I’m working another contract gig for the next few months, and recently I had an interesting encounter with a new girl on my team. She’s 34, Japanese (dual citizenship) maybe an HB 6.5-7 and over the summer she hooked up with a guy here who she had a somewhat monogamous relationship with until he transferred to Australia last August.
This girl is ‘in love’ with this guy who’s not aloof to her, and not fully indifferent, but he sets himself as his first priority and never considered turning down his transfer in order to continue anything with her. The guy is nothing special to look at. No muscle definition, kind of fat-thin if you know what I mean, but pasty white, ginger, not out of shape but not in shape, maybe 5′ 11″.
She cannot shut up about what a ‘real man’ he is. She bought a $2,200 ticket to visit him for a week and a half in January and has made a personalized calendar as a gift for him that has photos all of these events they shared together over the summer, every month with a heartfelt description of some thing she loves about him included.
To her, this guy is Alpha as fuck. On Tinder, this guy would be a left swipe 100% of the time. His attitude is indifferent Alpha, but he’s self-concerned. This girl idolizes him.
Granted there’s a lot more going on here to consider; her being well past the Epiphany Phase, necessitous and urgently wanting to consolidate on a long term monogamy makes this guy into an idealized prospect. Thus he became her Alpha, if not anyone else’s. Granted, it’s mostly situational; she thinks she wants to have kids with him and at 34 that clock is about to expire, but she has to come to him, literally and figuratively.
However, although the guy is definitely a ‘contextual Alpha’, he’s got a genuine Alpha-ish bearing that translates into his being self-aware of his condition and really not giving a damn what anyone else might think. He’s got total Frame control, but it’s not an intentional control, and that natural casualness of indifference only makes her want to please him that much more. There may be a cultural element to this as well, but to hear her talk about other, lesser men, it’s apparent she’s been very much westernized in her sense of entitlement.
Self-Concern Without Self-Awareness
People think I’m crazy to hold up a guy like Corey Worthington as the example of an Alpha Buddah, but this guy has the same unpracticed, self-unaware, mojo as Corey.
Personally, I was at my most Alpha when I didn’t realize I was. That’s not Zen, it’s just doing what came natural for me at a point in my life when I had next to nothing materially, only a marginal amount of social proof, but a strong desire to enjoy women for the sake of just enjoying them in spite of it.
I’ve mentioned before, the most memorable sex I’ve had has been when I was flat broke (mostly). It didn’t matter that I lived in a 2 room studio in North Hollywood or had beer and mac & cheese in the fridge – I got laid and I had women come to me for it.
It didn’t take my doing anything for a woman to get laid or hold her interest. All I did was make myself my mental point of origin. It’s when I started putting women as a goal, making them into more than just a source of enjoyment, that I transferred that mental point of origin to her and I became the necessitous one.
A lot of guys will call that being ‘needy’, and I suppose it is, but it’s a neediness that results from putting a woman (or another person) as your first thought – your mental point of origin.
I’ve used this term in a few posts so I thought it deserved a bit more explanation.
Your mental point of origin is really your own internalized understanding about how you yourself fit into your own understanding of Frame.
If Frame is the dominant narrative of a relationship (not limited to just romantic relations), your mental point of origin is the import and priority to which you give to the people and/or ideas involved in that relationship. It is the first thought you have when considering any particular of a relationship, and it’s often so ingrained in us that it becomes an autonomous mental process.
For most of us our understanding of that point of origin develops when we’re children. Kids are necessarily “selfish”, sometimes cruel and greedy because our first survival instinct is to naturally put ourselves as our mental point of origin. Only later, with parenting and learning social skills do we begin to share, cooperate, empathize and sympathize as our mental point of origin shifts to putting the concerns of others before our own.
Young boys are generally very Alpha because of this unlearned self-importance. This is the source of the almost zen-like, mater-of-fact Alpha bearing of Corey Worthington. As I said, he’s not a ‘man’ anyone ought to aspire to, but he is an Alpha without intent or self-awareness.
There is a ‘first thought’ balance we have to maintain in a pro-social respect in order to develop healthy relationships. The problem we run into today is one in which boys are (largely) raised to be the men who provide more than they need in order to establish a future family. That learned, conditioned, mental point of origin is almost always focused outward and onto the people he hopes will reciprocate by placing him as their own point of origin.
