Daddy Issues

I really had no intention of posting a Father’s Day post here. I’m not sure if most guy’s really understand the tragic irony of celebrating motherhood and fatherhood in some organized fashion, but it serves as a poignant highlight of the fem-centric society in which we live. This is lost on most people.

The contrast between mother’s and father’s day is perhaps one of the most easily recognizable evidence of the code in the feminine Matrix. As per the preset dictates of the Matrix, Mom is celebrated, loved and respected by default by virtue of her femaleness; Dad, if not outright vilified and publicly excoriated, is always reminded that he should be living up to the servitude that defines his disposable gender. The game is fixed, but do more Daddy, do more.

For children who blame their social ineptitude and psychological hangups on their mother, there is a certain degree of understandability. It’s difficult to blame a mother since the global impression is that mothering is a supreme effort and sacrifice. If she fails to some degree it’s excusable. For a man to blame his life’s ills on Mom smacks of latent misogyny, but lay the blame at dad’s feet and the whole world wails along in tune with you. A mother failing in her charge is negligent, but often excusable. A man failing as a father is always perceived as selfish and evil.

Matrix Fathers

Have a look at postsecret this week. It’ll all be gone by Sunday so have a look while it lasts. This week’s thread is the usual fare for Father’s Day, a hearty “Fuck You Dad!” or “You’re the reason I’m so fucked up!” interspersed with a couple ‘good dad’ sentiments so as not to entirely degrade the feminized ideal of fatherhood – wouldn’t want to discourage men’s perpetual ‘living up’ to the qualifications set by the feminine imperative. There has to be a little cheese in the maze or else the rat wont perform as desired.

I always see a marked difference in attitude between mother’s day and father’s day, especially now that I’ve been one for 14 years. I was listening to a local talk radio show on the ride home Friday that was opening lines for callers to express their ‘gratitude‘ for their fathers, as they’d done the previously in May for mother’s day. Damn near every caller had the same “fuck you dad!” story about how shitty their lives were because of their father’s influence or his lack thereof. One girl had called in to bleat out her story about how her dad had left her mother 30 years ago and for the last 10 years she’d sent him a father’s day card with a big ‘FU’ on it to tell him she’d never forgive him. Another guy called in to say how horrible his dad was for leaving his mom and how he sends her a father’s day card because he thinks she fulfilled a masculine role for him that he owes some gratitude for.

Father’s Day is a slap in the face for me now – not because my wife and daughter don’t appreciate me as a father, but because it’s become a big “fuck you” Mr. Man. It’s now a reminder (as if we needed a special occasion) that masculinity, even in as positive a light as the Matrix might muster, is devalued and debased, and we ought to just take it like a man and get over it.

Personally, when I hear cry-stories like this; the more I hear how crappy fathers perceptions are today only makes me want to be that much better a father to my daughter, and I can’t wait until I’ve got a grandson to help raise as well. That is until the reality sets in. The reality is that the only reason I feel the need to outperform other men in the father department is because a feminized social convention briefly convinced me that it’s my responsibility to compete with other men in a game where the rules are fixed to make better slaves of disposable men. Of course the bar is set so low, and men are so debased, that even the most mediocre of dads can play along too and still get the feeling that they’re marginally qualifying. The social convention plays into the same “not-like-other-guys” identification game most chumps subscribe to in their single years. The desire for uniqueness groundwork is already installed.

After realizing this, I stopped worrying about “being a good dad”. I’m already well beyond the fathering quality non-efforts my own dad embodied, but that’s not the point. A good Father goes about the business of being a father without concern for accolades. For Men, like anything else, it’s not about awards on the wall, but the overall body of work that makes for real accomplishment. A Father is a good father because he can weather an entire world that constantly tells him he’s a worthless shit by virtue of being a Man with a child. He just ‘does’, in spite of a world that will never appreciate his sacrifice and only regard his disposability as expected. And even in death he’ll still be expected to be a good dad.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

60 comments on “Daddy Issues

  1. My ex-wife graced me with this eloquence for Father’s Day this year:

    “Happy Father’s Day! Is that what they call a deadbeat dad who refuses to get a job and tries to ruin 4 boys’ lives! I wish you would never talk to any of my sons again.”

    Sorry for the poor grammar- she isn’t too smart.

