At the Man In Demand conference I briefly got into the topic of egalitarian equalism and its relation to complementarity during my talk. On my flight home I was jotting down my thoughts about the seminar and one thing I now have plans to do for the next one* is base an entire talk and group discussion about the distinctions between equalism and complementarity as I understand them.
However, for now, consider this post a primer for that talk. I’ve done my best to explain the differences between equalism and complementarity in Equalism and Masculinity and Positive Masculinity vs. Equalism. My detailing the social dynamics and psychological influences men face in an equalist headspace has been a recurrent theme in many of my posts. On occasion I’ve made contrasting comparisons to Complementarity, but until the Red Pill Parenting series I hadn’t gone into the detail I’d like to.
As many of you have already mentioned in the stories you’ve shared, it is usually the father who pushes their children towards a higher standard of success. This is critical for the child to develop into a successful adult that excels in society.
It is usually the mother who coos and coddles their children. This is also necessary, as it’s vitally important for children to feel loved and accepted by their parents. This shows the necessity of the roles of both mothers and fathers in the development of children. If a child faces only criticism, it may have lasting effects on their self esteem. If a child is never criticized, they may never grow up into an adult.
The negative effects of too much coddling are so widespread, that we actually have sayings that illustrate it.
“A ____ only a mother could love”
To understand the dynamic of complementarity first it’s important to consider the theology behind egalitarianism. I tend to use the term egalitarianism and equalism interchangeably, but I do so because I see them both as stems from the same tree of blank-slate humanism. In the first Red Pill Parent essay I made the following case against of a single parent, single gender upbringing of children:
Parenting should be as collaborative and as complementary a partnership as is reflected in the complementary relationship between a mother and father.
It’s the height of gender-supremacism to be so arrogantly self-convinced as to deliberately choose to birth a child and attempt to raise it into the contrived ideal of what that “parent” believes the other gender’s role oughtto be.
This should put the institutionalized social engineering agenda of the Feminine Imperative into stark contrast for anyone considering intentional single parenthood. Now consider that sperm banks and feminine-specific fertility institutions have been part of normalized society for over 60 years and you can see that Hypergamy has dictated the course of parenting for some time now. This is the definition of social engineering.
The idea that a single mother is as co-effective as a father stems from the blank-slate belief that gender is a social construct rather than the physical and psychological manifestation of humans’ evolved mental firmware. While the foundations of this blank-slate theory originated with John Locke in in the 17th century it would be the anima/animus theories of Carl Jung to cement egalitarian equalism into the popular conscious with regard to gender relations.
Tabula Rasa (blank-slate) refers to the epistemological idea that individuals are born without built-in mental content and that therefore all knowledge comes from experience or perception. With the scientific and technical advancements of the 20th and 21st centuries we now have a better understanding of how the human brains of men and women operate from a far more advanced perspective than either Jung or Locke had knowledge of. To be fair, Jung’s presupposition was one that human’s possess innate potentials for both the masculine and feminine (thus the “get in touch with your feminine side” trope for men), but those potentials derive from a presumed-accepted egalitarian base.
Yet still, from a meta-social perspective, western(izing) culture still clings to the blank-slate theoretical models from Jung inspired by Locke and other tabula rasa thinkers of old.
Why is that? Why should it be that for all of our greater understanding of the biomechanics of the human body and it’s influences on behavior that the greater whole of society persists in the belief that men and women possess co-equal gender proficiencies based on an outdated, largely disproven Tabula Rasa model? I would argue that resisting the more obvious and practical model of evolved gender differences presents an uncomfortable proposition of biological determinism to people conditioned to believe gender is a nurture, not nature, proposition.
I’ve opined about Carl Jung’s contributions to our present state of feminine social primacy in the past.
One of the key elements Jung introduced into western culture’s popular consciousness is the theory of anima and animus; that each individual, irrespective of sex, possesses greater or lesser degrees of association and manifested behavior of masculine and feminine psychological affiliations. In 2012, when you hear a 6 year old girl tell a 6 year old boy “you need to get in touch with your feminine side” in order to get him to comply with her, you can begin to understand the scope to which this idea has been internalized into society’s collective consciousness. So long and so thoroughly has this theory been repeated and perpetuated that we can scarcely trace back its origins – it’s simply taken as fact that men and women possess varying degrees of masculine and feminine energies. First and second wave feminism founded their psychological premises of gender on Jung’s ideas and so evolved the reasonings for a push towards the social feminization we know today. The seeds for the feminine-centrism we take for granted today were planted by a Swiss psychiatrist in the early 1900’s.
It’s important to consider Jung’s bi-gender individualities within the individual person in context with Locke’s Tabula Rasa theory because in tandem they constitute the basis of the egalitarian equalism which feminism and our present feminine-primary conditioning rely upon. To the modern egalitarian mind, inequalities in social dynamics, gender conflicts and economic disparities are the result of a deliberate (if not malicious) intent on the part of individuals to limit the presumedly equal potentials of others. Social ills are the conflict between the selfish need of the one versus the equalized need of the many.
There is very little headspace given to the material, innate, mechanics that make up the condition of the individual. Natural talent, innate ability, in-born predispositions, and physical and adaptational advantages stemming from evolved differences – whether a boon or a burden – are either disqualified or marginalized in an egalitarian mindset. The egalitarian, while very humanistic, leans almost entirely on the learned behavior model of human development. It’s Tabula Rasa, and the zeroed-out-at-birth content of the individual is filled by the influence of a society that is corrupted by those who don’t agree with an idealized egalitarian imperative.
Complementarity
Complementarity acknowledges the importance of the inborn differences between the sexes that egalitarianism marginalizes or outright denies exist while recognizing and embracing the strengths and weaknesses those differences represent.
There are many well documented, peer reviewed, scientific studies on the neurological differences between men and women’s brain structure. The easiest evidence of these differences is the cyclic nature of women’s sexuality (versus men’s always-on sexuality) and the neurological/hormonal influences on beliefs, behaviors and the rationalizations for those behaviors prompted by the innate drive to optimize Hypergamy.
Women experience negative emotions differently from men. The male brain evolved to seek out sex before food. And while our feminine-centric social order insists that, in the name of equalism, boys should be forced to learn in the same modality as that of girls, the science shows that boys brains are rudimentarily wired to learn differently.
