Daddy Issues

I really had no intention of posting a Father’s Day post here. I’m not sure if most guy’s really understand the tragic irony of celebrating motherhood and fatherhood in some organized fashion, but it serves as a poignant highlight of the fem-centric society in which we live. This is lost on most people.

The contrast between mother’s and father’s day is perhaps one of the most easily recognizable evidence of the code in the feminine Matrix. As per the preset dictates of the Matrix, Mom is celebrated, loved and respected by default by virtue of her femaleness; Dad, if not outright vilified and publicly excoriated, is always reminded that he should be living up to the servitude that defines his disposable gender. The game is fixed, but do more Daddy, do more.

For children who blame their social ineptitude and psychological hangups on their mother, there is a certain degree of understandability. It’s difficult to blame a mother since the global impression is that mothering is a supreme effort and sacrifice. If she fails to some degree it’s excusable. For a man to blame his life’s ills on Mom smacks of latent misogyny, but lay the blame at dad’s feet and the whole world wails along in tune with you. A mother failing in her charge is negligent, but often excusable. A man failing as a father is always perceived as selfish and evil.

Matrix Fathers

Have a look at postsecret this week. It’ll all be gone by Sunday so have a look while it lasts. This week’s thread is the usual fare for Father’s Day, a hearty “Fuck You Dad!” or “You’re the reason I’m so fucked up!” interspersed with a couple ‘good dad’ sentiments so as not to entirely degrade the feminized ideal of fatherhood – wouldn’t want to discourage men’s perpetual ‘living up’ to the qualifications set by the feminine imperative. There has to be a little cheese in the maze or else the rat wont perform as desired.

I always see a marked difference in attitude between mother’s day and father’s day, especially now that I’ve been one for 14 years. I was listening to a local talk radio show on the ride home Friday that was opening lines for callers to express their ‘gratitude‘ for their fathers, as they’d done the previously in May for mother’s day. Damn near every caller had the same “fuck you dad!” story about how shitty their lives were because of their father’s influence or his lack thereof. One girl had called in to bleat out her story about how her dad had left her mother 30 years ago and for the last 10 years she’d sent him a father’s day card with a big ‘FU’ on it to tell him she’d never forgive him. Another guy called in to say how horrible his dad was for leaving his mom and how he sends her a father’s day card because he thinks she fulfilled a masculine role for him that he owes some gratitude for.

Father’s Day is a slap in the face for me now – not because my wife and daughter don’t appreciate me as a father, but because it’s become a big “fuck you” Mr. Man. It’s now a reminder (as if we needed a special occasion) that masculinity, even in as positive a light as the Matrix might muster, is devalued and debased, and we ought to just take it like a man and get over it.

Personally, when I hear cry-stories like this; the more I hear how crappy fathers perceptions are today only makes me want to be that much better a father to my daughter, and I can’t wait until I’ve got a grandson to help raise as well. That is until the reality sets in. The reality is that the only reason I feel the need to outperform other men in the father department is because a feminized social convention briefly convinced me that it’s my responsibility to compete with other men in a game where the rules are fixed to make better slaves of disposable men. Of course the bar is set so low, and men are so debased, that even the most mediocre of dads can play along too and still get the feeling that they’re marginally qualifying. The social convention plays into the same “not-like-other-guys” identification game most chumps subscribe to in their single years. The desire for uniqueness groundwork is already installed.

After realizing this, I stopped worrying about “being a good dad”. I’m already well beyond the fathering quality non-efforts my own dad embodied, but that’s not the point. A good Father goes about the business of being a father without concern for accolades. For Men, like anything else, it’s not about awards on the wall, but the overall body of work that makes for real accomplishment. A Father is a good father because he can weather an entire world that constantly tells him he’s a worthless shit by virtue of being a Man with a child. He just ‘does’, in spite of a world that will never appreciate his sacrifice and only regard his disposability as expected. And even in death he’ll still be expected to be a good dad.

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Samuel Solomon
Guest

My ex-wife graced me with this eloquence for Father’s Day this year: “Happy Father’s Day! Is that what they call a deadbeat dad who refuses to get a job and tries to ruin 4 boys’ lives! I wish you would never talk to any of my sons again.” Sorry for the poor grammar- she isn’t too smart. It’s so loaded with inaccuracy and bias that there’s no reason to even disseminate it. I have 2 jobs and am trying for a third. I love my 2 sons more than life itself and raising them and her two sons also was… Read more »

Wilf
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Wilf

“A good Father goes about the business of being a father without concern for accolades.”