    It’s so loaded with inaccuracy and bias that there’s no reason to even disseminate it. I have 2 jobs and am trying for a third. I love my 2 sons more than life itself and raising them and her two sons also was the finest thing I have ever done in my life. They are exceptional boys, fine young men. But as per usual, when she gets angry, she’ll throw out any words she can come up with that she thinks will hurt, regardless of accuracy or any other reasonable consideration.

    Disgusting. There’s no way to win, only degrees of losing.

    My older boy just turned 18 and my youngest is 15. Almost done with this shit.

    In the end, the only thing I care about is an enduring, positive bond between my sons and I, and I have no doubts about that. Accolades, the approval of others, recognition… the whole thing is just a big circle jerk.

    I won’t spend a bit of energy on that kind of pretense or defense.

  2. “A good Father goes about the business of being a father without concern for accolades.”

    I agree. For the past several years, (even pre-Red Pill), I’ve made it clear to my wife that I don’t recongnize whatever this “manufactured” holiday is. And despite the non-existent relationship I have with my dad today, I prefer to have 364 other days of the year to cherish some of the great childhood memories that make me love him despite where we find ourselves today.

  3. Mother’s day is as absurd as Valentine’s day. The only reason they threw Father’s day in was some semblance of fairness, I wonder if Mother’s day was established today if they would even bother.

    1. Ran across an article last week about the origin’s of father’s day. And of course, the focus of the article was on the *woman* who supposedly came up with the idea.

  4. The fact of the proverbial matter is, Rollo, that a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers.

    Except for that part where they got knocked up by their kids’ fathers, of course.

    1. So, other than a donation of genetic material, father’s are superfluous. Nice to have around, but beyond financial support, not entirely necessary in the maturation of a child to adult.

      Got it.

      1. You’re being uncharacteristically irrational(no pun) about this. I really enjoy your blog, but you just responded to me a like an irrational female would. You mentioned irony in your post, I believe. Have we swing the pendulum back on this issue? All fathers are decent, now?

        I’m surprised, really.

        1. By what measure are the mothers better that the fathers? You have to remember, that today we define the feminine as positive, and the masculine as negative. The result is by default that women will appear to be the better parent, since they are the ones to bestow the almighty “female” point of view.

          The truth of the matter is, of all the parents I know, the fathers are much better at being dad’s than the mothers are, and vice-versa. To compare one against the other as equals is the equivalent of comparing apples and oranges. It cannot be done and you are only fooling yourself, because almost assuredly, you are only measuring the femcentric metrics.

          1. Now I’m being addressed like some feminist single mother who just wandered in.

            Carry on, gentlemen.

          2. Vicomte,

            I am not addressing you negatively in any way. You stated that for the most part mothers are better parents than fathers.

            My question is, by what metrics? It is a very reasonable query. I would like to know what you are measuring to make that determination.

          3. I don’t have hard data. It’s a ‘know it when you see it’ (or hear about it) kind of thing. Is it really so hard to believe that some fathers are bad, and some mothers better than them? I’m not sure there is any way to quantify parental performance, except based on anecdotal report.

            A useful bit of evidence would be, as mentioned, how many people appear to express negativity toward their fathers on Father’s Day, while there is seemingly less of this on Mother’s Day.

            I can tell you that my father was pretty worthless, while my mother did reasonably well. Apparently I’m not the only one that feels this way. This isn’t completely attributable to femcentric media bias. You can’t convince a group of intelligent people that fathers are lacking in any way without actual merit.

            Danger, if you can make the assertion that the fathers you know are better fathers than the mothers are mothers, then, logically, can I not make the inverse assertion without defining my method of judging?

            Why is the concept that fathers can be incompetent anathema?

        2. Help me understand this then:

          On my twitter feed this morning: “Happy Father’s Day to all the single moms out there”… Sent out by a single mom and enthusiastically retweeted.

          This was from a comment posted on Aunt Giggles site. In my writing I often get accused of coming across as adversarial in my approach with what I offer here. I usually just pass that criticism off as the commenter not being familiar enough with my past articles to know I’ve always encouraged complimentarianism in intergender dynamics.

          That being said, I find it hard not to assume that fem-centrism and its purveyors are anything but adversarial in their approach after reading things like this or seeing Father’s Day celebrated as an opportunity to crucify Fathers as a whole.

          The point of todays topic isn’t debating whether or not good or bad Fathers exist, but, as in your response, Father’s Day has become an occasion to highlight the obsolescence of men in raising children.

          Father’s Day in girl-world is meant to showcase women’s (suposed) superiority in Fathering children with an enthusiastic chorus of beta-raised kidult men (remember, the generation raised by single mothers that pisses of the spinster of today?) and ‘daddy issues’ girls singing their praises.

