Presently I’m putting the final touches on my third book, The Rational Male – Positive Masculinity. I’m now going through the final proofing stages of the print version while I await the reformatting for the digital version. As if that weren’t enough, this time of year tends to be my busiest with regard to promo gigs and brand developments stuff for my “real” job. So if my posts for the next couple of weeks seem a bit sporadic that’s why.
In the midst of this, however, I came across a comment by a long time lurker, Logic, that dovetailed so perfectly with the Afterword of the new book so well that I’ve decided to quote parts of it in the book:
I don’t comment a lot in this blog. However, I think it is important to make a comment that many will probably disagree with but is certainly true for me.
If you ask someone what is the greatest benefit he gained by reading Rollo’s articles, I am sure that you will get various responses:
“I finally got laid”
“I managed to successfully spin plates”
“I understood the true nature of women”
“I stopped giving a fuck and focused on myself (and the women came after)”
…etc
I am sure that all of these are true, not the least reason being that I have experienced these benefits myself.
However, if I may suggest an unpopular opinion, the greatest benefit that one gets from reading Rollo’s article is the fact that you are giving yourself a safety net. And the most important thing in my opinion is that you give yourself this safety net EVEN IF you don’t truly believe what Rollo writes.
If I may elaborate briefly, by safety net I mean LITERALLY safety net. The safety net’s purpose is not for you not to fall. It is for you not to DIE after you have fallen. I believe this is an important distinction (and forgive me Rollo if you have touched on this in one of your articles already). At least for me this is HUGE.
There is a nontrivial probability that you ARE going to fall. Unless you really swear to not EVER feel ANY emotional connection with a woman, then it is highly likely that at some point you WILL fall in love with a girl. Sure, I am positive that many guys will consider that this is something that they can control now that they are Red Pill aware, but you MAY at some point fall in love and you WILL lose your “cool” (btw if you don’t want to call it love call it infatuation; there will be a girl whose combination of laughter, looks, mannerisms and personality will produce this to you; if you want to deny it go ahead and you may be right. But as I said this is just MY humble opinion).
So where does the whole “safety net” come into play? Well, it comes into play when things go south. You WILL loose your cool and she might not notice but then again she also may notice. You will think that this girl is different. Again, it is easy to say that AWALT, but you are not dealing with a bunch of 1s and 0s. It is a human being, standing in front of you, with a personality, with a voice, with interests, opinions and the like. So your brain will tell you that THIS one is different.
And when it turns out that she is not, and she goes cold or dumps you, or cheats on you, then my friend you are going to be JUST FINE. Because you have a safety net. I am not saying that you won’t be sad (you will) but you won’t try to throw yourself under a bridge. The safety net is placed there for a simple reason. The reason is that, in the beginning stages of your infatuation, before you started thinking that she is “not like that”, a little voice inside of you said “You have read about this situation in the Rational Male brother. This may be an illusion. Be careful”.
Yes, you muted that voice for a while, but you never killed it. And when the inevitable happened this little voice came back and said ” Oh well. We knew it. Nothing wrong with giving it a shot. Now let’s move on. Hey check out Little Miss Perkytits at the counter.”
I know that many of you will laugh at this but, to me at least this is a big deal. I also think that the analogy of the safety net is pretty accurate. Even if all of Rollo’s writings hadn’t helped me AT ALL with getting laid, improving myself etc and THE ONLY benefit was gaining that safety net, I think that reading Rollo’s articles would have still bee very much worth it.
I thought this metaphor of a safety net was apt. The history that comes after a man has unplugged himself from his old Blue Pill mindset is in some ways more poignant that what a man does while he is still trapped in his old way of thinking. It’s easier to forgive yourself of the decisions you made in Blue Pill ignorance, but when you become Red Pill aware you own those decisions. As Logic points out, you can only read and absorb what I or any other Red Pill author has to relate to you – at some point you’re going to either consciously or not put this new awareness into practice.
As such you’re bound to make mistakes or false starts. No one makes it on their first jump. It takes time and practice along with an educated Red Pill awareness to internalize and transition into a new way of life. One reason I wrote A New Hope was to help newly unplugged men get past the anger and nihilism stages of unplugging, but also to warn them that the want to achieve the old Blue Pill idealistic hopes will be a strong impulse until they come into a new understanding of Red Pill, realistic, hopes for themselves. In that stage, and even after, there will always be mistakes and falls along the way.
The difference now is that you have a new confidence in the knowledge that Red Pill awareness provides for you. Whereas before you struggled with both a lack of understanding intersexual dynamics and the deliberate misdirection of you ever understanding it, now you have the Red Pill Lens. Now you have a perspective that in most ways insulates you from ever thinking your situation is hopeless. Red Pill awareness provides you with a map and a safety net that allows you to make accurate corrections to your Game, to your relationships and to your life no matter if you fall, no matter your temporary setback. Many a disingenuous critic would have men believe the Red Pill is all about anger or fomenting a belief that men are victims of an unfair system, but what they conveniently ignore is the overwhelmingly positive effect Red Pill awareness has in men’s lives. A great source of confidence comes from a man knowing he’s been emancipated from a Blue Pill paradigm that’s conditioned him to blind himself to its influence.
Reader, and long-time friend, Morpheus responded with this:
Exactly right. All of it!
My 2nd marriage recently ended (about 6 weeks ago my wife left me and informed me she was filing for divorce) and to be honest I’ve sort of surprised myself just how emotionally unaffected I’ve been compared to my first marriage ending (which was before Red Pill, Rollo, and Rational Male). I’ve actually had multiple people comment incredulously at just how well I am doing. I’ve recommitted to a much more intense and frequent workout regimen, and am down about 20 pounds in those 6 weeks.