Stark differences exist in the wiring of male and female brains.
Maps of neural circuitry showed that on average women’s brains were highly connected across the left and right hemispheres, in contrast to men’s brains, where the connections were typically stronger between the front and back regions.
Ragini Verma, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, said the greatest surprise was how much the findings supported old stereotypes, with men’s brains apparently wired more for perception and co-ordinated actions, and women’s for social skills and memory, making them better equipped for multitasking.
“If you look at functional studies, the left of the brain is more for logical thinking, the right of the brain is for more intuitive thinking. So if there’s a task that involves doing both of those things, it would seem that women are hardwired to do those better,” Verma said. “Women are better at intuitive thinking. Women are better at remembering things. When you talk, women are more emotionally involved – they will listen more.”
Ironically, in an egalitarian gender-neutral social order, a college professor publicly suggesting that men are more adept at mathematical thinking gets him fired from a lengthy tenure, but when a female researcher suggests the same she’s rewarded with professional accolades and grant money.
As you might expect, this article focuses primarily on the triumphant advantages of the female brain structure, but the studies themselves are revealing of the empirical evidence that men and women are not the functional equals that egalitarianism would insist we are.
The scans showed greater connectivity between the left and right sides of the brain in women, while the connections in men were mostly confined to individual hemispheres. The only region where men had more connections between the left and right sides of the brain was in the cerebellum, which plays a vital role in motor control. “If you want to learn how to ski, it’s the cerebellum that has to be strong,” Verma said. Details of the study are published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
“It’s quite striking how complementary the brains of women and men really are,” Ruben Gur, a co-author on the study, said in a statement. “Detailed connectome maps of the brain will not only help us better understand the differences between how men and women think, but it will also give us more insight into the roots of neurological disorders, which are often sex-related.”
These distinct neurological differences between men and women are evidence of a an evolved intersexual complementarity that has manifested in both the personal and social dynamic of intergender relations for millennia. Conventional gender roles where there is a defined interdependence between the sexes is reflective of precisely the hardwired “stereotypes” researchers were so shocked to discover in men and women’s neural wiring.
Talents and Deficits
I’m often asked what the complementarian model looks like and it’s all too easy to not want to fall into the perceived trap in defining gender roles for men and women as they’ve been for centuries before our own era. Conventionally feminine women and masculine men are ‘shocking’ stereotypes to a society steeped and conditioned to accept the egalitarian model as the norm. The simple fact is that equality is only defined by the conditions and environmental circumstance that make something equal or unequal.
Men and women are biologically, physiologically, psychologically, hormonally and sexually different. This presents a very difficult proposition to an egalitarian mindset – men and women are simply better suited for, better wired, better enabled and better physically capable of succeeding in different tasks, different environments, different socialization, different mental or emotional demands as those circumstances dictate.
We simply evolved for symbiosis between the sexes; the strengths of one compensate for the weakness of the other. Depending on the challenge presented, yes, this means that in our complementarity the difference between a man and a woman are going to be unequal. Much of the gender discord our present society suffers is due primarily to the intentional rejection of this evolved, symbiotic complementarity and its replacement with the fantasy of uninfluenced, independently sustaining equalism. From the egalitarian mindset, the genders are self-sustaining and independent, thus men and women simply have no need for the other.
Though egalitarians will argue it does, complementarity doesn’t imply a universal superiority of one gender or the other. Rather, depending on the task at hand, one sex will be better predisposed to accomplishing it. Furthermore this isn’t to say that the gender-specific deficiencies of one gender cannot be overcome by learning, practice and brain plasticity to achieve the same ends – it is to say that men and women’s brains, and the task specific adaptations of them, predispose them to being better capable of achieving them.
Fighting Nature
For the better part of this blog’s history I’ve outlined the process of how the Feminine Imperative conditions men to embrace their “feminine sides” and create generations of ready Betas. Most Blue Pill men will fail to identify with the more masculine specificity I’ve outlined above. It’s important to remember that learning to be better at non-gender specificity in an attempt to override this natural gender-wiring is not always a voluntary effort on the part of a person – especially when egalitarian Mom and Dad are in on the conditioning.
When we see the recent popular social effort to embrace transexual acceptance what we’re being asked to do is accept a learning process that countermands a male or female’s evolved neural architecture. Brain plasticity is a marvel of evolution, but it is subject to external manipulation and the ideologies of those doing the manipulating.
There’s been a criticism of western public education’s push to force boys to learn like girls – we treat boys like they are defective girls. This is a prime example of not just a social engineering effort, but an effort in reprogramming boys to override their natural, neurological maleness. Thus they become less effective girls because they are required to think, emote and react in way their brains never predisposed them to.
Likewise there is a popular push to encourage girls to adopt male modalities of thinking. In the hopes to make mathematics and technology fields more gender equal egalitarian society will make special compensation and establish exclusive academic rewards for girls who teach themselves to override their intrinsic mental proficiencies and find intrinsic reward in adopting those of boys.
The egalitarian mindset simply denies the foundational truths that decades of evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology and anthropological research indicate about our present state of intersexual relations. Inso doing they reject a complementary model and embrace an egalitarian one. Their mistake is presuming that evo-psych necessitates a biological determinism and thereby absolves an individual of personal responsibility for their behavior. It does not, but it does provide a framework that more accurately describes the mental state, sexual strategies and social environment in which men find themselves with women.
When you hear or read the trope that “women are just as sexual as men” what’s being related to you is founded in the same egalitarian root that teaches us to believe that “women are just as good at fathering as any man”. All are equal, but men’s sexuality seems a boon that egalitarian women would like to adopt.
One reason egalitarianism is an appealing cover story for feminism is because its primary goal is leveling the sexual competition playing field for all women to optimize Hypergamy at the expense of men’s own sexual strategy interests. If all is equal, if men’s basic biological impulses are reduced to shamed criminality, if women can expect men to be aroused by their perceived value of their self-defined self-worth, then all material and physiological deficits can be effectively dismissed.
Under the guise of egalitarianism, feminism has effected feminine social dominance for over half a century now.
