If youtube isn’t your thing you can get the audio archive here.
I managed to get some time with Niko once again yesterday. He was kind enough to stay up late and get a talk in for another installment of our semi-regular podcast The Red Pill Monthly (more like bi-monthly recently).
I really liked this one because we delved into some new stuff about Frame and the importance of establishing and maintaining a solid sense of self and purpose in all aspects of a man’s life, but focusing on the interpersonal and intersexual importance of Frame.
The concept of Frame is not my original idea, it’s actually derived from interpersonal psychology. However, way back in my early days at SoSuave I made the connection to the psychological principle and what PUAs of the time were advocating as a means to control in seduction. I begin my Iron Rules of Tomassi with Frame because I’ve always felt that everything else in seduction, and life in general, hinges upon the realities we create for ourselves.
The pop-cultural term for it today is ‘mindset’, but I feel the concept of Frame extends beyond what’s generally a retreading of The Power of Positive Thinking that’s being promoted as mindset now. It certainly plays a part in the entirety of holding Frame, but the overall establishment of Frame with a woman, with other men, with your family or with your employer requires an art that extends past just how one thinks of himself.
Iron Rule of Tomassi #1
Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.
The concept of “frame” is yet another ephemeral idea that had need of a term in the very beginnings of the great masculine awakening that’s become the ‘community’. If memory serves I think it may have been Mystery who first picked up on what’s really a very rudimentary and well established psychological principle. In psych terms, frame is an often subconscious, mutually acknowledged personal narrative under which auspices people will be influenced. One’s capacity for personal decisions, choices for well-being, emotional investments, religious beliefs and political persuasions (amongst many others) are all influenced and biased by the psychological narrative ‘framework’ under which we are most apt to accept as normalcy.
Rather than go into too much depth here I’ll just encourage you to listen to the podcast and we’ll have an open comments thread about Frame. I think it’s good to review some older principles, not just for the benefit of newly Red Pill aware men, but also because I think it’s good to reconsider these ‘standards’ from a perspective of time and where we are as a Red Pill community today.
Frame, and understanding its importance, is the foundation of dozens of other Red Pill principles and applications. As most of my readers know, I try to avoid specific prescriptive advice. I’m not in the business of telling men how to live their lives with formulaic step-by-step Red Pill templates. The Red Pill isn’t one-size-fits-all and men need to interpret their Red Pill awareness according to their personalities, cultural context, social situations and personal beliefs.
That said, in the coming months I will be offering some more generalized, prescriptive ideas or suggestions as to how I feel men might apply certain Red Pill principles in their lives. The 9 Iron Rules are about as close as I come to prescriptive advice, and while I’m not in the business of making ‘Rational Male Men’, after reviewing them with Niko I think that some generalized advice according to Red Pill awareness might be something in the offing.
So, let me know what you think about this ideas as well as any questions or input you have about Frame once you’ve listened to our talk. It runs about an hour and a half. I’m also toying with the idea of discussing each of the Iron Rules in the coming RPM podcasts. Let me know if that’s something you’d be interested in listening to.
Enjoy!
[…] The Red Pill Monthly – Frame […]
[…] The Red Pill Monthly – Frame […]
Is the podcast available in another format other than YouTube? I’d rather have streaming audio as opposed to having to keep a YouTube video open to be able to listen. It drains battery and doesn’t allow me to use my phone for anything else while I listen.
If the podcast is available through iTunes that would be awesome. Everyone could just use the default podcast app to listen.
Thanks.
If a girl your seeing and have been fucking ditches you 3 nights in a row literally an hour before your supposed to hang out. Im assuming were definitly operating in her frame and shes thinking Im making myself too available to her. What is the best way to react to a situation like this??
Thanks
Shouldn’t have given her a third chance. Second chance is sometimes ok if you think she has a legit excuse for why she didn’t show up. If she doesn’t show up the second time then you know she isn’t interested and you should move on. To prevent this from happening in the future you should work on your game so that when you tell her you want to meet up her interest level is high and she’ll actually want to meet up with you. Also, most of your texts should be about logistics. Here’s how I usually do it: Me:… Read more »
@Korin,…
https://therationalmale.com/2012/01/19/next/
If possible, please create a transcript. I can read much, much faster than I can hear people talking. My question is – how do you build a strong frame? And in particular, a strong frame with women? I have an ultra-strong frame in everything else in my life – professional, intellectual, ideological – and ZFG if anyone disagrees with me. But once I start dealing with women, son of a bitch I get sucked into their frame every time. (The root cause of this problem, and I am sure this is often the case, is I was raised by a… Read more »
Korin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abrn8aVQ76Q
Don’t be this guy in the song…
The popularity of this song signaled a weakened Weltanschauung for the nation – a celebration of one’s brokenness, instead of an affirmation of masculine strength.