I credit my Red Pill perspective for enabling me to stay relatively stoic about it all, and refocus on something positive. I think it helps that I realize I haven’t lost my “Soulmate” because that is bullshit to begin with, and that women are fungible at least partly. Don’t get me wrong, I really do feel like I lost by best friend and have times of sadness. It certainly helps to realize that “Little Miss Perktits/Tight Ass/Tighter Wetter Pussy” is out there, and I’ll be fucking her soon enough.
I’d add that my Red Pill perspective also clues me in to what awaits my soon to be ex-wife who is 43 going on 53 in terms of her menopausal stage and very overweight (we started dating when she was 32 with the body of a fitness model). Schadenfreude is probably the wrong term since I don’t actively wish her a horrible experience in the SMP, but I do know she is in for a very rude awakening once she tests the dating waters.
But yeah, you are absolutely right. The fact of the matter is many “Red Pill” guys are going to form strong emotional bonds with women, and it will hurt when those bonds are severed unless you are a psychopath who doesn’t feel emotions like love, affection, etc. But the most powerful thing about the Red Pill perspective is knowing you will be JUST FINE and that truly the world is filled with other female options.
Anyone who’s read my post What’s Your Problem? probably has a good idea of what motivated me to write what I do going on 16 years now, but when I read stories like this and I get emails or Tweets to let me know how what I’ve made men aware of has somehow changed or saved a man’s life it’s always a humbling experience. As I’ve stated in both my books, I’m not in the business of making better men, I’m in the business of helping men become better men themselves. No formulas, no Top Ten Ways to,… lists, just actionable intelligence; but that information still requires a man come to applying it to his own life in a way which works for him.
Even if all Logic gets from my work is the sense of confidence that he has the right intel about how he can better direct his life despite any momentary downside I consider that a success of my intent as a Red Pill writer. When you look at the appalling statistics of male suicide and you understand the correlation of it with the rise of a feminine-primary social order that teaches men to loathe their own gender and accept their superfluousness, knowing that the Red Pill can provide some insulation against it is encouraging. My first reflex when I read a story like that of Morpheus is to presume the man is a suicide risk; his response to his situation is an example of how Red Pill awareness is not just an exercise in warning and preparing men of what to expect, but also a safety net in case a man must deal with the worst.
From the 16 Commandments of Poon
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.
As I get closer to completing whats become a herculean task of finishing this book (it’s now at 340 pages!) I’m taking some time to reflect on what I’ve done not just with this new book, but what I’ve built in the Manosphere for over 15 years now. I may be one of the 3 ‘R’s of the ‘sphere, some might say I’m the godfather of the Red Pill and my work is required reading for the Red Pill Reddit sub, but I’ll never be comfortable with all that so long as there are guys who are still despondent in their Blue Pill paradigm. The Red Pill is ‘open source’ and its strength lies in its decentralized way of openly debating and testing the strength of ideas. I’m humbled that many men have had their lives changed by what I write, but it’s really a testament to their own resolve – all I do is connect dots, remember?
If it’s not too much to ask, for this week’s comment thread I’d like to get some feedback on how the Red Pill has changed your life. Maybe it’s been my work, maybe it’s due to others in the ‘sphere, but as I get closer to finishing book three I wanted to get men’s Red Pill testimonies, so to speak, to help with the summation of the book.
Thanks.
[…] Confidence and the Safety Net […]
I have a medical doctorate and thought I understood human nature well but Rollo’s ideas have blown me away, incredibly insightful. I’m lucky to have a good marriage despite just recently finding his work but they have shed light on past mistakes and have helped me make decisions. I’m quite grateful for his work!
Rollo’s work has changed my life and encourages me to make the effort to make it even better.
The Red Pill brought life back to my marriage once I implemented Dread. I now keep a close watch on my triggers so that I no longer go into a beta rage and am now generally aware of shit tests when they happen. Some of this was because of Rollo’s posts and some because of comments by people on Rollo’s blog.
Really, Rollo’s ideas have helped me so much as regards understanding women that I could write a book about it.
Wow such an honor Rollo! You have helped us all so much! My comment was the result of some observations regarding my own experiences. Since I am a rather introspecting person, when I realized that something had changed in my internal representation of the world and the way I internally reacted to various events, I knew I had to make a comment and share my experience. External changes are awesome; I love how I can now pull of things I never thought possible. But it is by far the internal mental and psychological changes that happened to me that made… Read more »
Your writing has improved my marriage and my personal life. It also helped me to survive the lose of my job and bounce back better than ever.
@Fred that’s good to read.
@Logic
I know that many of you will laugh at this but, to me at least this is a big deal.
nope… that was a GREAT!!! comment… make more…
every comment is like another thread in that safety net… and you never know what it is exactly that helps reach a man on the other side of the computer screen…
good luck!