Egalitarianism is likewise appealing to evo-psych detractors because a belief in egalitarianism should mean that men can escape their burden of performance. I touched on this in the first post of the Adaptations series. The presumption is that if the more intrinsic, ephemeral aspects of men’s higher-order thinking and personal worth is appreciated as a sexual attraction, then all deficiencies in meeting his naturalistic burden of performance can be rescinded. Game, physique, personality, status, success, achievement, etc. are superseded by his equalist belief system and this is sold to him as the new order upon which women should find him attractive.
Complementarity is the evolved interdependence between the sexes and it’s been a responsible element of how the human race has risen to be the apex species on this planet, but it doesn’t ensure an optimal breeding schedule for either sex. So long as men and women are mired in a denial of the evolved psychological differences between the sexes, their only alternative is to embrace egalitarianism.
The reason feminism hates the Red Pill – in its concrete sense – is because it more accurately predicts human behavior than feminism and equalism have ever been capable of.
” Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun. ”
Don Marquis
@Rollo
… wow. It’s like watching Betas trying to out-supplicate each other in front of the biggest audience they can get access to. Pathetic.
OT note on the article: Spartans did not wear superhero capes and hot pants. As for the content of the article, if manhood is done away with, so will be our spot at the top of the food chain. We will become something like prairie dogs and rabbits; every predators defenseless snack food. In fact, in some areas it’s happening already. And the women are screaming bloody murder that violent men should do something about it, which has got to rankle the violent men a bit, as keeping the predators away, while the women slept, is what they had been… Read more »
@YaReally You don’t even have to wear a costume. It’s technically peacocking to NOT be dressed up when everyone else is, it gives girls an easy way to shit-test open you with “Where’s your costume??” or after you open them they’ll always say “How come you aren’t dressed up??” and you just fuck with them (“What? I AM dressed up, can’t you tell who I’m supposed to be? Guess what my costume is”). Last halloween, I dressed up in my literal best clothes. When people asked me why I wearing such a nice suit, I said, “This is my costume,… Read more »
@Sun Wukong “Note to self: YaReally really digs Halloween.” What wouldn’t I dig about it? All of North America becomes a party at the Playboy Mansion for a few nights. I recognize opportunity when I see it lol Any guy frustrated by the lack of selection of women around him should be the first guy hitting this site: https://www.eventbrite.com/d/tx–dallas/halloween/?view=list And checking out travel logistics and photo galleries (is the crowd young college chicks?) for the clubs listed for tonight and tomorrow night (and sign up on the guest list to save yourself cover/lineup before X time (usually 11pm but each… Read more »
@YaReally, well, whenever Halloween falls on a weekend (last year and this year) I get to work double time hours. Fortunately the bulk of those hours are spent doing liquor promos surrounded by women in exactly the costumes you describe and behaving exactly the way you describe. It’s an excellent opportunity to observe ovulating females in their natural environment.
In other words, cosign YaReally’s advice. The iron’s very hot tonight and tomorrow gentlemen, be sure you hit it.
Yep. It’s a woman’s perfect environment to get motivated and go for the gold.
I always liked the old Churchill quote that a young man who is a republican has no heart, and an old man who is a democrat has no brain. While I tend to agree that both a mother and father work best as role models, you might be interested in the exceptional case of Jack Welch(his biography is Straight from the Gut). He was raised by a single mother. Even when his father was around he was kind of a passive non-entity. His mother did seem capable of the two roles of father and mother-she loved her boy dearly, but… Read more »
@RedGalt To your comment: “It seems rather counterproductive to go to such lengths to encourage Beta-behavior when women really want an Alpha. Is it just a disconnect between what women believe they should want and what they actually want?” I’m thinking it’s a screening process. If a woman can convince you to take the bait and chop your own balls off to qualify to her, then you do the work of disqualifying yourself instead of her. She saves her valuable time and energy, the lesser men are clearly identified and thus ignored, leaving the valuable top Alpha in plain sight… Read more »
@Jeremy
Last halloween, I dressed up in my literal best clothes. When people asked me why I wearing such a nice suit, I said, “This is my costume, I’m a cisgendered, intelligent white man… If you follow social trends, I’m the scariest thing on the planet right now.”
You almost got a spittake from me out of that one. I don’t want to replace this laptop yet, you asshole.
Debating if I should just hit the clubs over dressed in a suit. When asked what I’ve come as: “The sexiest motherfucker in here. Duh.”
@MikePhil “I’m thinking it’s a screening process. If a woman can convince you to take the bait and chop your own balls off to qualify to her, then you do the work of disqualifying yourself instead of her. She saves her valuable time and energy, the lesser men are clearly identified and thus ignored, leaving the valuable top Alpha in plain sight and in fair game.” This. It’s why they get a spike of attraction when you pass shit-tests, you’re showing that you’re an alpha. That’s why girls who have “huge bitch-shields” often turn into purring kittens when you learn… Read more »
@Sun Wukong “Debating if I should just hit the clubs over dressed in a suit. When asked what I’ve come as: “The sexiest motherfucker in here. Duh.”” Do it. I like to make them guess because it builds more rapport, they can guess and I can tease them about their guess or keep it mysterious or THEN say “the sexiest motherfucker in here”. No reason to throw away a chance to spike some emotions with an instant answer that ends that part of the interaction. Milk every segment of the interaction for as much emotional impact as you can. I’m… Read more »
@CaveClown It’s frustrating and (in moments of empathy) heartbreaking to see how very competent women can be at making you happy and fulfilling your needs, and thereby to see how little they tried before. She played the incompetent victim, the buffoon with you for years. And now that her feet are against the fire she shows it was all a sham, a manipulation, a simple matter of no fucks given. I’m sure you spent plenty of worry and pain trying to figure out what you were doing wrong, what you could do to help teach her what you wanted, how… Read more »
@YaReally
Brilliant strategy, right? Why weed through a group of 100 men to find that elusive top male, when a woman can get the men to sort themselves for her?
It’s like panning for gold with 80% less work. That’s what a shit test is; if the guy folds at the first bit of resistance, he wasn’t THE guy.