Natural feminine solipsism makes this exchange a losing prospect. Women are both raised and affirmed by a vast social mechanism that not just encourages them to put themselves as their mental point of origin, but it shames and ostracizes them for placing it on someone or something other than themselves.
By now I’m sure that much of this comes off as some encouragement towards a retaliatory selfishness or narcissism, but putting oneself as his own point of origin doesn’t have to mean being anti-social or sociopathic. It requires a conscious decision to override an internalized understanding of oneself, but by placing yourself as your mental point of origin you are better positioned to help others and judge who is worth that effort.
It often requires some emotional trauma for men to realign themselves as their own point of origin, and I feel this is a necessary part of unplugging, but the real challenge is in how you deal with that trauma in a Red Pill aware state. If you are to kill the Beta in you, the first step is placing yourself as your mental point of origin.
So my weekend discussion questions are this: Are you your mental point of origin?
Is your first inclination to consider how something in your relationships will affect you or your girlfriend/wife/family/boss?
When men fall into relationships with authoritarian, feminine-primary women, their first thought about any particulars of their actions is how his woman will respond to it, not his own involvement or his motivations for it. Are you a peacekeeper?
Do you worry that putting yourself as your own first priority will turn a woman off or do you think it will engage her more fully?
Are you concerned that doing so may lead to your own form of solipsism, or do you think ‘enlightened self-interests’ serves your best interests and those with whom you want to help or become intimate with?
@Richard – Einstein said he hated people saying it’s all relative. He never called it the Theory of Relativity; other people stuck him with that. What he set out to do, and what he did, was discover what was absolute. The reference point that you can say “relative to what?” about.
As it turns out it wasn’t a thing or point, it was a natural law, the speed of light in a vacuum.
That’s what Rollo is trying to do here, nail down the absolute in human sexual dynamics, so we have a reference point for understanding the relative.
@ Glenn One of the last hurdles I have to get over is the guilt. Hobbes has mentioned that. I could probably have fucked at least a few women by now but I think one of the reasons I didn’t escalate was because I was afraid of hurting them. Nobody cared about hurting me and yet they did it again and again. When I hooked up with that one girl months ago I was able to escalate because I established that I didn’t want a relationship and asked if she just wanted to hook up. I might try that with… Read more »
@Glenn
Totaly agree. I look at everything as the apex predator. Makes life a lot more fun and simpler. Best reality check for when you are not functioning correctly. If you are not feeling predatory, then something is wrong.
Men are mentally better at getting from their point of origin to somewhere else. In order to score with the chicks.
Layne Vashro, Elizabeth Cashdan. Spatial cognition, mobility, and reproductive success in northwestern Namibia. Evolution and Human Behavior, 2014; DOI: 10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2014.09.009
@Rollo- Oh, thats nothing new to me. I remember a even worse case you wrote about – some married guy found a porno from his wife doing things she would never do with him. I’m well aware of that dynamic. But to me it’s all about how you, as a man, approach sex. In my experience- even as a beta, I always saw sex as fun and wild. I never judged, so they never felt uncomfortable. Well, its not that I didn’t judge, I just never let on about it. Oddly I always found the women who were most into… Read more »
@softek – Wow, thanks for being so open. I don’t have any specific advice beyond what I’ve already said. And it seems like you are working on this, so at some point results will come. The bottom line is that you need to get off the schneid – you have to sink your cock into a woman. I think you were on the right track with the one who was flirting with you. As for being cockblocked, if she was actually interested that is only temporary, so I’d consider going back to her. I invest my time in women who… Read more »
@ Glenn Thank you so much. I’ve been keeping up with your comments and I’ve found them definitely among the most helpful here. I’ve been using Faster EFT, which is similar to the Sedona Method. I used to have near panic attacks just making appointments, like dermatologist, dentist, etc., and have had tons of anxiety problems about things that have nothing to do with girls, like traveling, public transportation, applying for different jobs, or promoting my own services — when it gets bad I tend to be borderline agoraphobic. But I’ve been making appointments as needed, had some major dental… Read more »
I’ve also found that taking 1-2 grams of potassium citrate per day and taking 1-2 tablets (125-250 mg) of magnesium per day (Jigsaw brand is the best I’ve used) has been helping a lot as far as my mood stability goes. And especially taking them at night, they’ve been helping my insomnia tremendously, especially as I’ve kept up with them. I know the bulk of testosterone we produce is produced at night, at least if I remember correctly, and making sure I’m giving myself the best chance I have to produce as much testosterone as possible is one of my… Read more »