I might have posted that elsewhere, or even here, but if you had given me the choice to never, ever get laid again and understand what had happened in my life or getting laid and remain clueless I would have chosen the former. To run into a wall again and again and again while I “did everything the right way” was simply insufferable. When I encountered the red pill narrative, my own observations fell neatly into place and I am not entirely sure that women my age foresaw my outlook on live in my 40s when they were in their… Read more »
“I ask not for a lighter burden, but broader shoulders.” The problem with Blue Pill reality is it works great as long as nothing goes wrong. But something will always go wrong. Man plans, and God laughs. The essence of manhood is to bear any load life throws at you, and the Red Pill enables you to do that, at least as far as women are concerned. In all the old myths, women represented chaos, and men represented order. Men create order using their masculine abilities. It can’t be any other way. Your own ability is the ultimate safety net.… Read more »
How has the RP changed me? Before I answer that I will be buying your new book as a show of support. Back to the question… The red pill has taught me how to see what’s actually there, vs. what’s in my head. There’s no more she so hot or smart so need to do XXX to show her I’m different. No more if I just.. Then she will bullshit. I literally feel no pressure, where as prior to taking the rp I felt a ton of pressure when it came to women. The next thing was understanding the realist… Read more »
Rollo, This is my first time commenting here, but I wanted to say how big of an impact your work (and other manosphere/redpill writing) has been on my life. I always had this feeling that I was doing everything wrong in my dating attempts and was frustrated for years. Rewind back to April of this year. I had my 29th birthday and on the last throws of my blue pill stages, everything seemed to line up. I listened to your book (Audible) and it was like I was viewing a painting of my life and where I was fucking everything… Read more »
The red pill has given me a better understanding of reality and what is and isn’t possible, and with that helped me build a better life. You have to work through denial at first, and I still have a lot I want to improve, but it’s opened up the right path. I’m now dating younger and hotter women half my age, able to spin plates as much as I like, and most importantly have a vision for my life and the confidence to go get it. I’m in my early 40’s, wish I discovered it earlier and wish I acted… Read more »
After a long marriage I divorced the mother of my children. A couple of years later, after some casual dating, I met a woman I would come to describe as my soulmate. I got married young – but this time, with all me infinite wisdom gained over the years – I was finally wise enough to pick a woman I was super compatible with. We were together for a few years and even lived together. Things started out great and it was mostly smooth sailing until we moved in together – at which time I slowly allowed myself to be… Read more »
Thanks Rollo! I have told my story here at least twice, so I’ll just summarize what you/RP has done for me: One one saving grace was being very independent and always in control. Pussy whipped men nauseated me completely. Beyond that, I was raised blue pill and completely clueless about game. I came upon Red Pill after an incident where my wife publicly disrespected me and wouldn’t own up to it. I was fixing this or leaving her and through Google (something like “How to dominate your wife”) a new world began to open up. At first I craved actionable… Read more »
Your book will be another required reading. How has TRP and rollo/roosh et al helped me? I grew up a well functioning sports mad kid who for all intents and purposes fit in well. With one caveat. I grew up with a single mother. She did what she could but this dynamic regardless of how hard the mother tries always leaves gaps. My mother also developed schizophrenia and other nervous/paranoid conditions well before my teens. She in essence became a non functioning, completely medicated, guardian by signature only. As a result my teens and early to mid adulthood were a… Read more »
@ReaderX – Glad you’re still around dude. I’ve got to say that’s one of the most powerful comments I’ve read here. This kind of thing is what I think about when I see articles about the Red Pill like that one Rollo just posted on Twitter, or I occasionally see RP sites linked and laughed at on other discussion sites I’m on for my work, and RP men called misogynists and worse. This place is a safe haven for me – not just Rollo’s posts, but also the community of men who hang out here, and from whom I’ve had… Read more »
@ReaderX
Glad you found TRM.
Yeah, that soulmate thing….I used to believe that utter bullshit too.
Hang in there, and don’t be a stranger.
When I first encountered Rollo’s writing, I remember that I recoiled in disgust, despondent at the thought of someone seeing women as anything but delicate, sensitive, and in need of protection. I was unwilling to admit to myself that I was here, on Rollo’s blog, reading his posts because my idealization of women (something I had been taught was appropriate my whole life), was in fact a scam, a ruse. I was reading The Rational male because I had been burnt, and discarded, without understanding why, or what I could have done differently. Not anymore. Now I know. Several years… Read more »
Its been 3 weeks for me and all I can say is “what a ride”. Have made the typical mistake of trying to explain all this to the “delicate flower” I call wifey. She reckons I have always been alpha but little does she know she has been sub consciously shit testing me for 14 years and I have failed miserably 90% of the time and as a result have been betaised. I know realise that this has been the major source of ALL my frustrations to date. I remember the early days when she would have the highest respect… Read more »
One of the biggest mind liberating experience after reading Rollo’s work is you can now put thoughts in your emotional experiences or as Rollo puts it, “You can see glitches in the matrix but never point out”. One of the aspects of safety net recently was my recent plate who ghosted on me recently. I was a bit sad but was fine and was able to pull myself with so much ease…why? Coz now ur emotions in a new set of circumstances with a new women can be explained by a set of theoretical words. Such is the magic of… Read more »
Hey Rollo: Long time lurker.. first time commenter. I’ve read both your books and I’m very excited for the third. I think you have coined a great term with positive masculinity. It’s super important to keep a positive attitude and keep your head held high. Men have always known deep down what they’re capable of when they put in the effort. It’s hard to describe but it’s that gut feeling all men get. It’s something primal. Spurring you on. Telling you to take warning or telling you to take action. Listen to it. I think it takes young men some… Read more »
Good comment….I think too often The Res Pill is seen as a transition art state before getting into a “better” reltionship. The idea of a “safety net” is an insurance policy against the kind of set backs that often come with getting involved with women. I adopted this safety net concept during my last involvement with a girl who was banging me regularly and Pushing for some sort of exclusivity all the while running around with dudes including two of my “friends”. There was the malingering…I recognised all the red flags and after a while was there for the ride… Read more »
The rational male was my first step into a whole new life, being so desperate after i got cheated on and dumped after i was 9y with a flake, pitty social programming. It as now been 5 years i am still single, i started living when i stop thinking about THE ONE, stop giving a fuck, at 45 i train everyday, i dress super, i groom and take care of myself, and i get hit on by 25y old women go figure, i guess that being older turns some of them on. When you realize all of this, its priceless,… Read more »
I grew to 6’3 by the age of 15 weiging 115kg. My dad had another family we didn’t know about so I never had the chance to learn about girls or guns, mechanics or fixing shit. I was picked on in High School by smaller kids because I didn’t know how to fight. (still don’t, after my surgery recovery i’m signing up for Krav Maga). I got married, she got fat, treated me like shit, and then we divorced. No kids. Finding TRP couple years ago, and then Rollo’s blog, change my life. 4yrs later I broke off my LTR… Read more »
As a 24-year-old, it’s a strange realization that I’ve had some, albeit surface level, exposure to red pill ideology for almost a third of my life. At 16 and despondent over a breakup, I googled “how to get girls” or something equally inane and fell upon the PUA community, which ignited the spark. However, it wasn’t until November of 2015 that I discovered TRM (after many more years of running around like a chicken with its head cut off) and the fire was truly ignited. My utmost thanks to you, Rollo, and the other regulars on the site for the… Read more »
Have read and absorbed Rollo for years now, I’m an older dude (56) and the best summary I can make of how this has helped me is:
I now understand what is happening and why it is happening in my relations with women.. just like most things when you know the cause you can come up with solutions. Not being bewildered anymore is the greatest gift. Thanks Rollo!
