Preventative Medicine – Part IV

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From The Myth of the Quality Woman:

Back when he had a terrestrial radio show Tom Leykis did a topic about this: He had everyday women call in and tell their stories of how they used to be sexually (i.e. slutty) and how they are now. He came up with this after driving past a grade school on his way to the studio and seeing all of the women there waiting for their kids to come out and wondered about what their lives used to be like in their childless 20s. This was a wildly popular topic and the confessions just poured in like all of these women had been waiting for years to come clean anonymously about the sexual past that their husbands would never dream they were capable of. Each of these women sounded proud of themselves, almost nostalgic, as if they were some kind of past accomplishments.

This is why I laugh at the concept of the Quality woman. Don’t misinterpret that as a “women = shit” binary opinion. I mean it in the sense that most guy’s concept of a quality woman is an unrealistic idealization. There’s not a guy in the world who committed to monogamy with a woman who didn’t think she was ‘quality’ when he was with her. Even if she was a clinical neurotic before he hooked up with her, she’s still got “other redeeming qualities” that make her worth the effort. It’s only afterwards when the world he built up around her idealization comes crashing down in flames that she “really wasn’t a Quality Woman.”

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The Schism

An interesting internal schism occurs for women during the latter half of the Security and through the Developmental Phase. The first aspect of this psychological schism is a drive for an unalterable sense of security. As she matures, the priority for an enduring security intensifies with each child she bears and / or each life incident where that degree of security is tested.

For the married woman who consolidated upon her best available provider male, this intensification usually manifests itself as a ceaseless series of shit testing, not only over his capacity to consistently deliver an ever increasing need for that provisioning, but also the Alpha suitability she convinced herself that he would mature into later. The primary conflict for her during these phases is that her provider male’s SMV Alpha potential never quite looks like or compares with the idealized memories of the Alpha men she entertained in her party years.

I’ve written several essays regarding the dynamics of the Alpha Widow, but at no other phase of a woman’s life is she more prone to mourning a prior Alpha lover than when she enters the Developmental stage. This is when the security a woman was so incensed to in her Epiphany Phase becomes a burden, but still a necessity of her life. Unless a man has reinvented himself and capitalized on his SMV potential so significantly as to separate himself from the prior impression of ‘providership acceptability’ a woman initially expected of him, five minutes of Alpha experience will always trump 5-10 years of Beta dedication.

If women can realize the Alpha Fucks aspect of hypergamy during her party years, and then realize the Beta Bucks aspects of hypergamy after the Epiphany Phase, then the internal schism a woman experiences in her Developmental phase becomes the difference between her reconciling those two aspects within the man she’s currently paired with.

The second aspect of this schism is a marked re-interest in the Alpha attributes of either the man she’s currently paired with, or the Alpha attributes of men outside that pairing. This side of the schism is particularly frustrating for both Alpha and Beta men paired to a woman experiencing it.

Deal with It

The more an Alpha man actualizes his SMV potential – through maintained (or improved)  looks, career, maturity, affluence, status, etc. – the more a woman’s need for enduring security becomes threatened as her SMV consistently decays in comparison. A woman’s logical response to this new form of competition anxiety usually manifests in two ways.

The first being an intense motivation to domineer and control her relationship by placing herself in a dominant role. She assumes (or attempts to assume) headship of the marriage / relationship by way of convenient conviction or from a self-created sense of her husband’s (really all men’s) untrustworthiness bolstered by social conventions that insist women need to be the head of the house (i.e. “she’s the real boss, heheh”). Her insecurity about her own comparative SMV manifests in her demanding he ‘do the right thing’ and limit his SMV potential for the sake of a more important role as her (and their family’s) dutiful provider.

Of course the problem with this is that a man acquiescing to such dominance not only loses out on his capacity to maximize his SMV peak potential, but also confirms for his wife that his status isn’t as Alpha as he’s confident it is. This Alpha disenfranchisement will play a significant part in a woman’s Redevelopment phase.

The second logical response is apathy and resentment. A disconnect from her SMV peaking mate may seem like a woman’s resigning herself to her non-competitive SMV fate, but it serves the same purpose as a woman’s insistence for relational dominance – an assurance of continued security and provisioning as the result of his limiting his SMV potential. This apathy is, by design, paired with the guilt that her mate is more focused on his own self-development than the importance he should be applying to her and any family. The result becomes one of a man chasing his own tail in order to satisfy this passive insecurity and failing passive shit tests.

In either instance the seeds of a man’s decline are rooted in his ability to identify this schism in relation to how it aligns with his SMV potential at the same time it affects his long term partner. The problem with the schism is that for all the limitations a woman would emplace against a man actualizing his SMV potential, the same limitations will also constitute a significant part of her justification for being dissatisfied with him during her Redevelopment phase.

Redevelopment / Reinsurance

The Redevelopment phase can either be a time of relational turmoil or one of a woman reconciling her hypergamous balance with the man she’s paired with.

The security side of this hypergamous balance has been established for her long term satisfaction and the Alpha reinterest begins to chafe at the ubiquitous certainty of that security. Bear in mind that the source of this certainty need not come from a provider male. There are a lot of eventualities to account for. It may come from a ‘never married’ woman’s capacity to provide it for herself, the financial support levied from a past husband(s) or father(s) of her children, government subsidies, family money, or any combination thereof.

In any event, while security may still be an important concern, the same security becomes stifling for her as she retrospectively contemplates the ‘excitement’ she used to enjoy with former, now contextually Alpha, lovers, or perhaps the “man her husband used to be”.

Dalrock has long covered the topic of women entering the Eat, Pray, Love phase very well, coining the term “She was unhaaaaaappy,..” This is the justification call of for women entering the Redevelopment phase.

