in the now. Mainstream feminine-primacy sees that more women are college educated than men, while men fill our prisons at 12 times the rate of women, yet for all of this women express feeling less satisfied with the quality of, and happiness in, their lives.

American women are wealthier, healthier and better educated than they were 30 years ago. They’re more likely to work outside the home, and more likely to earn salaries comparable to men’s when they do. They can leave abusive marriages and sue sexist employers. They enjoy unprecedented control over their own fertility. On some fronts — graduation rates, life expectancy and even job security — men look increasingly like the second sex.

But all the achievements of the feminist era may have delivered women to greater unhappiness. In the 1960s, when Betty Friedan diagnosed her fellow wives and daughters as the victims of “the problem with no name,” American women reported themselves happier, on average, than did men. Today, that gender gap has reversed. Male happiness has inched up, and female happiness has dropped. In postfeminist America, men are happier than women.

And, as would be expected, women’s dissatisfaction with their lives is always traced back to uncooperative men and their reluctancy to make feminism the roaring success they just know it could be if men would simply accept their diminishing importance and superfluousness. What Today’s Woman has been sold is that the careerism, status seeking and ambitiousness that’s driven men to their sense of happiness-through-accomplishment (with all the prerequisite sacrifices needed to get there) is necessarily the same path to women’s sense of happiness and fulfillment.

But men and women are in fact different, and while the social experiment that is equalism continues to destroy lives by insisting they aren’t, women are coming to find (often too late in life to correct) that happiness for themselves comes as a result of satisfying needs that are innate to their nature as a female. As such, equalism and feminism fluidly redefine what “should be” happiness for men and women – men should always find fulfillment in making women happy in an ‘equalist’ utopia – yet that contentment for women will always be elusive and thus, a need to make men the culprits in that unending oppression of happiness comes into play.

Worst Case Scenario

Virtually every woman I’ve ever come into contact with in my lifetime shared a common mindset – each one subscribes to what I call the ‘worst case scenario’ mindset. I expect this from a mother or matronly relative, maybe even an overprotective sister, but to some degree all (and yes I mean all) women share a sense of risk aversion. That may not be in all aspects of a woman’s life, and certainly there are instances where this can be overridden – usually ones that imply an optimized Hypergamous opportunity – but I find that it’s part of women’s psychological firmware to obsessively want to mitigate risk of loss. Whether that’s risk of injury or resources or something that has a potential for providing her with security, the innate female subroutine is to play things safe.

In an age of mass media and instantaneous communication (women’s domain) this risk aversion gets combined with women’s primary, evolutionarily derived, need for a sustainable long term security and an existence-level sense of doubt. I’ve covered in prior posts about how Hypergamy is rooted in doubt and demands a constant reverifying of its being optimized in a man or a man with whom a woman has the potential of becoming intimate with. What results from this root level doubt and a hindbrain need for security is a continual preoccupation with the Worst Case Scenario.

Every possibility for the worst is thought through, contemplated and anticipated by women. There are very few women known for their genuine optimism or faith in a better outcome than what could possibly be the worst case. Yes, there are women who are saccharine motivational speakers, women’s ministry leaders and “make it a great day” believers in the magic powers of positivity, but even when it is genuine it comes as the result of wanting to mitigate the risks of the worst case scenario for their own (or women’s) lives.

As I wrote in Imagination, a man’s best tool in his Game toolbox is a woman’s imagination. That may be well for Game, but it also comes with the drawback of women’s imaginings of the worst possible thing that could ever happen. Throw women’s evolved sense of solipsism into this mix and it’s the worst possible thing that could happen, to her. On one hand, Dread is useful because of this innately female dynamic, but when you must contend with what amounts to a never ending battery of ‘what if’ doubts and reassurances then you begin to see the downside of that imagination. You begin to understand why women default to blaming men for not providing them with a sustainable happiness.

Women, being the life-bearing, nurture-giving sex with the most to lose in their investment in selecting a mate and gestating a child, have evolved to seek a sustainable security above all else – a security that guarantees her individuated happiness. That conventional, evolved sense of wellbeing used to be dependent upon the provisioning and the excitement that could only be provided by men. This is a subconscious expectation of women. Even women who subscribe to sexual fluidity often seek a similar security from their masculinized dominant partner.