          And of course, what feminine social convention would be complete without adding the Male Catch 22 and leave the caveat for NAFALT (‘not all father’s are like that’, except the ones that are)

          1. Danger, you naturally assume the entire nature of my statement and the knowledge I have reached that conclusion by is the standard feminist pablum. Nowhere did I state or (arguably) imply that mothers are better fathers than fathers. I can also assure you my opinion was not influenced by my misguided assignations of unequal worth or relevance to either sex as a parent.

            I said ‘a lot’ (as in a significant amount) of people had fathers who were shit parents (fathers), while their mothers were relatively better parents (mothers). I base this on my own experiences, and, like, you, people I know and have observed. I was merely highlighting the possibility (that Rollo seems to have disregarded in this post) that men aren’t always great fathers, and some mothers do a much better job mothering than fathers do fathering, hence the seemingly large amount of disproportionate (to Mother’s Day) negativity toward fathers and Father’s Day.

            Rollo, I was suggesting that this isn’t necessarily feminist influence acting. As I said, a lot of people had shitty fathers. In the case one is one of those people, naturally they’d take a harsher stance on Father’s Day (it’s a personal holiday, directed toward one man) than Mother’s Day.

            I did not mention the idea that fathers are obsolete or unnecessary at all in my comment (I wouldn’t). You read what you wanted to read.

            Usually your writing is very true and fair. This time, you seem to have blinders on. I made a slight observation as a possible explanation for some of what you are seeing; the facet of the matter you seem to have ignored completely. It’s not an attack or even a dissenting opinion, really. I’m genuinely surprised you don’t understand this.

          2. Vicomte,

            I would have to guess that we just know different people, and have experienced very different lives.

            Still, I would be most interested in knowing what metrics you are using to arrive to your conclusion that “a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers”.

          3. Just for the record Vicomte,

            Your exact quote was “a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers”. Again, and now for the fourth time, I am asking what metrics you have used to make this determination?

            Since you have not answered that question in any of my three previous posts, what would a reasonable man presume?

    2. “The fact of the proverbial matter is, Rollo, that a lot of people’s mothers were better parents than their fathers.”

      How does this justify the general vilification of fathers and fatherhood on Fathers’ Day? After all, it’s just as true that many people’s fathers were better parents than their mothers—would this then be sufficient to justify rhetorically flaying them on Mothers’ Day?

      You’re an idiot.

      1. There is no ‘general vilification’. The people with shitty fathers will express that negativity on Father’s Day; the feminists will spew their usual tripe; it’s not a conspiracy. It may be more socially acceptable to do such on Father’s Day than Mother’s Day, but that is not causation.

        If your kids piss on Father’s day, it’s your fault as a father. I have no sympathy and will not excuse the entire phenomenon as feminist propaganda.

        Not everything is persecution.

        1. Bitchfests do feed into themselves to provide self-causation. As to your point that mothers are often better—of course they will usually appear to be, since they are in the nurturing role. If your mom put you in a pen with a lactating pig you would love that pig more than either of your parents. The father’s contributions of money and discipline just aren’t going to be valued as much, and he can be pushed away by the mother at any time. And it’s pretty common that she will jealously prevent the father from getting too close to the kids. Also since you are a son, conflict with the other male and closeness with the female in your family is primordial. But when it comes to actual character-building, mothers usually actually fall short.

          1. But this is my point: I’m saying, for some of us, our mothers fulfilled their nurturing role, while our fathers didn’t fulfill their character-building one.

            Is that so difficult to understand? That some men fail?

  5. The really fucked up thing is that much of the “good parenting” that is performed by mothers is actually borderline abusive when there is no father around to temper the feminine influence. Don’t ask me to look it up but the stats are pretty clear that the a high percentage of the dregs of society are created by single mothers.

  6. While I do agree with most things that where said in the article. This is definitly based on a lot of anger! I love your stuff Rollo it has really helped me. This article seemed more like a venting then educational.

  7. I guess I should have posted my tribute to men over here. Its at the Chateau on “More Scientific Evidence That Chicks Dig Jerks.” Hop over there and read it, or, if you want, I can repost it here.

    I think the point of these days is that sometimes we do need to pause and appreciate certain people/things. It may not be necessary to have a national holiday to remind us, but it gives us the opportunity to express things that may have gone unsaid.