Depending on when she consolidated on long term monogamy, her kids are at, or almost at an age of real independence. It may even be at the “20 year itch” empty nest stage I described in the last essay, but there is a fundamental reassessment of the man she’s paired with and how his now realized SMV potential has either proved a good bet, or a disastrous misstep. And as with the various prior phases of maturity, she finds there are convenient social conventions already pre-established for her to help justify the decisions she’ll make as a result of this reassessment.

The binding, cooperative arrangements of childrearing that necessitated her drive for security gradually decrease in importance, giving way to a new urgency – pairing with someone “she really connects with” before her (imagined or otherwise) SMV / looks are entirely spent on the provider male she now loathes the idea of spending a future with. This is the turning point at which most Beta men, hopefully reliant upon the false notions of Relational Equity, find themselves on the sharp end of the feminine hypergamy they cognitively dissociated themselves from for a lifetime.

It’s not all doom and gloom however. Depending upon a woman’s degree of self-awareness and realism about her late-stage SMV, the decision may simply be one of pragmatism – she understands she’s with the man who can now best embody a hypergamic balance for her in the long term – or she genuinely has a long term (feminine defined) love and affinity for the man she’s paired with, who finally Just Gets It. Other considerations factor in as well; it’s entirely possible his SMV peak will endure longer than her reassessment of him will take to determine, religious conviction may play a (albeit sometimes convenient) part in this reassessment, or she may realistically assess her own SMV as decayed to a point where staying with her provider male is her only tenable option.

There’s an interesting trend in the divorcing schedules of Baby Boomers that strongly correlate with this Redevelopment phase reassessment I’ve described here – it’s called Grey Divorce:

Americans over 50 are twice as likely to get divorced as people of that age were 20 years ago.

Jim Campbell, 55, of Boulder, Colo., says he and his wife grew apart after 34 years together. “The No. 1 best thing in common that my ex-wife and I had was raising kids,” Campbell says. When their two sons grew up, he says, “we just didn’t have enough activities, passions, interests that were in common. And when the boys were gone, that just became more and more — to me — obvious.”

As is the wont for a feminized media, the focus is on men who divorce their wives, but statistically it’s women who initiate over 70% of all divorces. It’s important to bear that in mind when considering the psychological impetus for women’s Redevelopment phase. In spite of that oversight, the ‘grey divorce’ stats dovetail with this mid-late life reassessment.

In the interest of fairness, a woman can also find herself forced into this Redevelopment as the result of a man who’d come to realize his SMV peak and became actively aware of how hypergamy had influenced his decisions for him. There is a minority of men who take the red pill or otherwise and exit a marriage they’d been ‘settled’ on for, or they may in fact want to redevelop themselves for the same reasons women make the reassessment and capitalize on what value their SMV has.

Regardless of how she comes to it, nothing is more daunting for a woman than to reenter the sexual market place at such a severe disadvantage. After the Wall, women dread the idea of having to start over in a sexual market place in which they are grossly outmatched, so even the slightest deviation from the ‘security forever’ script becomes a major ego threat. If that security is more or less assured, there are feminine social conventions ready to make that prospect more palatable. ’40 is the new 30′, “you still got it”, and of course the strong independent woman® brand offers a plan for ‘cougardom’.

Depending on a woman’s relative SMV (that is to say amongst her generation’s peers) she may entertain these convention more or less successfully, but this reinvention of a woman’s party years, still suffers from a need to reestablish a semblance of security after a point. While it may be ‘exciting’ to relearn how to maneuver in a new SMP, the underlying desire is still one of security.

Late Phase Security

Finally we come full circle and back to, an albeit new interpretation of, the same security a woman sought after her Epiphany Phase. During this late phase, that may last from a woman’s late 40’s, 50’s or even indefinitely, as a result of an inevitable SMV decay, the security side of a woman’s hypergamy swings into its final, permanent, position. It’s important to make the distinction that this security isn’t necessarily founded on financial provisioning, but rather an emotional, intimate dependence and acceptance for a woman from an acceptably masculine man – often in spite of a past that she would rather be (expects to be) forgiven for by virtue of her age and her perceived experiences.

While she may experience some desire to live vicariously through the experiences her now grown daughters or younger female friends in various phases themselves, her message to them is one of precaution, but tempered with the subconscious awareness of how hypergamy has set the frame for her past. This is the phase during which (hypocritically) women tend to cognitively rewrite their past for what they believe should be the benefit of younger women.

As an aside, I should point out that with the advent of the internet and the permanency of all things digital, this is becoming increasingly more difficult for mid-life women.

This is the phase during which a woman not only desires secure acceptance of who she is from a suitable man, but it’s also the phase she attempts to create a secure social paradigm for herself. To be sure this drive is firmly couched in a woman’s innate solipsism, but her desire for security extends beyond a want for her own personal, assured security, and to woman-kind in whole.

Women in this phase may be concerned for the futures of their daughters – and sons who may come into contact with women following the same hypergamic paradigm she used on their fathers – but the concern is voiced for society and women as a whole. Rarely is this social concern an admission or testament of her own regret, but rather it’s something she must address to reconcile the parts of her past, the undeniable results of her hypergamy, that  she can’t escape.

Once menopause ensues that retrospective need becomes more urgent.

Conclusion

I understand that this series probably wont address particular personal issues some readers will want it to, but that’s what comment threads are for. As I stated when I started this series, I could probably write a more comprehensive book about this entire process – I may do just that at some point.

I also understand that while I can provide this outline, it doesn’t really go in depth into how a man might use this knowledge to his best advantage with a particular woman. However, my hope is that it will put certain behaviors and mindsets you find in a woman, and how they align or don’t align with this outline, into something more understandable for your individual experience. This is in no way comprehensive or meant to account for every woman’s circumstance, but rather to help a man with what he can expect in various phases.