Congrats Softek
@Softek, I used to suffer from manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and social anxiety. I also learned about hypnosis, starting at about age 12. At age 16 I discovered meditation and noticed some important differences between the two mind training techniques. While hypnosis is very useful for dealing with beliefs, meditation can deal with mindfully re-training ones direct momentary experience. It was at 16 that I also discovered body the body centered meditation including hatha yoga. Also some of the self-hypnotic routines I did were body centered meditations; especially feeling love physically in areas of the body. Later in life I… Read more »
Oh, I also used to have runaway thoughts, and would sometimes crave peace from them. At times they even were close to voices in my head. The neurosis was so painful as to be a living hell and I’d think of suicide occasionally. And I had another condition, and I forget the name, where the russling of paper would give me the chills. It was the meditation that had the strongest effect on all of that, and all of that, including the worst of the social anxiety, went away by about the age of 21, after many long meditation retreats.… Read more »
While other people were out at college getting their career in order, I was out in a Buddhist monastery and in distant isolated forest hunters shacks or in a tent in an isolated sea-shore field or in big meditation centers, working to get my head in order. As an investment in my future, the meditation was far superior to working on a career. Later I worked on building up my own businesses, and that took decades to get off the ground. But the foundations for me were really worth the investment – taking the time out to just focus on… Read more »
@ xsplat We seem to be cut from a similar cloth. I dropped out of college after having a nervous breakdown and spent the next few years reading Buddhist texts, meditating on Zen koans, reading the Bible (I’d forgotten all the doctrine I’d learned growing up and wanted to read it as a spiritual text from my own perspective), and just reading everything I could about spirituality and psychology to get my head in order. Also intensively independently researching nutrition — that was a key player too, if not first and foremost. I’ve pretty much struggled with suicidal thoughts almost… Read more »
“I’ve pretty much struggled with suicidal thoughts almost daily since I was 12 or 13,” Ya, I was mostly normal, except for very minor OCD, up until puberty as well. You mentioned studying Buddhist material. Did you also regularly practice a meditation, such as sitting still and following the breath, or mantra, or similar? My gains in wellbeing took an extra-ordinary and long term effort. I’ve met very few people who have put in similar hours. Doing that was also of course not without risks and side effects. At one point I was seeing the guru pictures in 3-d and… Read more »
Oh, and I had a nervous breakdown too – even after most of my heavier meditation. That was due to the stresses of living with a BPD wife. The nervous breakdown is what got me out of there; I realized I had the option of staying with her and go crazy, or leave. It took about a year for my nervous system to recover. And I’ve had periods of needing anti-anxiety medicine. Moving to SEA fixed that – the pace here is easier, and you can get by on less, so there is less stress of what happens if things… Read more »
@ Softek – I concur with Xsplat that experiential approaches to developing a peaceful, positive outlook on life are great in the sense that they don’t get you caught up in your head. Example: Meditation is really about letting go of your attachment to your thoughts as who you “are” – you are having thoughts, you are not your thoughts. When you start to get that much of your “thinking” is really the squabbling babble of the “monkey mind”, well then you get to laugh really hard at how silly humans are in taking our much lauded consciousness so seriously.… Read more »
[…] of necessity and ideally cast off if he could change the game. To the Alpha who makes himself his mental point of origin, that burden is a challenge to be overcome and to strengthen oneself by. In either respect, both […]
[…] In Mental Point of Origin I explain how a man’s origin of thought is conditioned to default to a feminine purpose; he puts his first thought to the benefit of the feminine rather than himself and it takes either a very traumatic personal episode or a Red Pill awakening for a man to realize how thorough his conditioning has been. […]
[…] speaks to two issues here. A Man must place himself as his own Mental Point of Origin. In doing so he prioritizes himself as his primary importance which women find attractive, but you […]
[…] to protect the innocent). Just a little background first; Sadie is the Japanese woman I mention in Mental Point of Origin. She’s been divorced once and her relationship history is one punctuated by her involvement […]
“Your mental point of origin is really your own internalized understanding about how you yourself fit into your own understanding of Frame.”