    Personally, I had a horrible Mother’s Day this year. And. like Samuel, it involved my ex. But, only a couple weeks beforehand, my daughter gave me the most beautiful compliment. Obviously her comment was far more important and valuable.

    And, truth be told, I became very frustrated with my ex yesterday and said something rude in front of our daughter (I’ve never done that before:( )because he has been acting increasingly childish over the last month, so it got to me too. I think its extra stressful on divorced couples as you’re supposed to be celebrating the other parent and most likely you don’t feel like it. In the past I have picked out a gift with my daughter, we’ve made cards, etc. but considering he was so put out he had to spend time with her I just didn’t have it in me.

    Rollo/Samuel: Its obvious to me you are both good fathers. Gosh, even McDonald’s knows about Rollo. They named a McFlurry after him! 🙂

  8. I dunno about the no bad moms comment Rollo. Did you check out Frost’s post yesterday? What a depressing read. Except for the part about the dad in the end.

  9. Im 22 years old and just celebrated my first fathers day as a daughter is one year old and I love her so much. Me and her mother are not together so I know all about the family courts and really how little respect you get as a father, especially a young father. To me my daughter is my closest blood on the world, she is my legacy. To my ex she is a doll to dress up and a tool to get attention. I endure and work hard as hell and put up with all the bullshit and disrespect because I love my daughter. In the end she will be the judge of how good a father I was. Shell know I tried my best.

  10. My father was definitely the better parent of the two. My mother was bat shit crazy insane. Pretty sure she was the kind of BPD crazy bitch Rollo dated in the past. Totally self centered, full of negativity and hatred, inability to use reason or have any sort of empathy what so ever.

    You know how people talk about mom’s being the most supportive people in their lives? My mom was my biggest enemy and the greatest source of negativity in my life. Fucking crazy bitch, totally fucking crazy and evil.

    I get pissed when I talk to people about how fucking crazy she was. People look at me and just say bullshit like “Oh all moms are crazy” or “Oh she was just being a mom”. Yeah because normal mom’s smack the shit out of you when you spill a glass of water…

    It’s fucking ridiculous, it’s like people can’t even fathom that there are shit mothers out there who should never be allowed to be around children.

    Her death was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I cannot recall a single moment in my childhood or adult life where I ever wanted to be around her. In fact I spent all of my childhood hoping she would die somehow (natural causes, murdered, accident, didn’t matter). Yeah, that’s fucked up isn’t it? But that’s the truth, unfortunately the blue pill society doesn’t want to hear the truth. That there are a lot of fucked up moms out there.

    1. My Mom wasn’t anywhere near as bad as yours, but she wasn’t at all like-able. She also considered me her enemy. In later years she told me that as I was my fathers favorite and was so much like him, she expressed her hatred of my father onto me.

      Krauser’s blog has video up of a preacher talking about single moms destroying their boys, and leading to weak men who won’t keep women’s anger at their own boys in check. The preacher claims this is a vicious circle, and that the cause is women. Men need to be both strong and in the home to keep women in check, but women try to prevent their boys from becoming strong men and choose men they can dominate.

      In my case I avoided emotional involvement with my Mom by outright hating her. My Dad told me he thought this was the wisest and most emotionally healthy course of action I could take. But when I told my acquaintances in school that I hated I Mom, I was met with universal disbelief. It just didn’t compute to them. “But.. but.. but…” they would sputter. “you CAN’T hate your Mom! It’s not possible!”

      Now that I’m older and she has no power over me, we get along great. In fact of all her children, I’m the most in touch and supportive. Sometimes disengaging with hate really is more appropriate than engaging a problematic personality with love. There are bad parents that you don’t want to be emotionally invested in, just as there are bad spouses.

      My previous strategies when dating a BPD girls were first of all love them unconditionally, when they were in both their angel and devil phases. I had thought that was working, until a few years later I realized that there was no progress and I was at the point of emotional breakdown. Then with other BPDs I tried being intimate during their angel phases, and avoiding them altogether during their devil phases. That just exacerbated the girls abandonment and sent her wild with rage which bled over into any angel time. With another I again tried intimacy and love while avoiding abuse, and tried to instill discipline and boundaries. I again wound up getting seriously emotionally wound down. I finally realized that although BPDs may have the best highs, you can’t just take their highs and avoid their lows. Now at the first sign of BPD behaviour I’m out.