“The point is, can you maintain the degree of dread she feels now? If not, she can’t maintain the level of behavior she expresses now.” I probably could, in fact i could increase it fairly easily. Dread is easier now that she passed the 30 yr mark, lol. But its been negotiated desire since day 1. My ego is having a hard time with that. “good” sex has only ever happened if she is under direct threat of divorce. Hell, it was “missionary” only for the first two years of our marriage. Honeymoon period, and no desire. Thanks forge, you’re… Read more »
“Note to self: YaReally really digs Halloween.” I had no game last year, and some chick brought me her HB8 friend and had me make out with her and feel her up. She was super into it. I saw her being chewed out by some guy a few minutes later lol. Some other girl I tried to dance with was with a BF so she rebuffed me, but I think she like me cause she found like 3 other girls to throw at me on the dance floor. Then another girl grabbed me near the end of the night and… Read more »
@YaReally & @MikePhil “I’m thinking it’s a screening process. If a woman can convince you to take the bait and chop your own balls off to qualify to her, then you do the work of disqualifying yourself instead of her. She saves her valuable time and energy, the lesser men are clearly identified and thus ignored, leaving the valuable top Alpha in plain sight and in fair game.” This. Somehow this reminds me of… http://www.motherjones.com/files/BrowserPreview_tmp-5.gif Where the Sheriff in this case plays the part of the hot girl at a club. She’s basically just chumming the waters with her appearance/skin/etc.,… Read more »
@Rollo Yup. Two more things to add: 1) Don’t be intimidated by the “woo guys” with costumes who seem like the life of the party and the guys dressed as 300 Gladiators etc. A lot of those guys are just in party mode and will end up going home alone or with an aggressive 6/10. Cheers those guys and tell them “holy shit, how am I supposed to get any girls with you guys here, I gotta do some more situps or something” and usually they’re nice dudes who want everyone around them to have fun and you can ride… Read more »
Verbatim what I tell my ‘pour’ staff. Beware of girls getting too liquored up. Once they pass the point it becomes burden, not a benefit and all the Game you applied for 2 hours only locks you into a sloppy drunk you have to drive home rather than the enthusiastically consenting hotty in the sexy nurse outfit.
Martinis are like tits gentlemen. One’s not enough, but three is too many.
@Jeremy
“Where the Sheriff in this case plays the part of the hot girl at a club. She’s basically just chumming the waters with her appearance/skin/etc., watching smaller fish gobble it up. She’s basically paying zero real attention, not sure if she’ll ever see anything that impressed her… Then all of the sudden she needs a bigger boat.”
Very apt. I’ll probably steal this metaphor for my pep talks with my buddies lol
Somehow this reminds me of…
Jeremy,
That is incredibly accurate. That look on his face . . . it’s perfect.
” . . . (like 7pm) and those girls probably haven’t had food since at least 3pm maybe even noon.”
That’s normal eating, if you aren’t trying to live on 800 calories per day of watercress and sugar cubes. I’ve been known to go 48 hours simply forgetting to eat if I’m working on something attention absorbing.
GW, welcome aboard as a commenter. What took you so long? (to comment?) Some thoughts: A. You do have to always have your game attitude on. But as you master game better it will get easier and more natural, so it won’t seem like so much work as you progress. It’s your own damn fault you abdicated dominance and engagement in the past, so now you are just paying dues for that :). The fact that you have a hard time relaxing and smiling is simply because you take your avocation of red pill and game seriously.That’s good. You take… Read more »
The idea that “gender is a social construct” is perhaps the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard. It’s incredible that some people actually believe this, and a boon to society that we have people like Rollo to enlighten us.
I only wanted to comment to let you know this essay may be one of your best yet, thanks for sharing
@Rollo “Verbatim what I tell my ‘pour’ staff. Beware of girls getting too liquored up. Once they pass the point it becomes burden, not a benefit and all the Game you applied for 2 hours only locks you into a sloppy drunk you have to drive home rather than the enthusiastically consenting hotty in the sexy nurse outfit.” Yup. I head out early so I can get them when they’re sober and try to sway them off drinking (qualify them like you’re impressed that they aren’t a drunk bar ditz and they’re more inclined to drink waters with you). Also… Read more »
@Cave: I actually expected this to happen when you file for divorce. It seems some theories are right. The question what to do is harder.. I don’t think you have to file is as “negotiated desire”. Desire is a fight. The point is you can’t negotiate and ask for agreement, but surely you can fight. The point is not to fight to reach some goal, to be able to stop fighting, but to enjoy it and get used to it so you don’t feel the burden anymore. And you are rewarded for it actually, aren’t you? But maybe you got… Read more »
Hey YaReally, if you’re still here
I have a good town for sarging, but my house is like a 15 minute drive from the downtown. Is that a huge logistical hurdle? Will a girl freak out if you try to drive her that far, like start thinking you’re some murderer driving her to a swamp?
I mean, naturally my own attitude and being relaxed is key here, but I’m just on the lookout for potential hurdles while I’m still new. I’m seeing if I should just go for her place or some fooling in an alley instead lol.
@GW: What a success story. Maybe you can just relax a little bit? You proved yourself now you can turn things around. You could do it again any time if necessary. Right? You fail some shit-test, you notice something changed, you fix it. Stop worrying.
Excellent post Rollo. Locke, Jung, et al were not much more than pampered idle spoiled rotten “privileged” morons who frittered and wasted away their time practicing extreme bullshit artistry during the period of “enlightenment”. That period afforded those babied fools the leisure time to waste their energies masturbating their egos, pontificating various lies and attempting to alter reality. The period could just as legitimately be referred to as “the period of disillusionment”. Some good came of the enlightenment period, but it also enabled a plethora of nonsense including the fantasy that “all men are created equal”. All generations have been… Read more »
“But maybe you got oneitis and need a cure?” Ya definitely. I had that shit, it will distort all of your perceptions until it’s gone. Then you’ll wonder what the problem is lol. Cave’s angst about her ‘not truly’ desiring him, about it all being ‘negotiated,’ is the oneitis triggering his idealism. Even porn star sex isn’t existentially satisfying because his oneitis is telling him that there’s some ‘true desire’ out there that will make him feel better about the circumstance, if only he could elicit it. Cave, what she’s showing now is true, unnegotiated desire for any sane definition… Read more »
@Forge the sky
Something tells me you are not going to go out on Halloween with no costume.