@ReaderX – wow, this one punched me so hard I teared-up each time I read it: “The biggest price to pay in the divorce wasn’t money or stress or love. It was the loss of all the people. People who were important to me even if I wasn’t as important to them.” Overnight, good people I considered family now weren’t. I’d known these people a third of my life (a long time). To make it worse, I know that I was vilified by the ex. I haven’t been able to get over this part yet. As brutal as it is… Read more »
Rollo I lost 6 people to suicide last year 5 of them where male, your work pulled me back from me that and got me into serving myself while gaining self confidence and taking my childhood trauma and transforming it into creative aggression. After losing Patrick last than Blake than Nathan and Thomas I felt Sad and not as lonely. I found that i have a savior complex. A Moral ground of how things “Should be” but never how they are. I can’t change anything other myself. Your work is the filling’s of not having a farther or any male… Read more »
I meant to also write that on the family on my ex’s side, at most they lost a single relative-by-marriage, not blood. From my end, I lost dozens of family members in a single swoop…. by going all-in on on the BP dream. Dumbfuck move. But now I’ll know better for the next go-round.
Thanks Rollo for all you’ve done and will do. Seriously, you’ve done more to better mankind than 99.9% of any humblebragging politician or religious spokesman.
Reader X’s comment should be engraved on steel framed on titanium and nailed forever onto the first page of the manosphere.
TRM has enhanced my life and options tremendously. I was always naturally RP, but now get it internally and philosophically. Never married but sired 3 by 2 moms. Now have grands. At 62, pulling in ladies half that age means I get to skip the early 20 year olds. Guys fishing in those waters place too much emphasis on the youth of these sluts. It’s far better they settle down a bit. Believe it or not, many post-carousel chicks are just growing up. I could care less about their history. Some of these early 30 chicks experience a renaissance as… Read more »
Long time reader, first comment on the site. Your writing helped me understand women for the first time in my life many years ago. I’m a naturally analytical guy, but I was also straitforeward with my thinking and very blue pill in highschool and college. Once I stayed up a couple of nights strait, reading all of the “Best of Year One.” I knew what I had to do. I broke up with my gf of 3 years, who as wonderful as she was as a friend took up far too much of my time and emotional energy. Freeing myself… Read more »
In my opinion, the Red Pill is the only emotionally sustainable way for men to interact with women. I just yesterday ended a 1 year LTR, a few days after the anniversary, and without Rollo’s work I would not have had the resolve to navigate the break up and stand my ground on standards that had been infringed. I had discovered Red Pill before the relationship, and was consistently surprised at the accuracy with which Rollo’s observations matched my previous failings and new interactions with women. True to form, everything has held up through the break up process. Add this… Read more »
I must admit that my life has not changed much outwardly but my view of the world has. I have become more conscious of things like male-female smv chart, the wall, the epiphany, the Myth of The One, abundance metality, dread and a lot of other deep stuff. I think this has changed my inner self significantly. The other day I caught myself laughing like a damn fool when a girl who had travelled almost 300 clicks to “see” me said that “I was not having sex today.” Genuine, unrestrained, healthy bawl of mirth. I said, “Sure, none today. What… Read more »
I was Red Pill aware… then my marriage fell apart and I am now divorced. While I am still rebuilding The Red Pill has served as both a framework and foundation for how I live my life going forward.
Very much looking forward to your new book. I have three daughters and a son, all under the age of 8.