      And how much more difficult is it for a child? He has much less ability to decide to just get out of his relationship with his parent. Less mental and physical ability. But sometimes in sick relationships it is best to avoid both the good and the bad of it. Avoid ALL emotional intimacy with the abuser. This goes for children dealing with parents who have personality disorders.

      1. It’s so difficult as a child and it’s so frustrating as an adult. I was the youngest of five, my father was emotionally absent, but a hard worker and provider. He would not leave my crazy ass mom for our sake. He eventually divorced when her when I was older, and I resented him for it. Mainly because it appeared he had thrown in the towel and felt that his job as a parent/father was done. Meanwhile I was left as an 18 year old who recognized that he was completely unprepared for life as an adult, who was in dire need of a father’s guidance. It’s taken 10 years to climb out of the emotional/mental handicap that growing up in that house hold has had on me, and I’m barely scratching the surface, but at least I’m aware and can progress.

        Needless to say after the death of my father a few years ago, I finally realized the profound of impact he had on my life simply by how seriously he took his responsibility/duty to provide for his children, even while being with my crazy ass mom. I am certainly not a paragon of success by any means, but in my late twenties I am debt free and have recently begun earning a six figure salary (Though this is more due to a specialized skill-set that is in high demand rather than some sort of alpha like business acumen) Surprisingly enough my beta tendencies have helped me advance in my career, as I’ve earned the reputation for being reliable, patient, and easy to work with from several of our international customers. Anyway without a doubt I owe who I am today to my father, because I learned so much even from his distant example. Fortunately I have the ability to not just focus on the negative.

        Anyway your strategy is pretty much how I always dealt with my mom. Though it was difficult when I lived under her roof because she could abuse me to no end and I felt trapped. She did everything in her power to ensure that I was not enabled/empowered as a man. And my father never really empowered me as noted above.

        1. And while I’m at it why don’t I just go ahead and share my beta blue pill to red pill story, if for no other reason than it’s therapeutic.

          My father was emotionally absent, my mother batshit crazy and self centered, and my siblings all significantly older than myself (5 to 11 years older). I grew left to figure out how to handle the emotional chaos I experienced everywhere (unpredictable mom, bullying at school, etc). Which basically means I learned how to not give a damn about anything, and as a result nothing was a big deal. My coping mechanism was just to avoid as much drama as possible. I spent every waking hour at home gaming online. I was a decent student, I did play sports in high school but wasn’t that great, but it was huge for me because I was a big time computer nerd with a physique that matched.

          Anyway 17 comes around, I become a born again Christian. I spend the next ten years of my life balls deep in Christianity. Living by faith was the motto, missions trips, church functions all week long, you name it I was in it. I can’t say it was all bad, a lot of good came from it. However at the end of the day my beta tendancies only increased because Churches are a place where guys are encouraged to be nice and beta. And I bought into it hardcore, I became even more nice and even more beta (as noted by my four to five days a week of attendance/service/etc). Of course I bought into the whole “Guys should be nice, treat women well, and be good Christians. And when you decide you want to start dating, women will fall at your feet”. Obviously this didn’t happen. Though I never let myself get friend zoned, I was guilty of thinking being nice/capitulating/indecisive/deferring was the way to win women over.

          Anyway I found the manosphre by first ending up on Haleys halo when searching for “Christian dating sucks” in google. I’ve taken the red pill and haven’t looked back. I’ve begun seriously tackling the emotional retardation and am fighting to be more decisive, proactive, more masculine, and all around a more quality man. Dalrock,Rolo, Heartiste,

          As I look back on my time serving in the church I can’t help but be totally fucking pissed off at the whole establishment. Looking back it was all run by alpha males who were former bad boys, who now have everything that they want, and presume to tell other people how to live their lives for the sake of their agenda of building a bigger church or achieving whatever their ministry goal is. It leaves betas left for dead as they strive to please God and hope that their needs are met somehow by following the program. In my case I served to my own neglect. I never developed a sense of masculinity, of who I was, of what I wanted out of life. I never learned how to make decisions for myself, I always needed direction from leadership, church, or “God”. Which of course always seemed to point to me doing more for the church and less for myself.

          You know I’ve really taken two red pills. One in relation to all the stuff on the manosphere, and the other in regards to Christianity/churchianity.