It’s preventative medicine, not a cure to any particular disease.

Thanks for sticking with this.

RT

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

179 comments on “Preventative Medicine – Part IV

  1. @bbb

    One of the best things about getting older is that the male sex drive also diminishes.

    We must have different definitions of older. I’m in my mid 40’s and while not as peppy as when I was 17 (hell, that’s true of any random 23 year old as well), the drive is still very, very strong. Weight training produces higher T and I have other high T habits and hobbies, so that likely explains it. That said, lower drive in “older” men my age is likely due to men doing nothing now but sitting at home waiting hand and foot on wifey and his kids, having no male contact to speak of outside of work, being out of shape and eating horribly. Just a guess.

    My grandfather was pounding out nearly daily at the age of 74 with his “young” wife who was 55 or so (he remarried after my grandmother died). I know this because he’d chuckle sometimes and reference “need to take that woman back to the workbench again” (his euphemism for bedding women).

    @Rollo

    A standalone real book would be fantastic. Believe it or not, this doesn’t seem to be a tl;dr crowd you have here. In depth analysis and theory is quite welcomed in my opinion, it gives our little space of the internet depth and rigor.

  2. @ girlwithadragonflytattoo

    Slut shaming is GOOD. There needs to be a stigma attached to women losing control of themselves.

  3. Im going to echo what others have said: definitely include it in its own book. I find that books are extremely helpful for train rides (both metro and cross country). Internet service will be spotty at best, and sometimes there is no one I want to hit on, so a book is perfect to keep boredom at bay.

    I took married man sex life with me on one of the 15 hour train rides I’ve had to make.

    This series is just too good to not dedicate an entire book too. You’re covering ground that has only really been indirectly addressed elsewhere…and even then not extensively.

  4. Can someone fill me in on the term “passive shit testy?” The term seems to make sense, but I wasn’t too be clear since I think it describes what I’m seeing.

    1. I differentiate shit tests into active and passive.

      Active shit tests are what most guys are most familiar with. PUAs have written extensively on how to defuse, deal with, and/or recover from the most common of these because they tend to be variation on common themes. They’re easily identifiable.

      Passive tests come primarily from women you’re involved in an LTR with (as well as from female relatives) and are much more subtle. That’s not to say the overt type aren’t still delivered, but the nature of the tests are different. Whereas an active test coming from a woman you’re not (as) familiar with can be redirected with Agree & Amplify, Amused Mastery, etc. they tend to be tests of determining personality and social intelligence (Just Getting It) in order to filter for a short term potential mate. Passive tests, though more subtle and nuanced, are generally meant to determine long term acceptable of hypergamic optimization.

  5. ” hyperemic optimization” .. say wut?
    We had one o’ them once, but the main flywheel broke.
    I guess you mean it’s like what the Wee-Man-Formerly-Known-As sang ..

    Maybe you’re just like my mother
    She’s never satisfied (She’s never satisfied)
    Why do we scream at each other?
    This is what it sounds like – when doves cry

  6. @Tam, my vocab gets a workout on these sites, probably more than ever before in my life. And the concepts! Acceptably *optimized* engorgement! “Lessee if it’s optimized yet.”

  7. Given that girl game is NOT about attracting men, but rather about rejecting undesired men in faster/better/cheaper ways, it occurs to me that shit testing fulfills dual purposes as girl game. If the man fails the test and goes away, that’s good. And if the man fails the test but sticks around to eat more of her guff, that’s even better, since now he’s made it clear he’ll be a fine beta orbiter.

  8. Slut shaming is a means to control women’s behavior as much as “Man-up!” is a means of controlling men’s behavior–both induce forms of guilt and punishment.

    Personally the more I learn about the female persuasion the more jaded I get. I love women and love to love women; however, it is becoming more difficult to see women as long-term partners. The inevitable battle with hypergamy, the notorious Hamster, typical emotional swings, etc. The time it takes to screen out the good ones, the seemingly declining number of “good ones”.

    TV delivers so many bad messages to women. The ideas it puts into their heads about reality, gender roles and relationships is scary. I won’t go into how men are portrayed. Look at movies and TV shows. Women assert themselves often through violence when dealing with men. The message is the same…men by default want to suppress you. This topic would do well with its own post. A lot of women eat these themes and memes up and it affects the relationship dynamic between both sexes.

    Women are number 3 on my list these days behind health and fitness and personal fulfillment through setting and reaching goals. Any man who has his priorities in line will attract women; moreover, for the man with Game.

    Perhaps it is time to get back out there and sharpen my skill set again. I nearly forgot the handful of great ladies that were waiting for me at the end of those minefields. I’m glad it’s spring again.

    1. “I love women and love to love women; however, it is becoming more difficult to see women as long-term partners.”

      Amen, Reverend!

      My two Millenial sons have determined this all by themselves with no input from me, even though I could have offered them a great deal if they were of a mind to listen. But their having seen what today’s women have to “offer” versus what the costs of a relationship are with one of them have turned them both off of dating and such. It can and will happen to others as the meme (and Amy Schumer’s “comedy”) becomes more widespread.

  9. RE; Shit Tests:
    http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/23/plate-theory-vi-abundance-scarcity/

    Abundance mentality is essential to shit test defusing.

    Essentially a shit test is used by women to determine one, or a combination of these factors:

    a.) Confidence – first and foremost
    b.) Options – is this guy really into me because I’m ‘special’ or am I his only option?
    c.) Security – is this guy capable of providing me with long term security?

    Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs.

    They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re self-conscious of doing it, they’ll still do it.

    Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.

  10. jf12

    Since women tend to have the mentality of scarity, they panick at the drop of a hat and think the very worst has happened. If the computer stops working, they automatically assume the worst case scenario and that the problem is incredibility difficult and complex and they are stuffed – victim of complex engineering and all that. Instead of being calm and thinking they can solve the problem themself, they go into panic mode and run around like a headless chook.