Social Security

As a result of our equalist social narrative, women have been conditioned to believe that they can find this security and happiness in some untapped well they have hidden in their psyche if only they can be Strong and Independent enough to access it. In prior essays I’ve made the case that the ultimate goal of our feminine-primary social order has been to facilitate women’s optimizing Hypergamy by essentially outlawing men’s influence on that process. Every gender-based law that’s come into being since the time of the Sexual Revolution; from sexual consent, to what constitutes sexual harassment, to father’s (lack of) rights, to divorce settlement has been motivated by this deep seated female need for an enduring security. This was a security unique to men, but in an ‘equalist’ paradigm it is no longer required of, nor is it expected to be found in, men.

Yet for all of this handwringing, for all of the great efforts needed to legislate men’s direct or indirect financing of this security, and despite every social dispensation intended to empower women to provide this soul-gnawing need for security, women are still not happy.

The masterful Pook once said that the surest way to make a woman unhappy is to give them everything they want. I recently got into, yet again, another debate about the merits or non-merits of Choreplay and whether the idea of women getting hot for guys who do dishes was really a thing,…or not. This time the spin is that women will cheat on their husbands if they don’t do more chores.

As I was requoting myself for this debate I realized how long the Choreplay dilemma has been playing out – the first time I took it on was 2008. Men are deductive problem solvers. We want to make women happy as a means to getting sex, keeping the peace, sustaining intimacy, security, and just making a woman happy. The problem with that is that nothing a man can do will make a woman happy in the long term. In fact, just the whack-a-mole attempt to intentionally try to make a woman happy is itself a display women read as coming from a man who Just Doesn’t Get It.

The majority of men (Betas) would like nothing more than to sustain a woman’s happiness. They’re taught that relationship are always ‘hard work’ and his work will ultimately never be good enough. Even the most dutiful Beta can’t make a woman happy, but their efforts become a process of him negotiating for a woman’s desire. Whether that’s earning the ‘happiness’ of his mother, his sister, his female co-worker or his wife, the effect is the same.

We’ve made women’s happiness a litmus test for how successful a man or his relationships are. The common refrain of a woman leaving a man due to her being “unhaaaaaapy” is almost a cliché in the manosphere now. But if it’s a cliché it’s because this is the go-to reasoning we’ve heard from pop-psychologists, marriage counselors and mommy bloggers for the 70%+ of divorces initiated by women. We are expected to put a premium on women’s sustained happiness in a feminine-primary social order. Women’s happiness has become the prime directive and the metric for a relationship’s success. Any concern for men’s happiness is either a sign of his weakness or his problematic misogyny.

From Perfecting the Fantasy:

Here’s a secret – there’s no such thing as contentment.

Being content implies that life is static; it’s not, and to be honest, how boring would that be anyway? Life consists of varying states of discontent: why else would you bother doing anything? But the good news is that it’s more fun and more beneficial to manage discontent than to endure contentment (which you can’t anyway since it’s transitory at best). The trick is to understand that there are 2 kinds of discontent – creative and destructive discontent. What you choose to do with that discontent makes all the difference in the world. You will only get what you’ve gotten if you keep doing what you’ve done. Don’t allow yourself to fall back into old destructive habits of dealing with discontent. Don’t bother with anti-depressants and self-help books when a good hard workout at the gym would serve you better.

The truth is I’m always discontent, but constructively so. The minute you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see you’re sunk. You can always improve, even after achieving things that were once very important and difficult to attain. Happiness is a state of being, it’s in the ‘doing’ not the ‘having done.’ It’s not about endlessly chasing your tail, it’s about being better than you were the day before.

I agree with Gorilla Patriot, women’s default is for unhappiness, but I’d qualify this by saying it’s more of a predisposition of discontent. That is to say there is no real neutral disposition for a woman. Even in a state of indifference, a woman’s conditioned expectation from men will always originate from a preconception of disappointment. The worst case scenario is what is subconsciously planned for to the point that, even a man whom a woman loves and trusts, a woman’s first expectation from him is failure.