          What’s really fucked up about it is that being a Christian encouraged me to be mediocre and passive. It’s implicit in the teaching that what you need to be about is the Lord and His work and that everything else will fall into place. “Seek first the Kingdom”, “God will give you the desires of your heart”, etc etc etc. In essence I became a church drone and ignored every other area of my life to its detriment. I could have been more serious about my career, I could have been pursuing personal growth/development, hobbies, social activities, the development of my masculinity etc. Instead I lead bible studies, helped single moms move, worked my ass off for everyone else’s sake, all the while noticing that there were very few people doing the same. And in retrospect I noticed that the most alpha of the bunch were off focusing on their careers, spending time with their “healthy” families, securing hot wives, having fun, all the while leaving the drones to do the heavy lifting and self sacrificing.

          Needless to say I’m pissed and frustrated that I neglected myself for so long. I can’t accuse those leaders of ill intentions, because I do believe they meant well. However I was so young and naive I just wasnt able to recognize what I recognize now. In retrospect it’ll be a cold day in hell before I listen to anyone who wants to tell me what I need to do with my life when they do not have any stake in the consequences. I have hope in knowing my value increases as I age, and that I haven’t fallen into any traps thus far.

          At the end of the day I’ve begun my journey and I’m trying to figure it out. While I desperately long for real intimacy with a woman, I’m not desperate. At this point I’m thinking I am going to sit out for a year or two while I focus on myself and then reevaluate where to go in terms of the woman route. Ideally I’d like to think I could become the kind of man that would attract a quality woman (if such a thing exists) and could manage a successful marriage, but maybe that’s beta naivety talking still. At the same time I fear PUA style harem/plate spinning chick banging is only going to lead to a damaged emotional state (I speak only for myself, this isn’t a jab I’m making at the guys who bang freely).

          1. Thanks for sharing JZB. In can personally relate to much of your story. Yes, churchianity has done a number on those of us who aren’t automatic alphas. Glad to hear you are on the path to recovery and re-identifying yourself.

  11. My father was a weak willed beta who let his mother control our family and threaten to kick my mom, me and my brother out of her house on numerous occasions. He’s a different man today and i love him but im not naive enough to believe all fathers are great.

    But not all mothers are great either. Rapists and murderers are usually products of shitty moms. And you hear about the ones that drown their kids fairly often now too.

    But Rollo is correct. We are steeped in a culture that celebrated grrrrl power and that anything a man could do women could only better. We don’t need useless men. Don’t need them to support women (altho indirect through gov’t programs are sweet) and we don’t need them to help raise children. We’re strong, fierce, independent and fabulous. Who needs men.. we got dildos! LOL.


    When men have become the disposable class, to be used and discarded like a used leg razor.. a day meant to celebrate fathers seems like pouring salt in the wound.

  12. @Jzb

    My mom was pretty much like that too. Sometimes she was alright, like when I was sick. Otherwise, she was mostly just angry and took it out on me. I always wished my real parents would find me, but unfortunately, she was my real mother.

    Most people don’t want to believe mothers can be like that. “Oh, she loved you, she was just frustrated sometimes! It’s hard being a mother!” “She did what she thought was best for you!” “She may have made mistakes, but no one loves you like your mom!” I’d have a really horrible life if that last one was true.

    My dad didn’t care enough to stop her, but at least he wasn’t actively abusive. I don’t send mother’s or father’s cards to either one or call them on the holiday. They don’t deserve it.

    1. Toxic people are toxic people regardless of whether or not you are related. Its like the story “Never Cry Wolf” only on a societal scale. Because some people exaggerate and lie, others stop believing when REAL abuse, like several of you are describing is brought up. Not everyone is lying. These things do happen and when you’re talking about children, they are totally innocent victims in what goes on.

  13. I’ve been in SE Asia for over a decade. One of the first things I noticed is that patriarch is not a slur here. They not only respect their matriarchs, they respect their matriarchs also.

    When the father walks into the room of a Filipino household, the children and grandchildren will take his hand and hold it up to their forehead, while bowing. There are similar physical deferences shown in Indonesia when the patriarch enters the room.

    In SE Asia femininity is actually admired. You see big poster boards of young feminine women advertising the soaps and cell phone plans. I recall in the west the sentiment was that you couldn’t get away with showing extreme youth and beauty – you had to only show women in their mid twenties and up – preferably in their thirties, on billboards. And I don’t recall the female models wearing light feminine dresses in North America. The women folk would protest. Too much competition anxiety.