What is your costume?
@Forge the Sky “I have a good town for sarging, but my house is like a 15 minute drive from the downtown.” I’ve known guys who’ve had to drive girls to their place 30+ min thru dead empty highways in the middle of the night lol I’ve never lived closer than a 30 min bus ride to the bars until recently but was able to pull. “Is that a huge logistical hurdle?” It just means you’ll have to keep on your game, sprinkle some Attract, build rapport, make sure you have music you can play to keep her state up,… Read more »
@SJF Heh. Tonight I’m just going with an edgy suit. I’ll tell girls I’m a hipster James Bond if pressed. Tomorrow, I’ve got a functional Keltic warrior costume I’ve been making. h/t to @kfg, ha. Just have to field test it tomorrow to make sure I won’t freeze/it won’t fall off. And I need to figure out how to strap on the sword, or if I should just leave it behind. Never actually done a full-blown costume before, we’ll see how it flies. A few chick co-workers were super pissed they couldn’t go with me (going to family events, etc).… Read more »
Thanks @YaReally. It’d be a poor reference first pull to have some chick start flipping out on the drive back lol. My CD player’s busted, hope the radio plays decent stuff if it comes to that. Gonna hit it just 2 hours or so tonight, I’m fighting back a cold or some shit. Unless I start having a blast 😉 @Rollo Good reminder with the booze, it’s easy to forget how much harder it can hit a girl. What with the smaller size, lesser lean body mass, and lower alcohol dehydrogenase production it cuts their tolerance solidly in half compared… Read more »
Thanks for the help guys Feelz ahead, read in Cartman’s voice for better entertainment value. Ok, 1. Oneitis, yes. Bad. 2. Reinforcing the oneitis is that I feel I don’t have the game skills or self-confidence to consistently get laid without her. 3. Its been a long 10+ years to get here, do I even care about her anymore? 4. I dislike monogamy. 5. I’m not against gaming outside the marriage, and have done so. But it is a small town (100k) and that brings about a real scarcity of women, and concerns over my reputation. 6. I travel a… Read more »
I was at the doc’s a few months back. HB8 taking my blood and such. I teased her a bit, she responded well, and it was a good interaction.
Knows my wife, so no escalation.
Then she measured my height (first time there, so needed for records)
5’8″
Her attitude changed dramatically. She went cold. I was fine to flirt with until then, but after that jolt to her system of how short I am, she changed.
I am one cocky son of a bitch, but that killed me.
I would like to make a point. But please don’t get pissed you guys. It is often that older men “wish someone would have told them this 20 years ago”. And please, don’t think I’m humble bragging or glossing myself. It is something I would tell my son. What I see in comments from Andy, Wacokid and CaveClown is that they are experiencing ennui in marriage. They feel like they settled. They want more than their wives can offer. (for them at this point all they can do is adapt, control the things they can and accept the things they… Read more »
@GW “However, I was raised by a single mom and trained to be beta…training that is painful and hard to undo as I am finding out and as Rollo has pointed out.” That’s relatable @Forge the sky “At root, people with BPD feel like shit about themselves. So they can’t respect anyone who treats them well. They don’t understand how you can treat someone well out of altruism. They don’t understand altruism, they only understand power.” http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JGvIRwYMaHw @MikePhil “if the guy folds at the first bit of resistance, he wasn’t THE guy.” It’s why the red pill is so damn… Read more »
SJF
I will admit defeat. I am at a complete and utter loss.
I’ll just keep reading and learning. I don’t know what I thought I knew.
What? You got ennui?
SJF
Lol. No ennui here.
I just feelz out of step with what’s happening with my brothers.
I mean, Cave saying that the HB8 shut down on him, and he believes that it’s because he’s 5’8″?
I’m not a good enough writer to express my thoughts. I wish I could mind meld or something….
I have to take guy’s word for what’s going on in the ” field ” , but I have a hard time wrapping my thick skull around it.
So I will just listen and learn.
I desperately want to advise, but I’m coming up short.
So Rollo I pose no competitive blog threat.
One area that seems to be of critical importance in maintaining frame is the traditional stance where the man is the breadwinner. I think you alluded to that here somewhat Rollo, but I have also heard you mention in other interviews that your wife would follow your Career if that meant moving or whatever. I’m not sure if she’s a stay at home mom, but it was obvious that her career played second fiddle. The challenge today is that many women are the breadwinners or earn just as much as the man. It must be nearly impossible to implement all… Read more »
“I mean, Cave saying that the HB8 shut down on him, and he believes that it’s because he’s 5’8″?”
Actually blax, this was really helpful.
Seriously.
@Blaximus
There is in fact a popular meme about height among women. Chicks are straight up hateful about that shit. Seeing as only something like 17% of the male population is 6’+, it’s no different than anything else they use to insist on a top 20% male.
Not to say it can’t be overcome, but if I were to name one unchangeable characteristic that hurts a dude the most that would be it.
Cave,
pardon my hamfistedness ( if that’s a word even..) but 5’8″ isn’t short. 5’1″ is short.
I dunno man. I get the whole ” what women find attractive ” thing, but I don’t buy it fully. I mean, they have their initial reactions, which are usually a bullshit set of instructions they run off of, but they always try to gain the upper hand in even the most meaningless interaction.
Don’t let them have it. They love to flake out and fuck with our heads.
“I just feelz out of step with what’s happening with my brothers.” “I have to take guy’s word for what’s going on in the ” field ” , but I have a hard time wrapping my thick skull around it.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m the least empathetic person I know, but I feelz for my in-real-life brothers out there (and to a certain extent to my virtual on-line brothers). Seems there is lack of quality out there even for some of the top 20%ers. I don’t even get off on the schadenfreude with the… Read more »
Sun I hear ya, and I do not doubt it. It just angers me because it’s so stupid. Chicks are morons if they go for ” tall ” guys. I get the whole breeding mind fuck thing, but ….damn…shallow shit. Funny thing is that chicks suck at heights and lengths. A chick told me I had a 13 inch dick, another said it was 4 inches.Women say my brother in-laws and I are the same height, they are 6’4 and 6’2 and I just make 6′. Just tell every chick that asks ” how tall are you ” that you’re… Read more »
It strikes me that Jung is very different from tabula rasa. Jung suggests that archetypes, the contents of the collective unconscious, form a type of a priori knowledge a la Kant. The idea of anima and animus still requires a priori knowledge.