Got it alpha is a mindset
[…] needs to become a man’s internalized nature. He needs to become his own self-important mental point of origin; that and a Red Pill aware nature take time to develop. Anyone telling you they have a […]
[…] Mental Point of Origin […]
[…] but there are aspects of interacting with women that come as a default for a man who is his own Mental Point of Origin. One of those unspoken aspects is a self-understanding that he has options (or can generate more) […]
[…] From Mental Point of Origin: […]
Check this scenario out: I am a believer in the red pill and fully conversant with all concepts. One I strongly believe is important is being your own mental point of origin. Anyway my wife wants to bring her mum that doest drive to stay with us over Christmas, however she has a dog that can’t come as we have a young son + new furniture etc. This means collecting mother in law plus making several trips of 2 hrs each time to walk the dog. The dog belongs to my wife’s brother who lives away, he is his own… Read more »
Your mother in law can hire a professional to care for the dog. Or your wife can do it, with her mother, which would give you a couple hours of peace in the day. Not to put too fine a point on it, but if you make several two hour trips to walk the dog, you are the little bitch.
[…] Now, as a single father, emotional stability is crucial to being the strong father your children need. I have found that I possess far greater strength than I ever gave myself credit for. You must learn to make yourself your own mental point of origin. […]
[…] Stirner wasn’t having any of that, considering it pompous humanism that elevates Man to a new quasi-Religion. The concept of human essence is merely an abstraction and thus cannot be a standard to measure actions. Like all those other big abstractions such as God, State, and Justice, the concept of Man is nothing more than “wheels in the head”. Stirner celebrated the primacy of the individual, which he called the Ego, and we know ourself as the mental point of origin […]
[…] an internal conflict for these heroes of abuse because their dedication to themselves as their own Mental Point of Origin will always be compromised by a Blue Pill conditioned responsibility of supportiveness for women. […]
[…] long as there’s been a movement. What is novel is that this return to a man being his own mental point of origin and prioritizing life experiences as his first priority is a result of an awareness that’s […]
[…] I’ve suggested in the past that it is actually men who dare to place themselves at the center of their lives who make the most significant emotional impact upon women. This emotional impression is a byproduct of men who make themselves their first priority and when this prioritization becomes an internalized second nature to a man we say that he’s made himself his Mental Point of Origin. […]
Rollo, never in my live I have seen a guy who literally is “a left swipe 100% of the time”. So what do you really mean here?
[…] their upbringing is to prevent them from ever internalizing the idea that they should be their own mental point of origin. This I think is one of the fundamental issues most Blue Pill men struggle with in their own […]
[…] upbringing is to prevent them from ever internalizing the idea that they should be their own mental point of origin. This I think is one of the fundamental issues most Blue Pill men struggle with in their own […]
[…] communication patterns she’s used to, but also because it implies that he’s his own mental point of origin. It communicates that he is confident enough not to care about accommodating her form of […]
[…] etc., and reject what the Blue Pill has made of you must come as a result of making yourself your mental point of origin. This ‘new you’ precludes any consideration of your wife’s interests. It must be […]
Last summer me and a colleague were standing on the concourse of a train station. We had been talking for a while and there had been a natural lull in conversation. At this point I had noticed a woman who had been leaving the station (her back to me) abruptly turn. The station had a scattering of commuters, but her sudden movement was enough to spark a little curiousity. She was roughly 40 metres away when this occurred. I saw her attention was on the shops over to my left, so I looked to see what had caught her interest.… Read more »
[…] communication patterns she’s used to, but also because it implies that he’s his own mental point of origin. It communicates that he is confident enough not to care about accommodating her form of […]
[…] equalist presumption often forms the mental point of origin for most Blue Pill men. Ostensibly, this mental prioritization of some equal state between the […]
[…] Mental Point Of Origin […]
After having been unplugged for about a year now, and actively reading this blog for about the same amount of time, I’ve recently noticed that I can “feel” myself internalizing the red pill truths that I have been reading about for so long now. I’m no longer just reading and saying to myself “wow, what great insight.” I scan my environment in real time and can see the “code” so to speak. I observe social interactions around me, and almost immediately, begin dissecting and analyzing the nuances of the social dynamics. Things like shit testing, negotiating desire, hypergamy, dominance, etc.,… Read more »
@Archer Because you are so enthusiastic about the topic, I’ll hazard another mention of what is going on here is given a thorough context on how to be your own mental point of origin in the book Reality Transurfing by Vadim Zeland. I would highly recommend you read the Kindle version of this. It is a textbook for How To Mental point of origin. Be warned it is long, but thorough on the topic. 760 pages. (Who does that these days. Take it as a supreme challenge. And then go read The Brothers Karamozov by Doestoyevsky, and then Anna Karenina… Read more »
@SJF:
Thanks for the recommendation, I appreciate it. I’m always looking for quality books to read that will help with my self-discovery/self-improvement. I’ve put it at the top of my “must read” list and plan to get started on it as soon as I finish with my current reading project.