    I haven’t seen feminism get any stronger here this last decade. Perhaps it’s because the social contract is more open. Men are expected to earn the quality of their wife through all the alpha traits we talk about, but especially through money, and women are expected to support that man in return for a place in a stable household. There are working women here, but for the most part the employment of a woman is to be a wife. Part of that job includes, in the initial stages especially, being charming and feminine, in order to attract the highest quality provider. It is expected that this husband hunting job is to happen at a young age – late teens to early twenties, although delaying into mid to late twenties in some circles is only just outside of the tolerable range. The very job description of women here absolutely includes playing up youth and beauty to their maximum advantage.

    While SEA cultures are absolutely matriarchal, with women holding the real household power in the bulk of cases, the men are given their due. The men receive power and respect, and are the titular heads of the family. There is no big culture wide power struggle over which sex has primacy. Women are allowed to be feminine, men are allowed to be masculine. Women are allowed to try to gain household power, but they don’t tend to do so in opposition to the man, rather they do it through the man. And men in the position to have affairs are given more leeway than in the west (although certainly the wife will try to stop it, it’s no grounds for divorce, and in some cases she may even overlook as long as she isn’t loosing face). In short there is an open acceptance of sex differences and an open acceptance of the different sex roles.

    I tend to think feminism grew out of birth control and anonymous urban living and the service economy giving women autonomy to choose to date alphas without needing commitment. The uglier girls in such an environment fight for the alphas through their strategies of shaming youth and beauty, whereas in without the self sufficiency these times provide them they would be forced instead to compete for lower status men using what feminine whiles they could muster, now they compete head to head with hotter girls by trying to even the playing field by stopping men from having sex with “underage” girls and being very negatively vocal about younger (more attractive) women dating the older (more established) men.

    But even though these same conditions are starting to happen in SEA, we aren’t seeing feminism happen in the same way. We are seeing the girls date longer before marriage, but we don’t see the man hate.

    Why? Because here women realize that working is not such a good deal. They realize that they want kids. They realize that having the option for the man to make money while they raise the kids is actually a hell of a lot better than going to work everyday and trying to “have it all”. No girl here wants that. And why would they?

  14. I think this is first post I’ve read where you’ve addressed male disposability in those precise terms—it’s a welcome development.

    Happy (belated) Fathers’ Day, Rollo.

    1. I guess the idea must have been around for a while, but I first noticed male responsibility a few years ago when thinking about why women are happy to marry soldiers or entrepreneurs who take high risks.

      I doubt they are conscious of it, but to women it really doesn’t much matter if their provider croaks while she is still attractive. Nor is it a woman’s risk if her mate goes broke. She can always do what women usually do when the man suddenly loses his status and finances and release the inner bitch to cause a breakup.

      I guess it was three years ago this dawned on me. You’ll never find a women admit this though. And to them that’s not reality, because it’s not their feelings. Never mind that it is their actions.

      Women go for high risk men because they gain the advantages of the mans risk without taking much risk themselves. Let him die or fail – she’ll do fine.

      1. I quite agree—with especial emphasis on the fact that this is not a conscious thought-process on the part of most women. Just their constant genetic subroutine—how they were programmed thousands of years ago to maximize their reproductive fitness.

        Yes, “male disposability” as an idea is old. But these days the term is most closely associated with MRAs and I was surprised to see Rollo using it as I hadn’t seen much use of MRA terminology on this blog. I’m not in total agreement with the MRAs, but I have found their language and terminology very useful in framing and discussing gender issues.

        1. I’m not a big proponent of the MRA mindset in terms of solutions, but in terms of analyzing the social and economic implications of feminine primacy I can’t find much to argue with.

          If the MRM is one thing it’s thorough in doing its homework. They’ll predictably be marginalized as misogynists and “losers with little dicks” by the mainstream, but the statistics that back up their rational arguments? That they have in spades.

          In respect to my own Game theory perspective, I’m all inclusive. I think the PUA and MRA camps are far more alike than either is comfortable with admitting, it’s just that their actionable solutions differ in practice.

  15. From “The Blacksmith and the Woodsman”

    Human beings have an amazing ability to normalize their own conditions. Anything can become normal. It’s how we normalize a condition that separates the reality of a situation from our perception of it. Now think for a bit of how this dynamic applies to yourself?

    From “The Feminine Reality”

    You get married, out of fear for not being found acceptable of it, or from social shame for not yet having accepted your role in service to the imperative. Your children are offered in tribute to it, while in turn you unknowingly perpetuate it in them. You pay tribute in alimony, in divorce proceedings, in the expected sacrifices your career demands to maintain its influence in your own life and in society at large. You exist to facilitate a feminine reality.