Changing the subject to a few posts upstream. Solomon: “If we only evolved to be this way, then we can evolve right back the other way. Now that we have conquered nature, we can simply evolve to where women can do that stuff too, and the femmes would make the case that indeed we should. They indirectly suggest that their attempts at equalism are a noble effort in that direction, and if evolution is all it takes, then theirs is a noble mission that will succeed.” Yogi: “Good article, Rollo. However, I’m not convinced it has to be one or… Read more »
@CaveClown
Am I right in assuming that measuring your height is the last thing or nearly the last thing she did before leaving you on the wax paper?
If so, I wouldn’t read too much into it, her job requires her to maintain some clinical detachment. It’s no different than presuming a hot bartender will go home with you because she’s smiling at you.
@Blaximus The average male in the US is 5’9.2″, but hypergamy doesn’t want average. I stand 5’10” and find that my 5’8″ and shorter friends have a motherfucker of a time getting female attention as a rule. One of my best friends of almost 20 years is 5’7″, suffers from social anxiety and OCD, and has issues with women that make me feel elated about my N of 19 even with the fact that very few of mine were better than an HB5. Dude had a HB4 that strung him along for 6 dates before I had to tell him… Read more »
Being really short may indeed be a disadvantage. I wonder though how much is coming from an inferiority complex of short men. Those I know seem to have it and are overly concerned with height.
I’m almost spot on avarage height and I never felt it mattered in any way. My hottest LTR was actually slightly taller than me and a lot taller appearing when she was on high heels. It was no issue.
Don’t find reasons why she wouldn’t want to fuck you.
“Am I right in assuming that measuring your height is the last thing or nearly the last thing she did before leaving you on the wax paper?
If so, I wouldn’t read too much into it, her job requires her to maintain some clinical detachment. It’s no different than presuming a hot bartender will go home with you because she’s smiling at you.”
Yes, last thing she did. I know not to interpret women that get paid to be friendly as actually interested.
“Chicks can lose weight, men can’t gain height.”
But chicks can gain height.
“My hottest LTR was actually slightly taller than me and a lot taller appearing when she was on high heels.”
Q.E.D.
Don’t let anyone get the idea you need higher shoes. I prefer shoes with low sole. The point is to own it of course: “I am such a badass, this hotbabe can appear half a head taller than me and still be totally attracted.”
Boy how I enjoyed it when she made me drama scenes on a crowded street, screaming and yelling at me full of emotions while bending her gorgeous body trying to look at me from below. She did that several times when she was afraid to loose me and she got me every time that way.
“Don’t let anyone get the idea you need higher shoes.”
And don’t let anyone get the idea that I was advocating it. I was making a point about women, not men.
Heels are for riding. Flats are for walking.
Other tall women I’ve known often wear lower shoes because they knew it could make men afraid. Mine didn’t. For her it was a filter, any man who was afraid of it was out. Now you can say such a women wants the 6’3+ man. Or you can see it as a simple shit-test.
@CaveClown Yes, last thing she did. I know not to interpret women that get paid to be friendly as actually interested. I wasn’t implying ignorance. I was just trying to point out that regardless of how charming you might have been, or how attractive, she has to complete her rounds. This means she can’t walk around thinking about how charming you were if she’s going to do her job with the next patient. You did what you could, you got good reactions from her, don’t beat yourself up because she had to revert to a professional demeanor at her job.… Read more »
I wear boots that get me to the 5’9″ range (a hair short)
I think I just need to quit being a whiny bitch, get off the internet, and fucking approach.
I’m the type of guy that walks into a room of people, throws his hands up and loudly proclaims, “Ok! the party’s here!”
So I’ve got confidence and charm.
I bury this insecurity DEEP and this is really the only place I have shown it.
Jeremy, no man, I didn’t think you implied ignorance on my part. I’m just saying that I know enough to not think that women on the job are really interested if they flirt, which is why I flirt like crazy with them…it’s safe.
I’ve got all sorts of buffers, don’t I? Shit.
But yet when I approach, virtually no AA? WTF? (unless it is an HB8-9 or any night venue like a bar, fuck that, AA through the roof)
Maybe I’ll just go out and get rejected as much as humanly possible…
@yareally
her place a 10 min drive away is probably better than your place 30 min away
I always loved Julien’s video where is talking about getting started in PUA and having the girls to hike miles (km for Julien) back to his place.
But chicks can gain height
As noted boots can help. The country guys wear boots and often cowboy hats, giving the overall visual appearance of much higher than they are. Thus on Halloween I’ve gone out as a cowboy.
An extra hour has been added to the pick-up clock tomorrow, FRs please.
your talk about equalism is interesting especially after seeing this “alpha woman” talk about how no man can match her tolerate her awesome alpha woman-ness: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/im-elitist-just-alpha-female-amanda-bradford
What she looks like in a more recent and less professional photo than her profile pic:
http://static4.businessinsider.com/image/55bf61212acae78a008bc68e-1200/this-is-amanda-bradford-shes-the-founder-of-the-league.jpg
Welcome to 31, honey, it don’t get no better than this.
@thomas osgoode when that elitist/alpha female dating site article came out I tried to figure out a better business model, and had some fun with sarcastic dating site attempts, such as the dating site for elite athletes the dating site for top grossing movie stars the dating site for billionaires Ashley Mansion In my revamped business strategy, her failing site would become the “dating site for Higher Achievers”. Anybody could join, but to be identified as a HA you would need to get vetted (much like in her business), though HA would be deliberately vague. HAs would have the preference… Read more »
@cave “So I’ve got confidence and charm. I bury this insecurity DEEP and this is really the only place I have shown it.” Perfect. I brought forward insecurities I didn’t even know I HAD here. If you don’t have some place to figure them out they’re just gonna stay there. It’s one of those things where addressing deep-seated insecurity (even if it’s not too major) will set back your external confidence for a while. Like, maybe a year. But when you get through it, it will be from a stronger, more entirely ‘yourself’ place in the end. And buffers will… Read more »
FR incoming from last night, gotta meet some people here first.