@korin
Next her
Would appreciate another source as well, other than youtube as it is blocked at work and I tend to listen to podcasts at work… using droid based tools such as castbox to capture to the device for offline listening while working…
I’ll start looking into Soundcloud, maybe Niko can provide.
Well since you guys want audio only and don’t want to check my beautiful graphics, check the audio only version here:
https://archive.org/details/TheRPMWithRolloNikoFrame
😉
the Rollo vinyl figure looks like roosh, just sayin
Rollo.
While I appreciate alot of your works there is big difference between
reading your article and listening 1.5-3 hours talk.
Compare this what I am just listening to Tom Leykis modus of operandi, make a show, style, expression, exclamation points.
As it goes now I am near to go to sleep after 15 minutes of listening and this is not what I think you had in purpose while making the talk.
With regard to you suggesting that you might start offer more ‘prescriptive advice’. I think most men desperately need leaders. Humans are social creatures and hierarchy is our natural social structure. Liberalism, democracy, equality, political correctness, social justice, and human rights are all an attempt at undermining and working around the natural order of things. So, my advice is this; don’t shy away from being a leader when called upon.
@Wise Man, I’ve decided to dedicate the third book to being more prescriptive. I’ve got to temper it with the understanding that it can’t offer individual specifics, but I’m planning on organizing it to be about solutions and/or plans.
Thanks for the advice guys. Do you want to make it clear your nexting her or is just radio silencevtve way to go?
Thanks for the advice guys. Do you want to make it clear your nexting her or is just radio silence the way to go?
Niko talked about being the primary giver of dopamine for your girl. I found this perspective very interesting. While I understand how to meet my own dopamine needs (sex, hobbies, friends, etc.) what are some ways a man can provide dopamine for his woman? Sex being the obvious answer of course. So what other methods exist?
Tingles, dread, comfort to anxiety, sex, amused mastery, I’m sure YaReally will be along shortly to say that it’s about anything that leaves a woman with an emotional impact, positive or negative. Indignation, anything that feels like a roller coaster for a woman (figuratively) can trigger the dopamine effect.
@unknown
Don’t use the youtube app.
Go through a browser (I use Firefox on Android) to the youtube website and listen from there. Then you can have it playing in the background while doing other things on the phone or even turn the screen off to save battery.
@Korin:
She will understand the meaning of radio silence just fine.
@Rollo
I’ve been following you and the RP for many years now. I used to be totally BP and married. Now I’m RP aware and free. Your work helped save my life. So thanks.
@ Tarl ” My question is – how do you build a strong frame? And in particular, a strong frame with women? I have an ultra-strong frame in everything else in my life – professional, intellectual, ideological – and ZFG if anyone disagrees with me. But once I start dealing with women, son of a bitch I get sucked into their frame every time. (The root cause of this problem, and I am sure this is often the case, is I was raised by a single mother – no contact with dad or positive males – and she insisted I… Read more »
@korin
Radio silence for sure. If you communicate with her at all at this point, it will only make you look needy and vengeful. Nexting is for you, not her. Spin more plates.
Also agree, would like to see you go into detail on the 9 Iron Rules… maybe one per podcast, each a shorter podcast (maybe 1/2 hour on each to really dig into them?)
@Blaximus said,”Being aware of why your frame loosens with women is a huge help for you. It is a vulnerability of sorts. I’d recommend practicing extending the same elements of your ” Frame ” into all areas in life. That’s a true frame that is rock solid at it’s core.”
@Tarl, Blax is spot on… until you nail down the cause of your conditional Frame, LTR’s will be a series of frustrating/traumatic failures for you.
Given that a strong Frame is connected (among others things, but strongly) to an abundance mindset, you may want to start investigating there.
Heheh, I gotta remember not to crack my knuckles when I’m recording.