A lot of this comes from a lifetime of having male role models portrayed as default failures, social ignoramuses or just ridiculous because of their maleness. Women have had an endless education that only their unique femaleness can solve men’s problems of maleness, and they solve it in spite of themselves. Women are quite literally taught to expect failure, discontentment and unhappiness from men from a very early age.

The great tragedy of this ‘education’ is that it teaches women to empower themselves to find some life satisfaction as a result of their independence from men, but yet they can’t get around the want to find happiness with men. This teaching seeks to create some equalist semblance of happiness based on what men define for themselves as happiness.

They’re taught that a real enduring security is somehow possible in an intrinsically unsafe and chaotic world. So they limit men, they mandate laws and social mores to mitigate the risks that men, in their idealism, would naturally be drawn to take. They keep the kids safe, tell them to walk on one side of the sidewalk, tell them not to jump on the bed, tell them not to ride a bike without a helmet and knee and arm pads, and to prepare for the most damaging possibility imaginable. And men, who’ve always been bigger, more dangerous children to them, must comply with this risk aversion by law or by shame.

Women are unhappy because they expect unhappiness. They’ve been taught that the security they sought in men was a weakness; one they need to compensate for. They were conditioned to feel shame for that need, that masculine comfort, even when they know security is never going to be guaranteed in the best of possible cases. They’re unhappy because they were taught that men’s happiness is better than women’s happiness and that’s the path they ought to follow no matter the sacrifice, no matter the damage to the family. They were taught that feminist pride and equalist hubris were a better substitute for a family – they believed the lie that they would just be ‘happy captives’.

November 11, 2016

Deep Conversion

conversion

About four years ago Nick Krauser dropped a quick-hit post on his blog called Deep Conversion. I made a mental note in my head about this concept back then because, in spite of the brevity of it, I really thought Nick was on to something much more significant. The direction of my recent discussions both on this blog and a few other forums I read got me thinking about Nick’s observations.

I had an old reader (who want’s me to believe he’s a new reader) dig back through my archives and reheat an old debate about conflating my post about women’s concept of love with, “women are incapable of love – at all.” Over the five years that this blog’s been online I’ve gone to great lengths to define my position on the differing concepts of love either gender holds, and what influences the origins of love for either gender. I wont do a remedial post to reassert my points on this here. If you’re new reader and unfamiliar with that expansive series of posts I’ll refer you the Love category on my side bar links. However, to restate the premise for today’s post so everything is clear:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6
Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved.

In its simplicity this speaks volumes about about the condition of Men. It accurately expresses a pervasive nihilism that Men must either confront and accept, or be driven insane in denial for the rest of their lives when they fail to come to terms with the disillusionment.

Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of.

In the same respect that women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives, women can’t actualize how a man would have himself loved by her. It is not the natural state of women, and the moment he attempts to explain his ideal love, that’s the point at which his idealization becomes her obligation. Our girlfriends, our wives, daughters and even our mothers are all incapable of this idealized love. As nice as it would be to relax, trust and be vulnerable, upfront, rational and open, the great abyss is still the lack of an ability for women to love Men as Men would like them to.

That bolded part there was always emphasized for a very important reason – to avoid the misperception in men that women are entirely incapable of love, and to make a distinction about men’s Blue Pill hope that a woman could love him according to his idealistic concept of love. As I said, there is an expansive series on my ideas about this, and it requires an (I believe rewarding) investment of time and comprehension in understanding them. Sorry, but there is no TL;DR version here.

When I wrote this, and during my deliberating it, I fully expected to get this most common response I get from men still stinging from a more cynical Red Pill awakening. And that is the want to believe that women’s Hypergamy prevents them from ever feeling a “genuine” love or a genuine desire for men beyond what their most immediate opportunistic need may be according to their sexual strategy – short term breeding or long term security. Generally, it’s newly unplugged guys who want to accuse me of not thinking it all the way through because I need some hopeful rationale to justify my 20-year marriage, or they think I’ve never considered Briffault’s Law.

Concepts & Expectations

I expected all of this when I wrote my early essays on men and women’s differing concepts of love. And while I’ve covered the idea of love being a complementary arrangement between men and women each holding differing concepts in prior essays, one thing I haven’t explored is what Nick calls the “Deep Conversion” a woman goes through and what she feels for a man with whom she genuinely falls in love with.