on The Red Pill movie/kickstarter, it’s unfortunate that this mistake in branding will occur I have a treatment for a gender wars movie that I can easily turn into a script in a few days. However producing the movie would cost $50M, or $100M if top talent, or $150M if Sam voiced the trailer. Viral/social media marketing for this movie would be easy. Disney will probably buy the rights, force me to do dozens of script rewrites, turn it over to the script doctors, and we’ll have Cinderella II, how a strong independent woman took on the haters and found… Read more »
1) Less cynical redpill: men and women are complimentary and of the same fundamental worth. 2) more cynical redpill: men and women are complimentary but due to the nature of the complimentary dynamic, it is necessary that man sees himself as superior in worth and acts accordingly. Defining worth is only relative to what is valuable according to the demands of a particular task or ability to adapt to environment. A lot is getting made about the example of the male proficiency with rational cognition and math skills as the prime example on twitter about this post. The counterargument is… Read more »
@All – Thought provoking article and interchange, I’m enjoying reading along. @Cave – My advice? Your issue lies within. My Red Pill journey started similarly to your’s in that my world was severely fucked up and the RP provided all these answers. And even subtle changes in my game and behavior in general yielded good gains. But then I realized that something much more profound had happened to me. The FI informed socialization I’d been ground up by for 50 years wasn’t just operating on the outside anymore, no, I had internalized important aspects of it. I actually valued myseld… Read more »
Scribblerg, thanks for that comment.
I am truly grateful to have found this place.
Rollo, my sincerest thanks for your work, it can’t be said enough.
All,
Thank you for what you provide here.
@Rollo “A lot is getting made about the example of the male proficiency with rational cognition and math skills as the prime example on twitter about this post. The counterargument is that women can be as proficient at math as men if they are given the instruction and opportunity to become so. Various collegiate tests track that women can indeed become as proficient as men in mathematics and therefore must possess the same hardware as men do in this respect. “What the tests don’t track for is the statistical natural aptitude boys/men have with rational cognition and analytical thought. The… Read more »
Thanks CaveClown & lh for the encouragement. Thanks Rollo for the indirect compliment. Encouragement & Support is probably half of what I need by itself. This is a lonely transition. Since I have no Red Pill friends, I am finding myself alone a lot recently and not getting enough positive guy time as I distance myself from their less alpha ways. I need new friends with ambition, including more chats here with you guys going through your versions of the same thing I am. However, I know also need someone to push me (hold me accountable with honest feedback) to… Read more »
Great scientific complimentary. I read it twice.
Ps,
I rented a new parking spot today . It was from a Chinese couple, his wife was sweeping leafs, husband was standing , I went towards him to pay, he says ; no no, you give money to my wife ! , I got so confused , I’m still trying to understand his ways of complimentary.
“The idea that “gender is a social construct” is perhaps the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard.” Every role is a social construct. Gender roles are social constructs, too. A lot of people say Nature vs. Nurture, but it’s really Nature via Nurture. You can have different gender roles for men and women based on biological dispositions, but the specific roles are still social constructs. You can absolutely train a woman to perform most tasks a man can do at SOME level of competency, she just probably won’t ever reach top levels of performance and it involves a lot of… Read more »
Alright, field report from last night. I’m at a novice enough level that I wouldn’t be surprised if the best feedback people can give is ‘keep going out bro you’ll get there’ lol but if anything stands out I’d be glad for the input. Overall the city was less full than I expected. I suppose people are waiting for tonight for the big excursions. I wore a funky suit that I suspect may have gotten me more friendly opens but tended to make interactions asexual by default in these high-energy venues. Interesting. I went into 3 empty-ish bars before I… Read more »
“The sheer volume of men drawn to mathematics and other STEM fields far outweighs the natural interests women have in these cognitive fields.” Majority women(not all) hate the abstract thinking needed for Physics, Mathematics and applied field of Engineering. FWIW, in India right now women outnumber men as the top professors , scientists and researchers in fields of Pharmacy, Chemistry and Biology.(pay differential also being a reason) But then again within these fields where algorithms and mathematics (as tools) come into picture, the men do it. In my own sisters words, she hates Physics and Maths but loves Chem and… Read more »
blackphilo
In the naive excitement of my early Red Pill days a few years ago (courtesy of you and Dalrock), I was eager to have those discussions with my female friends.
Demonstrate, don’t explicate. Telling women about reality is boring, it insults them superficially, it’s tl;dr. Just show them.
Just. Show. Them.
Hmm. Two pages and Wild Man has not yet shown up to discuss his own idea?
“Something I’ve been wondering for quite some time…why is androgyny the covert goal of feminism?”
Penis Envy. Some psychologists believe it to be a valid disorder. Feminists want the testosterone that gives us as men the drive to run the world. They want it, can’t have it, and laugh hysterically on their daytime talk shows when one of us loses the source of it.
Society assigns ” worth ” and the definition can become warped beyond all reasonable recognition. In men and women, there are particular innate abilities. Things that come naturally through physical and biological attributes. Sure, anyone can be ” taught ” to do anything, regardless of the sex of the subject in question, but there is a substantial difference in ” teaching ” someone to do a task or fill a role, and someone doing the same role through an innate ability. Developing innate abilities increases innovation. Innovation is the engine that drives civilization forward. Teaching brings about proficiency at a… Read more »
@Forge The Sky Props on going out dude. Good job opening, that’s half the battle. You’re getting into sets fine it sounds like so now you just need to get some man-to-woman intent in there. Common thing guys need to work on, I’ve known dudes who go sarge for YEARS and don’t figure this shit out: Pay attention at 4:30 in this vid (and later on his exercise about disagreeing with girls): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24SL_QEmVVI The first half of that vid is about eye-contact but Gambler and Liam cover it better here (I hate the “woo-woo” explanations of this stuff like “project… Read more »
” The fundamental hallmarks of intellectualism are necessary only for innovation, not repetition. A fast learner is not necessarily a good thinker, one need only look at the Chinese to see emulation rather than innovation; women, Chinese or not, are much the same.”
Illimitable Men.