@yareally @scray @pua “I walk past an 8 sitting there on the phone, fresh off that last set. I’m into her look, her vibe. – Attracted-” That makes all the difference in the world. 🙂 I went through a phase where I wasn’t getting laid at all for a solid half a year. It was brutal. But over time I realized that I was simply not going to places that had hot enough girls for me, so I was half-assing all my approaches because I really didn’t give a shit about the girls and sub-consciously didn’t REALLY want to fuck… Read more »
There’s an interesting comment battle today on Married Red Pill
Someone postulates that if you were mostly beta when you married then you are locked into BB frame regardless of what you do. Certainly you can (and should) divorce and be AF in new relationships.
The framing of Pregnancy…”He got me pregnant”. Her frame, the false frame, the one formed to deceive and help her shirk responsibility, establishes a lie, then permits and enforces the consequences of her half fraudulent statement “He got me pregnant”. This is a common statement and generally in our society, it is still the primarily accepted frame of how women “get pregnant”. Consider the following realities. It takes both to create a pregnancy. She carries the ovaries and eggs. She knows very well what can happen to her eggs by messing around with sperm squirting dicks. Are you still with… Read more »
@Redlight I was following that. And thought the discussion was good. I think there is a certain truth to that. Trying to recover from either blue pill beta (poor frame) at marriage time or not having a quality LTR woman (Heh, luck-of-the-draw or intuition on attempted vetting of her originally, raises its mean, ugly head) has got to be the worst hole to dig out of ever. It is basically about not being a butt-hurt pussy with a poor quality spouse and having false ego-investments (although not able to determine this by the information offered.) The thread is “Wife still… Read more »
@Darami i waited one hour after she last ditched me and texted “hey listen Im not liking where this is going I think we should just be friends” in terms of tactical nexting was this a mistake? Ive been radio silent ever since
You need to do that book with Dalrock.
@Hayek, I have tried. I think we will at some point.
@korin
Did you want to be “just friends”?
@redlight no i like her but the fact is she flaked on me 3 days in a row to get drunk at the club when 3 days earlier she was begging me to take her back from an earlier incident. So imo I had to let her know in some way that her behaviour was unacceptable. From everything ive read silence is the best answer but I saw the nexting article after the fact.
The framing of Pregnancy…”He got me pregnant”.
Well, sure, yeah, it just happened.
@korin
“I had to let her know in some way that her behaviour was unacceptable”
are you the hamster police? she doesn’t give a flying fuck what you think, she is showing your text to Chad while he is balls deep in her ass
@redlight well basically the whole nexting article is based upon the premise that your ignoring her because of unacceptable behaviour. I just happened to next her with words therefore leaving the uncertainty out if it so Im just curious is it totally fucked now or will I still most likely get the extinction burst?
@Korin:
You might want to read up on the Costanza Method.
http://www.chinahearsay.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Costanza.jpg
I’ve got to temper it with the understanding that it can’t offer individual specifics,
You realize you could charge $150/hour to offer specific advice to individuals, right?
I’ve got to temper it with the understanding that it can’t offer individual specifics,
You realize you could charge $150/hour for specific advice to individuals, right?
is this a bot?
did you see this one:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/fifty-shades-of-grey-50-shades-false-rape-claim-false-accusation-incest-rape-a7189786.html
@Korin Costanza methed: KFG is being facetious. KfG is actually an advocate for Unconscious competence phase of Mastery whereas he laughs at you: George Costanza was still in in a phase of Un-conscience incompetence bordering on conscience incompetence when he dreamed up the Costanza gambit. It worked for him because of the fake it till you make it gambit. A perfect IDGAF gambit. For the clueless. Korin, your not even in the league of her having an extinction burst. She was never habituated to you in the first place. She was never hooked on you. And it is you not… Read more »
redlight:
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/female-fifty-shades-of-grey-readers-more-likely-to-uphold-sexist-attitudes-study-finds-a7027381.html
Oh, noes! “Young female women” at a US uni who read 50 SOG and found it hot are more likely to support “benevolent sexism”…
“KFG is being facetious.”
I should probably go to the vet and get a shot.
You are fine. You’ve been inoculated many times over. And are immune to girl tricks.
You should take Korin to the Vet and make him get a shot of:…. well something or other….
@korin It’s hard to say how screwed you are without knowing more of the specifics. But, see, you set an entirely nonsexual frame by suggesting that she should be “just friends” with you. Also, it very subtly indicates your (very real) sense of frustration about how things have gone. Alpha wouldn’t care if she texted him back or not. He just be like “whatever, maybe she’ll be down in a week or two. I’m kinda in the mood for girl B anyways, she does BJ’s.” And then, if she hadn’t totally lost his interest at that point, send out a… Read more »
Forgive me speech to text typos, am much bad grammar for post unclear sentences
Yes
Sent from my iPhone
@kfg
That’s probably for the best. Can’t go letting you get too facieted on us. You might start to act a bit fondescending.