Nick refers to this process as a kind of ‘soul surrender’ in which a woman recognizes a Man’s inherent value to both her short term sexual, and long term security needs. From her perception, this guy represents her Hypergamous ideal. Such is his sexual market value in relation to her own that it puts all but the most deeply rooted doubts of his quality to rest for her and opens her to associating him with an emotional state.

I should also point out that this emotional state needn’t always be a positive association; just that the association he represents is an ideal situation her hindbrain interprets as Hypergamously optimal. If that dynamic seems like a recipe for potential abuse you’re not too far from the mark. This conversion comes as a result of a woman’s perception of her Hypergamous need and her own SMV in comparison to what she believes that man’s SMV is in relation. Shaking a woman out of the devotion she has with an abusive husband/boyfriend is really shaking her out of the perception that he represents her Hypergamous ideal.

That optimal state is also qualified by her own self-perception of her sexual market value, and again prioritized by her most necessitous needs for her phase of maturity. However, given all these variables, that man’s perceived value to her Hypergamy is always valued as higher than her own. Hypergamy never seeks its own level, but always looks for a better-than deserved SMV comparison. In terms of SMV ratios-to-attachment Deep Conversion takes place somewhere between a 2:1 to 3:1 variance.

Most guys are simply incapable of inspiring this kind of total soul surrender and devotion in a women. Most women never get to feel it and instead must get off on Deep Conversion Lite through sugar-rush books like 50 Shades of Grey. It’s the difference between spinning plates with fuck buddies and having a genuine harem where all your girls are exclusive to you. The women aren’t aligning with you out of cold calculation or temporary strung-out groupie lust, the connection runs far far deeper and feels wholesome to both of you.

This was an excellent observation on Nick’s part, however, I think it’s important to consider this bit in terms of why most men are incapable of instilling a Deep Conversion state in women. The first reason is that most men (being Beta) already presume that any woman who would find them suitable for a monogamous commitment must already feel this sense of Deep Conversion otherwise they’d never agree to that commitment. This is part of the Blue Pill conditioning for Beta men – any girl who says “yes” to him must necessarily see him as her Hypergamous ideal. Most men lack the Red Pill awareness that women regularly make long term relationship decisions based on security needs, not because that guy represents her Hypergamous ideal.

Women would rather cry over an asshole than be saddled with a guy who bores them to tears. That doesn’t sell very well with Blue Pill men raised on Disney dreams, but women readily get into LTRs where the Beta they pair with is no comparison to the Alpha she’s widowed from; for whom she had a Deep Conversion with. And as Nick says, this is when they look to manufacture their own indignation and the excitement they lack in cheap (but safe) substitutes.

Another reason most men never experience this is because, due their Blue Pill conditioning, never give themselves permission to become the conventionally masculine men with a dominance that women need in order to feel this conversion for him. Most Blue Pill men have been taught a default deference to women. Theirs is one of a ‘Nice’, passive sensitivity to a woman’s perceived wants, rather than a dominant knowing of her need which is born from a lifetime of learning to place his mental point of origin on the whims of women.

This may be my own interpretation, but I would also argue that both a woman’s evolved psychological filtering (testing) of a man’s Hypergamous qualifications and her socialized sense of self (ego) contribute to a woman resisting this Deep Conversion for a man. As a lot of men in the Married Red Pill and DeadBedroom subredd forums will attest, it’s entirely possible to spend your life with a woman who will never feel this conversion with a man.

Deep Conversion

Done correctly deep conversion is the most satisfying experience possible between a man and a woman. So long as you keep the elements in place, it has no natural time limit. I had my ex-wife in this state for eight of the nine years we were together (losing it only when I lost my mojo) and I’ve had four girlfriends in the past two years in the same position. I’ve got a few more on the boil now. It’s really not very hard to do if you have the following core competencies in place:

An unshakeably strong frame. You are special, you know you’re special, and your masculinity is stratospheric compared to the chumps around you.

Cheerful misogyny. You love women but don’t take them seriously. This is more than just the attraction phase teasing. You genuinely believe women are more like dogs or children, meaning they are a delight when well-lead and a nightmare when left ill-disciplined without a pack leader. It’s empathetic but not weak or equalist.