  11. they automatically assume the worst case scenario

    I’ve got a post in the can about women’s default to WCS (worst case scenario). Even Mrs. Tomassi will do this, not so much a fly off the handle, sky is falling scenario, but rather a ‘plan for the worst’ proposition.

    This is a direct manifestation of women’s psychologically evolved, primary drive for security. They want assurances from men that the cave is secure and the babies are safe from Sabertooth tigers.

  12. Re: WCS. That is why it is so difficult (fiendishly complex!) to try to Dread “a little bit”. Recently, I had yet another nice long discussion with my wife about what it means for her to submit, bringing in of course respect but also fear (Ephesians 5:33 says the wife is supposed to fear (phobos) her husband; don’t worry won’t clog up with Bible here). She laughed, and said, as she has before, that of all the emotions she would say I might provoke in her, fear is the last thing that she would think of, and THAT is the reason she loves me (she says): that she would never fear me.

  13. So, preventatively, young men: do not get into my predicament. Keep some aloofness, and keep her guessing, and keep her *explicitly* fearful you might “do something”. I’m sorry that there is no viable alternative. Women are broken, and do not respect getting love the way that men do love getting respect.

  14. Rather than think of women as broken, I prefer to think that their motivations are alien to our own, alien to what we have been raised to believe, alien to what we are even now told by our culture, and most puzzling, completely alien to what women articulate them to be. Men need to accept this and wordlessly move on with the MAP. Fitness, game, assets; soft dread, outcome indifference, and amused mastery when shit tested. Repeat.

  15. Shit tests…

    Rollo, you are essentially wrong. Shit testing is NOT about your confidence or manliness! It is about the degree of your stupidity and weakness.

    Shit testing is about determining whether the man will stomach ANYTHING rather than leave the woman. In other words woman needs to know, if his libido is strong enough to turn him into brainless slave of hers. She will play hard to get, she will insult and humiliate him, etc.

    If he aboandons the courtship in frustration or annoyance, she konows that his passion is not strong enough to weather the dissapointment, slavery and harassments of marriage/child producing..so he will not be acceptable slave for her.

    SHE IS TESTING AND ESTABLISHING HER POWER OVER YOU. If you are cooperating, if you stomach insults, flakiness, etc, like those PUA tell you, than you will be good husband and provider..and she can nag her way into her future with you.

    If you are annoyed with shit tests, you are free man and you migh dump her after first sign of disrespect even after she has your baby..this is certainly not waht she wants.

    Of course, poor slaves – men, have to think that moneky dancing before women to the point of brainless idiocy, is actually their proof as …ehm…alpha men. Those who have the power are testing and those who have no option have to endure their test.

  16. “they automatically assume the worst case scenario and that the problem is incredibility difficult and complex and they are stuffed”

    Sshhh. That’s because I at least always lead them to believe that.
    e.g. ‘Puter on the fritz,? Oooo (suck teeth, slight shake of head) I’ll have a look, but I can’t promise ..
    Remove offending box to workshop (previously vacuumed clean). Invariably one of her bloody iMacs. Never learns. Used to be the hinges on the old Mac laptops. Does/did Apple actually employ materials engineers of any description?

    0930hrs – 0950hrs. Identify problem, check “parts bin” (large boxes of deceased Mac and ATX bits).
    If SOL, put on funeral face and say part has to be ordered. Kicked into long grass, job’s a good’un.
    Otherwise drink beer and listen to radio till late p.m.
    1625hrs-1645hrs. Fix computer, 90% of the time being spent locked in a death struggle trying to get the box apart.

    Emerge from shed sweating but triumphant.
    God that was touch and go for a while there dear.
    Take me for a drink and we’ll forget about the cost of the bits, eh?

    The method holds good for almost anything. Washing machines, freezers, cars, bikes, even plumbing and wiring.

    The reason it works is women’s universal and complete Laziness and total Absence Of Curiosity about non-gossip/snack- related affairs.
    In fact I’d go as far as to say they shrink away in horror at anything even tangentially related to the possibility of contamination by the DLV stigmata of Manual Labor.

    The number of times in the past (when I was young and fit, and they tended to hang over my shoulder, ostensibly observing) to get distressed damsels to take instruction in How To Fix It Your Bloody Self, Look, It’s Piss-Easy, and save themselves the cost and inconvenience of purchasing A Man … no chance.
    Like teaching a dog to type.

  17. @ Water Cannon Boy: My grandparents were married close to 70 years. My grandpa died in 2012. Grandma’s still alive, but she had to get electroshock therapy because she went psychotic after my grandpa started dying. He had some kind of severe sudden onset dementia after breaking his hip and getting anesthesia and he never recovered from it, it was pretty much 2 years of hell, he didn’t remember anyone, was having hallucinations about being back in WWII, shitting himself, walking around with his pants down, etc.

    My other grandpa died in 1992. My other grandma’s been living alone ever since. She turned 93 last year and this year is her retirement party — one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. Her mom died when she was 3, dad was abusive and re-married, she found her step mom dead on the couch when she was 8 (she had some kind of disease or something), then when she was 10 her dad re-married again, abusive step mom, then he just took her to her aunt and uncle’s farm and abandoned her there, never saw him again.

    So there was a lot going on, but both my grandparents’ relationships were completely faithful, model relationships. I wonder how much of that had to do with the different culture at the time, both my grandpa’s attitudes, and if that combination resulted in what Rollo mentioned in “War Brides”:

    “A woman’s conditions may be such that she’s never needed to tap into this reserve.”

  18. Softek: No doubt your understanding of your grandparent’s marriage life is sincere, but past generations dealt with hypocrisy by ignoring it, not in (foolishly IMHO) confronting it as we tend to do today. I very much doubt anything was different 100 or 1000 years ago.