Besides, vets have cheaper drugs. Bug-out bags across the country have bottles of antibiotics in them which sternly admonish you to only give their contents to fish.
@redlight
“There’s an interesting comment battle today on Married Red Pill
Someone postulates that if you were mostly beta when you married then you are locked into BB frame regardless of what you do. Certainly you can (and should) divorce and be AF in new relationships.”
Can totally agree on that. Better to cut your losses asap and start over. It can only get better.
How do you maintain frame with a woman with a better job than you and circling to ‘settle down’?
Post wall women are like level 5 freakin Jedis with their mind tricks, seductive as fuck and then they pull the rug right from under you. It’s like playing pick-up against LeBron.
@Korin You wrote: “”i waited one hour after she last ditched me and texted “hey listen Im not liking where this is going I think we should just be friends” in terms of tactical nexting was this a mistake? Ive been radio silent ever since”” I’ll be brutally honest because I too have written texts like this in the past. You come off as being angry and desperate. The only time this works is if the girl is chasing you. I just blasted a girl who was disrespecting me and I told her off: “Please just fuck off…” She came… Read more »
the “big” think: robots are not evil since women can be trusted
The dread of them turning evil really says more about our own psyches than it does about robots. Pinker believes an alpha male thinking pattern is at the root of our AI fears, and that it is misguided. Something can be highly intelligent and not have malevolent intentions to overthrow and dominate, Pinker says, it’s called women.
http://bigthink.com/videos/steven-pinker-on-artificial-intelligence-apocalypse
^^^
Been posting on Twitter about this
this:
http://elblog.com/zeus/recursos_generales/recursos_13/imagenes/1411404759.jpg
settled for $7M (about the cost of having the very best hookers every night for 10 years)
http://www.tmz.com/2016/08/16/amber-heard-johnny-depp-settlement-domestic-violence-divorce/
“In reality we design AI, and if we place safeguards in our designs, we truly have nothing to fear.”
Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics and the robot stories he wrote around them were an exercise in demonstrating how such safeguards inevitably fail.
@rollo
“Been posting on Twitter about this”
missed that, sorry, I had picked it up from a tech stream (blue pill)
@rollo on twitter
“TBP sub is a collection of pussies who have no real counterarguments to TRP. They trash talk me 2 but never want to debate”
what is funny is that emily is the most logical person there, and she is batshit crazy
example
TBP: reports of older men hooking up with much younger women are fake
E: true that, though my stepmom, 25, married my dad
Here, feel free to troll good Christian Emily all you want:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/110481906821782059898
@rollo
don’t you like new and improved “Eve”?
@Redlight:
Even when she tries to tell the truth she lies.
She’s been trolling Niko now too. The stupid is infectious.
to see if I can find out who Tyler’s “high quality” GF is (will be on 6th cover of playboy, does not mean main model), I go to playboy.com, and find, surprise, hamster infestation: The thought of this makes complex feelings arise, and the visceral reaction I experience—nausea and a free-floating anxiety that makes my skin tighten—forces me to contemplate what’s going on. It takes a minute, but I realize my self-justifications are connected to internalized shame. It’s making me sick. I worry that in my efforts to reverse our culture’s enduring double standard of how a woman who has… Read more »
I know some of what I’ve written here is a bit extreme and some of you do not agree with everything I’ve written. I do not agree with everything I’ve read here either, including some of what Rollo’s written. I tend to be “dogmatic” with my expressions and probably come off as an absolutist of sorts as well as an asshole from time to time…or maybe all the time to some. Understandably, I have been accused of being a Troll before. Sometimes it may seem like I don’t give a damn what others think or express, however I do and… Read more »
Frame, like most Game principles, is the sweet truth of a banana sundae in a breakable thin-plastic container. In other words, Frame was invented by those who lacked self-confidence enough in their world to have to explicate it. Of course there’s such a thing as Frame, but it shouldn’t be necessary to put it in a psych-culture to have it grow. You should just be living it, working with it, breathing it. The problem with so much red-pill thinking is that it essentially is about bootstrapping yourself from victim to victor. For those who are not “naturals,” concepts such as… Read more »
@Redlight: Hugh took up the position of “emeritus” in the 80s, handing the actual operation of Playboy Enterprises over to his daughter. She did what women do, hired more women. She stepped down herself when Obama was elected because it “inspired her to give more time to charity work.” What sort of charity work? ” . . . the progressive political organization Center for American Progress. Their site describes her as having “long been involved in electing progressive candidates, advancing women, First Amendment issues, and advancing treatment for people with HIV/AIDS.” ” Playboy has been totally FI/SJW converged for some… Read more »
I’ll also note that Maxim is such a shit rag because it was actually founded by women, its mission to supply men with what these women think men “really” want.