Direction. Your life must be a straight line in a Deida-esque manner. Whether it’s your music, philosophy, career, fitness your life contains several arrows pointing the same direction… towards building the archetype of a fully developed man. If you are one-dimensional the girl will hold back.

Sexual mastery. Understand that women crave dominance above all else in the bedroom. Give her the kind of sex that penetrates her soul. This isn’t high-fitness sport sex and G-spot finding. Those men will keep a woman around as her sexual provider, the guy she goes to when she wants a good fucking, the bedroom equivalent of a qualifying beta chump. A sexual master rocks a girl psychologically so even a half-assed knee trembler in a public toilet has her dreaming for weeks afterwards. The girl dreams of pleasing him, not him pleasing her.

All four elements increase with age if you live your life correctly. I don’t want to write too much about it and certainly the book will never be released. Just be aware that it has it’s own ego traps, its own risks…. but it is possible. When you’re tired of the notch-carousel you might want to look into it.

Much of what Nick is outlining here is Red Pill 101 and I’d also add that Roissy’s original 16 Commandments of Poon would fill out this list more completely. What I’m exploring here, however, is the concept of how this Deep Conversion fits into the framework of men and women’s individualized concepts of love. On the one hand I have men who are critics tell me I’m in error because women’s opportunistic concept of love doesn’t meet their criteria for what love ought to be between a man and a woman – a mutually shared, unconsciously agreed upon, concept that aligns with men’s idealistic (love for love’s sake) concept.

Yet still, they don’t disagree with my assessment that women’s concept of love is rooted in optimizing their innate Hypergamy and manifests as an beneficent opportunism (beneficent in terms of quality control for the human race, not necessarily for men). This is where the conflict starts. If a male-idealistic concept of love is the correct one, and women lack a capacity to understand, appreciate or engage in that concept in a genuine, organic fashion then women entirely lack the capacity for love as men would define it. This is the deductive logic that tears men up when I explain men and women’s differing concepts of love. Their definition has to be the correct one, and if it is then women cannot love men. For guys reeling from the initial hopelessness that their Blue Pill world was always an exploitative fantasy, it’s hard for them to accept that their concept of love is only subjectively correct for them.

Blue Pill Idealism

Much of this hopelessness stems from the all-is-equal mentality that the Blue Pill sells us when we’re being raised by the ‘Village’ of pop-culture. Equalism is the religion of the Feminine Imperative, so Blue Pill men are conditioned to believe that men and women, being co-equal, co-rational agents, would necessarily share a common concept of love. As with everything egalitarian, that equalism outright denies any innate differences physically or psychologically that would separate men and women or make them adversarial in sexual strategy or purpose in life. This premise, of course, is deftly twisted by the Feminine Imperative to make feminine-primary sexual strategies and women’s concept of love, the socially correct expressions of ‘equalism’.

But therein lies men’s conflict. The same influences that convince men their idealistic concept of love is the mutually shared one are also the influences that convince men that satisfying women’s socio-sexual imperatives ought to be their life’s priority and their mental point of origin if they ever hope to achieve that idealized love state. Take this Blue Pill path to that idealistic state away from men, and you get very despondent guys who don’t believe women have a capacity to feel actual love for them. It all becomes jumping through hoops to create a feeling of love in women whose criteria for a love that originates in their opportunistic concept they must constantly qualify for.

Women critics of this differing love concepts dynamic, unsurprisingly, personalize every experience they have, their friends have or their family ever had by referring to examples of their own selfless acts of devotion to a certain man. It’s always a story about how they gave everything to a (often unappreciative, unreciprocating) man they felt some undying idealistic love for themselves, and how dare I impugn their sincerity in it?

And again, I’ll add that the only way they came to this idealistic love was through a Deep Conversion they had with a man who satisfied their Hypergamous opportunism long before they were ever inspired to those selfless acts of devotion and sacrifice. For every Alpha Widow woman who ever gave herself over to that conversion and surrendered her soul to a guy who never reciprocated it, there are a hundred Beta men who will never inspire that degree of devotion in the wives who settled on marrying them. Statistically, 80% of men (Betas) will never inspire the Deep Conversion that 10-20% of men women feel it for did.