This is my first post on this blog, but I have been reading it for at least two years. I actually bought the book before I ever read the blog. It sat on my bookshelf for at least a year after I had bought it on amazon, and I remember always tossing up whether to read it before another title. In hindsight, I wish I had read it immediately, because my eyes were opened as a result of its contents. I read it in two days – on the bus, in bed, on the toilet. I couldn’t put it down.… Read more »
Each time I fall, I pick up Rollo’s two books to read a chapter or two. For guidance, reassurance and insights. I always get frustrated, angry and sad when I can actually see why I fell: 90% of the time it’s because of being beta. But the most painful thing of all is I have to accept I will lose a girl, and I can’t use the knowledge to ‘fix’ the situation. I can only be used for a similar situation in the future. Knowing is half the battle, but a next battle that is. Without your teachings Rollo i… Read more »
Hello Rollo and fellow men. I discovered the Red Pill after my now ex-wife left me for an older bad boy from her slutty past. I was in shambles and TRM helped me piece myself back together. As I look back I barely recognize (with disgust) the blue-pill schlob I used to be. I am carved in stone now. My life is better than I could have ever hoped for, and this is in no small part thanks to you Rollo. Keep saving lives, we will keep spreading the word. I have red-pilled at least five close friends that have… Read more »
Here’s what distinguishes Rollo from his peers in The Red Pill community. Rollo defines each gender’s sexual strategy (AF/BF for women, sprinkler for men). Phenomena are properly identified in the contexts of these sexual strategies. For example, an intuitive aversion to prostitution as unethical is recognized within the context of how prostitution would affect supply/demand of sex. Another example, success of one gender’s sexual strategy requires compromise of the other’s (for a man to “get the girl”, the girl must not get a better man). A Blue Pill beta who is unwilling to force others to compromise their best interest… Read more »
I’m following the red pill universal principles and internalised many of them to my bones. I’m basically Living my life and spinning my plates. I have almost develop Oneitis for one girl, but she merely a special plate for me now. Knowing her is an Alfa Widow keeps me away fm letting my self fall in trap. I have developed my Game significantly started to getting laid every singly day by another woman. That alone boosts my confidence sky-high. I still feel weak fm time to time against women, but now I just come back to the Blog to resharpen… Read more »
I stumbled across Rollo’s work. Don’t quite remember how I found it. The Rational Male book has been with me ever since on my post-marriage journey. I was watching my long marriage implode. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. I started looking for answers. What could I do to prevent the ending? I tried all the tricks in the beta game to no avail. I thought these things worked. Paying more attention to her, buying her tokens of appreciation, romantic guestures, fixing her shit. Flowers, jewelry. If I do all these things and more, then won’t… Read more »
For me TRM/ the red pill has given me the following. 1. An understanding that your success with women is largely a consequence of your lifestyle ( it’s not who you are it’s what you are that attracts her). 2. An understanding of the true nature of women, I now no longer idealise them I just enjoy them for what they are. I like the way that women measure me as a man they provide constant feedback as to where you are on your red pill journey. 3. FREEDOM Being your own mental point of origin is very liberating. 4.… Read more »
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Hello Guys, First time commenter here. I’m a 26 year old guy writing from you from Hungary. Rollo is one of those figures who changed my way of looking at women, next to David Deida (Way of The Superior Man), combining these two books I can see what is going on in this world. My story is that I have a beta father who is a typical nice guy, he is very sweet and caring, but my mother is a manipulative princess. She didn’t work a lot in her life, mostly my father took care of us. I have an… Read more »
I discovered this blog, as well as the other R’s, after leaving a 12-year relationship because of a dead bedroom. A shame, because with this knowledge I could have either saved the relationship or abandoned ship some years earlier and save myself a lot of time and grief. It didn’t “save me” as such because I was so hungry I launched headfirst into Tinder even before I discovered the manosphere and was spinning plates before I knew exactly what was going on. What you did for me was set me up to never go down that path again. I might… Read more »
First of all, I owe Rollo and enormous debt of gratitude. I don’t think a cliché like ‘life-changing’ really does justice to the change in mindset that I experienced after reading the ‘Rational Male’ book. Looking back, I curse myself that I couldn’t figure it out on my own; I was painfully aware that something wasn’t quite right, but just couldn’t connect the dots. I discovered TRP and the Rational Male in my early 30s. I wasn’t a virgin but I’d gone through my teens and 20s almost dateless. As someone who’s generally regarded as decent looking, and had a… Read more »
How has TRP changed my life? It finally makes things make sense. When I was….oh, 23? 24? I had a bad breakup. I was *the* nice guy. I was taken for granted, so I moved out. She….did things….that basically amounted to emotional rape (no details, I value my anonymity). I cried, naked, drunk, and alone, in the dark, for a few months. Then I got angry. I said and did whatever the fuck I wanted, wherever I wanted, no regrets or apologies (which, looking back, was a crude form of frame control). I got more ass than a toilet seat.… Read more »
The “Red Pill” awareness and knowledge has allowed me to greatly improve my life. This solid base also equips me to learn even more from future experiences and observations. The main source for me was without a doubt the Rational Male, particularly the “Best of” compilations. The information is presented in a very rational manner which helps seeing how it matches reality. I think it is also important that topics such as politics and religion are mostly avoided. I want to mention also the community, in the comments sections. The community is a great assistance in my continued learning, which… Read more »
“f I may elaborate briefly, by safety net I mean LITERALLY safety net. The safety net’s purpose is not for you not to fall. It is for you not to DIE after you have fallen. I believe this is an important distinction (and forgive me Rollo if you have touched on this in one of your articles already). At least for me this is HUGE. There is a nontrivial probability that you ARE going to fall. Unless you really swear to not EVER feel ANY emotional connection with a woman, then it is highly likely that at some point you… Read more »
I discovered this blog at a time when I committed myself to the Blue Pill idealism of identifying with women, being a provisional Beta trying to woo a woman 5 years older than me (I was 27 at the time). Needless to say I failed and this woman subsequently married an older and in context more established male and I felt like my world crashed down. Having being awakened to the Red Pill after searching for answers to my failures and finding it in Rollo’s writing, I am just happy for the fact that there is a community out there… Read more »
Frame, killing the beta, oneitis, pedestal and mental point of origin are still hurdles for me but knowing what the hurdles are is half the battle. Alpha fucks, beta bucks and epiphany stage were the real eye openers, Rollo saved me from the post wall vultures circling for a soft landing for Mr He’ll Do For Now. Being on the spectrum and severely lacking social intelligence I was ripe pickings for the more astute post wallers, they’re like sharks they can smell the suckers in the waters. Women who wouldn’t have a bar of me for 20 years are now… Read more »
At age 56 I could have stayed in my dead-bedroom relationship until the end, but I got pissed one day after my stepfather was diagnosed with concurrent lung cancer and a massive stroke. I just uped and left. Dating after that was ok but after growing up as a Nice Guy I was on a quest to discover the language of humans at the sexual level – how do I communicate effectively to a woman I want to fuck her. A mention of TRM on an okcupid forum post brought me here and the Revelation started. I devoured the archives.… Read more »
Much gratitude to your dedication, intelligence & consistency over many years, Rollo. I’ve always been good with women, lots of much younger lovers and having never married or bred, have always led a free-wheeling bachelor’s life. What the manosphere and your writings in particular have given me is greater understanding & clarity in my own journey as an independent man in this feminine-centric society we live in. Exposing this feminine-centric society especially has been vital and totally turned my perspective around. I may have pedestalized women at times in the past, but not now. I tested all the RP teachings… Read more »
I think the best post you ever wrote is There Is No One. Once the soul mate myth is destroyed in a man’s life, he can move on to better things. Also, you wrote, “A man should never consider a LTR until he has experienced abundance.”