I agree. For the past several years, (even pre-Red Pill), I’ve made it clear to my wife that I don’t recongnize whatever this “manufactured” holiday is. And despite the non-existent relationship I have with my dad today, I prefer to have 364 other days of the year to cherish some of the great childhood memories that make me love him despite where we find ourselves today.

Stingray
Guest

Mother’s day is as absurd as Valentine’s day. The only reason they threw Father’s day in was some semblance of fairness, I wonder if Mother’s day was established today if they would even bother.

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

The fact of the proverbial matter is, Rollo, that a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers.

Except for that part where they got knocked up by their kids’ fathers, of course.

Love's Orphan
Guest
Love's Orphan

It is the same with dec 19th. Everyone knows march 8th.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

So, other than a donation of genetic material, father’s are superfluous. Nice to have around, but beyond financial support, not entirely necessary in the maturation of a child to adult.

Got it.

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

The really fucked up thing is that much of the “good parenting” that is performed by mothers is actually borderline abusive when there is no father around to temper the feminine influence. Don’t ask me to look it up but the stats are pretty clear that the a high percentage of the dregs of society are created by single mothers.

Rico
Guest
Rico

Ran across an article last week about the origin’s of father’s day. And of course, the focus of the article was on the *woman* who supposedly came up with the idea.

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

You’re being uncharacteristically irrational(no pun) about this. I really enjoy your blog, but you just responded to me a like an irrational female would. You mentioned irony in your post, I believe. Have we swing the pendulum back on this issue? All fathers are decent, now?

I’m surprised, really.

sporto
Guest
sporto

While I do agree with most things that where said in the article. This is definitly based on a lot of anger! I love your stuff Rollo it has really helped me. This article seemed more like a venting then educational.

Danger
Guest
Danger

By what measure are the mothers better that the fathers? You have to remember, that today we define the feminine as positive, and the masculine as negative. The result is by default that women will appear to be the better parent, since they are the ones to bestow the almighty “female” point of view. The truth of the matter is, of all the parents I know, the fathers are much better at being dad’s than the mothers are, and vice-versa. To compare one against the other as equals is the equivalent of comparing apples and oranges. It cannot be done… Read more »

GeishaKate
Guest
GeishaKate

I guess I should have posted my tribute to men over here. Its at the Chateau on “More Scientific Evidence That Chicks Dig Jerks.” Hop over there and read it, or, if you want, I can repost it here. I think the point of these days is that sometimes we do need to pause and appreciate certain people/things. It may not be necessary to have a national holiday to remind us, but it gives us the opportunity to express things that may have gone unsaid. Personally, I had a horrible Mother’s Day this year. And. like Samuel, it involved my… Read more »

Senior Beta
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Senior Beta

I dunno about the no bad moms comment Rollo. Did you check out Frost’s post yesterday? What a depressing read. Except for the part about the dad in the end.

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

Now I’m being addressed like some feminist single mother who just wandered in.

Carry on, gentlemen.

Sam Spade
Guest
Sam Spade
Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Help me understand this then: On my twitter feed this morning: “Happy Father’s Day to all the single moms out there”… Sent out by a single mom and enthusiastically retweeted. This was from a comment posted on Aunt Giggles site. In my writing I often get accused of coming across as adversarial in my approach with what I offer here. I usually just pass that criticism off as the commenter not being familiar enough with my past articles to know I’ve always encouraged complimentarianism in intergender dynamics. That being said, I find it hard not to assume that fem-centrism and… Read more »

Danger
Guest
Danger

Vicomte,

I am not addressing you negatively in any way. You stated that for the most part mothers are better parents than fathers.

My question is, by what metrics? It is a very reasonable query. I would like to know what you are measuring to make that determination.

rob k
Guest
rob k

Im 22 years old and just celebrated my first fathers day as a father.my daughter is one year old and I love her so much. Me and her mother are not together so I know all about the family courts and really how little respect you get as a father, especially a young father. To me my daughter is my closest blood on the world, she is my legacy. To my ex she is a doll to dress up and a tool to get attention. I endure and work hard as hell and put up with all the bullshit and… Read more »

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

Danger, you naturally assume the entire nature of my statement and the knowledge I have reached that conclusion by is the standard feminist pablum. Nowhere did I state or (arguably) imply that mothers are better fathers than fathers. I can also assure you my opinion was not influenced by my misguided assignations of unequal worth or relevance to either sex as a parent. I said ‘a lot’ (as in a significant amount) of people had fathers who were shit parents (fathers), while their mothers were relatively better parents (mothers). I base this on my own experiences, and, like, you, people… Read more »

Danger
Guest
Danger

Vicomte,

I would have to guess that we just know different people, and have experienced very different lives.