    My family’s patriarch made a great show of presenting me with his prized cashmere great coat when he was in the “giving away his stuff” phase. It was a big deal to him because for the years after WWII left him destitute, it was the only nice thing he had and would serve to cover up the lesser clothes he wore underneath.

    Well, after I had the coat restyled so it was wearable, I noticed a lump in the lining, so I carefully pulled out some thread and out popped a rolled condom marked in the language of the old country. He was married 70 years too.

    Nothing changes…

  19. All I know is since I started following the manosphere, I’ve felt like I’ve been slowly waking up from the worst nightmare I’ve ever had in my life — and the reality I’m waking up to seems even worse than the nightmare.

    I’m just hoping “it’s darkest before dawn” is true. Depending on the severity of someone’s immersion in blue pill reality, choking the red pill down can literally feel like hell on earth.

    I’ve never experienced so much cognitive dissonance in my life, and I’ve been committed to mental hospitals multiple times over the last 10 years.

  20. Softek, the #1 rule of any successful endevour is that it is always darkest before dawn. Just keep hammering away to make yourself strong every day. Strength and positive frame have to be the purpose of your life. Everything else falls in line when that happens. I walked a long, dark road earlier in my life and that is by far the biggest takeaway. Make yourself a better, stronger, more resilient man every day. Challenge yourself without regard for failure or success….and wonderful things will happen.

  21. This has answered a question I’ve had for a long time now… why women no longer “invest” in a man. It used to be that woman had to choose early and then invest in that mans success.. to be a co-conspirator, as it were, in his success. I think this is where the old myth of “behind every great man is a great woman” came from. What I ahve noticed is that women all want men that are now fully made and proven. It explains why women also want to push back the clock on choosing mate as much as possible (in a few years women will decide to settle down have kids at fifty, lol)
    Waiting until her 30s and riding the alphas until her 30s, women are in a double win situation.. not only do they get to have their fun, but by the time tey choose, the men who have invested in their futures are showing signs that they are having success. This affords her the ability to lower her risk, and if she ends up unhappy, more likely to leave the marriage in a better position financially.
    I see now that this is why I am loathe to trust women post 30s, even though I am in my 40s. It wasn’t that they rode alot of cock, after all, I got laid just as much in 20s so it wasnt like I was getting passed over back then for the alphas… its the idea that after building up my smv, by myself over all this time, why should I hand it over to someone who never invested in me at all at this point?
    Here is my suggestion to men: if you didnt get married in your 20s, then forget about it. Nothing you are going to get is worth it, unless she is in her early twenties, and even then, probably not worth it either

  22. The Bitter Taste of the Red Pill

    The truth will set you free, but it doesn’t make truth hurt any less, nor does it make truth any prettier, and it certainly doesn’t absolve you of the responsibilities that truth requires. One of the biggest obstacles guys face in unplugging is accepting the hard truths that Game forces upon them. Among these is bearing the burden of realizing what you’ve been conditioned to believe for so long were comfortable ideals and loving expectations are really liabilities. Call them lies if you want, but there’s a certain hopeless nihilism that accompanies categorizing what really amounts to a system that you are now cut away from. It is not that you’re hopeless, it’s that you lack the insight at this point to see that you can create hope in a new system – one in which you have more direct control over.

    There are no “Dark Arts”, this is simply one last desperate effort of the feminine imperative to drag you back into the Matrix. There is only Game and the degree to which you accept it and are comfortable in using it in the context that YOU define. If that context is under the auspices of a mutually beneficial, mutually loving, mutually respecting LTR monogamy of YOUR choosing, know that it’s the fundaments of Game that are at the root of its success or failure. If that context is in terms of spinning multiple plates, liberating the affections of women from other men, and enjoying a love life based on your personal satisfactions, also understand that it lives and dies based on your understanding the fundaments of Game.

    Just as Alpha is not inherently nobel or deplorable, Game is neither inherently good nor evil – the Devil is in the details and whomever’s defined context in which you use it. In the introduction section of the 48 Laws of Power, author Robert Greene explains the same about power. Power is neither good nor evil, it simply is, and your capacity to use power, your comfort in using it, doesn’t invalidate the principles of power. Likewise, your discomfort or inability to accept those principles does not excuse you from the consequence of having that power used upon you.

  23. bbb
    I had the company’s first woman corporate VP visit me in Tokyo. She was wearing a winter coat because she thought the seasons in Japan were the opposite of those in the US. I always wondered why I was laid off a few years later. You can’t make this stuff up.

    The turning point in my career at a Fortune 5 company was a trip I took with my male boss in a corporate jet. Just the two of us, sitting facing each other, we returned at night in bad weather. The pilots shot two approaches in severe, hard turbulence before giving up and diverting. My boss was silently crying in fear while I tried to pretend I didn’t notice. He was distant with me from that moment on.

  24. There seems to be something about Gregg….

    Anyway, regarding book or e-book. I prefer books. Personally I like having something to hold. I actually prefer hard copy magazines. There’s also something about handing a book to somebody and saying check this out. Or them seeing it and asking about it. However, the easiest path to get something out there sometimes is the best when it comes to a product.
    Also to Rollo or anybody else, what do you think the beta or alpha father/husband does to girls as the grow up? Since Rollo has mentioned his daughter before, I started wondering what others think about how the alpha/beta provider frame affects girls. Such as the good girl who cuts loose on spring break, sometimes with dire consequences(thinking of the girl that went missing in Aruba). Or the upper middle class wholesome princess girl who’s actually the queen mean girl at school.
    I’m not talking about the usual inherent teenage rebelliousness or the things inherent female things discussed before. But the times that I’ve talked with women about the things that are influenced regarding parents and kids, they are surprised with what I’ve said about how much of what a girl gets from her father.
    Anybody see any differences in how the girls are who have alpha fathers vs. beta fathers.