The Red Pill Conversion

When I wrote The Love Experience I was asked to elaborate on a quote I’d made about men and women both having the capacity to love each other deeply and passionately:

“Men and women can and do love each other intensely and genuinely. They can and do see past each other’s deficiencies and their love endures.”

For men who innately cling to an idealistic concept of love, their own kind of Deep Conversion can come in the form of ONEitis and develop into some very unhealthy dependencies. One of the reasons ONEitis is so common among men is because their Blue Pill conditioning predisposes them to putting women’s needs above his own and they see that as the path to sustaining this True Love state – a state defined by their idealism.

For women, this Deep Conversion can only result from a man who so thoroughly satisfies her Hypergamous nature she’s willing to abandon her own sexual strategy. And, like the guy with ONEitis, she dedicates herself to the one guy she was able to (she thinks) lock down who was a better-than-deserved Hypergamous prospect. Women get very upset when this dedication is questioned (not unlike the ONEitis guy) because they’ve generally abandoned furthering their sexual strategy by investing their egos into a guy who satisfied their Hypergamous natures. To doubt that devotion is to doubt the wisdom of her investment – and that goes down to her evolved biology and psychology in that choice. I should note here that Alpha Widows are born from this conversion.

However, for all of that inherent risk, and despite men and women’s differing concepts of love, men and women can and do come together in individual states of love (that they often believe the other shares) that are ‘genuine’ to them and also last a lifetime. I would argue that this state cannot exist without a woman’s Deep Conversion occurring after, and as a process of, her testing and evaluating the quality of the man she feels it for. And I would also argue that a man who commits himself to this woman must also feel some sense of his idealistic concept of love being validated by that woman who has devoted herself to him.

Under the old social contracts, and under the old set of books, this conversion in men and women was likely something much easier than it is today. Women are distracted by social and cultural influences that distorts their ever truly understanding their greatly diminishing value to men, and at the same time places so many men so far below women in general that this conversion and devotion will always seem demeaning to them – even for men who exceed them in SMV.

However, this Deep Conversion state is not an impossibility and it is not impossible to sustain it in a Red Pill aware paradigm. In fact, I’ll say that Red Pill awareness and internalized Game is really the only way to sustain it in an era of Open Hypergamy where Blue Pill conditioning of men is the norm, and women’s expectations of men are ridiculously low, but standards are ridiculously exaggerated.

For the Red Pill / Game aware guy, understanding this conversion and how to inspire it is something he ought to contemplate since so much of a woman’s ego becomes invested in her devotion to him once that conversion takes place. Conversely, Red Pill men should also understand, as Nick explained about his ex-wife, that this conversion is always tentative upon his own capacity to perpetuate it.

September 25, 2016

For Better or Worse

Before I dive in here today it’s going to be important to put things into perspective with respect to an Old Married Guy becoming Red Pill aware and then applying what he’s learned in his marriage. In the last few comment threads the discussion has veered to what exactly the state of “monogamy” (if it can be called that) will look like in the next few decades given Red Pill awareness, Open Hypergamy, the progression of technologies that conflict with (or exacerbate) our evolved capacity to reproduce, etc.

The conversation tends to be a back and forth between what a more feasible and pragmatic approach to long-term relationships might be. The Young Single Guys make a (rather convincing) case for some form of men reserving the option of non-exclusivity; to take on short term lovers should the opportunity present itself – even if for just protecting a man’s state of Frame. Dread, being what it is, would necessarily be a mutually understood cornerstone of this arrangement.

The OMGs who’ve had the benefit of experience with respect to living with women (and in some cases divorces), rearing children (for better or worse) then offer up the realities of what a pLTR might be limited by with respect to actually living in an arrangement like this and the legal ramifications it leaves men open to.

Hashing out what Marriage 3.0 will or should look like is a discussion I’ll reserve for the next essay. For now I think it’s going to be important for that debate to recognize that since Red Pill awareness, in the intersexual respect, is a relatively new social awareness there’s always going to be differing experiences with it.