Still, I would be most interested in knowing what metrics you are using to arrive to your conclusion that “a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers”.

Jzb
Guest
Jzb

My father was definitely the better parent of the two. My mother was bat shit crazy insane. Pretty sure she was the kind of BPD crazy bitch Rollo dated in the past. Totally self centered, full of negativity and hatred, inability to use reason or have any sort of empathy what so ever. You know how people talk about mom’s being the most supportive people in their lives? My mom was my biggest enemy and the greatest source of negativity in my life. Fucking crazy bitch, totally fucking crazy and evil. I get pissed when I talk to people about… Read more »

M3
Guest

My father was a weak willed beta who let his mother control our family and threaten to kick my mom, me and my brother out of her house on numerous occasions. He’s a different man today and i love him but im not naive enough to believe all fathers are great. But not all mothers are great either. Rapists and murderers are usually products of shitty moms. And you hear about the ones that drown their kids fairly often now too. But Rollo is correct. We are steeped in a culture that celebrated grrrrl power and that anything a man… Read more »

Anonymous 1
Guest
Anonymous 1

@Jzb My mom was pretty much like that too. Sometimes she was alright, like when I was sick. Otherwise, she was mostly just angry and took it out on me. I always wished my real parents would find me, but unfortunately, she was my real mother. Most people don’t want to believe mothers can be like that. “Oh, she loved you, she was just frustrated sometimes! It’s hard being a mother!” “She did what she thought was best for you!” “She may have made mistakes, but no one loves you like your mom!” I’d have a really horrible life if… Read more »

GeishaKate
Guest
GeishaKate

Toxic people are toxic people regardless of whether or not you are related. Its like the story “Never Cry Wolf” only on a societal scale. Because some people exaggerate and lie, others stop believing when REAL abuse, like several of you are describing is brought up. Not everyone is lying. These things do happen and when you’re talking about children, they are totally innocent victims in what goes on.

xsplat
Guest

My Mom wasn’t anywhere near as bad as yours, but she wasn’t at all like-able. She also considered me her enemy. In later years she told me that as I was my fathers favorite and was so much like him, she expressed her hatred of my father onto me. Krauser’s blog has video up of a preacher talking about single moms destroying their boys, and leading to weak men who won’t keep women’s anger at their own boys in check. The preacher claims this is a vicious circle, and that the cause is women. Men need to be both strong… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

I’ve been in SE Asia for over a decade. One of the first things I noticed is that patriarch is not a slur here. They not only respect their matriarchs, they respect their matriarchs also. When the father walks into the room of a Filipino household, the children and grandchildren will take his hand and hold it up to their forehead, while bowing. There are similar physical deferences shown in Indonesia when the patriarch enters the room. In SE Asia femininity is actually admired. You see big poster boards of young feminine women advertising the soaps and cell phone plans.… Read more »

Jzb
Guest
Jzb

It’s so difficult as a child and it’s so frustrating as an adult. I was the youngest of five, my father was emotionally absent, but a hard worker and provider. He would not leave my crazy ass mom for our sake. He eventually divorced when her when I was older, and I resented him for it. Mainly because it appeared he had thrown in the towel and felt that his job as a parent/father was done. Meanwhile I was left as an 18 year old who recognized that he was completely unprepared for life as an adult, who was in… Read more »

xsplat
Guest
Jzb
Guest
Jzb

And while I’m at it why don’t I just go ahead and share my beta blue pill to red pill story, if for no other reason than it’s therapeutic. My father was emotionally absent, my mother batshit crazy and self centered, and my siblings all significantly older than myself (5 to 11 years older). I grew left to figure out how to handle the emotional chaos I experienced everywhere (unpredictable mom, bullying at school, etc). Which basically means I learned how to not give a damn about anything, and as a result nothing was a big deal. My coping mechanism… Read more »

dragnet
Guest
dragnet

I think this is first post I’ve read where you’ve addressed male disposability in those precise terms—it’s a welcome development.