@NBTM: “So by saying men are the “gate keepers of commitment” aren’t we really saying that men are the “gatekeepers of their own enslavement”?”
Certainly, although I note that contracts, to be valid, must be give and take, and you have redacted what a man is supposed to get from the contract.
Although this is not entirely beyond understanding, as women have been working hard to redact it from public consciousness for about 200 years now.
“If you want to become a player, I recommend you take a friend and a video camera to a mall, have him record you hitting on woman after woman, then watch yourself.
You will wince in pain . . .”
I’ve actually been meaning to post almost exactly this for some time now. I guess you saved me the typing.
I presume they do this at “bootcamps”?
It shouldn’t, but it is.
It’s not enough just to drive the car, it’s better to know how it was designed, why it works and what to do about it when it breaks down.
Which used to be part of the normal training of boys.
@ NBTM I understand the concept that women are supposedly the gatekeepers of sex. I do not personally subscribe to this line of thought though. Actually, the only absolute I attribute to women is childbearing. Lol, I know that sounds odd, but that is more in line with how I see things. I reject the idea that anyone else is the ” gatekeeper ” of anything I need in life ( ” want ” is a different matter..). For me, it is purely a mindset issue. I do not abdicate lightly, and as a man I don’t think it proper… Read more »
Please, delete my prev. comment (I corrupted HTML). Here’s it without angle brackets: Rollo, I haven’t listened to it all, but I will after I get the audio into my phone to listen in the car. It’s not too long if I can listen to it in installments. About the great question – “can you put your wife in her place after your ‘RP awakening'”? There are two schools: a) No, never. b) Sure, just “learn game”, “practice biblical headship” etc. There are endless fights about it (well, not all the time) at Dalrock’s and, I guess, here, and in… Read more »
CEO Nikolic
But if you live with firmness, balls, and strength, then the idea that you would need to vest thought and energy into “Frame” or that you’d have to play with a woman’s hypergamic impulses would be nonsensical. You would just know it and do it.
Yeah, you’d Just Get It.
https://therationalmale.com/2012/08/22/just-get-it/
Might want to read some of the archives…
It’s become clear to me that the essence of the Blue Pill is the attempt of others to suck you into a false frame,
and the Red Pill, of course, consists of rejecting that frame and designing a new one for yourself that encompasses both reality, and what is good for you you rather than those who would be your owners.
@ Tom ” It’s become clear to me that the essence of the Blue Pill is the attempt of others to suck you into a false frame, and the Red Pill, of course, consists of rejecting that frame and designing a new one for yourself that encompasses both reality, and what is good for you you rather than those who would be your owners.” I agree. Now the trippy part is that there are an easy dozen ” Blue Pill ” worlds out there. Most of our society is being lulled into a false paradigm. I advocate for all men… Read more »
Blax
“I advocate for all men to eventually adjust their frames to deal with all of the Blue-ness that surround them in every day life.”
Or ignore all the other [easy dozen?] frame grabbing attempts and pursue the Platinum Rule [do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it] and obviate the need to sniff another’s frame…
@ Sentient ” Or ignore all the other [easy dozen?] frame grabbing attempts and pursue the Platinum Rule [do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it] and obviate the need to sniff another’s frame…” Brother, that’s one way to approach things definitely. ” Rule #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule #2: It’s all small stuff “. That’s mostly my motto nowadays. Yet, in order to ignore something, one must recognize it first. It’s not about sniffing another’s frame, as much as it is about understanding the totality of the Matrix. 30 year mortgage… Trickle Down… Read more »
Commenters:
Forgive the rollercoaster-like swinging of my commentary above. I have been engaged in many deep discussions with friends and family over the past week concerning the lunacy that we all live in called society.
It’s still fresh in my noggin.