  25. Consider the hypergamy ideal ‘win condition’: Find a man of high genetic quality (SMV), attract him through looks and compliance (SMV), bind him through sexual performance and children (make him invested), then reduce his SMV by training him into Beta behaviors (keep from losing his resources to another woman), so that he gives his full productivity to your children.

    Every other female strategy is a fallback for this ‘perfect play’. After you have run that course, when even the grandchildren are grown…there’s no program for that. In the EEA, the chances that both sides of a bonded pair would reach their 60’s and up were so low, there was no reason to select for fitness in handling it.

  26. Want to add that it can also have dire consequences for the guy, such as the case in the Houston area of the guy who’s girlfriend snuck him into her bedroom, got shot and killed by her father. Upon discovery, she first claimed she didn’t know him. Only later after he died did she admit she knew him and brought him in.

  27. Rick Rolls: “After you have run that course, when even the grandchildren are grown…there’s no program for that. In the EEA, the chances that both sides of a bonded pair would reach their 60′s and up were so low, there was no reason to select for fitness in handling it.”

    Actually, evolutionarily speaking, any age above that for raising a child is uncharted territory. The good part about that is that we can make our own rules.

  28. BBB: I see your point, but I think that ‘When are you going to settle down and give me grandchildren’ became a cliche for a reason. Propagation is a matter of how successful your descendants are at having descendants. Except for the pure Alpha strategy of having a lot of children that you make no investment in, it would pay off to stay involved with your children’s children.

    Note how common it is for parents to step in and provide a safe harbor for their daughters, or even take over parenting completely. That’s not all socialization at work.

  29. Great write-up and oh so relevant to me these days…My wife of 19 years, together 22, is right in the middle of a Redevelopment Phase. We are both 47 and she is in a mid-life crisis. While your write-up touches upon security and seeking a last grasp of her SMV, I think there is more to it. You allude to it in “It’s important to make the distinction that this security isn’t necessarily founded on financial provisioning, but rather an emotional, intimate dependence and acceptance for a woman from an acceptably masculine man…” I believe women in this phase are questioning their lives; what is their purpose? Who are they without this man-daughter-house-job etc.? For those with Beta husbands who never went out in their 20’s and were SAHMs, it is more about Alpha fucks and sexual flings; attempts to capture something from their youth.

    In my case, my wife and I are very social with a teenaged daughter. We go out a lot with fiends and enjoy being with each other. I work hard to stay in shape, look good and maintain a healthy Alpha-Beta mix (Thanks to Athol.) She comments on how great I look and how my body is rock hard and fit. She is beautiful; a true ‘9’ for the over-45 crowd, maybe a ‘7-8’ for the younger guys. The thing is, she sees and feels her body changing. She is a ‘mess.’

    Menopause is closing and her hormones are getting the best of her. For many women over 40, they dreadfully know that their only hypergamous opportunity is with a wealthier, more successful Beta; Alphas and studs will use them for sex, but that is all. She also knows that if we split, I would have my pick of women from age 28+. She, regardless of her great looks, would not. She sadly admits that masculine men like me that she would be attracted too are dating women 10+ years younger than her. She also knows that where would be a line 10 blocks long of divorced & never-married feminized Betas waiting to ask her out.

    While she is reassessing me along with everything else in her life, she is quickly figuring out that she could blow up our marriage, get her own place, live a fake SITC life and still be unhappy – just now alone and shouldering 100% of her household expenses. It is hard to watch and give her necessary space to figure things out. It may be difficult for many guys who follow you to understand, but I love her deeply. She is not the center of my world, but she is the love of my life. I have seen her at her worst and best; she hates and adores the fact that I know her better than herself. While I could easily survive on my own and probably have plenty of p*ssy, I am not interested in that. She is what I want.

    I am seeing divorces happen all around me and it is tough to watch. My wife is full of regret for many things that other women in her peer/social group have and in turn, they have regret over not obtaining what my wife has accomplished. Female regret, solipsism, hormones and emotional upheaval seem to drive relationship turmoil. I am not sure if we will make it, but I am hopeful.

  30. I think the “empty nest divorces” have a lot to do with running off the end of the program. If you’ve only been staying together for the ‘sake of the children’, and otherwise seething with resentment (or even just apathetically living separate lives), those pressures are gone.

    All the dis-associative rationalizations just melt away, and you’re facing the question ‘Do I want to be married to this person anymore?’ in a purely rational fashion for the first time in your life, with nothing in the back of your head whispering that the stakes are too high to compromise.

  31. Sorry for the double-post, but I failed to finish my point: My sister and brother-in-law came very close to just such a ‘What’s the point’ dissolution. Then my niece blew up her own marriage, and providing a home for her and her child held them together while she ran through an AFBB cycle (another child by yet another sexy loser, then a marriage to a ‘nice guy’ she knew from high school).

    They were right on the edge of filing papers, having worked out the property division and everything else, when my niece called for help. Six years later, when she re-married they had decided old age together didn’t look so bad.

  32. Hey guys, fucking another mans wife is the same as stealing. It’s just wrong…and it contributes to the problem. It allows women to have their cake and eat it too. If we want higher quality women to exist, virtuous women, we need to stop enabling them, right?

  33. @ starlord

    Monogamous couples have a contract with each other, they are exchanging exclusive sexual rights. Each OWNS the sex of the other, in other words, her sex is his property, and his sex is her property. If an interloper has sex with one, he/she is taking someone else’s property without their permission. Taking property that isn’t yours without permission from the owner is stealing.