Happy (belated) Fathers’ Day, Rollo.

xsplat
Guest

I guess the idea must have been around for a while, but I first noticed male responsibility a few years ago when thinking about why women are happy to marry soldiers or entrepreneurs who take high risks. I doubt they are conscious of it, but to women it really doesn’t much matter if their provider croaks while she is still attractive. Nor is it a woman’s risk if her mate goes broke. She can always do what women usually do when the man suddenly loses his status and finances and release the inner bitch to cause a breakup. I guess… Read more »

dragnet
Guest
dragnet

“The fact of the proverbial matter is, Rollo, that a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers.”

How does this justify the general vilification of fathers and fatherhood on Fathers’ Day? After all, it’s just as true that many people’s fathers were better parents than their mothers—would this then be sufficient to justify rhetorically flaying them on Mothers’ Day?

You’re an idiot.

dragnet
Guest
dragnet

I quite agree—with especial emphasis on the fact that this is not a conscious thought-process on the part of most women. Just their constant genetic subroutine—how they were programmed thousands of years ago to maximize their reproductive fitness. Yes, “male disposability” as an idea is old. But these days the term is most closely associated with MRAs and I was surprised to see Rollo using it as I hadn’t seen much use of MRA terminology on this blog. I’m not in total agreement with the MRAs, but I have found their language and terminology very useful in framing and discussing… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

I’m not a big proponent of the MRA mindset in terms of solutions, but in terms of analyzing the social and economic implications of feminine primacy I can’t find much to argue with. If the MRM is one thing it’s thorough in doing its homework. They’ll predictably be marginalized as misogynists and “losers with little dicks” by the mainstream, but the statistics that back up their rational arguments? That they have in spades. In respect to my own Game theory perspective, I’m all inclusive. I think the PUA and MRA camps are far more alike than either is comfortable with… Read more »

Different T
Guest
Different T

From “The Blacksmith and the Woodsman” Human beings have an amazing ability to normalize their own conditions. Anything can become normal. It’s how we normalize a condition that separates the reality of a situation from our perception of it. Now think for a bit of how this dynamic applies to yourself? From “The Feminine Reality” You get married, out of fear for not being found acceptable of it, or from social shame for not yet having accepted your role in service to the imperative. Your children are offered in tribute to it, while in turn you unknowingly perpetuate it in… Read more »

Wet Willy
Guest
Wet Willy

My Ex has a Father who cared for her every need. ** He put her through a full ride Ivy League college. ** He’s helped her financially post college since her $80,000 Fine-Arts cum English degree only yielded a ~ $35K/yr job. ** He has a savings account he started for her that he adds to every Christmas. ** He and Mom call every year and sing a cheesy happy birthday over the phone. ** They visit 1-2X/year despite her living 2000 miles away. ** He will provide the down payment + for a house should she decide to buy.… Read more »

Stingray
Guest

She despises that he puts up with her crap.

gregg
Guest
gregg

yeah, you my beloved husband – please work your ass off for me and MY children and I will be watching and using all the things you have brought to my knees. You are even allowed to have a couple of beers with your buddies form time to time. Of course I will love you – as long as you are beneficial to me and MY children. But note that if you go broke I will take you to the cleaners for all you have and use it for the benefit of me and MY children. In short – take… Read more »

Danger
Guest
Danger

Just for the record Vicomte,

Your exact quote was “a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers”. Again, and now for the fourth time, I am asking what metrics you have used to make this determination?

Since you have not answered that question in any of my three previous posts, what would a reasonable man presume?

Jon
Guest
Jon

Daughter shit testing Father!

SouthTX
Guest
SouthTX

Guess I’m lucky. Kid’s turn to me when Mom get’s hormonal for a dose of reason. Spent Father’s day kicked back. Hardest part is convincing knuckleheaded teenage sons there are times to ignore their mother. The Mrs knows bitch means I ignore her.

Stingray
Guest

Oh yes. How do you think we perfect it? 😉

SouthTX
Guest
SouthTX

The kid’s live the good life. But they are smart enough to be thankful as hell. Most of their friends aren’t as lucky.

Mr. Jo
Guest
Mr. Jo

Gregg, do you have your own site?

Your one of my favorite commenters here..