For the young men who’ve had the benefit of being Red Pill aware and learning Game, courtesy of communication technology and the experiences of countless other older men, it may sound kind of mundane when an Old Married Guy (OMG) finally ‘gets it’ after being Blue Pill for so long. But while you may never consider getting married in the future, you will no doubt get older and hopefully wiser in a way that your elders never had the benefit of. The reason I wrote Preventive Medicine was to do just this; to teach men what to expect from women and their sexual strategies and prioritization at their various phases of maturity. However, I would be remiss not to take into consideration what YSGs relate about the realities of today’s sexual marketplace. I think between us we have a very powerful knowledge-base.

As I said, for YSGs, it may seem mundane for a formerly Blue Pill OMG to kick up his wife’s sexual interest with his new Red Pill awareness, but consider that to him the Red Pill is an exciting answer to a long struggle. Likewise, an older guy reeling from an ugly divorce and rebuilding an even better life and sex life with Red Pill awareness is a fantastic feeling that I think is hard for YSGs to empathize with.

Instant Gratification

In my Stalling for Time essay I quoted reader YaReally and his understandable frustration with dealing with women in what’s become the modern sexual marketplace. I won’t re-quote it here, but the gist of it was how women of this generation are so predisposed to the attentions that social media offers them. The immediacy of social affirmation is just an Instagram post away and Beta orbiters are now a utility women simply take for granted.

It’s important to understand this in the light of how women’s psyches interpret instantaneous affirmation, as well as instantaneous indignation, attention and emotional consolation from both Beta orbiters and ‘you go girl’ girlfriends. I should also point out that there’s an even uglier side to this equation for women and girls who find themselves social outcasts. The cruel venom from haters is equally as instantaneous and likewise women’s evolved psyches struggle to process this.

As is the theme of this series, we have a situation wherein technological advancement outpaces human capacity to adequately process how it is affecting us. In this case we have women’s solipsistic nature that prevents the insight necessary to self-govern themselves with regard to how instant gratification of their base needs for attention is affecting their personalities and the decisions they make because of it. Prior to the communication age women’s need for interpersonal affirmation was generally limited to a small social circle and the opportunities to satisfy it were precious and private. It used to require far more investment on the part of women to connect interpersonally. But in the space of just two generations the social media age has made this affirmation an expect part of a woman’s daily life.

On top of this, we find ourselves in a time when feminine-primacy in our social structure makes criticizing or even making casual, constructive, observations of this self-gratifying vanity on par with misogyny for men. Women cannot hear what men wont tell them, and women have far less incentive to self-examine the consequences of what this affirmation-satisfying attention is working in them.

The Open Hypergamy Future

I get what the Young Single Guys are saying, I really do. I linked this article in a recent comment and after reading through it and author’s blog I can’t help but sympathize with the YSG’s grasp of the modern dating scene and how utterly hopeless it is for men to expect anything less than complete, life altering despair from the prospect of marriage. There is no upside to monogamous commitment, but the real kicker is that this condition is what women plan for and would hope for their own daughters.

Now, I understand Emma Johnson is another click-bait outrage broker, but is the sentiment her reader relates in raising her daughter to expect to be a single mother as an ideal state all that difficult or shocking to believe from women in this era?

My dream for my daughter is that she be in a loving relationship, and have a good ex-husband who really does a great job with the kids, 50 percent of the time.

People forget the joys of divorce — sharing your kids without guilt and having alone/me time.

[…]I also have time to exercise, enjoy vacations that are relaxing and involve lots of book-reading, and I have had time to nurture a relationship with my new husband, with fewer of the stresses of blended families.

The idealized state is one in which I outlined in The Myth of the Good Guy:

The problem with this ‘Good Guy’ myth is not because men can’t or wouldn’t want to try to balance women’s Hypergamy for them, but simply because women neither want nor expect that balance in the same man to begin with.

This is a new step in Open Hypergamy, the acknowledgement and proud embrace of women’s Hypergamous sexual strategy is not enough. The open expectation that one man will father and support her children while another will satisfy her sexually and appreciatively is not enough. The plan is literally to raise a young woman to adulthood with the expectation of her raising another child without a father/husband in her life and the child’s. We’re left to presume that the preferred norm for raising boys will be in teaching them it’s their responsibility to accommodate this norm.