    As for wanting women to be more virtuous, well…that’s a little harder for me to explain(I’m not the sharpest spoon in the shed) but let’s just say you reap what you sow. The modern female psyche is very similar to a child’s mind. If I offered my 9 year old daughter a choice between a healthy breakfast or a bowl of ice cream, what do you think she will choose? I can’t genuinely expect her to make a healthy decision, and will produce a fat, diabetic person. Every time we fuck a married woman we simply reinforce that behaviour, creating a whole society of low quality women. Now, I know that sociopaths aren’t going to give a dam about that, but those of us that want a better society should think about this. Perhaps we should shun the “other man” to discourage this behavior that is ruining our women? If we make hypergamy more costly or difficult by insisting that they leave their man first, before we have sex with them, we may just curb the behaviour and end up with more virtuous women.

    1. The contract is with each other, not the third person. To take implies force. If something is given it is not taken and therefore not stolen. Therefore your “interloper” has stolen nothing. And you would be hard pressed to demonstrate that each owns the sex of the other. Each owns their own sex. Were a man to own the sex of his wife and she didn’t want to participate, he could simply override her and take it – ownership. Right?

      What you have done in your argument is simply tow the feminist line that women have no agency. You blame men for low quality women in society. …and some women don’t mention that they are married.

      1. @starlord

        Hey man, thanks for your reply.

        Okay, we agree that a person sex is their property. A person can sell their property, at which point it becomes someone else’s property. Marriage is the transaction of exchanging exclusive access to your vagina/penis. Before marriage each owned their own sex, after getting married, they own each others. If I trade my lawn mower with my neighbor for his lawn mower and a third party(the interloper) takes my neighbors lawn mower(formally my lawn mower) it is stealing, right? Nobody makes any explicit agreement with the rest of society to not steal, it’s implied in the social contract.

        Regarding giving vs taking, a married persons sex isn’t theirs to give. The interloper may not know he/she is receiving stolen goods, and we can excuse them in that case if they did a minimum of due diligence to find out, eg. They asked if the other was married. If the interloper knows the person is married, they cannot be excused.

        Most marriage contracts have a “to have and to hold” clause. This means that a man has a right to nookie with his wife(and vice versa). If the wife(or husband) refuses, they are in breach of contract rendering it null and void. That means her sex is no longer his, and his is no longer hers. He is now free to have sex with whomever he chooses, and her sex returns to being her property. Since each now owns their own sex again, it would be wrong for the man to force himself on her.

        I blame parents and society and culture at large for low quality women, not just men. If we don’t hold our children to a higher standard….well, you reap what you sow. I am asking everyone, men and women, to be more virtuous. Unfortunately, women have been so poisoned by some forms of femenism (“I deserve what I want when I want it”) that it seems unrealistic to expect them to change on their own.

        After rereading your reply, it occurs to me that you may not agree that marriage is the exchange of exclusive sexual access, among other things. Do you agree that marriage is a contract? What are the goods and services being exchanged, in your opinion, in a marriage contract?

        If a thief offers you stolen property, and you know it’s stolen, is it morally acceptable to take it?

        Perhaps it may be more fruitful to consider marriage contracts, or at least the sex part of it, as a rental arrangement? If I rent an apartment from a woman, and while I’m at work, she allows other people to use the space, has she done anything wrong? Have the other people using the space done anything wrong?

        Look forward to hearing what think. Thanks.

  34. Yeah…wow. I’d really like to believe that ‘Patriarchy’ was just a boojum that feminists made up, but guys like this keep crawling out from under rocks. Sleeping with a married woman is wrong because it’s a crime against her husband? But cheating on your wife is different because women are immature children that can’t be trusted to make good decisions?

    Yeah, whatever. If your logic doesn’t work both ways, it’s just foaming drool you’re spraying around.

  35. @RickRolls

    Firstly, thanks for your comment, I appreciate your participation.

    You are making a straw man of my argument, or you simply didn’t understand. Wether the interloper is male or female makes no difference to the morality of it. I made no comment concerning the infidelity of the married parties, but since you bring it up, let me say a little something about that. Cheating is wrong. Monogamous couples have promised exclusivity to each other, and if one cheats, they break that promise. It’s a breach of contract.

    I don’t understand what patriarchy has to do with anything I said.

  36. This is unreal. So, if I got the gist of well written article…

    The ulimate sh1t test is for her to demand a man be more beta (and bring in those beta bucks) while assuming a role of authority. But then she sabotages HER OWN RELATIONSHIP by creating a super-beta man who she can’t be sexually attracted to. The idiot man’s only crime is that he’s an idiot by giving a women what she says she wants and expecting it to work. I’ve read all kinds of formulas for “successful game” but the articles telling men how to conduct themselves in long-term pair-bond relationships are not as common. Sites like MMSL try to explain how this process could work. Most ones that are out there are written by women, and/or are full of blue-pill bullsh1t which read like a Hallmark card or something on the cutting room floor of that terrible movie “What Women Want”. (Newflash – they still don’t know…)

    My own theory is that to survive a long term relationship, the man must NEVER kowtow to demands to be beta, NEVER submit to a wife trying to wear the pants, NEVER be “too good”, and always be in one form of trouble or another. The man *must* create friction, tension and create tangible proof of his superior position in the relationship power dynamic: he must f*** things up on a regular basis, mostly minor things but the odd big one, to keep her hamster wheel spinning madly on three main things. a) What’s wrong with me? and b) why do I love this @$$Hole so much and c) Why won’t he change? Honestly, the biggest blue-pill lie of all is that men should be emotionally nurturing to their female partners and be “good boys” all the time. This is because women project THEIR roles onto those of men, because they have no other reference point. (I’ve often told women that their “ideal man” is acutally a woman or a gay man, resulting in the ‘get cats’ speach they all love so much.) So, my theory is that you need just the right amount of INTRIGUE for the woman in a long term relationship. That’s a nice politically correct blue-pill word for keeping her doubting own self-worth on a continual and ongoing basis while forever trying to change three or more “bad boy” behaviors and knowing if she tried to assume the lead role in the relationship would result in events that might actually make her afraid… That my dear men, is what will keep her interested and moist.