I have never experienced abundance in my life and I’m 40 years old, so it’s safe to say I’ll never consider a LTR with any woman.
The SMV chart was very helpful too. Thanks, Rollo.
Your blog has helped me finally to make sense of the differences between men and women that we see all around us every day, but which few voices in the mainstream media or academia have been able or willing to describe accurately. I appreciate how you present the Red Pill as not cynical or immoral, but as an objective description of what motivates men and women on a deep-rooted biological level. That knowledge can be used for good or for evil. Your blog has made me a realist about what to expect from my relationships with women in my life,… Read more »
How has TRP changed my life? First it saved my life and now I am able to see the Matrix …not pretty but essential for a better life. Rollo, my deep gratitude for your work and commitment. Words can hardly describe what you and the comments of many followers have done for me. I am 43 years old and from Germany and hit the ground last year after a 14 Year LTR with house and two kids. I lost my “mate and lover”, everyday life with my kids and the house. After a hint from my brother I was reading… Read more »
All of you guys are posting some great, great comments.
Thank you.
Rollo: you were right to expand upon Logic‘s comment as it was and is a gem. And I just get the article picture this time around.
To the frank and sincere testimonials here I can add nothing but: J. Peterson points out the majority of information we observe is discarded as irrelevant. In essence, TRM / RP gave me permission, as it were, to “see” the dots again. “Permission” is not the best word; “encourage” is far better given the word’s etymology.
Thank you & Cheers!
I’m 45 and so I learned about women before the internet was around. We did it by watching guys who were really great with women and trying to emulate their tactics, but often without really understanding the underlying motive behind the technique. I was lucky in that my job as a rafting guide afforded me access to lots of high SMV chicks, but I also observed how even in that environment some of the guides couldn’t get laid to save themselves. I discovered Rollo’s blog about 6 years ago now, and for me the experience was not so much of… Read more »
@The Solitary Silver FoX
Let us know when your blog gets off the ground.
Might be an interesting read for us OSGs
A year ago, my wife, while on an apprenticeship in Europe, announced to me that she had met another man and was leaving me for him. The announcement came the day before I was to fly there to meet her for a two week holiday. We had been together for 8 years. By providence, a friend of mine was an avid reader of your blogs and many others. He had been a vocal apostle for many months before and was feeding me brief synthesis of everything red pill. Two days after the bad news (did not get on that plane… Read more »
Rollo I’d love to give more feedback, but I think my series of comments since my divorce aptly shows the trail of how I applied the RP in my post divorce life (3 years next month).. And it all leads to the same exact conclusion as Logic’s, which I shared last week. It’s a state of Zen that allows us to fully enjoy a woman in all aspects, without the weak underbelly that she can exploit. Safety net is a good analogy, because yes, it does still hurt to lose someone you love. The two in the kitty, if you… Read more »
What I’ve found most useful about your writing, Rollo, is the systematization of things, the putting together of things in a way that is coherent and useful. I was in the manopshere and around the “red pill” for quite a few years before becoming more familiar with your site, as you know. The basic ideas were familiar to me. But the great value add here is the tying together of things, the placing things in a broader systemic context, and the recapitulation of them in that vein. This is extremely useful, both from a conceptual and a practical/life point of… Read more »
First time poster, but long time lurker. How did the Red Pill change my life? I was pretty much always an introvert. Throughout middle and high school I had no idea how to talk to girls. No clue how they operated. I was either a “creep” or eventually I became the really nice guy. We know what that means. I was your classic beta. While I was strongly against feminism, I was a pretty big white knight too. I never saw the whole picture but I was on my way. Throughout high school I had my ONEitis who didn’t like… Read more »
@Curaitis
You are on your way brother. It’s what you do in the aftermath that really defines your progress. This was necessary.. now make a few simple changes and keep your eye out for the next one.
because this was the one of a kind experience
No sir, it was not. It was one of many to come. Let me know if the next one is even more enthralling.
Taught me how to stop being a shlub, to take life by the balls and not get preoccupied with pleasantries and etiquette. Gave me the confidence to walk away from girls who frustrate me, knowing that I can generate options. Taught me to be a lil rougher with them in the bedroom, especially during the proliferative phase. Taught me that I’m the one in control, but that I’d been ceding that control to women to my own detriment. After my shift in MPO I’m better with women, better at sports and more confident in my work and everyday interactions. When… Read more »
@Rollo
I’ve noticed you post your books’ reviews on twitter. I’m not sure if you know this, but there are reviews in the non english(de, fr, uk, etc) amazon sites. Maybe this could help you spread the word more.