The plan is not simply to end the Sandbergian plan for Hypergamy with the “Equal partner, someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.” The plan is to leave that well-providing Beta once he’s been locked into indefinite utility and take up with a sexier husband with fewer parental stresses.

Yet, despite the overtness of women’s Hypergamy, men still have an idealistic hope that the worst predations of women wont happen to them. Read this woman’s post, sift through her other posts; she’s despicable, calculating, duplicitous and would put the knife in your back she told you she would,…but she’s also honest.

Whether by our conditioning or some intrinsic idealism, we want to believe in the earnestness of the Old Set of Books in the face of New Book women openly telling us “You stupid men, this is what we plan to do to you from the outset. Naked, open Hypergamy and all its machinations is what I will teach my daughters and grand daughters to do to your sons and grandsons. And you will take it and accept your Alpha Fucks or Beta Bucks roles in all of it because you’ll never get past your inherent idealism that we might not do all of this.”

We want to believe this woman is an outlier, but by order of degree, we know that whether it’s with softly spoken, loving words or a mommy blog that triumphantly yells these truths, women’s opportunistic concept of love will never align with our idealistic concept of love.

Primary LTRs

The arrangement this woman is hoping will be her daughter’s adult life is not too far different from what YaReally was suggesting about pLTRs; a primary long term relationship with a direct or indirect understanding that a man could take other lovers as fits him. He’s not the first to suggest the pLTR scheme as a workaround for marriage or raising a family sans marriage or binding commitment. And if Emma Johnson (or the reader she’s quoted) is to be believed this would be her own ideal relationship, albeit from the perspective of a woman retaining total Frame control.

Even a PUA like Mystery believed he could maintain a literal harem in some kind of live-in pLTR. And then there are the men who subscribe to the Charles Bukowski school of intersexual relations – in the right socioeconomic conditions this pLTR is realtively possible, but I think this is a poor substitute for what, as men we’d like to be an ideal, reciprocal marriage in which men can expect respect, desire, love, honor and all the other words no woman could ever hope to recite from their marriage vows.

I’ve locked horns with more than a few women who want to take me to task over my debating that human beings are not naturally monogamous. From a social perspective, loose monogamy and women’s inherent need for cuckoldry has always conflicted with our more or less successful human progress based on monogamous marriage. This is changing right along with the latest technologies that afford it to. As such, men are also forced to adapt and improvise with women’s inabilities to process these changes and the rapidity with which the next ones occur.

The old gals always like to tout that western society is the result of our agrarian roots and monogamous way of life. This is ironic since it’s women themselves who’ve fought tooth and nail to destroy exactly this ‘successful’ set up. Ruthless, open Hypergamy is now something to be proud of; something to instruct our daughters to utilize for their own solipsistic, selfish betterment at men’s expense – and to feel no shame for it, but rather expect it as the future norm.

It’s now time for men to either accept and adapt to this, or to form our own response to it in a way that not only benefits our interests, but the interests of women who can no longer process these changes without mens’ direct instruction. In Our Sisters’ Keeper I explored the notion that women of today are merely the women we deserve because men have kept their counsel about the affairs of women. We’ve got the women we deserve because our silence, and the silence of our forbearers, was the voice of complicity. Now we’ve come so far that women will send a man to jail or the unemployment office, or a paternity court rather than hear a man criticize her inability to process social changes that harm not only her but the larger social order.

There must come a point where men must unapologetically correct women for the betterment of society. Today this is a bold statement, one that could likely bring consequences to man’s life, but it’s only a bold thought because we’ve allowed women and their imperatives define the Frame of our social order for so long now. The socio-intersexual conditions we find ourselves in today are the direct result of women’s inability to process rapid social changes. As men we need to collectively recognize this. We need to recognize also that our social state is the result of allowing women to set a social framework that indentures men, that calls single motherhood and Hypergamous choices normative ideals.

We also need to recognize that we will be reviled for presuming some patriarchal control or male privilege, but we must have the confidence to set this aside in the knowledge that we now understand that women cannot cope with post-modern social and technological changes.

	PalmaSailor on Field Reports
	PalmaSailor on Dread Games
	B on Dread Games
	Women Come Pre-Cheat… on The Soul Mate Myth
	having a bad day on Field Reports