Sentient may be correct. Ignore.
Blax
he he he…. crazy world indeed we live in…
But the Platinum Rule, most powerful Frame Sate one can have… because it is never wrong… amazing?!?
Now it may also kill you… so there is that… LOL
Blaximus, how’s the cop that was hanging with your daughter doing?
“Trickle Down Economics….”
The more you own, the more you earn,
the less you pay, on tax returns.
But if you’re poor, no need to frown,
just trust in Reagan wait for trickle down.
The millionaires, can pay no tax,
it’s just the tips they give their waiters that get axed.
But just be glad, for what you’ve got,
there’ll be more jobs for maids and butlers and whatnot.
Anonymous Reader Joe the cop is ” taking a break ” from my goddaughter. She’s busy engaged in some epic, Olympian styled partying. Joe and I have gotten together a few times. I’m counseling him to move on and cut his loses. But Joe wants to wait her out until she gets ” it ” out of her system and matures a little. She’s giving him the Yo-Yo treatment, push/pulling him. Because he is so understanding and fond of her, he is resisting the clean break. I’m working on him slowly like a rusted bolt. When the conversation re: Relationships… Read more »
@Culum @HABD OUCH. lol… ya, I’m too busy for anything but a little tough love, right now…lol but you really DO know this stuff and your past success is proof that you ‘can’…lol you just need to let yourself remember that… lol and get out of your own way on the road to ‘awesome’… Okay I take your point. I can’t even comment on your post because you’re right of course. It’s easy to lose sight of the wood for the trees etc. Next Blitz Week I am gonna focus on Getting Laid (from cold approach). GREAT PLAN!!! if you’re… Read more »
@ Blax re: loony society Warren Zevon – Life’ll Kill Ya (written a few years before he died of mesothelioma, and a couple years before he was aware he had the disease) “You’ve got an invalid haircut And it hurts when you smile You better get out of town Before your nickname expires It’s the kingdom of the spiders It’s the empire of the ants You need a permit to walk around downtown You need a license to dance Life’ll kill ya That’s what I said Life’ll kill ya And then you’ll be dead Life’ll find you Wherever you go… Read more »
Rollo, Niko, thanks for this discussion on Frame. The concept is logical and intuitive, and I can see its application during periods of my life when success just happened ‘naturally’. In reality that ‘natural’ feeling was because I was living in a disciplined way towards goals that excited me far more than the transitory pleasures of women or partying. They became things I could pick up and put down rather than a focus or in any way influential of my work at the time. It becomes clear to me now that my difficulty over the last few years is related… Read more »
@HABD – replying here. Epiphany chick: lost cause I think. Setup a meet a couple months ago which failed on logistics (she refused to come to my part of town and I refused to go to her part of town, partly because it was crappy logistics for the lay and partly because it would have been falling into her frame to agree to change plans like that). Since then I think she’s deleted my number on Whatsapp, but I’m not sure. I’ll try a ping message next month when I’m back Blitzing. Thanks for holding me accountable generally (along with… Read more »
BTW, I should add that at some point I want to go back to Tinder (which I only used a little before – nowhere near the extent I was using sugar sites) and figure out a way to nail it. More as a side experimental project when I have free time in my “down time” city than any attempt to replace cold approach. The cold approach stuff is very much my priority when I’m in the big city, but when I have some down time I want to figure out why I suck so much on Tinder. I know that… Read more »
@culum
Consider changing the age on your profile. If you are over 35 you will be filtered out by a lot of chicks who would get along well if you approached then directly.