Every single time I read Rollo’s blog TRM,I am amazed at how so many of today’s societal and cultural problems reside in something as simple as misunderstood gender dynamics. I will be eternally grateful to Rollo and his faithful commenters for the insight they have given me into my own life’s set of figures. Really who would think that the simple misdirection of biological gender norms could cause so many problems throughout modern society,that get blamed on various things snowballing into chaos,well maybe not that bad but it makes me think. “The Blue Pill” (Noasatall) Vs. “The Red Pill” (… Read more »
Hello from Turkey. About 2.5 years ago I had posted to Reddit about my wife threatening to divorce me. Even though I had a basic understanding of Redpill, I understood that I was beyond the point of return for saving the marriage. We divorced, I have custody of my 10 year old son, and no alimony payments . After a while I started writing, on a very popular Turkish forum similar to Reddit . My way of making sense of all of it was writing about what I read about the redpill, my own experience, others that replied back to… Read more »
Everything’s been well covered but I’ll emphasize the value I’ve received from the fact that this “place” TRM, exists at all. Rollo puts the knowledge out there worldwide and free of charge, plus has created a forum where men can exchange ideas, challenge and encourage each other on subject matter that generally cannot be discussed anywhere else. He could have kept it to himself, used it solely for self-advancement, and left the AFCs to flounder. Read all the stories above to imagine the effects of that. Now we know other men saw it too, couldn’t figure the angles same as… Read more »
Let me speak for the married dudes with kids who find themselves in marriages they got themselves into while they were blue pill. Imagine you finding an email from your wife to her mother stating that she was scared for her safety (bullshit charge setting the stage for her narrative to leave) and would leave with the kids soon. Imagine taking what you learned from Rollo and being able to be quite happy living in the same house with her, being able to make her happier than she’s been in years, and getting more ass than before. You know the… Read more »
” I’d like to get some feedback on how the Red Pill has changed your life.”
It’s been the confirmatory diligence that has allowed me to accept life as I have (mostly) always viewed it – in a much more natural state – vs. trying laboriously to back fit everything into a BP/Golden Rule paradigm and not feel absurd, lonely, depressed, angry and confused.
Damn guys, thanks. I aint gonna lie, some of these testimonies (anonymously) might make the inside cover teaser for book 3.
I live in San Francisco, having moved the family from NY about 8 years ago. Within 4 years of our move, my wife filed for divorce. Rollo, your stuff, and the rest of the manosphere, has totally saved me. I wish this information was taught to all boys in middle school or high school. It’s value to the lives of men is more important than any other subject currently taught. As a result of the divorce, the lives of my three boys have been about 50% crushed for these past four years. Failing grades, truancy, parental alienation (I’ve only seen… Read more »
theRationalMale helped me to jailbreak my bluepill “one day she’ll love me” rapture. Like all DIY Jailbreaks, it seemed daunting and impossible, but I’m good. The firmware update works, mostly. Society hates me. Thank you.
Thank you for your work Rollo! TRP is fairly new to me but have loved reading your books and gaining new awareness and understanding in reflecting on my own experience with hypergamy and a most unfortunate Beta story. It’s almost comical looking back, as you could have almost predicted what was about to happen in my own journey. I was the typical narcissistic prick with little game but with options. She was the sweet, beautiful NAWALT that I began dating in high school. I partied, she chased. I played, she stayed. We dated for 6 years or so as she… Read more »
Longtime lurker and reader- No words can fully express the impact, but in a nutshell, my grandpa’s dad died in Germany when he was an infant, then raised in a large family by a single mom. Certain manosphere-known patterns got passed down to me through my dad. My mom was an overbearing sociopath type, dad defeated and vacant. I had very little, actually zero guidance, and made disastrous decisions with women and was mired in severe depression and misery leading to a long period of drug and alcohol use and peaking with a mental breakdown. My life began to, and… Read more »
The best thing I got out of TRP was the habit of challenging my beliefs and social conditioning. It put me on the path to understanding shit about who I am, who WE are, why we’re here, and what will lead to a fulfilling life. Unfortunately it seems that most people want to replace Blue Pill ideals, beliefs, assumptions and conditioning with “Red Pill” ideals, beliefs, assumptions and conditioning. Ideals, beliefs and assumptions are your little blankie to cuddle with when things get scary. Don’t trade the blue blankie for the red blankie. It’s going to let you down just… Read more »
lol.
again.
TRP made me hate people (both men and women). It made me see everyone as ennemies that want my ressources or hurt me out of evilness. And it made me understand I can’t trust anyone.
It altered my social life significantly and in a negative way.
Rollo: Your best writings are, by far: The Medium Is the Message Just Get It War Brides How has The Red Pill changed my life? A tad over 6 years ago, I was your typical middle aged average frustrated chump, having vanilla missionary sex every 3 weeks or so with a wife who could barely conceal her contempt for me. So one day i was at work, reading some political blog during lunch, when I happened on an article talking about the 2011 Kay Hymowitz book, the title of which escapes me. I think it was Hymowitz herself writing in… Read more »
When I got the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” after four kids and twenty years of marriage, I was a mess. I proceeded to do everything wrong that could possibly be done wrong to save the train wreck that my life became. Didn’t matter, the train jumped the tracks when she cheated. I moved out right before Christmas. That first Christmas Eve without my kids I almost beat the fuck out of a guy that cut me off in a Home Depot Parking lot. It was the lowest point of my life. Not sure how… Read more »
First time poster on here. I have only recently found Rollo’s work and it has LITERALLY saved my life. After being a BP husband for 20 years with three kids, my wife cheated on me in a year long affair. My BP self understood the rationalization my wife gave me behind it but I could never fully explain it and understand it myself. Let alone fix the marriage. I tried every BP solution imaginable. Everything the articles said, every top 10 list, hell even things she said she needed and worse of all everything the marriage counselor said. I was… Read more »
“I KNEW it. I just KNEW something was wrong.”
yup.