[…] sometimes rakish, sometimes bold and dutiful – following their own path, making themselves their Mental Point of Origin, and making their mission (not their woman) their priority. Whether it was Captain Kirk, Han Solo […]
[…] sense of self-worth on this false ideology is obvious. And yes, we should make ourselves our own Mental Point of Origin, but more important is realizing that our lives depend on Killing the Beta and discarding the […]
[…] aware man ought to do the same. Taking womankind off the pedestal and replacing them with your own Mental Point of Origin is key in any man’s unplugging. That said, isolation may not be the best approach to dealing with […]
This is most critical because “mental point of origin” determines frame.
Can’t get it; have to be it.
We each start there, but it is educated/socialized out of us by layers of conditioning “rightthink-rightact.” Getting back is simply first seeing, them rejecting, the conditioning to return to self. It’s unlearning.
Great stuff about your work Rollo is it is never reactive, but rather dissects and exposes what is.
[…] are systematically taught to make women and womankind their Mental Point of Origin. This is why it is so difficult for men to unplug and abandon their old Blue Pill selves; […]
[…] are systematically taught to make women and womankind their Mental Point of Origin. This is why it is so difficult for men to unplug and abandon their old Blue Pill selves; […]
[…] borrow this concept from Rollo (And I encourage you to read this post for further […]
[…] gauranteed returns in the shape of personal growth, wealth, health etcetera. Make your self your mental point of origin and no matter what gets thrown at you in life, stay on your purpose (and refine it when it is […]
[…] sense of shame and self-loathing of the male gender into ever-younger generations of future men. Mental Point of Origin is a constant theme in all of my literary work. I want to stress here that crushing any sense of […]
[…] even then, the best advice is to make decisions with you as your own mental point of origin, understand that a relationship is not an equal undertaking, and in the case of marriage, the odds […]
[…] then to “Go your own way.” I’ve had at least four “dating experts” (one female) claim Mental Point of Origin was their own idea in their subscriber emails as recently as August. Grifters used the Red […]
I come back to this post every few years.
@Rollo – How does one draw a distinction between putting yourself first vs making decisions that also benefit your partner? How was one draw a distinction between a positivie choice for his benefit vs one that is also to the benefit his female partner? How is one less a point of origin?
[…] conditioned men, and virtually every Fempowered woman, defaults to “What about her?” as their Mental Point of Origin. Guys do this because it’s been hammered into their brains since grammar school that ‘putting […]
[…] noticed when I made myself my mental point of origin…I did better in those situations than when I did what I was ‘supposed’ to do. Not what people […]
[…] good to be your own Mental Point of Origin as Rollo calls it. It’s good to ask and hopefully know what you want. It’s great to not […]
[…] it is vitally important to maintain a male-specific mental point of origin, together men need a center point of action. Women talk, men do. Men need a common purpose in which […]
[…] Rollo Tomassi has talked about this concept at great length on his blog, The Rational Male. […]