Team-Red
Guest
Team-Red

Fathers, like all men, are expendable. Feminists and politicians have decided that men are not required to raise children and that our only duty is to provide them with our resources through laws and taxation. She can keep the house, kids, half his income, and hop back on the carousel all within five years of walking down the aisle. What does he get? Every other weekend with the kids.

As men we’re fucked. If you marry and have kids she can walk with everything whether you like it or not.

gregg
Guest
gregg

nope. I am retired divorce lawyer – just for the sake of young men I have to keep it to myself or there would be no more marriages 🙂 in addition, my english is too bad, it is not my home language.

Cho
Guest
Cho

Has anyone else seen this advert:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NScs_qX2Okk&list=PL0EBC37099AEFB087&index=1&feature=plcp

Apparently being a mother is now the hardest job in the world.

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

I don’t have hard data. It’s a ‘know it when you see it’ (or hear about it) kind of thing. Is it really so hard to believe that some fathers are bad, and some mothers better than them? I’m not sure there is any way to quantify parental performance, except based on anecdotal report. A useful bit of evidence would be, as mentioned, how many people appear to express negativity toward their fathers on Father’s Day, while there is seemingly less of this on Mother’s Day. I can tell you that my father was pretty worthless, while my mother did… Read more »

treylesnorth
Guest

Hey, Rollo

Happy belated Fathers Day… asshole

All joking aside though, you are in my top five men’s/game blogs I check out every morning like they were the newspaper. One of these five is never cited by any of the three Ro’s or other best known bloggers despite his volume of work. He covers certain specifics of everything in a way that I haven’t quite seen before. I was wondering what you might think. Here’s a link to a random list page of his posts on variety of topics if you have the time and care to take a look.

http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/page/21/

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

There is no ‘general vilification’. The people with shitty fathers will express that negativity on Father’s Day; the feminists will spew their usual tripe; it’s not a conspiracy. It may be more socially acceptable to do such on Father’s Day than Mother’s Day, but that is not causation.

If your kids piss on Father’s day, it’s your fault as a father. I have no sympathy and will not excuse the entire phenomenon as feminist propaganda.

Not everything is persecution.

Wilson
Guest
Wilson

Bitchfests do feed into themselves to provide self-causation. As to your point that mothers are often better—of course they will usually appear to be, since they are in the nurturing role. If your mom put you in a pen with a lactating pig you would love that pig more than either of your parents. The father’s contributions of money and discipline just aren’t going to be valued as much, and he can be pushed away by the mother at any time. And it’s pretty common that she will jealously prevent the father from getting too close to the kids. Also… Read more »

Vicomte
Guest
Vicomte

But this is my point: I’m saying, for some of us, our mothers fulfilled their nurturing role, while our fathers didn’t fulfill their character-building one.

Is that so difficult to understand? That some men fail?

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[…] you know?  girls – they actually have something called… “daddy” issues!  Ooh! […]

K_C
Guest
K_C

Thanks for sharing JZB. In can personally relate to much of your story. Yes, churchianity has done a number on those of us who aren’t automatic alphas. Glad to hear you are on the path to recovery and re-identifying yourself.

K_C
Guest
K_C

While I completely agree with this post and am disgusted at the reality that if you went off on your mom on mother’s day like is acceptable on father’s day that you’d be shouted down in quick order, but I would suspect that there actually *are* more bad fathers these days. First of all, fatherhood is measured with a feminine metric: is dad loving, caring, and nurturing? If not then “Bad dad! Bad dad! You suck!” Well, of course dad’s are bad at being *moms*! Secondly, after several generations now of the feminine imperitive and unrestrained hypergamy you have many… Read more »

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Randy
Guest

Maybe some Dad’s should stop being such dickbags and you won’t see that many posts like that?

sway
Guest
sway

My father raised me on his own from the time I was around 10 years old because my mother was a bipolar drug addict. I wish him a happy father’s day and a happy mother’s day. I refused to speak to my mother.

Happy father’s day, dad.

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Driver
Guest
Driver

There are plenty of “deadbeat moms” out there, today (my brother was living with one for 5 years until she skipped town). Now, he is raising my niece with the help of my family (my sister, mom) helping out. You don’t hear about these women because the media doesn’t report it that often and society doesn’t believe it exists (similar to ignoring domestic abuse where the man is the true victim). Society is always going to favor women because they’ll always play the victim – even when they are wrong (or the abuser). It’s another example of selective “equality”. Loading...