    From this article

    A good Father goes about the business of being a father without concern for accolades. For Men, like anything else, it’s not about awards on the wall, but the overall body of work that makes for real accomplishment. A Father is a good father because he can weather an entire world that constantly tells him he’s a worthless shit by virtue of being a Man with a child. He just ‘does’, in spite of a world that will never appreciate his sacrifice and only regard his disposability as expected.


    “Fuck You Dad!” or “You’re the reason I’m so fucked up!”

  16. My Ex has a Father who cared for her every need.

    ** He put her through a full ride Ivy League college.
    ** He’s helped her financially post college since her $80,000 Fine-Arts cum English degree only yielded a ~ $35K/yr job.
    ** He has a savings account he started for her that he adds to every Christmas.
    ** He and Mom call every year and sing a cheesy happy birthday over the phone.
    ** They visit 1-2X/year despite her living 2000 miles away.
    ** He will provide the down payment + for a house should she decide to buy.

    She can’t stand him. Her biggest complaints are he “thinks he cazn buy my love”, worries too much, tries to control her mom, and on and on. I really try to objectively see what it is that she despises in the man. I honestly see nothing but a spoiled brat who took one too many Womens Studies class paid for by dear ol’ Dad.

  17. yeah, you my beloved husband – please work your ass off for me and MY children and I will be watching and using all the things you have brought to my knees. You are even allowed to have a couple of beers with your buddies form time to time. Of course I will love you – as long as you are beneficial to me and MY children. But note that if you go broke I will take you to the cleaners for all you have and use it for the benefit of me and MY children. In short – take all the risks for US but if you fail you are alone.

    Man stands alone. Women, children and rats abandon the sinking ship. Man goes down with it. This is the message that should be hammered to the boys right from the start. What is strange – the do not want to understand.

  18. Guess I’m lucky. Kid’s turn to me when Mom get’s hormonal for a dose of reason. Spent Father’s day kicked back. Hardest part is convincing knuckleheaded teenage sons there are times to ignore their mother. The Mrs knows bitch means I ignore her.

  19. The kid’s live the good life. But they are smart enough to be thankful as hell. Most of their friends aren’t as lucky.

    1. nope. I am retired divorce lawyer – just for the sake of young men I have to keep it to myself or there would be no more marriages 🙂 in addition, my english is too bad, it is not my home language.

  20. Fathers, like all men, are expendable. Feminists and politicians have decided that men are not required to raise children and that our only duty is to provide them with our resources through laws and taxation. She can keep the house, kids, half his income, and hop back on the carousel all within five years of walking down the aisle. What does he get? Every other weekend with the kids.

    As men we’re fucked. If you marry and have kids she can walk with everything whether you like it or not.

  21. Hey, Rollo

    Happy belated Fathers Day… asshole

    All joking aside though, you are in my top five men’s/game blogs I check out every morning like they were the newspaper. One of these five is never cited by any of the three Ro’s or other best known bloggers despite his volume of work. He covers certain specifics of everything in a way that I haven’t quite seen before. I was wondering what you might think. Here’s a link to a random list page of his posts on variety of topics if you have the time and care to take a look.

  22. While I completely agree with this post and am disgusted at the reality that if you went off on your mom on mother’s day like is acceptable on father’s day that you’d be shouted down in quick order, but I would suspect that there actually *are* more bad fathers these days. First of all, fatherhood is measured with a feminine metric: is dad loving, caring, and nurturing? If not then “Bad dad! Bad dad! You suck!” Well, of course dad’s are bad at being *moms*! Secondly, after several generations now of the feminine imperitive and unrestrained hypergamy you have many more women marrying bad boys or running roughshod over betas so, yeah, you are going to get more ‘bad’ dads out of that equation. It’s a self perpetuating system to that end.

  23. My father raised me on his own from the time I was around 10 years old because my mother was a bipolar drug addict. I wish him a happy father’s day and a happy mother’s day. I refused to speak to my mother.

    Happy father’s day, dad.

  24. There are plenty of “deadbeat moms” out there, today (my brother was living with one for 5 years until she skipped town). Now, he is raising my niece with the help of my family (my sister, mom) helping out. You don’t hear about these women because the media doesn’t report it that often and society doesn’t believe it exists (similar to ignoring domestic abuse where the man is the true victim). Society is always going to favor women because they’ll always play the victim – even when they are wrong (or the abuser). It’s another example of selective “equality”.

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