    Being a good provider and a good boy? You may as well ASK her outright to go bang some bad-boy stud and rip you to shreds in divorce court. She’ll do it and eat her prey and chalk it up, subconsciously, to how things work in nature. Weak things deserve death, and nothing deserves death more than a weak male.

    1. ANY response hinting at the kind of response she expects will only encourage her to redouble her efforts toward turning her man into a Beta Max. Thus, there can be no such thing as a long-term relationship between a man and a woman. It isn’t for nothing that all of the long-term married men advise a new groom that the only acceptable response the bride will allow is “Yes, dear.”

  37. Your’e a genius my man. I’m just curious how this internal subconscious behaviourism would apply or differ from a cluster B personality woman?

  38. You’re describing a lot of things going on in my near 20 year marriage. There is very little written about this phase, presumably because a lot of game experts just keep in the market enjoying that rather than taking the gigantic risks of getting married. I can certainly say being married is harder than being single. If it weren’t for the kids I would have bailed out long ago.

    Anyway there’s lots written about dating phases and “early” marriage. Very little about the 20 year point. I don’t know what lies beyond. My parents have gotten past 50, and while they truly married for life, they didn’t seem all that excited about it when we threw a 50th anniversary dinner for them. More worn out, partially due to health issues.

    I recently bulked upper body muscle, just a bit in the right places. (Yoga is actually good for this. That, combined with some targeted “dynamic tension” exercises, is all I did.) Rather than complimenting me or appearing attracted, that made her more angry than she usually is.

    She says literally she wants to be in charge. She said it within the past hour, tonight. Alpha type behavior makes her, as best I can describe it, resentful. You hit this nail right on the head. (She even tries dread game against me, too.)

  39. @ Rgoltn, July 19
    just read your post. This is exactly where I’m at. Found the red pill at 41 and saved the marriage, now at 47, richer and better looking with decent game, the mess is back with a vengeance. It’s not easy facing the “you were the safe bet” and the associated misery she carries and projects. This time it’s me who wants to run away from the her, but that’s a lot of history and emotional equity to throw away. How’s it going with you?

  40. Wow, is all too familiar. 51 year old reasonably successful man here – becoming more red-pilled by the day. Divorced about 9 years and happily so, father of two boys, constructive relationship with the ex-wife. Had a relationship with an attractive divorced woman 6 years my senior. Her path followed almost exactly the sequence described above.

    I was crushed by the termination of the relationship. However, what is now most disturbing is how wrong I was in my assessment of her. I am not a stupid guy, but I sorely missed this one.

  41. “Jim Campbell, 55, of Boulder, Colo., says he and his wife grew apart after 34 years together. “The No. 1 best thing in common that my ex-wife and I had was raising kids,” Campbell says. When their two sons grew up, he says, “we just didn’t have enough activities, passions, interests that were in common. And when the boys were gone, that just became more and more — to me — obvious.”

    This totally describes where I am at after being with my wife for 33 years. I guess I could say that we were both “tradcons” when we got married. Followed the programming we both were given. Postponed having children until we had a house for them to grow up in. We now have the house and three teenagers. My wife entered into early menopause at age 40 and I can say without a doubt that our relationship has been slowly dying ever since.

    I’ve been living with a dead bedroom for the past nine years and I’ve never felt so resentful my entire life.

    She basically gave up trying after becoming a mother. She had all the security she needed and she stopped trying to maintain her SMV. She got complacent and lazy. Now at 50, she is trying to find her “purpose” after basically sitting on her ass the majority of her adult life. I have provided everything for her since day one.

    I realize much like Jim Campbell, that I too, have nothing in common with my wife other than our three kids. With her sex drive evaporating 9 years ago, it feels like I live with my sister. Having to constantly listen to all of her shit and there not being an ounce of intimacy between us. She no longer has the SMV to be able to leave if she wanted to.

    And I believe this is all biology, which is the sad truth. My wife would not be able to survive without divorce raping me or finding another provider. I saw her mother do the same thing when her father died. She quickly had to find another husband to provide her with the life she was accustomed to. Men really are nothing but resources for women.

    Just like @bbb noted, passive dread seems to be the only thing to gets them to step up their efforts. My wife noticed when I started dressing up for work and hitting the gym harder. The reason was I was gaming a younger woman at work out of boredom. At a work event, my wife met a handful of thirsty females that were praising me for all my good qualities. My wife tried for a short while, but as usual, became complacent with her complete lack of desire for sex. I’m starting to see how women view sex as solely a reproductive purpose and the desire diminishes after motherhood. This is primarily from speaking with married friends in the same age group. Once they have their security and reach a certain age, they could care less what your needs are. The only ones that are still horny are the much younger wives. An unmarried woman, in a long term relationship (40 yrs old) asked me, “is it bad that I don’t desire sex anymore?” The context was that she and her boyfriend had been fighting more and more as a result of their sex life dying. Um yeah, that’s a resounding YES!

    I still want sex, but more and more, not with my wife. I’d rather sample from the thirsty females at work. I get the married starfish sex once in a blue moon and it is not satisfying. Women have a huge part in this equation. If they don’t make any effort to maintain some level of intimacy, things will start to die. What sets your wife/LTR apart from every other woman on the planet? Sex and intimacy. With neither, what’s the point? I’d much rather live alone, buy a motorcycle and spin plates.

    Thanks again Rollo, your work has opened my eyes to a lot of bullshit that has been right in my face.

    What is funny about all of this too, if you point this out to a woman, she will not take any responsibility for causing any damage.

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