(really watch girls at the club, their entire night is based around pumping their own states up, they’re masters of it…us guys chode around in a corner scared to risk embarrassing ourselves and not looking as cool as James Bond, while girls will run out onto the dance floor and shake their ass to Miley Cyrus shit with no fucks given, so they end up unstifled and guys end up staying stifled). Was watching that on travel earlier this week near a campus. That exact thing, the girlies twirling, shaking, squatting, doing the bendover. One or two in particular were… Read more »
“Something I’ve been wondering for quite some time…why is androgyny the covert goal of feminism?”
Because betaboys will go for it, but natural alpha’s won’t. So androgyny works with the 80-20 rule of female hypergamy quite neatly, in separating out the BB from the AF.
Feminism is not some startling force of alien invasion from outer space, it’s a manifestation of the FI.
@Anonymous Reader “Any man with a soild frame and ZFG would have stood out like a road flare on fire.” If anyone wants to experiment with how powerful frame control and ignoring social pressure/conditioning is, try going up to girls dancing high-energy like that, especially early in the night where it’s only girls on the dance floor, and open them without dancing, and just treat it like you’re not standing on a dance floor at all just keep calm solid minimal movement body language with no leaning in and, if you can hold your frame that YOU’RE the one being… Read more »
Rollo Tomassi said “It’s not that we don’t share the same hardware, we differ in the firmware. Boys are generally born with an inborn ‘gift’ for accurately throwing objects. Thus the “you throw like a girl” jibe because girls tend to lack this inborn firmware. ”
Small bone to pick here; but I am not challenging your underlying point.
Men and women do have different hardware when it comes to throwing objects. Men’s muscles differ from women’s in many ways, one is an increased percentage of fast twitch fibers.
Great stuff again, YaReally. I’m never gonna dance anymore.
Your very practical hints and explanations are pure gold. I don’t understand how anyone could go out in a costume after your points on “no costume game”. Just do what YaReally spelled out in so much detail and you’ll be top 20% already.
Tonight’s a great night to stay home and create.
I can’t stand parties.
@GW: YaReally said “what you feel, she feels” because women ping off their environment for how to feel. As long as you feel insecure about “am I doing enough/right” she will pick up on it. Not because it wouldn’t be enough, just because you are insecure about it. You needed some recalibration and might need more yet, I don’t know. But from what you described I got the impression it is enough. The final state is a relaxed ZFG. It’s like “just be yourself” only now yourself is something different than the BluePill version. And the key to the right… Read more »
If anyone wants to experiment with how powerful frame control and ignoring social pressure/conditioning is…
Excellent. Perfect, in fact.
Say, Rollo, where’s the pic at the top of the posting from?
“One reason egalitarianism is an appealing cover story for feminism is because its primary goal is leveling the sexual competition playing field for all women to optimize Hypergamy at the expense of men’s own sexual strategy interests.” This is really the crux of it on a macro level. And it is very visible when you observe westernised & urbanised societies, the whole, “What men can do….” pseudo-intellectual rallying cry. “If all is equal, if men’s basic biological impulses are reduced to shamed criminality, if women can expect men to be aroused by their perceived value of their self-defined self-worth, then… Read more »
“The reason feminism hates the Red Pill – in its concrete sense – is because it more accurately predicts human behavior than feminism and equalism have ever been capable of.”
Plus, it also equips men with male MPO, AAAAAAND, furthermore, a strong tool with which to counter women/F.I. sexual strategy!
“…how long can this go on though?”
Until the fempocalypse and shit gets real again.
@Anonymous Reader “Say, Rollo, where’s the pic at the top of the posting from?” Since Rollo’s out demonstrating his pre-selection, allow me: Google has a “search google for this image” feature built in to Chrome browser by just right clicking on the image. I think there is also a way that you can search google in other browsers. http://www.boredpanda.com/burning-man-festival-adults-babies-love-aleksandr-milov-ukraine/ There were thousands of beautiful works of art at this year’s Burning Man festival in Nevada, but there’s one that really caught people’s eyes and invited them to interpret its meaning. ‘Love,’ by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov, features two wire-frame adults… Read more »
@kfg: “Until the fempocalypse and shit gets real again”
Indeed fam…indeed!
@Forge the Sky and YaReally Speaking of preselection, don’t you think there could have been a bit more pre-selection in Forge’s game last night? I sense the sets of 2 or 3 girls that he approached didn’t get that vibe of pre-selection from him. From what I recall, Forge is quite handsome and well groomed in general. And he’s not too short by any means. I think his pre-selection value would be upped exponentially by a wing-girl or a wingman in this particular field report and situation. Befriending some of the males before or after a set of girls showed… Read more »
@ScribblerG I love you man. Just got back from dinner with my wife and another couple at the country club. I broke out a nice Argentinian 2003 Malbec for the other three from the wine locker. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in what will be three months tonight at midnight. And from now on it is either moderation or nothing for me. I’m not going back to what was a bad habit for me, (rather than specifically an addiction). And thanks for the reference to Marc Lewis’ “The Biology of Desire” book. This book is a recommended read… Read more »
And thanks for the reference to Marc Lewis’ “The Biology of Desire” book. This book is a recommended read for anyone that has any ruts they are in in their life, not just substance abuse. It describes how you can get out of a rut (including a rut like One-itis) by retraining your limbic system by having other dopamine inputs to redirect your neuroplastic brain. +1 on that. It’s not a self-help book but the explanations of the brain interspersed with real life situations makes it easy and informative to read. Not done with it yet but already I’m choosing… Read more »
You can still use the main Google page to search for an image. It might come in handy in the future to see where Rollo’s pictures came from and the original artist’s interpretation.
Go to images (top right of the main Google page). Then when you click on that image button a dialogue box has a tiny camera icon on which you can click on and then enter the URL of the image (you obviously get this url by right clicking on Rollo’s original image).
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/Derm95/google%20images.jpg
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/Derm95/images2.jpg
YaReally – not sure if you saw it, but you should check out my comment on CH’s “Female attraction trigger” post from last week. Not a question – a story about how I saw an actual homeless dude in his 50s run Mystery Method day game on a very hot mid-twenties girl.
I mean, talk about Looks Don’t Matter and seeing it reinforced….
YaReally: lol. I saw you LITERALLY just quoted my CH comment on this thread, after I posted my comment. ..