I’ve been a reader of Roissy since I found it in college in 2009 and found this blog about 6 months into its inception. I also found Barbarossa and the old Stardusk before he went too technical and abstract. The information found in this have lowered my blood pressure immensely and nothing gets me worked up regarding women any longer. I also don’t think I could ever fall in love with a girl again either knowing what I know but that is perfectly ok with me. I still enjoy their company and sex and am in a relationship but if… Read more »
Though I found Athol Kay first The Rational Male is what really awakened me to how things work. Though I still don’t like a lot of what makes up my marriage I at least understand it. I no longer fear making her mad. Reality is she’s going to get mad at me on occasion. That is on her unless I truly fuck up, and if I do I own it. Once again I allow myself to do things that are just for ME. Tomorrow I leave for a week long motorcycle trip. Alone. For ME. Before I’d have felt guilty… Read more »
@ DisgruntledEarthling Cheers for your interest. I’m currently free-form writing about my experiences with women and life in general, trying not to edit my stream of consciousness. I’ve led a more non-mainstream life for most of my adult life, so have escaped the draining commitment of marriage, career and kids whilst still enjoying the company of many mainly younger women over the journey. Now at a healthy 51 i’m in the best headspace of my life (quitting alcohol for the most is something i highly recommend) and moving forward with great contentment and still much to create, learn and achieve.… Read more »
Safety nets are only needed by those in danger. The man who,really understands, comprehends and ,most importantly, accepts red pill truths has no need for a safety net. He is no in danger because he is prepared, developed and mature enough to live without one. You either swallow the red pill or you don’t.
Rollo, Long time lurker , first time comment.I found the red pill in 2012 right after escaping an engagement to a BPD ex. Quickly swept through numerous site/blogs. The three Rs, So Suave.. I just have to say, as an INTJ ,self described mostly lesser alpha. with plenty of unrealized BP ideals, once I started digging into your sidebar and old posts, I was here daily. Your writing speaks to the truths I have subconsciously known , but has expanded upon and explained them in a depth I never could put together.Like the RP Buddha .I feel like part of… Read more »
@theDeti:
>And, holy shit, IT HAPPENED TO OTHER GUYS TOO. I’m not alone. And I’m not crazy either. Something IS wrong. Something is REALLY, REALLY wrong. And I’m not the only man who’s seen it.
In Real Life…most of the guys I know wouldn’t know how to offer proper context or advice on how to handle a variety of these situation—let alone explain the motivations behind them.
Rollo, your blog and books are by far the most logically concise description of the reality of relationships in the manosphere. I originally found Dalrock through an instapundit link, and then found my way here. The first few months I just read everything I could; there was so much information and it was so obvious that everyone had been lying to me for years. You explained why my wife was not interested in me anymore and what to do. It was hard to take; that old idealistic dream is hard to let go of, but I did, eventually. I kept… Read more »
Rollo Echoing the thanks of other posters it would be an exaggeration to say that you saved my life but you definitely changed it for the better.
As a somewhat natural who became betatised during a BPD marriage and then suffered a severe case of oneitis about 4 years ago TRM has helped me make sense of things and put me back on the path I need to be.
I’m sure for some of the men on here it has been a true “life saver” and for that we are in your debt.
[…] has a great post up at The Rational Male titled Confidence and the safety net. Ostensibly it’s about how understanding red pill awareness gives a man an emotional and […]
I needed this so bad. I constantly spoke with myself after taking the red pill and asking how do I stop caring. I spin multiple plates and in that I see what Rollo speaks on my confidence level remains high. Even during so coming across one hot girl after the next I’m always pulling myself back from the feeling I should value the hottest more than the others as if there won’t be another. I’ve kept myself under control and I see it’s simply a growing experience. If I’m lucky going to the 21 Convention I’ll have the opportunity to… Read more »
The essence that can be distilled from all these comments here is: your wisdom grants us a framework to deal with all the experiences (especially with women) that puzzled us or didn’t make sense at all. Every reader now can process former and coming incidents and learn from them in a way that was not possible before.
That is the same for me and therefore: Keep on rockin!!!
@THe Solitary Silver FoX I’m 58 going on 41… I woke up rather late in life, after blowing up my 28-year ltr. 2 grown kids. I’m kinda lucky since I’m one of those fore-ever immature young boyish men and have kept in shape. Never a woman chaser and that’s a really hard thing to change. These days I just want to experience a healthy sexuality before my gear shrivels up and stop working. There’s not a lot of people like me in the ‘sphere. Rollo’s writings and the OMG here are the nearest things to my experience (except for the… Read more »
Rollo I thought that it was strange that in relationships I had to “force” myself to be the “good” boyfriend/husband that society said that I needed to be. I was always treated way better by women when I went against the grain and was not quite committed. Living the blue pill life was frustrating and confusing for me, and thanks to your blog, I see that a lot of men share the same experiences. I’m married over 30 years and while I don’t spin plates any more, I know that I could if I needed to do it. As a… Read more »
“I KNEW it. I just KNEW something was wrong.” Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you’re feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Neo: You could say that. Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo? Neo: No. Morpheus: Why not? Neo: Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my life. Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me… Read more »
If I were to be honest, I’d say Red Pill knowledge kept me from eventual suicide. It wasn’t just the blue pill that put me in that mental state all by itself. No for that I required some very neglectful parenting, and some pretty bad ideas from a church that were stuck in my head. And to be truthful, I wasn’t at all close to suicide to begin with. I hadn’t seriously thought about it. I didn’t own any weapons (at the time), had no ammunition, etc.. But I knew the path I was on. I’m not spinning plates and… Read more »
I feel the same way. I tend to play future cutscenes of horror in my mind a little too often than I should. Knowing that it is not healthy, I distract myself with the gym, work assignments or a ride on the motorcycle. What if she cheats on me, divorces me, takes the kids, leaves me in financial ruin? Will I decide to suck the delivery end of the Mossberg 500 to make the pain end? Or do I get up acknowledging I was always aware of this possibility, brush it off and move forward? This awareness helps me move… Read more »