@Culum Honestly, online dating is a dead-end. Getting better at it would be like investing in stocks from a VHS company. It is going to get more and more difficult as more and more guys are on it (I’d say if you look at the phone of 18-35yo single guys, around 75% have Tinder installed). You are competing with a whole city basically, in a context when girls are super choosy (sitting at home on a sunday night, in a serious mood vs in a club on a friday night when they are carried away by their emotions). Also the… Read more »
BPD relationships can teach you a lot about Frame. So can childhood abuse, neglect in particular. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that those two are kind of a match made in hell. What I went through in my childhood, IMO, is what has *not only* so severely delayed my ability to develop Frame, *but also* so severely delayed my ability to recognize other people’s Frame. I’m not trying to imply “Poor me,” but a literal developmental disability. In that Frame is a natural part of the human experience, and social isolation, e.g. through parental neglect and lack of friends/normal… Read more »
@culum, klem, eve Did you see this: https://news.unt.edu/news-releases/men-have-highest-risk-low-self-esteem-while-using-tinder-unt-study-finds “We thought females would the most strongly, and adversely, be affected by using Tinder, particularly given the extent to which women adopt societal beauty ideals,” said Petrie. “The fact that male and female Tinder users reported similar levels of psychological distress was surprising.” Among the other results: Regardless of gender, Tinder users reported less psychosocial well-being and more indicators of body dissatisfaction than non-users. Tinder users’ self-worth reports were relatively equal for both genders – with the exception of lower male self-esteem, as noted above. The researchers believe Tinder may be destabilizing… Read more »
@Softek You’ve heard it here a couple times before. It’s easier to learn new habits than to break old ones. You have to give up all your old ways of dealing with people and yourself. You need new reference experiences and change how you approach those new avenues. From Dr. Laura: “Refuse to inherit dysfunction from a crappy childhood. Learn new ways of living instead of repeating what you lived through” Perhaps you might want to go to the library or get a copy online of her book “Bad Childhood, Good Life” on tips on how to move on. She… Read more »
@ redlight I was on Tinder for a while. Out of the 40 something matches I had and messaged, only one responded. One match I got messaged me first and I messaged back and that went great, but then she “ghosted.” I was swiping right on everything just to see who I’d get a match with. Definitely a lot of 2’s and 3’s, and I’ll never forget one of the 2’s posted a picture saying “How many matches do I have to get to stop using this damn thing??” And she screenshotted her profile and it showed 2,000 matches. So… Read more »
@ SJF My friend wants to go to some codependency group thing. I think I’m gonna do it. I’ve had a fair amount of outpatient therapy at mental hospitals in the past but that was way before Red Pill, and now I feel like I have much more solid ground to stand on. Plus, while my friend is kind of Purple Pill, he’s still a good support and a good influence overall. Like if it wasn’t for him last night, I would’ve gone over my girlfriend’s house again, when I was drained and didn’t feel like it, or if I… Read more »
Also, here’s to trolling Emily:
@culum Hank… The gang…Not sure who it was…who recently wrote about what to do when girls flake or throw out the I have a bd shit test….but I’ll share my most recent experience and response. Met girl at party, nev, kino, dhv, back turn. Saw her last weekend after a few week absence reopened, number closed. Texted to get her out to my djing. She replied…late that she couldn’t make it because of some clash. I suggest drinks ask her schedule. She texts me at midnight…says she might come out Friday qualifies herself. “Me: “oh a rebel. Don’t make me… Read more »
@redlight, considering the gender ratio, more men than women, and the likelihood that of that greater % of men are Beta, this comes as little surprise to any Red Pill aware guy. Tinder has got to be brutal for a Blue Pill Beta thinking the SMP will treat him as every equalist in his life has assured him women will. Tinder is all Alpha Fucks and very little else. I’m sure there are Game principles the can make Tinder work, but for guys with a Blue Pill mindset I imagine it’s brutal for them. They believe Tinder would be a… Read more »
@ Rollo I feel like Tinder was good practice for me to get over seeing women’s “Alpha Fucks” side. If you want to hook up with women and have things like one night stands, you have to be prepared to accept that side of your own nature as well as women’s. I still have residual feelings that it’s “shallow” or women who hook up like that are sluts and I should stay away from them. What this *really* amounts to is Alpha-shaming, and feeling like being Alpha is morally wrong, superficial, etc. i.e., in reality I’m not ashamed of the… Read more »
Culum Fuck tinder… More as a side experimental project when I have free time in my “down time” city than any attempt to replace cold approach. If you are in your small city you will be better served running at least indirect game in coffee shops and bookstores with your “down time” instead of swiping to infinity (btw there are auto swipe apps, they swipe EVERY girl which is why all these 2’s and 3’s are getting “matches”, creates a funnel of matches for guys without any effort. So you can just focus on the matched ones and the rest… Read more »
It has been said and it seems fairly well established as a presumed reality that “Women are the gate keepers to sex and men are the gate keepers to commitment”. This model of gender specific “gatekeeping” seems to be the most widely accepted model in the red pill community and the general culture accepts it readily.
this is obsolete…women who aren’t on an imminent crash course with the wall don’t want commitment and betas who have committed don’t typically want sex with other women
The Paradox of Commitment:
https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/29/the-paradox-of-commitment/